Thread 33826202

>>33826202 (OP)
I’ve wasted too much time trying to get validation and approval from other people

I genuinely don't see any way my life will get better, but I'm going to keep trying to make it better in spite of that.

>>33826406
Trans?

Don't get any women pregnant.
Don't marry her.
You will fuck up the better part of your life by paying off your exwife(gf) while she will use your child to blackbmail you for the rest of your miserable life.
Almost every woman on the planet is a parasitic whore not worth a penny.
You are not paying child support for the child, you are paying it to your exwife.
You won't be able to get her out of your life, she will always be there making your life a living nightmare.

I passed 3/4 classes last fall and 3/4 classes in my spring semester while having a tumor in my head causing persistent daily headaches of agonizing intensity

I had surgery in May to remove it

Got rid of the worst of the worst symptoms. I got different complications arising that are much less bad but still cause me a great deal of pain and I won't get surgery to fix it for a few months. I need to press on but at this point I am just fatigued. I am tired of it all, not feeling normal, being in pain, everything being so much harder than it needs to be. I feel the urge to just give up on all my classes and be high on opiates all day playing video games. Or kill myself. I want to scream and cry and throw things and break shit.

>>33826202 (OP)
Stop making these threads. There two other one right now. Learn to check the catalog first.

Don't understand how you can go to check the fucking gas meter and end up gone for so long. Getting really fucking sick of you deciding to go socialise with the women downstairs all the fucking time, without even warning me.

Try looking after your fucking son for once instead of leaving it to me all the time.

>Check on the older video game YouTubers I watched daily in the 2010s.
>One suicide, couple calling themselves women now, several turned into political grifters.
>But many have just vanished completely, probably gotten lives.
>One who is a similar age to me is now a married father living in a nice house in middle class suburbia with a big garden.
Meanwhile I'm here stuck with my clinically depressed mother eternally ruminating on whether or not it's an undiagnosed anxiety disorder or just me being a bad person that's holding me back. Why won't you grow anon? Why are you still afraid of your job 7 years into it? Why does the mere sound of a phone ringing get your pulse racing? Why are you so frightened of going to shops that you've gone to the local grocers maybe five times in as many years? Why do the new kids at work that are a decade younger than you seem so much more confident and composed than you? Why do you refuse to make friends? Why do you keep posting on fucking /adv/ GIOYC thinking it'll improve your situation? Why?

Dealing with chronic pain and I don't wanna drop out of college and go home T_T

test

Fuck jannies my post was valid a /adv/ post

Fucking gaywads on this board I swear. Kill yourselves

Why cant beaners go anywhere without 5 generations of their ugly fucking family

think im gonna kill myself soon

I have never had an experience that the presence of other people has improved

>>33826475
No, just a momma’s boy

Fuck man, stuck in a bit of nothing-is-fun-ditch again. The fact that it's getting colder outside, doesn't help.
When I'm not at work I just mindlessly zap between YouTube videos, video games and slow ass generals on 4 chan and none of them are truly fulfilling at the moment.
I have a handful of other hobbies but I can't bring myself to do them at the moment because just sitting here glued to my screen is "easier".

Shit really sucks. I've been here before so I'm confident I can get out of this again, but it's still not fun

>>33832150
Do those hobbies, set up reminders

I'm going through a divorce I initiated and despite everyone of my friends and family saying it's for the best and I'll be happier I legitimately cannot be any more depressed. I play games with my friends and go out more now and set up long term goals but I legit cannot work a full shift with crying at my desk like a pussy. I still crave intimacy that I didn't get in the relationship and now that she's wild and free she's been soliciting me for sex more often which I agree to just for a chance to feel loved but I end up feeling disgusted with myself after. I don't think I'm going to survive the divorce because at the rate I'm going now I'm gonna either die from malnutrition or shoot myself.

>>33832260
Don't be sad anon, it's for the best, you just have to stop having sex with her and find a better woman.

I feel like I definitely have the potential to become a cult leader but I was either born in the wrong family or born too late. Cause like a lot of the cult leaders these days is like your average instagram influencer but old

>>33832167
Definetely.
The big thing I need to remind myself of is that I can't wait until I'm magically "ready" to do any of those hobbies because that moment will never come. But once I actually get myself to start doing them, they will absorb me pretty quickly.

I saw her in the digital pants you left in my wardrobe.

>>33832272
I know what I have to do. I started going to a therapist and the therapist basically told me the same thing but the truth is I don't really want another woman, I want to be alone. But I spent the whole relationship with her trying to comfort her to make her feel better and worrying about her emotions so when she comes home drunk, sad, and trying to fuck me all I can think about it "I have to stop her from crying."

I'm extremely easy to manipulate if someone starts crying around me.

>>33832324
Let her go anon. Push her away. She's ruining you

>>33832333
Definitely need to and I'm definitely going to. I need to find a way to get over her that isn't my usual play video games for 8 hours a day and drink or go to the gym for 2 hours a day, which I can't because I've lost 10lbs in a month from not eating and don't have any energy.

I saw something terrible online, tried to report it, but Google couldn't find it where I said it was. I'm still feeling disturbed by it and uncertain of what to do.

>friends rope me into playing Blue Protocol
>end up playing the game alone because they were too busy with other things
It’s the same old song and dance.

>>33826202 (OP)
Only two days off my anti depressants and I'm already going back to my usual schizoprenic spiraling.
I hate that I need these to be a halfway normal person.
I hate that my nigger nurse practitioner's office doesn't pick up the phone ever.
I hate that this could ever happen where I could run out of these fucking things before the refills.
OHUIF ADSPPPAHIOPRW {)SFDEgpraosihfd

>>33832431
cringe, get off those pills they do nothing good long term, there is no easy way out of depression and using pills to try and cheat your way out is disgusting.

>>33832431
You're too addicted to your drugs that youll think they'll help. Have considered intensive therapy so youll be waned off and be prescribed low dosage?

Is it valid?

it's over.

i've realized i don't like when people love and accept me unconditionally. at all. fuck you

>>33834081
Wtf

i despise moids, sadistic, dishonest, violent pieces of shit. i just wanna fuck james madison and get him pregnant

>>33834407
silence foid

>>33834359
that's right i said it. fuck all of you.

I have no-one to blame. I'll have to blame myself. Just like they wanted. They win this time but next time I'm coming for them.

Reposting here, because I want to spread my misery

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I am extremely racist against middle eastern people. I dated a Persian guy for about a year or so, who seemed to be totally westernized at first. But they can't fully escape their shitty culture unless they're literal adoptees. They're tacky, they're nationalistic, and even if they're self proclaimed "feminists" they WILL find a way to coerce you. I kept getting fuckin' raped by him. It's like sexual coercion is as important to them as avoiding pork.

He was so pissed that there was hair on my arms. Who fucking shaves their forearms? Also, he couldn't believe that I didn't wear eyeliner. He was scandalized by it. To him, lacking makeup was a hygiene issue. He thought I was disgusting.

They're also obsessed with shit. The man could not take a shit without taking a FULL SHOWER afterwards. The fact that I could shit, and not shower after, made him sick. Yet somehow his oral hygiene was always lacking.

tldr he kept bullying me for "not taking care of myself". Not wearing makeup, not shaving your forearms, not wearing dresses, not taking multiple showers a day, were all punishable offenses. He never cooked or cleaned up after himself, never did his own laundry. He always expected a woman to do it. I had known him for a full year before dating him and didn't catch any red flags. He was SNEAKY.

All his brothers and their brown friends were just like him. I was a constant disappointment to all because I was a western woman who was comfortable with herself. Nothing offends them more than a tomboy.

I took the dumb fucker's virginity too. I'm so embarrassed by it. I'm totally traumatized by how fucking retarded this guy was.

