my dilemma is that i hate average people and have very high standards for myself because of that. once i realized i was average too my life kind of spiraled out of control. now i'm a weird ascetic misanthrope obsessed with self-improvement because i care more about becoming "better" than i do actually learning about other people, because i view them as lesser. i have delusions of grandeur, of hidden talent that i can uncover through will and discipline. that leaves traits outside of my control like height and member-size to gnaw away at me, and those are just the immediately visible. talent, iq, the list goes on... i can't handle not being good or not winning. i've never considered how other people feel about winning/losing because i only care about myself. i want to be excellent and i'll shut the door upon myself and hide from the world until i return a beautiful butterfly in a world of ugly degenerate fruit flies. my "real life" won't start until this metamorphosis happens, of course. I refuse to let it happen or lose sight of my goals. All or nothing. Super important genius artistic person or i stay inside and rot away like i deserve.
i just want to be good and praised, but at a distance, like some cool aloof misunderstood artistic genius. another secret fantasy of mine is letting a girl get close to me, and leaving such a strong impression she will think of me for life, then shatter her heart; i want somebody to come close so i can hurt that person so badly i'll live rent free in their head forever

>>33383058 (OP)
Do you actually want to change? You've posted this a few times

>>33383058 (OP)
>want to be excellent and i'll shut the door upon myself and hide from the world until i return a beautiful butterfly in a world of ugly degenerate fruit flies. my "real life" won't start until this metamorphosis happens, of course. I refuse to let it happen or lose sight of my goals. All or nothing. Super important genius artistic person or i stay inside and rot away like i deserve.
Bad idea. This is basically the movie Whiplash in a nutshell. Being miserable and punishing yourself is not a recipe for getting good at anything, especially anything creative.

>i just want to be good and praised, but at a distance, like some cool aloof misunderstood artistic genius.
Not a productive mindset. I'm gonna allow to brag about myself here, but it is to prove a point. I am very good at music, to the point where girls have literally screamed out of sheer exuberance at guitar solos I've composed and performed in the past, just as one example. Though I am almost completely self-taught, professional musicians with formal conservatory training have been impressed by me on several occassions in the past.

Here's the thing though: admiration was never my motivation, and I have even rudely shut down listeners at live performances coming up and complimenting me to my face after the show, simply because I was displeased with my own and the band's performance. Humble brag, I know, but the music was always and end in and off itself. I just love playing for the sake of playing. I didn't dream of being a celebrity, because I am not one by a long shot. I just wanted to improvize like Mozart, I just wanted to play the crazy octaves in Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody no. 2, and this love of music for music's sake is primarily what made me as good as I am today. If the praise of others is your only motivation, you will never get anywhere any time soon.

Do you actually have a real passion, or do you just want people to admire you?

>>33383132
i posted this to r9k too because i need to cast a wide net. so many posts are losers like me screaming into the void. there is little chance of a lot of people replying

>>33383186
But my question stands. Do you actually want change?

>>33383180
no. talent made you good. genetic privilege.
a fundamental youth milestone is industriousness - being good at something and being noticed by your peers for that - having a reason to be around. if you miss that you're fucked up for life.

>>33383058 (OP)
>>33383180
An important question to add to this: When you see someone who is insanely good at something you wish to be good at, like singing or playing an instrument, how do you react? Do you feel bitter envy, or do you get really insecure to the point where you want to give up or not even bother trying, or do you get inspired and motivated? Only the last mindset will get you to where you want to be. These last few days, as an example, I have been observing and examining Martha Argerich's immense technical prowess, and I currently feel a surge of motivation and inspiration as a result. Do you have this mindset?

>>33383132
Blogging essays about it with no real intention for action is an extension of the naracissm

Even this reply will give supply

>>33383218
it is a confusing mixture of envy, scorn, and self-hatred, especially if they also one up me in other aspects of life (looks, status, education, intelligence, etc.)

