Thread 215236611

Where did it all go wrong with this dude?

>>215236611 (OP)
He got too fat it's that simple, you can see him slowly expanding over the course of the 1990s and then by 2002 he was just too big to be a believable action hero

>>215236611 (OP)
His ego wrote checks his talent couldn't cash.

>>215236746
I mean he was never some big jacked up looking motherfucker to begin with. How hard is it to maintain his early work physique?

Literally this movie, it was all downhill from there. Flop after flop from 1995 and onwards while getting fatter and fatter.
Exit Wounds coul've been his comeback but Half-Past Dead bombing so hard sent him to the direct to video hell forever.

>>215236821
this movie was great though

>>215236772
>I mean
Low self-confidence indicator

>>215236849
>Doesn't answer the question
>ad hom

>>215236821
It really was this. He was as much of a star as Stallone and you could put him right behind Arnold in action stars after Under Siege. On Deadly Ground was a big downgrade from Under Siege and nothing improved from there on out.

>>215236611 (OP)
>Die Hard On A Battleship

He occupied a very specific niche between new wave and grunge where audiences wanted action heroes that weren’t ultra-jacked and were dark and brooding with a hint of japanophilia.

He lied about everything his whole life even before he became famous, then got lucky during the bullshido craze and grossly overestimated both his talent and popularity. Then Executive Decision broke him and he decided he'd rather be a big star in straight-to-dvd bulgarian produced C-movies than fade into obscurity in Hollywood.
He was the ultimate "fake it till you make it" guy, except he 100% believed his own bullshit.
Reading/watching stuff about his escapades is pretty funny tho, god bless his lolcow heart

>>215236611 (OP)
deytooker

>>215236985
Name 10 things he's lied about

>>215236901
>you could put him right behind Arnold in action stars after Under Siege
Arnold movies had artistic merit though.

>>215236943
>Under Siege in a skyscraper

>>215237115
It wasn't a knock.

>>215236821
this film is hilarious and a really fun watch

>>215236821
what the fuck is going on with that oil derrick lmao

>>215236611 (OP)
Steven Seagal got famous due to a my fair lady style bet made by mobsters. He tried to quit acting and they pressed him and he ended up going going to the fbi and ratting/testifying against them .

BIRTHDAY SNATCHER

>>215237083
he said he fucked your mom 10 times

I couldn't stop laughing at him every time he ran in Above the Law.

Him and Pam Grier had better chemistry than him & Sharon Stone. Straight up should have wrote her out & he could have had his chocolate mama partner in crime as well in the sack.

>>215237083
about his martial arts credentials
about "his" dojo
about his racial heritage
about his law enforcment career
about him being CIA/FBI consultant
about his relationship with Bruce Lee
about Brandon Lee's family contacting him after his death
about him beating/being able to beat other action stars like JCVD
about his wife
about the women he's been with
about the mob extortion
about his weight

>>215237165
>a my fair lady style bet made by mobsters
A what

>Above the Law
>Marked for Death
>Hard to Kill
>Out for Justice
>Under Siege
he had a pretty damn good run in the late 80s/ early 90s

>>215237083
... I can't..

>>215237165
Now whose lying

>>215236611 (OP)
Hair loss, weight gain, hard to work with, action hero genre decline

>>215236611 (OP)
I liked that movie with him and Stone Cold.

>>215237316
kek what the fuck is wrong with him

>>215236901
The thing is other than his lisp Stallone is a really good actor, and Seagal's acting was a distant second to his black belt in flipping people over

>>215237362
someone snatched his birthday

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar-5PAj-YOc
>Make sure not to show Seagal for more than a quarter of a second at a time or the audience will start wondering why a man so old and fat is a sniper in Iraq.

>>215237516
> asian girl uses magic to escape her weaboo stalker

>>215237459
Is that stock Papyrus for the font on the album?

