Thread 82409209

Thread for discussions about selfharm and mutual support

last day before the weekend!

>How are you doing today?
>Any plans for today?
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
>Why did you hurt yourself?
>Is there anything bothering you right now?

don't forget
Here's a bunch of helpful links

> long list of self harm alternatives (thank you muddy):
https://imgur.io/a/7Q2zgw7

>a first aid post cuting:
https://www.lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-for-self-injury-and-self-harm/

> wound care guide:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CsvJs8qNCVkHWHKekMSmCn6qn0GBEcgnq9fIqlA6Uv0/mobilebasic

>a bpd workbook:
https://d-pdf.com/book/1781/read

>a bpd Information Book (anon said it's exceptionally good)
https://annas-archive.org/md5/1a4f329474320214a120a4d553c6b60c

> bdbt (dialectical behavioral therapy)
workbook is intended for BPD but can work for anyone:
https://cursosdepsicologia.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/THEDIA1.pdf

Please don't post any drastic images and if you have to, spoiler them

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WKnVaDwUg5s&list=PL65E33789AA7052BC&index=7&pp=iAQB8AUB

HEYOO
how's it going??
I ate pizza again today and went on a bike ride

>>82410230
hey dude! a bit quiet today, but other than that it's a nice evening. ate some chocolate, drinking some mate soda, playing silksong.

>I ate pizza again today
was it from the same place?

>went on a bike ride
wherw did you go? some sightseeing or did you explore the area? how was the bike? probably not as good as yours at home?

>>82410413
>bit quiet toda
that's just how it is sometimes
>ate some chocolate, drinking some mate soda, playing silksong.
it does sounds like a nice evening, was it the funky chocolate that you like?
And how's the game, u still loike it?
>was it from the same place?
nope other one
that's last one had too little tomato source on it
>wherw did you go?
just out and around, to some forests and clifs and such
also to the beach
>probably not as good as yours at home?
definitely
it was a bit beaten down but overall all it was acceptable, after some adjustments from me of course :3

>>82409209 (OP)
>How are you doing today?
good.
>Any plans for today?
I went to the gym. leg day + arms. then i went to the park to do some skipping. came home. ate. did a little bit of coursework. now i'm sitting here.
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
like a week ago.
>Why did you hurt yourself?
can't remember.
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
loneliness. i don't have any friends because i pushed them away. i have nobody to blame but myself. that's just the truth.

>>82410727
>that's just how it is sometimes
i'm not complaining ^^

>was it the funky chocolate that you like?
i tried something different, but the wrapper was so wordy that i didn't see that it was nougat. not my favorite, but it was ok.

>And how's the game, u still loike it?
yeah, but there's some changes to character progression and playstyle i don't really vibe with. got really frustrated with the design of one area as well, but i think i just have to find some more abilities and items to customise everything to my liking. we'll see.

>that's last one had too little tomato source on it
sacrilege! the amount of sauce has to be just right! not too much and not too little. :< was this one better?

>to some forests and clifs and such
also to the beach
sounds like a nice tour. how's the weather so far?

>it was a bit beaten down but overall all it was acceptable, after some adjustments from me of course :3
you're one of the few customers who returns a bike in better condition than he got it ^^

>>82410752
hello imdai!

>good
nice! :D

>I went to the gym. leg day + arms. then i went to the park to do some skipping.
well done! o7 i was a bit lazy this week and skipped a workout and stretches... :/ at least i'll work out with friend tomorrow, so there's no way around that.

>ate
what did you have?

>did a little bit of coursework.
well done again! ;D

>now i'm sitting here.
nothing to do? hm... maybe watch some movie or series you wanted to?

>can't remember
probably for the better

>i don't have any friends because i pushed them away. i have nobody to blame but myself. that's just the truth.
at least you can acknowledge it. that's a step in the right direction. i know it's not much, but you can always hang out with us. do you want to talk about what happened between your friends and you? do you think you can mend the relationship somehow?