>>33383197
Don't get me wrong, talent absolutely is a thing, but I still needed quite a bit of perseverance to reach my current level. For instance, I didn't really start playing piano and reading music until my late 20s because of logistical reasons, and I'm not from a musical family, and learning to read music was an absolute slog in the beginning at that age. Until then, I was just a glorified bedroom guitarist. Why did I learn to read music? Because I wanted to play Mozart, and now in my early 30s, I'm rocking Mozart's sonatas like a champ. Also:
>genetic privilege.
I'm a highly neurotic, mentally ill, borderline shut-in, and I haven't gotten laid in years. Trust me, I am not worthy of your envy, just because I can play Chopin. We all have our crosses to bear.

>>33383248
NTA, but have these feelings ever lead you to actions, that made you better? Guess not. So why don't you stop whining, acknowledge that you need to learn some shit and start working on yourself! Otherwise self-hatred will tear you apart.

The first and most important step is to accept yourself.

>>33383132
yes i want to change. in fact my attitude is change-oriented, but it's at odds with my intense disdain for the average person (who i need in order to measure my success), the fact that i'm nothing special, and the reality of talent. if i were really smart or talented i would've done something by now. certainly i've tried.

>>33383248
You need to work on this then. I'm not sure how to flick this switch in your brain, but you need inspiration to fuel your fire, not envy. I got mogged really hard last year by a professional, conservatory-educated keyboardist during a live performance. Since I have crippling stage fright, I botched my simple beginner pieces that I can normally play in my sleep, before he proceeded to play a Mozart sonata with beauty and intensity I didn't even imagine possible considering the shabby piece of junk we had to perform on. It really reinforced the idea in my head that there are no bad tools, only bad craftsmen, and motivated me to try even harder to reach his level of proficiency.

I love the guy, btw. He's fucking great, and he believes in me more than I believe in myself.

>>33383340
i just don't like interacting with people. when i talk with somebody i either try to be avoidant, feign ignorance to avoid any connection until they leave, or sometimes i only think about what the most interesting or funny reply i could give to make the person think i'm smart

>>33383227
i have very high standards for an acceptable answer. also usually before people start replying i grow bored and tired of whatever fit drove me to make the post in the first place.

>>33383380
I guess any critizism towards you will be an unacceptable answer. I would bet you have a bad relationship to your parents(who always wish you the best even when critizising you).

>>33383360
Well, you're talking to me now, and being honest about your problems, so that's a start at least.
>when i talk with somebody i either try to be avoidant, feign ignorance to avoid any connection until they leave, or sometimes i only think about what the most interesting or funny reply i could give to make the person think i'm smart
You need to cultivate a sense of authenticity, Though I have fallen out of love with Bill Burr as a person and comedian, I listened to his podcast a lot in my early 20s, since he had a lot of younger guys writing in asking for life advice, and one nugget of wisdom he told completely changed the way I interacted with people. To paraphrase:
>You know that voice in your head that stops you from speaking whenever some weird thought pops up in your head? Just ignore that voice and think instead "Eh fuck it, just say it. See what happens".
It made my life so much better to just care less about being liked by others, and treating most interactions more like improvized free jazz rather than a rehearsed stage play. Read the room of course, but people on their deathbeds regret all the things they didn't do in life more than the wrong things they did do.

>>33383418
That doesn't help. How does everybody else deal with being a useless loser who will never make anything of intellectual or artistic value. I want to exist in a unique and spontaneous way instead of spending my life learning to mimic greatness like I do at school. Maybe if I wasn't a brainlet I would have gone to a place like that. The last time I was happy was when I was maybe 14 years old. Back then I was the top dog...

>>33383058 (OP)
hey anon, my family circumstances summarized below should clarify very sincerely why you should seek help immediately lest you suffer a similar fate.
my family of 3 uncles and a younger sister (my mum) got very wealthy in the 80's/90's in the meat trade. the 3rd eldest son was given almost carte-blanche over the company, even though share-wise the company was my grandfathers. this son had 0 oversight from either of his 2 older bros or his father. also his sister had an industrial accident at their factory when she was 16 that left her right hand mangled. she got an insurance payout of 100k (mid 80s) which went into the business to purchase a bigger warehouse.
this son was living large like the rest of the family - house, sports car, expensive clothing, he even had ownership of a track horse.
fast forward to today, and he's living in a car outcast by the whole family, ruining everyones lives by trying to steal every cent through a bullshit supreme court case. he spent 40 years pissing away money all over the world, and when my stupid grandfather finally decided to take action, he lost his mind. he's even set his eyes on the inheritance of his sister who still worked like 2 men for 15 years despite having a mangled right hand, believing that she would be taken care of.
if he's not a psychopath, he is absolutely a severe narcissist. with the amount of money he was wasted and debts he's accrued under the company, the family is still willing to let that go and give him his equal share of $2 mil and wind up the company, but he's so much of a narcissist that he wants to punish everyone and try to take it all. he is estranged from his own children and even hates his grandchildren. his 40 years of drug abused also doesnt help.

