Thread 82911237

hey anon, how has your week been? are you resting enough? it's almost halloween! is it your favourite festivity?

>>82911237 (OP)
Well OP, idk what to say, it's been a very sad week, I've been kind of "anhedonic" on most of the days of this week, very reminiscent of a certain period too, that now kinda haunts me and I feel it will be like that for a good while, but it's okay. there's nothing I can do except live by and escape sometimes. it's a weird feeling
>rest
I've spend some almost sleepless nights as this month has gone on. and when I sleep I always wake up without feeling rested, even tho I dream
>festivity
It's been years since I stopped caring about those, but I usually use October as a month to play horror games

>>82911297
there can't be good weeks without bad weeks, i suppose. what period did this week remind you of? if you want to share. i hope next week will be a good one, keep enduring anon
>I always wake up without feeling rested
ah yeah i can relate to that a lot. sleep has been a huge issue for me too. what do you usually dream?
>horror games
i guess that's good enough, i love spooky month but i don't like horror as much...

>>82911237 (OP)
Hiiii Taonon!! My week's been pretty okay I think! About the same as usual really. Though I've been getting some annoying intrusive thoughts lately, I think it's because some employer called me yesterday for a phone interview and it went poorly... I feel pretty ashamed about it still. Oh well my mood's not too bad anyway so I'm able to push away the thoughts for now. Are you feeling fine today?

Also I cooked the risotto again this week and it went well this time! I think at least. It was still al dente but softer than before and a lot more creamy, as well as cheesy. I think I used the right amount of stock this time. It was delicious, I think my favorite thing I've cooked so far. But I do like learning new things as well, so have you got any ideas for what I should cook next?

>resting enough?
More than enough, I think! I spend way too much time lying in bed... I think these meds do make me a little more tired than before, I'm pretty sure I didn't have the urge to rest quite as much as this before. Oh well, at least they make it easy to sleep in the evening. I've had a couple nights where I went to bed super early and I haven't had any where I stayed up in a long time now.
Have you been resting enough? There was that one day where you were super tired, is that because you didn't get enough sleep or what?

>favourite festivity?
I think so! But that's not really saying much... I don't really like holidays in general. I find it a bit weird that there are these special dates where you're supposed to celebrate something... maybe it would be fine if it was something I cared about, but I don't have any personal meaning attached to any of these dates so I don't know why I'm supposed to celebrate them. I mean, it does make life more fun I guess... but I dunno how to bring myself to care more about them really. Halloween probably is the best holiday though, I just like the aesthetics of it. What would an ideal, dream Halloween celebration look like for you Anon?

>>82911237 (OP)
>hey anon
Helloo
>how has your week been?
ups and down. Don't know how much of that is things getting worse and how much its me not computing anymore, everybody still acts normal so..
I hope you are doing better and if not, you know where you can complain.
>are you resting enough?
Could do better. I always say that tomorrow i will sleep well but i never do.
>is it your favourite festivity?
I feel like they barely matter nowadays but i do like the vibe.
Undead and stuff is where its at. Its no coincidence three of the last books/manga i read were either focused on them or at least featured them.
Do read this sort of stuff too?

>>82911469
hello anon! if your usual week is okay then that's great. hmm, i think the fact that someone actually called back is already a small achievement... why did the phone call go poorly? im feeling alright today. nothing to report
>risotto
good job anon!! im so proud of you. you'll be a great home cook in no time! hmm, about the next dish... you could try with a pasta cacio e pepe. it's easy, and has only a few ingredients. though im not sure you guys in merica have the right type of cheese (which is pecorino cheese)
>lying in bed
the curse of eepiness... in terms of resting i think i've got a lot of hours of sleep to catch up on. this week i've been feeling especially tired all the time
>these special dates
it's kind of a weird thing, but i like it because it gives us something to look forward to. at least to most people. even if my life is shit and nothing happens in it, halloween is always going to be there every year, no matter what! so i can at least look forward to that.
>dream Halloween celebration
uhm... i don't really know. the only way i've ever "celebrated" is by playing halloween events in games... as a kid i'd decorate the house with spooky stuff too. i guess now it would be cool to have a halloween party where everyone dresses up as their favourite character. then we'd watch a scary movie, or play a scary game, tell scary stories, make scary themed dishes and eat together. that would be really fun i think! perhaps we could go out for some trick or treating too. or just to mess around in the night!
>>82911568
>Hello
hii!
>ups and down
always better than only downs i suppose! anything worth mentioning happened? me, im doing the same as i was last week. i just get more tired every day that passes
>tomorrow i will sleep well
fixing your sleep schedule is nothing easy!
>Undead and stuff
do you like scary stuff in general, or just undead stories? i was never a huge fan of horror, honestly. i kind of want to get into it though! what would you recommend?

>>82911640
>anything worth mentioning happened?
Same stuff like always but it seems that its getting nastier.
>i just get more tired every day that passes
well.. are *you* getting enough sleep? It wont fix whatever is a negative in your life but you will still be more resilient to it!
>fixing your sleep schedule is nothing easy!
I think its me being lazy for the most part. But i still try to get up very early sometimes to force me going to sleep sooner but it never does anything. My mind only wants to shut off past midnight and wake up at 10 it seems.
>do you like scary stuff in general, or just undead stories?
Dunno for sure to be honest. For some reason i find vampires interesting so both manga had them as the main plot. There is the occasional scary multi player vidya too but i don't remember playing one recently. But in no way am i heavy into *horror*-horror but i like skirting around it if that makes sense. Or maybe its just dark fantasy idk.
>what would you recommend?
in my non-expert opinion and if you don't mind reading, the first three or so short stories in The King in Yellow are nice. Not really scary or "horror" but it was written by one of the guys that inspired lovecraft so it has that, and as its a collection of short stories there is no need to rush through it. I liked The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath too.

>>82911754
oh, and the manga weren't even horror to be honest so i didn't list them.

>>82911237 (OP)
Pretty bad, Think the last time i slept was 36 hours ago?anyway was talking to a girl i thought i vibed with but she ghosted, that's like the 10th or something. We don't really celebrate halloween in my country, wish we did

>>82911237 (OP)
>hey anon, how has your week been?
I'm doing pretty good actually. I feel like I am on the verge on an epiphany and it's taken a long time to accept just not close enough yet. I think I have come to understand almost that negativity and self harm as punishments for my crimes or perceived crimes will not bring me closer to happiness or truth. Maybe that's my best way of articulating it.


>are you resting enough? it's almost halloween! is it your favourite festivity?
Not really but I never do. My favorite festivity is probably Christmas because I get given things and have an opportunity to ask for them.

>>82911640
>if your usual week is okay
Yeah! It's a slightly miserable but stable kind of life I guess. Can't complain too much really.

>a small achievement
Very true! I've had a few callbacks before but they weren't really proper interviews, just them checking if I'm still interested in the job. This one was seemingly going to be a proper interview because they asked typical interview questions, but it ended short because they realized I clearly have no experience and am not fit for the job. The guy was like "What have you been doing for the past 10 years? You don't have ANYTHING in your resume" and you can tell he was hoping it's just because I didn't list anything but lole it's because I've actually been doing nothing. I lied and said I was taking care of my grandparents but I don't think that exactly made any difference, may as well have told him the truth that I was NEETing. Then he said that working in a factory is le dangerous and that's why they need someone with experience yadda yadda and hung up. I didn't feel too bad right after that but for some reason it's really been weighing on me this morning, I'm starting to feel kinda hopeless about finding a job. Maybe I should start applying to McDonald's but I really don't want to work in a kitchen...

