Thread 82500251

hi anon, how are you? have you been eating enough? i've been feeling so very brittle lately. have you got anything planned for the coming week?

>>82500251 (OP)
eat shit and die oreg

>>82500251 (OP)
>how are you
Doing alright. At Bible study right now, waiting for the service.

>you been eating enough
Probably too much. Need to start cutting.

>been feeling so very brittle lately
Well that's not good. You not eating enough? Or are you sick?

>anything planned
Hoping for the police to come do my interview. We'll see what's what.

>>82500253
Lick the hairiest part of my asshole, cunt.

>>82500251 (OP)
i have half a bottle of vodka and benedryl, im hoping it either gets me to sleep or preferably it will kill me

>>82500367
Why do you wish for death? Also, have you seen the Hat Man?

>>82500400
sometimes everything is just too much to bear and i jus cant do it anymore sober i dont want to wake up to it again
>hat
oncr

>>82500290
>At Bible study right now
is there a priest reading the bible to students or something like that? i genuinely don't know
>You not eating enough? Or are you sick?
i am eating enough, i think. im not really sick either. but i feel exhausted both mentally and physically. like if something bad happened i could just explode in a million pieces.
>Hoping for the police to come do my interview
have you been waiting for long? i hope it goes well! do you need to pass more exams even if the interview goes fine?
>>82500367
i can't say that i wouldn't dislike having those myself right now. but i hope it doesn't kill you, i'd love to keep talking with you anon! i wish i could help but i dont know how. do you want to talk about something else? hmm, i pet a chicken yesterday. have you ever pet one?

>>82500438
I can understand that. You feel like talking about it in specifics or do you just want to kind of vent in general?

>>82500438
>oncr
Once? I always thought the collective hallucination of the Hat Man was an interesting phenomenon

>>82500488
>there a priest reading the bible to students
Nah, a couple of the church deacons put together some background information and historical context to a story from the Bible (parable of the lost sheep today) and a bunch of us get together to read it and talk about it. What it means to us, what the deeper implications are, etc...

>feel exhausted both mentally and physically.
Well I'm sorry. Anything you can do to relax or get some rest?

>you been waiting for long
Three weeks now, yeah. Apparently they forgot about me so I called them partway through this week and reminded them that I exist so someone is supposed to come around.

>need to pass more exams
Yep. Still need to pass the interview by the Merit Commission of my state and also pass a polygraph, but I ain't worried about the latter. I am a very good liar

>>82500540
>and a bunch of us get together to read it and talk about it
ah i see, it's somewhat similar to religious classes we have in school here. do you enjoy it?
>Anything you can do to relax or get some rest?
i really wish there was. the only solution i can come up with is to drink alcohol and pass out. but i'd rather not do that.
>Apparently they forgot about me
ah, that often happens with employers i feel like. really goes to show just how much they care...
>by the Merit Commission
that sounds scary
>polygraph
...they're not going to dispose of you if you lie to their questions, are they? either way, good luck!

>>82500776
>do you enjoy it?
I do. At least most of it. Sometimes the people get really long winded and talk in circles and I can feel myself getting pulled into the void.

>only solution i can come up with is to drink alcohol and pass out
... Books? Movies maybe? A nice walk?

>goes to show just how much they care...
No kidding. It's always a pain.

>sounds scary
It's the part I have most consistently failed in my interviews so far, so yeah a little bit. Bunch of old civilians that I have to dress up for and make the case of why I'd make a good officer.

>if you lie to their questions,
The polygraph measures physical responses to stress. You can fail one by being stressed out or pass one despite lying through your teeth. I'm good at the latter because despite a clean record I've done a couple shady things. Hoping to leverage that into knowing how to catch people.

>good luck!
Thank you. I will need it. Anything you could use some well wishing on?

>>82500882
>and I can feel myself getting pulled into the void
like, getting immersed in their stories?
>... Books? Movies maybe? A nice walk?
i've tried everything already anon. nothing really works. my brain always finds some way to slip through the distractions and ruin my day
>No kidding. It's always a pain
they should make some law that forces employers to read every single resume they get.
>that I have to dress up for and make the case of why I'd make a good officer
oh that does seem rather stressful. convincing old people also doesn't seem really easy. what kind of things have you been telling them?
>you could use some well wishing on?
my early departure from this plane of existence

>eating enough
No. I'm still craving so much food. I run a lot, but I'm eating way above my maintenance calories. FFS, I just ate an entire gallon tub of ice cream yesterday.

>>82501064
>getting immersed in their stories?
Quite the opposite. I feel like I am dying.

>brain always finds some way to slip through the distractions
There has to be something. What keeps you going?

>they should make some law that forces employers to read every single resume they get.
That might be an alright idea.

>what kind of things have you been telling them?
Well it's been different commissions because last time I almost passed this one I shattered my leg. But their questions on the other applications were about things like why you want to be an officer and why you care about this community and blah blah blah.

>early departure from this plane of existence
Oh come now. Something here makes you happy. How do you feel about ice cream?

>>82500251 (OP)
>how are you?
pic related, it is what it is
better than before but could still be better
how about you, anon?

>have you been eating enough?
more than enough, i feel
ate another half of my pizza from yesterday right now for lunch, now i got the rest of my apartment to clean up
i feel so lazy today though...

>i've been feeling so very brittle lately.
i'd give you a hug for that but you'd shatter, guess a pat on the back will have to do

>anything planned for the coming week?
not sure, i feel like i'm waiting for something to happen
i know nothing will but i dunno, something tells me it's time to wait right now, so i'll just chill
how about you?

