Thread 40777822

Confessions, unspoken feelings, unsent messages...
... let it out...

When I needed you most, you vanished.
But you're not the avatar bitch, so stay in that iceberg - and away from me!
I would never go penguin sledding with you.

i don't know how to help myself. i have illusions of grandeur that keep me from getting the help i need (or think i need, anyway)

i'm a strange person, and i'm getting tired of the way people on the internet say that like it's a good thing. it’s not. i feel like a waste of space, and i sincerely think no man is ever going to love me.

I have only dated a trans woman once in my life, and that was four years ago. I have yet to experience that again, and I'm becoming increasingly afraid that I never will.

my gf is short and sometimes i move things i know she will need to a higher shelf so i can get them for her

I hate people with avoidant attachment so very much

I hate cisgenders. When you see suicide notes posted too often with their trans account owners going offline forever, it radicalizes you.

Generic as can be... I just want someone to love... but im so fickle and dont trust like 99.9% of people

>>40777878
I think this is about me but I'm also very boringly solipsistic

>>40778011
i’m in love with i told i hate them when i don’t im so furious with myself and i said i was suicidal which like i am but they feel awful about it i hate myself so much i wish i could do it i dont want to know life without her i dont want to know it

>>40777969
That is very cool need a bf who'll do this

>>40777822 (OP)
I got molested on the train once and I didn't really care
I was just thinking about that one scene in watamote

>>40777920
r u on the best (west) coast?

>>40778239
Yeah

>>40777822 (OP)
I got raped when I was 6 years old and it ruined me. Getting really depressed about it made me miss a bunch of school in 8th grade, so I got in trouble as a truant and eventually ended up in juvie at 13 for a little. It completely destroyed my sense of safety and my desire to be part of the outside world. Ever since then I have been a recluse. I barely ever go outside, my only friends are a handful of dwindling internet gaming buddies. I am a disgusting tranny and all I do is get high, bedrot, and cut myself. I HATE who I am and I hate how I look and I hate how nobody gives a fuck about me. Every day is so incredibly lonely that it sucks the joy from every task. I am going to either lose my mind from this solitude or eventually km bc this is a nightmare existence I can't escape

i stole $10 out of my nans purse when i was 8 and then she went to the post office to pay a bill but couldn't because i stole the $10 so she had to go to the bank and get an extra $10 out and she was looking for the missing $10 for like two days. sorry nan i miss you.

I recoil in disgust when I think of the fact that one of the first people I came out to as non binary was my possible groomer. Why'd I let him have that.

>>40778365
Possible groomer? I feel groomer is either an "is" or "isn't" thing. So is he or is he isn't?

>>40778369
>they don't know about Schrödinger's Groomer

>>40778369
It's complicated. Like he was definitely off but it's too ambiguous for me to be sure without outside opinions. Should I Specify?

>>40777822 (OP)
i find trannies gross instinctively, including myself and my friends. i would never say this to them of course and feel guilty for it, i wouldn't want people to see me that way

>>40778253
socal? if so you should drop your disc, i am early in transition though if you are put off by that

I had feelings for you
Like really intensely
I was just scared to tell you
It's dumb because I know we liked each other like that, all the things we did and deep vulnerabilities and flirting
But nothing is guaranteed and I have so much baggage over being discarded and unwanted that I never brought it forward
I worry my hesitation is what contributed to it ending but I know things were changing for you so it was probably more about that
Still I can't get over you at all, all this time later. Meanwhile you moved on without issue. But to be honest that's like you, you're extroverted as fuck and connection comes easy for you. It's gonna take me some time. I hope you're doing well and I still hold hope that we'll realign despite knowing it's really unlikely. It all really sucks, I wish it went differently

>>40778401
Yes I'm in SoCal. My Discord is rockfactsrock

I'm sorry I freaked out when you gave me thrush and went to the clinic and they thought I had HIV. You were really cool and we liked a lot of the same music, and I've never really felt as beautiful as I did when you took me home that night. Please just let me in again, you're like the only cool person in this town.

>>40777822 (OP)
I do a lot of substance abuse

i miss you. all of you. im too retarded to be friends but i miss you. having relationships make me nervous

>>40778365
Haha what if I'm non binary cause of him. Fuck.

