Thread 33452622

Life can be literally anything you want it to. I could become and be anyone I wanted and do anything. Not only am I healthy and young, I am also from a well-off family and have had a life of safety, freedom and opportunity. No matter what I think about life reality and the world, or whatever I think I know about those things... No matter how bad things get I can still choose to love and work on myself to be better. But instead I choose to be a pessimistic faggot that blames anything that can be identified as an object, person or circumstance. Because if this isn't the case, how come I haven't solved my life by now then?

And I really wish I wasn't so stupid of a human caricature that observing all of this in me I had the ability to tackle my faults and change for the better.

I know I'm wasting my life. I know I have moments of weakness and crutches. I know that not changing is spiritual death. I only don't know if I want to truly change. If change will be worth it.

The argument is that no matter how muscular or cool or succcesful I get, I a mere man cannot escape or free himself from the trappings of this modern post-industrial techno-surveillance system of today, living among cowardly foolish peasants and abiding by the same rules posited by the ruling class in this democracy charade.

I already lost weight, got fit, read books, developed skills and aptitude and everything else, once and fell into despair many times. I just said "It'll get better". And here I am, back in the hole. And every time I got back up, the fall hurt more. And I can't get up anymore this time. Maybe I learned, like every young man eventually does, that this is it. And just become a cynic absurdist wagie yes-man. Taking solace in cigarette breaks and naps in front of the TV. From fantasies and "aspirations", to ON / OFF decorated with sarcasm.

I have never been weaker than I am now. And I don't see the point in being strong anymore. I am running out of convincing arguments to not let go.

>>33452622 (OP)
That's the final joke to existence, OP. The joke is on us. The joke is that we take too seriously what God made for fun. That's the punchline, the end.

>>33452622 (OP)

It is just the midwit curse. I have created for myself a sheppard's tone world in which I have to fight back at everything and have an answer. Average intelligence people just are, and whatever faults they might have they more often than not just live with, while the geniuses do not even concern themselves with such matters and instead reach for the stars. And here I am, smart and aware enough to recognize my shortcomings and flaws, but not wise or willing enough to enact the changes necessary to skew them. Dummies and Geniuses know what the Midwit doesn't. Art is meant to enrich life, right? The dummy knows this, the genius knows this. It is the midwit that goes on in deforming loops about it and creates abstract art and noise music.

And nobody has the answer. I don't have it. You don't have it. A quantum super-computer wouldn't have it. Maybe because there is no answer. Maybe because only I do, but are unwilling to do what it takes. I cannot take it anymore. The absurdity of it all. The futility. There was never anything but punishment of my own creation for trying to be better. I never got along with people. I never valued what they did. I never invested myself into their matters. Because I didn't care to. One could then posit there isn't much to life at all.

>>33452717
And the real problem:

I'm am currently an obese antisocial, asocial shut in. Things just have to change for me before I become some deformed teisted freak down the line, too spiteful to die amd be given the chance to ruin someones life, somehow.

This state of mine is not sustainable. I am not weak enough to fall into drug use, or vice, or Schadenfreude, at least yet. All my negative experiences just eat me up inside. I almost wish these feelings could kill me, rather than maks me more cynical and deformed down the line. What if in 10 yeads I become a Discord tranny? Is that preferable to death? I have been here long enough to see all there is to see. How do those people come to be? And what makes me inmune?

>>33452722
What is the fault here? Is it me seeking a logical solution to an emotional problem? What's the difference? If I think about it, I' just an advanced ape, living in a concrete jungle pressured by social norms and rituals to fit in and reach a metric of success. Living for nothing?

Stop thinking and just live? The same, an animal in a cage, masturbating and ruminating, forced to subdue impulses and desires under the threat of poverty, hunger, and state-sanctioned violence in a world of already owned space.

Is there a third path?

>>33452750
I haven't read Camus, yet.

>>33452750
>Is there a third path?
Yes. It’s called stop thinking yourself as intelligent just because you have analysis paralysis, brain chatter in your skill, rumination 24/7. That’s not being smart, that’s being neurotic.

Actual smart people understand this: All ideas, no matter how profound or novel, are fucking worthless unless acted upon. All of them. They’re just thoughts. They’re as worthless as worthless gets, they don't actually exist. Unless you make them exist.
And verbalising them ad nauseum in some weird pseudo intellectual fashion on 4chan is not acting in them. It’s just venting them out like a fart. All fart and no shit. So take action, take a shit.

Imo, go into academic research for engineering, specifically bio engineering. Force yourself to learn it.

>>33452622 (OP)
Be more of yourself and don’t ever change a thing. Reading your schpiel was quite empowering.