the new

bounced the gfs head off the wall again lads

eating poo

one life and ive arsed it to blazes

anyone else's willy turn sharply upward when you get an erection?
like it's not curved, but something beneath the base just makes it point upward for some reason?

one arse and ive raped it to blazes

>>213501444
hips sex erotic

just sent the security cam footage to grandad

he's caterwauling x

*piano stops playing when I enter the thread*

MAYBE I WILL NEVER BE
ALL THE THINGS I WANNA BE
NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO CRY
NOW IS THE TIME TO FIND OUT WHY

>>213501477
had something similar happen once when i accidentally placed a cup on a hot stove
luckily it was empty and no one was hurt x

Wish I was still unmedicated and insane
Used to do all sorts like strangle myself

>>213501477
poor gran surprised she didn't know better

my mental elves not good might do meself in

the original was fine

>>213501532
believe in yourself lad

>>213501455
excellent crossover

>*pushes you to the ground*
>got anymore funny names for me, rorke? call me poo barmer one more time i dare you
>remember, that's sir keir to you, don't forget it

>>213501532
sounds like fun being mental, like free LSD trips all the time

>>213501583
y-yes s-s-sir keir I'm s-sorry don't hit m-me...

>>213501560
you can get through it lad
remember, every day we above ground a good day. if mark, who sometimes stinks of fish and sometimes doesn't, can get through life so can you x

there's something wrong with me

diy liposuction job on the cards

>>213501642
*gets you booked in for a 30 minute session with a bint from adultwork*

alri lad 3pm tomorrow back of subway

>>213501630
seems like he's barely hanging on really

Sadly, some horrific things are going to happen in the UK before the 20s are out. An awful decade.

>>213501624
leftypol working night shifts at his local hospital handing out wanks to migrants

>I've received information from the Pakistani community in Dewsbury that can speak Afghanistani
For fucks sake rorke

Mad how no Europeans really captured the inner essence of Christianity until Nietzsche.

>>213501583
*looks up with tears in my eyes*
s-sir rorke pusher

fully expecting poo seal to be top gimmique in the end of year awards. calling it early. captured /brit/'s imagination it has.

anyone want a sosij butty

remember christmas last year on /brit/? lovely time. had a blast.

>>213501696
what impact has it had on outer /int/?

>>213501685
the uk is objectively worse and more dangerous than south africa is today absolutely mental i can literally walk around anywhere i want at any hour and blacks will show me respect when i pass by them they call me sir or boss you can barely walk 10 steps outside before getting mugged stabbed or beaten up for no good reason

>>213501755
/brit/ is the most influential thread here. often see our memes in other threads.

>>213501723
god yes

honestly mad that it's already august, can't even remember what happened during most of this year

>>213501755
it's a /brit/ award you stupid little fuckhead

Louis if you do not open this door right now then there's going to be a big furore.

*roundhouse kicks Lynn down a flight of stairs*

>>213501723
are they halal?

why are yank army mongs such whiny attention seeking little emos

>pick an image, doesn't matter what, anything will do
>post it at the start of every single thread (you need to be a terminally online freak to do this)
>guaranteed gimmick of the year

the roaring 20s we might call them in hindsight

>>213501755
the irrelevant weird cunt threads that no one goes in and have nothing to do with this? not sure m8 why don't you go find out.

made some ramen and cracked two raw eggs right into it

>>213501812
poo smells lmao

https://x.com/ActivePatriotUK/status/1952493300314710267
>paki keeps badgering man to sell a £3 item for a pound
>repeatedly told no until he's pushed away
>sheboon jumps in and starts shouting sticking up for him

>>213501816
the rorking 20s

>>213501791
167cm masterrace in the flesh

*walks 1m*
*out of breath from standing up*
"now watch me shadowbox"

>>213501838
love ramen me

>>213501838
won't be raw for long depending on how hot the ramen is

>>213501812
it's hilarious how much poo smells gets under you tranny's skin tbf

" walked off "

