What's it like being depressed?

>>81890420 (OP)
what is like NOT being depressed?

>>81890420 (OP)
This is the most accurate depiction of it so far, at least for me. It doesn't just say "it's muh prolonged sadness" it actually goes in depth.
https://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

>>81890420 (OP)
"The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

>>81890420 (OP)
I doubt there is any real 'one for all' recipe of depression, as far as I could understand with online resources and listening to other people's experiences, you have common feelings but otherwise some subjectivity to it.
Either way, if I could describe it my own way... The world looks grayer, it lacks vibrancy, the flavors feel more bland and 'more of the same' between one another. There is no real enjoyment in what you do, maybe you get a small crumb of it--happens--but it's still just a crumb, and just as it came it goes away. You are left questioning yourself if you even 'deserved' that crumb, or if it was just luck. You don't quite feel the motivation and energy to move forward, making whatever other things you have that makes you lack energy feel even worse. You worry and overthink things, a lot, at times even the small ones nobody cares about, to the point someone might even tell you "It's nothing/Why are you apologizing?".
I'm not sure I gave it a good idea of it but it's true that depression is not just "I feel a bit sad", which would still be fine if sadness as all you can describe depression with. But depression goes deeper than momentary sadness; even someone who looks happy might be depressed.
>>81890423
I wonder about this a lot.

Dudes... what's it like being someone who isn't you?? :think: :skull:

>>81890420 (OP)
being depressed is not as bad as being ontologically damned into very active pain you can't pinpoint so much that even breaking through depression changes nothing

>>81890420 (OP)
>why are you doing this
>you know it doesnt matter
>nothing you do will change anything
>god youre incompetent
>nobody needs you, nobody wants you, nobody will ever love you
>you do realize what a burden you are, right?
>you always do everything wrong.
>you dont deserve good things
>why do you get out of bed?
>i feel so heavy.
>its so hard to focus these days.
>why is my memory so bad? i cant remember things like i used to.
>i miss enjoying things.
>you cant go on like this.
>why are you even bothering eating anymore? all you do is poke at it, anyways.
>maybe some alcohol will fill the void for a bit

I tell myself I'm worthless and should kill myself at least once per day almost involuntarily

>>81890420 (OP)
You mostly don't feel anything
No motivation to do anything, nothing feels good
Might feel bad, but not necessarily. You just wanna do nothing all the time forever

For me there were few different kinds
>kind that felt like a big smothering blanket. Heavy, made me feel warm and cold at the same time, made me feel tired all the time. Comfortable in a bad way.
>kind that felt like just emptiness. Still exhausted, not warm. Lost a lot of weight because I was too tired to eat.
>general everyday listlessness. No interests, passions, hobbies. Just boredom, discomfort. Mind feels blank and incapable of conjuring strong emotions positive or negative.

>>81891439
Also the first one had a weird aspect like making yourself feel bad or sad made you feel "good". Like sinking into the warm blankets of depression.
It kind of fed off itself, the sadder I got, the more comfortable i felt.

>>81890420 (OP)
nothing matters to you even if everyone tells you it should and you know it should

Read bartelyby the scrivener
Basically like that
You dont really want to do anything, so you die

>>81890420 (OP)
Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if I'm depressed or not, I'm just not happy with my life

>>81890461
>It doesn't just say "it's muh prolonged sadness" it actually goes in depth.
but it doesn't say that
it says it's permanent boredom
i am not necessarily bored as far as i can tell i am just permanently sad
so what do i have, nothing i guess, just life happened to me

Everyone is always going on about how you're just sad all the time or want to kill yourself, but these guys are mostly just secondary scrubs with just a surface level attention seeking depression.