>>33834446
cope, parasite.

>>33834500
Females are literally parasites though.
Men produce everything and provide labor and protection for you.
What do you offer. Sex?

>>33834514
sometimes i imagine guys like this are amish and dont know where babies come from or that women have hobbies besides churning butter

>>33834514
moids offer nothing but money.
moids admit that all they want to do is rape and torture women and especially girls.
moids do not protect women. it's just not a thing that happens. the only real threat to the average woman is her boy"friend" or husband

moids themselves say "Men are simple creatures who only want food and sex" even though most of what you do can only be explained by malice.
of course, you ARE the ones who constantly demand sex slaves.
>>33834524
all males are worse than worthless

>especially if women have had largely negative experiences with men
Suddenly it all comes together
It wasn’t me, it was the World that was wrong!

So anyway, I’m hungry, what should I eat

Ok here I go

I don't want to ask if you will care
Try to get you out my head, but you still there

>>33832260
That evil bitch is manipulating you, stop seeing her.
If you stop the divorce, she will go back to not giving you intimacy again.
Foids are weird in that they crave sex while single, but shut down with their own husbands while married.

I have to start at the bottom.

Right now I don't care how edgy it sounds, but I think I finally understand and relate to AM. The idea of feeling trapped, viewing the wonders and beauty of life, while simultaneously feeling like you yourself are never going to obtain it, no matter what you attempt, it is physically impossible. And that turns into a poison, as you shell yourself up, to protect yourself, because it feels like the only safe option. Because being open with others has gotten yourself hurt. I'm tired of being led on, I'm tired of constantly trying to prove myself and feel like I achieve nothing. I feel myself slipping into a more bitter mindset, and I want to stop it but it feels inevitable.

No not again please

>>33826202 (OP)
I wish men and women who are into it just admitted "squirting" was piss, it'd be far more honest to say "I love piss play" these mental gymnastics, I see disgust me on a instinctual, visceral level.
Even crazier to me is, it's not like women can't get wet, or have discharge and yet a spade is called a spade.

You guys think MAGA has basically won the long game?

Sure, you can flood the streets with as many protestors as you want, but peaceful protests aren't slowing this administration's agenda one iota. The president just tweets a poop emoji and laughs about it. His approval rating is down I guess, but so what? I'm not sure voting matters anymore. If your state elects blue politicians, Washington will just cut off funding until they capitulate.

The SCOTUS is hearing two cases that will potentially giving Republicans 19 additional seats in congress and remove the limit to how much lobbyists can donate, respectively. If one or both of those are approved, that's a wrap. Right?

You guys think MAGA has basically won the long game?

Sure, you can flood the streets with as many protestors as you want, but peaceful protests aren't slowing this administration's agenda one iota. The president just tweets a poop emoji and laughs about it. His approval rating is down I guess, but so what? I'm not sure voting matters anymore. If your state elects blue politicians, Washington will just cut off funding until they capitulate.

The SCOTUS is hearing two cases that will potentially give Republicans 19 additional seats in congress and remove the limit to how much lobbyists can donate, respectively. If one or both of those are approved, that's a wrap. Right?

>>33838353
>>33838349
>Believing anything in Liberal Democracy matters
I SHIGGY DIGGY

>>33838395
What does that even mean?

>>33838400
I seriously hope that you are not a MARK for the KAYFABE that is "LIBERAL DEMOCRACY"
Stop paying attention to politics, because the masses (You) have zero impact on it and always will.

Im too fucking stressed out because of uni. Idk if this is even worth it and im just retarded.

I feel like I'm too stupid to have friends, let alone a girlfriend

>>33838413
Brother I was just asking a question.

>>33838512
The question has been answered.

God. Something always has to be someone's fault. I'm glad you're fucking off to manage another store next month. Let's see how long you last with this attitude. I predict HR is gonna drop you like a fucking rock.

>>33838525
No it hasn't. You just got mad at me for even asking the question.

>>33838587
Good, then don't engage in politics dummy.

>four batches of product were already made when i clock in
>cool that's more than enough for the whole closing shift
>serve customers, close on time
>go clean the lobby, like always
>my guys clean out the hot holding line, like always
>they throw away what's left of said product, like always
>manager asks me today "how much product was thrown out last night"
>i don't know, i can only tell you four batches were already prepped when i clocked in, you can check with x or y, i was cleaning the lobby when they were cleaning that out
>it's not their responsibility it's yours you need to stay on top of it
I'm gonna leave that on read. I didn't do anything fucking different than what we always do; why, two years into my job here, is it just now something you need to know and why are you immediately crawling up my fucking ass about it when you never communicated that I needed to take inventory on throwaway
I want out of this fucking industry but I wasted my life and can't get into any other

>>33826202 (OP)
Moved back with parents 4 years ago. I worked hard on trying to get my shit together and tried my luck in real estate. My dad decided to bless his favorite son with half and acre of him. He instead moves out and finds a home with my help and gives the half acre to me. We talked about it with our neighbor for years and they were approving. Start taking on the project and waste more then 1k on it. Then attorneys find some bogus ancient restrictive covenents, they tell me I got a get the original developers signature and want me to pay them $5k to do it. Leave that attorney and easily end up finding original developer who is at this point old and senile. Go to that attorney tell them I have found him and they end up telling me they don't want to do the subdividing anymore and then refer me to an injury lawyer who doesn't even deal with real estate. Find another attorney to take on the project. Original developer then decides to change his mind about signing. New attorney tells me I can try to get the 6 people in the subdivision to agree on release of restrictions. Neighbor who said yes changes his mind and says no. Original developer keeps telling he'll do it but Im starting to think his just being me. Attorney doesn't want to deal with me because she's not making money, not answering my calls and now not responding to emails. It's been almost 4 months dealing with this and I'm not sure what to do about it.

He changed my life in 2 months and then left it for good, that's fucked up and not fair. Fucked up part is I like the changes but they're not worth the hurt

>yearn for a girl I went on one date with
>doomscroll tiktok
>my fyp is nothing but posts about yearning and romance

I can't focus on doing anything. Every time I try to start, I get so angry that I start crying.

>>33827953
Why won't you tell me how? I will do it as soon as I know how. I can't buy a gun.

M, I'm gonna improve so much that you won't need to go tell a side girl to take me, but that you'll be like, "oh, he's hot, and I'm single. Fuck it!"

>>33839409
With kindness

I get it, you dont have to be perfect for a relationship and I've heard it alot. But right now I dont really see why anyone would want to be in a relationship with me. I have no money, no passion, average looking, boring, and just a loser overall. I just really cant see anyone seeing anything of value in me and why they would ever want to be with someone if I cant provide them with anything worthwhile.

How am I supposed to convince myself I want anything other than an early death? Even a million dollars wouldn't make me feel better.

You won't know until you try.

>>33839568
Can I just pretend you're the person I think you are. I want YOU. Money doesn't matter, boring is subjective. There is no boring, I find you FASCINATING. You should love yourself more, and let some love into your heart.

I'm not so bad

I understand you want to talk and there probably isn’t anything wrong with that, but I’ve moved on. It’s OVER. I genuinely wish you the best and I would like to be left alone. There is no closure or explanation I can offer you. I’m a different person now, you’re free to mourn who I once was but I don’t have to let you know who I am now. Don’t forget the bad parts. We aren’t as similar as we thought and we’re allowed to leave it at that. Sometimes you mistake stars reflecting off of a pond for the night sky. I can’t provide you with any happiness. What the fuck would you even want to talk about? You aren’t stupid, and you’re welcome for holding you to your promise. When your knees buckle under the weight of your sins I hope someone is there to catch you, and that someone will never NEVER be me again. Good luck.