>>82500251 (OP)
Good day my liege ,shall wish you a good day. I have been good today not much happening. I have eaten a banana and toast so quite good all in all. Brittle is an odd word to self describe, like sugar toffee. Hope you dont shatter be a shame and all. Nothing happening in the week really just gotta keep moving along. Hope you feel better soon.
>>82500508
I have always wondered about the hat man. Do people truly see him or is it just a collective joke? Is it specifc types of halluicnogenis increase chances of seeing him? Is there a way to optimize hat interactions.

>>82501098
where do you go for runs? you could be doing other exercises too to increase the amount of calories you need.
>entire gallon tub of ice
woah. i think i'd threw up if i did that...
>>82501133
>I feel like I am dying.
oh, sorry. why? is it just having to listen to them? do they say incredibly boring things?
>What keeps you going?
ignorant and faint hope burning in me that things will get better
>like why you want to be an officer and why you care about this community
ah i see, not too different from the average job interview questions i guess. i wonder how they even judge you. is there even a right answer to "why do you care about this community"? what a dumb exam to pass honestly.
>Something here makes you happy
i wouldn't say happy. not as of now. im kept here due to responsibilities. if there was a button that deleted my existence and all the memories others have of me with it then i'd press it without hesitating.
>How do you feel about ice cream?
i don't dislike it but im not a huge fan of sweet things so i rarely have it
>>82501194
>how about you, anon?
atrocious.
>ate another half of my pizza
pizza is nice. what toppings did it have? have fun with cleaning up... it's always a pain.
>guess a pat on the back will have to do
i fear that might be enough to shatter me too honestly.
>waiting for something to happen
something good i hope? i don't really have anything planned this week. it's going to be the first week of school so i just hope it goes well ig.
>>82501236
hi anon. banana in a toast or with a toast?
>Brittle is an odd word to self describe
i do like using uncommon words to express feelings and such. i like when others use unusual words too. hope you have a good week anon

>>82501347
banana on toast. banana sandwichs work but theyre a but of a rough day meal. not sure what the difference is but there certaintly is one.
>i do like using uncommon words
I do too.,dont use them frequently mind i dont speak enough to need any words really, but every now and then its funny to say something random sounding current favourite is gregariously makes me think of laddy lads called greg and the bakery.

>>82501347
>do they say incredibly boring things?
YES. It's awful. They talk in circles about things that are barely related to what's happening and it drives me INSANE.

>faint hope burning in me that things will get better
Well that hope burns for a reason. How would you define better? Is there a way to work toward what you hope for? Anything that can be done to stoke the fire as it were?

>what a dumb exam to pass honestly.
No kidding. I want to help people, I like fighting and shooting. Anything else I say is posturing for the interview and I feel like I'm wearing a damn skinsuit.

>kept here due to responsibilities.
I felt that way for a very long time. Didn't think it would ever end. It's not sunshine and rainbows these days, but it is a lot better. Hopefully you can get to the other side of it all.

>not a huge fan of sweet things
Hmm. Pizza? Chinese food?

>>82501347
>atrocious.
i'm sorry about that, anon
have a drink today, as i read once in a cafe...
>coffee to change what i can
>beer to accept what i can't change

>what toppings
half was this one with moz, tomato, and basil, the other half was some mix of things that i'm not too sure i remember, lol
but i remember shredded jerky, cream cheese, onion, olives, tomato, and some moz underneath it all
>it's always a pain.
especially when left by others, lol
but the good thing is that i won't have to clean again anytime soon

>that might be enough to shatter me too
a soft pat doesn't shatter anyone, don't worry
you'll be fine
>something good i hope?
i hope so too, but i'm already prepared for the worst, i think

>it's going to be the first week of school so i just hope it goes well ig.
aye, it'll be good to take your mind off of things, i suppose
dive in as much as you can

>>82501347
nta
>the first week of school
You meant college, right?

>>82501459
>banana on toast
well i can't say i've seen that before. do you put anything else in it or just the banana?
>current favourite is gregariously
that is a good word indeed. the serendipity of finding interesting new words from reading random books or things online is always welcome
>>82501460
>and it drives me INSANE
heheh, i see. i've always thought a stereotype of religious people is that they more often than not talk about the most pointless shit ever. and it need not be related to religion, but like, i dunno just everytime i've been to church there always is people talking about the most uninteresting things ever. maybe because they're old.
>How would you define better?
i dont really know. it would be better if i woke up in the morning with something other than death in my mind.
>a way to work toward what you hope for?
sadly my happiness depends on others a lot, so not really. there's not much i can work towards that would make me happy.
>and I feel like I'm wearing a damn skinsuit
yeah i get the same feeling whenever i have to say stuff in job interviews too. "why do you want to work here?" what do you think? i need money.
>Hopefully you can get to the other side of it all
thanks. but i cant imagine a future with me in it honestly.
>Pizza? Chinese food?
i do like pizza. one of the few things that i somewhat manage to enjoy still. chinese food... eh. i haven't had it many times but i guess it was okay. do you like it?
>>82501533
>have a drink today
maybe i will. but not coffee.
>mix of things
that's a load of stuff jeez. personally i don't like my pizzas loaded with stuff, im a simple guy
>i won't have to clean again anytime soon
unless those "others" dirty it again...
>i'm already prepared for the worst
that's good. i hope the worst doesn't happen though.
>>82501572
>You meant college, right?
im not an ameriburger so it isn't properly college but it's not middle school or whatever you're thinking of either.

