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7/1/2025, 6:00:00 AM
>>81674999
I replay this one in my head over and over in the dark of night. Several of my most autistic moments occurred back to back in front of a girl who was way too pretty for me. I forget how we started talking but it was over facebook messanger and we hit it off. I guess she liked my imagination because most of what we discussed was weird post apocalyptic role play. She was an odd chick but absolutely gorgeous and a cheerleader while i myself was a scummy goth kid. Eventually we decided we were going to go see underworld together. I could barely speak to her face to face, i only had autism swag online so already things are getting awkward. I had no car so we walked to the theater after school. Not far, but you had to go down a steep hill to get there. I made it to the bottom umscathed but she ate shit and i laughed my ass off at her. I dont know why, just nervous i guess. She wasnt amused but i apologized and we continued our journey. Then at the theater they wouldnt let me buy us tickets for underworld since i had no license to prove i was old enough for an R rated movie so we instead settled on twilight which she said she had already seen. It started half an hour later so we spent another awkward quiet half hour in the comic shop next door. The movie itself was uneventful. I wanted to try to hold her hand or put my arm around her but never worked up the courage. Then my dad shows up to drive us home which would have been bad enough on its own but i for some reason sit IN THE FRONT SEAT instead of in the back with her. After i got home i messaged her to check in but got no response. We didnt talk any more after that and she had some new jock boy friend within a week.
I replay this one in my head over and over in the dark of night. Several of my most autistic moments occurred back to back in front of a girl who was way too pretty for me. I forget how we started talking but it was over facebook messanger and we hit it off. I guess she liked my imagination because most of what we discussed was weird post apocalyptic role play. She was an odd chick but absolutely gorgeous and a cheerleader while i myself was a scummy goth kid. Eventually we decided we were going to go see underworld together. I could barely speak to her face to face, i only had autism swag online so already things are getting awkward. I had no car so we walked to the theater after school. Not far, but you had to go down a steep hill to get there. I made it to the bottom umscathed but she ate shit and i laughed my ass off at her. I dont know why, just nervous i guess. She wasnt amused but i apologized and we continued our journey. Then at the theater they wouldnt let me buy us tickets for underworld since i had no license to prove i was old enough for an R rated movie so we instead settled on twilight which she said she had already seen. It started half an hour later so we spent another awkward quiet half hour in the comic shop next door. The movie itself was uneventful. I wanted to try to hold her hand or put my arm around her but never worked up the courage. Then my dad shows up to drive us home which would have been bad enough on its own but i for some reason sit IN THE FRONT SEAT instead of in the back with her. After i got home i messaged her to check in but got no response. We didnt talk any more after that and she had some new jock boy friend within a week.
6/30/2025, 11:50:16 AM
I now regret having eating canned fished last night, because my kitchen still has that odor in it...
6/22/2025, 1:53:03 AM
>>81569920
so your knowledge truly is useless. to know or not to know that you exist, it doesn't matter; it cannot help you in the existence you do experience. what would you do if you were unfairly imprisoned in solitary? what would you do if everyone suddenly disappeared and only you remained? your assurance of your own existence would only serve to hollow you out from the inside, the loneliness ravaging at your soul. you can only distract yourself from this fact, and desperately cling onto the things that bring you joy, which you so take for granted.
so your knowledge truly is useless. to know or not to know that you exist, it doesn't matter; it cannot help you in the existence you do experience. what would you do if you were unfairly imprisoned in solitary? what would you do if everyone suddenly disappeared and only you remained? your assurance of your own existence would only serve to hollow you out from the inside, the loneliness ravaging at your soul. you can only distract yourself from this fact, and desperately cling onto the things that bring you joy, which you so take for granted.
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