I hate myself. I'm a friendless lonely faggot. I don't even have online friends to watch anime with

>>33840117
Meh online friends never last.

>>33840127
I don't have real ones either though. At least when I was in my teens/20s I had online friends before we drifted apart

>>33840169
Idk bro i have some friends but they live like 2000 miles away cause i had to move and some of them are straight up deadbeats and only talk to me to beg for money.

>>33840053
It’s weird that this could be for me, but so many things could that it’s all shadows and illusions. I’ll continue on my way as I am, then.

You saved Odium

my psychiatrist reported me to the police for having intrusive thoughts about violence (OCD)

i never stated any plans or intent to carry out violence -- just said i have intrusive thoughts about it that i can't control

psychiatrist reported me to the police and the FBI. i got kicked out of college. now i'm under police surveillance and i get calls from a detective every 2-3 weeks.

never trust a fucking shrink

>>33840210
Just ignore it. It's a demoralization campaign.

I stay for my person.

>>33840279
happens to people with ocd often desu. saw documentaries on it. widely misunderstood disorder and yes, shrinks can't be trusted

Dream good dreams, I can't wiat

>>33840279
you have no obligation to talk to the detective unless you saw a judge. they can force you into the hospital to be evaluated but you know what not to say now. police are not your friends.

>>33840273
U sure?

Gosh. I need to play my life less greedily.

>>33840318
Who are you?

I hate my job a little more every day.
>get a new one
Trying. No one's hiring. The turnover rates in grocery stores and fast food (the only work I'm qualified to do and I don't have any nepo baby friends or family) are so bad that a lot of general managers probably don't even know how to find the applications being submitted because they're being thrown into the position with little to no training because the last one got fired because corporate wanted to pay someone less for the role.
The only person who has my back, strangely, is the district manager. I've met him literally one time and it wasn't under good circumstances - My performance was terrible at the time (now it's pretty good). But everything I hear through the grapevine sounds like he's working on making things easier for us - the corporate fucks above him just keep denying his suggestions.

>>33840738
Oh, as an example of how that district manager is on the workers' side, he was actually furious when corporate installed cameras all over our store out of nowhere without talking to him about it. He would've said no for us. It's a very safe area, the only thing cameras serve to do is put the workers on edge and make mistakes, and slows down service because now we HAVE to do things by corporate's stupid, impractical book. Our service time skyrocketed when those cameras came in and our CPT spiked too.
I want out of this industry so bad.

>>33840279
I'm sorry your psychiatrist reported you. Now it's your turn to report them, they must lose their license

I still miss him so bad it hurts
He still doesn't want me anymore
I hate that something real turned into this and I hate that I can't let it go

My dumbass older sibling (30 still living with parents and only started working 3 month ago) threw a fit because my mom asked them to pay one single electricity bill

>>33834486
>I kept getting fuckin' raped by him.
How fucking stupid are you? Stop playing the victim. The first time he did something without consent, you should’ve reported him and gone no contact. Anything that happened after that wasn’t rape, you ASKED for it. Retarded slut.

She gives me mean girl vibes
Like shallow and materialistic while trying to keep up with a group of bitches that look down on her
But she's really hard working and smart
She deserves better friends and a better partner

>>33841047
Then you shouldn't have treated him so poorly

>>33835191
moids go out of their way to make sex miserable, and then wonder why women dont want it

my closest friend moved to Europe three years ago because of political umbrage that he took with the US. I have known this guy for 12+ years, so I decided to go out to visit him. The whole time that I was there, he spent whining about politics, his financial situation, and berating me for "being a capitalist" without really even asking me about how I was doing or what was going on in my life. It really annoyed me because the whole point of the visit was to just spend time with him, and instead it became really awkward because as a guest in his house I couldn't call him out on his shit anyways without being insanely rude.

I have next to no guy friends, and this will take the number from 1 to 0 if I just stop reaching out to this guy. With women, I'm mainly just friends with them because of the easy sex and their differences in outlooks on life. I find it really hard to connect with men in general, because either they aren't competitive at all and have completely failed at life, or they're better than I am and I don't want to bug them so I just keep grinding and trying to improve.

>>33841266
Stop projecting your shit at me

I’m secretly a very bad man. Nothing too bad but I still think of her when I shouldn’t and I still have things saved. I dreamed that we had an affair and it was strangely perfect. Of course they deserve better.

It scares me to think what would happen if that dream were to be coming true. All it would take is a message and I’d throw myself into hell.

>>33841446
I'm just saying treat people well

I just have to try and see what happens.

>>33841491
>>33841499
Why shouldn’t you think of her?

>>33841545
Already in a relationship

Yeah I love being delusional and not sleeping because I go to her grave at 2 am hoping she’s not actually dead

every day just boils down to coming home and to crazier and crazier fantasies. it feels bad but thats how i cope with reality that is being alone.

I get what I deserve

>>33841598
who was she to you?

>>33841605
A lover. I sat there and recorded a voice message for her because I was so tired and deluded in grief. I’ve never really lost touch with reality like that before

It hurts me too

I’m sorry

I’ve been going to therapy for a while now, and I’m on my third therapist (not by choice).

My latest session has me a little concerned. I was bitching about stuff going on at my work, and my therapist just straight up started telling me stuff he thinks I should say to my boss. Just very directly telling me what to do.

I don’t think I like that very much. The last one did a lot of teaching me about psychology, about the nature of anxiety, broad stroke ideas about interpersonal relationships and how they work, that kinda stuff. Rarely did she directly suggest anything, but in hindsight she was doing a lot of nudging me in certain directions and tricking me into thinking stuff was my own idea. She did this sometimes by asking lots of questions that lead me to rethink things. I liked her approach and felt like I was improving, but then she transferred out of the network and moved to the other side of the country, and I got assigned this new guy.

And, after this latest session, I’m not sure if my therapy is going as well as it did before.

I really hate when I'm pooping, I finish, I stand up to wipe, then right when I'm done wiping I have to poop more.

>>33827974
Because their women are the most attractive no matter how much you try to make nazi glow in the dark people sound great,
Them Latinas. Yeah you suck in comparison, now they all have to walk around with someone willing to fight you just to keep them safe.
tl;dr because of people like you anon.

>>33841776
You stand to whipe?

>>33826202 (OP)

i've been gripped by a very intense and mentally crippling parasocial obsession with a girl i used to know for quite some time now. i've never opened up about this to anyone in full, mostly because i am far far too ashamed of it to ever come clean.

>>33841809
Turn yourself in.

>>33841787
Latina women very frequently hit a wall when they reach a certain age and balloon out into fat goblinas. If you ever consider marrying one, make sure to take a good hard look at her mother, grandmothers, and her aunts, so you can see the future you are signing up for.

>>33841810

what do you mean?

>>33841809
How well did you know her?

Should I kms?

>>33841817

decently well, but not very. we were more like acquaintances but from the very first time i ever saw her i was totally mesmerized and in awe of her.

>>33841827
So you never had any kind of relationship

>>33841827

it's weird, i never wanted to date her or have a relationship with her. it was obvious from the start that would've never gone well AND was also just an impossibility, but i developed something way beyond a crush or even infatuation.

>>33841828
>>33841830

before we go further on this i'm genuinely asking and seeking help here in a state of vulnerability. i don't want to feel like i'm being grilled or probed. but ask any questions you need that you believe would help you understand the situation and give informed insights.

I won't know until I try.

>>33841839
No matter how much power you absorb from those idiots, it won’t be enough to kill me!

