Thread 82545674

woke up today and my first thought was about suicide. couldnt even get outta bed for an hour today. usually i only lay in bed for 15-30 minutes so i can shower

had a reoccuring nightmare again, another ghost train dream

anyways, blogpost done. anons who listen to incelcore, whos your favourites? preripped, popkill and dethtech are mine lately

>>82545674 (OP)
You gotta shower before you go to sleep instead of when u wake up, stinky

(don't take this seriously, I just need an excuse to post the ame pic I love the pic)

>>82545674 (OP)
you again...
wait, what's that about a ghost train dream?

>incelcore
i don't think i listen to that stuff
lately just been listening to a bunch of synthwave but i don't think i have favorites yet

>>82545674 (OP)
just be an emo teenage girl
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0g3lEcxE05g

>>82545674 (OP)
Incelcore? Never heard of it. Post your fav playlist

>>82545696
its a pretty funny pic so i understand

but seriously showering when i wake up is so good because it makes me feel more awake and i get to smell nice for the whole day

>>82545705
mhm, ghost train dream. trains with no people or drivers, just me (sometimes)

todays was different because the train platform was full of fleshy, pulsating organs, and the train itself had blood everywhere. but i think thats because i was thinking about saya no uta all day

synthwave is pretty cool!! if you dont have favourites, do you have any standout songs you like?

>>82545708
i like emo music but not enough to really wanna be emo. im also barely even a teenager anymore... in like 3 months i turn 20

>>82545719
i dont make playlists but i could post a few songs i like

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=juFA4Az2b7Y&si=8wUf1jZEKyUgpqfw

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=oCWoLX3PKkY&si=uRSHcs2EsnK9kWPG

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Aqhepk3TxJ4&si=wti5HnSM8nYHr8-g

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=caCmFHiqRcE&si=lZ4AjipI7QWL8s5X

>>82545783
>trains with no people or drivers, just me (sometimes)
sounds nice, like having a limo
you remember where you were going to?
>i was thinking about saya no uta all day
aye, our memories bleed to our dreams, much the same as they bleed into our reality
that kind of scenario reminds me of atropus worlds in starbound when i used to play with frackin' universe
they used to give you an insanity debuff, deplete your hunger faster, and you'd get messages from a voice telling you to eat raw meat

>any standout songs you like?
"time" by voyage, "last horizon" by krosia, "city lights" by FM attack (although i'm not sure if that one would count as it's a bit more hyper than usual)
listening to synthwave makes me want to play satisfactory, but i'm out of home until monday
spending some time with family until then

i like dethtech gez c9k and anhero loser64 is good too hes newer

>>82545859
its not nice in the dream, cause they always feel very unsettling, even if nothing happens. even if the trains are above ground and its sunny outside and theres other people, the train dreams always feel off.
not sure, i just board. usually i wake up before the destination and i never have any sense of where its going. i did make it to the destination once and it was just the field next to my first highschool.

that looks like such a comfy game despite those mechanics lmao. literally space terarria

first 2 sound very familiar or more standard, i like the last one the best because it sounds like a synthwave version of the backing to a molchat doma song. its cool. do they play synthwave as the bgm in satisfactory?
its good to spend time with family, cherish it

>>82545871
nice taste. i havent listened to much of c9k and loser64 but the stuff ive heard so far was pretty good

Instead of thinking about suicide you should think about big butts.

Hi, Ame!!!
Sorry to hear about your nightmare and bad morning. I'm not too sure what else to say at the moment, but I wanted to say hi!!

>>82546016
hi karen-anon!!
im doing a bit better now. hows your day been?

>>82545996
ive always thought comically large portions like this were gross, and they remind me of furries

>>82545965
>they always feel very unsettling
that kind of tension, i get it
>even if the trains are above ground
you dream of ghost subways as well?

>not sure, i just board.
do you tend to board trains without knowing where you're going?
>i did make it to the destination once and it was just the field next to my first highschool.
interesting, what do you suppose drew you there? a memory, maybe? someone else?

>literally space terarria
i so wish it was like that
the premise is the same yeah but there's so much lost potential there
frackin' universe kind of fills that void, with a bunch of new worlds, exploration, gear, missions, etc.
making me want to do another playthrough, but i wonder...

>backing to a molchat doma song.
don't think i ever heard that one, i gotta look it up
>do they play synthwave as the bgm in satisfactory?
nah, they do in katana zero which i played again recently but no, not satisfactory
i just have memories of it because it's a chill game and there's an area with a bunch of pale palm trees in a beach and that "feels like" a synthwave area
i tend to associate songs and rhythms with just about anything, from people to environments, things, speeches, etc.
this is one instance of it happening

>>82546055
That's good to hear. Mine's a little rough, just a lot of pain today for whatever reason. My gf is busy taking care of her bearded dragon's enclosure today, so I have nothing to do anyway, so maybe it'll just be a day of rest while she's busy.
Do you plan on anything in particular today?

