Thread 83051294

hi anon, are you feeling okay? good work for having it made this far! what have you been up to this week? what's your least favourite food?

>>83051294 (OP)
>are you feeling okay?
Life is good.
>what have you been up to this week?
I have a job. This week I went to work. Last week I went to work. Next week I'll go to work.
>what's your least favourite food?
Pic related. My Asian gf gave one to me and it was the only piece of food in like 3 years that I actually threw away into the trash because it was so unappetizing I couldn't finish.

>>83051294 (OP)
I'm feeling alright, haven't done as much as I'd like but I'd done a little bit of woodworking and retouching on research. In the mean time, a picture of some nematode sperm :)

>>83051294 (OP)
>are you feeling okay
I need to pee and I'm depressed. I woke up from a really nice dream and immediately started crying because fuck I'm awake
>What have you been up to
Bed rotting but I did force myself to go out yesterday and it was nice but I still felt sad
>Least favorite food
I'm not particularly picky, I don't like fatty foods, I'm a pretty lean person as a result

>>83051294 (OP)
>>83051352
Oh also, my least favorite food would be grits.

>>83051393
>my least favorite food would be grits.
Fucking loser shut the fuck up never say that again. Grits are delicious you've just never had good grits.

>>83051401
>implying there's such a thing as "good grits"
I'm sorry you've been deprived of human food all of your life, anon...

>>83051294 (OP)
>are you feeling okay
im tired and i dont even know why im tired. it doesnt seem to matter how much i sleep i still want more. its really bothering me
>what have you been up to this week?
i dont even remember. most of it i have slept away
>what's your least favourite food?
i really dislike coleslaw, it just grosses me out

>>83051294 (OP)
Anoooooon!!! Hi!!!!! I'm so relieved you made a thread today, finally things are back to the way they should be! It feels like it's been ages since we've had a proper chat. So many things have happened in the meantime, so many things to catch up on!

>are you feeling okay?
Now I am yes! Was feeling a bit tired and depressed in the morning because I was honestly not expecting a thread. Thank goodness you are feeling alright enough to make one at least! And hopefully talking to Anons will make you feel even better.

>good work for having it made this far
Thanksu! It was indeed hard work this week, so making it to the weekend (which I guess for me is Wednesday-Saturday) felt like an achievement. Tomorrow I have work again already though which suuuuuucks, I already dread it... and it means I won't be able to post in your thread much either (although maybe I should just use my phone unabashedly because that's what all my coworkers seem to do... one of them even just watches movies on his laptop in the corner. But I'm new so IDK if the same rules apply to me..)

>what have you been up to this week?
A lot of things! I don't even remember all of them. Sunday-Tuesday was work which is mostly just incredibly boring but Tuesday was at least a little interesting because one of the kids had a bad day. He was arguing with another kid for a while and eventually it blew up into them trying to throw things at each other, we had to get them to go in their rooms but one of the kids was still really upset so he started pounding on his window. So hard, in fact, that it cracked lole. I could hear it cracking from the other side of the door. He locked the door though so by the time we unlocked it, it was too late. He smashed it even more and instead of just a crack, half the window was completely gone. We had to physically restrain him at that point and he kept resisting and fighting us and he even bit me a couple times (I had marks on my arms for the rest of the day).

Cont.

>>83051545
>>83051294 (OP)
Cont.

The police were called and they handled it from there, they talked to him for like an hour. In the end he had to be taken home for the night because we couldn't let him sleep in his room due to the broken window. So yeah, that was... fun I guess. I mean, at least I wasn't yawning and nearly falling asleep the whole time. But the downside is that just before all that went down, when this kid was fighting the other one, I got a verbal warning from the manager that I should step in more to stop them and that they shouldn't even be talking to each other. And she said "This is your first and final warning" so uhm yeah... I don't know how I'm still not fired when things escalated so much right after she left. Or at least I still have my shift listed on Sunday so presumably I'm not fired, I dunno. Either way it feels like I'm on thin ice so I'm not sure how long I'll last here... 3 days is already longer than I expect though so I suppose I'm doing well.

The other stuff I had to do this week was to get datamined by the government because this job requires you to have your fingerprints taken and some other such stuff for safety purposes. I had to go to a place to get the fingerprints taken and that went pretty smoothly at least, they were very nice and explained everything well to me. Also had to fill out a paper where there were like 150 different crimes listed with a checkbox for each asking if you've ever been convicted of this crime, thankfully I didn't have to read through all of them because I've never been convicted of anything so I just put No for them all but it was a little anxiety-inducing filling that out anyways. And I had to get it notarized as well which I've never done before but that went smoothly as well, the lady that did it was also very nice.

Cont.

>>83051554
>>83051294 (OP)
Cont.

And then yesterday I had to go to a training for CPR and first aid and some other stuff, which lasted like 5 hours, and I felt kind of miserable there for some reason even though it wasn't that bad. It was also pretty boring and I feel like I learned nothing and the other people there were really loud and annoying and made it hard to pay attention to anything. Reminded me of school...

Hopefully that's it now and I don't have to do any more stuff like this, maybe I'll finally have a more normal week next week. Monday and Tuesday I'm at least not at work for the *whole* day, since it's only 8 hour shifts, so we might even be able to play something in the morning if you are in a decent mood.

>what's your least favourite food?
That's a surprisingly difficult question. Eggs? Or maybe pizza with sausage (I love other kinds of pizza though, don't worry)? Tacos? I dunno. You?

What have you been up to Anon? I assume nothing much since you came back, but I have loads of questions about the trip! I'll try to ask them over several posts though so it's not too much all at once. First of all I'm dumb and still confused on it but was the con in Lucca, not Genoa? I guess that's why it was a long train ride? How long did you spend there, the whole day? Did you see any cool people (not just cool cosplays) at the con, like people you'd want to become friends with and stuff? Did you talk to anyone other than your friend and their friends?

Sorries for the long post but there's just so much to say and ask!

the yappening

>>83051620
>Open thread with decent number of replies thinking it has some cool discussion going on
>It's one schizo talking himself
>Alternatively, it's 2-5 literal homosexuals chatting back and forth using anime girl images

>>83051660
>animes near you homosexually

>>83051660
Homosexuals are the only good posters on this board. They actually talk to each other.

>>83051294 (OP)
I wish I had the balls to tell my therapist everything. That I'm a psychotic and racist incel on the border of committing mass violence. But then if I did that they would commit me to an asylum and I wouldn't be able to take comfort in the one thing that makes me feel like I somewhat matter- the internet

>>83051327
>Next week I'll go to work
the grind never ends i suppose... good job still.
>unappetizing I couldn't finish
it sure does look like something disgusting. dont think i could eat much of it either. it looks like it's stuff with bug interiors or something.
>>83051352
very weird looking guy. what kind of woodworking have you been doing? building furniture or smaller things? i made a box to keep all my vinyls in out of wood and it was fun!
>grits
is it because of their texture?
>>83051384
>fuck I'm awak
i can relate. lately i kinda feel like crying all the time. though i never manage to so im always on the edge so to speak.
>force myself to go out
nice job! where did you go?
>don't like fatty foods
yeah neither do i. i guess i should eat them more though, my weight shouldn't be so low...
>>83051417
>how much i sleep i still want more
yeah it feels that way to me too. i've been trying the benzos my doctor gave me for the past few days but i still feel tired all the time anyway.
>coleslaw
really? i dont mind it personally. it does kinda look gross though. what if it's coleslaw made of ingredients you really like?
>>83051545
>one of them even just watches movies on his laptop in the corner
huh, well aint that a nice working environment. perhaps they'll promote you to movie watcher eventually.
>he even bit me a couple times
oh woah. the kids there really dont mess around i suppose. better than doing nothing all the time also... but yeah don't take what the manager says too seriously. a lot of the times when they threaten you that way (which is illegal, btw) they're just doing it to scare you.
>training for CPR
well that's a really useful thing at the very least. and besides, you can always learn it by yourself with videos on the internet. which you should do!
>eggs
they're so good though... best food overall when it comes to nutrition. me? i dont know honestly. i guess seafood in general is really gross.
>>83051686
tourists will never understand...

