>>96150493
[Up]

Human, Paradise Falls

Wilderness Explorer Training (Free)
I think the boring stuff is what I remember the most (Free)
You know, it's just a house (900)
Power of Obsession (800)
Lifelong Love (600)
Balloonist (300)
Chocolate Bars (Free)
Jumper Falls (0)

The old man gasped as with a suction portal, I deposited the rare bird he'd wasted his life looking for right next to his breakfast. Without even showing up in person to explain that spatial anomaly, I immediately shut the portal and went back to gardening my untouched wilderness.

...

"And that's it?" asked Elodie as I reorganised several rivers into a crude hydropower generation system.

"Ought there be more?" I asked, collecting venomous roots with smol Vex units. "Do you WANT me to take over the world in a noticeable and blatant way instead of by gradually buying out governments with my imminent pharmaceutical business?"

"Well, no. It's just. You kind of rewarded that guy who I'm pretty sure is a murderer-" said Elodie, stepping around the ant-powered supercomputer.

"I punished him" I interrupted, terraforming several bushes into biological solar panels.

"...oh. Oh, I see it now. That's cruel, Anon"

"He's going to go back to his country, flush with triumph, only to find out all his rivals are long dead and his vocation is irrelevant. He's going to find out he has no relevancy or registration in a world that's moved on from him, and blame everyone but himself. He'll be a celebrity for a while, and then either the police are going to investigate some of his...trophies and lock him up in a little room for the rest of his life. Or he'll just drift on. Aimless. Into the skies"

1/2

>>96117771
[Nigel and Marmalade]

Magical Twat

Potion Chef (Free)
Well-Meaning Deniability (900)
Magic! (700)
Special Magic: Candles (400)
TELEVISION! (Free)
Fancy Hat (300)
Cooking with Portals (100)
Hellishly Hot Cocoa (0)

"Oh look, another intolerably nonsensical and ass-backwards world" I complained, staring at the general state of reality as I dusted off the incinerated remains of the last Panhuman History outgrowth I'd recently genocided. "I suppose I'll have to sort it all out myself"

"Uh-huh" said Elodie listlessly.

"The skies will be warped straight, the mountains carved into a more ORGANISED skyline, and I suppose I'll have to genetically restructure most of the creatures"

"Whatever you say, Anon" mumbled Elodie.

I looked askance at her. "Something tells me you are SOMEWHAT demoralised by the righteous and deserved slaughter of worthless lifeforms, Elodie" I said slowly, as my angelic hosts started to sling the beauty of Heaven about the place with loaded flowers. "It's almost like being a proponent of benign self-determination and the leader of a multiversal charitable organisation is at odds with being the tool of an ontologically oppressive system"

"Whatever gave you that impression" she said dully, staring into a funny talking pool and thinking.

"Oh I don't know, call it multiversal intuition. Or Mind 10". I stared at Elodie thinking about trolley problems and lost opportunities, let out a big cosmic sigh, and magic'd up a candle. "Enough. As a member of this hegemony, you don't need excuses or coddling. You need PRODUCTIVITY. See that wizard over there?"

"...yeah?"

1/3

>>96008727
By being making them redundant with drones, portals and smart matter.