Thread 41589123

the worst thing about being suicidal as a tranny is knowing that if anyone bothered to notice my death they would invariably think i did it BECAUSE i'm a tranny - be that for malicious [kek 41 posts troonjak] reasons or misplaced allyship [transphobia is killing people!!] ones - and not for the 500 other more important reasons my life is a fucking washout
like, being cis would not help that much in my case. my failures are manifold and they are MY failures!!

>>41589123 (OP)
I have a multi-year detransing plan for suicide so it cant be used against others. I'm not fully at the end of it tho

>>41589123 (OP)
as a boymoder im just gonna make sure my body is unrecoverable along with any evidence i was ever on hrt. nobody will know.

>>41589123 (OP)
i'm back a couple hours later. is this shit even coherent? is it at all clear what i'm on about?
>>41589322
idgaf whether it could be "used against" anyone else, im thinking purely selfishly here. i don't wish to be remembered as someone whose problems were Tranny Problems and who died for Tranny Reasons.
and i'm not so sure your plan works. to most people, the fact that you ever transitioned at all would make all your problems and sadnesses inextricably linked to your relation to transness. it would all boil down to (DE)TRANNY in the end. and that's bullshit, is what i'm trying to say.

>>41590153
Why would you care what people remember you for unless youve achieved a lot, in which case raises why so suicidal

>>41590199
obviously i won't be here to care when i'm gone. which is comforting.
i would prefer to not be remembered at all. but other people exist and they remember those who die. and the knowledge that anyone who cared to remember me would almost certainly do it completely wrong is what frustrates me. i could leave a 25 page note detailing every reason i did it, not mentioning gender even once, and the main takeaway from it would still somehow be "tranny."

>>41590341
From experience I've seen people kill themselves and people will project stupid shit anyway. Instead of died for being tranny will be oh she killed herself for missing out on job, or being sad about rock star Hideto Matsumoto dying. Even if they thought it would be obvious before dying. The only way out of it is being so forgotten that only a couple of people will care to find out you died.

>>41589123 (OP)
>>41589328
I wish I could save trannies

>>41590389
i guess so. i'm lucky i won't be leaving any real legacy to speak of. still, it irritates me to think of this shit.

>>41589123 (OP)
So, what are your real reasons.

>>41589322
I've considered this, although I'm not sure what would be a good stand-in for my real reasons. The problem is that actual suicides tend to be impulsive and not have a lot of abstract thought :/

>>41592624
Either it's impulsive and you didn't have time to think over this legacy shit, or you are an autist evaluating your reasons and planning once you have decided. A good stand in is I was fucking around with opioids lmao, who even knows if it was on purpose, had a good time.

>>41592624
>real reasons
a big tangled mess of things.
short version is i don't actually like being alive - emotionally but also just on a day-to-day physical level - and i think suicide is an ok thing to do in this situation; i'm not upset about my impending death and i'm not looking to be talked out of it or to be given a reason to live.

(not gonna bump my own thread again after this because i doubt it's interesting enough to survive on its own merits)

>>41596986
>thread about your death not worth surviving on merit
>matters what people think about you in death
really do be muddled like that

>>41597039
isn't it though? that's part of the problem