>nothing to report
The best kind of report in this case! Glad that you at least get a couple days where you can feel alright, Anon.

>proud of you.
Hehe, you're making me blush! Thank you! I've only stuck with it for this long thanks to you, it really helps with motivation to have someone to report to haha.

>pepe
What, you think I'm some dumb frogposter!? Lole I didn't know that's how you say "pepper" in Italian. I looked it up and it's a bit expensive but we do have the right type of cheese it seems! I'm not sure as to the quality of it though, there's only one brand so there isn't any choice on which one to get. But hopefully it's sufficient, so I'll try cooking some pasta cacio e pepe this week!

Cont.

Cont.

>>82911789
>>82911640
>i think i've got a lot of hours of sleep to catch up on
Does being tired help at all with falling asleep? Or is it one of those things where you're too tired to sleep in a way? I hope you can sleep lots tonight Anonny!!

>it gives us something to look forward to.
That's very true! That's why I wish I could care more about holidays, I feel like such a grinch because I don't... It also feels like it's a good way to measure out time in a way, if you don't have any special dates like that then everything blends together and it feels like time goes by way too fast. I wonder if I could care more about it if I had some tradition I did every year, like for you it's playing Halloween events in games, but I can't say I'm particularly interested in those so I dunno... Either way it's good you have this to look forward to Anon, hopefully it's especially good this year since you'll have the party and the convention to attend!
Do you like New Year's as well Anon?

>halloween party where everyone dresses up as their favourite character. then we'd watch a scary movie, or play a scary game, tell scary stories, make scary themed dishes
Oooh that sounds really good! I think I'd look forward to it all year long if I did something like that for Halloween! Scary stories and games are too scary for me to enjoy alone, but with others it's less scary and more fun so that would be great! And speaking of messing around in the night, I think I'd maybe like to go to a graveyard at night with a friend hehe. I kinda like graveyards because they are so calm and peaceful and there's usually a lot of massive old trees there, but I'd be way too scared to go alone, but with a friend it might be nice! For some reason doing scary things is actually pleasant when it's with someone else I think, it's like all the fear turns into excitement.

>>82911237 (OP)
All I do is work from Monday to Saturday 50 hours a week it doesn't bother me I probably so desensitized to it.
Sunday my only day off and I just get up walk for 9 hours then get home to shower play a game then sleep to repeat
This has been my life for the past 6 years

>>82911754
i love migu
>its getting nastier.
that sucks... i hope things get better anon
>are *you* getting enough sleep
haha, i haven't gotten enough sleep ever since i was 17 i think! im hoping when i go to my doctor's appointment in a few days he gives me benzos or something else to help.
>My mind only wants to shut off past midnight and wake up at 10 it seems
just like me fr... no matter how hard i try to sleep early it just doesn't happen. only happens if im completely exhausted (which doesn't really happen often since i stay in my room all day)
>i find vampires interesting
i love vampires! they're my favourite type of monster. dark fantasy is also cool as heck. im a huge fan of games that have dark souls type of setting.
>it was written by one of the guys that inspired lovecraft
ooohhh! it has to be good then. i like lovecraft's stories. ill check it out, thanks anon
>>82911770
oh, that can't be good. you've got to sleep soon anon. and sucks to hear you got ghosted again. though we are in the spooky month after all... jokes apart, keep trying!
>>82911785
>on the verge on an epiphany
sounds great then. i hope you can get to it and that it makes you happy.
>will not bring me closer to happiness
yeah, indeed. it's weird to me how our brain comes up with these kind of punishments to begin with.
>Christmas
that's fair, it's my second favourite festivity. i love the vibes and the snow (even if we never get it here...) and i like gifting things people close to me
>>82911799
jeez that's a lot of hours anon. are you sure you're okay? rest and recreation are more important than work if you ask me. though if you don't hate it, it's fine i guess... do you go around in pretty places when you take your walks?

>>82911789
>ended short because they realized I clearly have no experience and am not fit for the job
pretty how much how every interview i've done ended up going... sorry this one didn't go well anone. but it's just one! don't give up already. it's true that your situation is dire but, perhaps you'll find a guy desperate enough to hire you. and yeah, i get not wanting to work at mcdonalds. when i applied i felt so miserable. not even they called me back though. i don't know if i should be happy or sad about that! sigh. maybe we should just both give up and go live in a homeless shelter.
>helps with motivation to have someone to report to
yeah, it does! it's almost as if we're meant to be with other people, and not be isolated and used until we're left as nothing but shallow husks! hmmm. surely john capitalism wouldn't have known that.
>frogposter!?
not the first time someone made that joke, and not the last i fear... it doesn't necessarily HAVE to be that kind of cheese, you can do it with other grated types of italian cheeses too. but it doesn't taste the same. anyhow, good luck with the dish! and remember to show me how it comes out!
>help at all with falling asleep?
hm, i guess this week i've been taking less time to fall asleep than average. though i always went to sleep late so it didn't really make my situation any better. and yeah, i hope so too...
>too scary for me to enjoy alone
yeah, for me too. though i also never really understood the appeal of getting terrified for fun. so i'd like to try at least once
>go to a graveyard at night with a friend
how did you know that was exactly my idea too?? what the heck. i've also been wanting to go to a graveyard at night (though not the "fancy" ones...) and mess around there. i'd love to visit any slightly or completely abandoned place/building though. i've done it once and it was so fun and exciting. i hope i can do it again sometime

>>82911901
>i love migu
we all love migu.
>that sucks... i hope things get better anon
The only way to fix this is to move out but i complained enough about that already. Thanks.
> im hoping when i go to my doctor's appointment in a few days he gives me benzos or something else to help.
good luck. Being able to sleep sounds amazing although from what i know about benzos they might give you else long term.
>only happens if im completely exhausted (which doesn't really happen often since i stay in my room all day)
just like me fr... Although if i catch a entire day of silence and a hot bath i can sort of go to bed on time even if i still don't like it. How long i sleep doesn't even matter, i always wake up and feel the same in the morning.
>dark fantasy is also cool as heck. im a huge fan of games that have dark souls type of setting.
ooh you just reminded me of darkest dungeon. Haven't played it for a while but it fits the mood alright. I wonder why i never seriously played it.
>ooohhh! it has to be good then. i like lovecraft's stories
Only the first couple of stories. The rest goes into some romance novel direction and lovecraft himself complained about Robert W. Chambers not fully capitalizing on the supernatural stuff in his books.

>>82911237 (OP)
>how has your week been?
terrible, hu tao anon
i caught a bad cold this week, think it might've been flu but thanks to the shot i took earlier this year, the symptoms weren't so bad
it's almost gone now, just a bunch of snot in my nose and lungs still
>are you resting enough?
surprisingly, yea

>it's almost halloween! is it your favourite festivity?
we don't celebrate it here
this time of year used to hype me up because of my birthday coming up, but ever since i grew into a teenager, it just makes me depressed, lol

hope you've been doing better, fren
had a couple realizations as of late so i apologize if i seem out of character lately
pic related, kek

>>82911904
>pretty how much how every interview i've done ended up going..
You too huh? I guess this is how it is with the job market these days... It sure is lovely being essentially told that you're so worthless you don't deserve to eat or have a home. Or so it feels anyhow. Hard not to take it a little personally though..