I followed a homo out of a bar and when he went through an alley with no windows or cameras I ran up and punched him as hard as I could in the head. Never knew what happend to him after.

>>40778650
Lately I've been walking at night looking for another one to take my anger out on

>>40778851
I'm scared but excited thinking about what I'll do to the next one

>>40778948
wonder how many times this cycle will play out before I kill

>>40777822 (OP)
im worried i might not actually be trans but instead a man who hated himself so much he wanted to escape and be someone else. hating one's self and hating ones face and body should not be a criteria for wanting to gender transition

>>40779069
just take it out on weak fags like I do it feels great

>>40778989
I'm going hunting again tonight. wish me luck

I'm not surprised it didn't work again, but I can't believe I fell for it, it's not the first time she has done it all to win me over, gifts, flowers, complete devotion, but it was always just to get along with each other, don't understand why she decided to convince me by telling me we'd make it official, that it would be a serious relationship, that she had finally accepted me after all these years, how could anyone play with that.

i think i'm finally ready to move on from him. it's clear he never really had feelings for me.
i should try to find someone else but i don't really know how to.
i'm not even out yet, how do i even put myself out there when i'm still in the closet. i feel like i'll never be feminine enough to be out.

>>40777822 (OP)
i don't like hons. it sucks that they make people like me look bad and i'd rather not breath the same air

bamp

And I hate myself for wanting to bail out, I have a huge responsibility and they are my life, but how do I cope with the fact that I am going to die being along with someone that will never love me, I need that other kind of affection too

>>40778401
west coast troon.... need

The perfect world for me, even a world as shitty as this one, would just be a world where you loved me back. That's all I need to be happy, everything else is inconsequential.

I miss you so much Caity

i think my t4t gf just views me as a man

>>40783444
why do you think that nona?

'audhd' people who infodump screens of shit about their hobby of the week and barely spare a microsecond of energy to hear other people beyond giving a "oh cool lol so anyway" reaction, can absolutely get fucked. i never want to meet anyone like that ever again

>>40783664
My person was like that, but that made her perfect for me because I don't like doing the talking or expressing myself. We complemented each other well... There's someone out there for everyone.

>>40783618
she only lets me top even though i have bottom dysphoria and has to remind herself that im her girlfriend

I'm falling in love with an ftm I met on discord. He already has a girlfriend but he's so nice to me but I feel sick with jealousy whenever he talks about how he treats her. I want flowers and chocolates for the sake of it too. I want someone who talks about me constantly and dotes on me. I've considered finding her socials and how wrecking to make my chance.

>>40783704
'was', sounds like it didn't work out. did she dump you after finding someone new and shiny? i got to see that happen to others close up a few times lol

>>40783795
She's in another place. She was hit by a drunk driver on her walk home from work.
If she were still around, you'd probably be right. She was always too good for me, I never knew why she bothered with me in the first place.

Is this what it boils down to? Growing up sheltered and realising that your closeted feelings all point to being attracted to trans women? And that said attraction is always gonna be harmful towards those you like and for women too distant from your reach.

I'm sorry I'm attracted to you, I truly am.

As a man I am very attracted to alt trans women but it feels like two third of them are transbians

i traumatized my girl with my uselessness and cluster 2 horseshit and now every further commitment she makes to me makes me depressed she has to be with someone like me but i can't live without her

i dont wanna talk about this to anyone i know and i dont have the money to talk to a professional but i genuinely cannot stop thinking about killing myself, its been a week and its all thats in my head, killing myself, killing myself, i need to kill myself, i need to kill myself i need to do it now i need to do it

>>40777822 (OP)
I want to be more grateful but also more integrated.

Im sorry, i know i hurt you two when i harm myself. I don’t know why i keep doing it.

>>40783664
literally me (i hate being this way and want to change)

i know we still talk and it kinda feels like im leading you on by talking but i am about to block you, i don't want to see your gigahon face no more i feel raped every time i think of you

i spend every day worrying if you'll kill yourself and i'm too scared that i can't help you in any way

>>40783664
REAL AS FUCK

Why did God give me a piss fetish? Couldn't I have been into something normal like bdsm?

>>40783911
>two third
more like 9/10. The struggle is real.