>>215237428
>me fending off waiters at the chinese buffet who just watched me pile my seventh plate as high as physically possible with half a warming tray’s worth of crab rangoon

>>215237283
All true btw

>>215237545
>An old man sniping in Iraq breaks my immersion
>regular action flick where some dude mows down an entire army single handedly is okay tho

>>215236611 (OP)
>Where did it all go wrong with this dude?
Let me tell you something that might be a bit dangerous. Seagal was raised in Japan. He was schooled in martial arts. He was given the title of master.
Then they take a movie “The Last Samurai.” They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. I don’t care. He had never been to Japan. He doesn’t speak Japanese. He has never held a sword. They make him the Last Samurai. Seagal got 450,000 phone calls [laughs] from everybody in the world saying, “That role was perfect for you. How did that happen?” Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it. It’s just a classic example of Hollywood and the politics.

>>215237428
damn, aikido looks BADASS

>>215237634
That's not how suspension of disbelief works. I can suspend my disbelief and think this one guy is the baddest ass around, I can't suspend my disbelief and think that a 300 pound 60 year old man can pass a medical and serve a tour, let alone as a sniper.

>>215237490
>nerdy jewish kid with asthma from Michigan
>becomes an action flick & martial arts icon
who cares if he’s a little memeworthy, he is the embodiment of the American dream

>>215237613
damn, my bad then

>>215237715
Its okay. I forgive you.

>>215236611 (OP)

Well, he was just a cook. What did you want from him?

>>215237459
"Punani Twist"...these are songs?

>>215237316
Bless you kek, goddamn is he ever awkward

>>215237710
oh whoops my bad he was SIXTY FOUR(64{Five Score and Two[LXIV]}) when Sniper: Special Ops was filmed.

No one can shred like him either.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3G3r_3NM6s

>>215236611 (OP)
I'm not ashamed to say that Under Siege 1 is one of favorite movies of all time. I've watched it beyond counting. It's the perfect mix of action and schlock. TLJ and Busey are having the time of their lives. I think Seagal was a great choice. A more charismatic actor might have stolen the spotlight from them. There's also something strangely comfy about it.

>>215236746
Being fat is better for akido though

>>215236821
he is good in exit wounds using bad boys 2 as a benchmark

>>215237083
On Jay Leno, he said he was a japanese sword expert and people all over would ask him to appraise swords. Jay to his credit, guffawed in his face.

>>215237428
The girl from resident evil 2 is also an aikido practitioner. Sienna.

What are the funniest Seagal movies to watch? I've already seen Under Seige, Under Seige 2, and The Glimmer Man

>>215238487
The one where a dude falls out of a window like 60 times

>>215238127
>There's also something strangely comfy about it.

I think it's the 90sness and the small setting

>>215236821
>AHHHH MY NUTS!

>>215237516
>Dark Souls co-op

>>215236943
>>215237115
>Boss of this Gym on a space station

>>215238508
its just the one time actually

>>215236611 (OP)
It never has. Seagal is still living the dream, making movies, being a martial arts master and getting all the girls.

>>215236772
>I mean

For me, it's the scene with the Joint Chiefs in the war room after Strannix launches cruise missiles at Honolulu and one of them says "One million people will reach ten thousand degrees fahrenheit in less than a second" as if no one in the room knew what a nuke would do

>>215236964
Wut

>>215237331
Pretty much this. After 9/11 and the war in Iraq, that whole genre went out of style and was relegated to home video. People became more cynical and hopeless and so one man army movies didn't fit the zeitgeist anymore.

>>215237283
The mobster thing i thought was real, there was a case and everything

>>215238487
All of his run from 89 till under siege is trashy fun.
Above the law
Hard to kill
Marked for death
Out for Justice

>>215237516
>Samurai Jack ending

>>215236611 (OP)
Has anyone seen Ritchie?

>>215238865
He is exiled to serbia.

>>215236901
>He was as much of a star as Stallone
Really? Sounds exagerated.

>>215238889
>No answer

>>215239743
Retards who write "I mean" aren't worth having a conversation with even when it's about nonsense like Steven Seagal. It's best to make fun of them so they self-correct in the future.

>>215236821
Fire down below was the final nail in the coffin after executive decision.

>>215239959
Executive Decision was great.

>>215239730
It wasn't long lived but for a short time he was a big timer

Isn’t aikido one of the most useless and performative martial arts out there?

>>215240703
It's probably the opposite of performative. Disarming an opponent or reversing their attacks doesn't look as interesting on stage or in a movie as strike-based martial arts but it's useful in the real world

>>215239984
He was supposed to be the lead. But he was a dickhead so the killed his ass and used Kurt.