>>82501609
>just the banana?
yeah its just a banana. i guess you could technically count the burnt toast crumbs as seperate but it is in all practice one piece of bread then a banana i tore into pieces. bit plain but make do with what you have.
>serendipity
now thats a eminent word amazing choice. it honestly always will be a shame the way everything seems to shorten and abreviate in modern ages, it would be so much more amusing if we all spoke like medieval poets.

>>82501609
>everytime i've been to church there always is people talking about the most uninteresting things ever
Well it does bother me because usually we do talk about interesting stuff but there are two really bad offenders at my church. One is this woman that's like 70 something and the other is this 50 something Mexican dude with a thick accent. They both talk in circles about nothing and it almost never really relates to the topic.

>it would be better if i woke up in the morning with something other than death
Well I would try to figure out a tangible goal. If you can figure out a concrete aspiration you can make some kind of move toward it

>happiness depends on others
Would making new friends help then?

>what do you think? i need money.
Honestly dude. Half the time I think about just saying "I have the experience, you need a worker. Can we please cut the bullshit?"

>do you like it?
Pizza and Chinese food are my fucking weakness

>>82501677
>bit plain but make do with what you have.
yea i've had worse makeshift meals anyways.
>it would be so much more amusing if we all spoke like medieval poets
honestly it would... i do love characters in games that speak like wizards and such, they sound funny. i dont particularly like where the modern slang is going either.
>>82501744
>They both talk in circles about nothing and it almost never really relates to the topic.
ah i see. i guess you can't even complain about them. by bad offenders you mean they're just boring or did bad things in the past too?
>I would try to figure out a tangible goal
it's what i've been trying to do my whole life anon. ever since i've been a kid i never had a dream or anything like that. when teachers in elementary school would ask me what my dream job was i remember answering with "retired". as of now the closest i got to having a tangible dream or goal is wanting to go look at a clear night sky somewhere.
>Would making new friends help then?
that always ends up in me getting hurt one way or another so i dont even know. i wish i could be happy alone
>Half the time I think about just saying
yeah same. i mean at this point interviews are mostly just a courtesy thing. you know, i only show up to show that im committed to getting the job and that should be enough of a reason for you.
>Pizza and Chinese food are my fucking weakness
hm i see! what kind of pizza do you like the most?

>>82502018
>yea i've had worse makeshift meals anyways.
Here ye, somedays you just cant be bothered to do anything. Just grab a block of cheese and bite a chunk off then go to bed again. probably my worst one ever.
>i dont particularly like where the modern slang is going either.
me neither. i suppose it doesnt matter really, i was never much a part of it originally, but modern slang seems to just make everything as fast and simple as possible. Mind its helpful sometimes but it seems like turning everything into talking to an ai almost in the amount of brevity and as little conversation as possible. Oh well i suppose i cant talk i speak rarely myself. Hope you have a good day huanon.
Probably oughta have replied straight off the bat an half hour ago but, it feels a bit odd to be the first reply multiple times, makes me feel a bit too terminally online and all.

>>82501609
>not coffee.
agreed, not my favorite drink either
try 100% grape juice, it's like wine with no alcohol, very very good

>personally i don't like my pizzas loaded with stuff
me neither, i didn't get to see what was included in this topping, i just chose it at random, lol

>unless those "others" dirty it again...
nah, i live alone now, through and through
it's just that the guy who used to live here left it a mess since he didn't have to clean and paint the place up, he transferred the lease to me and fucked off
no messes anytime soon, thankfully

>i hope the worst doesn't happen though.
yeah, we hope for the best and prepare for the worst
pleasant surprises are always welcome, not so much unpleasant ones...

>>82500367
i didnt die im disappointed

>>82502397
>grab a block of cheese and bite a chunk off
lole i did something similar to that once. i think my worst one though was a sandwich with nothing but mayo. and i did it multiple times.
>make everything as fast and simple as possible
yeah because zoomers are too stupid to have normal conversations i think.
>makes me feel a bit too terminally online
eh who cares really. evryone here is terminally online anyways. i am too sadly.
>>82502490
>try 100% grape juice
meh i just drank a beer instead! it sucks but whatever
>nah, i live alone now, through and through
how is it?
>left it a mess since he didn't have to clean
ah yeah that's common when people move out i guess.
>pleasant surprises are always welcome
except they never happen!
>>82502560
i think it's nice you didnt die anone

>>82502823
>i think my worst one though was a sandwich with nothing but mayo
oh that is a bit rough and all. i mean hey at leaast you didnt eat mayo out the jar with a spoon. that would take a godawful day i feel.
> zoomers are too stupid to have normal conversations
There is probably some truth in this. mind i am zoomer and I'd rather not sound like one of those "im not like other guys type", but theyre is definitely something weird with the slang these days due to social media causing too much globalisation and fast paced change.
>evryone here is terminally online anyways
I know and i wouldnt care if it were say a dm or something, but i feel like i might be judged if i reply instantly on 4chan feels a bit like i am stalking almost given no notifications or anything.

>>82502018
>bad offenders
They're the worst ones about being borning and stuff yeah.

>wanting to go look at a clear night sky somewhere.
That can be something. I think we've talked about Alaska before.

>getting hurt one way or another
Well relationships mean vulnerability unfortunately. But there are people out there who won't hurt you. It just may take a long time to find one.

>what kind of pizza do you like the most
Chicken and steak. Yes I'm weird.

