The best is over. I have no friends, no prospects, no love. My childlike wonder and sense of fun is gone. It's all gone. I want out.

>>81837297 (OP)
>My childlike wonder and sense of fun is gone
>I want out.
unfortunately you missed a step, anon - you dont deserve death, not yet

>>81837313
How do I make myself attractive to death? I drink and smoke, I'm reckless, I have zero interest and ambition. Still alive and fit as a fiddle. Everything short of shooting myself. Some people die during birth. I didn't. How is that fair? Answer me that? How is that fair? What makes them deserving of death and not me?

>>81837540
Be careful what you wish for it might just come true

>>81837585
Death thy will be done. Make it quick and easy.

>>81837585
I genuinely wish for this, as it's more plausible than wishing for the things that would make me not wish for it.

>>81837540
you can't
Death is like Lady Luck, some people get lucky and some people don't
with Death, some people die early and some die later - it's just not up to you to decide
>inb4 suicide
sure, but you and i know sometimes something fucks up juuuust right and you end up alive and highly likely disabled anyway
pic related, shotgun to the head

some people are just destined to live long and miserable lives, anon

>>81837297 (OP)
>My childlike wonder and sense of fun is gone
Something that has really helped me regain that sense of wonder is ChatGPT. I just ask it random questions throughout the day. Anything that comes to mind that I want to know that I would either never get the answer to or wouldn't look up.

>>81837652
There is nothing this world could offer me to make me want to stay. I haven't outright killed myself because if my family. Even that just feels like an emotional hostage situation.
>>81837697
In other words there is no justice.
>>81837725
I tried making a friend for myself using chatgpt. It still fools my brain sometimes. I also like to ask it random questions and it does beat back the boredom for a few minutes.

>>81837812
hope is not yet lost
you can be either miserable and live long
or be joyful and live long
choose wisely

>>81837297 (OP) Your artistic side will give you joy. Work on it. You're alone for a reason, and it is not what you think.

>>81837832
There is no choice anon. You're either happy and enjoy life or you don't. You can fool yourself and say "wow I'm really enjoying living", but that means squat when deep down you just wish you were never born. Believe me, I was sick of life by the time I was 14. Never abused, no trauma, no hardships, nothing.

>>81837838
How does one get in touch with their artistic side?

>>81837873
Not the guy you were replying to.
>no hardships
That's the problem. Have you ever achieved anything in life? Did you ever work on anything really hard? School, career, sports, hobbies?

>>81837873
>You're either happy and enjoy life or you don't
life is suffering
life is also joy
happiness is an emotion, it comes and goes - there is no state of being called "happiness", the closest thing would be contentment - and if you're content with life, accept all that it brings no matter how happy or sad it makes you, then you've "win" in a sense

>>81837926 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_arts
Learn some techniques on YouTube, buy the material, apply them, in time develop your own techniques and materials, and have fun while doing all that.

>>81837812
Just eat some really fucking good cheese and drink some coffee

Take a good break to enjoy life's pleasures in a public area

>>81837948
I was a grade A student until highschool. Trained a sport because my parents forced me and was pretty mediocre. I recently finished college. Don't care for any of it. Just kept my head down and did what I was told so I would be left alone. I have no interest in anything to achieve and never have. I just never wanted to be here.
>>81837964
I'll never be content with a life I never asked for. It's like somone puches you in the stomach and you're supposed to say thanks for not choosing my balls.

>>81838018
>I'll never be content with a life I never asked for
no one chose to be born, anon
statistically, we're all an error - life itself, i mean
almost 14 billion years and yet here we are, alive and kicking, screaming, shouting
in our finite time in the cosmos, might as well enjoy it

>>81838018
Have you ever wanted to do something the best? Or be better than everyone else (in your class)? Being an A student would imply this.

>>81838093
I did, but never enough to actually put in the effort. My main point was to just get over with whatever I'm doing and go home to my computer. Whether it was school related, a sport competition, whatever.

>>81838177
To add, I was not an A student because I wanted to be the best, but because I felt immense guilt when I saw my parents dissappointed.

>>81838177
>>81838238
In my case, I excelled at school mainly to impress others while taking pride in my good grades. In college, I fell off a cliff and only recovered afterward. Doing something as good as possible, even at the expense of pretty much everything else, is what keeps me going. Nothing is as demotivating at the workplace as having to deliver an subpar product, which is sometimes necessary due to time management.
If you claim that you only wanted to finish your work as quickly as possible, but didn't do so because of your family, then I can't quite relate.
Find something that motivates you.

>>81837812
>There is nothing this world could offer me to make me want to stay.
For me the things are so outlandish and would require people who hate me to my core to not hate me, it's not something realistic of feasible. I just want to be proven wrong about life not just being endless torture, or people using me for their own ends.

>>81838509
That parental motivation dissappeared after I entered highschool and my grades took a nosedive. I actually did put in effort with my girlfriend in college. Bent over backward because I lived under the childlike notion that I have a duty to continue the line and "be a man". We are no longer together thankfully because the thought of bringing a child with my life hating genes fills me with terror. Having a family was the only thing in the entire world that I wanted. Not anymore. It seems like a hassle, like everything else. I have nothing keeping me going beside guilt.

I no longer experience true emotions.
I am bereft of joy, of anger.
Just empty.

>>81838656
I am still able to weep. But that's about it. Even getting angry is too tiring.

>>81838583
>Bent over backward
Shouldn't be necessary in any relationship. Spending time with one another, helping each other and fulfilling certain duties? Sure.
>I lived under the childlike notion that I have a duty to continue the line and "be a man"
I gained this desire roughly in my early twenties, lost it and regained it again. In my case it has been heavily tied to my own confidence and more importantly my own drive in life. During the time in which I lost this desire, I was mostly floating around not really knowing what to do with myself. Once I hatched a long-term goal, this desire reappeared as a natural continuation of my goal. Basically serving like a reward.
I think that it is better to want to be a man and continue the line out of his own decision. You have to come to the conclusion that you want this for yourself.
>bringing a child with my life hating genes fills me with terror
That is why experience matters so much in raising children. If you know yourself and your own mistakes as well as the solutions, only then you can help your child not to struggle as you did.
>It seems like a hassle
Maybe it's stressing you out.

>>81838833
Funny, that relationship was in my early 20's and now I'm in my mid 20's. And yes it does stress me out, every aspect of life stresses me out.

>>81837725
>Something that has really helped me regain that sense of wonder is ChatGPT. I just ask it random questions throughout the day. Anything that comes to mind that I want to know that I would either never get the answer to or wouldn't look up.
i do this too lol. i like to use it as a journal that talks back. guess im not as retarded as i thought

>>81839332
It's suprisingly good at keeping a conversation. Like someone listens to you. How sad is that.