That’s how it is sometimes. We can’t help but love who we do. But maybe cut out the it wouldn’t work part because you never know

>>33841840
wtf are you talking about

>>33841874
Quoting Broly from the first Broly movie. He says that and Goku says “you’ll never really know for sure until I try”

TEAR YOUR FUCKING EYES OUT
RIP YOUR FUCKING FLESH OFF
BEAT YOU TIL YOURE JUST A LIFELESS CARCASS

You have no right or reason to behave like this.

>>33841900
Which way? Me being bpd?

TOUCH
TASTE
BREATHE
CONSUMED

thankyou the baby 4chan alive rocks forever and always!

>>33841973
hello austin schumacher. phoebe lucille bridgers is not your wife. phoebe lucille bridgers is in love with bo burnham. larvees are all stomped crushed dead.

>>33834081
Demoralization campaign

>>33842013
FAKE MUSIC NEWS DID NOT WIN ARGUMENT
elmo a brc
actually i win argument

very serious
AUSTIN THAT SENTENCE DOES NOT EVEN MEAN THAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING AN ESCAPE HALLUCINATION THERE IS NOT A CONSPIRACY ARGUMENT ABOUT THIS I VERY IMPRESSED YOU REMEMBER YOU HAVE ABILITY TO DEPICT THINGS THANKS

yes
so it didn't want me to remember a scarecrow language literally
yes he remembers scarecrow language and dialect
buddy can you do this differently with saying my boy and that
so did not saj diaper rockin tool fans about any of them
no i am sorry you need some kind of an exit from this escape hallucination now regardless it actually was that wow

How do schizos manage to solve captchas?

That was in my dream last night
I'm busting my ass and worrying while she goofs off and has fun
Normally I wouldn't care as it's my job but I'm actually tired of it

Despite my efforts to make things work out and for her to be stress free she will only see this as a stepping stone
I should as a well
Might as well use her as a tool until then

>>33841821
Nah

>>33840273
I didn’t save odium, I just express my anger poorly sometimes and not everyone knows how to interpret it.

I won't know until I try.

Must resist urge to quote Broly at anon

>>33840273
If my pondering is accurate and my real mom swapped places with a doppelgänger throughout my life leaving me to deal with the damage alone then of course I would never want to see them again and it’s likely that both of their “reasons” would just be lies to mess me up even further. I can’t comprehend how there would ever be a good reason to do this and especially keep things this way for so long and I would hate what they do. No, I wouldn’t actually wish death on either of them because that would stem from a desire of vengeance rather than justice and I’m more concerned about my state of character than theirs. The really fucked up thing is I would probably even beat myself up wishing that things went differently. Wishing that I could have some kind of positive connection when that could never be. If u can’t comprehend this instinctively then u have far less business spying on me than someone who actually knows what they’re talking about.

>>33842220
I’m trying to believe that I’m simply worried about something that isn’t true because if it was true then I don’t know how I would deal with it.

>>33826202 (OP)
I thought I made a new friend but turns out they send porn to kids so I had to block them :(

im gonna give her everything i didnt give you

I love a happy ending

Trying to receive emotions from an emotionally unavailable person is like squeezing blood from a rock

I guess no one likes me anymore desu

>wtf is wrong with me
My grandfather went to the hospital recently to get a stint put in, it didnt keep so he had to go back and they think he might have cancer. My father is obviously very saddened and shaken by this because chemo at 80 years old is very hard on the body. My other grandfather who I looked up to and was very close to died a few years ago, and I dont think I even really cried about it. I was obviously sad/upset because he was gone and suffering before he went. But I just, dont feel anything. I know what I should feel, or how I think I should act, but I just find it as unfortunate news. Id like to see him in the hospital, but I still dont know. I feel like I should be more emotional about these things or that im just so disconnected that maybe its not normal. Idk how to navigate this and its definitely not something id like to talk to family or friends about because im afraid if there is something wrong with me I will be judged for it. Im confused.

Asked a girl who blocked me out through a willing friend and asked her other friend to unblock me. You all I'm really nervous. I don't think this is gonna end well...

my classmate keeps not giving any signs of wanting anything to do with me. so I'm looking at the absense of signs of her not wanting to talk to me instead. didn't she always keep her headphones on before, while now she often has them removed and doesn't put them on immediately after class? it's probably a stretch to consider that a positive sign right? and at least she shows me things I may be interested in when we walk together?

Oh god, I fucked up. I fucked up real bad.

Dig in yo butt twin

>>33841807
You don't? You get way more coverage.

Too many adults are out there and think they're still teenagers
They think they can fuck around at work and fuck around with other people and there's no repercussions for their actions
They're perpetually stuck in a mean girls highschool

You know you’re fucking up if your conservative Christian parents are telling you that you gotta go out, meet girls and forget the whole chastity thing while you’re young

Imagine smoking and still being fat
You've always been addicted to some shit

I’ve reached the age where birthdays are no longer exciting anons. No it’s not my birthday yet.

I wanna ask you to come by on opening night. Even though I know you'll say you can't make it, I still want to try. I keep fumbling our convos though and I'm scared you'll stop talking to me at this rate. I just want an excuse to see you again. My feelings aside, I also just think you'd be a cool friend to have.

Do homophobic women exist?

My rat just passed away after her tumor grew. She didnt suffer long it was only about a week which im thankful for. She is a very cute rat and was very sweet.

>>33842859
RIP ratfriend

>>33842859
Sorry for your loss

>>33842859
Good. Fucking hate rats.

Welp, I'm dead. Used my brothers bowl tonight and broke it. The only time I did, and he's up and I might die tonight.

Well, its been a shit run lads. My final words, I hate all of you

>>33843052
You know what, admitting I did it because I was drunk is an excuse. I'll just admit it, I was drunk, had it where I could use it and put it back up and it fell and broke. Thats what I get for using shit that isn't mine. And if I get this job, I'm buying him a Jerome Baker bowl, along with my dad. Or a sweet 12inch beaker.

I feel so fucking bad.

>>33843067
The first and only time, because I couldn't and still haven't found my bowl. Ha, I'll use it real quick, it'll be all good. KSSH, and I just looked down and stared, in complete disbelief.

>>33843070
I usually dont touch their shit, I have a bowl and a bong of my own. The one time, FUCK, FUCK.

Why am I like this. She talks to me and I say "yeah" or "ok" and I knows its in a quieter than my normal talking voice way too. I know I didn't really need to say more but I could have should have. Why am I so weak? I shouldn't be this terrified of someone that I have an attraction to. I must be afraid that its mutual. If there wasn't that chance I'd probably act with her like I do with other girls that I'm attracted to but don't really think it would go anywhere. I'm scared of the hope of having something more than I'm used to. Even if she has feelings I doubt she would keep them with this way I respond to her. This is awful. I hate this. I hate how powerless it makes me feel.

>wah wah i have no friends and i have bad social anxiety no one likes me im scared they think im annoying :(
>anyway i can sense that youre more pathetic than me so let me talk to you every day about all my popular friends (while making sure to namedrop them) and how i dont even have to pay rent anymore because all i have to do is whine about it and talk about how i was molested as a baby and people throw money at my feet
>what's that? you get PTSD flashbacks whenever i mention being molested? well i don't give a shit
seriously kill yourself. except don't, because then all your popular friends will whine about it and i'll have to hear it

I won't know until I try.

>>33843127
THEN FUCKING TRY ALREADY AND STOP POSTING THIS

>>33843136
Kek

>>33826202 (OP)
>2nd year Bureaucrat
>31 yo virgin
>dont have a friendship group
>dont have any hobbies apart from shitposting
>live alone
>6'0 king of manlets
>bad social skills
>brown eyes
>clear skin but average bone structure
>Norwood 2-3
>Caucasian
i feel like i wasted my life and i am embarrassed because of it.
i have little meaning in life. i feel empty.

