Thread 42779262

Come one and all to the meta-writefag and help raise the quality of MLP fanfiction! Featuring: Georgia O'Keefe painting "flowers" vibes!

ITT: People used to think asbestos was amazing; writing is easier when you're autistic and don’t care about quality; Travis, who likes cryptocurrency and wants to fuck Rarity; Twilight couldn't find a blowjob book to study; making my mind's eye short-circuit; rifle sections are all-mare units; expecting the fun kind of mental illness; Alex, who is into cryptocurrency and wants to suckle Celestia; ZOMG babby's first HiE wish fulfilment; Tolkien using vim and plain TeX; Celestia, who is into cryptocurrency and wants to suckle Celestia; and waking up strongly aware of what Discord's cock looks like!

>/fimfic/ Secret Book Club
The one hundred and thirty-eighth and one hundred and thirty-ninth books are Princess Celestia Gets Mugged and The Youth in the Garden:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/99602/princess-celestia-gets-mugged
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/50795/the-youth-in-the-garden
If (You) want to participate, finish the story by Sunday, November 9th.
Past bookclubs: https://ponepaste.org/11255

>Recommended stories:
Tired of authors crossing over a dozen IPs? Fed up with downer shipping? Well, we've compiled the best of the worst in order to bring you our absolute average!
New Starter Kit - http://mlpficreviews.org.uk/starter/
Old Starter Kit - http://i.imgur.com/vuTA7EN.png

>Common fic abbreviations used by the thread:
https://ponepaste.org/7317

>A list of reviews made by the Anons in this thread:
http://www.mlpficreviews.org.uk
Use the commands ">review <story link>" and ">discuss <story link>" to add reviews to a story.
Userscript for extra features: https://ponepaste.org/8619

>An in-depth writing guide for beginners:
https://eznguide.neocities.org/

>Additional material for authors:
Rhorse's Horse Behavioral Notes - https://ponepaste.org/932
Politics and the English Language - https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/
Vhatug's tips for anatomically correct clop - https://poneb.in/g4VpEg4f
Setting a story in motion - https://youtu.be/ufO8LbwTdu0
Purdue Online Writing resources: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/index.html and https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/subject_specific_writing/creative_writing/writers/index.html

>Can you pre-read my story?
Post it on Google Docs or HackMD with comments enabled and give us a link.

>Various reviews and riffs:
Fillyanon's Bookshelf - https://ponepaste.org/5555
Notkickass222urmom's Reviews - https://pastebin.com/u/notkickass222urmom
IHeartShinzakura's Reviews - https://ponepaste.org/user/IHeartShinzakura
Appleanon reads fics - https://poneb.in/wmGX7FPm
Deluxe Big Master Review List - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1z9Bz7UnEbxo-svlXa2tV49PJkP-yFuR7pRXiBUn-IeU
A Guide to Rational Fics - https://files.catbox.moe/3jzrfm.png
The Royal Canterlot Library's Top 16 Fanfics - https://royalcanterlotlibrary.net/top16/

Previous Thread: >>42736173

Did Tolkien harm writing forever by autistically focusing on world-building instead of storytelling?

Second for best duo!

>>42779263
No. Publishers did.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BBrDhgGz1k

Congratulations to Travis, who likes cryptocurrency and wants to fuck Rarity for making it in the OP this time.

4+1th for best duo!
Enjoy this conveniently packaged Tuna: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/189261/the-better-angel

>>42779263
But he didn't, not in his published writings. He built a world and then wanted to tell stories in this world.
Even in the Silmarillion, the parts that read like a history book are the most unfinished. The bits that we do have of the children of Hurin for example read like excellent stories. Or the entire Lay of Leithian.

>>42779278
He's come a long way from waking up in the everfree forest with nothing but his wits and some vinyl recordings of Joe Rogan's podcast.

>>42779406
He could have finished those stories and published them, though. He certainly had plenty of time to. Instead, he focused on worldbuilding, with the result that he published very little and left behind many volumes of autism.

>>42779262 (OP)
>People used to think asbestos was amazing
They’ll say the same thing of us and some material we think is innocuous in 100 years.

>>42779460
Perhaps, but he certainly didn't "harm writing" by not publishing enough.
Also arguably he was writing and re-writing his stories at least as much as he was autisming about worldbuilding. The closest thing he wrote to pure worldbuilding was his linguistic autism, and IIRC he didn't really dedicate all that much time to revising it over the years - he had his conlangs (before they were called conlangs) and he was happy. Well, that and some annals and timelines, but that can't have taken all that much time and is a good tool to have to make sure your stories are consistent.

Other than that, he didn't spend his time making autistic diagrams, or listing out factoids, or constructing a history from scratch. The majority of what he wrote was in the form of a story or a story fragment. This is actually reflected in the resulting worldbuilding: the major historical happenings are all very character-driven; there's very few abstract historical accounts of nameless nations or battles. There's no detailed cosmology other than what's laid out by the mythological tales of the Valar, there are as far as I'm aware zero autistic ramblings about any systems, about how magic works or the biology of the world or its geology or its physics. It's almost all stories about characters doing stuff across the course of history.

There are some exceptions, such as the story of Numenor mostly being the story of a nation outside of its founding and destruction, and some intermediate kings are named but are rather inconsequential as characters. But these really are exceptions, and even then the tale of Numenor is structured as a tale, and most of the focus is indeed on the Fall of Numenor rather than historical accounts of is existence prior to that. The sum of what we know of the second age, when nothing too major was happening, is minuscule compared to the amount of writings and time Tolkien dedicated to all the time periods that actually have stories and characters to write about.

