Thread 5013397

>Extremely ambitious but dangerous project that ends up destroying the villain
>It's named Project "Icarus" or "Pandora"

>tranimal thread
>>>/an/

That’s a fast squirrel. Thought his head would get squished

>What's a wormhole, doc?
>Well the space-time continuum that makes up our universe-
>In English, doc!
>*Doc grabs a piece of paper, folds it in two and shoves a pencil through i*

>>5013397 (OP)
That's a fat squirrel. I think it's concussed. So they just die all the time from falling trees in the wild, I'm guessing? Apparently there is a beaver megacity in the deep wilderness of north america discovered by satellite.

>>5013401
>beaver megacity
It's called the Playboy Mansion

>>5013397 (OP)
What is this, beaver city?

>>5013400
>Doc grabs a piece of paper, folds it in two and shoves a pencil up his ass
Uhm...

>>5013397 (OP)
I don't have anything interesting to say but I just want to be part of the thread because of the funny beaver vid

>>5013406
>those little jumps of joy
We must go back

>>5013406
>you will never be as happy as a retarded beaver that thinks its swimming on a green colored floor, barricading an open door with random pieces of drift wood

why live ;_;

>>5013409
>>5013408
No one is stopping you from going out in the woods and chewing on trees bro. I do it all the time. I even catch crayfish and crack their shells and eat them off my tummy.

>>5013410
Absolutely based. Hats off, hats off.

What's with all the beaver posting lately? Is it just one autist or did I miss something? Not that I mind, I love beavers and even muskrats.
>.t Oregonian

>>5013412
It's at least one autist me but ive seen other people do it as well.
I usually make elephant and beetle threads but jannies have gotten very triggerhappy with those, especially on /v/

>>5013400
What annoys me is that people get annoyed by the pencil through folded paper thing as if they're trying to grandstand about knowing outer space and its physics (which is all made up btw because space is fake)

>>5013409
>>5013410
>you will never have a beaver bro and tell him he's doing a great job on his dam project
ouch

>>5013413
Elephants are the best

>>5013414
>space is fake
and gay

>>5013415
B-B-BEAVER BOYS! B-B-BEAVER BOYS!

beaverbros...
https://youtu.be/aS6QeO2tBwo

>>5013400
follows laws of physics for folding spacetime - what doesn't make sense is how a spaceship can do that without some kind of black hole space magic hell portal for an engine...

>>5013415
No need to swear.

>pandora
>oops all bad shit
>BYOH

>>5013421
I'm just a little upset right now

My wormhole theory is that /tv/ actually came up with it first

>>5013401
I thought they raise their head and listen for cracking. I've seen videos of them doing that. Maybe this one is retarded.

>>5013413
>>5013416
AN ELEPHANT NEVER FORGETSSSSS

>>5013397 (OP)
>Extremely ambitious but dangerous project that ends up destroying the villain
>It's named copy of copy of copy of unsaved project - recovered (2)

>>5013425
From what I read in another thread the log's too small so it doesn't strain and make noise before falling.

>>5013425
I think it's because it's just a stump, it's not heavy enough to make whatever noises beavers look for as a sign that the tree is about to fall. Normally they wouldn't have to cut nearly as much material away for it to collapse

>>5013397 (OP)
Literally every animal on the planet is smarter and better natured than beast of the field nigger blacks are, that's why mods ban animal threads, it's the easiest way to become a racist

>>5013425
They do
Problem is that the log in the OP has been cut off, so it has to be whittled to almost nothing before it suddenly snaps. A fully grown tree starts to fall slowly when it has gnawed through far less.

>>5013432

>Hear that?
>Hear what
>Exactly

>>5013431
Based

>See a bunch of beavers trying to create a dam near my house
>Put out a speaker that plays cracking noises 24 hours a day so they don't know when the trees are actually falling and they all get clobbered

HAHA EAT SHIT TREECHOMPERS, GROUNDHOG SUPREMACY FOREVER, GO BACK TO THE LAKE YOU CAME FROM!

>I'm afraid there is a traitor in our midst, sir.
>Only sergeant Judas could've ratted us out, but his track record is spotless...

>>5013437
>What about the twins Benedict and Arnold?
>I’ll have to tell Commander Brutus about this. He’s my most loyal and trusted advisor, he’ll know what to do.

>>5013398
Kys.