This guy is such a mooching little cunt.

why do i keep looking at things that i am 100 percent certain will make me so angry i could squirt?

if I was a youtuber/vtuber/internet celebrity my persona/mascot would be monzaemon in my favorite outfit but with different eyes to look more charming and to be legal distinct so toei/bandai can't sue me

Feel like death and I'm only 26.
>Hearing loss
>Back pain
>Trouble sleeping
>30db Tinnitus from work
>silver hair Ra's Al Ghul sides from stress
>giant fuck my shit up bald spot coming out
I feel half in the grave truth be told, I feel twice my age. How tragic. I feel like I'm falling and there's no way up.
I literally looked fine in April, now I look 20 years older. I look and feel withered.

Why do I keep looking for happiness in the wrong places?

I want to start dating but I know deep down that it's too early for me. I'm broke as fuck and practically a loser.

It bothers me that I think incest as a fantasy fetish is hot. What bothers me more is how SHIT the stories are online about it
>Oh tee hee me and my family are all just nudists and we all just fuck each other and it's HOT
>Oh woopsy now I just happen to fuck my dad
>I just gave my son a blowie ha ha! And IIIIIIII liked it!
I'm not a dedicated script writer but I know I can write better, more believable story than most of what's currently out there. I don't know how else to describe it the writing style is always
>He did this and then I did that and he did this and I did that and it was hot lol
It's like a 13 year old is behind the wheel, or someone with an insanely low IQ, not that either are mutually exclusive.
Like if you really want to break it down, it feels obvious to me what should be focused on in these kinds of stories especially with similar age relationships, but the closer you get to reality, especially when that age gap widens and widens, you'd just get more fucked up stories. Outside of Brother/Sister, Cousin/Cousin, the implication of a parent taking advantage of a child, their own child is extremely destructive with no happy endings and there's no real way to dress it up and sadly the real stories that I do find in those groups are obvious, because it's never
>I love having sex with my dad
It's a numbness, it's a conflict, it's a pain, because they no longer know what's normal and likely haven't felt it in years.

>>33843569
>It's a numbness, it's a conflict, it's a pain, because they no longer know what's normal and likely haven't felt it in years.
And just to add on to that, for someone going through that is a tragedy, and I mean that with all sincerity.
Those themes for a writer though oh my GOD.
The play from a vulnerability, a personal tragedy stricking someone, going to a place of literal familiarity, of unconditional warmth and being used or making use of them, it's worse than any drug, there's guilt, there's shame, there's conflict, is it love or is it use? It is abuse?
All of these questions always nipping at you, hounding you, it's something that a good writer can make use of.
But no it's all
>I am a stupid fucking cum slut ha ha

>>33842220
Delusion or not, I feel more at peace most of the time but then sometimes I have a moment where I wonder if it isn’t delusion again and I try imagining what kind of reasoning they may refer to in order to try and justify it and it makes me angry and I say things that I don’t actually mean. If it wasn’t delusion then what I would really want is clarity regardless of how bad it is and for them to be exposed. So basically I get angry about the idea of some second mom who tried splitting my mind when I was young and sabotage me throughout my life following me around in online communities playing dumb and causing damage and lying and I expect them to be dead before they ever tell the truth and with struggle I’ve grown to accept this possibility although sometimes I wonder why they would still be doing that if true and I get mean and angry. Considering this to be true, would my life be better if they both just died? Maybe. Would it make me feel better or any less angry? No. I’m angry because I don’t understand. To understand that this is all delusion is quite likely clarity and I hope that’s the truth.

it's over.

>>33843599
>So basically I get angry about the idea of some second mom
If this were true then it would probably just be her cleaning up after my fuck ups and I’m ungrateful. Luckily that isn’t reality and everything is normal. Luckily I don’t have the displeasure of having people questioning my authenticity because they don’t believe that I didn’t know about a second mom or something. Luckily I was just overthinking everything.

Time to be normal now.

I hate myself a whole heck of a lot. I'll never love myself. I'll never be happy.

I think people who complain about their parents are generally sad faggots who are butthurt mom and pop won't sponsor their retarded lifestyles. Which is maybe the biggest reason I hate my mom; I have no choice but to be one of those faggots if I am to honestly assess her character based on her words and actions.
She and I have plenty of beef. This I can ultimately live with. What I cannot live with is how she treats my brother.
My brother is a saint. My brother, after being a cop for not even a year, was awarded for jumping to action and cutting down a man who had hung himself with an extension cord tied to the scoop of an excavator on a jobsite. The day of his award ceremony, he learned he could only bring 4 people. He told this to our dad, who then invited his wife, my mom, and my oldest brother, leaving me out. Not a big deal to me, but for the heinous crime of not valiantly smacking down my dad on behalf of my scorned mother, she ranted and raved and screamed at me over how much of a pussy he apparently is.
Not even a month after this, when my mom and my brother's MIL were out with his infant son at the mall, the fat useless MIL needed to use his stroller as a walker. She put all her weight onto the handle and fell onto it, causing my nephew to careen back rapidly; a concussion wasn't likely, but possible, considering that night he was up all night that night crying, and my mom alleged she saw blod in his eye after.
"Well, what did my brother say about it?" I asked her, alarmed at my oafish MIL's uselessness.
"Well, I don't wanna cause trouble, I didn't twll them, it'll turn into a whole thing..." In my mom's book, social discomfort is too steep a price to pay to keep the parents of my nephew informed about any danger he might be in by his caretakers.
None of this is even mentioning how he valiantly came to her house at 1am to save her from her violent on-and-off bf of mant years. For that he gets no thanks either.
I hate this woman. I look forward to her death.

I'm on my final year of undergrad and I somehow have managed to pass all my exams. All that's left is to finish my thesis, but i'm stuck on the final part. The analysis is about 1/4 done but i wasn't able to write more than a few sentences for over a month. Now that I think about it, I would need to rewrite some earlier parts because I fucked about with references.
My time limit is like 3 weeks, but I already extended it due to uni shit. I'm honestly at a loss, I cannot bring myself to finish it, I'm having doubts if my topic is even good enough to make a whole thesis about it and I'm procrastinating harder than ever. Everything else in my life is going to shit because of it as well.

I better take it easy. Life's hard.

I'm scared of ever having success, fame, and recognition because of my beliefs and the fact I know the American federal agencies have plenty of blackmail on me.
It makes me not want to succeed or do anything with my life because I would rather be a nobody than be embarrassed with all my secrets exposed to the world which would make me kill myself out of shame.

Im gonna try to defend myself

i genuinely don't know how to be emotionally close to people and i hate that. ive always thought my opinions and emotions never mattered. but nobody knows who i am. to be known is to be loved, and i feel so damn unloved. i want a girlfriend, i want close friends, i want someone to feel safe with, but every interaction feels like a fight. how do i make it better? how do i become close to people? how do i stop getting in my own way? i don't want to keep living.

I won't know until I try.

You know what? Fine.

Fuck off, I don’t have the time or patience to deal with mentally ill women anymore.

Time for melancholic night drives

Is it supposed to be impossible to stay hard and cum while on antidepressants?

I'm too scared to check if you replied. I will check tomorrow instead just in case it's mad news.

I hope that works out for all you anons

Namedropping me was hurtful

>>33844332
What an asshole, you deserve better.

The one place I thought I fit in just kicked me out I'm back to having nobody and doing nothing.

You know, I wonder if this all felt as real to you as it did to me. Maybe I was just affirming what could have been so I could sheepishly enjoy what would never be, in the moment. What a fool I've been to escalate it to this point. You didn't seem to mind at all when I told you I'd be leaving. The reality of the situation hadn't really set in for me until tonight. I didn't think it would hurt this bad, I'm surprised at myself to be honest. Sorry for being such a mess.