>>83051817
maybe you could say some of the truth. not all of it, perhaps try to omit the fact that you want to kill people and then they wont send you to an asylum, and give you some meds that help

>>83051871
Well it's not a guy, it's... What will make a guy B^). As far as woodworking I was doing some sawing on old lumber with a pruning saw. I'm proud of how accurate I was with it, despite how rusty it was. It's for the chicken coop though, some modifications to make it better.

Also got any tips on making a nice box? I do want to make my own plywood aquariums in the future so I could use every tip I can get.
>is it because of their texture?
Yeah. I'd rather have oatmeal with a bit of cinnamon instead if I was gonna eat something like it. How have you been though?

>>83051876
I refuse to take medicine because it makes me nothing more than a pill popping addict. It forces me to admit that the way I am is wrong

>>83051871
>yeah it feels that way to me too. i've been trying the benzos my doctor gave me for the past few days but i still feel tired all the time anyway.
i hope they help you soon. ive just been coping by madotsuki-ing. no meds in the past really worked for me when im like this.
>really? i dont mind it personally. it does kinda look gross though. what if it's coleslaw made of ingredients you really like?
i dont think i could ever like it, to be honest. theres no other food that disgusts me like it, its like the singular thing ill never eat if offered, idk if you have anything like that but its hard to overcome

>>83051899
>It's for the chicken coop though
oh, i see! it's getting upgraded, hmm. im sure the chickens will be excited. pruning saws look cool also. they're like mini scythes
>any tips on making a nice box?
dont build a circle i mean realistically there aren't many tips i can give... if you're nailing it together be sure to put enough nails on the corners and the bottom part otherwise it's gonna fall apart the second you put something in it. i speak from experience.
>oatmeal
i tried making porridge with that once and it came out so disgusting that i never ever bought oatmeals ever again
>How have you been though?
ghhghhhhghhhg. yeah...
>>83051922
>admit that the way I am is wrong
well not to burst your bubble anon but i do believe wanting to mass murder people isn't exactly the right mindset to have. and also the rest aren't wonderful qualities.
>>83051928
>hope they help you soon
i hope so too. have you tried them? if so, do they take a while to start working (like a few days since i started taking them) or should they work right after i take them?
>by madotsuki-ing
not too familiar with that term...
>theres no other food that disgusts me like it,
is it because of the texture or because of the taste? also the name itself does sound pretty gross now that i think about it.

>>83051871
>aint that a nice working environment
It is a pretty sweet gig if you think of it that way... I imagine the overnight shift is even more lax, since the kids are asleep so everyone probably just watches stuff on their phones/laptops.

>perhaps they'll promote you to movie watcher
I mean, there's another guy who is as new as me who also just sits on his phone the whole time... but he's more useful when he does do something, like he actually knows how to get the kids to do stuff they need to do, so I guess he's still more useful to the company than me.

>the kids there really dont mess around i suppose.
They seemed really nice at first and I think they are, but it does look like they're there for a reason... it was the first time I've seen such behavior from them but probably not the last, I wonder how often stuff like this is going to happen.

>(which is illegal, btw)
Huh, is it? I guess that's not too surprising because I'm pretty sure this company is doing a lot of other illegal things. It's also just weird how much of a nothing job it is, there's 4 people there for 3 kids so of course most of the time there's nothing to do, and it's basically just collecting NEETbux except you're technically employed. Makes me wonder why we are even here...

>that's a really useful thing at the very least.
If I remember it, maybe. I bet I'm gonna forget everything from that class pretty soon. But true, maybe I should give myself refreshers occasionally by looking up videos on the Internet.

>best food overall when it comes to nutrition.
If you ignore the cholesterol, I suppose so... But the texture is so weird and yucky. Seafood is a common choice I suppose, a lot of it is pretty gross. Though it's also generally good nutrition-wise!

And uhm you ignored the most important part of my post... I want to know more about your trip Anonny! The rest of it was whatevs, you could've ignored it... Do you not want to talk about your trip for some reason? I hope not...

>>83052101
Only one chicken remains now, the remaining ones I had before died of old age :'(. They're nice saws for cutting through palm fronds and branches too, so it's quite fitting to see them as a scythe. I have one on a pole too, but it's pointing straight up and not horizontally.

Also, I see. I definitely need more tools too if I aim to ever make a plywood aquarium though. Also yeah, oatmeal can also be quite gross it's why I don't really eat it or grits B^).
>ghhghhhhghhhg. yeah...
Some medicine, the best medicine, ought to help. Laughter is the best medicine after all :). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE081eJBY8I

>>83051294 (OP)
Hu Taonon and all the other anons ITT, have you guys ever felt... zealous?

>>83052101
>have you tried them?
i took alprazolam at some point as a kid apparently but i dont remember it
>if so, do they take a while to start working
i apparently felt it working quickly, if my parents are right
>not too familiar with that term...
like oversleeping, like madotsuki from yume nikki
>is it because of the texture or because of the taste? also the name itself does sound pretty gross now that i think about it.
its both, but the texture is especially offensive to me

>>83051294 (OP)
It's gonna be a busy day but I can say I'm feeling quite good, in good shape for such a day, ready for the life to some degree, and it's good cuz tomorrow I will prepare some good food while i'm high as shit cuz i'ma fucking addict I love you OP

>>83051294 (OP)
>hi anon, are you feeling okay?
Sorta annoyed mostly.
>what have you been up to this week?
nothin' really. Sorta rotting.
>what's your least favourite food?
tomatoes and stuff. A lot of things really.

Also nice to see you again.

>>83052109
>the overnight shift
oh, there's a night shift too? do you think you could do that?
>there's another guy who is as new as me
then, you could ask him to give you some tips or something. you know bond on the fact that you're both new i suppose. if you can try to talk with him
>it does look like they're there for a reason
do they ever give you the background details for each kid? and why they're there?
>Huh, is it?
threatening an employee with dismissal is indeed a criminal offense here. i dunno about burgerland though. well anyway i hope you dont get fired, it aint everyday you find a job that gives you money for doing nothing.
>it's also generally good nutrition-wise
hmmm, i guess so, but it's also a lot more wasteful than something like eggs. like, it takes more resources to produce the same amount of nutrients with seafood, than it does with eggs or veggies and such.
>Do you not want to talk about your trip
i don't want to talk about myself. i don't want these threads to turn into a blogpost. im here for the other anons not to talk about my life
>>83052183
>spoiler
oh... they will be missed... are you going to get new chickens then?
>a pole
wait, so you basically have a spear?? the trees stand no chance.
>if I aim to ever make a plywood aquarium
yeah, and also get very thick plywood i'd say. water is going to weaken it and if you make it really big then the pressure it creates might break the plywood eventually. though im sure you're more knowledgeable about this stuff than i am
>video
lmao. that guy in the back got his ass handed to him. speaking of laughter i've been watching some comedical sketches by popular italian comedians and they do really help with my mood. do you ever watch stuff like that?
>>83052220
>you guys ever felt... zealous?
not really no. at least i can't remember if i did. i've always lacked passion in my life sadly. i wish i could feel that way though.