>>42779477
No, the plastic will kill everyone by then, I'm sure.

>>42779263
The obsession with world building was made up by a group of autistic cunts on the Internet that didn’t get the original point because they were to autistic and thus what they made was a reductive simulacrum and then their ideas spread to normies and managerial corporations that drained the life out of it.

This is how literally every social phenomenon is. Some innovator draws something out from the realm of ideas, some small group of followers iterate upon it and make it more accessible, it grows but gets systematized and formalized and bureaucratized and commodified and watered down, in that process the original meaning is forgotten and only the outward facing shell of it remains for an increasingly degenerate and uncreative people to reuse over and over again until it has lost all meaning and value and everything attached to it disintegrates as there is no longer any understanding structure to hold them up.

>>42779483
The real horror is that there is probably some material that has horrendous health effects that even health schizos haven’t picked up on yet.

>>42779502
Yeah, that would be horrific. I don't know, there's no research going into how radio affects people, apparently. I've read opinions that radio towers might cause chronic wasting disease in deer. Still, this is something that's at least represented in the public consciousness. Maybe air conditioning has some long term effect on the body no one's noticed yet?

>>42779263
Yeah, but even if he hadn't, someone else would've eventually.

>>42779510
That's because radio waves, like most frequencies, barely penetrate into the body except at ridiculous amounts of energy. It would be very hard for radio waves at ordinary levels of power to do significant damage even under prolonged exposure.

I have heard that some of the frequencies used by cell phones do penetrate somewhat deeper (measured in something like mm of depth per watt). Maybe that's a problem if you're constantly holding your cell phone up to your head? But the power levels might still be insignificant. Even in the worst case, it's probably no more harmful than UV in suntanning or the cosmic radiation you get from an airplane flight.

Air conditioning is probably helpful on the whole. It reduces humidity, which tends to reduce mold growth. (Though there are cases of poorly designed air conditioning systems creating condensation that dripped onto wood and caused huge mold colonies.) But ventilation is probably a bigger deal that we generally recognize. Old buildings were far from airtight; a drafty old house is also one that gets a lot of outside fresh air. (The word "window" literally means something like "wind-hole".) Modern buildings are much closer to airtight. That makes for more efficient heating and cooling (because you lose less energy to the outside), but it means you need mechanical ventilation or else the air gets stagnant. Commercial buildings always have mechanical ventilation. Residential buildings rarely do. Is that our big mistake? I don't know.

Also, deer are fucking vermin and they need to die.

>>42779551
>Also, deer are fucking vermin and they need to die.
D:

Worldbuilding ain't shit if it doesn't have good food lore.

>>42779628
anon you're SO fat

>>42779629
That's a fairly low amount of body fat for an average-sized anon, I'd say?

>>42779637
You know what, you're probably right. I concede.
What kind of food lore do anons like in their fics? Just describing the food itself in (excruciating) detail, or things like historical traditions behind the meals of the day?

>>42779661
Traditions and implications. Look at Morrowind.

>>42779661
I once tried to imagine what crops would be common in the area of Equestria where Ponyville is so I could choose the appropriate vegetables for an autumn vegetable tartine.
Also, I made an off-hand mention of ramekins originating from ancient sheep warrior clans.

>>42779661
Let's see: I've used detail, but what stands out most to me is when I decided what Earth pony body language should be when they're busy cooking and can use neither their mouths nor their eyes to acknowledge somepony:
>The three little fillies flooded into the kitchen as Cup Cake was putting another tray of treats into one of the ovens. She acknowledged them by tapping the ground twice with a forehoof, the common body language for recognizing others when the mouth and eyes are preoccupied. She looked at her guests as she was closing the oven door back and was surprised to see the three so early in the morning.

It's a little detail, but I like it. It's also nice to emphasize that ponies don't lock their doors and things like that.

i'm going to be perfectly honest,
>Travis, who likes cryptocurrency and wants to fuck Rarity
was not the funniest part of that post. the actual funniest part was
>Voltaire in Equestria
because it sounds like an entire genre. you've got HiE, AiE, and now ViE

>>42779815
Various French philosophers find their way to Equestria. It's hell.

>>42773110
>the site owner doesn't want to host it anymore
Fimfic's all Knighty has. It's only dying when he does or it starts costing him money to operate ($17k a year from SubscribeStar should be more than enough to keep the lights on).

>>42774083
>seven new users a day
Frankly, that seems like a ton of new users per day given the show ended six years ago and G5 was a bust.

>>42775059
>it would be ao3's
Absolutely not. Like >>42775559 said, that leads to search becoming a hellscape. Shipfags finally knowing what the romance tag is for gets offset by all character tags becoming useless because they appear once in an 80k fic. Tag Anon's utopia is actually a nightmare.

>>42779851
I think the best discoverability system a fic site could implement is something that emphasizes reviews and makes it easy to browse reviews. If you find someone who has similar tastes to you, then can look through all the reviews they've made, that'll give you a lot better guidance on what stories you may or may not like than any tag or score ever could.

>read 50% of the club fic today
Ponies?

>>42779897
Yeah, it's about 50% ponies.

Is Luna's dreamwalking common knowledge, like something that would be taught in school? When it happens to the CMC in their respective Luna episodes, they all treat it as normal.