>>215239881
>Retards who
ad hom

>>215236611 (OP)
How did he spin so much IRL clout from his dumbass flicks? Are boomers dumb or something?

>>215236611 (OP)
The moment his career ended:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7T7qPoQCBg

Arnold, Sly, Jean Claude, NOBODY in their right mind would agree to do this dumb death scene. Only Seagal.

>>215236611 (OP)
He was a McDojo fraud that couldn't actually fight.

>>215236611 (OP)
I always laugh how when he gets shot through the chest by that black sniper woman in "Big Steve vs the Train" he doesn't die, laughs it off to the black sidekick, and is all better a few scenes later.
Big Steve vs the Mafia and Big Steve vs the Golliwogs were his peak

>>215236611 (OP)
People today don’t realize how famous he once was, rivaled Arnold and Stallone. He became an action star very quickly, his first movie was a hit.

>>215236821
This movie showed that fame had started to go to his head, you just know this part was his idea

https://youtu.be/Iq4dhgD07qo

>>215236821
>>215236901
This. This. This.

I went to the theatre to see 'On Deadly Ground', only to get a fourth wall breaking lecture about the 'muh environment' and how Noble Savages are better than Whites or some gay shit.

Envirofaggotry was the on-the-nose Woke shit of the era that every actor and the Left in general was virtue signalling about. If you're a Zoomer you don't know but compare these scenes:
https://youtu.be/G9Kn8TWqGOw?t=31

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8B0np_o1VBg

Same mentality, but the rest of that Star Trek movie was actually good so it that scene was bearable. Steven Segall is so far up his own arse I heard his gay little speech was cut down from much longer by some studiofag with some actual sanity. He virtue-signalled way too close to the sun in an era when Hollywood weren't totally disconnected from audiences and economic reality.

Movies like 'Under Siege' gave him some cred, and he blew all that capital on this and then subsequent faggotry. Obviously this dickhead ACTUALLY BELIEVED he was going to change the world or something with this horseshit. Then people started to go back and look at how much of a self-deluded dipshit this guy always was. He became a fucking joke and good riddance.

>>215240912
It's not an ad hom, retard. The subject of conversation is your stupidity in reference to textual evidence you yourself provided.

>>215236901
>He was as much of a star as Stallone

Are you comparing the popularity of Rocky, Rambo and Demolition Man for example to Under Siege, Above the Law and Out for Justice? Rocky alone is more popular than all Seagal movies.

>>215237459
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLe_BZ1mo3I

Someone post the operator clips where he's explaining his pistols, switching rifle from shoulder to shoulder while riding on skateboard or something.

>>215237316
Steven Sesgal is what would happen if Neil Breen got some traction in blockbuster films.

Just imagine Breen initially being put in big budget Hollywood movies directed and cut by someone else that SOMEHOW managed to make him actually look cool. Then when he got more money and cred he started making direction and production decisions himself:
https://youtu.be/6L4g3H_TM28?t=9

Except Steven Sesgal lacks Breen's charm.

>>215241548
There are many actors who become very popular and reach A-list status for a short time, only to fade away or disappear again.

>>215236611 (OP)
>Where did it all go wrong with this dude?
Nothing. He was always a moron. But in the beginning he could be controlled.

It didn’t. You’re just not black. Black people watch 90s Segal movies like he was Stallone.

>>215236611 (OP)
Early success as a lead actor.

>>215237316
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLKoXlRCpzg

>>215241956
>fade away
Yeah, like there are many companies that become very popular for a short time only to 'fade away' and then there is Enron.

Seagal's was as responsible for his own downfall as Elizabeth Holmes. Seagal is as delusional, fake and gay as a Theranos blood test.

>>215242438
You don't understand. This special running technique that makes him go faster was taught to him by an old Tibetan monk ... or something ...

>>215242453
You thought that was clever but it wasn't.

>>215242453
>Seagal is as delusional, fake and gay as a Theranos blood test.

At least Seagal was clever enough to avoid jail, Holmes is going to be raising her children in prison.

