>>718750708
Don't worry about that. The thing about love is that you can't force it or think "yeah I'd love that person" or some other shit. Love is going to find you. Love is the closest thing to a paranormal experience to most and I like the explanation of love from some old Russian guy who argued that it's basically divinity opening itself to a person in the form of another person, and the completion of such love is the completion of heaven within a person, achieving the purest form of love from God to (woe-)Man.
One of his biggest arguments, however, was that love is *not* a good thing in itself, nor will it lead to inherently good things. In the Bible, several people had to throw love away to achieve actual results, Romeo and Juliet doesn't end well, and the result of most true loves is either tragic or one-sided, leading nowhere. Still, you gotta persist, because what else is there?
I was like you 'till like 22, 23? This was all alien to me. Some guy asks me to help him carry things to another place because he had a breakup with some girl that led him to a half-a-year-long heavy depressive episode and I didn't really understand what kinda shit you have to fall through to end up like this. I used to laugh at people who get really sad while talking about their past experiences: like, come on, it's not *that* bad.
Then I go home and see some lady I was acquainted with for a year already chatting with another guy, and I feel my brain just burning inside, yelling "look away, idiot, it's not your concern!" from one side and "why isn't it you?" from the other side. I come home and it *hits* me. Another three days are in pain, then it subsides, then it comes again, then it subsides, "you should really call her now, dude" and "why the *fuck* did you do that?" see-sawing. It's subsided again. We're no longer acquaintances but good acquaintances now. It's unlikely that it'll ever materialise but she's so good I'd invite her to drink some coffee even if I hated her.