>>5013418
Shrimps and white wine

>>5013406
This is our sons room. He's quite the dam builder

>>5013399
mate if the tree was capable of doing that it would of toppled over long before the squirrel could chew it to that point

>>5013435
very gay post

>Machine that brings people back from the dead
>Called "Lazarus Device"

>>5013444
wasnt this in batman?

>>5013397 (OP)
I was expecting the tree to kill him was at the edge of my chair

He lives

>>5013407
>excellent, get it ready start immediately, we'll have our night crew oversee its launch while we head home

>>5013443
You're gay you filthy beaver bitch. Bucktoothed motherfucker meet me outside the creek and say that to my face you little ho.

>>5013433
>its quiet
>too quiet

>>5013449
>Where are we?
>Not where... When!

>>5013445
And interstellar

>>5013397 (OP)
Was thinking this watching Sunshine the other day. Appropriate or not, yeah, let's name both our ships after the guy who fucked up and died, esp. after the first one failed.
Second one should've been called Daedalus. I don't care that Space Cowboys used it already.

>>5013413
Why are you plastering this stuff across /tv/ and /v/? You already have /wsg/ and /an/. Even /gif/ is ok with it but autists always look for boards where they know jannies will hunt them down

>>5013453
cause i like living on the edge

>>5013432
that gormless pause gets me every single time
>>5013433
kek

>>5013397 (OP)
how often do their heads get crushed?

>>5013454
based king

>>5013406
hahaha look at that stupid beast. Can't even tell that he isn't in a river and stacking things like that doesn't do anything.

>>5013454
I kneel

>>5013413
>>5013454
based. get those mod trannies.

>>5013400
I can only think of 2 movies where this happens its not common at all

>>5013458
he easily kill somebody's grandma with a hazard like that, and maybe that's his plan
mammalian intelligence can't ever truly be quantified

>>5013463
He's basically making a Home Alone trap

>>5013455
>Hi, I'm Johnny Gnawsville and welcome to Jackass

>>5013464
it's a compulsive behavior, like how cats will torture things they catch until they just die and they cat never intended to eat it or anything, that's why people began using them as mouse and rat genociders
imagine if there was a storm and a bunch of branches got ripped from the tree in your front yard, scattered all over the place
your pet beaver would have that problem solved in 20 minutes, this is what people have forgotten about pets, they are supposed to be tools first and foremost

>>5013445
Lazarus Pit but yeah, though they weren't built they just kind of exist around the world

>>5013465
>Hi i'm Ryan Dunn and this is "Drunken Loggin"-ACK

>>5013468
So it does happen

>>5013456
It does happen

>>5013406
cute

>>5013468
BONK

>>5013471
Based kino

>>5013474
Got lit and watched it 2 times in a row. So good

>>5013468
zabito bobra...

>>5013468
>>5013469
it only happens when beavers are very old or sick, they evolved millions of years to dodge falling trees

>>5013454
king shit

>>5013477
>they evolved
Prove it you satanic faggot

me monitoring this thread

>>5013480
>he doesn’t have flanges
Anon, I…

>>5013481
I'm flangentially challenged you insensitive prick

>>5013397 (OP)
>>Extremely ambitious but dangerous project that ends up destroying the villain
>>It's named Project "Icarus"
that's based though

>>5013401
they must breed like rabbits considering their survival strategy is based on felling trees

>>5013435
very heterosexual post

>>5013454
Thank you for helping to spice up this dead fucking board and keep it just bros funposting over fun shit Anon. Truly.

>>5013432
ok, good job beaver. but what's the next step here? that tree weighs a ton or two so how to transport it to the construction site?

>>5013406
and yet modern, """civilized""" beavers have to gnaw trees for the man for 30 years just to afford a ramshackle dam half that size. IF they can afford one at all

>>5013466
it's the instinct to build a home from whatever material they can find. it's what beavers do.

can you name at least one movie where that happens, you fricking spam loser

>>5013491
I have seen many films where a beaver gnaws a tree.

>>5013397 (OP)
> this project will save mankind
> call it project messiah

>>5013491
Hundreds of Beavers

>>5013466
Oh, so just like why I feel compelled to wrap my giant man hands around the neck of every woman I date because I know I could snap their tiny bird bones with ease if I wanted to. Old times lizard brain shit. I guess I should be thankful I evolved enough to not want to kill them... I guess I should be.