>>215242539
My favorite part of that whole scandal was the reporter who broke the story doing an interview in front of an audience. When asked how she was able to fool so many people he said "people were willfully blind because she was a woman and they wanted to see a woman succeed as a business mogul" only to have the audience get tense and the reporter awkwardly change the subject. There was literally a pause right after he said it where you could hear a pin drop, lol.

>>215242539
>>215242626
Don't worry guys, here's your second chance to get in on the ground floor:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haemanthus_(company)

>>215238487
>Hard To Kill
Hands down, the GOAT - So many hilarious quotes and action sequences in this. A must-watch for any Seagal enjoyer.
>On Deadly Ground
This one is an Apache fever dream. It was the first movie they let Seagal direct and he went wild with environmentalist and native themes. The movie concludes with a 4-minute lecture by Seagal about fossil fuels and the dangers of global warming.
>Exit Wounds
Seagal's big comeback after a series of theatrical flops. It has a good supporting cast and is enjoyable on its own merits, but has some downright ridiculous action sequences involving Seagal. One such scene has him dodge a bullet at point blank range and scissor kick the shooter in the head while landing on one hand, which he uses to spring himself back onto his feet in one fluid motion.
>Belly of the Beast
This is one of the earlier straight to DVD releases where Seagal has gained a considerable amount of weight, but in tandem gained a bunch of superhuman abilities which allows him to send guys flying through the air with his punches and kicks. I think around this time he starts using stunt doubles for mundane shit like walking down stairs.

>>215242626
>>215242676

What I don't get is how Holmes thought she was going to get away with it. Like, what was her plan once the grift was eventually revealed and the Feds came after her? Run off to Hong Kong or Moscow?

>>215242879
>not including Marked for Death
Bro.

>>215242926
She believed her LARP, anon. She had a really superficial understanding of how to be a tech mogul and thought she could just Steve Jobs her way into making smart people create what she wanted.

>>215242539
>>215242626
>>215242926
>>215242977
Two more weeks guys

>>215242926
No, to figure this bitch out you just have to look at the original premise to know how self-deluded she was, and still is: Using a single drop of blood to do ALL the blood tests. That would be great an' all, but did anyone really ever ask for that? Was getting a syringe of blood drawn so fucking terrible in the first place for medical tests? Was it a problem in any urgent need of solving, or bazillions in investment? Think about it.

Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Danny DeVito's character says he just needs a 'good idea' to start a business? This bitch saw shit like that, took it super seriously without actually doing any actual rational thinking about what that really means, and just came up with some random short-sighted dumb woman idea based on her own feelings and overinflated narrative in-her-own-mind: That normal blood tests are some big terrible thing that EVERYONE hates, while pricking a finger is somehow not. It's totally retarded the more you think about it.

Her real ambition was to get money and fame as a stronk independent 'muh /biz/ness whammen' and 'muh Steve Jerbs' cred. She believed all the reality distorting bullshit about him just telling people to invent shit and get on their case if they didn't. That's how dumb women ACTUALLY BELIEVE /biz/ness works. That their boss doesn't really actually do any work, he just tells other people to do it and acts like a bigshot smoking cigars in his office or whatever.

So in her mind 'muh idea' + 'muh stronk whammen' + 'investment' automatically equals SUCCESS, eventually with a bit of 'fake it 'til you make it'. Totally oblivious to the fact her dumb idea wasn't realistic/feasible to start with no matter the amount of capital she raised.

She still likely believes it because all 'da evil menz' told her she's wrong, so she's even more a belieber in her own retarded shit. She would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling menz.

>>215241548
Yes. By Seagal's peak ('92), Stallone's career was in decline from his hits in the 80s.

>>215242977
I can fix h...

Oh wait ... never mind.

Seriously, you can't fix that level of crazy.

>>215243378
Even taking that into account, someone that has done Rocky and Rambo is more popular forever.

>>215243394
That crazy ass voice she uses is based on Yoda

>>215243414
Ok zoomie. Whatever you say

>>215243446
I love Seagal's early movies, I think he had a style that never had in fighting movies. I have watched them so many times. But how the fuck are you comparing Rocky and Rambo that are classics of cinema and everybody today know those characters to Under Siege? Stop being so fanatic.

>>215243510
No I agree with you even though you weren't there. You convinced me

>>215243430
Imagine working for that crazy whore and being an actual engineer or scientist, holy shit. It's a wonder she even got as far as she did without someone beating her to death just on principle.