>>83052101
>well not to burst your bubble anon
I can't change who I am because if I do, I admit I'm inherently, intrinsically wrong. Down to the neurochemistry. And if that is the case, why would God make me like this? And if God didn't make me, then we live in a mechanistic material universe and nothing matters anyway so why not just take a shotgun and shoot up a school or Walmart or church? All it would take is just one fucking woman to have sex with me willingly ONCE so I can feel for some brief moment that I mattered physically, but that can't happen and so I stay on the Internet and feed into this loop. Because I can't get interaction anywhere else due to being a truecel

>>83052229
>felt it working quickly
ah, i see. then it's just a me problem i guess. perhaps i should start taking higher dosages.
>oversleeping
humu, i see. i never played yume nikki so im not too familiar with what goes on in the game. how is it? should i play it?
>>83052239
i hope this very busy day goes all right then! nice to see you so pimped anon. have fun tomorrow with cooking! do you already know what you'll be making?
>>83052311
>Sorta annoyed
hm, by something in particular?
>Sorta rotting
twinsies! perhaps next week ill leave my house. surely.
>tomatoes
tomators? what did they ever do to you... are you a picky eater anon? do you usually always eat the same foods?
>nice to see you again
nice to see you too! i remember you mentioned you had to check out a job you liked a few weeks ago, but i might be wrong. if im not, how did it go?
>>83052362
>why not just take a shotgun and shoot up a school
wouldnt that just prove that everyone was right about you? that you are a crazy person that needs to be put into an asylum? also, admitting there is somethng wrong with you is the first step to healing. it's not a bad thing. everyone is different and some people are born with more issues than others. there is no reason to get angry at the world for it because it just doesn't care. all you can do is try to fix the problems. also, if you really think sex would solve everything then just get a hooker or something.

>>83051294 (OP)
>hi anon, are you feeling okay?
I'm barely above being at the rock bottom
I'd try to get lower to clear my mind out, but I've yet to recover from accidental psychotic selfharm.

I'm not feeling any of this. It's been months of this garbage

>>83052375
>ah, i see. then it's just a me problem i guess. perhaps i should start taking higher dosages.
maybe, idk be careful with benzos they are scary
>humu, i see. i never played yume nikki so im not too familiar with what goes on in the game. how is it? should i play it?
its an old indie rpgmaker game about a girl exploring weird and sometimes abstract dream worlds while staying isolated in her room. i would recommend it if youve ever locked yourself away for a long time and want a relatable experience

>>83052360
>i've always lacked passion in my life sadly
bad bad not good

>>83052375
>admitting there is somethng wrong with you is the first step to healing. it's not a bad thing.
It is, it is the ultimate humiliation. To kneel before some Jeet or Jew with a fake doctorate and have them tell me that I'm wrong and need to become little more than a disgusting fucking drug addict- to be chemically made to behave. Like a fucking animal.

>there is no reason to get angry at the world for it because it just doesn't care.
That is the most moral reason to being angry at society. For not caring about it's participants and when they point this out or react to it appropriately, you're suddenly the bad person.
>also, if you really think sex would solve everything then just get a hooker or something.
I can't do that because I live in a fucking JudeoChristian hellscape where pornography is perfectly legal, strip clips are legal, and rape is legal (if you're brown enough) but if you DARE to pay for a hooker you're arrested and thrown in jail where you'll end up in the sexual offenders ward and get stabbed and raped to death by niggers who think you're a pedophile

>>83052375
>hm, by something in particular?
mostly that things are sorta the same i guess.
>perhaps next week ill leave my house. surely.
oh haha i really have to. There are three appointments (one of which i might cancel or push into the future) but yeah. And a couple of other things also..
>if im not, how did it go?
you are right but that did not happen yet. The interview for it is next week, of which HR were naturally very confused about. Even if nothing happens in that direction and the other test result comes back negative I'll still probably get my prescription changed to something a couple of decades newer next week also which is nice i guess. How is it on your end? No effect with the meds so far from how i am understanding?

>>83052511
>are you a picky eater anon? do you usually always eat the same foods?
yeah and yeah albeit that my favorite foods are on a sort of rotation.

>>83052360
Yeah, the plan is to raise up some new chicks and I want to hand-feed them like I did with the last chicks. They got so friendly from that :).
>a spear
More like... A special needs scythe B^^^). I have cut down a few trees with a regular pruning saw before though, for my grandpa. The grapefruit tree was a pain but the palm tree wasn't so much. As for the plywood aquarium they do have special epoxies that are water-tight for pond usage, I was gonna use those(and that's what everyone else uses when they don't use fibre glass). Should help out a lot.

I haven't really watched any comedy sketches in a long time but I will watch meme compilations sometimes. And then I steal some of those videos to post later as 'medicine' >B^).

>>83052360
>oh, there's a night shift too?
Yeah! The kids can't be left alone at any point, so there has to always be someone at the house. I could probably do it but I think it can only be in addition to my current schedule, not instead of it, because they need the day shifts covered. So I'd rather not, I think I spend enough time there as it is...

>you could ask him to give you some tips or something
I would love to do that! If I could... Well I mean I can it's just hard for me. This is why I struggle so much with this job, there's so many things I need help with but I can never bring myself to ask for it so I just sit there and hope things work out on their own or awkwardly try to figure stuff out myself and hope someone notices and offers help. Like, I was supposed to clean the laundry room one day, but I was too embarrassed to get up and walk there and start doing it because the others might see it and wonder where I'm going so I just never did it... I hate it because I'm sure the others all think I'm just really lazy and prefer sitting on the couch and staring off into space even though it's not true, I'd love to do more hands-on stuff like cleaning, I just can't find the right timing to start it so it doesn't feel awkward...

On my first day there was at least a really cool coworker there who reminded me of you a little, she wore sorta punkish stuff and had a rebellious sort of vibe to her. She directed everyone a lot more and offered help with everything so it was a lot easier. But sadly I don't think she's a regular there, she normally works at a different group home.

>background details for each kid?
Yes, they have a whole file on them with basically everything you would ever want to know and more. I have read through some of it but it feels really creepy to do that, there's way too much personal stuff in there... I think it's better to only read the stuff that's strictly relevant to the job, I just don't feel comfortable knowing the rest.

Cont.

>>83052544
>>83052360
Cont.

>dunno about burgerland
Wouldn't be surprised if it's legal here. Employment here is also "at-will", meaning you can be dismissed with absolutely any reason, like if the employer doesn't like you personally they have the right to just fire you as far as I understand.