what you have is a personality disorder, and you should seek help to deal with it. even if you aren't as severe as my uncle, such feelings will keep you away from the joys of life and have a sad and lonely life.

>>33384264
There's no cure for personality disorder. Therapy is completely useless.

>>33384264
Also a problem is that I don't want help. I want to achieve my unrealistic goal and will suspend everything in my life until that is achieved. My real life might just never start but I'm fine with that because the alternative makes me want to kill myself

>>33384306
this only makes sense if you truly believe that chasing that unrealistic goal will keep you mentally occupied until you check out. currently you're setting yourself up to be completely alone past 45, and the reality of that is cold as it is dark.
if you're going to continue like this, you also need to stay away from any relationships, because you will ruin their lives also. i'm not sure if you could commit to this, because the rate at which my uncle openly used people increased with his age and isolation from his family.
I can't fault you for not living a life I deem worthy, so it's fine if you want to continue the way you are - just remember that you will hurt anyone you come into contact with, and whether or not you can keep yourself from doing that is highly debatable.

>>33384372
I'll probably kill myself in a couple years if I can't become excellent. So 45+ isn't a concern.

>>33383218
Also it makes it hard to enjoy anything because the accomplishments of others make me so mad at the world and myself. If I read a great book I only take away
>wow I'll never be smart enough to write something like that
A recurring daydream topic is singing my favorite songs and pretending I wrote them and my singing is a performance being praised by others. I do this as a grown 20+ adult not a middle schooler

Have you ever been in love

Just another howiefag
You will not achieve greatness
For you cannot recognise greatness
You are too shrivelled up in your petty little world of littleness
Desperate for scraps
Little scraps
Little
Dog

Get a job

>>33384843
No I don't have an interest in other people. In fact I haven't talked to a woman casually in over a decade

>>33384843
The only emotions I've ever felt towards women are hatred or lust

>>33385155
I have been trying to improve for years while everybody else lives their lives and success comes naturally..I shouldn't have been born. I only exist so the talented, in moments of doubt, can say
>well at least I'm not THAT guy

>>33383058 (OP)
>Once I realized I was average
Fellow narcissist here. Yea it’s brutal dude. My thread is the Borzoi shadow dog about aging.
>obsessed with self improvement
I used to not have to do anything and so I never equated improving with getting rewards I got the cart before the horse so to speak, and now I simply cannot justify “trying” for the rewards of life when they were just handed to me at a young age. Parents used to be rich and gave me a gold Amex card and I used to get pussy easily.
>my real life won’t start until this metamorphosis happens
Oh dear…
>want adoration and to “shatter hearts”
Yea I used to have girls that would loiter around my house after parties hoping I would choose them to sleep over. It was crazy man. I didn’t know how good I had it. The worst part is I unconsciously just treated them like shit and they loved it. It’s so fucked up. Now I’d simp for them and repulse them
>A recurring daydream topic is singing my favorite songs and pretending I wrote them and my singing is a performance being praised by others
Yep I used to do this in my early 20s. Damn

Yea you’re in the road to ruin buddy.

>>33384479
>>33385611
>A recurring daydream topic is singing my favorite songs and pretending I wrote them and my singing is a performance being praised by others. I do this as a grown 20+ adult not a middle schooler
You guys both have your issues, but this isn't one of them. Everyone does this, everyone daydreams about being a rockstar occassionally. We watch movies and read books because as a species we like to live vicariously through one another. The important thing is to cultivate gratitude and admiration for the artist you're channeling, rather than bitterness and envy.