>>82502823
>i think it's nice you didnt die anone
god will be forced to take me eventually every day im still here is just merciless bullying me for no reason

>>82500251 (OP)
I'm eating as usual, BMI 17, not great not terrible. I slept almost all day today. My plans for the week might include drinking again today or tomorrow. Also work, maybe going to the doctor just for a checkup, maybe going to the movies, maybe cleaning my room because I haven't cleaned it in over a year. I don't know.

my head is going woooooeoo

>>82502994
>at leaast you didnt eat mayo out the jar with a spoon
yeahhh that would've been awful honestly. hope i never stoop that low
>I think we've talked about Alaska before.
yeah i believe so. it would be a great place to visit!
>Well relationships mean vulnerability unfortunately
yeah i know it's a high risk high reward kind of thing but every single time i've risked ive always been stabbed in the back and it hurts more each time. im just tired
>Chicken and steak
are you sure you dont just like the meat anon?
>>82503069
im sorry you feel that way anon i know my words don't matter but im glad you're alive!!
>>82503139
>BMI 17
that's a bit low anone. im 18 myself though so i can't say anything. we should both eat more i think
>My plans for the week might include drinking again today or tomorrow
i drank tonight so we had the same plans for a while heheh. thought not during the week. what are you watching at the movies?

>>82503177
forgor to mention
>>82503177
>>I think we've talked about Alaska before.

>>82503177
>m sorry you feel that way anon i know my words don't matter but im glad you're alive!!
no they do, im just too far gone to feel anything im sorry

>>82503177
>we should both eat more i think
I think my reasons are genetic, I also have a very fast metabolism. So the only way I see I can gain weight is with muscle mass. But yeah, I think we should eat more, nonny.
>i drank tonight so we had the same plans for a while heheh. thought not during the week. what are you watching at the movies?
I've been drinking since Friday, so yes, we have similar plans. I want to go to demon slayer infinity castle.

>>82502994
forgot to answer this before also sorry
>but theyre is definitely something weird
oh yeah absolutely. i do say "im not like other guys" because i am not. hell if i get put together with the average zoomer i get offended. also social media si the devil
>i might be judged if i reply instantly on 4chan feels a bit like i am stalking
i mean yeah i get what you mean i also wait a bit before answering sometimes. i guess it feels awkward to instantly answer
>>82503279
>no they do, im just too far gone to feel anything im sorry
it's okay i get it words don't help much me aswell but i dunno i want all anons to be happyf
>>82503282
>I also have a very fast metabolism
oh i do too anon. i've always eaten like a truck when i was a kid and never got fat. in a way it's a blessing, but its also a curse because no matter how much i workout ill never be huge. i am lean though so i think i look quite nice anyways. just wish i could have slightly bigger forearms though.
>I've been drinking since Friday
oh i see. that's not too good. i drank some wine yesterday too mostly due to peer pressure though. the demon slayer movie looks cool i hope you enjoy it anon! maybe i will go watch it too. its the first time we get anime at the movies where i live

>>82503433
Show forearms

>>82503433
>i've always eaten like a truck when i was a kid and never got fat.
Just don't drink the petrol
>i am lean though so i think i look quite nice anyways
I think I look pretty cute, and I like it.
> i drank some wine yesterday too mostly due to peer pressure though
I drink mostly alone because none of my girlfriends are in town and my friends are at work.
>its the first time we get anime at the movies where i live
Same thing, although we may have had some before, but I haven't noticed.

>>82503468
no i dont like how thin they are
>>82503649
>Just don't drink the petrol
hmm the petrol? i washed my teeth with soap once
>I think I look pretty cute, and I like it
thats nice anon it's good to like themselves. i dont think im really ugly but i dont like my face most of the time
>>82503649
>I drink mostly alone because
uh huh we got mr popular guy here. i wasn't with friends it was with family. not even my family. oh well whatever i liked the wine.
>Same thing, although we may have had some before
is there shops that sell mangas and such too or are those rare?

>>82503801
>no i dont like how thin they are
I like thin forearms though... whatevs. Are you tall, nonner?

>>82503801
>uh huh we got mr popular guy here
It's just that most of them don't have a better friend than me, and many have no one at all besides me and, sometimes, family. But it's better for the girls not to know about each other :)
>is there shops that sell mangas and such too or are those rare?
There are probably about a dozen of them downtown, and a few in my neighborhood. There aren't very many specialized Japanese stores - mostly they just sell manga, figurines and other stuff in regular stores. I recently saw some tables on the street selling anime figurines.

>>82500251 (OP)
I'm 5 kilos overweight.

>>82503861
i like them too just not on myself desu also yes im 6ft
>>82503875
>It's just that most of them don't have a better friend than me
they gotta up their standards i think
>But it's better for the girls not to know about each other :)
that is really scummy of you honestly. i hate you
>There are probably about a dozen of them
that's a lot. we only got 2 and one of them is a comic book shop that sells other stuff too. one is cool and has figurines too. did you ever buy a figure or something like that? i have a konata figma it's very cute
>>82503877
well that's not too much you can lose it! unless you like being that way. then it's okay

>>82504014
>i like them too just not on myself
Lotsa stuff works like this for some reason. Human brain be weird.

>6ft
Oooh, perfect height for hugging. This information will enhance my daydreams, thanks anonny

>>82504014
>they gotta up their standards i think
More often I'm told that I need to raise my standards. I think if they had better options they wouldn't be my friends. But people better than me aren't interested in a bunch of people with depression, BPD, Schizoid, etc.
>that is really scummy of you honestly. i hate you
If I had the chance I would tell them, but I feel pity for them, it would hurt them too much especially since one of them has no one left but me, not even family. And I wouldn't want to lose any of them.