>>42780225
If God visits you in your dreams, or really anywhere else, you may be surprised, but you'd also accept it pretty easily. It's a bit easier to be perturbed when God, say, transforms into a clone of you and fucks your wife.

>>42779628
GRRM get the fuck out of here and finish Winds of Winter.

https://heyzine.com/flip-book/e923c86778.html

Take your asses out of your generals for a second and come review this. Especially confirmations about things I already know.

>>42779390
Examples?

>>42779510
>Maybe air conditioning has some long term effect on the body no one's noticed yet?
Lovecraftbros is this our time to shine?
>>42779480
Tolkien's field of study was more focused on language (and literature, following that) than history, and while obviously you can't study historical languages eschewed from the history itself surrounding them it's evident how his works were more influenced by stories than history. Mainly things like Arthurian myths or Beowulf, which is all well documented, or things like the Latin inscription at Lydney Park concerning Nodens.

>>42780430
Sorry, Anon, too busy investing in genetic manipulation startups so they can make fake direwolves that look nothing like the historical thing but do look like what he wrote them like. GRRM is too rich now and has no incentive to write.

>>42779828
Hell is other ponies.

>>42779851
>Frankly, that seems like a ton of new users per day given the show ended six years ago and G5 was a bust.
the fandom is still alive. There’s still people producing fan content on tiktok and insta.
>>42780225
My headcanon is that knowledge of her dream walking spread through word of mouth as she got back to doing it and ponies reported of it to eachother. And also maybe some royal announcement about it. And now it’s just in the corpus of common knowledge as well as bei by formally documented in relevant texts.

>>42779502
>>42779510
The modern world is chock full of tons of substances, materials and technologies that weren't used in the past and are poorly studied for chronic effects. There's also semi-regular low-key reclassifications of known chemicals, like PFAs slowly studied and better understood.
True health schizos recognise this and strive to live innawoods with no modern shit.
>air conditioning
Air conditioning is known to carry risks of mold build-up, and even small amounts of mold can have adverse effects. In theory if it's kept perfectly clean and sterile it should be fine. My mum always said aircon gives you a cold though, just because you're not supposed to have a cold wind blowing on you at all times even during hot weather.

You guys are underestimating health schizos.

>>42780873
Air conditioning itself doesn't build up mold. Mold prefers warm, moist environments, and an air conditioned space is the exact opposite of that.

However, an uninsulated refrigerant line or ducting can create condensate in unintended places. That is what grows mold: Not the fact of air conditioning, but the unintended consequences of doing it wrong.

>>42780901
>air conditioning doesn't grow mold
>here's how mold can grow inside air conditioning
Is mold from refrigirant condensate somehow special and doesn't cause any respiratory issues or something? If not then I don't get your point

Mold is good for you actually

>>42780577
Usually it's like a specific image which I end up hyperfocusing on for an unexplainable reason when in any other circumstances it would be just average and forgettable. Especially if it's fetish shit. Often it's at least related to fetishes I normally have but sometimes it's not. Hard to remember specific examples but one time for example it was fluttershy anal vore (I'm not normally into anal or ponuts in general)

>>42780925
This is on par with saying meat is universally bad for you because some of it is bad when you don't cook it properly.

>>42780225
She pulled all of Ponyville into a shared dream and everyone was pretty okay with it.
I think at this point it's a well known fact.

>>42779661
I like it when changelings can eat emotions besides love, with varying food flavors being given to them. There's also a slightly worse variation on this in Prey, where Ocellus can still only eat love, but the food association changes based on whose love it is. It's also fairly creative with non-food flavors, like asphalt or petrichor.

>>42780225
Okay, thanks for the feedback. All signs pointed to this being something the average Ponyville resident would probably know.
>Princess Luna: I am the princess of the night. Thus it is my duty to come into your dreams.
>Scootaloo: Oh, yeah... Wait, is this just a dream? But it feels so real!
The "Oh yeah" makes me think that Scoot already knows Luna can do that. It feels more like a revelation for the audience than anything else.
>Sweetie Belle: Princess Luna! It's really you! Or am I dreaming?
>Princess Luna: What do you think?
>Sweetie Belle: Let me see. You just rescued me from a maniacal laughing Rarity-cloud. Yeah, probably dreaming.
Sweetie Belle immediately assumes she is dreaming when she sees Luna.
If nothing else, it's probably something that you would find in a history book.
>>42780244
And what if God IS your wife?
>>42780801
I can see there being a royal announcement for it. Maybe having Luna jumping back into her work before the announcement spooked a couple of ponies.
>>42781296
This is story is pre-season 5.

>>42781842
I always thought it made sense for Luna to make the Tantabus much earlier than it was presented in the show, and it just happened to be in S5 that the episode was shown.
Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep could've happened at any point in the show's runtime, there's nothing conceptually anchoring it to S5, unlike, say, Sounds of Silence.

>>42781842
>And what if God IS your wife?
Calm down, Homura.

Trying to find good fics on Ao3 is a complete crapshoot. The only good way is to pick a popular tag you like and sort by kudos.

>>42782114
This is /fimfic/ though. Even though I sometimes go through a lot of trouble to find good fics, that's my choice. I don't have to, there are a lot that are easy to find.

I've come to the conclusion that Ao3 posters are simply disabled, and will never grasp that their site's tagging system is inferior to FiMfic's (when combined with FiMfic's Groups) specifically in the domain of tagging FiMfics.