>it aint everyday you find a job that gives you money for doing nothing.
Indeed... though I think a lot of the jobs in this line of work are like that, especially the night shifts. It's just especially so here.

>it takes more resources to produce the same amount of nutrients with seafood
True, seafood is in general not great to eat for the environment I think, we are overfishing a lot of species. But eggs are still probably not the best in this regard, something like potatoes might be. I think they have pretty much all the nutrients you ever need, so you can survive exclusively off them for years (as long as you don't clean them too well I guess, because I think the dirt on them is supposed to have some vitamin B12 which they wouldn't otherwise contain). The Irish basically survived a famine thanks to potatoes I think. They are also very filling similar to eggs, so a good diet food (assuming you don't slather tons of butter on them).

>i don't want these threads to turn into a blogpost.
Right, sorry Anon, you have mentioned that before but I didn't think of it. That's really a shame though, I've been waiting all week to ask you about your trip... I guess we can talk about it later at some point but it's awkward to ask stuff like that on Steam chat because it feels like an interrogation then. That's why I was waiting for a thread... oh well, I understand the reason now at least, thanks for explaining it.

>>83052379
>barely above being at the rock bottom
above ground is better than below i suppose
>accidental psychotic selfharm
oh, what happened if i may ask? do you want to talk about it? i hope it passes soon anon
>>83052403
>they are scary
really? how so?
>if youve ever locked yourself away for a long time
that i have. i suppose i'll give it a try then, old games like that are always hidden gems. and i love pixelated graphics.
>>83052445
i know, i've been trying to find it for so long but it's really hard. it's hidden deep inside me and it's difficult to see it
>>83052496
i dont disagree on the fact that drugs are shit and most likely a psyop to make people worse, but realistically i'd say if i had to choose between those or shooting up a school id go with the drugs. also, there's always the option to an hero too. which i don't rule out.
>most moral reason to being angry
anger will do nothing good to you, or anyone else. you can go on and commit a terrorist attack, 2 days later everything will just go back to normal, the only that will change is your life. for the worse.
>I can't do that
since when laws are a concern to you considering you're planning a mass murder?
>>83052511
>mostly that things are sorta the same
understandable. they'll change soon though! just keep enduring
>three appointments
oh wow. hopefully they dont end up being too stressful. what are the other things?
>something a couple of decades newer
hmm, that seems nice! i hope it'll help you better. and yeah, my meds didn't do much. i guess i fall asleep slightly faster, but i still wake up tired and it's all the same.
>a sort of rotation
like a seasonal menu! what's your menu now?
>>83052536
>I want to hand-feed them
very wholesome desu. i hope you can get them soon! are they going to have funny names?
>cut down a few trees
woah, that must've been exhausting. have you ever used a chainsaw? i have! it was fun. and also surprisingly difficult.

>>83052536
>are water-tight for pond usage
i see! but also, wouldn't making the acquarium out of just plywood really dark? like, the fishes are always gonna be in darkness if there's no glass for the light to come through. and how are you going to watch them do fishy things?
>I will watch meme compilations
weird to think in the future those might be considered comedy sketches...
>>83052544
>I just can't find the right timing to start it
never wait for the right moment to do something anon, it will never come. the second you're told to do something just do it! i know it sounds like cheap advice and i've probably said it before, but thinking about what you'll have to do will only give you anxiety. if instead you put all of you strength in just getting up and doing it mindlessly it'll be easier.
>a really cool coworker there
that's niceu. hopefully you get to see them again! try your best to talk with them if you do. and with your regular coworkers too
>you can be dismissed with absolutely any reason
oh, i see., that sucks. that's also not a thing here thankfully.
>something like potatoes might be
that is also true yeah! potatoes are great. they're my favourite plant thing to eat. thank you americans for inventing potatoes.
>to ask you about your trip
i mean there just isn't much to say. i've talked about it in other threads. i went to the con, it was fun but it was also sad, i saw some cool stuff and i was really tired. i don't think anything incredibly important happened. besides, i can't even remember half the things i've done because of my stupid brain.

>>83052636
>really? how so?
bad side effects and interactions with other drugs mainly. i blame them partially for not having many memories around the time i took them
>that i have. i suppose i'll give it a try then, old games like that are always hidden gems. and i love pixelated graphics
i hope you enjoy it anon, i found a lot of comfort in it and its fan game spiritual successor 2kki

>>83052636
>they'll change soon though! just keep enduring
Will do. Everything will be fine. The same goes for you anon, don't forget that.
>what are the other things?
Im just as confused as you are to be honest. Im a sort of driving aid to far away places i guess????
>>83052636
>. i guess i fall asleep slightly faster, but i still wake up tired and it's all the same.
thats already a good sign. It takes a bit to settle on a dosage that works. Or maybe you even need to switch meds like i do. You work this out in due time. Im just still confused about how quick they were to give them to you in the first place.
>what's your menu now?
Dunno. im looking for the next thing to obsess over right now. Really don't know.

>>83052636
It was pretty cute feeding my ol' chicks too. I named the last ones after food, but I feel like that's more dark than silly so I might have to avoid doing that again B^). It was exhausting before too, with the pruning saw. I have used a chainsaw as well, it's much, much easier. It was nice and fun too, did you learn the trick about moving up and down?
>>83052640
You can include glass panels too and I have some of those as well! That said, I do have some all dark aquariums in mind >B^). One of my near-future projects will actually require no light enter it, but it has some experiments in mind too.
>weird to think in the future those might be considered comedy sketches...
We are "cooked" as a species, "senpai fr fr". It is a dark future for mankind.

>>83052636
.also, there's always the option to an hero too. which i don't rule out.
I figured the police would handle that for me. You know, the "last stand" fantasy and all that
>the only that will change is your life. for the worse.
How can my life be any worse than it already is?
>since when laws are a concern to you considering you're planning a mass murder?
I can't do that if I'm in jail, Hutaoanon.

>>83052640
>never wait for the right moment to do something anon, it will never come.
It does sometimes though! Like when I was with that cool coworker, she started us off on doing the cleaning closer to the end of the shift, and said that's apparently when they usually do it. But there's no exact time when to start it so it's not that helpful when she isn't there...

>the second you're told to do something just do it!
I would if I was told to do things! That's the issue, we aren't told anything, we just have a list of things that need to get done by the end of the shift on the app thing where we have our schedule, and there's no direction otherwise. It's way too flexible and I hate it... I need more structure...

>try your best to talk with them if you do.
That's hard... I can talk to them okay if they talk to me first, but I have trouble initiating. I just don't know how or when to start a conversation. Also then it would feel even more embarrassing if we didn't have anything to talk about, which we probably won't. Also also I don't want to talk about myself but they'd probably ask me questions about me and then I'd have to reveal my embarrassing lack of a life to them... yeah, as you can see I am riddled with anxieties. The cool coworker initiated more so she was easier to talk to. I wonder if you were like her at your jobs. Did you help new coworkers out like that and essentially do the employer's job of training them a little, showing them the ropes? I wish I could work with you Anon... that would be so much fun, we could spend so much time together while getting paid for it... Yet another thing industrial society took away from us, I bet it used to be really common for friends to work together in the olden times.

>that's also not a thing here thankfully.
I'm not surprised you guys have more humane laws, it seems to be a trend... get me out of here.

Cont.