I hate blacks and jews

>>40777822 (OP)
i cheated on my gf with a cis man multiple times and i am frankly not worthy of her love

>>40777822 (OP)
i fucking hate one of my online friends for dropping off the face of the earth and refusing to talk to me except for in short bursts
wish things just went back to normal between us but i'm an unlovable freak, even platonically
most of my irl friends are burnout slackers like me but that's probably better than being friendless i guess

>>40777822 (OP)
I miss you a great deal line.

I want to date my tranny friend and she wants to date me too (I think) she jokes about wanting to fuck me and stuff but she lives in another country so idk If I can make it work but I can easily fly to her in a couple of hours.

i wish you were dead so i wouldn't wonder where you are or what you're up to anymore.
how many times did you tell me that you need me, that you can't live without me, that without me you would kill yourself. so why are you still alive?

>>40786114
Where is your tranny friend/you generally? Im on the opposite end of this but my person is probably the least likely to use /lgbt/ ever

>>40777822 (OP)
I love you, I love how you look but you'd look even better with fake tits

>>40777822 (OP)
im sorry for being an insane schizo and accusing you of things that werent you. i hope we talk again one day but i know we almost certainly won't after what i did to you. im sorry

>>40787030
Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it does numb the pain. True healing comings from learning, admitting one's mistakes and doing what you can to make it right. There's no guarantee that your olive branch will be accepted, but you can give yourself grace if you've at least made the effort.

i lost my lover last year, and every day since i've thought about joining him. i miss him more than anything. it really, really should have been me. he was brilliant and beautiful and i am not. i miss him.

>>40787080
i dont want the police to come to my door and they made it very clear that reaching out again will never be desired so i dont think that will happen

>>40787208
I see. That's unfortunate, sorry anon. But you've done all you can, it sounds like it's time to let yourself move on from it.

Im legit the worst person to ever post on LGBT
I'm human trash and life is horrible

>>40787255
there was a trip who pimped out her girlfriend and got her addicted to drugs anon, you probably havent done anything that bad. there was also that person on here who got away with murdering a trans woman

>>40787244
youre right

>>40787244
youre right, its been almost three months and i need to move on. its just hard

>>40787255
you're surely not the *worst* nona. i mean chase your dreams and all but that seems a bit lofty.

just remember, even if you've told hundreds to rope, even if you've contributed nothing of value, you can always get better. (or shut up. whichever's easier at any given moment.) you don't need to atone, you don't need to undo

>>40787400
It's not possible to chase my dreams I can't even get hrt because of how hated I am

>>40787371
I'm pretty garbage

>>40787244
youre right, its been almost three months and i need to move on

>>40787244
youre right, its been almost three months since they last talked to me and theres no indication that will ever change. i need to move on

>>40778011
If it makes you feel better I am avoidant attachment because I don't understand myself and I'm afraid of other people understanding me better than I do. My ex gf/best friend is a desperate/nervous attachment style type and her ability to listen endlessly to my drunken self has made her closer to me than anyone. I long for the day when we unlock my real emotions together.

I feel bad being the way that I am, and you should probably stay away from people like me desu.

>>40787456
(chase your dreams was a joke about deliberately trying to be the worst.)

>>40787562
I don't want to be the worst

>>40785549
if this is k meant for h i think it’s getting better i hope i have actually been working to get things lined up for the future and do what i want. i do have some suicidal thoughts semi frequently but im not like looking at nitrogen tanks online as often think of ways to put myself in a corner i cant escape. i miss you terribly so and sorry for being so open and crazy and not more careful with you. i do really want to live the way i hope i can and have you in my life. i’ve been making more recordings bc i finally got ableton to work again on puter. i compiled things into a little compilation of sorts like two new covers 2 non singing original songs and one singing original song but is an old one i never showed u idk. i think about showing it to you often even though i can’t lol and you probably jus tell me its okay or hugbox : p miss you and i get it. i do hope to just save money and figure things out and i hope if u ever comeback to me i can have already sorted through the messes im currently in i hope <3 i do pray for you and sorry if you just hate me now or are put off or written me off actually forever or think im scary crazy i get sorry good luck i miss you and pls live your life how you want to

>>40777822 (OP)
I want a mommy

>>40788127
also is so stupid for me to respond to this person thinking it’s you also stupid for me to be still posting about this on 4chan but everything i said is true

>>40777822 (OP)
There’s a thing that really drives me up the wall, where some public figure does something kind of but not that bad, that would normally be shrugged off. But because they’re something that some people are bigoted against (black/gay/woman/tranny/fat/whatever) it gets blown up into this huge scandal that ruins their life. Since the people that hated them already for being whatever now have an excuse to be really nasty and awful.
Ellen degeneres, James corden, etc.
It really really really grinds my fucking gears for some reason.