>>5013397 (OP)
>first half makes us believe strong male lead is protag
>dies mid-way to reveal the gay twink or the woman were the hero all along

>>5013406
I look like this and do this

>>5013398
This is an animal board

>>5013413
Incelephants, rise up

>>5013406
>yep, that dam is not going anywhere

>>5013497
Yes we KNOW that but what do you say?

>>5013458
t. angry beaver

>>5013471
>>5013474
>>5013475
Just downloaded this and I'm going to watch it for the first time after hearing a lot of people recommend it since it first came out. If it's bad I'm going to chew through all of the trees outside your houses and make them fall on you. Also I am drunk.

>>5013406
>CLOSE THE DAM DOOR!

>>5013503
go to texas and use your powers for good

>>5013499
He's not an incel, she was breaking his balls, she went a little bit too far. It was deserved, let's be honest.

>>5013406
Is it autism?

>>5013406
when he hops does he think he's leaping out of the water

>In the far future, earth is nearly inhospitable. Mankind cannot survive. So we created a vessel to take us to another world.
>This vessel is called... the Ark

>>5013508
How should I know? Ask the little guy!

>>5013507
https://www.angelsense.com/blog/autistic-children-drawn-water/

Unironically yea

>>5013505
I already sent a bunch of money down there to the three most local fire departments to help the people still digging out the lost kids and replace their equipment they lost. Fucking awful shit man. Now I'm sad again. This movie better be funny.

>glasses: I think it makes more sense if we do this
>jerk: hey everybody we got an Einstein over here!

>>5013466
>police beaver collects all the grenades and puts them in a pile

>>5013398
Why do you associate animals with you wanting to be a woman?

>>5013507
Fucking BOSStism m8.
>>5013512
Good lad Anon. I think you'll like it.

>>5013454
BAAAAAAASED

>>5013439
>>5013498
>>5013515
There already is an animal board

>>5013453
His threads are the best in v and tv, leave him alone

>>5013412
Would you fuck a sheep?

>>5013520
I don't speak Welsh

>>5013520
what kind of sheep

>>5013499
reminder that 5% of men think they can beat an adult, African bull elephant in combat

>>5013444
How is this related to OP?

>>5013518
But why do you associate animals with your desire for an axe wound?

>>5013525
>>>/an/

>>5013525
>>>/lgbt/

>>5013509
>to keep track of all the plant and animal species we're taking along, we developed the Networked Organic Augmentation Hub. It practically runs the ship by itself.

>>5013526
Only poop-colored people don't like animals. /tv/ is a bobr board, ramdeep

>>5013518
And? There one hundred and forty seven dogshit video game boards on 4chan that are full of the dregs of society, and the former two best boards on this entire site (/tv/ and /sp/) have been completely neutered from the fun places they used to be, probably before you were even alive you wannabe janny cocksucking faggot. Sometimes a little bit of fun injected into this shithole (much like AIDS is injected into your two fathers assholes at poz parties) makes the place more bearable. There is only one thing worse than a fucking janny, and that's people like you that try to police AKA janny 4chan and don't even get the janny badge. FUCKING KILL YOURSELF.

>>5013523
Reminder I could easily heem an elephant and everyone ITT if I wanted to.

>>5013518
There’s a gay board too but here you are.

>>5013526
LEL it actually is a fuckin tranny subhuman. Please, for the betterment of humanity, commit suicide tonight.

>>5013402
Nice

>>5013471
I will now watch your beaver kino

>>5013535
I’d like to chew on that, if you know what I mean.

Just a reminder that spiders are actually total bros and just want to help humankind out and they kill all the other bad bugs and we are based as fuck and you should let them live in your house no matter what bad reputation they have gotten and they just want to hang out and be chill.

>>5013535
Oh my.

>>5013537
>spiders are total gf material*
I need cute spider gf

>>5013537
I have a rule with spiders, if they don't show themselves, I won't actively hunt them. They are welcome to all the bugs in my house they can find, but I don't want to see them.

>>5013515
Valuing nature above humanity and the acquisition of pointless scientific trivia like biological "facts" is inherently a leftist/soi trait. Herbs go in all fields.

>>5013540
my rule is that if its a certain size and in my house, it's getting killed.

>>5013397 (OP)
>>5013406
BOBR KURWAAA

>>5013542
that explains your cock

>>5013540
Agreed. They may live if they are not seen and do not touch or come near me. I have an outside spider bro, but if he comes in my house he's getting the shoe.