>>215236611 (OP)
On Deadly Ground was the first tear in Segal's quilt of perfect films.

I would have loved him get thinner and come back for one of The Expandables movies... He was the only one that was left there.

>>215243978
I would love to see him in a remake of Thinner

>>215243378
No, Seagal was never close to the same level as Stallone. I wouldn't even say he ever had A-list status. His fame was niche and mid-tier like JCVD.

>>215241720
Seagal has some douche charm. The whole reason for watching Breen is that he has negative charm.

>>215243978
>He was the only one that was left
They missed out on having Carl Weathers.

https://youtu.be/mTwg5P60N7w

>>215243978
Dumb esl poster

>>215240912
>biting bait

>>215241405
It is exactly an ad hom

>>215244470
>It is exactly an ad hom
Nice sentence structure, retard. Thanks for providing even more evidence that you're retarded.

>>215244260
>Zoomer here. Let me lecture you about the past that I wasn't a part of

>>215236611 (OP)
>‘Irwin Staff used to manage [Steven Seagal]. Seagal calls [Irwin] one time, and he’s like teared up on the phone,” Faber said during his appearance on Stud Show Radio. “This is true because my manager Mark Schulman told me this,” Faber assured the listeners.
>“He said Seagal is calling [Irwin] and he’s all shook up on the other side, and Irwin’s like, ‘…Are you crying?’. [Segal] is like, ‘Yes, I’m crying… I just read the script. It’s amazing! It’s brought me to tears… It’s unbelievable.’”
>Irwin, excited to learn who wrote the script, asked “Master” Seagal who wrote it.
>“[Seagal] goes, ‘I wrote it.'”

>>215243978
Ozempic came 10 years too late, even if he got on it the dude is 73, he probably can't even do the aikido bullshit at that age.

>>215236611 (OP)
Mofo overrated himself

>>215240943
>Are boomers dumb or something?
Yes. Look at the comments of any Seagal video on youtube and you have these retards defending him to death that he was the real deal.

>>215237283
>look, fat.

>>215244699
He is though, he's a world class mma fighter.

>>215244540
You're an idiot, anon. Seagal was never as famous as Stallone. He was part of the golden age of action movies but the major players were Schwarzenegger and Stallone.

>>215244785
Alright zoomie you've proven you know pop culture history better than people who were alive then

>>215245266
Cliffhanger came out the same year as Under Siege, Seagal's biggest hit, and made almost double at the box office.

>>215237516
>finishing a visual novel

His fans grew up

>>215245429
>It's another "zoomer thinks numbers gleaned from wikipedia reflect reality" post

>>215245607
Seagal lost

>>215239031
He's right and you know nothing. Uber jacked heroes were on the down swing in the 90's as you can see with Arnies career. People wanted more Bruce Willis' and less JCVD's.

>>215236611 (OP)
These are all I'm willing to save on my Segal folder.
He should go on Ozempic, if there's one guy in Hollywood who needs it it's him.

>>215245645
>Zoomer doesn't understand career swings in the entertainment industry

>>215236821
I liked it.

>>215245716
You're making shit up this entire thread. Seagal was never bigger than Stallone lmao

I honestly liked Seagal the most out of all the action heroes of the 80s-90s.
I liked that no one co9uld touch him and just kicked everyones ass like they were jeets fighting a white man.

>I ordered this with no pickles
>You put pickles on it
>I want a refund.

>>215245607
Tango & Cash made double what Hard to Kill did and they came out around the same time.

Can you come up with any other argument besides calling everyone disagreeing with you zoomers?

>>215245716
>>215245827
>Tango & Cash
Stallone billed above Kurt Russell.
>Executive Decision
Seagal billed below Kurt Russell.

Q.E.D.

>>215245730
>>215245827
>>215245913
Zoom zoomies "know" the past they weren't alive for

>>215245827
>Can you come up with any other argument besides calling everyone disagreeing with you zoomers?
>>215246103
>Zoom zoomies "know" the past they weren't alive for
Retard confirmed.