>>40788127
i lied i want the nitrogen tank sooo bad stay away from me n always think im alive in the blank you’ve made me into your life already

>>40787371
FRT?

>>40788575
honestly you should think about switching to literally any other drug

>>40788766
what do you mean like im addicted this person? bc that didn’t make ffs fall through or my mom die or my dad beat me everyday or my uncle rape me or me have a gay experience with my best friend from high school and him to tell others you took advantage of him when you were both drunk but in reality he wouldn’t stop when you asked and you were raped and he would admit later he was wrong to say that bc he was scared of being viewed as gay but you can’t trust anyone or are terrified who knows what anymore and your other best friend after will start harassing you for nudes and black mailing you into giving them to him then when my dad finds out i’m trans he tries to kill me then when i move across the country to be with someone they’re physically and emotionally abusive and then you meet maybe the love of your life in these circumstance and can’t do too much bc the person you are with owns a gun and i’m too scared of hell to die or i’d kms and either way can’t function because all this and a lot more made you a retard bc the decline into shit started at 8 years old even still i’m mostly silly now and have just really been fucked up recently i’ve already posted nudes with face here to hopefully kms what drugs should i do im so sick of everything the worst part is im leaving big things just as bad as the way of this i want to die i want to die i want to die i love you anon mwah mwah mwah gl

>>40788908
i hate you

>>40788728
daria

>>40788908
i am addicted to think ab this person and like how things feel apart but it’s not the reason i wanna kms it’s more like final straw idk

>>40777822 (OP)
i just got drunk after almost hitting 5 years of sobriety bc i am so lonely and every tranny i try to make friends with treats me horribly and then leaves me. i have tried so hard to live a responsible, healthy, honest life--but it seems like everyone around me doesn't try to live by the same principles and so i just keep getting hurt over and over again and i just cant take it anymore. i want to die but im a coward and swirling down the booze vortex seemed like the next best thing

>>40789120
i actually put in an order for a nitrogen tank

>>40789190
I'll be your friend anon, what principles do you try to live by? It's difficult to find people who value the same things you do, especially in the lgbt community

I don't really want to be your friend because you're waaay too immature and womanchild-ish, but sometimes I fantasize about facefucking you and boinking your brains out, and that's pretty cool. If we didn't have an important mutual we would never speak again, but alas...!

I think about you way more than I should for someone who’ll never be yours

I don't believe in transgenderism at all.

>>40789298
i would like a friend. i really value honesty, hard work, an existential belief in one’s ability to make choices, self-improvement, and contributing to my community and the world around me. i just want to make friends who aren’t sexpest substance addict bpd neets who will hate me as soon as i mildly disappoint them.

>>40790081
I'm not a sex pest and value those things as well, do you have discord?

>>40790081
I value those things as well, and I'm not a sexpest, don't have substance abuse problems, don't have BPD (but I do have depression), and I work full time. Do you have a discord?

>>40790001
if you are her i want u to be mine badly

I'm still sad, and even slightly angry that I took a photo just for you and not only you ignored me for an entire night but that it also pushed me to take a stupid decision, I know it's not your fault which is why I can't feel anger towards you but I despise myself for being so weak and falling into the trap of someone that takes me for granted and is abusive towards me, I miss talking to you, a lot.

I don't really see a future for myself at all. My memory and dissociation only keeps getting worse. Hell I've forgotten what I was originally was going to type next. I struggle to connect with anyone cause im an autistic, self-centered freak who deep down, doesn't actually care about hearing what you have to say as much as what banal bullshit about my special interests I can word vomit at you. I don't have any career prospects, my current job is destroying my body, and when I'm too broken keep working, I guess I'll just bedrot like I did in the pandemic. The only things keeping me going is spite and rage. I can't even drink anymore, so I just get too high to move. I can't even talk about any of this to anyone. I'm surrounded by hugboxing hypersexual assholes who wont listen when I tell them I'm fucking drowning.