>>83052844
>>83052640
Cont.

>they're my favourite plant thing to eat.
I'm glad you like taters! They really are one of the best plant foods. My favorite way to eat them is mashed though, which I think you said you don't like. What's your favorite way to consume them? Also you're welcome, they definitely couldn't have been invented without me! *insert taoproud.png here*

>i mean there just isn't much to say.
Well I still wanted to ask some stuff and in general I feel like I need more closure on it since I basically missed the latter half of your experience with it due to this stupid job! I don't know, it just feels weird not to talk a bit more about it and sort of wrap it up as a thing that happened in my brain.

>i've talked about it in other threads.
The only one I saw was the uninteresting talking thread... Did you make any others? If so pleeeeeaseeeee link them!!!! I must have missed a lot because I wasn't checking 4chan at all for basically 3 days. And I also just lost a lot of tabs from the last few days because I had to restart my PC, aughhhh so many taoposts gone forever... I swear I hate missing out so much ugh I don't know why it bothers me when it's not even anything interesting but still I love seeing every one of your posts no matter how short!

>i don't think anything incredibly important happened.
Well sure but it was still a pretty big thing in general. It was enough of a high for you that it thrust you into a low for a few days. It's a big deal!

>i can't even remember half the things i've done
That suuucks... I really wish I didn't have that stupid job on those days, urgh.

>>83052726
>bad side effects
ah, i see. well i already forget everything anyway so i dont really care about that specifically. for now they're the only pill i take so i should be fine...
>its fan game spiritual successor 2kki
oh, that too. do you often play rpg maker games?
>>83052733
>The same goes for you
surely...
>driving aid to far away places
are you some kind of chauffeur anon? do you like driving people around?
>how quick they were to give them to you
yeah im a bit weirded out by it too. i basically just told my doctor i have a lot of trouble sleeping and he said "okay here you go". i shouldn't complain i guess... i still have to call the therapist he suggested me.
>the next thing to obsess over right now
humu, lemme know what it is when you find it!
>>83052760
>I named the last ones after food
well at least they didnt end up becoming it...
>did you learn the trick about moving up and down?
hmm, i mostly just tried to press down on the piece of wood i was trying to cut. though the guy that gave me it swiftly took it away...
>have some of those as well
hmm i guess that makes sense! seems arduous to build but you'll manage.
>require no light enter it
are you going to make an acquarium for deep sea fishes?
>We are "cooked" as a species
it might just be over...
>>83052782
>You know, the "last stand" fantasy
it's not a fantasy, it's insanity. stop glorifying stuff like that.
>how can my life be any worse
like you said, you could be getting raped in jail. also, i find it really hard to believe the police gives that much of a shit about people who use hookers. i doubt you'll end up in jail if you do.
>>83052844
>just have a list of things that need to get done
well that's handy at least.
>as you can see I am riddled with anxieties
well that's okay. everything is still very new so you just need time to adjust. i haven't really taught anything to anyone honestly. im bad at most of the things i do

>>83052852
>What's your favorite way to consume them?
probably chips or something to that extent i'd say. but i like them in all shapes and sizes
>like I need more closure
i mean it's like you've lived it... why do you even care?
>Did you make any others?
i dunno, maybe. i dont keep track of the posts i make most of the time. my posts really aren't that important
>enough of a high for you that it thrust you into a low
it's nothing new. it always happens.

>>83052636
>oh, what happened if i may ask? do you want to talk about it?
some essential basic metabolic processes are temporarily extremely painful
>i hope it passes soon anon
2 more days in my experience, but at least it's bearable enough while biting my clothes, right now I don't get mindbreaking panic attacks thinking I fucked up for good this time. maybe I should just do intentional cutting if it will help to stave away the unintentional hell I absolutely don't want and can't predict. it's so stupid

>>83053308
>ah, i see. well i already forget everything anyway so i dont really care about that specifically. for now they're the only pill i take so i should be fine...
mmm ok, still be careful
>oh, that too. do you often play rpg maker games?
not really. i guess i played oneshot and undertale if those count? both of those arent as comforting as yume nikki/2kki for me tho.

>>83053308
>surely...
Without a doubt! Everything will be better! Yes, for you as well!
>do you like driving people around?
I don't drive, i don't even have a divers license. I just sit in the passengers seat and uhh do something i think. Im sorta weirded out that some people need second opinions on how to drive properly.. much less from somebody that knows even less
>i still have to call the therapist he suggested me.
this stuff is annoying but i really wouldn't sleep on this https://youtu.be/6oT0ZDF7I-E
keep the momentum up and you will have it all behind you soon. Once things get delayed or slowed down they take exponentially longer. Ask me how i know.

gotta go soon. If i don't reply then you know. I wish everybody a nice thread and a good night in advance.

>>83053308
Well, some did to a predator that kept breaking in -- unfortunately. The rest got to live to a nice, old age(for a hen) though. Also yeah, what you wanna do is this kind of rocking motion. You basically want the chainsaw to go through the thinnest part of the wood so by tilting it up and down you keep cutting through the thin part that you make. See my wonderful diagram :)

All of the best things to build must also be the hardest too, God wants us to suffer B'^). Also not deep sea fishies, but more like cave shrimpies :). In the dark their antennae will help them find their way.
>it might just be over...
So joever... fr fr no cap

>>83053308
>well that's handy at least.
I-I suppose... I'd rather they tell me when to do stuff though.

>everything is still very new so you just need time to adjust.
You think so? I have definitely gotten adjusted to some things, like taking the bus. I don't feel super anxious about missing my stop anymore, even when going to places I've never been to before. So that's nice. But other things, I don't seem to have less anxiety about no matter how much I do them... like talking to people, or even as much as getting up to do something when others are watching. Maybe it just takes longer for those things...

>i haven't really taught anything to anyone honestly. im bad at most of the things i do
Hm I see... I thought you did since you helped other students in the kitchen that one time in cooking class. I guess that's not a super common thing for you... but you do like helping people at least, I'm pretty sure of that! Did you get scolded a lot by management at the jobs you had? Did you ever get fired or did you leave yourself every time? Surely you were at least decent at that factory job, I don't imagine it was too hard to get good at making cardboard boxes or whatever you were manufacturing.

>>83053316
>chips
That's cheating!! But heh I love chips too of course, I try not to eat them these days though just because they're supposed to be pretty unhealthy. Most forms of potato are indeed pretty good, though fries are something I never liked that much, they are only edible if you eat them with a lot of ketchup.

>i mean it's like you've lived it...
I have, vicariously, through you! That one day when you were on the train there was really cool, that was such a nice experience for me, it really felt like we were going somewhere together! I really wanted that to continue but alas this stupid job had to take it away from me..

Cont.

>>83053495
>>83053316
Cont.

>why do you even care?
I don't know Anon, I just want to know everything about you, even the small and unimportant things! And this was a pretty big thing by comparison. I wanna know what those days were like for you, in detail! I want to be able to imagine it and daydream about doing it together with you! Does it bother you that I want to know? Do you think I'm being nosy? I'll stop if so! And again as I said I won't do it here since you don't want this to be a blogpost, I'm just saying for the future. Also I know it's kind of boring to talk about yourself, I don't like doing it too much either, but this is such a rare thing that you go on a trip like this... I can't get over missing out on it...