>>82546067
sometimes, but usually its just normal trains. and sometimes the normal trains will enter dark tunnels, so it kinda feels like a subway

definitely not, if i get on a train in the real world, i will always have a clear destination that i need to get to. plus i know all the train lines by heart here.
not sure. could be that i think about how i didnt graduate a lot, but i went to several highschools, so im not sure why that one specifically

thats unfortunate. it looked like such a cool game. thank god for modders, theyre usually able to make a boring game more fun.
do it, no harm in doing another playthrough

its a band, a goth one. i think theyre darkwave or something like that. but the backing sounded so similar.
oh yeah, palm trees always make me think of synth stuff as well, so the connection makes sense

>>82546103
BEAREDED DRAGONS??? oh my god your gf is so cool. theyre hard to take care of but theyre sooo cute. their waddles and the way they get angry is so adorable.
definitely get lots of rest if youre in more pain than usual!! do you get any painkillers for your pain, do they even work?

im just gonna do the usual, watch youtube, go on r9k, and play tlou factions

>>82546211
>usually its just normal trains.
huh, i see
i rarely dream about trains or subways, or any kind of public transport in general despite relying on them so much before
but in dreams, they do give off the transport vibes as they should, like something telling you that you're on your way to something bad or good, that something will be arriving to you (or you to them), etc.
since your dreamscape is eerie, maybe it's a bad sign

>i know all the train lines by heart here.
that's pretty cool
are they extensive or simpler?

>i think about how i didnt graduate a lot
ah yeah, that makes sense
maybe you're thinking that you want to arrive there, go to high school and get your diploma
on that note i encourage you to study for some exam that'll give you the equivalent, like a ged or something

>it looked like such a cool game
it is
>thank god for modders
FU's lead dev was pretty much an ass, but the shit he stole did make the game more interesting yeah
>no harm
i already started a satisfactory playthrough, i just am unable to play it right now because i'm on my laptop which is quite... weak

>darkwave
never heard of that genre before, but may be cool
i always liked more atmospheric shit so synthwave always appealed to me, lots of that around there
>the connection makes sense
it doesn't always, lol
for instance, there's this one artist and whenever i'm listening to some of his songs, i think about this one colleague i made from this board last year
i remember telling her this album cover from this artist's album reminded me of her for some reason and since then, connection was established

>>82546293
what do you usually dream about? at least your dreamscape has normal public transport... (when its there)
its always eerie cause i usually have nightmares anyways. i sometimes get to dream about love or something simple but its super rare

theyre very simple so its easier to remember. wish it were more extensive cause theres so many spots thatre inaccessible by anything except car here

we dont have a ged program here, i basically have to go back to highschool but im pretty scared to do that

oh yeah, i think i encouraged the satisfactory playthrough as well... theres always after that tho! laptops are usually weak unless theyre super expensive gaming ones. but those arent even worth the money

its pretty cool, worth listening to it and giving it a try. the only band i know is molchat doma tho cause otherwise id give more recommendations. theyre really good tho imo.
did the album cover have anything specific related to her, like a colour she liked or something? or the songs mentioned somethingthat reminded you of her? ig that one could be a little more unusual but theres probably a reason your brain made such a connection

>>82546502
>what do you usually dream about?
it's... all over the place
jumbled past memories, alternate realities, fantasies, ordinary stuff, sometimes i have future sights as well
>i usually have nightmares anyways.
i used to get lots of nightmares as well when my headspace was a lot more troubled
i've grown to really hate nightmares and started to embody them, sometimes i'd dream of death reapers chasing me down so i started to become one myself and hunt down other nightmares
other times i'd embody some villain or character and obliterate everything, or slice nightmares in half with the crucible blade, or beat them up with my bare hands
eventually i killed so many of them that i rarely ever have nightmares anymore, and they're usually events rather than an entity wanting to harm me or something
maybe it's time for you to get angry as well

>i sometimes get to dream about love
that tends to leave me feeling hollow, for obvious reasons

>very simple
interesting, i used to live in a city where that was relatively simple too
>so many spots thatre inaccessible by anything except car
yikes... well if people have no reason to, no demand, they won't expand the lines

>we dont have a ged program here
really? bullshit
go while there's still time then, if you wait until you're older you'll have a much harder time

>i think i encouraged the satisfactory playthrough as well...
my goldfish memory does not remember
>theres always after that
true, maybe... we'll see
pretty boring to play on my own though, i'll probably skip it

>worth listening to it
i'll have a look tomorrow then, if i remember
it's late already...
but thanks for the rec, really
>did the album cover have anything specific related to her
well, she seems pretty tomboyish, and the picture kinda reminds me of one
and the cigarette too, for reasons i shall not disclose, lol
>theres probably a reason your brain made such a connection
yeah, but no good ones, lol
pic related

