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Read: Jay Earley - Self-Therapy_ A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness, you can get it on libgen for free
Your perspective towards yourself is so negative, you have to listen to how you talk to yourself.
Remember, you are doing the best you can, everyone is believe it or not. It can be depressing on some note to accept this, but we are all flawed & trying to grow spiritually in a messed up world. Also, recall everyday, you are NOT indian!