>>82411049
>well done! o7
thanks yuanon
>i was a bit lazy this week and skipped a workout and stretches... :/ at least i'll work out with friend tomorrow
nice. i hope your workout feels good and goes well with your friend.
>what did you have?
two chicken breasts, two chicken skewers, two slices of brown bread, ten cucumber slices, two lettuce leaves, one litre of water. just eating for fuel at this point.
>well done again! ;D
thanks again yuanon
>nothing to do? hm... maybe watch some movie or series you wanted to?
i watched nobody 2 and ballerina last night (pirated of course). maybe i'll find something else to watch.
>but you can always hang out with us.
thanks again again yuanon.
(1/2)

>>82411049
>not complaining ^^
i see, it's not keeping you from gaming ;3
>nougat
I got some toblerone some time ago with that and idk if I like it, it was strange looked like nuts but it was very chewy
>frustrated with the design of one area
there's always that one area heh
>we'll see
true true and make they'll be some mods to change it
>sacrilege!
exactly :C
>was this one better?
yes :>
>nice tour. how's the weather so far?
pretty good
it's supposed to rain tomorrow though
>few customers who returns a bike in better condition than he got it ^^
hehe ^^
I guess you're right, they should be paying me actually
btw might go eep soon

>>82411049
(2/3)
>do you want to talk about what happened between your friends and you?
basically throughout secondary school (year 7 to year 11 in the uk, so basically 11 to sixteen years old) i had a large friend group. one morning, i was added to a group chat with a couple of friends and we were just shooting the shit. then we started to make jokes about each other's races (for example, one of my friends was black, so we were making jokes about him working in cotton fields and me working in rice fields because i'm asian).
then i realise that, on whatsapp, my friend is highlighted as brown in the group. i then make a joke saying "oh i can say the n word then". one of my friends eggs me on, so i type "nigger" in the chat and they all laugh and take screenshots. but i didn't think they'd send them around the school because they were still joking. i apologised afterwards just in case they were offended.
so come next day of school apparently one of the friends in the group sent a screenshot of me saying nigger around the school. got punched. isolated (basically get sent to a room for the entire week to do work). fell out with all but three friends. that sucked.
sixth form (sixteen to eighteen years old) was better. it was a small school, and everyone knew each other. we were all friends. but then when school finished, i only stayed in contact with one of my friends because i didn't ask anyone else for their contact info.
fast foward three months later and i get messages from my other friends reaching out to make contact, but i don't reply. i don't know why i didn't just reply. i think i was too overstimulated and worked up post-sixth-form because i was dealing with a lot of shit during sixth form. i was studying subjects i didn't like, because i made stupid subject choices before starting sixth form and couldn't change no matter how hard i tried. was heavily self harming. didn't talk with anyone. not even my parents.

What do I do with the wide clown?

>>82411049
(3/3)
on top of this, i also deleted their messages, so now i've forgotten their names (somehow idk how) and don't have their contact info.
i've accepted it's my fault and moved on. even if they reached out, i don't think i'd reply to them. i've become very antisocial and withdrawn. i only go out to go to the gym, go to the park to walk, and go shopping.
i've been applying for jobs but no one accepts me. i'm taking a gap year out. my uni place is confirmed for next year september. thankfully the university is literally thirty minutes away from me by public transport.
so yeah. that's it. at least, from my perspective.

>it's not keeping you from gaming ;3
pretty much. :> though i have to get up sowhat early for my workout tomorrow, so i can't stay up too long anyway

>it was strange looked like nuts but it was very chewy
yeah. i think is caramalized nuts and that makes it chewy. it's not a chocolate i care for very much.

>there's always that one area heh
well, you have to traverse it by bouncing of ballons by hitting them, but in the beginning your only way to attack down is a diagonal dive attack, so you have to hit them in just the right angle or you dive right into some spikes. now, after a few hours, i can change it so that i do a wide slash attack instead of diving. would have made the whole area trivil if i had that before. (-_-;) maybe the fuckhuge ant with a club that kills me in a few swings should have been a warning to come back later, but who does that, right?

>make they'll be some mods to change it
that's the issue when you cook in secret for 6 years. sometimes feedback is good.

>yes :>
phew. vacation saved.

>it's supposed to rain tomorrow though
can be fun as well. maybe you can go to some cafe and enjoy the rain from inside?

>they should be paying me actually
definitely should!

>btw might go eep soon
must be quite exhausting for you to be outside all day. sleep tight!

>>82411103
>i hope your workout feels good and goes well with your friend.
thanks and same. it's been rough lately, but that's just weakness leaving the body. or so i'm told.

>two chicken breasts, two chicken skewers, two slices of brown bread, ten cucumber slices, two lettuce leaves, one litre of water.
oddly specific, but hey, if it gets the job done. ^^

>just eating for fuel at this point.
makes sense to me and if that's the goal you could reduce what you eat even more and feel better, at least when you want to believe some people on the internet.

>nobody 2 and ballerina last night
any good?

>maybe i'll find something else to watch
to tell if you do

>thanks again again yuanon.
oh, you're welcome?