>>82546660
that sounds, nicer. when you say future sights, is it fantasies of what a future would look like, or something else?
that sounds kinda like lucid dreaming, and it sounds cool as fuck to be able to slice up your nightmares like that. i wish i could do that. but usually my nightmares need to play out until i manage to wake up.
they leave me hollow, too. i hate dreaming about love almost as much as the nightmares cause ill be depressed the entire day.
unless its a dream about love where im not me. i actually rarely appear in my own dreams, im usually a man. if freud was alive he would say this is penis envy and im actually a transgender or some bullshit lmao. the train dreams have been the only ones where im consistently present in them (ok im rambling now)

there is demand for it, just lazy state officials or whatever. too much money for little reward or something

i probably should, ive been advised to by other anons, but it scares me

could probably go through archives to find it but im pretty sure i did.
oh, its multiplayer? most games like that would probably be more fun with others. i think its only on pc, otherwise id offer to maybe play together

the album cover is super cute, i love it. she does look a bit tomboyish, and she reminds me of aubrey from omori.
shes a smoker? like me (when i was a teen and the under 2 weeks i smoked and mentioned it in these threads lmao)
if youre still awake and going to bed now, goodnight anon! sleep well!

incelcore still a thing? Seemed like after Incel woodstock, infighting, and pretty much every major artist quitting it was joever. I have been listening to Sodaboy lately. Shit is still good. I watched Incel Woodstock livestream. Best night of my life probably. Haven't listened a whole lot since

>>82546914
its pretty alive recently! lots of people still do shows, like tzarbombah and cameron phlodge and a few others, they have steakfest now

and then theres the e-cel podcast that a few of them do. and uhohslater just returned to the scene

i think most of the old negative xp group is gone tho unfortunately

>>82546890
>fantasies of what a future would look like, or something else?
i mean i dream of the future
i see moments of my future happen in dreams and don't realize it until they actually happen, then i remember and have this massive deja vu
the last time it happened for long enough for me to know what was going to happen before it happened
>lucid dreaming
half so, i just let my emotions take over and i hate being scared so my temper takes over
there were a few times i consciously fucked up nightmares like that but i woke up shortly after, most of the time i just... exploded
>usually my nightmares need to play out until i manage to wake up.
or do they?
if there's any shred of conscience in you, try to picture a way to escape, a door somewhere or someone yoinking you out of there
in dreams, thought becomes reality
nowadays i often dream of growing several telekinetic arms and grabbing at things and people, fucklots of them, and rip them apart and hold them down while doing so
it's especially nice for killing fast moving fuckers who think of outmaneuvering me, a few months back i killed a kitsune who tried poisoning me after pretending to be a nice lady

>ill be depressed the entire day.
yeah, same... but i don't hate the dreams
what with me having future sights, i cope with hoping those might be some of them
>penis envy
kek'd
is there any truth to that though?

>too much money for little reward or something
exactly what i meant, not enough demand

>it scares me
yeah i get it, you said it before about age ranges or something
the longer you wait, the worse it gets, so better get it over with already

>its multiplayer?
starbound? yeah, invite based or dedicated servers
but it's fine, don't worry

>aubrey
how depressing... but true
>inb4 why depressing?
long story

>shes a smoker?
no, she just uses smoking emojis
i can't stand smokers...

p.s. on a completely unrelated note, kaguyanon was considering telling you to simply take it easy
maybe you should

>>82547008
>podcast
Seriously? Who would evern be doing a podcast? A lot of artists quit or were just grifters. Gez makes good music but turned out to be either the ugliest girl alive or trans. Pacific Purgatory had a fiance at one point. There were several that bitched out about being called incels and started calling themsekves bedroom punk or some shit. I'm not knocking the genre or you for liking it. Hell, 2020-2021 was pretty peak. But legit who is left to even do a podcast anymore?

>>82547033
ah, so like that. that's pretty cool honestly, but its also a little, spooky? to know what's gonna happen before it happens.
lots of violence in your dreams, anon, but its probably good as an outlet for rage... makes me a bit worried about where your heads at tho.
idk, maybe thats my hopelessness speaking. like i cant stop the dreams at all because ive never tried. maybe ill try next time

theres always the chance that it is, youll just have to wait and see. tho you will get it one day, even if its not from what you see in dreams.
uh, i think the concept of penis envy is real. in my case there is some truth to it. i used to be really jealous of men and really wanted to be one.
so freud is sometimes unfortunately

you cant just say its depressing and then long story and expect me not to be curious, but if its a story you dont wanna tell i understand

ah ok, thats better. odd choice of emoji to use tho.
also made me think of the time 4chan enabled emoji usage for some reason.
smoking is disgusting.

i take it easy every day already, not much easier i can get. i always appreciate those threads tho

>>82547071
neet is on it, cant remember who else because i havent actually listened to it yet. lots are gone but it doesnt mean that the scene is dead. theres 4 hosts and lots of guests. lots of artists still out there

gez was really cute and not trans afaik. just a highschool girl

the early days were definitely the best but its not bad now either. i like seeing the new artists and watching the genre expand

>>82547297
Seems hard to imagine any new artists being genuine now that everyone and their mother knows about le hecking evil incel music. With all of the hundreds of video essays published since Atlanta, there's just too many eyes on the scene now for any new artists to flourish. I just view it as 60s surf music. It lasted all of 4 years or less before everyone moved on. Same with incelcore. Now it would just seem a parody. But prove me wrong and send some newer artist recs. I wanna cry myself to sleep tonight.