>my posts really aren't that important
To you! But they are important to me! Sorry I don't know am I being weird again? Am I too clingy? I guess so... but jeez it just really sucks to miss out on them so much urgh. Can you at least tell me if you made any threads before that Wednesday one? You have them in your 4chanX thing, don't you?

>it's nothing new. it always happens.
Was it like this when you went to that NYE party too? I suppose it makes sense, I'm not surprised by it and was kind of expecting it. But what I mean is that the high must have been quite high for it to cause you to feel like that afterwards, so how can you say it wasn't an important experience? You don't get to feel such highs very often, surely. Neither do I, my life is even more devoid of highs and lows than yours, it's basically just a flat line... and I kind of hate it, though obviously I also like it to some degree since I try so hard to avoid the lows that I also avoid the highs as a side effect.

>>83053432
>keep the momentum up and you will have it all behind you soon
the doctor stuff i mean. I wish everything else was as simple as that to solve. But that is still a step towards solving other issues and you know if the meds actually get to a point where they work, then why not and why delay that?

i reallly wish i had some alcohol in the house now. im tired of being sober

>>83053321
>essential basic metabolic processes are temporarily extremely painful
oh, well that sucks. hopefully they wont be that way for long?
>2 more days in my experience
hm i see. im sure you can survive them! try your best to not bite yourself to death
>>83053359
>played oneshot and undertale
yeah those count i suppose. i played them too and liked them a lot
>>83053432
>Without a doubt!
i wish i could have your positivity anon. each day that passes simply convinces me more that all i have left to do is die.
>I just sit in the passengers seat and uhh do something
huh, that's interesting. you're like the moral support or something!
>i really wouldn't sleep on this
it's going to be hard not to sleep considering the jokes you're making. but yeah, i dont particularly want to call them because i already know i can't afford it. i could lie and tell my doctor i called but what if then he calls the therapist and asks if i called? bleh.
>If i don't reply then you know
okay, thank you for stopping by today anon!
>why delay that?
mostly just fear of bad consequences
>>83053482
oh, that's awful... i wouldn't want to wake up in the morning and see chicken parts around my coop.
>diagram
very insightful! thank you anon. will make sure to put this knowledge to use if i ever get my hands on a chainsaw again.
>cave shrimpies
oh i see! or i dont, considering how dark it is. you could put some cameras or something in the aquarium to spy on the shrimps too
>>83053495
>it just takes longer for those things
it does, the more something is hard to do for you and the more time it's going to take for you to get used to it or do it. it's only natural!
>I thought you did
well i do whenever someone is worse at me at doing something. which is rarely the case.
>you get scolded a lot
meh somewhat. i always did the less amount of work possible. i left the first time and got fired the second

>>83053495
>felt like we were going somewhere together
huh, really? i never felt that way whenever others send me pictures of where they are or what they're doing.
>Does it bother you that I want to know?
not really, im just confused and trying to pick your brain apart and understand why you're so interested in me
>if you made any threads
i haven't
>Was it like this when you went to that NYE party too?
yes. and every other time i do something that makes me happy for a while. i dont know, i jsut dont feel like it's that important. but alas i feel that way towards everything.

>>83053717
Well I never saw parts, just lots of feathers and damage to the enclosure and elsewhere. Also I'm glad my diagram helped B^). The idea is that you're basically scraping the top of a wedge that you're forming from one end of the cut to the other, if that helps also.

I would definitely be spying on them too, but cameras are a bit out of my budget B'^). I'd just make little holes that I cover up when I'm not looking in there with a flashlight. I imagine they won't like the light though, but if the original shrimpies that I add in don't care about light and aren't very fearful then I should be able to spot them whenever I do peek in(but I might still scare them, which would be a prawnble...)

I'm gonna go walk my dog and get ready for bed though. Have a good night, fren.

>>83053717
>i wish i could have your positivity anon
Its all inspired by you believe it or not. Dont forget who is making these threads!
>jokes
Jokes as in multiple? The only one i wanted to make is oversleeping and coming too late to a appointment cuz of sleeping meds. Did i say something weird or is it just the sperg in me misunderstanding? Im sorry if its the first option.
>i could lie and tell my doctor
Why lie? Cant you ask them for someone that better fits your budget or insurance?
>okay, thank you for stopping by today anon!
Just remembered that I have a phone. Now the issue is how long I will be able to type if it gets colder.
>mostly just fear of bad consequences
What do you fear about them? They are usually kind and at most you'd loose like an hour talking with them if you are really into it.

>>83053828
>Well I never saw parts
oh, well that's probably for the best...
>you're basically scraping the top of a wedge
hmm, very useful indeed! my murd- uhh cutting plans will definetly come to fruition!
>I'd just make little holes
yeah that makes sense. you're going to make the shrimps paranoid though... you literally live in their walls... poor shrimps.
have a nice walk anon! and a good night. thanks for talking with me
>>83054098
>inspired by you
ah... really? well im glad! i feel like a hypocrite though. i can't even follow my own advice most of the time.
>jokes as in multiple
naw, just the one you made before. and im joking too also, don't overthink it anone. you made me giggle
>Why lie?
well if i tell them i didn't call them they might just tell me to do it. i could ask them for a free one i suppose. they suggested me this one because they said free ones are awful.
>What do you fear about them?
other than just my social anxiety? i fear they might just make me worse. maybe they'll force me to talk about stuff i dont want to talk about and somehow make past traumas resurface. which i suppose is kind of the point, but i really don't need even more mental stress right now.

in fact i am drinking some shitty wine i found to avoid it as we speak! ha ha. kill me.

>>83053717
>it's only natural!
That does make sense! I just hope it's not a different sort of problem, I do think some things you just don't get used to no matter how long you do them. But maybe those are pretty rare. I wish I could tell what even prevents me from doing these things, I don't think it's anxiety though it feels more like it's embarrassment or shame, and I'm not sure if those get better with time that much.

>rarely the case
Really? Why do you think you're so bad at doing things? Is it because of your inattention? I'm usually really bad at doing things at first because I'm a very slow learner, but I get better eventually. Most of the time anyway. I'm so bad at new games because of this... You on the other hand I'm guessing are a quick learner, but maybe you plateau quickly as well?

>always did the less amount of work
Huh, I guess that makes sense for a former NEET but I for some reason expected you to be a hard worker heh. I guess because you put a lot of effort into your replies. I assume you just hate doing work for some boss you don't care for who is just exploiting you for cheap labor? I reckon you'd be a hard worker if it was something like a friend's business or what have you.

>fired the second
Mind telling the story, if it's not too painful? Why did you get fired?

>>83053728
>really?
Kinda! I mean it's not like it was literally the same as actually being there with you, but I did daydream about it enough to where it felt somewhat real on an emotional level at least. I mean I did nothing else than talk to you and pace around the room daydreaming for like 4 hours there, so I really got into it.

>i never felt that way
Well if it's just one or two pictures I don't think it would work on me either. The talking is more what did it anyway I think. Also you're probably too distracted to really get into it, if you're like thinking about other stuff then it probably won't work (and I know your brain has like a million thoughts per second so yeah...)

>>83054331
>>83053728
Cont.

Me, I'm awful at multitasking so if I'm doing one thing, I'm doing that thing only, and that helps get invested in stuff like this I suppose.