>>213501812
the polls are always full of stuffed ballots anyway

the real gimmick of the year exists in the collective consciousness of the thread and emerges as a natural phenomena

>>213501871
the heat of the noodles cooks the egg

>>213501833
relevance in relative

>>213501812
yeah I thought the same about something else with him pushing his own gimmicks and sucking his dick because people remembered things from seeing it 10 times a day every day (across all timezones), but it really still doesnt matter - and I still dont care

>>213501857
wait a minute what's that on the right there

>>213501877
could do with a rich shortie aha x

didn't even do gimmick of the year last year

irish horse

>>213501857
love a bit of umm(ami) flavor

if we need migrants to do shit jobs why can't we have them come, work then go home after 5 years? why do they have to stay here forever and bring their families?

I'm going to go for virgin of the year this year

the bad jobs such as 5 takeaways per street

>>213501877
shell of a man

Not saying I want to die or anything, but I really just have nothing to live for.

>>213501975
:/

>>213501975
i'm just saying

>>213501975
fffffffffff i'm not even gonna say anything

>>213501975
the u stands for um

>>213501919
the only one i like is "drunk man outside going uugh uugh uugh" because it's so fucking stupid

>>213501975
wonder if he ever did the scholesy

>>213501952
Migration has nothing to do with jobs
miration numbers are agreed to with foreign countries. If we want India to by our products, we have accept x amount of pajeets

>>213501975
jokes aside it costs nothing

>>213501964
no way you'll be meet i went to a sex party where the whole point is pulling and basically every single guy but me there pulled

posted poo seal in the latino thread and they started going jajajajajaja la poopoo foca

>>213501975
>>213502010
>>213502018
>>213502031
'

>>213501975
if I had a daughter I'd probably make em wear burqas desu
I know what men are.

>>213502040
why

remember when Ryan Giggs impregnated his brother's wife?

not on is it really

going mad for michael owen in a wig, is it

>>213502061
because our governemnt only cares about the gdp

posted poo seal in the /cum/ thread and they started going 'hi miguel'

Mad how so many properties out there support the baby-murderer Lucy Letby

>>213502048
you're a virgin and you went to a sex party did you yeah

sent a girl a pic of my willard and she responded with crying laugh emoji

it's just not fair

>>213502094
scrombulating

>>213502075
every woman is male relative in a wig

155833.3333ft tall

>>213501857
*cuts my knife through your wilson*

>>213502109
looks are 90% face

>>213501975
cor

cheers to the lad who recommended hades. its hard for me to find games i like and i just spent hours enjoying it.

>>213502109
i'm 190cm and this never happened

>>213502109
me on the top right

>>213502106

>>213502136
Mongzilla

>>213502094
>bradleyestates

>>213501975
>still only 13
Paper round in the far reaches of the Gobi desert was it?

mad how they've got drones now just like in tom clancy games

>>213502157
it probably did but you're too oblivious to notice

>>213501975
going to be honest i think she has aged from steroid use which every serious athlete dabbles in
she doesnt look 13 to me honestly.

>>213502101
yup
anyone can go
just gota buy tickets

Just swiped this from /tv/

>>213502157
all people, especially women, notice a person's height before anything else

Been radicalised against migrants in contravention of the online safety act
Will be in a hope not hate reeducation camp within hours

she is so fucking sexy

Niggas who are 6'1 will bring it up at any opportunity they get

>>213501532
I'm happy I'm still unmedicated, wouldn't want to be a zombie no matter what

>>213502209
looked at many 13 year olds have you?

HEATHENS

I'm 6'2 and I'm still a massive virge
being tall doesn't guarantee sex if you're too much of a sperg to stick the landing

>>213502143
looks like he's wearing someone else's face

>>213502149
glad you are enjoying it friendo

It's so easy to pick up and play, that's what makes it good. You can do a cheeky run or two then put it down then come back to it later. It's just... fun and good.

