Thread 40834379

/x/ humor thread

>>40834430
Women just don't understand

>>40834491
kek

>>40834608

I reallly gotta figure out one day what this visual glitch is based on neurologically.

>>40834475
dream date right here

>>40835200
>nex
lmao hard nostalgia

>>40834383
love your enemies type of stuff. it is always those jedi teachings with two meanings. forgive, help, but also watch from above, because a only a sith deals in absolute. you need to flow with your own light, sharpen your perception and penetrate your sword of light wherever you can, for it is passive anyway, until they realize that we mean no harm to anyone, but to free, and teach how to enjoy the pleasures of source.

>>40834597
Oh god how did you get this picture of me

>>40835588
ok sure but why does christ look like steven seagal

>>40836709
all the religious guys hate each other irl, lol

>>40834634
The first part is pretty much Posadism

>>40834614
i live like this. whats it mean?

>>40835588
nice, thank u for this

I still haven't found my real life OC, but one day I will, sooner than later preferably.
I like /x/ humour threads for their potential, every now and then when I see such a thread, I see posts that seem as if they were made by people who are on a wavelength closer to mine than usually.

>>40837901
some things never change.
same as it ever was.

>>40834495
Me on the right, except it's Louisiana.

>>40835200
I 'member.

>>40837907
>I have been considering Scientology
We can psi op them into flaming Scientologists to /x/

>>40837546
Radio carbon dating measures the rate of radioactive decay in minerals. Dead animals become minerals through fossilization. Fossilization takes x amount of time to occur. Fossil's age is the amount of time to fossilize plus the age acquired via radio carbon dating.

Kind of funny though. If you're retarded.

>>40838013
>minerals
so when we eat/take minerals we're eating dead fossilized animals?

>>40838034
Dude, never post here ever again.

>>40838034
Not every mineral is a fossil but every fossil is a mineral.

>>40838074
I think about this when I miss being young.
Of course, if I was young and had all my adult memories...

>>40839421
post something funny or eat dick

>>40834495

The last time I stopped taking my schizo meds I was posting hundreds of tweets per day and when some dude got in an argument with me I posted my home address and told him to do something about it. Image checks out.

>>40838013
Nigger, radiocarbon dating can be only done on organic matter (not fossils) and has upper limit in the thousands of years (way to short for any fossilization), the fuck are you talking about?

>>40837202
I'm pretty sure all of it was taken by Alsos glowies

>>40834473
Relatable
By looks alone, I come across like a biker who listens to metal all the time and has nothing going on in his life.
But while I'm drinking my cappuccinos, nobody can tell I'm reading the Kybalion, the Divine Pymander, Enoch, and engaging in perpetual chakra healing/amplification by listening to solfeggio-tuned music, some of which is metal but most of which is 80s jpop.
The only clue they get that I'm not usual is the ruby and lapis I keep on me.

>>40839885
Aware:

Bump

>>40846258
>The sun
>By Noor
Seems fitting

>>40846335
>proceeds to get domed by an 11 year old LARPing as Ariana grande
Life imitates art, surely

>>40839421
>kek'd

>>40847806
Accept!

>>40838013
You need to go back

>>40837546
Neither of these things are true

>>40846335
Amazing concept. Refine

>>40838034
>so when we eat/take minerals we're eating dead fossilized animals?

Just chalk.

This board fucking blows for humor. It's all reposts from normalfags' instagram pages. Pic related is the funniest /x/ related thing ever posted to this site and it came from a whole other board.

>>40846258
It's funny because it's true

>>40850116
t. christfag posting about le demons and bible verses in every other thread who first came to this board during the 2016 election

>>40835977
this toy is a tutorial for magik 101 thats why you see people like trump moving there hands like there opening this ball

>>40850172
Are the other stars conscious too?

>>40850187
The 2016 shit is getting old. Literally. That was 9 years ago. If it’s 2016 and you’ve been here for 9 years, you were considered an oldfag

>>40835533
lost

>>40836898
hey that's pretty nice

>>40847806
Defo accept, this is a once in 1000 years chance probably

>>40850116
You will see how annoying /pol/ can be when you mature

>>40850116
Kek this. Glad at least one other person notices.
I look forward to your post continuing to get butthurt replies

>>40851161
What are the /x/ implications of my wife using a huge one of these things as the body to dress up as a spider when we were in elementary school? Witch or nah?
>tfw went on to marry weird spider girl kek

>>40851276
t. newfag

>>40851607
Lucky bastard

>>40851625
Lmao mostly. I do have to say no to all kinds of spiders on a frequent basis. Jumping spiders are my limit. They're cute and she can have as many of those as she wants. I have no idea why she thinks of going to just change my mind about getting some colorful arboreal tarantula one day.
Interestingly /x/ related, she's got a near-superpower level ability to spot spiders wherever we are at all times. If i ask about spiders at any time, she can point out at least 1 no matter where we are or what we're doing. Just absolute awareness of all spiders at all times.