>>82504014
>did you ever buy a figure or something like that?
Oshi no ko manga, Classroom of the elite light novel, but haven't picked up any anime figures yet, want to get myself a Rika maybe from Higurashi no Naku Koro ni, or Roxy Migurdia, not sure, or Megumin, I don't know

>>82500251 (OP)
hi hutao non i am veryt ired today,. not sleeping enough, but i am eating well. mentally i am all over the placve like ususal, theres no stability for a fuckup liek me.
heres a cudle shark for you.

>>82500776
this pic goes hard even as a sample. you could tell the artist is a girl because of the hands and hand jewelry being quite detailed. almost makes me want to drop my deadend career and get back to drawing again, as if it'd get me relaxation or sustainable income

>>82504099
>Lotsa stuff works like this for some reason
yeahh it's not the only thing that i don't like about myself but that i like on others. i think im just more lenient with other people in general im a lot harshesr on myself
>Oooh, perfect height for hugging
yes indeed! more people should take notes on that and hug me more. you are welcome also!
>>82504162
>More often I'm told that I need to raise my standards
funny, i am too despite considering myself one of the lowest. eh who cares. do whatever yo uwant and befriend who you want
>aren't interested in a bunch of people with depression, BPD, Schizoid, etc
most of the time knowing this doesnt bother me but sometimes i get this feeling that im "missing out" on better experiences or whatever
>but I feel pity for them
if you really cared about them you'd tell them the truth and let them get over it. manipulating people like that is bad
>>82504287
hello anon i hope you can feel less tired soon. i am also feelign tired and very numbed out at the moment which is not something i dislike. perhaps i should stop drinking.
>mentally i am all over the place
me too anon me too it's fine thanks for the shark also
>>82504332
i agree it's a really nice artstyle! one of my favourite artists. i hope you can get to drawing again soon anon, it's one of the best things one can do ever i think! whats your current career?

>>82500776
>>82504332
guessed it.

anyhow, it's inevitable I'll have to tackle both drawing and my trash career. if only I knew what I was getting myself into 10 years ago...

>>82504378
>i am also feelign tired and very numbed out at the moment which is not something i dislike. perhaps i should stop drinking.
perhaps u should anon, abstinence is a really good things sometimes. i also need to abstain from a lot of things, like gaming, 4chan, and phone usage. and today i need to stop procrastinating and doing homework so my stress goes away. god i hate my brain it's scared of doing homework but then when the deadline comes closer and i havent done anything i get way more stressed out than if i just did the homework lol. silly.

>>82504385
i want to draw too anon, wish i had the discipline and i wasnt so scared of failure. honestly if i drew for 10 minutes a day id probably be really good at art by now
i wonder if you have any old art to show us?

>>82504378
oh yeah btw whens the last time you got a hug hutaoanon?

>>82504378
>i think im just more lenient with other people in general im a lot harshesr on myself
I think that's the case for a lot of people, we tend to be our own harshest judges

>you are welcome also!
Good to hear because I've been hugging you all day long Anon! In my dreams of course, but still.

>>82500251 (OP)
>have you got anything planned for the coming week?
My birthday lunch with the family

>>82502823
>i just drank a beer instead
terrible, my condolences
drink something actually tasty next time, anon
life's bitter enough, you don't need that in your drinks too

>how is it?
so-so, has its pros and cons
i miss being able to talk to someone else after i get back from work or being able to ask someone to do something for me at home
but i definitely don't miss worrying about anyone messing with my stuff or making noise when it's late or whatever

>that's common when people move out i guess.
unfortunately
cleaning up after yourself is called "being a decent fucking person"
i mean i can't complain too much cause the guy did me a big favor transferring the lease to me, this place is really really good for its price
but i sure won't miss the mess he used to leave behind when he still lived here, lol

>except they never happen!
they do, it's mostly us who refuse to acknowledge them
bit of good in evil, bit of evil in good

>>82500251 (OP)
>hi anon
Hai, anon! I might be late to the party, but how are you fairing?
>how are you?
Good! On pharma-grade amphetamine and sipping yummy lingonberry juice. Enjoying the night; listening to music and talking to anons.
>have you been eating enough?
I was awake for 48 hours from 2 days ago 'till yesterday because I did too much meth (miscalculated my tolerance vs dosage) and didn't eat at all yesterday, but had a good meal today; also munching on dried sugared mango slices so I'm well-fed now, thenkfully.
>i've been feeling so very brittle lately
What do you mean by brittle? Are you eating enough and getting good exercise? Or do you mean on a mental level? Maybe try doing an activity you enjoy and chill with some music/favorite tv show or talk with someone you love? To get your mind off intrusive thoughts and ground yourself and such. I wish I could help more, truely.
>have you got anything planned for the coming week?
Gonna visit my gf since she returned from her surgery abroad and gonna shower her with love and care (and also help her with household chores cuz she's not fully healed yet and requires help as she is bedridden, mostly) so I'm excited about that.

>>82500290
NTA.
>Lick the hairiest part of my asshole, cunt.
lol, you've got a mouth on you, anon.

>>82504378
>most of the time knowing this doesnt bother me but sometimes i get this feeling that im "missing out" on better experiences or whatever
Same thing - I really miss the parties, raves and such. Although I myself am very quiet and don't like noisy events, but sometimes I want something like that. My friends and gfs are like me too.
But they all like how quiet and calm I've become over the last year, so I guess I'll stay that way to please everyone. And I'm comfortable with that, I guess.