>don't give up already
I won't! Well I sorta feel like I've given up already, I'm just still doing things as if I haven't. It's a weird feeling but I bet you can relate. It's like I'm resigned to my fate yet still doing things that might hopefully change that fate. Feels like treading through a muddy bog and sinking deeper with each step you take...

>a guy desperate enough to hire you
Heh I wish the site I use to look for work had an option to sort by lowest pay. Maybe the employers who pay minimum wage would at least be desperate enough. I don't even mind, I don't need much money with how frugal I am.

>not even they called me back
Sheesh, that's awful. Well or good because at least you don't have to work there I guess. Here they have some AI bot on their site that insta schedules an in-person interview as long as you answer yes to a couple questions, so I'm hoping if I ever have to resort to that option I can maybe get hired by just showing up on time to the interview.

>both give up and go live in a homeless shelter.
I would if it was with you! We could try living off the land in some forest together, I'm way too useless on my own to not die on the second day of doing that but if we're together we could probably manage somehow! Maybe. Or we'd get eaten by a bear.

>not be isolated and used
Well at least I don't think I've really been used... not yet anyway. So far I've only been the one using everyone around me which makes me feel pretty guilty...

>john capitalism
Uhm, it's a bit embarrassing but... what is this "john" thing? I'm too old to know all the hip terms you youngings use these days... Is it some Warhammer reference?

>>82912065
>time even if i still don't like it.
*don't feel

Cont.

>>82912119
>>82911904
>not the first time someone made that joke
Aw, I guess it was a bit too obvious... I should make an edit of Pepe with cheese on his head & post it on /s4s/.

>but it doesn't taste the same.
Well I want to try to be as authentic as possible! I'll take a picture as well to show to you, that's the best part!

>less time to fall asleep than average
That's good! You should try to go to bed a bit earlier then, maybe you can actually take advantage of the extra time. Usually the worst part about going to bed early is that it takes you until your usual time to fall asleep anyway...

>never really understood the appeal of getting terrified for fun
Me neither! I like getting sad and crying for fun lole, but not getting terrified. That one just ain't fun to me. But I think when it's together with others, it would be different, so I'd like to try that one day! Do you not understand the appeal of intentionally feeling some negative emotion in general, or just fear?

>how did you know that was exactly my idea too??
Haha really? I'm happy to know you like this idea! I guess that makes sense in a way, Tao would probably like hanging out at a graveyard too. And it's the perfect thing for Halloween!

>not the "fancy" ones.
You have fancy and non-fancy ones? What's the difference? Bigger gravestones?

>mess around there
Careful not to dig up any bones!

>abandoned place/building
I really like those too! I'd really like a friend to do urban exploration with. Unfortunately there aren't many abandoned places here, but in my home town there were. I've stepped foot in a few, but I was always too scared to actually go into the derelict buildings themselves on my own, so it was just to get a quick look and run back out. How did you end up going to one? Did you have someone guide you?

>>82912065
>we all love migu
recently i've been obsessed with this migu
https://youtu.be/C-CYwNz3z8w
>to move out
yeah... keep chasing that objective anon! don't give up!
>they might give you else long term
oh, really? what is it? i thought they were relatively safe to use.
>entire day of silence and a hot bath
yeah im sure that would relax anyone enough to put them to sleep! gosh i wish i had bathtub...
>How long i sleep doesn't even matter
yeah, for me neither. whether i sleep 6 hours or 8, or even 9, i always wake up tired no matter what.
>darkest dungeon
you should play it! i never finished it but i played it for long enough to be able to say its fun. fits the vibe very well too indeed! and the narrator has a lot of quotable voicelines. like, "there remains a foothold out of this mire... now climb" soooo cool.
>into some romance novel direction
ah, that's a shame. i used to like romance, though i can't stomach it anymore now. much prefer stories of insane monsters devouring humanity and such.
>>82912097
>i caught a bad cold this week
ah, you too? i've had that 2 weeks ago. i hope it passes soon! rest is really important for that too
>we don't celebrate it here
oh, that's too bad. would you like it if you did though? and also, i don't want to say happy birthday in advance because that's bad luck here. still i can relate to bdays making you depressed
>couple realizations as of late
you're not entering your evil arc, right anon?
>>82912119
>so worthless you don't deserve to eat or have a home
indeed! i love categorizing people based off how much capital they can produce! and if you can't produce any? well then too bad, anything else you can do is worthless and you should DIE! such a fun society to live in.
>resigned to my fate yet still doing things that might hopefully change that fate
yeah, it's exactly how i feel and what i do too. i think you've described the feeling perfectly! i wish you didn't though. it means you're stuck with it too.

>>82912119
>have some AI bot
that is just so dystopian...
>off the land in some forest
ah yes, that's a great plan! well it's basically what im trying to work towards anyway. though with less wilderness and more cabins.
>get eaten by a bear
i cannot bear the thought of that...
>what is this "john" thing?
it's basically like "ceo of racism". it's like the most important legendary guy/inventor of that specific thing
>an edit of Pepe with cheese on his head
im pretty sure you can find that already
>I want to try to be as authentic as possible!
ah, im so moved... finally a foreigner who follows italian recipes by the letter... i could almost cry.
>it takes you until your usual time to fall asleep anyway
yeah, exactly. so i always feel like im "wasting time" by staying in bed and decide to do something else instead until im really sleepy
>some negative emotion in general
yeah kind of. i like listening to depressing music but perhaps that's different, it's not like i enjoy feeling like dying. so i don't get why others would induce scary or sad feelings upon themselves. maybe normalfags don't feel sad enough in their lives and have to watch sad movies to feel it sometimes. i guess.
>the difference?
hmm, i suppose with fancy ones i mean the ones that are really modernized. so they basically don't even look like your average graveyard you'd see in a movie. everything in those is neatly organized, usually with high walls around the perimeter
>dig up any bones!
i would never! at best i'd just have a nice conversation with the local ghost.
>end up going to one
bit of a long story, but there's a lot of train tracks around my town, and if you walk for a while following those, you reach abandoned train depots. that's where i've been to. there were lots of abandoned trains and it was cool as hell. it was dark when i went, and no kidding, a bunch of policemen were patrolling around the place with torches. a friend accompanied me close-by, but didn't go in with me

>>82912266
>i hope it passes soon
yea it's almost gone, don't worry
nothing a heavy dose of tea made with ginger root, rosemary, lime juice, and honey can't beat

>would you like it if you did though?
at least it'd be a holiday so yeah
>i can relate to bdays making you depressed
aye, i gaslight myself into thinking i don't give a fuck and refuse to tell people when exactly it is, just so they don't come bug me about it
i do wish i got bugged about it though, but meh
it'll be fine

>you're not entering your evil arc
i've been through it before and already been through the redemption arc, it's why i ended up like this in the first place
but maybe i overshot it with the good guy mindset, didn't realize i was doing more harm than good being like this, to myself and others
how fuckin' pathetic, lol

>>82911237 (OP)
It's been my final (full) week at work, then next week I travel to the US for a holiday/family visit. I am excited to an extent, but hard to feel any emotions these days. Halloween will be cool over there, but I know I won't be able to feel much of anything even if it SHOULD be fun.

