>>33383196
I want to change in my own way. I need to reach greatness at something, but all I can do right now is mimic and follow orders like a good little lackey. I have no creativity and I'm scared of any reminder that I'm a failure. As a result I shun social interaction, and make every moment a way to try to show how intelligent I am, but I know they know I'm nothing more than a pedantic,overcompensating midwit missing the forest for the trees.
Again I have zero interest in people. I view them as obstacles or adversaries. All that matters is if I become good enough for myself. Obviously that is impossible physically because I'm a disgusting (maybe autistic), unhygienic loser, so really all I have is the comfort of my head. I've become skilled and readily dissociating in uncomfortable situations, and I always position myself in a room to ensure that if I become too panicked I can easily slip away.