>>40790200
Any info about yourself for me to see if you’re who the message was about?

>>40784420
hey idk if this is worth much it probably doesnt help at all but fwiw, but ur not alone. idk how to fix it, idk if u can fix it, but this has been my life for years now and im still going somehow. i hope ur around for a while longer too. im srry anon <3

It’s been two years. I still can’t forget you, everytime I get reminded of you I check out my texts from you or our discord messages. We had such a good time together. I miss you and that. Hope you miss me too

>>40790221
i miss you in sorry if my actions are abusive i hate myself
>>40790327
i’m an h but i don’t think yr her sorry

bump

My fetish is open/out gay men having intense sex with straight women.

i want to fuck my ex for the third time

>>40794072
Why? Man or woman?

God damn do I miss you, you really were special and I'll never meet someone as amazing as you. I fucked up so badly and I really wish I could try again so badly. I would do anything just for the chance. I want to love you and take care of you properly this time. I was so fucking selfish and stupid. I probably deserve to be where I am now, but I can't help but hope we could try again this time and hopefully realize that dream of living together. I think about it everyday.

>>40794454
woman
im pretty sure she kinda hates me but she also misses me
i also hate her now but that doesnt stop me missing her either xdd

>>40777822 (OP)
if I had the guts to kill myself, I'd do it right now, being honest.

I've had enough, I've had enough of shitty british terfs, I've had enough with the fragile, weak fucking men offended over everything, yet somehow, it's my fault you're a pussy little bitch crying about trannies all day online and IRL, if anyone should be roping themselves it's you dejected fucking failures of skin you call men.

Just ONE fucking nice day would be nice, every fucking man I date, sees me as a fucking easy shag, nothing more, nothing ever more. The one guy I actually adored, only wanted me as a friend

I'm verging 30 in a few months, I'm really gonna end it soon, I don't wanna live like this anymore in the UK. It'll get better totally! Yeah, that's why i've spent close to 30 years suffering.

I'm not even bad looking, I just don't look passable, if I stayed as a man I'd have been dead years ago, joy of joys. I'm one of the saddest individuals I know, devoid of any happiness. My friends, multiple times, have told me I'm fucking miserable. Yeah guys, I know, you can thank years of abuse from men and women for that, imagine being depressed when your whole life has been a shitty roll from the get go, raised myself, looked after my mum and family, what did I get? Fucked up, that's what I got. At least everyone else is normal. I guess the cost of my other family members being okay was the complete and utter destruction of my own mental health. I hope when i kill myself they can move on passed this, knowing it was coming.

You make me very happy and I really do hope you feel the same way I enjoy our time together and every minute spent with you is time well spent

I hope somewhere down the line youre wearing a beautiful white dress and I get to see you smile and tell me you love me

>>40777822 (OP)
im a turboslut and get far to much validation from sex.

>>40777822 (OP)
bump

>>40790142
i have depression too, i'm on here after all. i'd love to talk.

disc: 5yearsover

>>40790081
>>40790142
I'm sorry for not giving more information about myself. I think a lot of people in the LGBT community value hedonism/short term pleasure over longer term fulfillment and it leads to a lot of misery and disconnect from fulfillment. I work a career that allows me to help people and better my community and it's one of the few right decisions I've made in my life. I try for self improvement but sticking to it has been difficult.