>>82912266
>and if you can't produce any? well then too bad
Yeah... this has always seemed pretty cruel to me. I understand in the past pretty much everyone needed to work in order for humanity to survive, but it feels like we have plenty of leeway these days for that to not be needed anymore... I wish work didn't exist and everything was just done on a volunteer basis.

>yeah, it's exactly how i feel and what i do too.
I figured.. that's too bad Anon. It's hard to keep yourself going when you feel resigned, everything feels like such a drag. Oh well, I guess we have to keep trying anyway...

>>82912270
>that is just so dystopian...
I guess? It's more just cringeworthy to me honestly. It's like all the corpos decided to hop on this AI train even though it just makes everything more cumbersome. It's like with advertisements, the more I see ads for something the less I want to buy it because it seems lame. Have you ever tried chatting with AI bots or ChatGPT or anything? What did you think? I do have to say they are pretty useful as a search engine replacement, it's easier to find something specific you are looking for especially if you have trouble thinking of the right search terms for it.

>though with less wilderness and more cabins.
Would you try to be entirely self-sufficient? That seems pretty hard to me, but at the same time it sucks if you can't be because then you have to at least occasionally work some job you probably hate.

>i cannot bear the thought of that...
I guess that works as a joke... bearly...

>"ceo of racism"
Ah, well, the more you know I guess... I don't think I've ever seen that before, I live under too big a rock. But now your Warhammer name makes more sense at least!

>im pretty sure you can find that already
Probably! It's insane how many edits of Pepe and Wojak there are.

>finally a foreigner who follows italian recipes by the letter...
H-haha... y-yeah, like putting mushrooms in carbonara!

Cont.

>>82912266
>https://youtu.be/C-CYwNz3z8w
thats a pretty nice one. I'd return in kind but i lost my bookmarks sadly.
>oh, really? what is it?
dunno but i know that it is not meant for long term use even a lot of doctors still treat it as such. Same goes for my heart shredder 3000 btw, it being temporary wasn't even mentioned.
>don't give up!
i won't! My next appointment is soon and they are getting less and less useless every time!
>gosh i wish i had bathtub...
one day anon. We will all make it! Quietness and hot baths are straight ahead.
>whether i sleep 6 hours or 8, or even 9,
Im aiming for 2-4 today. Its the monthly grill&'drink session you see.
>and the narrator has a lot of quotable voicelines
Love that guy. Im sold. Im reinstalling tomorrow.
>much prefer stories of insane monsters devouring humanity and such.
Yeah the one in this one is sorta crazy even if there is no huge war. Some of these stories are kinda sad too.

Cont.

>>82912490
>>82912270
>"wasting time" by staying in bed
That's definitely what it feels like... can't blame you for wanting to do something else instead. Speaking of, I didn't miss any poems yesterday again did I? I think I checked /r9k/ in the evening but I dunno I might have went to bed too early to see it.

>depressing music
Ah right you do like that! I think that counts. There's a limit to how much sadness I enjoy too of course. I guess I'm a normalfag in this regard because I really don't feel sad enough in my life usually! I feel miserable and anguished and hopeless and dejected, but not really sad as such. It's always this kind of quiet background misery with me, so it's nice to feel something more intense sometimes. And crying is great, I always feel more alive afterwards. What emotion(s) do you think you feel the most in your life?

>modernized
Ah ya, I think I wouldn't like those either. I prefer the slightly overgrown, half-abandoned ones. It'd be neat to read some really old gravestones as well, learn about people who are long gone. I think being near death like that makes you appreciate life a bit more as well.

>i would never!
I'm not so sure considering how many pictures of Tao hugging skulls you've posted before... But as for ghosts, do you believe they exist? You haven't seen any yourself, have you?

>train tracks
Ahhhhhhh I'm so jealous! I lub trains. Are some of them still active? Can you hear the train horn from where you live? I remember as a child I'd hear it and run off to the tracks that were near our home to watch the train pass by. Good times...

>abandoned trains
That is super cool!! I don't imagine you have any pictures? I wonder what old Italian trains look like.. I bet they're super interesting...

>policemen
That's scary! I'm surprised you had the guts to walk in there, and without your friend too... do you think you could go there again alone or do you need someone to at least be nearby?

>>82911237 (OP)
What will you do when you run out of tao's to post

>>82912353
>yea it's almost gone
niceu. herbal remedies are the best!
>i do wish i got bugged about it though
hmm, you should try and be more honest about your feelings anone. you'll live with a lot less stress on you
>the good guy mindset
it's not a bad mindset, but i guess it's easy to be taken advantage of if you're not careful. what are you thinking about changing this time?
>>82912422
i hope your journey goes well anon. it's true for me too that it's difficult to feel anything anymore. wish i could get excited for things. nevertheless, i hope you'll have a good time at halloween
>>82912492
>lost my bookmarks sadly
awww, no migu...
>it is not meant for long term use
haha, good thing i'll kill myself in a few years then! well, hopefully you'll find something to a replacement that works better
>less and less useless every time
woah! that's great anon! incredible to think progress can be made...
>Quietness and hot baths are straight ahead
i couldn't ask for better! nevertheless, quietness shall arrive both in failure and success!
>or 2-4 today
oh, well i guess it's okay to do that every once in a while. have fun at your grilling session!
>Love that guy. Im sold
heh. let me know how it goes! i got to the darkest dungeon but then everyone died...
>sorta crazy
love me some crazy characters. my favorite cliche is the mad scientist guy
>>82912552
i don't think that's ever going to happen considering how many i have, but if it does, then i guess it'll be my sign to retire...
>>82912490
>everything was just done on a volunteer basis
that would be really nice. though incredibly unrealistic sadly.
>we have to keep trying
what else is there to do anyway!
>It's like with advertisements
yeah same here, though the idea that your application won't even be considered because a bot decided it's not worthy is rather depressing to me. im sure it doesn't exactly work like that (for now) but yknow.

>>82912490
>chatting with AI bots or ChatGPT
yeah, i have. never really managed to get past the "im talking with computer, this is awkward" so i rarely ever used them. it is true that they can be handy when you need specific information. i did use it to cheese some school assignments too...
>entirely self-sufficient?
that would be ideal yes, though very unrealistic in this day and age. so for now im hoping towards half self sufficient and half not. like, i either produce my own food and buy electricity and such, or the opposite
>bearly...
heheheh
>like putting mushrooms in carbonara!
anone, you really didn't need to remind me of that you know.
>I didn't miss any poems yesterday
naw, i haven't posted any more since then.
>quiet background misery with me
ah, i suppose most of the time i feel that too, but with more intense spikes. the emotion i feel the most? that would be hopelessness.
>slightly overgrown, half-abandoned ones
yeah, exactly how i like em too! sadly there ain't too many where i live like that.
>makes you appreciate life a bit more as well
or long for death even more strongly
>Are some of them still active?
they all are! i can't hear the horn from my house but i've heard it plenty while walking around on the outskirts of town.
>>82912498
>I don't imagine you have any pictures?
actually, i have 2 videos. mind you, this happened almost 4 years ago, so they're buried somewhere in my phone and might be unrecoverable. and also there's my cringy voice in them.
>you could go there again alone
i didn't know the cops were they when i first walked in... but yeah now i'd go again, alone too. it's probably less scary anyway, now that im a bit more mature too.