However, if you want to give them more credit than they deserve, you could have some fun trying to figure out why they promote a fundamentally inferior tagging system. Are they saboteurs, promoting Ao3's tagging system despite understanding its inferiority to hasten the demise of the site? Are they /pol/tards, following a programmed response to FiMfic's primarily lesbian romance? (This seems to be the actual answer, when pressed.) Alternatively, do they simply feed on drama and their desires are at best loosely related to the actual labeling of stories?

>>42781943
She probably made the tantabus almost immediately upon coming back, and it only got out of control during S5.

>>42782309
That makes sense if you want to stick to the show's timeline exactly, but I would like to pretend she made it shortly before or after Luna Eclipsed. Then, and Twilight & friends helped her with it before MMC.

>>42782326
I would like to pretend Luna Eclipsed doesn't exist. Its characterization of Luna pretty much exists in a vacuum and you can trace a direct line from Luna before it to Luna after it that doesn't touch it at all.

>>42782308
a tagging system that must be combined with a groups system to work fails as a tagging system. the very few problems caused by ao3's tagging system are entirely caused by misuse and not inherent problems with the system.

Why not just put the tags in your description

>I saw, I dunno, I think it was Miss Manehattan and we ended up spending the night together and in the middle of the sex, it was like a hot dog splitting and you know, I found myself in the emergency room with my penis in my hoof waiting to be stitched up.
Good fic.

>>42782497
Thank god for unicorns and their magical mishaps leading to every Equestrian hospital having a dedicated penis explosion ward.

>>42782341
That would be terrible. It is a very fun episode, and not much of her characterization in it is actually bad. There are a lot of great Tuna moments in it, but more importantly for you, that's pretty much the only episode that explores her disconnection from Equestria's citizens. You know, the whole reason she became NMM in the first place. The next one wouldn't even be until, what, the S5 episode that started this chain?

There are a lot of good scenes besides her petulantly terrorizing Ponyville, like the bridge, her offering the Hub logo to the statue of her evil self, all the spells she uses while at the carnival, and of course her pranking the foals on the advice of Twilight and later just because she likes to.

And no, there's no line to draw from S1 Luna to any other version of Luna. She's really a non-character.

+ baps

I need somebody's help because I'm 100% sure this is from an official fanfic because I swear to god it seems familiar, and I just had a dream about it

>EQG (or it could be in the MLP main universe not sure)
>some bizarre, lovecraftian spider or other creature is attacking the other ponies invisibly, instantly turning their eyes red, they stop what they're doing and there's seconds pass in silence before they lunge at the 1st person POV
>before they reach, Twilight stops time again and instructs whoever is in the 1st person to try again and think about love and light/magic in some way to defeat the invisible deity somehow
>she resets time
>eventually they find some way to defeat it but it's clear this has happened multiple times
Am I just experiencing deja vu because I swear to god I read a fanfic or watched a horror MLP animation that was identical to this YEARS ago

>>42781943
The guilt in S5 was all internal, yeah?bI also think that the Tantabus could have been something that brewed in the background and finally boiled over in S5.
Tantabus isn't a factor in this story.
>>42782677
>the only episode that explores her disconnection from Equestria's citizens.
Yeah, it's a good episode. Luna Ecplised is a good proper introduction episode while also being by a good stepping stone for Luna. By Sleepless in Ponyville she seems mostly okay. Meaning, okay enough to do princess stuff in modern Equestria. By LE is an important inbetween. They get a lot done in that episode.

>>42782721
You can check some of these, or provide better search terms. Especially a phrase.

Still waiting on that fic where Luna and Twilight make a baby out of the Tantabus

>>42782778
You're still waiting for Tantabus, Mk II?

>>42782768
Yeah, I'm not getting anything for this specific scenario. I think my mind just came up with it years back and I had a dream of it a few hours ago.

Fuck it, I'm just gonna write it myself

>>42782818
Yes but sadder and Tuna

On that topic, any good romance sadfics?

>>42782846
I'd like more Tuna, but I don't think it has to be sad.
>>42782870
I posted one that's not bad at the top of the thread.

i love that one trixie story where she dies and nobody cares, it's literally just this image

>>42782887
It can be bittersweet

>>42782907
I'm saying the Tantabus episode already has enough of that. If they're going to make a new one, it just seems appropriate for it to be triumphant. You want the Tantabus to fail or something? That seems shitty, especially because it worked the first time. Between Luna Eclipsed and the Tantabus, Luna is a really unreasonably talented enchantress.

>>42782936
No no, they're going to make a baby using the tantabus as a kernel

I've started another commission, so I may as well post it here:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/584570/chaotic-cravings

Writing Eris is fun, and I feel I've done a good job so far. I always like to find new ways to write something unusual that I wouldn't add to any other story. It tickles me how this one guy has commented twice now on the commissions I write to complain about the price, and for no other reason.

>>42782980
Why the fuck would anyone pay you $420? And why would you announce that in the long description?

>>42783010
>Why the fuck would anyone pay you $420?
He wanted a story that was fourteen thousand words long.

>And why would you announce that in the long description?
I announce commission prices for reasons of transparency.

>>42783017
>He wanted a story that was fourteen thousand words long.
He's gonna get fourteen thousand words, but he's not gonna get a story. Besides, you wrote in the comments,
>I'd tell you how many thousands of words it's planned to be, but I'd rather not spoil the story's length so easily.
Which is ridiculous, since you announce your prices elsewhere.