>>5013537
This.
It's not like spiders want to crawl in your peeholes and lay our eggs there haha those are just crazy superstitions.

>>5013406
This is not much worse than masturbating or playing vidya

>>5013541
What the actual fuck are you even talking about you mentally ill fucking troon? Holy fucking shit.

>>5013406
>THEY DON'T GOT IT ALL BLOCKED OFF?!

>>5013499
so based even elephant chads hate smartphones

BOBER!!

>>5013406
BEAVERMELLA COULD YOU PLEASE DAM THE DOOOOOR

Post more beaver vids

>>5013398
tranimal website

>>5013413
>I usually make elephant and beetle threads
So based

>>5013476
FUCK YOU

>>5013553
>>5013556

>>5013558
didn't have a license for his dam?

>>5013406
why are they so smug?

>>5013406
Why did he do it?

>>5013560
Literally me.

>>5013507
Aparently they hate the sound of running water, thats it, the sole reason for this behaviour

>>5013560
what type of dog is that?

>>5013560
I feel the human urge to pat and hug that beardo

>>5013530
What gets me are the literal shill and raid threads like the fishtank shit. Mods are such fucking faggots and they're probably making like 25 cents off allowing that shit. They're also nigger loving Democrats who support white genocide

>>5013565
Sicofthis Bullshiticus.

>>5013567
Can't disagree with you.

>>5013487
>ok, good job beaver. but what's the next step here
Crashing this tree.... With no survivors!

>>5013558
>faggot cop afraid to pick him up
i hate them so fucking much (dutch police)

>>5013558
Can you safely grab them by the tail without breaking it like it might with mice and rats?

>>5013401
>Apparently there is a beaver megacity in the deep wilderness of north america discovered by satellite
this is the first time in my life i ever really wanted to go to another country

>>5013560
lel literally looks like my fatass 180lb. Alabai when we don't trim his hair in the winter.

>>5013563
anon there is no water in that webm

>>5013574
good doge

>>5013476
kurwa...

>>5013476
bóbr zabija bobra
bum tarara bum tarara

>>5013406
reject modernity
return to dam

>>5013523
>Dat be sum nice ivory you got there brudda, it would be a shame if someone....poached it

Faggot jannies

>>5013579
flanged as fuck

>>5013586
Yep.

>>5013397 (OP)
>>5007981

There are now two /an/ threads on beavers that originally were made on /tv/ but got moved here

>>5013397 (OP)
Looks more like Damocles to me.

>>5013524
I think this thread was originally on /tv/ and was riffing on tropes or something

>>5013571
Their teeth have iron in them and can chew threw logs, what do you think it would do to a cop's leg?

Bros, why are the /an/ mods such a bunch of tranny faggots? It's not like this on /tv/.

>>5013454
>all these retards calling this post based
go back

>>5013558
>in charge of picking up an animal and moving it somewhere else
>grab him by the tail then try to pick him up by his genitals
>"wtf why is the animal agitated???"
Normies do not have a theory of mind.

>>5013454
You could at least make it video-game AND elephant related. This is just retarded noise.

>>5013706
Oh i do, that one i was just seeing what i could get away with. Probably the reason why i caught an 80 day ban, usually it's just 3 days

>>5013397 (OP)
>*BONK*

>>5013454
What can an elevandipoeg actually do though? If you hug its hind legs it can't reach you with its truck, and its too sluggish to get away while you repeatedly pommel it from behind. If you stand to the side of its hind legs then it won't even be able to hit you with a back kick. If it raises its leg to perform a stomp then all you have to do is back off until it finishes its slam, then move back in to continue punching.

>>5013499
Why are they playing around with an elephant clearly in musth to begin with?
That's just begging for trouble.

>>5013397 (OP)
WTF DUDE!
This is a blue board go to fuckibg /g/ if you wanna post messed up gore
Fuck!

>>5013523
I did mental reps thousands of times in preparation for fighting an elephant bare handed
the plan was to use my superior turning radius to get behind it and tee off on its giant testicles like a speed bag until it goes down
Everything was going according to plan until I got back there and was met with quite the surprise....

>>5013523
What's it gonna do? Shoot me? I'd dodge the bullet. I'm fast as fuck boy.

>>5013579
that's so cool

>>5013406
So happy. So based.