>>82547297
>spooky?
kinda, yeah
but it also made me realize that the future can be changed as long as we're aware of it, lol

>where your heads at
i don't back down from a fight when i have to
and i no longer back down to nightmares, so i'll fight them off
my head houses a lot of destruction, but also a lot of love and kindness
i reserve destruction for wrongdoers and obstacles, such things are needed for us to move forward after all

>maybe thats my hopelessness speaking
i wouldn't be surprised in the least
learned helplessness is a bitch too, but see if you can
something that helps me shape dreamscapes is that once i'm conscious, i imagine what the dream could've been like, what i'd change in it, and play it over and over in my head
over time you internalize such changes and it comes to you later on

>tho you will get it one day
doubt. big doubt.

>i used to be really jealous of men and really wanted to be one.
remnants of the past then? or do you still think like that deep down?

>you cant just say its depressing and then long story and expect me not to be curious
i did expect you to be curious, but i meant more so it's too long for me to explain in a post
but i think it'd be a bit too personal to share in 4chan, so...
let's just say looking at sunny is almost like looking into an alternate version of myself
the aubey in my life, well... i lost her for good many years ago, and had a harsh reminder of it recently which left me depressed for a good week

>odd choice of emoji to use
it's kinda like a play on those hard boiled guys saying shit with that "it is what it is" mindset or whatever and always saying so during a smoke, you know?
>4chan enabled emoji usage
i feel like somehow that'd make a good board theme, like random but with emojis, make it a blue board too and let people fuck around
>smoking is disgusting.
why'd you do it then?

>i take it easy every day
good
>i always appreciate those threads tho
maybe let him know sometime, i'm sure he'll appreciate it

>>82547383
ig popkill could be "newer"? and his music is my favourite, just listen to anything from him because its all good. i love scars specifically

as for actually newer artists, i really liked lil watermark, but he passed away last year coming home from a show.
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=XEkMh7vHDio&si=V4_7lNGq2iKL-bGW
probably my favourite song from him

theres also cyborg9k and edgemaster42 who are pretty good too. i dont have any specific song recs for them tho

>>82547466
thats good. as long as youre not using the destruction on the wrong people (tho i cant imagine you would, and you said you wouldnt)
seems like a lotta men have thoughts about fighting and causing destruction. male mind is funny like that

i actually only learnt about learned helplessness the other day and i was like, fuck, thats me. im the electrocuted puppy. now that im aware of it i wanna change that tho. mental conditioning is a bitch to undo by yourself tho

i think youll get it, anon. youre a really good conversationalist, a pretty nice person, theres no way youll be alone forever

remnants of the past, ig. and i do still think like that a bit, to be honest. i think life would be a bit more freeing if i was a guy. i could go on nightwalks, wouldnt be scared of going outside, and maybe id care less about love and stuff

ah, maybe its not good to prod you with more questions if its still a depressing memory. im sorry for the reminder too. it sucks when someone leaves, all we can do is keep going, and one day itll just be a distant memory. ig that not much comfort, tho...

ohhh, yeah i get it. thats pretty funny lmao.
it might be fun, but i think itd be funny to do it again on all boards as an april fools thing. i can only imagine the old horndogs and onlyfans girls on /soc/... i shouldve gone on there when it was enabled, damn.
(1/2 accidentally wrote too much)

>>82547466
it was just something else to fill my day to me. the monotony gets tiring. plus i was depressed so i was like "whats one more issue on my body? i already live in suffering anyways"

i should

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=juFA4Az2b7Y&si=Z2RJsNvtlXmqglxE

songposting my favourite song right now

>>82546211
Hi Ame, I passed out immediately after posting!!

Her bearded dragon keeps her busy, is the thing. She really likes researching how to improve his enclosure. It's kinda like a hobby. And she keeps talking about getting other lizards... She's becoming lizard obsessed, honestly!! He's about a year old now and I hear him digging dirt in the background all the time when we're calling. Bro has so much energy.

No painkillers, apparently they cause issues with the other meds I take, which are SUPPOSED to stop the inflammation at its source (and thus the pain as well) but it doesn't feel like they work at all... I actually have some oxycodone from a relative who had cancer, they died (we weren't close) and everyone thought to give me the pills because of how messed up I am. They work pretty dang good but I've been rationing the 20 or so I was given over the course of like... 8 months now I think. I use them for particularly super bad days. Like I'll probably take one after my physical assessment next week, since they're going to make me do a bunch of stuff for 3 hours, which is crazy long for me.

Do you ever get tired of neet life? I really do. I often wish I could work, I liked to when I was healthy. I liked earning money, and being busy for a significant portion of the day made me enjoy stuff more when I did have free time... I need a hobby or something that feels productive!!