>>42783025
>He's gonna get fourteen thousand words, but he's not gonna get a story.
Rude.

>Which is ridiculous, since you announce your prices elsewhere.
Yes. It's more indirect to require someone curious to go find my prices to see how long the story will be. The indirection is the point of my phrasing. Once the story's finished, of course, it's length will be obvious even without that.

>>42783043
>Rude
No fanfiction is ever worth reading or writing. It's objectively true.

>>42780544
It's too long for a pitch doc. Why is it going into magic lore autism like how pegasus magic works or cutie marks? Execs don't give a fuck about that. That's something the story editor/showrunner goes over with the staff writers.

I'm guessing few drawfags wished to participate, because there needs to be way more concept art. The execs need a good idea of what's actually being proposed. The main characters all need art, the main locations, the toy sets, etc. Look back at the original show bible for G4: there's art on almost every single page showing locations, characters, buildings, etc. Helps to paint a very strong picture of the tone they're shooting for.

The deer art just seems bizarre and completely out of place as well. No idea why that's in there unless the intent is to actually use deer designs. And what's with the bald NMM?

>>42780873
>aircon gives you a cold
Reminds me of the euro cope that you can't have the A/C more than 10 degrees colder than the outside temp or the body will go into shock from the temperature transition.

>>42783208
You're wasting your time. He's a schizo, and nothing you tell him will matter.

>>42782891
wow she's literally me...

>>42782677
It just feels weirdly disconnected from the rest of canon. The only instance of her speaking in Shakespearian English out of the blue. Bats, which never show up again. A complete new design for her all of a sudden. It's a good episode but it's a weird one in the greater context of the show. It also led to this really funny thing where IDW had a whole arc trying to justify her looks changing and in the process invalidated the episode itself.

If a human dies in a forest and only Fluttershy is around to hear it, did he really like cryptocurrency?
/FSBC/

But let's do the better fic first.
[Mugging]
I have some small issues with the story, but it easily earned its updoot, though with little chance of a favorites inclusion. As far as the "classics" go, this is a very solid one; not any worse nor better than that. The SoL is pretty fine, the idea of Celestia going along with being kidnapped by a bunch of incompetent ponies is very fun, and there are enough jokes that the better ones make up for the misses. I don't think the fic was anything special, but it was pretty enjoyable, and I can see myself recommending it. The writing is also much more polished than what the standards of the time were, which should be acknowledged. I did not like that a huge part of its implied thesis is that "Pony = incompetent/childish", but while that's a very unrefined, basic, low take, at least it keeps the fic from straying too far. Whatever. It's like a definition of a 6.5/10 story for me. That's actively good, yes! Just not 'very good'.

[Travis, who shoots confederates and wants to see his mother]
I'll be a contrarian and claim this: This is a bad fanfiction.
Yes, TD is a skilled writer. He knows it, writing the way he does here. But this fic is worse than many, many stories written by writers 10% as good as him. It's so fake on Equestria's end. In the attempt to sound poignant, the fic devolves into self-fellating levels of pathos. This is not helped by the writer overusing certain techniques meant to enhance the prose. At first they maybe do, but by the fiftieth repeated sentence ending, it gets a little silly, it gets a little over-the-top.

I liked the human parts of the fic. The description of Travis's emotions as he goes into his first (and last) battle was written very effectively. This is also where the writing is at its strongest; the kind of writing you'd show as "yes, I'm a professional artist".
Unfortunately, the Equestria parts kind of suck, imo. None of the characters are in character. Well, Fluttershy mostly is, but she speaks like an alien; she speaks like Fluttershy from an alternative world. The echoing description of the hill, the gunshots, Travis's death, etc—they all wear out their welcome well before they're over. The first third of FS's scenes are imo just bloating the story in a bad attempt at making it seem more significant.
And it also dares to get overly pretentious on top of it, as if the above were not enough. I wish I wasn't writing this post so last minute (it's 4:02 now) so I could explain it better, but I stepped away from the fic feeling tricked. It's a bit sad, sure, but it's manipulative in the way it tries to make its sadness feel grandiose. This would have been a much better story without any ponies. Of course, I will acknowledge trying to do /something/, and the writing is objectively pretty good, so I cannot imagine leaving a dislike, but I did not leave a like.

>>42783852
>\FSBC/
Oh no, missed the meme arrow! In any case,
[VOTING]
We've been doing a bunch of shorter fics lately, so maybe something larger now? Unless (You) want to read something else.
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/755/on-a-cross-and-arrow
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/92300/crisis-on-two-equestrias
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/249782/magical-mystery-oops
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/3479/the-games-we-play

>>42783852
>/FSBC/
Oh no, missed the meme arrow! In any case,
[VOTING]
We've been doing a bunch of shorter fics lately, so maybe something larger now? Unless (You) want to read something else.
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/755/on-a-cross-and-arrow
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/92300/crisis-on-two-equestrias
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/249782/magical-mystery-oops
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/3479/the-games-we-play

>>42783704
It gave us mountains of bap content though, so that's good.