>>33385611
At a young age I always got what I wanted by throwing tantrums where I would sit down in public and refuse to move. Maybe that's what I'm still doing now. Sitting in place, refusing to pass normal milestones like having a gf or getting a drivers license, because I'm not getting my way. It is unfortunately that it won't work but I have no desire to do anything else. Excellence or nothing. Me me me me!

Just remembered I'm a manlet so my mood is already ruined for the day

>>33383284
>I'm a highly neurotic, mentally ill, borderline shut-in, and I haven't gotten laid in years. Trust me, I am not worthy of your envy, just because I can play Chopin. We all have our crosses to bear.
I don't believe you are narcissistic at all.

>>33385592
Woah calm down there, everybody else is... Just as untalented as you *sigh* -_-
So just chill and commiserate with your fellow bros
Learn how to recognise true greatness... Hone your eye for things. Don't put small fries on the pedestal, put great things that deserve it!

>>33385631
Not to the level of modern society no... I'd say this shit is working against our species. People frying their brains chasing that 5 minutes of fame and recognition they don't deserve. Freakin sit. Look around you. Not at stupid celebs and mirages and phantoms brought by screens.

Then and again. If you truly have something to bring, go forth. But too many ppl just want the social brownie points rather than having an actual fervour/passion/dedication for whatever it is they wanna bring forth, to show to an audience and instill something, a message, a concept, whatever... Look at Howie, can't pick up a pencil but constantly whinging wanting to be an "artist"... Just clout and nothing else. Don't produce, plz. Only create if ur soul wants to. Clout is alright if it's deserved. Don't want a million copycats chasing the clout rather than the substance.

>>33385840
I want to be smarter. I'm thinking of taking an IQ test (legit administered by psychologist in controlled setting) and killing myself if I get below 130. I'm already short and ugly, so if I'm also dumb and untalented, why live? I'm nothing more than what I do. If I enjoy playing music, but somebody is more talented than me at that, what am I contributing? I should just step aside and let the gifted thrive. It's all I can do as a midwit.

What's ironic about recognizing greatness is that I don't have the intelligence to fully appreciate it. Trapped in the darkness created by my own inferior brain. I've owned a coil of strong nautical rope for a while... And just like that I nearly cried for the first time in a year, nearly...

>>33383196
I want to change in my own way. I need to reach greatness at something, but all I can do right now is mimic and follow orders like a good little lackey. I have no creativity and I'm scared of any reminder that I'm a failure. As a result I shun social interaction, and make every moment a way to try to show how intelligent I am, but I know they know I'm nothing more than a pedantic,overcompensating midwit missing the forest for the trees.

Again I have zero interest in people. I view them as obstacles or adversaries. All that matters is if I become good enough for myself. Obviously that is impossible physically because I'm a disgusting (maybe autistic), unhygienic loser, so really all I have is the comfort of my head. I've become skilled and readily dissociating in uncomfortable situations, and I always position myself in a room to ensure that if I become too panicked I can easily slip away.

>>33383058 (OP)
I'm assuming you've already done some self research on your affliction, but just to put things in perspective, narcissism is indeed just one of the ways highly insecure people cope about their shortcomings. Narcissists tend to love control, and they view themselves in high regard in order to distance themselves from shit that's outside of their control, such as height and member-size, as you mentioned, as well as other shit like trauma and feelings of unworthiness.

Basically, your best bet is to go out and get humbled. I too used to think I was hot shit, because I covered myself in a cocoon like you; and when you're surrounded by sand castles of your own making, there's no one to challenge you as king. Then, due to my own narcissism, I got fired from my job. This was my first big wakeup call. Then, my second wakeup call was getting hired by this dude who decided to give my a chance despite my fuckup at my old job. Then, third wakeup call, my coworkers were a diverse group of people, from the motherly type, to the athletic girl, to the jock, to the nerd girl, and the party animal, etc. etc., and basically they opened up their arms to me and accepted me, warts and all, and they humbled me too. I was real shit at my job at first, but they were patient with me, and I realized if the shoe was on the other foot, I would not have shown others the same patience that they extended unto me. Later, because I worked out a lot and was physically fit, I thought I would take them to school at basketball, but they totally destroyed me because they used the power of friendship to coordinate their plays like some sort of Disney channel special. I was like the fucking villain getting rehabilitated by the power of friendship, it was absurd. We literally did Disney channel special bullshit too, like telling stories around a campfire while eating marshmallows, and sleeping over at each other's houses, and random shit like that.

