My friend group is a bunch of Gundam guys I've been talking to on discord for two years, they play videogames together and I admire every one of them.
Something about me is just so wrong with me, I am treated as a lolcow when I'm not being muted.
These are the only people in the world I feel comfortable talking to so how do I get them to love me like I love them

i'm so alone and retarded, i bet i'm the only on here from my cvntry at this very moment cause of the sheer lows i have reached, i think i'm just addicted to failure at this point, i can't pinpoint why exactly, but anyways, i plan on rotting without an hs diploma for the next 6yrs till i'm 24 and then go postal and land a pathetic page that 10ppl will visit on ency dramatica, i feel like some people have failed me, i don't understand myself at all.

man i can't even put into words how i feel anymore, i can't even contact the e-whore that broke my heart cause of her settings, yeah it's pathetic i'm hung up on pixels but who cares, i can't get love irl, i can't believe this shit, i tell myself i can just bottle this faggotry inside and move on but i can't, i'm nothing but this, coping with the same bubblegum pop song looped for infinity, gonna binge eat binge watch shit and then hopefully sleep and never wake up sick of this fucking joke of a life.

barber butchered my hair and i'm already ugly, i think i'm gonna back to get a buzz, plus i lead the most miserable life on earth (slithering back into an e-girl's life by getting close with the people she knows (i once knew them too i just have to pretend i'm starting from scratch now) because she decided she'd be my friend months ago and i still can't let go) i am so pathetic and retarded, iq must be in the negatives and even aside from that, i'd rather be conventionally attractive living nice than this divine cosmic punishment ass life/being smart.

Guys i have this thing where i keep archiving stuff that isnt really useful to me me like threads and altchan and 4chan catalogs for some reason, even discord chats, it takes up so much of my storage but i screenshot or screen record so much useless shit on my phone and laptop, idk how to stop cause i think its just ocd, in my head theres inherent value in whatever i save for some reason, i also cant stop stalking this one ewhore that was my friend, this is peak rock bottom, i wish i had the strength to kill myself, WHAT THE FUCK AM I
I need to die Im retarded and useless
I cant contribute in any meaningful way to this world and I cant enjoy my life so theres nothing to live for, i wish I wasnt in agony all the time
I should be an adult but Im barely a man at almost 19yo
Plus i hang around in these loser spaces so much when they dont reflect the reality i live at all, the reality i was alienated from by my peers.
I live in a run down 3rd world shithole so i feel like i shouldnt even be online