>>82912648
>herbal remedies are the best!
true, and it's tasty as well
i think i'll be making this tea regularly now, even without being actually sick
i'm gonna run out of honey before long though, lol

>you should try and be more honest about your feelings
been there, done that, got bashed for it because it's "attention whoring" at the end of the day
everyone will bash on you for whatever reason so i'd rather not show anything to anyone until they're close enough for me to be sure they won't bash me for it

>it's easy to be taken advantage of
true, not my issue though

>what are you thinking about changing this time?
just introduce a little apathy
for starters, not giving out unsolicited advice, that shit never helps anyone and words don't fucking matter in this place, kind or otherwise
from there it's just a matter of not giving so much of a fuck about people
i work a lot better as a person when i don't worry about them

>>82911237 (OP)
Poor. I just lost another commission chef job because I have a reputation of being an unhinged alcoholic. I'm going to go the restaurant to help out tonight for free, as a gesture of good faith.

>>82912679
>everyone will bash on you for whatever reason
indeed, everyone will judge you no matter what you do. so in my opinion, it's better to be judged for who you really are rather than to be judged for someone you're pretending to be.
>a little apathy
goes a long way i guess. it's impossible to care about everyone and everything nowdays, and you need to take care of yourself too
>>82912705
ah, that's rough. i hope your shift tonight goes well at least, and you can get your rep back up.

>>82911237 (OP)
Feeling very anxious as always, but at least i smoked a joint today

>>82912648
>incredibly unrealistic sadly.
I agree, but what do you think makes it unrealistic? Current society, or human nature in general?

>what else is there to do anyway!
Well my brain seems to always find plenty of other things to do somehow...

>your application won't even be considered because a bot decided it's not worthy
Okay yeah that is pretty dystopian. The bot they have right now is funny more than anything because it's literally no different from a webpage that has a couple yes/no questions except it's worded as a conversation, but in the future I'm sure they''ll try to automate interviews too and it's gonna be awful. Though, for an autist like me at least it might be easier to game them then interviews with real people...

>yeah, i have.
Ah okay so you did give them a try. I have too, and it just seemed kind of boring... I guess I also can't get past the knowledge that I'm talking with a computer. I don't know how some people get addicted to talking to them, they just aren't good enough for that yet I don't think... if they'll ever be.

>i did use it to cheese some school assignments
Bad Tao! I wish this stuff existed back when I was in school, I would've never had to do homework again...

>i either produce my own food and buy electricity and such, or the opposite
I see, I guess that's more realistic. Sucks that it has to be that way though...

>heheheh
Anon you shouldn't laugh at such stupid "jokes"! But your laugh is really cute so I'll allow it hehe

>you really didn't need to remind me of that
Now you can cry but for the opposite reason!

>i haven't posted any more since then.
Ah okay, good, I hate missing out on them!

>i feel that too, but with more intense spikes.
I see, so you just get the worst of both worlds... that's really unfortunate. Do you think the intense spikes or the constant misery is worse?

Cont.

>>82911237 (OP)
shit, its been fucking SHIT. i fucked up my sleep schedule again so my life grinded to a halt, again. didnt do any of my hobbies and just did 20 hour shifts on r9k like gods biggest incel. i think im gonna go and force myself to do something now, typing all this out fucking HURTS and makes me want to get banned for 30 days just so i do something else

Cont.

>>82913187
>>82912653
>hopelessness
Me too these days, along with exhaustion. I think it was shame back when I was living with my parents, because that's the emotion I feel most when around people in general.

>yeah, exactly how i like em too!
Nice! Those are the most interesting. I like overgrown stuff in general, and I really hate how around here they landscape everything to death... why does grass even need to be cut?? Can't they just leave it alone? And they make so much noise with their grass trimmers and leaf blowers too, it's so annoying. It's the desert too, there's already so little greenery here, yet they try to exterminate anything that grows outside the designated places... augh, I really detest it. That's part of why I like abandoned places, they usually have weeds and whatnot growing everywhere and it looks really nice!

>or long for death even more strongly
Or that! Can't help but envy a bit how peaceful it is for them, can ya.

>they all are!
Lucky! Most of the railroads around my home town are inactive these days, the factories they went to closed down and got sold for new housing developments. It really breaks my heart...

>they're buried somewhere in my phone
Ah well, I guess I won't ask you to look for them then. But I'd like to hear your voice one day! I wonder what it's like. Not as cringy as mine surely haha. Why's your voice in them anyway, were you speaking to your friend or did you try making like a commentary about the place?

>now i'd go again, alone too
You are pretty brave! I'd be too scared for sure.

BTW I've been listening to that playlist you linked the other day, it's pretty good stuff! There's something about anime music that makes it better even if it's a genre I don't normally listen to. Maybe it's because the vocals are really good. I think my favorite so far is Hafuri.

>>82913091
>better to be judged for who you really are rather than to be judged for someone you're pretending to be.
yeah, i don't really fake anything, i wear my heart on my sleeve since it's less effort that way
but i decide who to show what, is what i meant

>goes a long way i guess.
then here's hoping things get better after all
same to you though, on that note

>>82913145
niceu. wish i had weed myself honestly.
>>82913187
>human nature
that mostly. we're too flawed to live that way.
>plenty of other things
doing nothing does not count as something to do
>if they'll ever be
im sure they will try their best to make them try and substitute actual interactions.
>I would've never had to do homework
but you need to that to learn! i only skipped unimportant stuff...
>you shouldn't laugh at such stupid "jokes"
sadly, my humour loves dad jokes and such. so i will keep laughing at them!
>the intense spikes or the constant misery is worse?
definetly the spikes. when they happen it's like everything has lost it's meaning and i get really really suicidal. if they lasted more than what they do now i could probably just end up killing myself.
>shame
hm, is there a specific reason why you're ashamed, or just your life in general? i don't feel that much shame when im out, mostly i just feel like i don't fit.
>Can't they just leave it alone?
i knooow right?? you get me anon. i really couldn't handle living in american suburbs, they look so damn soulless to me. overgrown things are so much prettier!
>how peaceful it is for them
correct!
>Most of the railroads around my home town are inactive
ah... that's a shame. i wonder what happened to all those cool steam trains you guys had back in the old wild west.
>did you try making like a commentary
yeah, i was trying to do that. along with explaining where i was. i did it in my awful english speaking skills that i had back then, so that's why its cringy. and also just dont like how i sound
>it's pretty good stuff!
it is! im glad you actually liked it. i do like the lyrics and the fact that it's touhou sounding. though most of the time i tend to focus on the guitars and everything else goes in the background.

>>82913188
perhaps you should get intentionally banned, but anyhow, i wish you a speedy recovery from the r9k addiction anon.
>>82913577
>i wear my heart on my sleeve
humu, that's how i think it's best to live. wish people were more honest about their feelings nowdays. i hope your new arc works out for you anon

>>82913735
>that's how i think it's best to live.
for me at least, it is
but i don't think that's true for everyone, it does get you in trouble pretty fast sometimes, it's not for everyone, lol
it's fine to keep a bit of secrecy, so long as you're still true to yourself
omission over lying

>i hope your new arc works out for you anon
yeah thanks, if nothing else i might just be going back to my "normal"
these past few months of living alone really have been fucking with my psyche after all, but i'm starting to adapt, i think
being here helps me more than i'd like to admit, i have no one to interact with irl and my friend is often away, busy with his hobbies or discussing work stuff with his peers, or whatever it is he does with his time
it's one of those times in our friendship when we're not so close, but we're still there as always, lol

>>82913722
>we're too flawed to live that way
Dang, so it's that... I tend to be a little more hopeful, I imagine we could engineer some sort of society where that would be the norm. It just seems so much better to do work because you want to help others, rather than because you have to in order to put food on the table.