>>33386090
i'm already post humbling. that's the problem. when people are "nice" to me i know it is nothing more than politeness because they are uncomfortable with my socially inappropriate behaviors and obliviousness. when i start to have fun i realize i'm becoming complacent, snapping me out of the delusion. getting humbled didn't make me more empathetic towards the average person, relating to their struggles that i share. instead, for me, the easier choice was to just start hating myself too because i was trash like them.

>>33386113
That's not being humbled, that's more akin to...being torn down? Being humbled is like "Ah, shit, right, there are other big fish in the pond too; how foolish I was for thinking I was the only top dog", or perhaps it's something like "Hmmm yes, I see. Now I understand that I must respect even the tiny minnow, for they too are living creatures deserving of respect as well".

Remember how I said narcissism is just a reaction or a coping mechanism for people who are deeply insecure? Your insecurities clearly stem from lack of exposure to the real world. You expose yourself to the world once, and instantly shy away from it so that you learn nothing from these excursions. You MUST make yourself uncomfortable until you can handle more and more of this exposure. Perhaps, in your case, being "uncomfortable" could even mean "having fun", since you mentioned you can't do that for too long without resenting it. I recommend going out more often and trying to have fun in a group setting, and remaining in that group setting even when it makes you uncomfortable. You must become familiar with failure, and learning to accept defeat in a healthy manner.

Humbling yourself requires true change from within, not just contributing to more inner turmoil. Keep humbling yourself, take yourself out of your sandcastle where you're always the victor, and where you're always number 1, and learn to lose to bigger fish. And when you lose to these bigger fish, shake their hand and acknowledge them on their skills and victory. You know how good you feel when people acknowledge your skills? They're the same way too, it makes them feel good as well. Spread the love, and half the time, they will return a compliment back at you.

In fact, that's a good idea. Learn to compliment people more often. Think about how you feel when someone praises your efforts, and try to do that for other people around you.

>>33386146
>Think about how you feel when someone praises your efforts
i become mad and pity them for thinking that what i did was deserving of any praise. i never reward myself for effort. effort is a means to an end which is judged.

i would like to have fun in a group setting but i'm short, ugly, and stupid so people don't like talking to me.

i AM familiar with failure and my entire life is a testament to this. the problem is that the failure never leads to anything. unconstructive failure because i'm too stupid to truly understand what is going on. oblivious

shaking the hand of the fish is for cucks. ideally big fish should feel bad. they didn't earn their success but society worships them for existing. nobody earns anything.

>>33386194
>short, ugly, and stupid
Boom. I was thinking this in my head, but was simply waiting for you to confirm it. You narcissists are a dime a dozen on /adv/, you are NOT the first one I've spoken to, and you will NOT be the last...But I've also seen many of them change for the better, and I don't see why you can't too.

Now sometimes narcissists SAY they're fat and ugly and short and balding and blah blah blah, even though they're actually quite normal, or even the opposite, and I don't know which one you are; but I highly recommend you do some physical activities that will boost your self esteem.

Remember, narcissism is the result of insecurity, and right now you're very insecure, and your body reflects your mental state. I recommend learning a martial art and getting into weight lifting. Learning how to defend yourself against other men will do wonders for your confidence, because if anything, you can always fall back on the age old "at least I can beat them up", and weight lifting will make you look good, which makes people want to hang out with you. Good looks are like getting your foot in the door; but it's your personality that determines whether they'll let you in for a cup of coffee, or shove you back out onto the sidewalk.

>ideally big fish should feel bad. they didn't earn their success but society worships them for existing. nobody earns anything.
This is also EXTREMELY common cope I hear on this board all the fucking time. The truth is, they DID earn it. You just TELL yourself that because it's easier to reconcile with defeat that way. I even reckon you might even know this is cope on an intellectual level, but simply can't abide it on an emotional level, because the truth is painful to you. This is why I ask you to begin complimenting others and shaking their hand when they best you as a mental exercise. Start small, then work your way up until you can become more and more comfortable with it.