>>213502229
go actually do something (terrorism) about it then

>>213502157
this, height means nothing if you're uggo

>>213502221
cawl

>>213502231
I'm sure there's porn of her out there. But whether Keir would allow it is another matter

>>213502272
This. 6'5 and handsome as hell but I am a literal unironic autist. I disappoint women

>>213502231

Not to sound like a puritan, but I instantly lose all respect for people who watch Love Island.

me? 6ft 3 and tell people I'm 6 foot

>>213502308
true
but you have to if you have gf

shot through the arse and you're to blame

>>213502308
what about people who watch sport

>>213502272
>>213502304
such copes
you literally dont have to do anything if you're that tall and fit girls will do all thework

>>213502209
some girls have mature faces and being athletic she has nice muscle tone and no baby fat. it's not steroids it's genetics plus tons of physical training

>>213502308
i can't hack the second hand embarrassment from reality tv

>>213502308
i watch it for anthropological reasons, and to have my suspicions about female behaviour validated

>>213502333
You don't know about it mate. They will not do all the work. I am visibly autistic and strange. If anything I was just bullied back in school

mad how some times during the day I'm perfectly normal and then a few hours later, for no real reason, I'm harrowingly depressed
would like to know why

showed my work colleagues poo seal and they all said goodness me that seal looks like a poo

>>213502377
i do mate cos i've spent a lot of time in night clubs pubs bars house parties and other social situations and because im a bit of a loser i spent more time observing than any kinda participating.

I can't think of anything to say to people at work. If someone speaks to me to try to strike up a conversation all I can do is panic and say "haha yeah" or "haha no it's OK" and then nothing else. There's nothing happening in my brain, no instinct or desire to respond which then generates thoughts or questions to ask them. I can only politely sputter out some contentless yes/no response and then get away from the person. Then perhaps 4-5 minutes later when I have calmed down I can occasionally think of what I could have replied with, what a normal person would have said.

>>213502385
drink some water, eat something nutritious, go outside and get some fresh air

corrrr

showed my mum poo snail and she asked me if i heard back from mcdonalds yet

>>213502308
I'm sure all the fit women aged 30 and under are all devastated to know that they've disappointed you

>>213502404
ktimmers

>>213502439
looks fitter in 2d

>>213501423 (OP)
Pete Doherty.

>>213502439
didn't know she was asian

>>213502222
>>213502197
nah, i never notice it in other people unless they're giraffes

>>213502465
still cannae believe he ate that entire fry up man

how did people wake up on time for things before alarm clocks?

>>213502443
HOWLING DOEN THAT FREAKKKAKAKAK

>>213502333
life isn't a movie mate women don't just throw themselves at you just because you're attractive

>>213502465
yikes
>i used to shag kate moss you know

https://i.4cdn.org/gif/1754350053540328.mp4

they do desu

British women hit 15 and then decide that they need to spend 50% of their wealth and income on bronzer

>>213502494
>life isn't a movie mate
rorke stunned

>>213502404
read books on improv comedy
and in the mean time just ask random questions until you can think of something interesting

>>213502484
there were literally people employed to walk around town waking people up

>>213502484
roosters
the sun

>>213502494
howling literally leave your house for once

Wish I was dead

>>213502441
kek.
I remember the anxiety of starting a convo with mum knowing she'd bring up jobs. Now she's just given up

>>213502516
if he hadn't moved a bit to the left at the last second he'd still be alive

>>213502404
last time you had an iq check?

>>213502532
like a 1800s version of mummy waking me up for school?

IQ check? IQ status in the chat?

>>213502484

Would

>>213502588
iq depreciating at a startling rate
>>213502589
they were so high iq in the past

>>213502361
>my suspicions about female behaviour
which are?

>>213502465
>Peter Doherty was born in Hexham, Northumberland, to a military family.
>His father, Peter John Doherty, was a major in the Royal Signals, while his mother, Jacqueline Michels, was a lance-corporal in Queen Alexandra's Royal Army Nursing Corps.
>His maternal grandfather was Jewish

>>213502157
are you the famous anon they always talk about?