God, I miss you, M...

sometimes I think I should just date the next guy who says he likes me no matter what and never break up with him no matter what he does to me. I really hate being alone more than I hate being treated poorly or abused. there's something wrong with my brain and I wouldn't be happy with someone normal anyway because this is the only kind of thing I understand as romance anyway

>>40777822 (OP)
You are the only person I ever want to talk to, I’m sorry the sexual chemistry was so bad we had to break up but I’m gonna kms in the next few months if that’s any consolation (it’s not bc you’re nice)

>>40796730
:(

>>40786114
Sorry to double-message you (I'm the other one too); are you still here anon? I've been thinking about this all day despite how slim the odds realistically are

What fucks someone up so bad they feel the need to molest another person?

i confess that i think
TRANS ATTRACTED NEEDS TO BE ADDED TO LGBTQIA2+2+4
IF TRANS PEOPLE ARE VALID
THEN ITS VALID TO BE ATTRACTED TO THEM
CHASER IS THE LANGUAGE OF BIGOTS

>>40797564
having a life of minimal adversity then someone actually telling you no idk this among other things

>>40797583
Checks out a bit actually. Perhaps my assailant was super coddled and was the type to not take no for an answer, judging by her behavior. But man. It's crazy how some people just.. do that to others.

I want to be hit during sex but would never trust anyone enough to actually be okay with it

i think communication is impossible. in a wittgensteinian way i cant speak of my mental anguish in any sort of sensical way.
in part it's probably because my entire life is online; i had to cast my net deep and wide into the world to find like 5 people that i trust.
and my inclination is to isolate, and it's getting worse
i hate my job too like damn

I fear I will never not be someone's boyfriend unless I go t4t, but I worry its bad or wrong to want that. I tried st4t and i know not everyone is the same but it sucked so bad I don't think that's an option for me anymore

>>40790327
NTA but
Im three for the price of one. IYKYK

>>40790001
I think about you too much even knowing you already belong to someone else. I will celebrate your happiness with glee, but always dream just a little about what it would be like to hold such a dazzling star in my own arms.

>>40786114
relatable, I accidently got such a big crush on my online friend :( I don't know if mutual but she lets me send her fit checks and calls me cute and I am gonna make her a necklace. I wanna dance with her

>>40798087
I came the hardest I ever have when I slapped myself so hard I felt like I might pass out

>>40777822 (OP)
Other then general yearning for physical intimacy and to be perceived and unconditionally loved... duh

But mainly nothing brings my heart to a flutter quicker then a pathetic, cathartic couples suicide. I wanna have such aggressive, degerate sex with another tgirl that it sets the bible belt ablaze. I wanna hold her and be held back, to wallow in self pity together with no fear of embarrassment nor resentment, and being able to provide the same would make me happier then receiving. All culminating into the bittersweet decision to end on a high note and off ourselves together (or take each others life either works honestly), holding each other gingerly as our blood combines and the weight of our decision sets in as the life in our eyes trickles out.

I doubt ill ever find myself with someone of the same end goal and thats alright, but nothing would make me happier

>>40799219
I don’t like that the main problems in my life are footnotes to you

>>40799219
This is a death cult of defeated humans.

>>40777822 (OP)
I hate thinking about my ex so much and I fear that I’m gonna pass up good men because I want someone exactly like him

>>40777822 (OP)
I sobbed today for gothic king cobra jfs, i never got to know josh, he was a voice that came through when i was working on art that was oddly there and in some way i didn’t feel so lonely, its heart breaking to know that people bullied the guy because he was unapologetically himself, and he had those even if he didn’t realize it that cared about him. I’m heart broken that a guy i saw as a comfort through a screen is gone forever and it hurts, I’m sending nothing but prayers to his family

>fuck suicide, fuck rape, fuck sickos hail cobras magick 1991-2025

>>40798680
>>40786114
good luck nonas im in this situation but we're both guys and idk what he thinks of me but he is so cute

>>40799508
I miss my boy already. I'm doing drink combos in his memory. It's so weird how shocking it is despite this being the most obvious outcome. It really hits home how much you're hoping that he'd have some sort of health issue that would wise him up. It's hard to think that it's just done.

>>40777822 (OP)
My best friend of 5 years ended up as my boyfriend. I loved him but I think he died. He tried mushrooms and his entire personality vanished. A few months after this occurrence he tortured, raped me, and caused heavy damage to my liver (drugged all my stuff so that he could harvest my blood for sauce). My whole friend group was kinda in on it and left me there with him that night. He was pretty creative with the torture because he’s an excellent med student. All this happened a few years after I recovered from being bullied for most of my life. This all happened because people get so obsessed with me that they want to physically tear me apart. Fast forward to now, I tried dating again and ended up with a woman that was really kind to me but ended up giving me way too much weed and started choking the hell out of me because she liked the way my face looked. Do I just stop trusting people? I wouldn’t say I “fell for it again.” People are just genuinely unpredictable. There’s no way in hell I can predict if someone is gonna do this kinda stuff to me. I feel that the only way to escape this hell of a world is to kill myself

>>40799612
its either the worst luck imaginable or else its something in you that subconsciously gives off signals to potential abusers. i don't think this is your fault nona. i think you will find someone who isn't insane or else find happiness in yourself.

i think i may kill myself if she never comes back

>>40789382
F?