>>33386216
i don't want to be a weight lifting brute. my idea of a strong, healthy body is that of a gymnast, swimmer, or cyclist. somebody with a lot of dexterity and cardiovascular endurance. and focusing on cardio makes it about health instead of aesthetics. i already know that lifting weights for aesthetics is futile because i have narrow shoulders, wide hips, and a big head, so my proportions will always make me look weak and small. the only reason i do anything for my health is because i know i will only feel worse and worse. but i want to raise my base level, not try to maintain myself against eroding forces like time.

the world is more cut throat than you think. all you get by being submissive and friendly is the reputation of a kind, naive retard.

bump lol

bump 2 lol

>>33383058 (OP)

Okay, I’m right with you there until the end. Please let go off that toxic negativity. It will only hurt you. If you are truly the artist that you say you are, try to think more beautiful thoughts instead.

Try to meet people where they’re at. You don’t have to spend too much time with them or try to be like average people in any way, but try to relax and realize that people being average only makes you stand out more, so in a strange way, you should appreciate that average, mediocre, normal people exist

As far as your art, be present in the moment. Yes, you will need to continuously improve, but you have to put yourself out there, because if you are constantly waiting for everything to be just right, you will miss out on tons of opportunities for experience and growth

>>33386401
I'm going to put it like this. There's a number of categories that people can excel in:

1. Physicality/Fitness
2. Intelligence
3. Social ability/EQ
4. Finances/Status

If you really wanna delve deeeeeep into it, I'm sure you'll think of more categories, but for the most part, these are the four metrics by which everyone in the world gets judged; how they look, how smart they are, how well adjusted they are, and how successful they are.

Now let's look at you:
1. You clearly admitted to being not JUST ugly, but also physically unfit. It doesn't matter whether you lift weights like a gymrat, or know how to fight people with boxing lessons, or can run miles with great cardiovascular health, or all of the above, because as you admitted, you're absolutely none of them, so in this category, you score 2/5 stars, because at least you have some sort of goal or aspiration to work towards.

2. You say you're intelligent, and I feel like that's really the only thing you think you have going for you, so I'll take your word for it and give you 4/5 stars, good job.

>>33386401
>>33389148
3. You already KNOW you're not mentally fit, and you wouldn't be making posts like this and admitting all this bullshit if you were. You are anti-social, not well liked, friendless, and inwardly hostile to everyone else. You also refuse other people's sage advice, and defend your own self destructive actions, and while you have just enough self awareness to realize something is wrong with you (this is the bare minimum as it is, not very impressive stuff), you lack the self awareness needed to work towards betterment. Automatic 1/5 stars.

4. I don't know how rich you are, but it seems like your music or art career isn't worth shit. You also likely don't have much status because all of your shit is phony and performative in order to give you the allure of mystery, when in reality you sweat bullets behind the curtain. I'm going to ASSUME some people are impressed by your facade that you work so hard to keep, so for that you get a 2/5

Now let's look at your overall scores. Out of the FOUR categories available, you fail MISERABLY in all but one of them. Now this next part is gonna sound obnoxious, but I'm going to go ahead and evaluate myself, alright?

1. I lift a lot, and by /fit/ standards, I clear 1/2/3/4 for 5x8 working sets. To those that know, they'll tell you that these are pretty solid metrics. Not the best, but certainly much better than 80 to 90 percent of most gym goers. I also train MMA 2 to 3 days a week, and have an 18 mph sprint, which is pretty fast for someone as heavy as me. Realistically, I give myself 4/5 stars.

2. I don't know my IQ, but I've always been good in school, and I've always been naturally curious and perceptive. I'm good at noticing patterns, and I like to write, especially poetry and debating, and my poetry has even won me money at my university's writing fair. I wouldn't call myself the sharpest knife in the shed, but I'm not stupid either. I give myself a 3/5.

>>33386401
>>33389148
>>33389167
3. I am what 4chan would probably consider a "normalfaggot". I am sexually active, I have a large and diverse friend group. I go clubbing on the weekends and get invited to house parties, and these are things I actively enjoy and look forward to rather than simply fantasize about or endure. I give myself a 4/5.