>>213502638
i wish

>>213502484
generally they'd also go to sleep earlier because of the alck of artificial lighting
and before raliways, standardised timing wasnt a thing so work wasnt set to 9-5

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3C46_2hmhd0
having a learn

>>213502585
more like some smelly bloke tapping on your window at 6am

>>213502625
frieren-sama pls peg me
◅(´⩊`)▻"

how did the people know when to get up to get people up?

Working 9 to 5 in the corn field

>>213502691
omg that guy is literally diego

>>213502540
don't get me wrong, I've had women flirt with me many times but the minute the spaghetti starts dropping the interest vanishes like a fart in the wind

>>213502611
most women act to impress other women
a woman's opinion on a man is shaped almost entirely by what other women think of him
Essentially, to keep your woman happy, keep her away from other women

>>213502404
same lad
what's your memory recall like for things you do care about

>>213502679
Some people are just early risers

>>213502561
lucky to have never been in the situation, wasn't living with my parents when i was on UC so didn't have to face them

my dick has shrunk three inches in the past hour

>>213502713
"sure" you did mate

>>213502691
Except the 9-5 was determined by the position of the Sun

>>213502679
you know clocks have existed in some form for like 700 years right

>i watch reality shows to learn about women
the absolute state

>>213502745
How about now?

>>213502759
um

got the Oasis on

>>213502753
not really, you could try observing female behaviour in the wild but you'd get arrested

*taps on rorke's window at 6am*

>>213502747
I really don't understand why you find this so unbelievable
a handsome autist is still an autist, and unfortunately being aloof and awkward just isn't attractive

>>213502782
MADFERIT

>>213502791
or you could just interact with them like a normal human being

>>213502576
I did that norway one some years back but that was a long time ago. My brain is mush now. Too many years spent NEETing and being insane have left my brain atrophied and my social skill centres shrunken to the size of a raisin.

Part of me thinks the problem is that I am totally detatched from normal living. Internally I know other people, normal people, have hobbies and goals and friends and go to pubs or on nights out and socialise and have career aspirations and plans to find the right girl, marry, buy a home and have kids. Meanwhile I work this job to stay alive but apart from that I do nothing and see no one. I have no plans for the future and exist in a state of constant dissociation.

On some level I fear people at work will find this out about me. I can tolerate being known as the quiet, nervous, shy guy but they're only allowed to perceive me that way from afar. If they speak to me, try to get to know me, then their mental idea that I am a normal person slowly crystalises into a real awareness that actually I'm not normal, that there's something wrong with me, that I'm living life in a way that would give others cause for concern and that I am to be ridiculed.

>>213502752
no

>>213502797
howling if you ever left your house you'd know that being aloof and quiet when attractive is highly appreciated by women

>>213502745
*fixes that*

>>213502816
Get a clue you fucking dope

Don't see many 24 hour shops these days

>>213502759
not gay but that's pretty juicy

>observing female behaviour

>>213502813
the whoel point of love island is to observe women and men in a purely sexual environment
Everything that is done is to encourage sexual behaviour
You dont get to witness this everyday.
I already have a gf btw,

i know literally no one (i.e. everyone)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRCVGo0racQ

>>213502865
Covid did them in. Use to be a time when I could go on an incel walk to Tesco at 2AM to buy a load of shit I didn't want or need. Those days are long gone.

>>213502759
Dayum didn't know rorke was built like that

>>213502865
no one wants to shop at 3AM besides smackheads and cashiers dont particularly enjoy interacting with them

>>213502865
not sure there's a single convenience store near me (and i live in central london) open 24hr even at the weekend
it's crazy

>>213502818
yeah mate just like clint eastwood in those cowboy movies yeah? they'll be gagging for it when they start chatting with you and you mumble two word replies yeah?
tedious spastic

>>213502879
>Anthropology is the scientific study of humanity that crosses biology and sociology, concerned with human behavior, human biology, cultures, societies, and linguistics, in both the present and past, including archaic humans.
>Social anthropology studies patterns of behaviour, while cultural anthropology studies cultural meaning, including norms and values.