>im just confused and trying to pick your brain apart
Ah okay! Feel free to pick my brain apart then hehe. I can lay it out for you on the platter nice and flat!! I was just worried I was being a bit too clingy cause I reaaaaly wanted to talk to you today!

>i haven't
Okay, I guess it's not too bad then, I would have really hated to miss one of those.

>and every other time i do something that makes me happy for a while.
It does seem to work that way... really sucks. Hmm I guess that's why I naturally try to avoid highs and lows, isn't it. For the longest time, I thought it was better to just live a gray and boring life, because then at least you avoid the lows. But now I think you've convinced me a bit to try to change that and experience more highs, even if it means more lows as well. It's painful, but I guess that's how you get a "fuller" life.

>i jsut dont feel like it's that important. but alas i feel that way towards everything.
Well, makes sense, you think everything about you is unimportant, pretty much... which saddens me. Everything about you is so very important Anon! I wish you could see it that way. But I can't blame you too much, it's hard to see yourself like that. I struggle with it too, I think if I went on a trip like that it would be less meaningful to me than watching you go on one, funnily enough. I thought getting this job would be an important thing for me, I mean it's breaking a 10 year streak of NEETing if nothing else, but it kind of came and went and I didn't feel anything either, not even that much anxiety... It's all just kind of whatever. But it's a lot easier to get excited when something important happens in someone else's life!

>>83054230
>can't even follow my own advice most of the time.
Don't feel bad. Just try your best. I doubt that most sports trainers could pull off the same moves they are teaching so think of it that way.
>i could ask them for a free one i suppose. they suggested me this one because they said free ones are awful.
But it's still better than none right? No matter how good the paid ones are it won't just make the money you need materialize out of thin air and the doctor knows that. Maybe the doctor is just full of it and needs to be reminded that people are not infinite money wells.
>maybe they'll force me to talk about stuff i dont want to talk about and somehow make past traumas resurface
They don't force you to say anything. You only talk about what you want and they take boundaries very seriously. You are there to get help and not to be interrogated. There is really no reason to be scared. I hate social stuff too but I can still confirm this.
>in fact i am drinking some shitty wine i found to avoid it as we speak!
Lol, same. Typing on a phone will be a challenge. I wish there were something better to do sigh. I wish we can all feel better soon. Gn nonny. I dunno if I can phonepost while drinking.

avatarfag tea party thread, kill yourself pronto

>>83054623
Avatarfags carry r9k

what the fuck is this thread even about

>>83054331
>Is it because of your inattention?
mostly, yeah. but also because i lack the motivation to get better at things
>maybe you plateau quickly as well?
i suppose. maybe im average at a lot of things but never good at anything
>>83054331
>expected you to be a hard worker
i am if im working on something i believe in or like
>Why did you get fired?
they just had too many employees and couldnt pay them all so they cut oof the dead weight
>you're like thinking about other stuff then it probably won't work
i suppose. maybe i just dont have a big enough imagination for it in general
>Feel free to pick my brain apart
well im trying... it's not easy to understand honestly...
>change that and experience more highs
im glad to hear that anone! pain is indeed a main thing about life and we have to experience it no matter what anyway...
>all just kind of whatever.
that's depression for you i suppose. makes everything seem unimportant
>>83054588
>think of it that way
i suppose ill try. i tend to be way too harsh on myself and i can't really help it
>still better than none right?
maybe? it could make things worse like i said. these people play with your feelings pretty much and i dont trust them at all.
>and not to be interrogated
that's how it feels to me though. and i think they are going to interrogate me if i mention that i want to die and everything.
>I wish there were something better to do sigh
yeah me too... what can you do. that wine sucked. im never drinking it again. good night anone!
>>83055447
anything you want to talk about!

>>83052375
>do you already know what you'll be making?
Yep, as the day has gone by and I've got my shit done I came to the conclusion that. I want some good spaghetti. I barely eat any type of noodles so it will be good and prolly fun

>>83055559
Waow, almost quints!

>also because i lack the motivation to get better at things
Don't you find it satisfying to be good at things? Like playing guitar, I imagine it's a lot more fun for you now than when you first started out. I guess it's not like that for all things, but generally, it feels nice to get better at something, so the motivation should be pretty intrinsic.

>maybe im average at a lot of things but never good at anything
Well that's not bad if so, generally I would say it's more useful to be a jack of all trades than to have just one thing you're good at and being awful at everything else. Even if you can make that one thing into your job, you still have other areas of life where you're gonna suck at everything. Also, I was just thinking about what I'm good at, and I think one of those few things would be languages. And I realized, you're good at them too aren't you Anon? Your English is really good and you improved so quickly at it. So I think you might have a bit of a talent for language learning.

>i am if im working on something i believe in or like
I see, just what I thought! If you just had a good enough reason to try, you'd be very diligent I'm sure. And that's quite a nice trait to have I think. Being hardworking is important in life! I guess I'm kind of the same way too, but there just aren't very many things I believe in I suppose. I wish it would be easier to find something that would give me the drive to achieve things...

>they just had too many employees
Ah well that's a boring reason I suppose. Still, it's better than getting fired because you screwed something up! You can't be that bad at things if you didn't get fired for a mess you made over the span of two whole jobs. I am starting to really doubt that I could pull something like that off...

Cont.

>>83055872
>>83055559
Cont.

>maybe i just dont have a big enough imagination for it in general
Right, that could be it too. I dunno if it's a good thing or a bad thing you don't have a super good imagination... on the one hand, it sucks, but on the other, at least you have some reason to do things in the real world instead of just daydreaming about everything and never even trying to make things happen for real. I really wonder sometimes what the point of that is... things never feel as good when they're real anyway, and they take a lot more work than just imagining the same thing... why even bother honestly...

>it's not easy to understand honestly...
Hehe, really? That's a compliment in a way, but I doubt it's actually that hard to understand. I am a simple man... I see Tao, I happi.

>>83055559
>im glad to hear that anone!
Uuuu... I didn't expect you to encourage me on that part for some reason haha, welp I guess I'd better do the scary things then or I'll disappoint you! It does seem like pain is indeed an inextricable part of life, but I wonder what kinds of different pain are better... the pain of regret is certainly a bit different than the pain of doing something scary. I've been mostly choosing the former for years but maybe that's not the best idea... even though it doesn't feel as intensely, sharply painful as the latter, it does seem to somehow damage you at your very core.

>that's depression for you i suppose.
Mm.. yeah, it is that, isn't it. I guess I''m still pretty depressed despite being on these pills. Well, at least they gave me enough of a push to be able to get employment so they did their job, I suppose. Were you always this way as far as you can remember, thinking of everything as unimportant? I don't think I can even recall a time when it was different for me, so either I've always been mildly depressed, or this is just the kind of person I am.