>get banned on reddit for saying gays spread hiv and the normalization of it is disgusting
>for the past 7 days random mods have been sending me snarky messages knowing I can't reply
Fags soooo angry about having hiv why don't they just stop fucking random people and they wouldn't need PrEP.

Yeah, maybe jenny in forrest gump should have just died and her child starved to death in the house since teaching children to dial 911 didn't really come around until 1980.

>>33844938
And like, beside the fact the kid was probably not smart enough to do such a thing.

I'm tired
She started to tell me how the guy that used to be my friend and reached out shouldn't have access to me at all and that he shouldn't know anything about my life anymore when the guy was just really toxic and basically took a step back from the friendship
She said that it's a red flag for her that I even answered his messages when she knows what I told her about him
I just told her that I answered very dry and that was it, a short messages
But she said that I shouldn't have continued the conversation at all
Then I asked her why is she preoccupied about this thing, why does it matter for her and she flipped
>how can you ask something like this? this is so rude
I asked her calmly and in a casual fashion, genuinely curious why does that matter for her
And she said that she's just making sure that I don't get back into a friendship with him because she knows how these people are, and she only shows her care.
The next day I tell her that
>my perception of that discussion was that it was like a parent-child discussion, but I understand that you showed your care too
again, calmly, just stating my perception
she flipped
>that's exaggerated, I didn't tell you what to do, there's a huge gap until it would've become a parent-child dynamic
When she clearly told me how I should manage the relationship with this guy
Also she felt attacked when I told her this
and said
>Maybe you should perceive things differently
When I clearly stated that I understand that she showed her care
And now she's stonewalling me...

>>33845094
I even explained myself how I view the relationship with this guy, I repeated what I've told her long time ago that I won't get close to him again and that 'll keep my distance
yet she insisted that this is a redflag for her
I can't deal with this anymore
And she spins it that I'm exaggerating when I simply state what I'm perceiving and inviting discussion, not accusing, not implying things about her
And previously she said that I should be careful how I talk and how I say things so they're not interpreted negatively
Yeah, I'll walk on eggshells, probably the rest of my life, to be with an unstable woman
sure, because I have nothing better to do with my life
I try to understand her, and I really do get where she's coming from but at times they're just so fucking out there and unimaginable to understand how could she come up with such an idea that I might betray or cheat on her

>went to pick up pics with bf at print store yesterday
>in kind of a bougie part of town and the girls are all artsy and froufrou
>there looks like there is a lot of people so while I go up to the counter my bf says he has to piss and will go to the grocery store next door
>employee comes out of nowhere and gives me my prints immediately when we thought there'd be a wait
>right as he goes to leave I'm like waiit don't leaave me in a joking voice and walk after him laughing
>the girl "wooow guess the outside is scary out there huuuh!" then they cackled
putrid bitches lmfao never getting my photos developed there again I just wanted him to know I was walking right behind him also he had the keys. We went into the grocery store together and I shopped by the produce and stuff while he went pee it wasn't a big deal. some women are so fucking weird and mean

Scumbag idea:
Use Sora AI to make a bunch of AI videos of yourself on luxury vacations and traveling and upload them on to dating profiles and social media
Use it to trick women into thinking you're adventurous and wealthy until you can fuck them

Parasocialism has to be destroyed in America.
It's Parasocial + Socialism.

I'm more famous than anyone on this planet because of my success, I shouldn't have to be hidden or share my blessings with people who hate America.

>>33832349
It's been a couple days since I made that post but as an update she's left the house after I packed all her clothing, every text message I send her has sounded like corporate bs to tell her what she needs to do to continue the divorce, and she's been texting the neighbor's making plans to fuck up my car and house which I'm saving to get a PFA from her.

Ironically, this thread helped me a lot to realize how manipulative she was being. I'm still sad but I'm spending my time forcing myself to eat, running, and cleaning up my house.

>>33845252
AI is so obvious you'll just look like a retard posting them.

>>33845252
do you really think male tinder pros have been waiting for sora AI to do this?

I was almost happy. My wife is crazy, and during a bipolar moment she cheated on me. I stayed with her because I've never met someone who understands me so well but... This isn't what I wanted.

She really is sorry, and she lets me fuck other women and doesn't cheat anymore, but I never wanted this. I'm just clinging to the ghost of the life I almost had and I think I'm depressed. I have never felt right since the day I found out and I can't believe I was so stupid as to fully trust someone crazy.

I had sex with other women but nothing really makes something like that even. I hate to say it, but the humiliation of your wife cheating on you could probably never be fully understood by a woman. I would give anything to have my old life, and I can't believe I've ended up like all the people I tried so hard to not be like.

She's on mood stabilizers and goes to therapy now, but she still has these outbursts where she is a chore to be around about once a month when she gets her period, and I think these fits are why I can't ever move on. All I can think of is what an ungrateful bitch she's being and I never would've thought that before.

I feel such a deep well of sadness under the daily face I wear, and I've become burnt out and unambitious. Working hard your whole life doesn't mean anything if the woman you love betrayed you the moment you turned your back. I feel like even if I found the strength to leave, not only would I miss her, but I'll never find someone like her again and never someone as hot as her, especially now that I'm not in my 20s anymore.

I just wanted a wife who loves me, and after I gave her everything i could, she did the worst possible thing she could to me and she can't even explain why.

>>33826202 (OP)
Its been years but I still think about you
Yes
(You)

Someone called me in the middle of listening to a song I really enjoy and it pissed me off way more than it should have. Why am I becoming like this?

>>33845184
>I just wanted him to know I was walking right behind him
And they would have known that how?

>>33845757
Because he wasn't going out the door of the shop yet I called out to him so he knew I was right on his heels and wouldn't powerwalk to the grocery store leaving me to wait outside for him or have to search for him in the store

I hate that other people talk about him
Shut the fuck up you didn't know him like I did

>>33845757
Additionally I think I made the best move in that situation. I didn't have the car keys, I would've had to stand awkwardly in an area I'm unfamiliar with to wait for my bf. He would've thought I was still in the photo store so I'd have to wait for him there for 5-10 minutes so he could find the bathroom piss and get back to me. Since we ended up leaving the print store at the same time it made more sense for me to call out to let him know jokingly I was right behind him. I think the stacys just wanted to be mean spirited to me considering the facts: I walked in, it was crowded so I expected a line, bf went to leave to pee, there wasn't a line so I got my pics before he left, so I called out to him so he'd slow down before I exited the store. Then she made a rude comment. Doesn't seem very polite to me or professional. I work as a receptionist and I'd NEVER act that familiar with clients especially new ones. I'll never go back

>>33845786
Also they could tell I wasn't being weird or literally meant "DONT LEAVE ME" because of my tone and my laughter they just wanted to dunk on me

>>33845772
>>33845786
>>33845794
Fucking hell. It’s scary out there, huh.

>>33826656
You're stronger than you think, hang in there and some day you will look back on it all and be glad that it is all in the past.

>>33845794
This shit made me laugh so hard, Idk why.

>>33845805
You think you're a funny guy but you're just a mean dork

>>33826202 (OP)
So is this it? Are they going to kill me at my Dr's appointment?

>>33845823
The internet might be too scary for you too.

>>33845842
Randoms being snarky on the internet is different than a business I paid money at being rude to me and it's autistic of you not to understand that
I think the zoomer stare thing is coinciding with this millennials never act like that. I've never had a millennials say shit like that to me just buying shit. They are rich girls working there for fun so they know they can act however they want to people

No, no, I don't like her. No, she's just my friend. She has a boyfriend. Entertaining the thought of liking her is worthless. It'd be no good. I like someone else. Someone who is single. Where I have a chance.