>>82547749
>as long as youre not using the destruction on the wrong people
i can't say i wouldn't, as i'm pretty fucking stupid
but i tend to view it as a massively stupid thing as i believe in everyone's potential, i'd rather befriend people or send them on their way rather than going against them, unless they harm me or someone i care about and refuse to leave
>male mind is funny like that
i feel like that may be just me, but who knows
i didn't exactly grow up to be the most friendly of people (misanthropy, but that's past by now)

>im the electrocuted puppy.
hey, bite off the guy's hand (or at least a finger) when he goes feed you and he'll throw you out there instead of experimenting on you :^)
>mental conditioning is a bitch to undo by yourself tho
well if you need encouragement, i'll be here

>theres no way youll be alone forever
i'm almost 29 by now anon, i have my doubts
besides, for the best part of my 20s i was a pyromaniac who burned all his bridges
i chose to be a loner, i screwed up and i want to revert that, but i feel like friends is the best i can hope for at this point, lol
don't get me wrong, friends would still be way more than i could ask for, but my love life looks bleak

>i think life would be a bit more freeing if i was a guy.
true, there are some perks, but there are also drawbacks
don't be too sure about that...

>im sorry for the reminder too.
it's fine, the reminders help me get over it
>that not much comfort
yeah... but for the best
she's now married (happily so, i hope) and carrying on with her life, so it's good to know at least one person from my past is living a relatively nice life
but even though that's the best, it doesn't mean i like it...

>as an april fools thing.
that too, or replacing some words on the filter like they already do, but instead of something else (like onions, senpai, desu. etc.) replace it with an emoji
>on /soc/
you go there?

>>82547758
>just something else to fill my day to me.
man... i hope you stopped with that crap then
and if it motivates you not to smoke then i'll talk to you every damn day if you want
fucking cigs are the worst thing invented...

>>82547830
did you sleep well, karen-anon?

what other lizards is she thinking of getting, just more beardies? australia has so many cool lizards, like shinglebacks, those are so adorable. and blue tongues! tho im not sure having all of them together would be a good idea unless they were all raised together?
beardies are so energetic, theyre always digging and running around, its so cute.

there has to be something they could prescribe you, theres hundreds of different types of painkillers, theres gotta be one that doesnt clash. if the oxy doesnt seem to clash then that should be fine, maybe?
oxycodone is such a good painkiller. i got prescribed it one time last year cause i had to go to the hospital. tho it made me vomit...
what do they make you do during the physicals? 3 hours is a lotta time to be doing a physical

is there any sorta online work you could do, maybe something that accommodates you until you can maybe do other work again? maybe you could do coding, tho that market is pretty oversaturated

i get tired of it, but the thing is, i dont think i could ever work. i wanted to, but i never even got a proper interview. so i tried study but i couldnt do the tasks properly and ended up dropping out of that. and it made me so drained, i was so depressed

>>82547884
if you did, its probably not actually malicious and therefore isnt really an issue. so its ok.
its definitely not just you, ive seen so many men have the same mentality as you. even more "normie" men

id just be biting my own fingers off cause im the one torturing myself all the time lmao.
i appreciate that, anon. ill do my best to encourage you as well!

(too long again)

>>82547884
youve still got time. 28/29, could be worse. even if its later in life, i wholeheartedly believe youll get there.
maybe making friends will be the gateway. itll be the gateway to getting better at least. just dont burn your bridges this time, baka

the drawbacks are just things i have now, loneliness and lovelessness (kinda, but i dont have much hope for this guy, tho that could be my attachment issues and hopelessness). and i still get the pressure to perform. cant imagine itd be any worse

sorry, still.
its gotta hurt bad to see someone you once loved get married, even if it means theyre happy. its hard not to think about what couldve been

thatd actually be a really funny idea, picturing the confusion and how mad some people would get about that is making me giggle.
fuuuuuck no. i hate /soc/, its pure filth. i used to look at it a bit because my ex used that retarded board, but ive never actually used it at all.

i appreciate that. but dw, im done smoking now, i wasnt addicted so it was piss easy to stop. tho its only cause of this board getting all uppity about it. ive been on this board for so long and i never thought people on here were this anti-smoking

>>82548197
I slept pretty okay. Waking up hurts, though, I guess because laying still for too long messes up my joints.

I think she was thinking of a shingleback!! Ackie and lace monitors, too... She's a little ambitious... I dunno where she's gonna get all the space for them all.

I think by clashing they mean it's bad for my liver, because the one drug I'm on is really rough on the liver and I have to constantly get bloodwork done to monitor it. So anything that hurts the liver even more they just refuse. It really sucks.

It's a functional capacity evaluation is what it's actually called. So like they're going to going to see how much can I lift, how much can I push, how dexterous are my fingers, stuff like that. It's to see "how messed up are you physically" so they're gonna be thorough.

Ironically, I did code!! But I can't even sit upright a lot of the time, and when I have a terrible day, I might not be able to sit up at all, or use my hands, etc. Sometimes it's not even just a bad day, it could be a bad week or month. And no job is willing to listen to "my hands won't move" for an entire week when there's deadlines. It could be solved with freelance work where I can make my own hours and not have to go to scheduled meetings and stuff, but I was a coding noob, so I never really learned enough to do anything on my own yet. I feel like I'm on the very boundary of "can't do anything" vs. "can work with accomodations," but here in America they don't like to help you or give you rights at work so if you aren't the perfect little worker ant they don't want you. I just can't keep up with the pace, basically.

