>>514978127
>my family treats like I'm a pet, so, dying will make their lives better economically.
Don't know if you read my original post ITT.
You still have self-pity. A big part in overcoming it for me was to forgive everything. Mindfulness allowed me to do it.
I used to feel so sorry for myself.
My father raised me as his daughter. He had four sons. My mother wanted a daughter but couldn't get one. She chose me to be her favorite, and my dad used me to punish her.
He turned my brothers against me from childhood. My failure allowed him to control my mother. As long as I failed and was miserable, he had the upper hand over my mother. He told our extended family about my failures. Any success was quickly shot down.
I barely wanted to drop out of first week in high school. Anywhere I went, people talked about me as the failure from a great family. Everyone was invested in me being the failure. They could all project their shortcomings on me. My younger brother reassured himself that "at least he wasn't me" any time he failed.
I never did any drugs.
I never did anything bad.
All I did was hate myself, feel fight-or-flight and never left my room.
At 15, I stopped eating, hoping to kms that way. I was too scared to even leave my room. At 16, I stopped leaving my room because I didn't want to walk past my dad. If I did, he would show discomfort.
At 17, my uncle bought a business with my oldest brother and my entire family said I needed to work in it and be put to good use. I was forced to work in the summers 12 hours a day with no regular schedule. The moment they needed labor, I had to wake up and be ready to spend my entire day working. At 18 this work became 16 hours a day, every day.
At 21, I obsessed over a project with my uncle from Norway and it took off with his encouragement, and all money I gave back to my family.
24, that ended.
At 25, my brother bought a mansion using my money and I suffered a mental collapse and psychosis.