>>215246248
zoom zoom zooooom

>>215236611 (OP)
In hindsight, incredibly weird egomaniac makes a movie accidentally way better than his profile and ego can sustained so it all goes sideways
Like his movies before it were kino, but they were closer to direct-to-video grade kino than something that should make someone am Action Star

>>215246277
>durr durrr durrrr

>>215246346
I accept your concession.

>>215237146
it’s under siege

>>215243378
>By Seagal's peak ('92)
Under Siege makes $155 million.
>Stallone's career was in decline
Cliffhanger ('93) makes $255 million and Demolition Man (also '93) makes $159 million. The very next year The Specialist ('94) is released making $170 million at the box office.

Lol.
>>215246411
My concession was that you're a retard. I'm glad you accept it.

>>215246512
No; I already accepted your concession.

>>215246636
>I already accepted your concession
My concession that you're a retard. Thanks for admitting it.

>>215246654
No; your concession has already been accepted.

>>215246848
>I've already accepted that I'm a retard
I know. I conceded that.

>>215246927
>I conceded
I know.

>>215247006
>I know
That you're retarded and lost the argument.

>>215247070
No; you already conceded, and I accepted your concession.

>>215247091
>you already conceded
That you're retarded.
>I accepted your concession
Thereby admitting you're retarded.

Better luck next time, zoom-zoom.

>>215246512
NTA but Cliffhanger and especially The Specialist were really big disappointments when they first came out. Just shows you what a name can do to box office. Interesting what would have happened to his career if Demolition Man hadn't been both well received by fans and a moneymaker.

>>215247148
Post not read as you already conceded.

>>215247824
>NTA but Cliffhanger and especially The Specialist were really big disappointments when they first came out
$255 million in 1993 isn't a disappointment and neither is $170 million in 1995, retard.
>Demolition Man hadn't been both well received by fans and a moneymaker
Retard.

>>215247824
Nta either but they making under siege video games and there were a ton of cliffhanger video games. They all suck though

>>215247896
>t. retard who lost and came back an hour later
I accept your concession.

>>215247992
>They all suck though
Yeah.

He genuinely forgot he was pretending to be Japanese and started pretending to be Chinese but talking like a black guy

>>215242879
>starts using stunt doubles for mundane shit like walking down stairs.

>>215247971
The Specialist was most definitely a disappointment since the only reason to see the film was for Sharon Stone's nudity, which it turns out was not worth the ticket price. Conversely, Cliffhanger was a disappointment because Janine Turner is/was a Christian who refused to do nudity. Jim Carey's spoof at the beginning of the Ace Ventura sequel was better than the original.

>>215236747
Yuop, it's that simple. He drank his own koolaid, huffed all his own farts, etc. etc.
Then he got fat, got salty about his loss of popularity and success. Worse yet he started chasing it in all the wrong places like cosplaying a "lawman" on "reality" TV and sucking Putins cock.

>YFW you find out he was married to Kelly Lebrock from 87 to 96

>>215248150
>The Specialist was most definitely a disappointment
$170 million.
>Cliffhanger was a disappointment
$255 million.

>>215248150
Get your coomerbrain under control mate

>>215248001
>>215248178
zoom zoom

>>215248230
>>215247148

>>215236772
>How hard is it to maintain his early work physique?
Bare minimum for male actors. But absolutely out of reach for our towering white ronin, sadly.

>>215249047
Based

>>215237490
Looks like that guy from Italian Spiderman

>>215237516
>saying goodbye to my v-tuber addiction

>>215242926
I’m sure she originally planned to con a bunch of retards into buying her idea and then leaving them with the bag.
Then she started getting accolades for breaking the glass ceiling and she couldn’t let go,

>>215236870
your questions are less interesting than your insecurities so we're going to discuss those instead

>>215240912
>>215236870
wow, an actual retard
thought you were just baiting

>>215236611 (OP)
Russia man bad. American and Russian Christians must kill each other so the messiach can return.

No one who says we shouldn't kill each other should be ALLOWED TO SPEAK.