Yeah, it's rough for many. When I was younger and my bipolar was totally unchecked and stuff, I couldn't handle a shift sometimes. I'd just be going psycho mode, it was really bad. I just want to feel productive!! I think that's why cooking is appealing to me lately.

>>82548352
thats pretty awful if even sleeping is such a painful experience... its really amazing how you manage to stay so positive

those are super cute too!! a lace monitor is massive tho, is she sure she can handle all those? even if she has the space for them, thats a lotta work! shes very ambitious

oh yeah that wouldnt be good, and you already have enough going on as is, so i understand where theyre coming from, but there seriously has gotta be something they can do...

youre definitely gonna need one then! thats really gonna suck. but if it needs to be done, it needs to be done, i guess.

if youre still a noob, maybe you could use your good days to get a bit better, and work up to trying out freelance work! i forgot how evil america is, tho. it sucks. over in aus thered be so many companies thatd be accommodating of your needs as a worker... one day, tho

cooking would definitely help you feel more productive, plus its pretty fun!! and its rewarding to make your own food

>>82548456
Yeah, I'm worried about her ambitions a bit... Even cost, it's gonna be a lot for enclosures and stuff, I dunno where she's getting the money for all that... Also I worry because a lace monitor could actually mess her up and hurt her if it felt like...

The other thing is that with pain killers, it's kind of a problem in that I'll start bending my joints more than they can handle because I don't feel the pain. Kinda like if you couldn't feel a burning hot stove top, you'd burn your hand, so even if it doesn't hurt, it still causes damage anyway. I dunno, I've kinda given up on pain relief...

Yeah, I could learn to code more... I'm just kinda bitter about going to school and paying a bunch of money and finally starting real career and then haha your hands don't work now btw lol. It's a tough pill to swallow!! Plus it's really easy to be lazy as a neet...

I will overcome my fear of cooking!!!! Then we can save a bunch of money. That's honestly my biggest motivator.

Was actually meaning to make a thread on /r9kcore/ music. Here's some really good shit in my 100% objectively correct opinion for anons to enjoy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dr74mEbAtL4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0MqadBYOso

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoJcXt0mI5Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHJATaFBHJI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmFWsIIuMbA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFtrq9vy9UM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIV9oWSyUM8

OK I'm done. Shower before bed, retarts.

>>82548503
yeah, with a lace monitor, she'd need to train and really make sure she could handle one before getting it. but if shes doing ok with the beardie, an ackie shouldnt be too bad! or a shingleback, theyre super low maintenance and are way less energetic, and they even hibernate! lizards are pretty costly tho, but if she gets on disability and lives with her parents it should be fine to get more!

oh yeah, thatd be an issue... definitely dont wanna cause more damage to your joints and stuff. it just sucks that these are even things you have to deal with

its natural to feel bitter about it, but that could be a motivator! like, i paid all that money, so i should keep trying as a fuck you to what happened to me! or something

takeout is super expensive, so that would be really good! cooking does save so much money...

>>82548516
pretty decent taste, you should still make your thread on it tho. not enough music threads

p.s. showering in the morning is superior, 100% objectively correct opinion

It's scary to see how your psychology matches mine. It's 10 AM, I went to sleep at midnight and had alarms set for 7, 7 20, 7 40, 8, 8 20, 8 40, 9. I woke up at 10 and now I am lying in bed and preparing to get up. I always feel ashamed on such mornings, like I am wasting my life, but I cannot defeat my nature, which is depressive.

Maybe I need an ame gf to bedrot for 15 hours a day with...

>>82549158
7 hours is too little sleep, thats the real issue! i always get like... 8-11 hours a night lately and i sometimes nap for 1-4 hours because im so bored

dont feel ashamed about it. its ok to sleep in and stay in bed a bit

>>82549185
Normies sleep 6 hours a day... but it's true, for me it's like 10, and If i sleep less that that, I have to sleep in the evenings, which ruins my sleep cycle.
Sleeping is the best part of my life! I love the feeling of it, and dreams, and the lack of suffering. However... how am I supposed to function? If I sleep for 10 hours, also spend like an hour in bed, like 2 hours or lunch, an hour for other meals... I used to work and back then, I had time for NOTHING, I'd come home and go to bed immediately, only wake up for meals, and then wake up for work the next day. There was no life, such a life was completely pointless because I was suffering with no purpose.
That's why I envy your neetbux so much....

>>82549219
idk how they do it and work on top of that and not want to die. thats not a way of living at all. but ig sleeping all the time isnt good either, especially when you need to work, cause then you had no time for anything else and yeah thats pretty depressing

more people should be allowed on neetbuxx!!