>>213502797
women have it so easy literally just need to exist and not be fat but even if you are fat theyll still get attention

really is a sexist double standard but feminists cant handlw that

>>213502904
loved me 2am incelwalks for snacks back in the day

ditching Samsung and jumping ship to Apple in the hopes that this may improve my chances with women (it won't)

>>213502865
Just watched Chris Spargo yeah?

>>213502898
the point is have you glued to the screen so your attention can be sold to advertisers. fine to enjoy it as entertainment but insane to believe it's actually "real"

>>213502945
even the awkward autistic girls get mad attention because it comes across as cute instead of cringe

reckon you could just replace some of these corner shops with massive vending machines and then keep them open 24/7

>>213502935
you have never left the house
or if you have you nowhere near as attractive as you deluded yoursel finto thinking you are

doing my dissertation on love island with particular focus on interracial relationships

>>213502991
works in japan but unfortunately we have wogs and 'fugees everywhere so they'd just get smashed and robbed

>>213502903
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JnH4M8mlZA

>>213502991
only works in high trust societies like japan
all of these outdoor vending machines would get cleaned out within a week

>>213503010
have a full time job, leave the house and interact with new people on a daily basis
anything else? or are we done here

>governments announce they're recognizing palestine cause of the 'za 'cide
>reddit filled with holocaust and anne frank posts for the next week
tiresome

>>213502991
they're already becoming a thing here
some areas have big vending machines to buy your groceries at as well, lots of random stuff, would be good for just the essentials

>>213503047
so you're not attractive
glad we cleared that up

>>213503058
you can't suffer in poland

mandem wicked… but mi wickeda dan dem

>>213502718
My memory's not great these days lad. As I say I don't really do anything besides work, post here and keep fit. So there's not a whole lot to even remember.

I'm in a sort of survival mode and have been for some years now. As mentioned previously I don't have goals, short term or long term. I just keep myself employed, housed, and alive to prevent my (estranged) family members from being upset if I tried to commit suicide (again).

To this end I am essentially holding on by my fingertips at all times. The fluidity and aloofness of normal, casual conversation is unavailable to me because to some extent I expect every relationship, even casual acquaintences at work, to fail. I go in with the expectation that people think I am weird so I don't even bother to try. I don't ask people about their lives because I have decided already that they either hate me or will do eventually.

It would be easiest if everyone at work just left me alone to get on with it and never spoke to me. The vast majority do but a persistent few individuals insist on trying to break through and this is when these horrible, mangled interactions occur where I am aware I am stuttering out these bizarre inhuman responses with no follow-up questions yet helpless to stop it.

>>213503058
>zakupy gotowe?

screaming
what a stupid "language"

>>213503080
if only i could get a katsu sando (japanese for sandwich) from them though

>>213503058
Would be ideal if the signs were in english

>>213503067
women have straight up told me otherwise, pretty ones too
but this goes so hard against your retarded worldview that I guess they were all lying right?

>>213503067
tbf he would have to be able to recognize signs of interest and know how to reciprocate them. women don't throw themselves at brick walls

homer

>>213503131
sure mate you have all these attractive women throwing themselves at you but somehow you fumble it everytime, "sure", they definitely exist

>>213503160
You must not post the homers

you can do stuff like that in the countryside still where leftypol's pets haven't yet infested

around where i grew up its still common for farmers to just leave produce in a stand by the road with an honour system for payment. cherries and that. they always tasted really good

>>213503127
is “sando” them trying to sound like us saying servo n bottle-o n that?

>>213503180
Yeah local egg farm does that

>>213503096
at some point in my early 20s I kinda sensed I was heading down a path that would lead to your condition and I managed to avoid it, I'm so sorry lad that sounds hellish

Got me new pourover kettle lads x

>>213503160

really makes you think

>>213503224
@ NOW

>>213503127
i'd be stood there for half an hour at least fiddling around with the screen

>>213503180
there's fucking ZERO chance that fly-magnet banana stand isn't absolutely hoaching with spiders

>>213502985
enjoying it as entertainment is porobal the worst thing you can do
there is nothing entertataining about women being prostituted on nightly tv for the benefit of the diverse contestants

