Dealing with loneliness as a horsefucker
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I'm having trouble being hopelessly single despite trying for years to force myself to accept the reality that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I'm starting to lose any motivation to continue trying to make my life better. I'm not even sure what I'm working towards anymore. I know that being into pony makes me less datable but the real problem is that women won't get close enough to me for it to matter in the first place. I don't meet single women anywhere, not at work, not while out, it's basically like they don't exist, which even made the Marble image I posted not feel quite right about my situation. She had a crush to lose, I don't have that. I just feel an emptiness and longing for relationships I hear about or see and read in media. Perhaps all I want is the fantasy of a relationship, but that brings me back to the core problem. I wouldn't know, because as far as I do know what I want isn't even the reality of relationships.
This all came about when I saw females in a Foalcon yeah, I know that just makes relationships less viable for me pony chat room I sometimes post in mention their boyfriends in other countries. It just reenforced that idea that the extremely few women willing to put up with this shit are already taken. Besides that I'm 35 and an out of shape loser. Currently have a decent job but I feel like I am likely to lose that at any moment because I'm not allowed to have something good happen in my life for long and I am really not worth what they pay me at all. So I'm just waiting to lose everything at the drop of a hat.
I know mods are going to give me a vacation for this thread but I felt like I needed to try and vent, since I can't call this reaching out, in some way. Today on the interstate I considered intentionally swerving in front of a semi, putting my driver side right in front of the tractor to end it. But I don't want to cause any harm to the truck driver. Besides that I'm a coward, I have tried killing myself twice now and pussies out both times. Once with a gun on my temple and once on the side of a 4 story building. I know I'm a waste and only wasting everyone's time and resources, but I can't bring myself to fix it. I know because of that it's best I don't bring children into this world or even get dangerously close to doing it, but I still long for someone to love, even though I know it's best I don't.
You can argue about going to Equestria as an after life by making the best out of this life but I'm a shitty person. They also say you need to be able to love yourself before you can love anyone else and with how much of a leech I am on society, that It's only right for me to hate myself enough to never even think about dating.
Even so my mind betrays logic and yearns for something I can never have and shouldn't ever have.
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Last: 11/7/2025, 2:40:46 AM