Ame-chan thread my bel0ved

>>82549275
ame-chan is the cutest!!

ive been trying to find new yuri manga to read and ive finally found some... we're so back

bumping my own thread with yuri manga panels

retarded lesbian girls are so cute...

last attempt at getting the thread to stay alive

>>82548656
Whoopsie, I fell asleep again...

Maybe she can start a youtube channel about all her lizards and make some dollary doos that way too! She watches a lot of people like that who vlog about taking care of their lizards, after all.

You're right, I should really capitalize on the fact that I do know how to code, too... Let's just see how long it takes me to actually start...

I really like to save money. Like my racing wheel for gaming stopped working, I feel like most people would just say oh well too bad and throw it away. But I rewired that son of a gun and got it working again!! Or how I fixed the AC myself instead of having to hire some guy to look at it and charge us $100 for 5 minutes worth of work. I love those kinds of things, they feel so good. Even when I avoid takeout now it feels good, so cooking should give me plenty of dopamine. As long as I don't ruin every meal...

>>82545674 (OP)
Why are you suicidal? Do you not enjoy the present? Do you have no hopes for the future?

>>82549891
ooo thatd be a really good idea! doing a little youtubing would be pretty fun too. and lots of people enjoy pet content as well, so there's a good market for it

you should! and you could maybe even capitalise on that handyman work! fixing those things yourself is pretty impressive

cooking will take some practice, but im sure youll get the hang of it quickly!

>>82549900
i dont really have much hope for the future, no. i feel totally hopeless most of the time. life isnt really all that enjoyable currently and sometimes i think ending things would be for the best

which is totally selfish cause so many people have it worse and still keep going! but theyre insanely strong willed. i have no will whatsoever, no drive

also this ame art is so adorable

>>82549603
>>82549861
why are u reading yuri, I thought you had a crush?!

>>82550038
i do still!!

i read yuri cause it doesnt make me depressed the way a heterosexual romance manga does. cause i go "damn i wish i had that" and then i cry for hours. i tried reading some oneshot male yandere one and i got 2 chapters in before i wanted to die again

with yuri, i like watching lesbians, i think yuri is cute and adorable, but i dont wanna be them because im not attracted to girls like that, so i dont get depressed

>>82549970
She's autism yapping at me now that she's done working on the enclosure... She can just go and go and go, I think it's so cute. Probably good for content too!!

Hell yeah now I'm picturing myself with a hardhat and tool belt limping and hunched over up to someone's house so I can do handyman work, lmao
It's kinda shocking how little people think of themselves and what they can do, though... I think everyone is just scared to try doing DIY stuff. I wish people tried things more!!

I think I'll poof for now though Ame, it's getting kinda hard for my hands to type even with all that rest for whatever reason. Take care and sleep well when you go to bed!!

What are your crashie's interests, anyway? You talk about your relationship so much, but we don't even know what kind of person he is or what he's into.

>>82550094
you and your girlfriend are honestly so cute, you better manage to move and be with her!!!

i meant more like, they could bring stuff to you to fix! so you wouldnt have to get up. ive tried fixing stuff before and i usually end up making it worse... i think you just have skill lmao

thank you karen-anon!! rest well, have a good day!!

>>82550099
crashie?
i get worried about talking too much about his personal stuff cause im worried he sees the threads and he's super private so i try not to say too much just in case he gets upset

>>82550147
also id get super passionate and in detail about him and that wouldnt be good at all

>>82550072
>i go "damn i wish i had that" and then i cry for hours
Yeah obviously those are fantasies so they are going to be perfect, while the real world can never match that, just as its so much easier to draw a house than to build a house.
>oneshot male yandere
If you could turn your crush into a yandere, would you? You know, so he's completely obsessed, clingy and possesive with you!
>im not attracted to girls
Ohhh, so you like it aesthetically but not erotically? Weird!

>>82549900
>Do you not enjoy the present? Do you have no hopes for the future?
no and no

>>82550099
>>82550147
what does this have to do with OP's post? why are you talking about a third party?

>>82550190
even ones without the perfection or whatever, and with other media as well, seeing any affection between a male and female character makes me sad. i even sometimes get upset seeing cute couples in public... theres these 2 young alt teens near me who wear matching outfits all the time and theyll hold hands and he'll carry her around and i get unbearably jealous. i literally always see them when i go outside, even late at night in bad weather, like god is personally torturing me

hes already perfect the way he is other than the antisocial stuff, but i still wouldnt change him cause then i dont actually love him at all

its really odd. im physically attracted to women, i think theyre hot, i like seeing the female form, i like watching women kiss eachother, but i would never do anything with women myself because i think its disgusting. its only good looking at it from an outside perspective

its weird with men as well because i cant find men physically attractive whatsoever unless im in love with them. never been able to think of random men or male characters as attractive at all and it made me feel stupid growing up

>>82550236
im the op and im an avatarfag and i make threads blogposting. usually my blogposts are about a guy im in love with. i didnt mention him at all today in my post but people still ask about him!!

>>82550301
you have boyfriend / love in your life and you make such a post
in a room with a gun i would put a bullet into your head before putting one into mine

>>82550150
Why him in particular, though? What caused your obsession? Why do you put so much into your relationship with him? Why are you so sure he's oneitis?