>>42783852
I'm against the clock, so I'll have to keep this short.
I really liked Mug, but not in a way that leaves an impression, like you said. I enjoyed the story as I read it, but I'm left with nothing beyond a "that was nice". I think the only noteworthy aspect of the story is Celestia herself. She was so fun to read, and I would like to read more stories where she just goes along with things because she knows she's not in any real danger.
On the other hand, remember how Krastos was a story where you could see how it worked, but the fic itself was mediocre, and really not a good show of what the author had to offer? Yeah, YitG was like that. This gets a far less enthusiastic "Yeah, it was fine". I didn't really care about Travis, and not just because he was in the wrong side of history. Eh, I don't know. Have we read TD's stories before in the club? I don't remember. I'd rather read some of this other stuff.
>>42783867
Voting for Oops.

>>42784027
>I think the only noteworthy aspect of the story is Celestia herself
We can finally disprove Leibniz's thesis, since both this fic and OG Sunny Skies were some of the most-upvoted fics on the site and yet somehow this didn't become a major fic genre.

>remember how Krastos
I also thought of Krastos, of course, but I think this is a worse story. Krastos felt tragically underbaked, but here I think the author did what he wanted, and the "what he wanted" was just not good.
>Have we read TD's stories before in the club?
Highball, which was very contentious. I thought we might have read The Song of Syhlex because it came up in the thread a few times (and was good), but I don't think it was a club fic. I'll try to throw https://www.fimfiction.net/story/2350/a-cup-of-joe into the mix some week soon.

>>42783852
TY in the G... The first 50% is just a grim dark civil war fanfic. Then after all that wait, there isn't any sort of first contact scenario. Youth (who we MUST address as just a boy, lest we anger Fluttershy) just sees a talking pony and immediately crawls towards it screaming for his mother. When asked what is wrong he responds with "I'm thirsty." Why? Why does he ask for water? I don't doubt he is thirsty, but there are far more pressing matters. He is screaming and crying in pain before he declares his thirst and he is screaming and crying in pain after it. Water won't fix any of that. How did water even enter his mind? Then he talks about the ball inside him and it is never even suggested that maybe it should be removed.
>Keeps screaming "mother" right in Fluttershys face
Kek. He's torn between begging for water, screaming for his mother and grabbing fluttershy at all times
>the kid grew up in a cottage like Fluttershys
Fucking kek, I really doubt that
>Him realizing he's in heaven
Ok this was literally the only good part of the entire fic. It was kino. Then the fic actually gets worse once he dies and Fluttershy goes on some sort of righteous tirade for I guess the rest of her life. If I was one of the ponies I would be concerned this Youth cast a mind altering spell on her or something. And I was very scared that Spike was about to accidently kill someone with the gun lmao, I truly would've burst out laughing if that had happened.
>Celestia trolling fluttershy with incessant knocking
>Randomly assuming 'the great flaw' of a species she has just now seen for the first time
Kek. Imagine living in a world with tons of sentient species and then seeing a new one that is a soldier and just assuming that species is endlessly killing itself.
>giving spike all this dead guys stuff
For what fucking reason? Anyway, story kinda sucked.

PCgM
I read this before and it's just a standard low stakes comedy fic. Luna is the butt of the jokes which is extremely meh and just like the first time I read it, it just makes me want the alternate version where she rips the info out of his mind and leaves him a vegetable then just kills the other captors and Celestia realizes she made a mistake instead of Luna having to corner her afterwards and tell Celestia she was scared. I do like Celestia not caring at all though and having to fake getting knocked out twice then just not reacting to a 2x4 breaking over her head later
>Luna used all of her vacation days when she was on the moon
Kek
>they find out it's Celestia and she just smiles at them
Kino

>>42784186
>Why? Why does he ask for water? I don't doubt he is thirsty, but there are far more pressing matters.
>How did water even enter his mind?
No, he's already dead. Dying people feeling extremely thirsty is a real phenomenon, by the way. It's a super common thing in wars. I think it's shock from blood loss? But in any case, that is both accurate and believable. Have you never watched a movie or read any book? Even the Bible has that.
>Fluttershy goes on some sort of righteous tirade
Yeah, that part was the author trying and (imo) failing.
>>Randomly assuming 'the great flaw'
But you don't get it, we're Making A Point here. "War=Bad". A truly unique thought.

>just makes me want the alternate version where she rips the info out of his mind and leaves him a vegetable then just kills the other captors
wtf
Yeah, the jokes at Luna's expense weren't the greatest and I rolled my eyes a few times (and desú the nobles weren't too good, either), but Celestia and the captors get funny scenes. At least by [Comedy] standards.

>>42783852
>The SoL is pretty fine, the idea of Celestia going along with being kidnapped by a bunch of incompetent ponies is very fun
agreed
>I did not like that a huge part of its implied thesis is that "Pony = incompetent/childish"
I like the idea that they are so morally good as a species that they are always incompetent when doing bad things that go against their nature. But yeah, the royal guard being entirely comprised of class clowns is a bit much.
>It's like a definition of a 6.5/10 story for me.
kek, sure
>[Travis, who shoots confederates and wants to see his mother]
I'm not sure he does that though, more like [Youth, who drinks water and wants to see his mother]
>I'll be a contrarian and claim this: This is a bad fanfiction.
uhhhh... I completely agree though
>But this fic is worse than many, many stories written by writers 10% as good as him.
fucking kek. I did notice typos in this one
>It's so fake on Equestria's end. In the attempt to sound poignant, the fic devolves into self-fellating levels of pathos.
Absolutely agree. Equestria revolves around this BOY the second he gets there
>Unfortunately, the Equestria parts kind of suck, imo
>The first third of FS's scenes are imo just bloating the story in a bad attempt at making it seem more significant.
>This would have been a much better story without any ponies.
Yeah, this is a civil war 'fanfic' for sure

>>42784027
>I enjoyed the story as I read it, but I'm left with nothing beyond a "that was nice".
Yeah, but I don't think it was going for anything more than that which is fine.