>CIA asset
>Mob ties
>Took on the yakuza
>Broke James Bond's wrist
>Made a film about the environment before Al Gore
>Defeated the Warner brothers
>Deputy sheriff
>Cop for many years
>7th degree Aikido black belt
>Action icon
>International businessman
>Wine connoisseur
>Author
>Musician
>Dancer
>Time keeping enthusiast
>Energy drink line owner
>Buddhist deity
>Sex symbol
>Close friends with Putin
>Banned from a country for being a national security threat
>Climbed Hollywood in less than a decade
>Spared JCVDM's life
>Grew his hair back
>Honored as the first private citizen to destroy a nuclear device
>American, Russian and Serbian citizenship
>Has taught Aikido to the special military forces of multiple countries
>First American to open a dojo in Japan
>Has trained multiple UFC champions
>6'4
>7 children

>>215249860
>>Spared JCVDM's life
kek

under siege isnt even good. i never got the hype. die hard 2 and cliffhanger were way better

>>215237516
>clearing my browser history and accidentally deleting my AI girlfriend

>>215245755
Pulling up your jeans to emphasise your package: above the law

>>215249880
Cliffhanger was dogshit

>>215237634
Correct. You suspend your disbelief for shit that is internally consistent or follows genre conventions, you don't hang it for the sake of believing the fat, old fuck is actually capable of the same as a 24 year old hero

>>215236611 (OP)
He was always cringe, but the whole culture was pretty cringe so he didn't stand out enough that anyone noticed.

>>215251425
He was cringe-kino when he made movies where all he fought were scummy losers who never got to a land a hit on him before he broke their arms and legs

>>215236901
>He was as much of a star as Stallone and you could put him right behind Arnold in action stars after Under Siege
Until Under Siege, his movies were always low-budget straight to VHS slop, he never followed up with anything because his break-up with Kelly LeBrock made him look like a douche-bag so he went back to doing straight to DVD trash.
JCVD had a better career than Seagull and JCVD wasn't on the level of Stallone or Schwartznegger, not even close.
I don't know what kind of retard you would have to be to even think this for a second, is that you Steven?

>>215237459
why was this edited from the original wikipedia page to give the album an extra half a star in its rating?

>>215249880
Do Cliffhanger or Die Hard 2 have a topless dance from one of the hottest women of the 90s? Under Siege is better.

>>215236821
this is literally high grade kino, his best flick

>>215236821
It was totally this. It got 6 Golden Raspberry nominations (he won best director) and it seemed weird back then. I also get the idea that it around this time producers/actors started to realise he was totally one note as an actor. Like stallone/arnie both do comedy well, Seagal just does stern.

>>215236611 (OP)
>In a 2018 interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Pamela Anderson claimed that she was a contender for the role of Jordan Tate, but was dropped after refusing to sleep with Seagal

so, what this means is that erika fucked seagal

lol what a fucking whore

>>215252848
Feels bad man. Wasn't a role worth doing that.

>>215238487
Belly of the Beast
Hands down his best movie for all the right reasons. Perfect mix of cheesy fun to watch with your buddies. Steven being absolutely insane, sliding on the floor. Hilarious addition of a stunt double doing a spinning kick then Steven landing.
Bet on casting the double Steven saw this athletic martial arts chad half his weight and said "he looks just like me".

>>215252848
That's an awful thought because that man has one of the most anti-sexual auras I've ever seen, guy makes Tom Cruise seem like a fuck king in comparison

That girl from E.T. … ;_;

>>215236821
This fag obviously has never felt an animal spirit enter him.

>>215252848
>so, what this means is that erika fucked seagal
she denied it
she also looks way better than Pamela Anderson these days despite them both being in their 50s

>>215253748
>she denied it
I don't think most humans would own up to touching Seagal, let alone fucking him

>Seagal
>Cage
>Willis
The holy trinity of 90s stars who wasted their money and went straight to DVD

>>215237283
he actually did it the absolute madman

>>215239031
I think he laid it out pretty well

>>215251758
The punani boost is real

>>215236611 (OP)
nowhere

>>215237516
>when u have 2 flick away the largest booger of your life

>>215240866
>Disarming an opponent or reversing their attacks doesn't look as interesting on stage or in a movie as strike-based martial arts but it's useful in the real world
Someday you'll get into a fight and remember posting this lol

>>215254366
Nah, I’d just flare my meridians and stop the fight before anyone even threw a fist. That’s what real masters like Seagal can do. He actually has to dumb it down to make the movies seem realistic.