>>5013741
Lmao this retard thinks dark souls is real

>>5013430
heh, beder :DDD

>>5013479
>Beavers that get crushed by a tree don't have time to reproduce
>Beavers that don't get crushed by a tree have time to reproduce and spread their genes.

>>5013468
My penis when I date tiny Asian wemon

>>5013499
>stand within range of a wild animal
>surprised when it attacks

How weak do you even have to be to get taken out and injured by an animal's NOSE? Grow some muscles already and beef up your defenses beyond "wet noodle".

>>5013542
How big is too big?

>>5013833
Yes.

>>5013540
>my rule is that I am a big baby. I can tolerate things I dislike as long as I dont see them and make it their fault for existing within sight my beautiful retarded eyes. Also I suck cock

>>5013849
>Chad anon: "The sight of this creature displeases me, and for this crime it must pay the ultimate price."
>Onions beta bitch anon: "Noooo you can't just kill a living creature for such trivial reasons, what are you, a homo- AAAAACK"

We've been killing creatures that mildly inconvenience us probably for as long as human society has existed, and we will continue for the foreseeable future, as is our right as the most powerful species on the planet.

>>5013558
>This is democrrracy manifest. Have a look at the taillock here! See that chap over here, he-GET YOUR HAND OFF MY PENIS
>For what reason, what is the charge? Chewing a tree? A succulent aspen tree?

>>5013397 (OP)
How often do beavers get smashed by falling trees?

>>5013406
dam building lives RENT FREE in his mind

>>5013572
No, the tail is one of the worst places to pick up just about any animal. You're gonna fuck up its spine, and much higher chance of it being able to 180 and bite you than if you grabbed it by the neck or shoulders.

>>5013454
>81 day ban for that

>>5014090
Look a bit closer
>Banned more than seventy times

>>5013432
They don't eat it? Seems like it would be more efficient to. Use energy get energy

>>5013537
The average American eats hundreds of spiders every night

>>5013397 (OP)
Lmao that scared the fuck out of me.

>>5013397 (OP)
Should've kicked or tackled it. Rookie mistake

>>5013520
nta but the answer is without a second thought

>>5013442
>would of

>>5013490
True. I used to volunteer in wildlife rehab, working with the beavers there. Every single morning I had to dig out their food bowl from their lodge walls because they had used it as building material overnight.

>>5013572
Beavers have exceptionally strong tails, they use them as support when they are standing upright on their hind legs. However it is still a very unsafe and stressful way to pick them up. I was always taught to shove one arm under their tail, supporting the body lengthwise and your other arm under their forearms. This was for sedated beavers though, otherwise they'll bite lmao

>>5013401
Timberborn is real

>>5013397 (OP)
Can beavers do this to attack enemy beavers? Like to destroy their dams

>>5013509
Gondela :3

>>5014459
No, they stay out of each others territory. They do fight one on one quite often in spring/summer when the young leave their families to find a habitat of their own. It's not uncommon for beavers to defend their territory until death.

beavers are hyperborean as fuck

>>5013397 (OP)
>>5014007
If this was a real tree it would have fallen way longer ago and also come down a bit slower. Instead it was just a stump

>>5015931
Why did he do that

>>5013420
warp drives? A warp jump?

>>5016199
Nerve gas

>>5013573
>>5013401
one guy trekked out to it a while back, he said it was 3ft high and since you don't get a clear view of it on foot you would have no idea it stretched for half a mile. The guy planned the trip out for years and waited for a period where the swamp would fill up enough for him to get boated most of the way there. So far he is the only person to have ever seen it up close (or at least was when I read up on it earlier this year). Iirc what's impressive isn't just that single big dam but that there is a series of other smaller dams since the beavers eat the greens that grow in their artificial swamps in a rotation, just like some birds using multiple nests.

>>5013741
>punching
0 damage though and a single error is a 1HKO. Without a weapon your only hope is to outlast it, poke it's eyes out when it collapses and then break off a tusk to kill it with.

>>5013419
he's in the great dam in the sky now

>>5013441
kek

>>5013454
>>5013426
You should post on /co/ instead, as long as you start with a Dumbo pic or something the mods will take hours to notice

>>5013566
If i was immortal/invincible I'd walk up to random animals in the wild and bother them until they get used to me. I imagine after 24h of failing to maul me it'll let me hug it because frankly it doesn't have another option.

>>5013454
I haven't been on /v/ in 15 years. Do they still allow deep sea creature threads?