>>40799573
I got little ceasars pizza, watched tombstone, and made pilk (don’t drink) I miss the boy horribly

>>40777822 (OP)
I think a lot of you are a bunch of annoying faggots and you should probably kill yourselves, The ones that can't pass well enough and live normal lives you should probably just de-trans or off yourself

>>40777822 (OP)
I just want to live in a relatively normal world full of relatively normal people, who are honest without being mean unnecessarily. I just want to live my life how I see fit and nobody bothers me about it. but mainly because no one can tell

>>40799666
I am not American so squeezers is off the table but I got the ingredients for Cobra's Mist and Cobra's Jack and some doritos. Gonna listen to Life Ain't Fair.

>>40799621
I draw in a type of obsessive person that wants to wear my skin. Not sure what about me draws in these kinds of people, but people tend to reveal that as they hurt me. Thanks for the encouragement. I just gotta keep trying. There’s bound to be good people out there that like me for just me.

still, you act like everything that happened was my fault. cried like a little bitch today because i threw away all of my career prospects to move to the city like you wanted. it cost me everything and then we broke up because i realized you were abusing me. i do not enjoy you, please stop talking about me on social media. i should have been smart enough to see through the suicide baiting at the beginning, because my time with you was not worth it at all

DARVO, DARVO, DARVO, keep telling your followers how "bad your ex was" and "the situation my ex put me in is so awful" when I was nothing but supportive of you until the end and the so-called situation is of your own doing.

by the way, since you finally found a new place, i really hope you didn't move any closer. i like to keep my distance from abusers & future pedophiles

> t. ranny who just wants her old job back

>>40799669
mean

I exclusively hook up only with other men over 60 despite being in my mid 20's.
oldest so far being 78.
[spoiler]i had my first gf when i was 20 and was also juggling 3 old guys on the side[/spoiler]

>>40800828
Hot. I also got fucked by a lot of 60+ men in my 20s (and have still done it in my 30s but I have a gf now and don't wanna cheat on this one)

>>40800828
I've got hook-ups with two new guys organized for next week.
can't stop seeing them, i wasn't diddled as a kid or anything so have no idea how age difference fetish popped up.
older men are just really attractive, cheating isn't cool in hindsight though.

>>40800854
I've got hook-ups with two new guys organized for next week.
can't stop seeing them, i wasn't diddled as a kid or anything so have no idea how age difference fetish popped up.
older men are just really attractive, cheating isn't cool in hindsight though.

>>40799508
>>40799573
>>40799666
>>40799714
Anyone who actually hated josh and contributed to his decline in both physical and mental state is a 100% turbo faggot.
I like to think most the people who followed him actually did genuinely like his personality and online presence unironically, i know i did.
Someone described his death the same as looking over the mound where your old childhood dog is buried, you knew it was coming but it still makes you sad.
RIP COBES.

>>40800881
>can't stop seeing them, i wasn't diddled as a kid or anything so have no idea how age difference fetish popped up.
Me either lol. I had a good childhood, it's just fun to get railed by older guys.

>cheating isn't cool in hindsight
Agreed, also cheated and shouldn't have done that part.

>>40800930
It can be both true that someone was a piece of shit and that they were endearing. The biggest problem with him and Clint is their inability to understand that people who loved Cobra were also people who messed with him. And that there is a difference between the people who doordashed him catfood and the people who SWATed him. Of all the lolcows Cobra was the one who I most wanted to see do good.