Real endgame depression is not seeking attention or threatening to kill yourself every other minute, it's a lack of energy and will to do anything, leading to what I would describe as being lobotomized by the depression. You sleep, but you feel nothing. You can't enjoy anything. Everything is just void and null

>wake up
>lie in bed for 2 hours
>maybe I should get up
>lie in bed 1 more hour
>need to piss or shit becomes too much and have to do that
>do that, get stuck just sitting on the toilet with head empty and staring into nothingness for an extra hour
>think about eating something
>do you want to bother doing that
>eat something like a few biscuits or a cookie
>tired and head foggy, better lie down
>"nap" for 2 hours with eyes closed not doing anything, not thinking anything
>hunger too big, need to eat
>take 1 more hour to get to eating eventually because you just can't bring up the will to do anything
>eat maybe 1 cookie
>should try to do something
>watch tv or be on computer
>can't enjoy anything, head empty, no energy
>decide to go to sleep and sleep 11 hours
>rinse and repeat daily while being oblivious to time passing for multiple years

>>81891341
I keep telling myself to kill myself out of reflex, like it's tourettes or something, when there is a lot of downtime, especially when I am reviewing my memories or something. It's a reflex, like swearing when I feel pain.

When I get stuck into some work, that sometimes fades away.

>>81892475
>only merely an extra hour on the toilet
>>eat something like a few biscuits or a cookie
>>hunger too big, need to eat
>>take 1 more hour to get to eating eventually because you just can't bring up the will to do anything
>>eat maybe 1 cookie
>>should try to do something
>>watch tv or be on computer
hyperactive normie

Uhhhh it depends
You can have mild depression, where you'll just feel bad about your current situation. It goes away as you make lifestyle changes I think.
Then you have cronic depression, which is where you'll feel like shit on and off at random intervals throughout weeks or even months. This is what I have because despite being depressed, I still have enough willpower go to work and take care of myself.
Then you have severe depression, where you feel like shit 24/7, lose all hope, literally don't care about showering and dental hygiene, eating ect. It basically feels like a rock in your chest and it hurts for some reason?

>>81890420 (OP)
I get depressed when I can't put me peener en teh vageener

I'll provide a snippet of my notes from a few years ago when I was in highschool
>[9:26]
>I could've been miscarried or something
>[9:26]
>and it would've been okay
>[9:26]
but nooooo
>[9:26]
>live xdDDD
>[9:27]
>fuck
>[9:27]
>this
>[9:27]
>shit
>[9:27]
>I'd do lighter fluid but my throat is busted and doing anything more to it will probably hurt more
>[9:27]
>I just wish I was never born

>>81890420 (OP)
For me it was no sleep. Acting like a brainless drone and almost no eating. My healthy weight is 65kg by the end I was malnurished at 52kg. It all happend in my army service. Now out of there; sleeping well and a 90kg happy fatso NEET.

I find it funny that it's only when I find this thread that I finally understand what being depressed is like, and these posts >>81890461 >>81891033 >>81891237 >>81891282 >>81892475 felt somehow so relatable, as in, they perfectly described with words my current situation

i've been feeling like this for maybe 16 years in a row, and I thought I could just push it away and ignore it, that I was strong and stoic for controlling my emotions (I still felt them but decided to not act on them), but it's finally come back in full force
it's made worse by the fact that I see everyone around me live fulfilling lives and having hope and plans for the future, while I'm here jobless, stuck in a life in which I find no meaning, no will to go forward, no memory of ever feeling happy or enjoying life.

also, I don't believe it's something therapy could fix, talking it out and feeling better is usually a female thing (no offense fellow fembots), talking about your problems and actually solving them and different things

>>81890420 (OP)
Basically, you have almost no energy or motivation. People confuse depression with sadness, which makes the condition so much more dangerous

>>81890420 (OP)

This is depression as far as I understand it.

>>81895309
Fuckkk, this is me so much.

>>81890420 (OP)
You are tired all the time and have no motivation to do anything and because of that you feel even worse because you fall behind on everything and think that you're doomed and can't do anything about anything and should just die

>>81894057
Do drugs therapy is for after you're out of the depression