>doing nothing does not count as something to do
Daydreaming and staring off into space is not nothing! In fact you can't do nothing anyways, you're always doing something!

>try and substitute actual interactions
I swear a few months ago I would have been looking forward to this... but now it feels rather dreadful. I guess once you've been isolated for long enough, you start to want things like that. *They* won't even have to convince anyone of it, the legwork has already been done..

>but you need to that to learn
Ask me what I still remember from high school..

>my humour loves dad jokes and such
That's good that you can find enjoyment in silliness! I like dad jokes too, and puns as well.

>it's like everything has lost it's meaning and i get really really suicidal
Ouch, that sounds really horrible Anon... and yeah now that I remember how you've felt during some of the recent spikes, it makes sense you'd choose those as the worst. I hate how hard it can be to, "see clearly", so to say, when you're in one of those spikes, everything becomes colored by the anguish you're feeling and you can't even remember ever feeling any other way. I'm really glad I don't have those moments too often, nor that intensely.

>specific reason why you're ashamed
No real reason, and it's not even my life I don't think, it's more broad than that... it's me, my person as a whole. I'm ashamed of everything related to that. If I start to enjoy some thing, it becomes a shameful thing by association with me. It's pretty debilitating in social situations, because unlike anxiety it only gets worse the more you spend time around someone and as they learn more about you.

Cont.

>>82912648
>awww, no migu...
i have pictures doe
>woah! that's great anon! incredible to think progress can be made...
don't speak too soon. We'll see in a couple of months.
>nevertheless, quietness shall arrive both in failure and success!
but anon, what good is quietness without hot baths? Everybody needs to stay strong and both quietness and hot baths will be guaranteed!
>have fun at your grilling session!
scratch the grill part. Its just drinking now. This time without beer loving laptops i hope.
>love me some crazy characters. my favorite cliche is the mad scientist guy
the book definitely scratches those itches.

Anyways time to start the drinking. If i don't reply then you know why. Its not just sangria this time.

Cont.

>>82913905
>>82913722
Thankfully it hasn't been too bad so far around you, maybe because you are so accepting of everything I say. Thanks for being like that, Anon!

>i don't feel that much shame when im out
Humm, that's surprising, I thought you'd feel it too since you feel like you don't fit in. I guess there's different feelings that can arouse. Is your not fitting in more tinged by loneliness and isolation?

>i knooow right?? you get me anon
OMG you agree Anon!? I'm so glad!! Hehe this is really something I feel strongly about so it's nice we have the same opinion about it. Let ALL the weeds grow!!!

>steam trains
Most probably got turned into scrap metal I imagine... but there are still some left in museums here and there I believe! We don't have any such museums in my city sadly as it never had much of a rail system, but I believe there are some pretty cool museums in other parts of the country. Might be nice to visit one of those one day.

>yeah, i was trying to do that
Wow huh I'm surprised to hear that! Did you plan on uploading it somewhere? Did you maybe have dreams of making a YouTube channel or something? And I was going to ask if it was in English or Italian! But huh did you really not know English that well just a mere 4 years ago? Or were you just bad at speaking? Regardless, how did you get better in that short of a time?
I have an incredibly cringeworthy video of my own that is still buried somewhere on my phone, in it I scream "Nico Nico Nii!!!!" at the top of my lungs off the top of a roof of a building... I cringe just thinking about it. I have no idea what drove me to do that...

>i do like the lyrics
Do you look up translations or can you understand some on your own? You do have so many anime under your belt that I imagine you picked up a bit of Japanese through osmosis by now...

>guitars
I wish I liked them more... unfortunately synthesizers are more my speed. I can't believe you like migu fumos more than synthesizers, you infidel!

>>82913905
>better to do work because you want to help
it is better, after all it's how we've lived for millennia before things changed into what they are now.
>always doing something!
i really wish i wasn't, honestly...
>to want things like that
well yeah, our brains still need to interact with someone (or something) in order to be fulfilled, so they'll find a way eventually. and yes, they don't even need to advertise it or anything, we're already doing it to ourselves.
>still remember from high school
what do you still remember from high school??
>can't even remember ever feeling any other way
that's the worst part for me. im convinced i'll only feel that way forever and it only adds to the despair.
>a shameful thing by association
hmm, i see. must be really annoying to deal with. you're such a cool person though... i hope someday you can be proud of the things you like and who you are.
>more tinged by loneliness and isolation?
yeah kind of. i don't feel shame because i don't care about what others think of me. but i still feel like an alien since im so different from everyone else.
>Let ALL the weeds grow!!!
yeah!! everywhere there has to be green! no more ugly trimmed grass! hehe
>turned into scrap metal I imagine
that sucks. those were one of my favourite things about the old wild west honestly. what do you think of that period by the way?
>uploading it somewhere?
naw, just wanted to share it with my online friends. as a kid i did want to be a youtuber though... i kinda still do now, mostly because i think it's one of the few "jobs" that i wouldn't hate doing.
>bad at speaking?
yeah that, i didn't have anyone to practice with after all, and i was too shy to talk anyway.
>how did you get better
being a terminally online neet helped...
>incredibly cringeworthy video
heheh, that's funny. i've made many cringy videos too when i wanted to be a ytber, and they will never see the light of day ever again!
>you like migu fumos more than synthesizers
love me my migus...

>>82911237 (OP)
My week has been fun, I love Halloween. But I am lonely

>>82913834
it's not for... the faint of heart i guess you could say. and yeah, no lies if nothing is told in the first place
>really have been fucking with my psyche
loneliness does that yeah. can really mess you up mentally. god knows i know about it. hopefully you'll get a chance to be with your irl friend soon
>>82913911
>i have pictures doe
yay!
>We'll see in a couple of months
im confident in you anon, you will get better! i am NOT jinxing anything. i hope. really.
>what good is quietness without hot baths?
i know... ahhhh! i've only had 1 bath last year and it was the best thing ever. the first time i had one too. i've got to experience that again!
>without beer loving laptops
you better not get your laptop drunk! and shame no grilling... i hope you have fun nevertheless! and don't drink too much okay?
>>82914019
what did you do anon? we can lonely together here at least! are you dressing up as something for halloween?

>>82914013
>after all it's how we've lived for millennia before things changed
Did we? I don't really know how it was back when we lived in tribes, but I imagine people were threatened with getting kicked out if they didn't do stuff so it was still sort of forced labour like it is now. Maybe not though, I don't know enough about anthropology to say really, I just can't imagine things were that good back then either.

>i really wish i wasn't, honestly...
Always doing something, and always doing nothing, both a curse... I wish I could do more things, even stuff like playing video games. At least I'd have something to point to for all the time I wasted instead of just feeling like all that time disappeared into the void.

>in order to be fulfilled
Do you think we can ever be fulfilled interacting with an AI?

>what do you still remember from high school??
Nothing, that's what!

>that's the worst part for me. im convinced i'll only feel that way forever
Yeah, I hate that part... I guess it's selective memory, literally you physically can't remember what it's like to feel something else. It's awful.