>>82550323
its but a mere crush.
thats not even a bad thing to me, i want to die and dying with someone else would be nicer than dying alone

>>82550328
hes the most intelligent person ive ever had the pleasure of talking to, hes a fantastic conversationalist where our responses are so long sometimes we need to break it up into 2 or 3 long as fuck walls of text, its so nice

and he has the cutest laugh ever and i love his voice and accent so much

we're not in a relationship yet

hes like the most perfect man alive in my eyes

>>82550301
>theres these 2 young alt teens near me who wear matching outfits all the time and theyll hold hands and he'll carry her around and i get unbearably jealous. i literally always see them when i go outside, even late at night in bad weather, like god is personally torturing me
Umf... yeah that's pure torture. Especially when they are teens, and you realize how much you've missed out on- a love when you're still innocent and very emotional, and also have all the time in the world to explore and enjoy it. Yeah I would feel horrible too, thankfully I live in a dying-out village!
>other than the antisocial stuff
???
>i still wouldnt change him cause then i dont actually love him at all
Well... what If you could dial up his love for you, without affecting his personality? Just make it so when he thinks about you he feels like you do about him.

>>82550369
fuck you
i would beat you the fuck up and then blow my brain out onto your face

>>82550382
realising you missed out on teen love is genuine mental torture. and seeing others experience it has always killed me. i would say youre lucky, but living in a dying out village isnt a good time either in a whole different way

he gets into this terrible way, where he doesnt feel talkative much at all. soooo rn ive gone 3 whole days without a reply, and i think it was 3 before that as well. kinda killing me but ill get used to it

thatd still be changing him. if he cant love me that way on his own, i shouldnt force it

>>82550387
i understand anon. if it brings you any solace i will likely never get him and will likely die alone

>>82550445
Why do you think you'll die alone? Are you unattractive?

>>82545674 (OP)
you'll show me your small tits one day foid, i just have to be persistant

>>82550608
im not ugly, im a very middle of the road woman, not ugly but not special either.
im gonna die alone because im probably gonna end up killing myself

i dont really have any desire to meet people at all either so thats a hindrance

>>82550665
You wouldn't give another anon a chance?

>>82550726
i technically could try again if he were to disappear. but the thought of doing everything again, i just think id rather be alone. i fucking hate the slog of beginning a relationship but rushing it is awful too. its just too much work

>>82550772
Don't you consider Australian anons with whom you could meet up?

>>82550886
i never mentioned where i live in this thread, the aussie stuff was in reference to their gf, but whatever yeah im australian too

i will never date someone who lives in the shithole. i dont want to. i dont care what anyone says about it

like i said previously i plan on killing myself anyways

surprised this thread is still up
i fell asleep, sorry... but i'll leave a response for the archives

>>82548202
>youve still got time.
i wouldn't bet on that, by now everyone expects experience and i got none
my chances aren't looking so high, i admit there's a possibility but i find it too remote to consider planning around
>maybe making friends will be the gateway.
maybe, but i just want more love in my life
even if it's the love of friends, love is love, and love is good
>just dont burn your bridges this time, baka
i learned my lesson, i don't run away from people anymore, i'm always one message away from them
but it's up to them to reach out i suppose
i have serious trouble with that...

>cant imagine itd be any worse
let's see...
you get made fun of for being emotional (gotta toughen up), you can't defend yourself from evil women (false rape allegations, harrassment, even physical violence is a lose-lose cause if you defend yourself, you're a violent monster but if you don't, you're a sissy who gets beat up by women), you're expected to make the first move on women otherwise you're a coward or a faggot or something, etc.
there are some fucked up double standards out there that weigh against men, so...

>sorry, still.
don't apologize, it's okay, really
>its hard not to think about what couldve been
i didn't love her romantically, the thought crossed my mind but i just... wanted a friend
and i was denied that, first by myself, and now by her
but if she's happy, that's all that matters
i've clawed my way out of hell, something like this won't hold me down.

>picturing the confusion and how mad some people would get about that
kek, true
i can already see lines and lines of emoji spam, or if that board came to be, people would create their own emoji language probably
it'd make me kek even harder but god it'd make me wonder what's becoming of the world...
>fuuuuuck no. i hate /soc/, its pure filth.
good, i was worried for a sec
stay the fuck away from there

>>82548197
>not actually malicious and therefore isnt really an issue.
i dunno, but yeah i never really have the intention of harming anyone like that
more so stupid ways of bettering others... bleh.
>definitely not just you
huh, interesting

>biting my own fingers off
silly, puppies have no fingers :^)
>ill do my best to encourage you as well!
thanks, that means a lot
you can count on me too, for what it's worth

>>82548202
>i never thought people on here were this anti-smoking
meh... it's just some personal trauma of mine that makes me hate smokers
i grew up with them on my tail and only recently got rid of them for good, i can only imagine how awful my lugs must be now from second hand smoking...
i don't know others' reasons but mine are simple as that