>>215242939
Marked for Death is an actual decent action flick. They asked for funny Seagal movies, so I gave a few examples.

>>215253794
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkB9hilLgfY

Imagine what fucking that guy is like when this is the chemistry he has with his wife

>>215237688
aikido kinda fake tho. mmaheads tell you to just learn bjj instead. That, or judo

>>215236611 (OP)
aging is unfortunately inevitable

>>215237516
>that shitty new Samurai Jack season

>>215236821
The one with Mr. Big Balls.
>What does it take to change the nature of a man?
>I need time.
Kino.

>>215248255
I accept your concession.

>>215251658
You weren't alive and are wrong.

>>215236611 (OP)
Too many combo meals

>McCarthy says she was alone in the room with Seagal when he asked her to sit next to him on a couch. After she declined, McCarthy says he began talking about his mission trips to Asia in an attempt to get her to sit with him.

>"He keeps bragging and bragging about himself, and watching out of one eye to see if I take the bait," she says. "So he says to me then, 'You know, this part has nudity in it, and I can't really tell what your body looks like in that dress you're wearing'"

>McCarthy continued, saying she told the actor that her agent said there was no nudity in the project, to which she says Seagal responded that "there is off-camera nudity," and asked her to lower her dress so he could see her breasts.

>>215236849
>makes shit up and posts it day after day
You clearly have autism, faggot.

>>215236611 (OP)
He's gonna make an ozempic comeback

>>215237362
That would be too much to list

>>215255374
>replies day after day despite not being alive when the movie came out
Thank you for conceding yesterday.

>>215255358
Actually based. Jenny McCarthy was a hottie and he made a move. And where is Jenny now?

>>215242926
>>215242977

She made the retarded decision to apply VC capital fundraising tactics to the like one single profitable industry in the USA that has incredibly strict governmental regulatory guidelines.
If her company made software or smart toasters she either would've gotten away with it or dropped off and been forgotten about. Elon Musk and Steve Jobs did the exact same shit of hyping fake prototypes with unrealistic specs and then building less impressive mass produced models later when the hype dies down, but the industries they work in aren't very strictly regulated by government agencies. The automotive industry regulations are basically a cartel run by auto manufacturers who buy EV credits from Tesla which is why Musk got away with bullshitting so much.

>>215255358
>Seagal responded that "there is off-camera nudity,"

>>215236611 (OP)
When he started worshipping Putin

>>215255296
Nigga I'm 50 years old, either you have no clue what you're talking about or you're gay for Steve Seagull.
How the fuck are you claiming he was on the same level as Sly and Arnie you fucking retard.

>>215256571
Maybe it depends on the country. I was surprised to learn how big Van Damme was in some Latin and Asian countries through youtube and internet. In most of the West he was a distant third in my experience.

>>215244785
Seagal was one of those actors who was super famous and considered a top talent, but only for about one year. like Frankie Muniz or Zooey Deschanel. They're everywhere and in everything one month, and totally forgotten the next. Jim Carrey also nearly ended up like that, but he managed to reboot his career later on.

>>215237654
He speaks Japanese pretty well
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrDnZubrLYw

>>215236611 (OP)
When you snatch a man's birthday one too many times...

>>215236611 (OP)
How is seagal not known as walking meme actor like chuck norris

>>215256776
Because he would beat them to a pulp. He's still a towering mountain of a guy.

>>215236611 (OP)
Seagal is Putin's pal and personally training Rusia army

>>215256776
Norris had a solid enough career to build brand recognition with the average Joe on the street. the only people who know who Seagal is are film nerds who make fun of him for being a proto-lolcow.

>>215256571
>I'm 50 years old
Zoomers are so bad at just lying

>>215257181
Indians are so bad at English and arguing.

>>215251094
what kind of bait is this?

>>215256637
He was close to breaking through to the top with movies like Universal Soldier and Time-Cop but I think he was too late to the party and the genre had already become saturated and stale.

>>215257209
Projection.

>>215244622
Imagine being anointed by Steven Seagal

>>215257254

After Time Cop grossed >$100m the studio offer jcvd a three picture deal at $12m per movie. Van damme, who was hooked on blow at the time, demanded $20m because that's what Jim Carrey was getting. The studio told him to fuck off, and that was that for his career