>>40851652
If you want to hear my /x/ occultist take on spiders, I think they are kind of magical by nature. They are so interwoven with consciousnes that they even live in our minds, scaring us and appearing universally in delirious moments. All this while the physical spiders are mostly chitin automatons that make silken sigils to kill other chitin automatons that come in angled, almost divine shapes.

Cherish your spider girl, anon. I think the spiritual implications (again, in my retarded eyes) is that you have seen the beauty that is the spider and the way they mix mundane and magic.

My elementary school crush ignored me, also being weird and all. When she wanted to settle down at 30 she wanted me again but got angry at me for not knowing what to say in a weird eyes-locked moment. I am not good with people and it made her mad. Afterwards she wanted to try it again but I was out of it. That's probably the bad ending of the weird girl story lmao

>>40850139
The lengths a man will go to to bury his face in some orange carpet

>>40852648
RIBBEN

>>40851276
In three years, the people who came here during the election will have been on the site for as long as the first oldfags had been on the site in 2016.

>>40850139
>Capital as all-consuming ontotheological vortex
The rest of this story sounds like it could be a shitpost, but this alone makes me think this is real and she knows too much

>>40849249
Get meme'd alien
Grey aliens will be known by their shitty memes

>>40835200
Yt thumbnail core

>>40840853
the other day a homeless schizophrenic man told me "you know what you did, tony" and demanded I give him $20. does that mean i'm a bad person :(

>>40850139
I wish I could meet a woman this interesting. I really hope that's not a shitpost and she's out there somewhere. At least it would give me some form of hope that the design of this existence is capable of producing such a character.

>>40840853
>>40853767
Couldn't tell you but I felt called out reading that post as schizophrenics tend to be partial to me, and I've been around more psychosis than the average person is due.

>>40841062
Man that crystal healing shit is the biggest scam

>>40834379 (OP)
I do not rape and kill dogs

>>40852648
I recognize that gay blowjob.

>>40854453
Sauce it then.

>Captcha "KKKJT"

>>40855047
it would be so funny if he actually drew the likeness of an actual demon and everyone who saw the drawing now has to have nightmares of "hamburger unhelper" ruining all their attempts at cooking and burning their kitchen down.

>>40851681
My wife and I make pacts with the spiders and they seem to abide by them. They get out of the way when we need to use an area, they stay out of certain proscribed areas and we almost never see rogue insects anymore. When the spiders get to big they get promoted to garage guardian.

I love x, but these memes make me think we've been stuck around 2012-2016 and just never left

>>40851165
Yes

>>40856547
>we've been stuck around 2012-2016 and just never left
if only it were true

>>40853938
This though, also worship Jesus.

>>40856547
To me it seems like the "Woke v. Trump" politics sucked a bunch of shit in and started moving the rest around it like a giant retarded whirlpool in 2016. It's like a lot of culture just stopped right then and everything else is still spiraling in toward the dumbest possible shit

>>40850098
does the demiurge fight back? how many of us are out there?

It's scary how unfunny this board is. It's Facebook aunt tier of funny, which makes sense seeing how most posts are uncle tier conspiracies

>>40858123
I also find it terrifying how many bitch about the humor like little queers but have nothing to contribute themselves

>>40858123
no image, post disregarded, begone

>>40858123
this board and/pol/'s humor threads are eerily similar to boomer facebook posting without even a hint of irony or subversion

you can use these humor threads as a soft barometer for how much a board's culture has been infected by external populations that are alien to the endemic 4chan culture

>>40858293
Yeah I agree, wsg, fit and lit have better humor thread

>>40837894
kek

>>40858382
Ironically, lit has better religious and occult knowledge than x, but x writes better stories than lit.

>>40859430
Lit and his are probably the 2 most knowledgeable boards. k is knowledgeable but on a fanatism/obsession about weapons. x has some great stories, like a goosebumps book, but buried in a pile of larping and conspiracies that look more like a false flag than a real conspiracy

>>40858123
yeah well my aunt works for a secret society of space ayylium witches, and my uncle works at Nintendo of America as a localizer.

>>40859464
This board would be infinitely better if posters had to first spend some time on the religion threads of either /lit/ or /his/. I'm not opposed to exploring these belief systems in extremely unorthodox ways, I wouldn't be on this board if I was opposed to that, but a good chunk of people here clearly know nothing about the traditions they post about, instead relying on hearsay from New Age grifters and YouTube slop.

>>40859699
Yeah. They see some TikTok with keywords like Anunaki or gnosticism and they create a thread here instantly. Most people here don't have any kind of literacy nor critical thinking, just braindead slop eaters. That would be a more interesting thread to discuss here

>>40859699
All three boards would improve by segregating a new /rel/ board for all pure theology discussion while leaving magic and spookiness to /x/, metaphysical philosophy to /his/, and nothing religious on /lit/ other than book recommendation requests

>>40859804
I like this idea a lot. Would help all boards immensely.
My personal thought on the matter is that the current forceful Christianity posting is an Israeli psyop to funnel people into their local israel support center [church] using the current social tides to push. "Everything sucks now? Don't think about fixing it! Idealize the past and try to live some dream from 150 years ago! Forget about having a better world in the now. Don't forget to tithe :^)"
So I think this would never happen. Too disruptive to current psyopping.