Apparently I've read all but the last 3 chapters of oops lol
>>42784176
>>Have we read TD's stories before in the club?
>Highball,
fucking kek, not a good look for this guy so far

>>42784224
>Even the Bible has that.
As if had I only read 1 book in my life it would've been the bible kek
>Yeah, the jokes at Luna's expense weren't the greatest and I rolled my eyes a few times (and desú the nobles weren't too good, either), but Celestia and the captors get funny scenes. At least by [Comedy] standards.
Celestia's half of the fic is good, this is even where the incompetence shines. But the Luna half of the fic is where the incompetence does not shine. The royal guard are only useful off-screen and Luna says she's scared but doesn't act like it and thus it doesn't fit into my head canon lol. I want Wyrmlysan Luna, not this one, which could actually help the fic considering I think the fic is actually perfectly split on where the jokes land and which princess we're with at the time. If she truly feared for Celestia then I don't think she would let laws and due process stand in her way. And she certainly wouldn't be getting seduced in her own dreamwalk investigation.

>>42783867
I'm going to participate in this for once. Voting for MMO. I feel like I can't vote for Co2E on the same 'blurb-only impression' basis as the others because I got sucked into actually reading it while I was skimming the first chapter.

I enjoyed Principal Celestia Hunts The Undead even if it fooled me into reading a momlestia story.

>>42784334
>I like the idea that they are so morally good as a species that they are always incompetent when doing bad things
Yep, yep. I can't say anything without repeating what you said word-for-word, but Guard or Nobles acting like foals was meh.
>I'm not sure he does that though,
He did shoot a lot. With some luck, he got some Yankees in that first, confused salvo.
>I completely agree though
But you wouldn't appreciate it if it were a good artsy fic, either, and I'm saying it's not even that. If you google it, you'll find people praising it to high heavens both in /fimfic/ and on the site itself.
>not a good look for this guy
That's what I mean. Highball IS good in that tryhardy fashion. This one is not. Also, I'll throw Song of Syhlex somewhere since (if I remember what the fic is) you will like that one.

>As if had I only read 1 book in my life it would've been the bible kek
What other pick you could have there? I think The Bible would be a clear #1 choice for me there. It's just a foundation of our entire culture, one way of another, and like half of the classic proverbs, sayings, and literally allusions requires knowing it. It is recommended reading for, well, living in the Western at any point since its post-Roman inception.
Expanding to a top 5 is an interesting thought exercise. I'd probably add Homer's Odyssey right after, but it's a pretty distant second. Then something more modern. Crime and Punishment, I think. Then Ulisses if you're feeling pretentious and Lolita if not? Hamlet probably earns a spot. You could also put The Epic of Gilgamesh instead of Odyssey, but I'd be against that swap.

>>42784675
Nothing wrong with that.

>>42784880
>He did shoot a lot.
That's true, he was firing a lot so maybe he got some hits. Although we also learn he was firing at his own dudes for part of it
>But you wouldn't appreciate it if it were a good artsy fic, either, and I'm saying it's not even that. If you google it, you'll find people praising it to high heavens both in /fimfic/ and on the site itself.
>That's what I mean. Highball IS good in that tryhardy fashion.
True enough. I would also definitely agree highball was significantly better than this one was.
>Also, I'll throw Song of Syhlex somewhere since (if I remember what the fic is) you will like that one.
sure why not
>What other pick you could have there? I think The Bible would be a clear #1 choice for me there.
Fair enough I suppose. I definitely have not read the Bible though.

I was supposed to read Princess Celestia Gets Mugged, but I read Coin Operated Mare instead. Estee is apparently pretty annoying about writing engaging M[Sex] fics that seem like they're going to have smut, but then don't.

>>42784675
I liked that story.
It was nice.

>>42785285
It is secretly just a Insecure Celestia story dressed up in a Hunter: The Reckoning crossover.

>>42784917
>I definitely have not read the Bible though.
Some of the letters are nice.

>>42784917
Many things in Western culture make more sense after you read the Bible. Even if you have no religious interest whatsoever, it's so influential that it's worth reading for cultural context alone.

>>42785342
I used to tell myself that, then I tried to actual read The Bible. It's fucking boring until roughly Kings.

>>42785350
I heard you can skip to act 5 when the trolls show up and it's better.

>>42783017
>$420 for just a fourteen thousand word story
Are you out of your fucking mind?

>>42785350
I remember reading the Saul-David-Solomon part when I was young and having a blast laughing at them.
And then rereading it in my twenties and feeling bad.

>>42785423
$30/k-word is an entirely reasonable rate actually, especially after the recent developments. I should honestly up my rate to that too.

>>42785423
He is, but not for that reason. $0.03/word is a reasonable rate.

>>42785702
The reason I've never done commissions myself is because I would never pay someone else that much.

>>42785147
>Estee is apparently pretty annoying
yyyyep
>about writing engaging M[Sex] fics that seem like they're going to have smut, but then don't.
that too

How're them words going?

