>>213502718
My memory's not great these days lad. As I say I don't really do anything besides work, post here and keep fit. So there's not a whole lot to even remember.
I'm in a sort of survival mode and have been for some years now. As mentioned previously I don't have goals, short term or long term. I just keep myself employed, housed, and alive to prevent my (estranged) family members from being upset if I tried to commit suicide (again).
To this end I am essentially holding on by my fingertips at all times. The fluidity and aloofness of normal, casual conversation is unavailable to me because to some extent I expect every relationship, even casual acquaintences at work, to fail. I go in with the expectation that people think I am weird so I don't even bother to try. I don't ask people about their lives because I have decided already that they either hate me or will do eventually.
It would be easiest if everyone at work just left me alone to get on with it and never spoke to me. The vast majority do but a persistent few individuals insist on trying to break through and this is when these horrible, mangled interactions occur where I am aware I am stuttering out these bizarre inhuman responses with no follow-up questions yet helpless to stop it.