>>82504385
cute people that draw cute taos its awesome
>if only I knew what I was getting myself into 10 years ago...
you can do it anon! i believe in you! im sure you will draw very beautiful things! but if you do i'd like to see them too
>>82504444
very nice quads checked
>god i hate my brain it's scared of doing homework
why do you think it's scared? also yeah. abstinence from those things is good. naturemaxxing is the way anone. i hope you can finish your homework
>>82504452
that would be, in april of this year i think. unless we count family.
>>82504462
>our own harshest judges
yeah! and enemies. we need to beat ourselves before we beat all the evil things outside
>because I've been hugging you all day long
heheheh you're going to make me blush anon!
>>82504475
have a good birthday! are you going to a restaurant?
>>82504537
>drink something actually tasty
i dont deserve flavor
>talk to someone else after i get back from work
thats honestly my biggest setback. i dont want to come back home from work to an empty house. its suicide fuel. but i would love to have some more privacy and quiet too
>"being a decent fucking person"
very rare type of person nowdays. is the place big?
>>82504566
>how are you fairing?
awful! like. right now im fine because im tipsy. but i know i was feeling awful before now.
>sipping yummy lingonberry juice
im glad to hear! i wanna try to juice too. the night is so nice also!
>had a good meal today
thats niceu what did you have to eat? i made a carbonara today. was really good! also dont die of meth overdose please. i would be sad
>mean on a mental level?
both physically and mentally. i do workout but i dunno. i think im so mentally exhausted that its starting to affect my body too
>talk with someone you love
i cant they dont like me bacl
>wish I could help more
it's okay anon i appreciate you worrying about me. that's enough!
>>82504587
i dont really like loud places or whatever but i'd like to experience a party at least once in my life

>>82504698
>why do you think it's scared?
i have a lot of trauma relating to homework, thanks parents for impairing my brain so badly

>>82504698
>are you going to a restaurant?
We're going for drinks first while, then getting pizza

>>82504698
>i dont really like loud places or whatever but i'd like to experience a party at least once in my life
Last time we were at a party I mixed alcohol and drugs and vomited. But otherwise it was fun, I wish I had more of that in my life (parties, not mixing alcohol and drugs and vomiting).

>>82504698
>we need to beat ourselves before we beat all the evil things outside
That'd be like beating the boss of the game before all his minions, lol. But for some reason beating all the external enemies never really helps you until you beat yourself, so you're right.

>heheheh you're going to make me blush anon!
You've been way too nice to me anonny, my touch-starved brain can't help but want to hug you all day long now. At this rate I might develop a crush...

NTA but
>i cant they dont like me bacl
Who do you like and what are they like? I want to know! Unless it's painful for you to think about, in that case pls ignore this

>>82504709
>i have a lot of trauma relating to homework
oh i know what you mean. it wasn't my parents for me but my brother. he would always scream at me whenever i got things wrong. sorry you had to go through all that anon
>>82504725
that's niceu. i hope you have a good pizza day!
>>82504747
>Last time we were at a party I mixed alcohol and drugs and vomited
you dum dum. what are you doing on this website anyways. you seem like a normie for the most part
>>82504786
>That'd be like beating the boss of the game
wellll i like souls games and im pretty good a them so i can beat the final boss naked if i wanted! maybe.
>At this rate I might develop a crush...
nooo im a terrible person anon don't do that i dont want to hurt you when i inevitably go crazy and do stupid shit. or you can do that i dunno. i can't control you really. you're free!
>Unless it's painful for you to think about
it is painful! very. it's like someone is cutting me from the inside out everytime i think about it. its the reason why ive been feeling so fucking bad these last few weeks. and drinking more than usual. i want to stop thinking aobut it completely but its so damn hard. just kill me.

>>82504853
>i can beat the final boss naked if i wanted!
I hope so! I don't think I can beat the boss naked, I need some armor and party members to help... Doing anything on your own is so unreasonably hard, it sucks.

>im a terrible person anon
>i inevitably go crazy
Hey now, don't encourage me to fall in love with you! I know savior complex isn't healthy, but I can't help it...
Also, I don't feel like things like that would hurt me anyways. I am too mentally ill to know what's good for me.

>i can't control you really.
Yeah welllll I kinda can't control myself very well either haha... oh well I'm sure it'll be fine as long as I don't read these threads too much

>it is painful! very. it's like someone is cutting me from the inside out everytime i think about it.
Ouch, I'm sorry to hear that Anon. The way you describe it, it even hurts for me to read. I didn't realize that's what's been making you feel so bad lately... I hope the feeling lessens eventually, the intensity can't last forever. Time does usually heal things like this, even if it leaves a scar behind.

>>82504853
>what are you doing on this website anyways. you seem like a normie for the most part
There are many things I can't say or discuss with those who know me. But anonymously like here you can, and that's great. And people here are more interesting than in life, there are cuties like you, there are angry niggers, there are political radicals, etc. You can always tell someone to kill themselves and that's fine. I can be myself here.

