>>24659284
but exclusively the instrumental jams, rest is forgettable

anon, im in a very similar situation. Its like looking into a mirror. Dispair is my normal state of being. I can act normal and make small talk, no one knows that im a lonely loser, because i can play the normie reasonable well. Maybe try to take solace in the arts? Spice it up with drugs. All i do is getting blasted with opiates and go to the movies, read books and listen to music. Theres so much in the world you will never run out of material. And exercising maybe? Doesnt hurt and is another activity were you can pass the time. You can even read inbetween sets and listen to music. And a good workout with a cool shower afterwards clears your head good when you have a very bad day and the shrieking of nothing is especially loud

im the upper one, when i left my teenage years and got into midtwenties i went from twink to east european mob-enforcer in my looks, but im still a timid, meek turbo autist, but know sketchy people are wary off me and dont try to fuck with me atleast.

>>24554848
thats the exact kind of reasoning that fucked me completely. realized that pretty soon. Being performative is interwebbed into everything normal people do. I tried to escape it and realized that my vain attempt made me even more inauthentic than the rest. The only persons who are above something like that are people who are autistically devoted to something or homeless people rambling on public transportation. We atleast somewhat normal people are trapped and defined by social connections and prestige so ofcourse we want to elevate ourselfes without putting in work. The ony way i see out, is to accept that everyone is a bit inauthentic. But easier said then done and im addicted to opiates for several years now. And reading taoistic or buddhistic literature didnt help at all sadly. Could write more but you get the gist

>>24497978
>>24497979
thanks anons for your recs!