>>213503224
imagine punching that stomach full force

>>213503243
bananas have skins mate just wash em when you get home

they get restocked daily. banana farms have huge excess

>>213503163
and finally we loop full circle back to "nuh-uh you're lying", cool well it's been really insightful talking with you lad, have a good one

>>213503015
the balcks only seem to go for the blacks
must be internalised racism

went out but felt weird so i came home

>>213503180
mennonite farmers do that on sundays, there's a box where you leave your money and you take your apples or maple syrup or whatever

>>213503222
how is that any better than a good ol gooseneck

>the balcks

>>213503184
half of japanese words are just stolen from english, like conbini which is them trying to say convenience store

Bronson Hearn Smith will reward the UK with the 100m record in years to come. You heard it here first.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8d9DQlrYp4

>9.63 seconds, set by Usain Bolt in 2012
>10.68 seconds, casual jog by a 15 year old, who states "Had another race after. Also had Essex schools relay practice at another track in the evening. So was told to take it easy"

>>213503303
Cheaper

>>213503221
Yeah it's not good lad I won't lie to you. Proud of you for avoiding it.

Most people can tell instantly that there's something wrong with me and steer well clear. I could survive such an existence if everyone did that but it's the handful who don't, who are often happy to have someone to push around, that are the problem.

>>213503268
yes your story is inconsistent with reality
can i prove 100% it didn't happen no of course i can't
but i think it's highly unlikely it did so yes i think you are a liar

>>213503244
okay napoleon chagnon you only watch it for the purpose of anthropological research we get it

>>213503313
Erm he's white rorke that's not possible

>>213503221
how did you avoid it

>>213503342
i dont even watch it t b h

>>213503366
gained a clue

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OW9K84EbU4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OW9K84EbU4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OW9K84EbU4

>>213503352
Imagine the seething

>>213503313
There's lightyears between 10.68 and 09.58 (the WR).

>>213503313
he reminds me of someone

>>213503385
broken britain under Kir Keir Karmer

>>213503385
sir wank watcher

>>213503410
>lightyears
False.
There is 1.1 seconds between 10.68 and 9.58.

>>213503468
least autistic brit poster

i fucking stink

>>213503410
He is 15 years old with minimal muscle mass and taking it easy in a random school race with minimal preparation phases I'd guess, Bolt was 22 and juiced to the gills whilst trying his hardest

>>213503366
I started forcing myself into close social situations, ones I used to go to great lengths to avoid. At first it was going out with people I knew, then I deliberately picked jobs where I would be forced to interact with others daily. Slowly just the act of communicating with people started to become routine, I got more self aware and learned what to do and not do through experience. This is all shit normal people learned during their developing years but I didn't because I spent it all indoors in front of a screen

turn the migrant hotels into designated wanking palaces and do away with age checks entirely

>>213503501
alri mark

>>213503468
nothing gets past you mate

>>213503508
yeah but like give me rundown of your average week
how many social events with mates
how many date nights

doing history research

>>213503501
no need to worry jamal, your free 4 star has got a shower with 5 different pressure settings waiting for you

>>213503543
the top right
>mourning your opponent
is high iq shit
tho

>>213503501
alri mark jamal

new
>>213436168
>>213436168

>>213501444
CORRRRRRR

>>213503555
what if he gets trapped and cooked to death

>>213503655
>okay shrexican
scream

Let the wilderness and the cities thereof lift up their voice, the villages that Kedar doth inhabit: let the inhabitants of the rock sing, let them shout from the top of the mountains.

>>213503539
probably on average I met up with people once a week, either at the pub or to play D&D or to have a meal etc. Sometimes less, rarely more

>date nights
none lol, I'm sociable now but I didn't turn into a shagger

>>213503735
u have to arrange or they invite you?

Literally just sniffed hard behind the screen. Its like a distinct emotion on its own. Brown "girls" could never activate this emotion

>>213503735
always they invite me, it's very rare for me to actually initialise a get together

get it made

>>213503787
>pedobear socks
um