4. I'm in my late 20's and I have my own place and have enough disposable income where I can support the lifestyle I currently have so long as I'm careful enough to budget. I have recently begun looking at purchasing a home, and it is not uncommon for me to comfortably drop 200 dollars or more on dates and nights out so long as I don't go out more than once a week. I would say I've got about 4/5 stars.

>>33386401
>>33389148
>>33389167
>>33389198
Now just comparing me to you. I want you to know this; I am actually humble as fuck. I know that's a funny thing to say because I basically just spent two posts humble bragging to you, and I'm going to spend the next few posts humble bragging some more, but I need you to understand a couple of things; I was not BORN fit, nor was I BORN rich. In fact, my family was so poor we lived with bedbugs for an entire year straight because we couldn't afford bug spray and the landlord was pissed because we were always so behind on rent. In highschool when my facial hair first started to grow in, I would scratch at my face in the night and wake up with blood under my nails because I couldn't tell whether it was my own beard or bedbugs that I was feeling on my face. I was fat too, because the only thing we had to eat was rice, pasta, and butter, so all we ate every day was carbs and oil and salt. I WORKED to become the man I am today, and yet I became a much bigger fish than you; who wallows in tide pools even though I know you can grow much larger if you dared to leave your shallows.

When people best me in sport or competition, or when I notice someone else excelling at something that I've also got my hand in, I make it a point to congratulate them, because their success does not threaten me. I am happy and comfortable with my own growth, and seeing someone surpass me does not take away from what I've already accomplished, nor does it detract from the things I PLAN to accomplish. I shake hands with my betters, and yet, from my point of view, YOU are my inferior. The difference between you and me is that I don't think you're inferior to me because you don't lift the same amount of weights, or go to the same parties as me, or make as much money. I think of you as less respectable SOLELY because of your toxic and self destructive mindset. You think I don't have non-lifting friends? You think I don't have poor friends?

>>33386401
>>33389148
>>33389167
>>33389198
>>33389209
You think I look down my nose at people just because they never went to school, or learned a martial art, or can talk to girls? I don't give a FUCK about any of that-- hell, if you simply learned to chill, I would be your friend too; but you're not chill, are you?

I know all this because I too used to be a narcissist, and there are some parts of me that still are; but I try everyday to change that, and I can see you want to change too, otherwise you wouldn't be reaching out like this. I can tell you're unhappy. I can tell you're insecure. I can tell that you're lying to yourself, even if you might not always realize it; or when you DO realize it, you wave those thoughts away because the dissonance hurts you. But change does not come from without, it comes from within. Start small, and take baby steps if you must. Learn to give praise, especially those who are in your same line or work or hobby, even if you must bite your tongue while doing so. You are not a big fish; you are simply a minnow who has overgrown their tiny puddle, and thus imagines themselves a great shark. Broaden your horizons. Spend more time outside of this echo chamber of your own making where you crown yourself king over and over and over again whenever the real world blows in and knocks it from your head. Once you ACTUALLY become a better person, the hatred for others will slowly dissipate naturally over time. You say you don't want to lift? Go run, go swim, do everything you said you'll do; but while you're doing that, don't look down on lifters, or non-runners, or people who don't work out at all, because you have to remember, that used to be YOU.

>>33383058 (OP)
It’s called main character syndrome which goes away with age + exposure to the real world. you could also have Aspergers, as you come across as some flavor of fake with poor self awareness.

Anyways the best cure for a coddled npc such as yourself is an ass kicking. Always. It will show you your place

>>33385872
Sounds like this guy
https://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/33235471

No, knowing greatness is not about just appreciation, it's about not appreciating too, it's about dismissing categorising ranking assessing lala. One can't fully appreciate because they lack context, not because of fluid intelligence. But because they don't know any better. The crystal network of the mind hasn't had the chances to develop yet. Or you are stuck with mental blocks and barriers that take a lot of experiences and learnings and hurt and anxiety to unravel.

Mental illness doesn't exist, sexuality doesn't exist, intelligence doesn't exist. Lol