>>81865865
>spoiler
dead people receive more flowers than living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude
>but neither of them--or you or me--can change how the world works
honestly this might be the worst thing. i wish i didnt care about this world, but i do and knowing there is nothing i can do to change things makes me feel pathetic.
>to the people around you, those who truly care and appreciate your presence, your life matters
i know. i think im supposed to feel something whenever i remember it, but i dont. i feel nothing.
>>81865958
>what exactly do you feel is inherently painful?
>the futility of it all?
>the fact that you will never truly achieve all you want?
>that you're born and will die powerless?
yes, yes and yes. what am i even doing here.
>to live in spite
why? i dont have anything to prove to anyone. "oh look at me, i lived for 70 years despite being a depressed miserable lonely fucker"
no one is gonna give me a medal. no one gives a shit. so why. it doesnt matter. what am i doing all this for? myself? i dont want to live for myself.
>they just haven't shown it to you
is it not incredibly depressing? how literally most people alive have to mask everything and only cope for all their lives? is it not insane???
>don't try to expand your feelings to the general public
i know no one cares. but see it as some kind of protesting, a protest to the indifference of this world towards the individual. maybe if enough people start doing it then things will change.

>>81620587
i dont think something like this might work for me. my decisions are not taken after a reason other than "its what i should do".
i also more often than not take decisions impulsively, because my brain takes over my reason.
>All the questions you can think to ask
whenever i ask myself questions all the answers i get are insults towards my own being.
>>81620687
i cannot in good faith continue to do whatever i feel like its right. its going to hurt other people i care about and i dont want it to happen. i cant keep running away and avoiding choices even though thats what i want to do

i kinda want to stay up all night just looking at the sky. its not too hot and i could just sit on the balcony of my window for a while listening to something. not sure if its a good idea though.

>>81502787
>here's to your good health, my dude
thanks, but reconsider!
>then wake up early, like 5-6 am
it is not physically possible for me to wake up before 8 am without feeling incredibly tired and dizzy, i prefer walking late in the night. although sometimes i do wake up very early cause its too hot to sleep and i like watching the sunrise
>>81503026
>If your sleep is that bad you should probably ask a doctor.
i guess i should. i think if i told my doctor all my problems he'd just tell me to go to the hospital or something.
>>81504979
>Rises the moon !
do you know the lyrics by heart?
>That means you're a functioning mammal !
i dont feel very "functioning"...
>Perhaps I am secretly really a reptile
the lizardmen are trying to infiltrate our thread!!!