>a bit of a rough childhood because of home life
>obsessed with being alone for most of childhood and adolesence
>fearful of the future, expecting to kill myself by 20
>have a horrible relationship with religion and shame
>go to Catholic school, become Catholic
>overwhelming shame intensifies
>but get some of my very best friends
>and gain a new hope in the future by pursuing what I love: language and history
>go to college
>degree in classical languages
>have a very nice time, join a frat, become agnostic, respect religion as it is but put it away for myself for my own well being
>still very interested in it but from a historical angle
>cut loose, drink and smoke weed just about everyday as a "daily unwind" with my roommates
>read a lot of Plato and the Presocratics, fall in love again with my passion
>graduate, go out of state for a post bacc
>stop drinking and smoking because I'm entirely dependant on my parents
>it's hell, I live in a closet for 10 months and hate being financially dependant
>move back with friends' help and get a shitty part time job
>live with them for a time, quit job
>start grad student in classical languages
>it pays too
>doing a lot of research, feels good man
>still maintaing connections with old high school friends and frat buddies who moved to my town after college
>making new connections with my colleagues and professors
>move into my own apartment
>improve my connections with my family
>have a very lovely gf who supports me, she's the first person whom I've told I love beyond friends and family
>enjoying my last free summer before I need to start working for the season next year
>>24620011
My advice is to start with smaller, short term goals before advancing to bigger ones, like "don't watch porn for the next four hours and do something productive and/or genuinely enjoyable" instead of "read a book a week for the whole year." Also, journaling helped me a lot when I was lost because at the very least it got my thoughts together in a more concise way as opposed to having them constantly feeding off each other in your head. For books, I'd recommend Lev Shestov's All Things Are Possible and Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson.
>>24620171
You can't expect any of your fears to come to fruition if you do nothing, that's the easy way out. It's better to try and fail than not try at all because at least you will have lived. I'd recommend Gogol's comedies and Hemingway's The Old Man and The Sea.