>you're such a cool person though
Ehe, thanks Anon! Hopefully I can see that I'm cool one day... and same to you! There's a reason so many people like talking to you Anonny.

>i don't feel shame because i don't care about what others think of me.
Ahh if only I could learn that superpower... on some level, I don't care what others think either, but on a deeper level, I do still care unfortunately.

>i still feel like an alien since im so different
That's the worst. It's really nice that 4chan exists or I'd think I really was an alien. I honestly might have already killed myself by now if not for that knowledge, now that I think about it. It's so, so reassuring to know there's others like you out there, even if in very few numbers.

Cont.

Cont.

>>82914289
>no more ugly trimmed grass!
Yes! If I were the president I'd unironically forbid trimmed grass yards and would make it illegal to remove any trees unless just as many are replanted in a nearby area. Then I'd make a new city in the middle of a forest and try to build it with as little disturbance of the natural environment as possible. I'd have tall high-rises but spaced apart far from each other and with lots of trees in-between, very few roads connecting them, and cars would be banned outside of ambulances and firetrucks, and there'd be a vast train network. This is something I daydream about sometimes heh.

>what do you think of that period
I like the steam trains, but... I actually kinda hate the aesthetics of that period otherwise. I don't like cowboys etc. as well. Dunno why, but it just doesn't appeal to me at all sadly. I assume you like that period then? What do you enjoy about it?

>share it with my online friends
Ah, I see. Well if you ever go back there again, do record a video and share with me! Without voice if that's more comfortable.

>"jobs" that i wouldn't hate doing.
That makes sense! I feel like a lot of ADHDers are YouTubers too, it's a career that suites fast minds well. I've thought about it before but actually I think I'd hate being a YouTuber, I'd probably be very lazy and never upload stuff, and it would likely ruin whatever topic I made my channel around for me because it would become work instead of fun in my mind. Like for instance, getting paid to play video games SOUNDS nice in theory, but I think it would make me hate playing them because then I'd do it more out of need and not out of want.
I assume if you wanted to make a channel, you'd make it about history and warships and stuff like that?

>terminally online neet helped
With speaking? Do you mean you used voice chat a lot?

>they will never see the light of day
Awe... I guess I can't blame you though, some stuff is just too cringy!

>love me my migus
Mumumuuuu..

>>82914039
>not for... the faint of heart i guess
yeah, but i wish it didn't have to be so
i'm incredibly dense but i like to see people for who they really are

>your irl friend
you messed up that order
we're online friends instead, i don't talk to anyone irl, no friends there
but he's been better to me than every single irl "friend" i ever tried to make, so i'll put up with that
it's just part of the friendship

>>82914289
>things were that good
i don't think things were ever good for the human race if you look at history in a more broad sense. constant wars, awful living conditions, plagues. there always have been problems, just different ones.
>we can ever be fulfilled interacting with an AI?
as of now, i don't think so, but this might change in the future. if they manage to perfectly emulate a human being, what is going to stop our brain from thinking it's just like the real thing?
>Nothing
did you use to have good grades anon?
>and same to you
mhm, i guess so... im grateful for all the nice anons. i think they're cooler than me
>learn that superpower
i wouldn't call it a superpower, more so something that is fundamentally broken about me.
>others like you out there
yeah, it is! i only wish we weren't spread so thin. i don't know where i'd be without the anons here honestly.
>daydream about
woahhh anon!!! i would love to live in your city! im happy we both see it this way when it comes to nature and stuff. i wish more people shared this beautiful dream of yours!
>you like that period
i do! it's one of my favourite periods, i like cowboys and the aesthetic of the time. dusty lands, duels, ballads, indian ambushes... historically speaking, the west at the time was hell to live in, but i just think it's so cool. and i love revolvers. prolly my favourite type of gun.
>history and warships
nah, i still wanted to make a gaming channel, but i had this golden rule that i would only play what i felt like playing, and never be forced to do what i didnt like doing.
>you used voice chat a lot?
hmm, i wouldn't say a lot, it wasn't an everyday thing, but way more than before. and in 4 years the efforts accumulated. besides i practiced on my own sometimes too. and thinking in english i guess helped aswell...
>>82914541
>who they really are
me too, it's just a shame no one does that anymore nowdays. we mask, mask and mask
>we're online friends
ah, okay. perhaps some day you could meet!

>>82914648
>constant wars, awful living conditions, plagues.
Hmm well I didn't really mean these things, I meant more about work. Did humans ever really do things voluntarily? There may have not been money, but there were still mechanisms of control over the common people, I imagine. If you didn't do enough work for your tribe, I'd imagine you were kicked out, or punished in some other way. But then again I guess stuff was a lot more relaxed back then? You probably only had to do what was immediately necessary. And it likely helped that there were no clocks, since those as far as I understand really make employers a lot more strict in terms of how much work they wanted you to do.

>if they manage to perfectly emulate a human being, what is going to stop our brain from thinking it's just like the real thing?
Indeed... and on the Internet, you'd have no way of ever knowing if it's a real person or not. Scary. If I knew that it was an AI though, even if it could perfectly emulate a human being, I think it'd still not be as fulfilling on some level, because I'd know in the back of my mind that it's just a bot programmed to act that way.

>did you use to have good grades anon?
Not really... in elementary and middle school I think I had good grades, but by high school I started slacking too much, and the last couple of years especially so--I almost failed a few classes. Mostly because I skipped doing the homework a lot of the time... I think I just realized there's no point in getting good grades, it doesn't get you anything, so I just decided to coast until I can finally be freed from that prison. I imagine it's a similar story for you Anon? You dropped out, but I reckon your grades started to get worse quite a bit before that?

>i think they're cooler than me
Well it's not healthy to compare yourself to others, everyone is cool in their own way as you've told me before! But personally, I do think you are the coolest Anonner!

Cont.

Cont.

>>82914910
>>82914648
>wouldn't call it a superpower
Well the part where you don't care about stupid things is! Maybe you're just not used to your new superpower yet, if you were able to control it better maybe you could still care about the important things!

>wish we weren't spread so thin
Yeah, it sucks. I wonder though how much of this perception is due to people masking so much. Maybe there're actually a lot more people like us but they're all trying to blend in with the normies so you never see them.

>i would love to live in your city!
Hahah really? I'm happy that you like it!! It's something I've daydreamed about for years, it's a place I always come back to whenever I feel like I hate where I'm living. If only more people shared this dream, indeed! Maybe then someone would make it into reality. Also, I want there to be rope bridges between the buildings! That way you can traverse between them from roof to roof, without having to step on the ground, and look at the cool views from above!

>dusty lands
Well I do like the desert in Stronghold, so I guess I can see where you're coming from... I've had enough deserts otherwise, though. I guess the wild West did have some pretty cool historical moments, but for me aesthetic is important so I still can't really say I'd be interested in learning about it, sadly. I'd much rather learn about medieval Europe, that's a period that appeals to me more.
Also is that why you've played RDR2? Did you like it?

>revolvers
I do like those!

>gaming channel
Ah I see, well it'd be a good rule to only play stuff you felt like playing, but probably you would never get popular that way. Are all the cringe videos you have of you playing vidya then?

>way more than before
I see, still it's crazy to me you went from being so shy to being able to VC. I think that's scarier to me than talking to people IRL, even. Also, do you think in English nowadays? You must know it better than Italian at this point...