>>40834475
so are there any that you can pick up on like a baofeng?

>>40853789
sadly they have been enthralled by the rainbow flag cults

>>40860345
Real talk, was all the OJ simpson stuff some masonic play? Just odd event all around.
>blackman in bronco
>could be interpreted as dark man on white horse
>police representing order
>wife and other man murdered
just a thought

>>40862394
>was all the OJ simpson stuff some masonic play?
I dunno but that reminds that the masonfags used to have their own police departments

>>40850139
>The books will continue until moral improves
Lol, paddy first dive into saturnian girls

>>40835564
HIS NAME WUZ ROBERT PAULSON

Posting some OG

>>40853938
thats literally napeleons tombs in the hotel des invalides

>>40868014
That's hot.

>>40853938
What if I don't have an elf?

>>40868014
I've had sleep paralysis after drinking sprite , holy shit this is funny tho

>>40859804
>divide and conquer
>good idea

>>40871881
>and conquer
Quit being paranoid and start being pragmatic. None of the boards currently specialize in religion/theology, yet religion/theology is a major focus of discussion on other boards. There is a simple and straightforward solution to this.

>>40871100
based researcher for life, eventually he will find the good answers

>>40869977
heheheh

>>40834524
white people?

>>40871133
lmao

>>40859804
This is unironically too good to happen.

>>40858138
Grim

>>40836875
your brain stopped caring about the difference between outside and inside. i hope it's drug induced because otherwise living with other people is going to get complicated

>>40872497
>Quit being paranoid
>next this nigger shill glowoid will tell me unironicly to take meds

>a simple and straightforward solution
yeah there was some painter-reject once, that had some same solution

>>40850069
to be fair i did in fact never dig deeper than 30 feet...

>>40858123
Thanks, Lori.

>>40875750
>nietzsche
tell me you're a pseud without telling me you're one

thread for alleviating the emotional symptoms associated with being evil, or a doctor

>>40876498
slow down Ted, there's only so much you can fit in that mouth of a mind you call an entertainment system

>>40875750
This is too fucking real

>>40877651
This one is my all-time favorite

>>40875358
(((you)))

>>40851593
never larp as pikachu

>>40834627
Literally me

>>40862195
Just use an SDR.

>>40853938
Damn, I read it as "prepare your elf" and thought it was way more fun than it was.

>>40859804
No, the split should be:
Spookiness
Paranormal
You shouldn't have to see ugly ghosts or aliens to discuss how to manifest your dream harem, have a board you can visit without fearing it'll cause you nightmares where you're dream you're here and scroll down to see something horrendous that wakes you up.
It's as if all the spooky things were there to disuade people from learning these things, and that's why they're there.
If we had a spooky-only board we could have a /x/ you could show your children without having to scare them for life with a thread cover.
Oh wait, I forgot you can't have children because no woman wants to get near you.

>>40868014
The fuck? I've never seen a Sprite with caffeine in my life, should be Mointain Dewmares or something.

>>40881018
This was divine intervention, sending you downloads to be shared with the rest of us Anointed ITT.

I'm preparing my elf as we speak. Thank you, messenger.

>>40881160
damn, pedos have huge heads

>>40877922
>Sees predator trying to hide in metaphorical bushes
>"Glow harder, fed"

>>40834379 (OP)
Ho Kim, motha fucka.. put their craig...

>>40845816
>You can't trust the government because of all this
>You can overlook all of this when your political party is in charge
It's crazy how easy it works too.

>Be male
>Westoid
>AMERICAN Westoid
>Protrot brainworm culture says sex is bad, nature is bad, humans are apart from nature and what is natural is inhuman
>Hypersexual common culture as inevitable consequence of the imbalance
>Tries to deal with conflicting instructions like HAL9000 only horny
>Pee is stored in the balls
>Therefore peeing is evil
>Heard something repackaged from India that was outdated like over a thousand years ago about not peeing by some white guy who heard something from someone
>This appeals to my protrot, but also sounds better than protrot and not being guilty feels better than feeling guilty
>Hold my pee
>Get upset when I pee my pants interrupting my temporary state of peace
>Repeat
>TMW it’s still better than what the full protrot was doing to me

I’m praying for you, anons.

>>40840853
The homeless/schizo thing can sometimes be explained as them just seeing someone who they think they can take advantage of.

>>40835588
I bet you penetrate your asshole with swords of silicon you fruity ass homo

>>40834383
This thread has some high effort, *high resolution* /x/ memes which is something I've never really seen before, or at least I've seen many of these in half the quality. AI upscales perhaps. This one is almost 2k x 2k, OC? >>40882528

>>40885239
I make OC, yes. It had to be down scaled to fit in this website's bad limitation.

>>40885743
Shouldn't this be reversed? The sides of her boobs seem to shrink.

>>40834530
The redditor who made this image is extremely stupid.

>>40877936
Heh, I like this one