>>83055751
now that's a good choice i must say. hope the day has been good! i made some chicken today
>>83055872
>almost quints!
that wouldve been the second time i got quints in my career
>to be good at things?
i don't know, i've never been good at anything. at best i've been mediocre, including guitar. i don't really feel accomplished for being better than how i was a year ago though.
>more useful to be a jack of all trades
sadly not in this world. being really good at something is rewarded (by getting paid for a job you do) whilst being average at everything brings you nothing. and i dont think i have a talent for languages, i've been speaking english since i was 15 or 16 and there's still words i don't know how to say
>If you just had a good enough reason to try
i know i would. i've had it before for a month or two. it made me feel so powerful like i could do anything.
>I see Tao, I happi.
hmm, surely there must be hidden meanings and such...
>regret is certainly a bit different
it is, regret might just be one of the worst feelings we can feel. it's always better to do something and have a bad experience rather than not do it and live with the regret
>Were you always this way as far as you can remember
i think i was different before, but i can't remember it. i hope i was different at least. it would be really sad otherwise.

>>83056241
>that wouldve been the second time i got quints in my career
It's nice you're keeping track of that. I don't remember if I've gotten quints before or not, pretty sure I've gotten quads at least. Do you have the post where you got quints saved? I wonder what it was...

>i've never been good at anything. at best i've been mediocre, including guitar.
Hum, well I guess our definitions of "good" are just different then. I guess yours is probably right, you are likely mediocre at guitar, but to me it feels like you're good since I don't have an ear for music and it's amazing you can play it at all and produce anything resembling music. It seems like some sort of arcane art to me. Also, you've mentioned before that you can hyperfocus on it sometimes so I'm pretty sure that does mean you are good at it at least in my definition of "good", because otherwise I don't think you'd be able to get into that sort of state. Being able to get into that, or a similar state, is what should give you intrinsic motivation to get good at things.

>i don't really feel accomplished for being better
That's sad, because you did accomplish a lot! Just sticking with it for this long is itself an accomplishment. I guess I'd probably be the same though, I never felt accomplished no matter what I did, which is probably one of the reasons I struggle to stick with things. Feels kind of pointless to keep doing them when there's no sense of achievement.

>rewarded (by getting paid for a job
Eh, do you really need to be that good at something to do it as a job? I'm pretty sure most people are mediocre at their jobs and that works out fine for them. I mean, just take a look at most therapists...

>being average at everything brings you nothing
Being average at guitar lets you have a hobby. Being average (although I imagine you are better than average) at cooking lets you make meals for yourself. Being average at socializing gets you at least a couple of friends.

Cont.

>>83056526
>>83056241
Cont.

I think you're underestimating the value these things bring to your life.

>i've been speaking english since i was 15
That's not long at all! I live here, and I've been speaking it since 11 and I also still have words I don't know how to say. Especially if it's like, place names or something. Those are awful.

>i've had it before for a month or two.
Do you think it would have lasted forever if only things worked out? I think for me it would only work for a short time, like a week or two and then it'd fizzle out anyways. Motivation, no matter how strong, just never lasts that long for me.

>surely there must be hidden meanings
Ah yes, actually the Tao is the source and fundamental principle of the universe. It takes a lifetime to really understand it, but once you do all paths are open to you. That is the reason I seek it...

>regret might just be one of the worst feelings we can feel.
Maybe... but I dunno, I just don't seem to feel it that strongly most of the time. Somehow I'm just not the type to dwell on the past that much, at least not in a negative way. Which is surprising since I do have a pretty melancholic disposition most of the time. I guess it's a blessing more than anything, but I am afraid as the regrets mount I'll start to be haunted by them more and more, so I guess you're right I should try to have more experiences before it's too late.

>i think i was different before
Hmm, well that's nice at least. Perhaps there's hope you can eventually go back to being that way again. Though it sure does seem to be really hard to do that... I can't even go back to how I was 4 or 5 years ago. Although, now that I think about it, at least I can respond to a thread just fine now without getting super tired or losing focus. Maybe I am slowly getting better, a few months ago I would have had trouble just reading a single long reply.

gah im never drinking that wine again. it didn't even get me that drunk. somehow beer does it better. bleh.

>>83056526
>Do you have the post where you got quints saved?
hmm nope. but i know it was a reply i posted in one of these threads. i did keep track of a thread i made on s4s that got pinned for a while and got 3 same fortunes in it
>I'm pretty sure that does mean you are good
hm, i think i see things a lot more objectively and if i compare myself to the average player then im pretty awful. i guess you can only really understand it if you play an instrument too
>and that works out fine for them
sure but that's not really what i meant. when people excel at something, (it could be something like being really talented at guitar) they get rewarded a lot (becoming a rockstar) compared to the guy who is average
>it would have lasted forever if only things worked out?
i don't know, i like to think it would've. actually im pretty sure it would've. i could do anything for the right cause or person
>fundamental principle of the universe
uh huh... of course how couldn't i think of that...
>I am afraid as the regrets mount I'll start to be haunted by them more and more
me too, and the fear is somewhat of a good motivation to do things sometimes, but other times it paralizes me and makes me wonder why i even bother
>Maybe I am slowly getting better
i think you are getting a lot better anon! do you think the you of a few months ago would've been able to go to work? you've done a lot of improvement! try to be a little proud of yourself.


it's getting late now so i'll go to sleep. thank you everyone for talking with me today.

>>83056600
Thanks so much for speaking with me today Anonny!! I'm really glad to have been able to interact with you again. Have a good night and sleep tight now!

>>83056600
>gah im never drinking that wine again
Did it taste that bad? Odd for a wine.. You'd think it can't be worse than a beer at least.

>it was a reply i posted in one of these threads.
Ah I see. It must have been one quality reply to get rewarded with such magnificent digits! Also nice double dubs.

>thread i made on s4s that got pinned
Waow! That must be a nice feeling. It's a pretty neat little quirk of the board that anyone can get pinned. I wonder how they choose it, I guess I'm too much of a newfig to really know if there's a pattern to it yet.

>3 same fortunes
I hope it wasn't Bad Luck...

>i think i see things a lot more objectively
I do agree, I think you are mediocre objectively speaking sadly, I guess I just wasn't really comparing it to other people as much as just seeing your skill for what it is, like, it's still good just because you can make pleasant sounds with a guitar, it doesn't really matter if they aren't quite as pleasant as what someone else can make. But when I judge myself on things I do usually also compare myself to other people, which results in also probably giving myself less credit than I deserve.

>they get rewarded a lot (becoming a rockstar)
Hmm, well that's true I suppose, but you still need other things for that, like to be a rockstar you need to have connections and some luck, I don't think being good at playing guitar alone is enough. Though, maybe that's besides the point. If your goal is to be the best at something then it definitely isn't ideal to just be a jack of all trades, that's for sure.

Cont.

>>83057483
>>83056600
Cont.


>actually im pretty sure it would've. i could do anything for the right cause or person
Well that's pretty cool. Doesn't that mean you have hope? I mean you've literally already experienced it once, it just didn't last but if you can find something like that again maybe you could finally see a point to living. Well, maybe it's not *that* powerful of an effect... but regardless, I'm kind of envious. I don't think there's anything in this world that could get me that fired up, honestly...

>but other times it paralizes me and makes me wonder why i even bother
Interesting... I do have that with fear sometimes. I guess it's the freeze response, which is like the most common one for me to go into. And it sucks because it's the most useless one usually. I just do nothing and hope things blow over. I guess it does work sometimes...

>i think you are getting a lot better anon!
I hope so! You are right that I probably wouldn't have been able to go to work a few months ago... it was so overwhelming, I don't think the me of back then could have handled it.

>try to be a little proud of yourself.
Thank you Anon!! I'll try!