I left here at 18, almost a decade ago. I tried my best to use my gifts the best I could. I wasn't a true robot. I was tall, decent looking, high IQ, but I came from a family that abused me daily until I joined the army at 23 after several attempts of jeapordizing my enlistment into the Army Reserves by sending my childhood ADHD and thearpy diagnosis to my recruiter. They knew I needed those benefits to be able to go to college

I wasn't allowed friends, music lessons, or anything substantial in my youth. In adolsence I was one of the few of my peers who wasn't allowed to get a job, get a driver's license (I live in shit hole rural Ohio) or have a phone (class of 2016)

My parents used the parental signature requirement on the FASFA to keep me out of college or trade programs as I couldn't afford higher education on 8 dollars an hour.

Every adult in my life failed me and I became a broken man. I could mention my degenerative disc disease that I got at 20 and lied at meps about, finally losing my virginity at 24 and getting cucked, having my acl/mcl/meniscus/ explode that cost me my job, and many more things.

I am staying on a friends coach, and I considered suicide after frying my gaming laptop, my best friend in this world, after a stupid accident doing a basic repaste when disconnecting the battery.

I don't have a degree, I don't have skills, I applied to work at Applebee's for 14 an hour and I don't want to do it.

I am lucky, I had some documented injuries in the army doing some high speed stuff, and 2 close friends I made in my unit committed suicide.

If this is it, pushing 30, and just wage slaving at apple bees, I don't want it. I had an asvab in the 90s. I could have been an officer, a doctor, or even something mid tier like a teacher.

I am in so much pain I can't focus and it feels like there has been a drill going through my head for the past few months and I can't study.

I think I need to throw in the towel, at least for now

>play rush
>get beamed from all directions
>can't make it 10 feet without getting downed
Am I really this bad. Why is everyone kill me so much faster?

>>717705672
Well that sucks then.

>be me
>diagnosed depression since 18
>in uni
>pass some exams
>sadness overwhelms me, do nothing for six months
>repeat 3/4 times
>finally fisnish my exams after too many years
>depression kicks in, go on a 20 day long weed and alcohol bender to feel something
>can't do nothing anymore, spend all day in bed

It is over for me bros? Should i kms?

>>24482408
I only read stuff before the 1970s, although the date has been inching closer near the 2000s. There is no deliberate attempt to read older works, but simply the desire to escape modern thought in its entirety. When I read something from the 19th century, or early 20th, I am able to peer from its precipice and see the future they imagined, not as it actually occurred, but as what it could have been.

Of late, I have been reading non-fiction; memoirs and essays mostly, I'm not interested in explicit learning. My emotions are dampened and I fear one day I'll feel nothing from consuming art of any medium.