>>82411178
>basically...
i see. people really like to get worked up over nothing these days. sorry you've been targeted like that.

>i don't know why i didn't just reply. i think i was too overstimulated and worked up post-sixth-form because i was dealing with a lot of shit during sixth form.
probably that. sometimes you're just dealing with too much stuff and your brain shuts down. i guess it's a form of protection. at least in some way.

>was heavily self harming. didn't talk with anyone. not even my parents.
understandable. pretty bad, but understandable. how's your relationship with your parents now?

>>82411203
>now i've forgotten their names (somehow idk how) and don't have their contact info.
does your friend that you do have the contact info from know the one who contacted you? maybe you can reach out that way?

>i don't think i'd reply to them.
who knows. maybe you'd surprise yourself.

>i've become very antisocial and withdrawn.
well, but you reached out here, so that's progress, don't you think?

>>82411203
>i only go out to go to the gym, go to the park to walk, and go shopping.
pretty much what i do as well, but i'm not sure what i should do or where to go anyway. then again, everyone was complaining about social distancing during the pandemic and literally nothing changed for me, so i'm suppose i'm not a very social person, either... ^^'

>i've been applying for jobs but no one accepts me.
i don't think that's your fault. economies are not in the best shape right now. what jobs are you looking for?

>i'm taking a gap year out. my uni place is confirmed for next year september.
maybe not the worst idea to take a break and have a clean start next year.

>>82411716
>oddly specific, but hey, if it gets the job done. ^^
i know. it does. i only eat one meal a day, and this is the meal i eat. i only give myself saturday to treat myself to a cheat day.

>if that's the goal you could reduce what you eat even more and feel better, at least when you want to believe some people on the internet.
i'm skinnyfat, and i want to be a bit bigger, so that's why i'm eating so much. that alongside the fact i only eat once a day. lol.

>any good?
yes. for me at least. nobody > nobody 2, but nobody 2 is a very fun film. also ballerina is awesome. the action sequences are so fucking good. absolute kino.

>to tell if you do.
nope. just rewatching youtube videos i've already seen. lol.

>sorry you've been targeted like that
don't apologise. it's not your fault...right? jk lol. but thanks for your sympathy.

>how's your relationship with your parents now?
my parents have never been abusive to me and my brothers. my father has only hit me once, and that was a spanking on my bottom when i was being a little shit as a child. lol. but i get on with my parents. i don't talk with my family a lot. i used to have hour-long talks with my mother and father, and i used to play with my younger brothers a lot (i'm the oldest), but, to be honest, i've only talked like a maximum of one hour last week to my family. there's no malice, just distance.

>does your friend that you do have the contact info from know the one who contacted you? maybe you can reach out that way?
like i said, i don't have their contact info. he reached out the same time the others reached out to me, so maybe he talked to them and they all tried to reach out. i've looked up his name but haven't found anything relating to him.

>who knows. maybe you'd surprise yourself.
i hope so.

>>82411716
>>82411741
>well, but you reached out here, so that's progress, don't you think?
that's a nice way to look at it. although it's easier to talk to online strangers than it is to talk to people you know irl. regardless, it is progress, albeit small.

>but i'm not sure what i should do or where to go anyway.
one of us. one of us.

>so i'm suppose i'm not a very social person, either... ^^'
ONE OF US. ONE OF US.

>what jobs are you looking for?
administrative/receptionist roles. sales assistant roles. shelf stacking. warehouse jobs. and the like.

>maybe not the worst idea to take a break and have a clean start next year.
that was part of the reason why i wanted to take a break. i have three main goals for this gap year. get a job. get my drivers license. do pre-learning for uni, because my sixth form subjects were maths, bio and chem, and my uni course is cybersecurity and networks. my dad works in it, so i've always had an interest in it.

>>82409209 (OP)
Hi /cut/ :3
I am doing alright today.

Anyway, I have got a question for you guys: what kinda stuff do you like to watch on YouTube?

>>82411887
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-eH8tkIs9s
v

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPsiuGcUniQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eTBc7aWBGw

>>82411887
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-eH8tkIs9s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPsiuGcUniQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eTBc7aWBGw

>>82411916
Looks pretty cool. I am guessing you are quite into music, huh?

>>82412021
yeah. i know i'll never commit suicide because of two reasons; good music and good food. what kind of music do you listen to anon?

>>82412029
I do not listen to music often. When I do, I like to listen to a DSBM band.

>>82412070
like nocturnal depression?