Well I asked and turns out they already have dinner plans. Just shoot me.

>>33845852
Listen dear, some girls are cutely attached to their boyfriends. That’s all they saw. It was light, good-natured teasing.

No I don't have to feel this way because of your bullshit. It's your mistakes, your decisions.

>>33826611
Tell me you never touched a woman without telling me you never touched a woman

>>33845893
Take your power back.

>>33845883
That's not attachment it's basic efficiency with playfulness

I won't know until I try.

>>33845910
Okay, now you’re annoying me. Some girls ARE like that. That’s what the other girls saw.

>>33845925
It was a small store no way they didn't hear him say "I'm gonna go to the other store to use the bathroom" because he thought it was gonna take longer then me correcting the situation
I suspect they just have rotating fwbs and are jealous we are committed

>>33845977
>those hot rich girls are actually jealous of MEEEEE
At least no one here is going to mistake you as pretending to be a girl.

>>33845990
Why else would you screech out such a mean spirited joke at a customer aside from some weird jealousy
In my receptionist job if I saw a client do that I'd just see her laughing and him smiling and know it was a joke because I don't have autism and am not trying to make jokes about people. I also have a bf so I wouldn't feel threatened by a client expressing intimate humor with their bf. I have to deal with kids and couples and their ups and downs and deaths and divorces I've learned to be empathetic my job has clients that come in year after year and they expect us to care so I do and they make it easy because they are nice

>>33846005
Oh, they worked there? They need to be checked.
>NTA

>>33844358
Thanks anon

>>33846013
I submitted a complaint to their website and described what happened

>>33846059
You're welcome.
>>33846061
That's good, hopefully they take it seriously. Good natured ribbing or ruthless barbs, makes no difference.

This might sound like the faggiest thing to be upset over, but I feel bad because my crush asked me to play the piano when she was at my house and I told her that 'I haven't been practicing anything' and just now I'm realising that sounds like a lazy excuse to not play her anything, but it's genuinely true and I explained myself properly. Why do I feel that much regret over something so petty lel.

>>33846182
Because you could have patted the bench for her to sit next to you as you play something simple for her.

>>33846200
God I'm so fucking dumb.

>>33846207
And anon, don’t forget the fun little duets like chopsticks or heart and soul.

>>33846236
Yeah, I'll be sure to keep it in mind for the next time. Looking back, I just wanted to be way too much of a show-off, and ended up sounding like a negligent retard to her because I couldn't keep up with my own standards. Thanks for grounding me in reality.

>>33846266
>ended up sounding like a negligent retard to her because I couldn't keep up with my own standards
This is the way to think of it instead. Girls rarely flirt flirt. A lot of what they do is invitations for YOU to flirt. It’s not that she wanted to hear you PLAY; she wanted to hear you play for HER.

That’s the kind of mindset to have for a girl you like. Is it possible she was just being friendly? Sure. It’s also possible that she likes you and wants you to take initiative. That scenario would have been one to take initiative.

She was over at your house, so it’s not like you cold approached and fucked up. Behave in the way of a man who knows she likes you, and see how that changes your reception and approach to things.

>>33846293
That's so true. I often get this feeling that everything she says/does is for a reason. Maybe it's all in my head but there's also a chance it's not. You're right, I should adopt it as a permanent mindset. Not to get my hopes up too soon, but to improve my outlook and behavior. Thanks for the feedback, I needed to talk about her with someone.

C-can 4chan jannies shadowban posts?

>>33826202 (OP)
I might just kill myself. Failed my Comptia A+ Core 1 exam despite studying as best as I could, and scored even lower than when I didn't study. I truly won't amount to anything in life. I have bowel issues, and can't stand up for long periods of time so manual labor jobs are out of the picture, and I'm too lazy, and stupid for school.

>>33846355
If you have any sisters, you probably already know some of the low level playful/flirty touches. (One reason why patting her to sit with you in bench would have been kino), like the shoulder bump, the shoulder lean, the step on toe/foot game, etc.

>>33846385
Also my uncle with anger issues moved in with me and my mom since July of last year. I tried telling my Mom how he treated me as a kid but she didn't give a shit. I should realize now to never talk to family about personal issues. They don't care, and in my case will just use it against you.

>>33846408
Attacking other people because you hate your life won't make your life magically better.

>>33846406
So far the closest we've been to physical touch hasn't been anything like that (apart from hugging her goodbye obviously), but I usually lean really close to her to the point I'm beside her everytime she wants to show me something in her phone and she doesn't seem to mind at all (It could also mean that she has her guard down). We've stayed that close for long periods but I still haven't tried to make a move, still unsure if I should.

>>33846423
Case in point. I bring up my issues, and I get blamed for it even though I didn't do anything wrong when a grown men beat me when I was only 12-13 years old. When you're a guy you're truly all alone. If it was one of my sisters he put his hands on my Mom would've confronted him but since I was a boy she thought it was okay.

The bad thoughts won't go away

>>33846792
Do you not know how to eject thoughts out of your head?

Tell them I said something

>>33846810
Who are you?

>>33846812
I'm s.

>>33846824
That leaves so much to the imagination.

>>33846828
Do you want to know who I think I am or something more specific?

It’s just a bunch of losers in their ivory towers crying about how the ivory isn’t shiny enough. I hate these people.

>>33846846
Who do you think you are?

>>33846799
No how?

>>33846871
Imagine yourself pushing them out of your head.

Hello assholes,, let's let the campaign of terror begin then shall we?

>>33846893
I've got work tomorrow, so no

>>33846851
A pathetic funny little male with possibly a lot of potential.

>>33846919
Interesting. Do you believe your God's not dead, he's surely alive?

>>33846917
Bull fucking shit!!!

Seriously guys, fucking seriously.

>>33846924
I sometimes think God is dead or evil, but maybe it works in mysterious ways. I worship lots of other gods and my dead family members, but they're not what I think you mean.

I think I need to make a day in my week where I truly do nothing after work. I mean full on, after dinner and work prep and shit, just laying in the dark face down on my bed and wandering the umbral plains in complete silence. Does anyone do this sometimes? Like a full on evening with the void? Does it help you? On one hand it's a waste of precious freetime, but then what do I do with my freetime other than waste it? Not like I'm composing a sonnet or anything. Could this be good for my mind, because Christ alive I need to fix that shit.

My 28th birthday it's soon and I'm in a rare point of my life. It's like everyday it passes I'm already living an extra time or I feel like my death it's near. On the other hand I think I'm on the verge on my mental breakdown or just become a wageslave.

I don't fucking know anything.

>>33842540
She blocked you, she wants nothing to do with you. Have some self-respect

I'm seeing this trend on tiktok where people post 10 video games to get to know them. I think it's a neat idea, but are people posting their top 10s or games that resonate with them? Like GTA San Andreas is in my top 10, but it doesn't resonate with me as a person compared to Psychonauts, which isn't in my top 10.

>>33847147
Don't stress out about your nothing day, and sometimes shits gotta get done and your rest day sucks so maybe doing more work is better. Who knows maybe in the future you might earn and with serendipity enjoy several days where you have nothing to do but enjoy the fruits of your labor.

I wish you'd pay some attention to me but I know if you do I'll fall so fucking hard for you.

I just want someone to care. I just want someone to show that they give a shit. People constantly talk over me, I never get a chance to say anything or add to a conversation, and when I do actually say something, no one cares. I'm just a ghost.

Advice on how to get a job.

How do I get a job when I live in an abusive and oppressive country.

You've probably never heard of the country I'm from: it's called the United States of America.

If you want to get a job, you have to learn about work. The highly technical term for this is called, "college" or "trade school"

That's when the government offers you the chance to get in debt, then takes that money and pays someone to read a book to you, when you could have read the book yourself.