>>82505027
>Doing anything on your own is so unreasonably hard, it sucks.
yeah, you have a point! i dont say no to nice party members either. i'ts always nice to be helped. it's nice to learn how to deal with things alone too though
>I know savior complex isn't healthy, but I can't help it...
heheh that's funny because i think i have some kind of saviour complex too. i don't think it's unhealthy. i think. at the end of the day you're still helping someone feel better i guess? maybe im just trying to find excuses to justify it i dont know!
>I don't feel like things like that would hurt me anyways
even if they didnt hurt you, they would hurt me. i'd feel awful for doing the things i'd do and it will inevitably end up in me sabotaging the relationship. i wish i wasn't this way. i hate myself so much for being thsi way. it's probably the reason why i'll never be able to have friends or even love. im not meant to
>I'm sure it'll be fine as long as I don't read these threads too much
aw but then im going to feel alone! it's okay i get it. i really can't help but reading things i shouldn't be reading either. i know they hurt but i do it anyway. im stupid
>Time does usually heal things like this
time doesn't heal anon, it teaches you to live with the pain. i don't know if this time it will be the case. it's been a while and yet it still hurts like hell. it doesn't help that im the way i am and feel everything tenfold. i dont know. i just want to be fine really. i just wan t to be fine
>>82505030
>I can be myself here.
that's fair. i like it here because there's people like me. sadly not as many as i'd wish but its good enough. i dont really have any other place where i can vent or talk about things with likeminded people, and it's true that people here are more interesting than the average normie. also don't call me a cutie. you're disgusting

>>82505152
>also don't call me a cutie. you're disgusting
don't be such a meanie, nonny, I was trying to give you a compliment.
We like you

>>82500290
>Lick the hairiest part of my asshole, cunt.
jokes on you im into that shit get your pants down boy

>>82504698
>i dont deserve flavor
who cares about deserving? seize what you can get, deserving or otherwise
drink something sweet, my dude

>i dont want to come back home from work to an empty house. its suicide fuel.
it hasn't been affecting me too much, to be fair with you
my dreams and the voices in my head keep me company, and i'm confident there are others on the other side who look out for me
i'm never truly alone, even if i seem to be
but later on i'll put more effort into getting a partner, then i feel like life will be more fulfilling, or so i hope

>very rare type of person nowdays.
kek, depressingly true
>is the place big?
not huge, but big yes
3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a small kitchen, living room, small service area (for hanging and washing clothes at), and a "maid room" which i use as a shed of sorts
i rented the place because it's very close to work and very cheap for its size
my plans include never moving again if i can help it, lol

>>82505152
>it's nice to learn how to deal with things alone too though
Yeah, and usually that's what I prefer because dealing with other people is really hard for me. But for some things it feels like they are impossible to do without other people's help

>i think i have some kind of saviour complex too.
Haha, that's not surprising given you make these threads. You are probably helping a lot of Anons feel better. I envy how altruistic you are, I'm much more selfish with my energy & could only ever really focus on one person and even then I don't know how long I could flounder around for until I start to drown with them. But the desire to save them is still there.

>i don't think it's unhealthy
Yeah, that's just what people say but I really wonder. It seems a lot better than the normal kind of relationship so-called "healthy" people have...

>they would hurt me.
Dang, I relate to that a lot, can't even argue with it. Whenever people ask me what consequences I'm afraid of or whatever I'm like "I'm just afraid of feeling awful". Again a case of being our own worst enemies I guess, external circumstances just aren't nearly as tough to deal with as your own stuff.

>it's probably the reason why i'll never be able to have friends or even love. im not meant to
Well, you can hope that you'll never have friends or love, but unfortunately you might still stumble into it one day. So better not write off the possibility just yet!

>aw but then im going to feel alone!
Anon you can tell when I'm reading your threads? :O I thought I wasn't reading out loud!

>reading things i shouldn't be reading
Do you stalk social media? Bad habit anonny, bad habit...

>teaches you to live with the pain
That's... accurate, yeah... but when you say a while, how long is that? For me it takes like a couple years usually to move on from things like that, but I usually don't hurt much and experience it as emptiness and deadness. Since it's more intense for you, maybe it won't take as long?

>>82500251 (OP)
I'm still with the flu and I haven't eat much, I don't have anything planned for next week particularly, but maybe I'll feel like doing something

>>82505235
whateverrrr okay
>>82505295
>drink something sweet
it was mostly a joke response but i did drink a sweet wine yesterday and it tasted nice
>the voices in my head keep me company
i hope they can be good ones. if im left with mine alone for too long it becomes difficult not to stick something sharp in my neck.
>i'm never truly alone
do you believe in ghosts?
>3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a small kitchen
that IS huge! is it a house or an apartment? honestly i'd be happy with just having a few rooms and not a mansion or whatever. less stuff to clean
>>82505387
>it feels like they are impossible to do
i know. but the key word here is "feel". they are not impossible, it just feels that way. you need to throw yourself into situations that you might think are impossible to deal alone, thats the only way to learn how to survive them on your own. i guess
>probably helping a lot of Anons
i hope so! it makes me happy to know i help others. it makes me feel like im not entirely worthless
>I'm much more selfish with my energy
mhm thats okay anon, it's not selfish to focus on yourself more, especially when you dont feel at 100%. i choose to be the way i am knowing that it is detrimental to me. i know no one would blame me (except myself) if i focused on myself more but i see no point in doing so
>desire to save them is still there
that's what counts!
>a lot better than the normal kind
heheh i know right! i wouldn't mind an obsessive relationship or something like that. i think it might just be what i need actually.