>>42783852
Mugging was really entertaining on Celestia and the thieves part, but Luna was upset and angry in a way that was too serious for the comedy. Giving all the kidnappers jobs in the end also feels off. Poverty doesn't do crime, people do. Overall the story was fun.

Just a boy(tm) was not good, which is a bummer because the premise of a dying solider going to equestria works well. Instead it's a sad civil excerpt like what they made me read in school followed by fluttershy crying "He's just like us!" over and over even though it isn't true since she has nothing else to say about the guy she just met. Spike accidentally shooting the gun was good and the description of him being whisked away was good but I'm fishing for the good in a story that doesn't make the cut. Instead of having fluttershy dream of war, it should have had the boy(tm) show up dying at the start and have him tell her about the war himself over several days of declining health.

>>42786045
Did some decent progress. Just passed 40k on my fic.
Here's hoping I can finish an additional two chapters before the year is over.

>>42786040
>open image
>looks like Luna is licking her lips
>read "foals"
>LUNA NO-oh
but we'll catch her in the act eventually

>>42786126
You're confusing her with Twilight

>/fimfic/ Secret Book Club
>The one hundred and thirty-eighth and one hundred and thirty-ninth books
oh man I've been away a while. we were still in single digits i think

>>42783704
So it's a total replacement of Luna as a character, just as I said? That's fine, good, even great. She's transformed into "the blue background pony that's also Celestia's sister" into "Princess Luna," Princess of the Night and somepony who is interesting on her own. You're still acting like it's somehow a bad thing for the show to rectify such a serious mistake by taking drastic action. It's just not.

The Elizabethan speech is a great idea, and if later episodes don't use it, that only makes those episodes worse, not Luna Eclipsed. Fortunately, fanfics can rescue it, and I still love what I Watch the Moon does with it. Obviously, the same applies to baps.

I hate the old timey speech honestly, I can't even articulate why but I prefer it when she's antiquated but dropped most of the thees and thous.

>>42786267
A couple of them were even good!

>>42786325
some of them yeah, from what i remember. turns out i was mistaken though, Eyes On You (#13) was the last one i read, i skipped Best Night Ever because i had just recently read it and then never got caught up again afterwards.
apparently i was too busy filling out my checklist to do both at the same time. I don't even remember most of these, or why i rated them the way i did. guess that means it's time for rereads

>>42785423
Wouldn't my commissioner be he who's out of his mind here?

>>42785520
I'm probably going to raise mine to $33.33 soon. If I keep getting business after that, probably $35 even later.

>>42785790
Now I'm curious if you've ever commissioned artwork or anything. It can be pretty easy for a fancy digital painting to go into the hundreds, especially when the artist is in high demand.

I think being on the other side of commissions is pretty neat. I'll describe an idea and maybe send over a shitty stick figure to an artist, and get something awesome practically plucked from my mind's eye. My commissioners usually come to me with extremely vague ideas I expand on pretty extensively with them. It's funny, because I've discussed this with artists, and we both kind of take our talents for granted. You know, an artist can pretty easily sketch out a scene, a writer can pretty easily describe an idea.

Another interesting part of it is I just recently talked with an artist who had a nervous breakdown about the AI shit, but I've never had more customers before. I guess /CHAG/ just doesn't cut it.

>>42786407
>if you've ever commissioned artwork or anything
Nope.
I've always taken care of these stuff myself. Mainly due to the aforementioned aversion to paying that much money.
I think it may be due to me being a thirdworlder, so a dollar stretches more than what I'm used to handling.

>>42786462
>I think it may be due to me being a thirdworlder, so a dollar stretches more than what I'm used to handling.
Ah, yeah, then that would make sense. A lot of artists in places like Russia and Mexico have relatively cheap prices compared to what they offer because of the currency difference.

>>42786475
Even with the dollar value tanking, I still couldn't fathom charging that much for my writing.
More power to you, though. I'm glad you get to make money out of your writing.

>>42786491
>Even with the dollar value tanking
My money's on crashing with no survivors.

>I still couldn't fathom charging that much for my writing.
Have you ever tried? If you've got an audience, you can always attempt. The worst that happens is you get no takers.

>More power to you, though. I'm glad you get to make money out of your writing.
Thank you.

>>42786120
>Just passed 40k on my fic.
In the grim cuteness of the far future, there are only horsewords.

>>42786523
Actually, I think the worst that could happen is that you take someone's money and fail to deliver. One reason I don't want to do commissions is because I find my own ideas far more exciting than other people's. I don't find the money particularly alluring (I write too slow and my day job pays too well), so I can't imagine telling someone, "Yes, I will write your idea even though I have more fun things to work on."

>>42786640
>Actually, I think the worst that could happen is that you take someone's money and fail to deliver.
Oh, yeah, that's the real nightmare scenario, I suppose. I didn't think I had tight limits, but I figured that out the hard way when I tried to write for one guy and just couldn't do it. I tried to cancel on him a few times, but he was fine waiting, and I eventually had to tell him I just couldn't write it regardless of how much time I had. I was really nervous accepting full payment upfront for this latest story, kek.

>One reason I don't want to do commissions is because I find my own ideas far more exciting than other people's.
Sure, but I'm certain most of the artists I commission feel the same way, and they still let me commission them. It feels good to let someone else guide my hand like this, just as I guide an artist's hand.

>I don't find the money particularly alluring (I write too slow and my day job pays too well), so I can't imagine telling someone, "Yes, I will write your idea even though I have more fun things to work on."
That's fair, it was just a suggestion.