>>82412082
I have not heard of that band before, but it seems pretty interesting. I might give it a listen later, as I have a bit of a headache now.

>>82412178
hope your headache goes away anon

>>82411829
>i only eat one meal a day, and this is the meal i eat.
fair enough.

>i'm skinnyfat, and i want to be a bit bigger
ah, i get you. and i wasn't talking about the amount, but the variety.

>nobody > nobody 2
i haven't watched either, but i heard they're competent action films. maybe i'll give them a try one day.

>ballerina is awesome. the action sequences are so fucking good. absolute kino.
i don't think i've heard about that one before. what's it about? and since you like action movies, ever seen the raid or dredd?

>just rewatching youtube videos i've already seen
at least you know what you get. can be worth a lot, depending on your mood.

>it's not your fault...right?
you never know... (>.>)

>i've only talked like a maximum of one hour last week to my family. there's no malice, just distance.
stuff like that happens. maybe you'll get closer again at some point, but i guess your not in the right state of mind for that right now. it's ok, though.

>like i said, i don't have their contact info.
that's too bad. well, only thing you can do is wait and see.

>>82411842
>although it's easier to talk to online strangers than it is to talk to people you know irl.
true, but i tried talking to people irl and i can't say that it makes a huge difference or changes anything long term, at least in my experience. i'd rather talk to you guys.

>ONE OF US.
and that by choice. this is the only community i've ever been a part of.

>and the like.
best of luck o7

>that was part of the reason why i wanted to take a break.
good idea. you seem well prepared.

>>82411887
hey anon!

>I am doing alright today.
awesome! :> any plans for the weekend?

>what kinda stuff do you like to watch on YouTube?
hm. asmr, vids about games, stuff made here (the guy builds overly complicated things and overengineers the shit out of them), some fitness stuff. pretty much whatever i feel like. what about you?

i'll be heading to bed now. good night!

I haven't ate or drank anything in days. I am addicted to destroying myself.

>>82412328
>i wasn't talking about the amount, but the variety.
ah right mb
>i haven't watched either, but i heard they're competent action films. maybe i'll give them a try one day.
i highly reccomend them.
>i don't think i've heard about that one before. what's it about? and since you like action movies, ever seen the raid or dredd?
basically set between the events of the third and fourth john wick films. follows the story of a ballerina who wants revenge on the people who killed their father when she was a girl. i think the script for this film was made around the time of the first john wick film (which was gonna be called "scorn" lol).
>best of luck o7
thanks yuanon.
>good idea. you seem well prepared.
hopefully i can live up to the preparations i made.

i'm gonna try to get some semblance of sleep. but thank you for talking with me yuanon. i hope you have a good day/afternoon/evening/night. take care of yourself.

I plan on self harming for this one cute girl, she's really into gore and blood sexually while I couldn't care. I have self harmed before and showed her for curiosity's sake (minor cuts with a razor on my forearm) but she wants me to do it irl in front of her when I visit her (she lives in France while I live in the US). Any advice on how to proceed? I don't know how I did it previously considering I get nauseous at the sight of blood.

>>82412918
ask her why she wants you to self harm irl. i think she has ulterior motives and is doing it for her own gain and not because she cares about you.

it isn't worth it anon. prioritise your own health over anything else.

You are all pussy bitches if you dont do the neck.

>>82412972
Thanks for the show of concern, anon.

She wants me to self harm because I have done it in the past and brought the idea up myself when I did it, before that I never thought about self harming. It was dumb but I believed it would show how much she means to me. It's my insecurities acting up and making me think she won't like me if I don't appeal to her in every way. I'll think about my own safety and not push for it like I did before, thank you again.

hello, it's me again
nothing too important to tell. i'm feeling like shit as per usual, but i think it's bc no one of my friends actually talked to me through the day. i feel so fucking disposable. feeling like self harming but it won't make any difference. and since i bought a face mask the other day, why not give it a try instead. :P

My supplement stacks and meds mostly stopped working. The upside is that I'm too dysfunctional to spare the energy to even attempt direct SH. I did get into an argument with myself, biting my forearm, though.

>>82409221
>>a bpd Information Book (anon said it's exceptionally good)
> https://annas-archive.org/md5/1a4f329474320214a120a4d553c6b60c
Checking in again in case anyone had read that and would like to discuss it.

>>82413322
Hi :3
What do you mean by face mask? Is it a surgical one? What are you going to do with it?
>>82413199
I am not the same anon you were speaking to before, but I wish you all the best. I do not know what the right thing for you to do is, but I hope whatever you choose works out for you.