>>82505566
cont.
>I'm afraid of or whatever I'm like "I'm just afraid of feeling awful"
yeah. i know what you mean. it's hard to explain too. i wish more people could understand. sometimes i feel like no one can get me. but it's nice to know at least you do anon!
>as tough to deal with as your own stuff
we are more often frightened than hurt, and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.
>you can tell when I'm reading your threads?
...of course! i get this feeling that you are. yknow. sometimes.
>you stalk social media?
no, i try my best to not use social media at all. i meant reading old chats and such.
>how long is that?
uh, a month or so, but another really bad thing related to this happened something like a week ago and that worsened everything and made me go into an awful episode. so like a week or so if we count that.
>maybe it won't take as long?
i hope so. i dont know how much longer i can last feeling this way. it's making me want to stick sharp things everywhere on my body. especially my neck.
>>82505400
i hope the flu passes soon anon! and that your week goes well. do tell if you decide on doing something!

im feeling really sleepy and my head's about to explode so i'll go to bed now anons. thanks for talking with me! heres a song for u
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O1dQ3Nh8As

>>82504698
>right now im fine because im tipsy but i know i was feeling awful before now
Alcohol is a low tier drug but is legal and effective enough, I suppose. Have fun! Some escapism is not a bad thing at all.
>i wanna try to juice too
Go for it! My juice is caffeinated and I'm practically addicted to it and is so yummy. What kinda juice do you like to drink?
>the night is so nice also!
Sounds comfy. It would be best in a place with low light-pollution, so you could see more stars.
>what did you have to eat?
My usual bacon-topped pizza from my favorite pizza place. It was extra good after a day's fast.
>i made a carbonara today. was really good!
From scratch? Sounds delicious! I like making pasta myself, but I'm not always good at it.
>dont die of meth overdose please
I have rules for max dose per session (considering my bodyweight) and taking harm-reduction messures to ensure a safe experience. I just over-estimated my tolerance level to be higher than it was, even though I took a longer break than usual this time before doing meth again.
>both physically and mentally
Damn, double trouble. Sounds rough.
>i do workout
That's proven to be good for a happy mind, and good in general. I remember a cheery looking propaganda poster at my old base saying "working-out takes the bad thoughts away" like they already figured we had bad thoughts to begin with.
>i think im so mentally exhausted that its starting to affect my body
It is possible as the two are connected. A bad mindset can definitly correlate to a bad physical state and vice-versa. Keep working-out as it really does release chemicals that contribute to a happier mind and strengthen your body as well so to not be as brittle.
>i cant they dont like me back
I don't mean a crush, but a friend (irl or virtual) or a family member. It can help to just shoot the shit with someone, doesn't have to be a heart to heart convo.
>i appreciate you worrying about me. that's enough!
I guess it's the best I *can* do, anyway.

>>82505566
>you need to throw yourself into situations that you might think are impossible to deal alone
I do think that would help with a lot of situation but I think some things really are impossible... for an example, you can't be friends without there being another person involved, right? Well, unless you count imaginary friends...

>i hope so!
I can say they definitely helped me over the past month or two. I was feeling too bad to do anything but just having the thread open in the background while I listen to music provided me with some comfort.

>it makes me feel like im not entirely worthless
It's too bad that this is the main motivation for it though... but I suppose it's a lot better than many other things you could be doing when feeling worthless! Just don't overdo it and push yourself too hard, okay?

>no one would blame me (except myself)
It's this for me... I know it's okay to focus on yourself, but I can't help but feel guilty when I do it.

>obsessive relationship
Yeah! Somehow it feels like it's a more wholesome & pure love than what you get with a "normal" relationship. Maybe I just don't know what real love feels like, though...
And yeah, I feel like a relationship like this would fix something in me...

>sometimes i feel like no one can get me.
I wish there was some device you could connect two brains with & beam an emotion you're feeling with all the associated imagery, thoughts, and sounds to someone else with it. It really feels like anything less than that wouldn't be enough for others to understand me sometimes...

>at least you do anon!
Thanks for saying this Anon! I hope I actually understand a part of you.

>we suffer more from imagination than from reality.
Profoundly true...

>...of course!
Mm...? Do you actually?

Cont.

>>82505587
>>82505932
>not use social media
Ah, right, I see. Though... IMO, 4chan is social media *runs away*

>a month or so
That must feel like a tortuously long time with how intense the feelings have been, but yeahhhh... sadly you need to give it more time than that, I would say.

>how much longer i can last feeling this way
I hope until you're all better! I would die inside if you stuck something sharp in your neck, so I selfishly hope you don't, Anon.

>song
I like the vocals and how dreamy it feels. Seems like something good to listen to while sitting outside, hiding in a shady spot at night, and watching people in the light laughing & having fun.

Hope you sleep well, Taonon. Good luck with school stuff!

>>82505566
>i hope they can be good ones.
half the time, they are
the other half, it's just nightmares that by now, i'm all too used to
>if im left with mine alone for too long it becomes difficult not to stick something sharp in my neck.
yeah i get that too, that's why i come to this site
loneliness always will be my worst nightmare

>do you believe in ghosts?
kinda difficult not to, what with my dreams and other bizarre occurrences

>that IS huge!
nah man, not even a backyard so not huge, just big
>house or an apartment?
apartment, but the condo takes the whole block
granted, the block is relatively small, maybe some 100m^2 or so
>honestly i'd be happy with just having a few rooms and not a mansion or whatever. less stuff to clean
agreed, most of the reason i came here was thinking that i'd start a family sometime soon, so there'd be room for me, a gf/wife, a kid, and maybe even guests
i'm able to afford it on my own too so maybe that won't be so long after all... one can only hope

im scared to death of people but i have a need to show that i still exist to people i know or i might as well be dead. i will be forgotten and dead while alive.
i need to upkeep my existence in other peoples minds. or im already dead while alive and worthless to everyone. its because im ugly they want me to die yet life forces me to live alone because death is scary to me.
people committing suicide deserve so much respect i could never.
im always so jealous i wish i was killed i wish it wasnt my choice to make.
dont want to choose to die and dont want to live. my breath is disgusting its so annoying to have to do it constantly.