>>82911237 (OP)
My week has been good. Pretty boring but now that it's the weekend I can play vidya, maybe goon a bit, and do some wrenchin' on my car if the weather permits.

Just replaced my car's positive battery terminal after a few weeks of having to fiddle with it to get my car to start

>>82914648
>we mask, mask and mask
well yeah, we're afraid
but that's fine, if i really try to get close to someone, i can try and get past the layers and see them for themselves, i can be misled by them but if allowed, i'll take off all the masks and give them a genuine (and maybe metaphorical) hug

>perhaps some day you could meet!
we've been considering next year when i get my first vacation time
still gotta save up and plan it though, but it'll be possible now
financial independence is dope

>>82914039
>i am NOT jinxing anything. i hope. really.
you'd have to try very hard for that.
>i've got to experience that again!
you have a mission now. No more aimless wandering, the bath calls!
> i hope you have fun nevertheless! and don't drink too much okay?
spilled most of the harder stuff :( even if i were to drink the rest i have it would be no harder on me than that bottle last time in a thread. Its ove man,

>>82914910
>ever really do things voluntarily?
i mean, as far as tribes go, you'd do the work to help you and your own tribesmen. maybe you didn't want to, but there was this sense of duty (i think) to protect your family and provide for it that would make the work have some sense even if it was hard. nowdays, you only work to get money. your family doesn't need you (save special cases), no one does. you could die tomorrow and no one besides your immediate family and friends would care. back then, someone in the tribe dying would've had more impact too, making your life (and work) meaningful. at least that's what i believe.
>back of my mind that it's just a bot programmed to act that way
yeah, because of that i don't think i could ever find the fulfilling, but, us humans can easily gaslight ourselves into thinking it's a real person, and try to forget it's not
>grades started to get worse
my grades were never good to begin with anon, i always did the very bare minium to pass, and i failed a class in middle school too
>hey're all trying to blend in with the normies so you never see them
yeah, i think so too, which is why i try my best to always show my true self whenever im outside! i wanna be seen by others like me
>really?
yeah!!! i love it. hehe, the rope bridges sound cool, though i don't think my fear of heights would let me actually go on them...
>medieval Europe
yeah i still like that setting more, medieval times are my favourite period of history. and yeah, i did like rdr2! it's an amazing game.
>you playing vidya then?
not all of them, some were "comedic" sketches i did as a teen thinking i was funny. and an unboxing video of a questionable gaming mat a friend gifted me.
>that's scarier
uhm, why is that you think? but yeah, it's crazy to me too, i used to be terrified of talking. it was so anxiety inducing.
and yeah, i do think mostly in english now. it's a bit worrying... sometimes i forget how to say certain words in italian, but know them in english.

>>82914951
boring is better than awful i say. have fun with vidya, and it's probably better if you don't wrench your willy, it's bad for your brain anon. you can however wrench the car, that is fun and cool
>>82914995
>can try and get past the layers
i guess you can do that yes. i like doing it too, it's a shame most others don't bother, and as soon as they notice something they dont like thye just leave.
>but it'll be possible now
that's niceu! then i hope you'll have fun once you do meet!
>>82915042
cherry migu!
>you'd have to try very hard for that
hmm i guess i won't then?
>No more aimless wandering
finally! a worthy objective, worth fighting for! i guess?
>spilled most of the harder stuff
you dummy anon. how did you manage that? sigh. well at least you won't get as intoxicated as you were planning to be.


i'd love to stay more and talk with all the drunk and not drunk anons, but my bed calls my name. and besides im starting to feel bad about being home on a saturday night. so better turn unconscious asap! thanks for talking with me today anons.

>>82915210
Thanks for talking with me, and good night Annonner! May the week's tiredness be whisked away by morrow!

>>82915210
Good night tao anon and everybody else going to bed now or in a bit. Enjoy the bed and sunday.

>>82915210
>as soon as they notice something they dont like thye just leave.
true, it's terrible, lol
if i invest in someone, i'll be there for the good and the bad too

>i hope you'll have fun once you do meet!
i'll make sure to share it all with you guys when it happens

have a great night, hu tao anon
thanks for talking to me today, sweet dreams

>>82911237 (OP)
Bonfire night is my favourite holiday. I like to fart on the fire.

>>82915130
>there was this sense of duty (i think) to protect your family and provide for it
Ahhh okay yeah now it makes sense! I didn't think of that, but you're right, there was definitely more of a sense of unity back then, wasn't there. That does make all the difference! It explains a lot about me too, I never had anyone I cared much for, so no wonder I've been so lazy... I think I could be pretty hardworking if I had a good reason to work hard... probably. Though at this point I feel so broken that I'm not sure it's possible for me to feel that kind of sense of duty anymore.

>because of that i don't think i could ever find the fulfilling
So you are the same way... I wonder if that's a good thing or not. Maybe we should all just give up on real relationships and only interact with AIs. It would certainly make things a lot easier... But on the other hand, maybe we'd lose our humanity. Is that even a bad thing though? Who knows...

>i always did the very bare minium to pass
I see... that kind of makes sense I guess. In a way I think that's not a bad thing, at least you probably aren't as much of a perfectionist as I am because of this. But then again you seem to think you're stupid even though you're a smart boye! Just because you never got good grades doesn't mean you're stupid, baka!

>i try my best to always show my true self whenever im outside!
See that's super cool Anon!! I really, really admire that! It would be so amazing if I went to your school and we met like that... I do like to observe other people and take notice of what they're like, so I'd probably suss out that you're a cool person pretty quickly! And I would definitely try to befriend you even though I'd be really anxious! Ah well I'm glad I met you on here at least.
I do try to show a bit of my true self IRL too, but I'm too scared to really let the mask slip usually...


Cont.

Cont.

>yeah!!! i love it
That really makes me happy that someone shares my dream like this! Thank you for being awesome Anon. But huh you have a fear of heights? A little unexpected... I am uneasy around high up places too but it's not to the point of being a phobia, and I like the view enough to where I still enjoy going on rooftops and whatnot.

>medieval times are my favourite
Nice! Good to know you like that too. Castles and stuff like that are great! I guess it makes sense you like Stronghold then hehe, it's got them strongholds after all. Berry medieval.

>rdr2!
Maybe I should play it one day!

>unboxing video of a questionable gaming mat
Heh I have quite a collection of those, like 10 or so I think. I'm really autistic about them, I spent years trying to find the perfect one, because I like very slippery mats and most have too much drag for me. Finally settled on a textured glass cutting board lole. That's what I'm using right now. It's really big and the mouse glides well on it if I spray some furniture polish on the cutting board first. It's really easy to clean as well which is nice. And it's glass so it'll never wear out!

>uhm, why is that
I... don't really know. I think it's just more awkward somehow than real life conversations. Or maybe it's because there'd be more time to think about how embarrassing something I said is, etc. because all you have to stare at is your screen. Though I guess if it's like we're playing a video game and voice chatting, then maybe it's not as bad because at least I could focus on the video game.

>sometimes i forget how to say certain words in italian
Me too... and it's always been kind of sad to me... I hate how English is sort of the default language now. I mean, it's nice because you can understand basically everything you would ever need if you just know English, but it's also kind of lame and boring. I wish there were more of a point to learning other languages still. I hope you don't forget Italian too much!