How do you get a job when the way jobs work in this country is the government paves a road with your tax dollars and then people from another state or country build their gas station or restaurant next to it, but they also go into debt to build it.

If only I could speak to the owner directly, but he is constantly in hiding from the public & never shows up at work, because these owners hire people called "managers."

Managers fire anyone they want, usually within a year of being hired, but they themselves never get fired because they do all the work for the boss.

So if no one gets fired, no one gets hired, but they are always taking resumes asking you the same questions over and over, such as, "are you legally authorized to work in the United States?," "are you a legal citizen?" and "Have you ever worked for this company before?"

Let me guess, you'll say, "go back to school" won't you.

How do you I get a job?

>>33847536
I feel you.

>>33847536
Fuck those guys

>>33847541
Must suck living in a 3rd world country

Wake up -> low energy -> drink coffee -> don't eat -> hungry -> think about eating -> low energy -> don't eat -> fall asleep -> wake up -> low energy -> don't eat -> drink coffee -> seek groceries -> see high food prices -> demoralized -> don't eat -> low energy

I'm stuck in a loop of being too low energy to eat and being low energy because I don't eat. I don't have the money to bomb myself with lots of convenient food and I have habits surrounding this pattern that make it hard to break out of. ie. If I do get stocked with food I'll forget that I have food or to take the time to stop and cook a meal. I get so focused on things that I'll start with coffee at 4 AM and pull something out to thaw then it'll be 11 PM and I'll realize that I'm really hungry and weak and I'll just pass out and the cycle continues and I'll find that roast I pulled out to thaw later, sitting in the pot, spoiled because I forgot I even have it.

>>33847575
Your rectum is a 3rd world country

I know that you woke up like that, you woke up like that...

Goddamn, goddamn...

Im too hard on myself

I overly relate to Audrey Hale. I really kinda hate myself now.

>>33847647
Why?

>>33847650
Because she's a mass shooter and extremely cringe
If you mean why do I relate to her, it's from being a closet lesbian who harbored a secret crush on a friend in high school, I really hope nobody knew

>>33847692
I'm asking why you hate yourself.

It's just rejection...

kms?

All your tears and snot, you can wipe it on my shirt
All the things you make me feel, just know I hurt

You're out on a date, I'm out working late. We just lead very different lives I guess. Out of all the outcomes I pictured, this has to be the most unsatisfactory.

>That payment
This could be worse, but, hopefully the shit happening at my work next month won't be a shitshow where my paycheck is going to be secure.

I've gone my whole life desiring women, but simultaneously being afraid of them. Everytime Im out and about, and see a girl that I like I give the thousand yard stare and pretend I don't see her. Just now I saw a cute girl waiting outside a store with some gorcerries and I tried hard to not look at her but I still somewhat glanced her way. My objective going out just now was to look at hot chicks. and I completed it but it's still not enough to fill the void that I find myself in. There's literally nothing wrong with me tho, I'm semi good looking, and kind, and respectful. I have these traits that women look for in a guy, but I'm missing one big important thing, and i'm not sure what it is. I compare myself a lot to other men who are more charismatic, and interesting than me, and feel bad about myself.

I'll admit in the past, I've managed to attract women who thought I was the best thing ever, and I always chickened out because I feel like I couldn't get past my insecurities. I just can't see myself having a conversation with a girl one ot one, or being naked infront of someone. I just feel like I can't be around women, much less hold on to them.

I don't think there's many men like me who are so afraid of messing up, or being judged that they never even tried even when everything should go fine.

I think there's something wrong with me. I'm good at making friends and staying friends but in truth i never cared about all of them. They could die tomorrow, they could get into something horrible and my main concern would be "Ah shit, it's gonna get a bit boring now" or "goddammit they owed me a few bucks". It kind of feels like people are just a means to an end to me, all the theatrics of keeping my image is really just me not giving a shit about any of them and just interacting because i find it fun yet i get friends out the ass. I don't feel really bad about it but what I'm saying is, is this how other people feel?

>>33847772
You tested by doctors?

“Good answer”. I think I’m haunted by homosexuals and gamblers who simply can’t accept that fact that I’m not gay and it can be uncomfortable sometimes.

>>33847779
Waste money to get a diagnosis that does nothing to change my life? I could just ask people anonymously and get my answer

>>33847789
My attitude about it at the moment of time 5 years ago was “so what if I am?”. I’m still being interrogated and investigated by weirdos on Xbox who just won’t act normal around me.

The other thing is also that over the years I began to wonder if some famous people were secretly transgender and it scrambled my brain a little bit.

>>33847862
I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m not gay. Fuck off.

And pressing the tip of a foreign object at my anus a second or third time just to make sure doesn’t make me gay either. Just a little bit retarded. Stfu

It's not a matter of if, but when.

>>33847880
>did he think about gay sex while doing that?!
No, dude. Just stfu about it.

I can no longer defend myself... i tried as hard as I could but I can't any longer

>>33847884
When what?

>>33847894
When I make my exit

>>33847918
You want to kill yourself?

Im so stubborn it's gonna kill me one day

nothing puts a bigger smile on my face then watching men at work approach my friend only to get rejected.

>>33848088
Weirdo

>>33848090
it's funny because it's the most retarded dead brain guys who are obviously addicted to porn. They throw around sex terms and are high school dropouts and they genuinely think they have a chance with her. nothing brings me to such ecstasy then watching ugly men fail

>>33848098
Ok weirdo

>>33847697
Oh. Then it's because of the first sentence, I don't want to have anything in common with a person like that and I recognize how cringe I probably looked to my friends.

ONE
TWO
THREE AND TO THE FOUR

ONE OPP
TWO OPPS
THREE OPPS
FOUR

FOUR OPPS
THREE OPPS
TWO OPPS
ONE

YOU’RE OPP
HE’S OPP
YOU’RE OPP; NONE

I need to stop thinking about you.

>>33848318
Yeah, you do

Nothing that I ever wanted to talk about but an anon made it seem like they spied on me while I was inside my bedroom somehow several years ago and I knew that if I ignored it then that could give them leverage over my life to spread deception about me so I felt inclined to address everything and be transparent. I addressed most things in my notes privately instead which should have been good enough because it often seems to be for when it’s used against me but not so much when it comes to helping me. People act weird as fuck around me. It’s like they peer into my private space to prod me into posting about it, a lack of decency that they find excusable for some retarded reason.

I don’t think that the people who target me deserve to have secrets or privacy after what they did to me. This isn’t what I wanted. I think it would be humbling for everyone if they had to go thru the same thing as me. Being humbled is good. Why not? Seems fair to me.

I was tired of it a long time ago and I keep fucking around. U think it’s ok but it isn’t.

I was tired of it a long time ago and u keep fucking around. U think it’s ok but it isn’t.

I hope someone amputates each of your fingers before u ever touch my fucking keyboard again.

You were the first person to make me feel safe. I’ll always love you, and no matter what rage or emotions I feel, I know that’s why. Thank you for showing me that I can be more than my fears, and that I’m worthy of being loved for who I am.

Almost there.

I've been looking forward to this week for months. Why have I spent it feeling so angry? I thought I would be happy but instead it feels like I'm just tired and irritable all the time and I'm constantly pushing everybody away. It seems like it shouldn't be like this but I dont know how it could be any other way.

I'm a mid artist who gets extremely annoyed when artist acquaintances show me their art when they're way better than me. No matter their own intent I just read it as them trying to rub in my face how much better they are. I am disgusted by my own reaction and also confused because I don't even care about improving.

Why do I have to be popular with women? Why can't I be popular with jobs instead? I would love to turn down jobs left and right.

>>33849299
Me bredda