>>40800943
yeah, i won't pretend josh was the pinnacle of good morality, obviously he wasn't but underneath it all he was a interesting guy who was mostly decent-natured and was severely disadvantaged in life from the very start.
I've seen people calling clint a piece of shit for not intervening and getting josh help sooner, but realistically what could he do and how do they know with 100% certainty he hadn't tried many times before ?
josh was still a adult capable of life choices at the end of the day and unfortunately a minority of people genuinely wanted him to suffer for just being a weird autistic goth goober instead of just laughing at but mostly enjoying his weird personality.
watching clint breakdown over how josh did matter as a person and wasn't just a punching bag for everyone was sad as fuck and you still got spergs coming at him calling him a piece of shit who didn't care about him at all.
fuck tubes, blogposting about how gay and retarded the world is d00d's.

>>40801005
Clint absolutely enabled Josh and could have done more. That's objective fact. It's just unfair to say that he didn't love Josh. Everyone is limited and has to live their own life. Just because Clint wasn't ideal doesn't mean he was awful or malicious. It's easy to sit there with no emotional investment and with hindsight to say "he should do this".

>>40800943
>>40800930
I think I realized it last night before bed more than ever, Cobies was the type of guy in his younger years that I’d follow around enamored by in my 20s, like yeah he’s a goober and doesn’t understand half of what he’s saying. A standing walking and talking contradiction that shouldn’t be but you can’t imagine life without seeing this goofball around, like you joke that even though you drank all night with them and blew through at least 3 grams of coke that he would undoubtedly live past you all because he was himself with and without the party. Loyal to a fault, unintentionally hilarious and one of the most endearing people you’ll ever meet even if they were a bit stinky. This was my friend Jake for me, he’s gone now too, the last time we talked was him sending me a pick after he left one night and then a month later him doing coke off of a machete then he’s gone less than a year later. Tell people you love them I guess is the important aspect of life it’s all you can do

>>40801036
For me and a lot of people Cobra is just very relatable. He represents us at our worst. Getting frustrated with inanimate objects, not taking care of ourselves, being stubborn, looking dumb, and so on.
For example https://youtu.be/7E4StlboB48
we've all done shit like this.
A couple of times now I've thought of something and I've had to remind myself "oh this is just it", there's no more "he might turn it around" or content. He's just gone.

suffer for me
cry for me
die for me

>>40801145
I look for a “responce video” but know there will never be one

>>40801245
It's a shame that there was no last highlight, all of his latest content was garbage.

I've often wondered what it would be like to go on a killing spree. Some kind of slow burn cat and mouse game, maybe try to kill a few high profile people to really get people talking. I'm curious how I'd handle the psychological alienation of crossing that line. But in reality it would probably be a retarded experience with retarded consequences, but regardless, a fun thought.

>>40800936
it is very fun.
i do think most people would be shocked how many 'straight' married family men suddenly get crazy for skinny twink ass if you throw it out there though.
in my small town of 20k i've had probably 200 married guys contact me over a 18 month period looking to smash.
kind of disgusting and shameful in a way.
oh well, your loving dad might be secretly fucking men less then half your age, enjoy that thought.

>>40801036
basically, he reminds me of the other autismo's id hang around with as a teenager, everyone shits on them but really they're the best friends you'll ever have even if they are genuinely weird.
mine was a fat guy called dan who'd make whale noises and sperg about gaming pc's whilst living in a trailer with his 4 siblings.
probably the best friend i ever had and reminds me insanely of ole joshy.

i know you read my diary. i'm not upset you read it. i'm upset that it influences the way you act and strips you of your innocence.

>>40801889
Yeah they are absolutely everywhere. Like a secret society of old guys smashing twinks, networked together by the internet. It's so hot.

>>40799523
You too dear! Maybe the real edating was the friend we make along the way :)

Stop judging me for being sexual and kinky like it’s my fault I’m this way. I don’t need to be reminded of my dad’s shame on me, my brain does that enough on its own. I keep to myself because I already feel like the biggest creep to walk the earth. The only people who do this to me are non-transfems. Shit makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come out

a lot of the time i jerk off to rape fantasies people have written about me

I don't even know what's wrong with me, I have a "fetish" but no matter what I do whenever I try to masturbate to it I get disgusted by it and have to switch to something else in order to actually get off or it just ruins my night. I have obsessive thoughts about it, why would I be thinking about it if I don't like it at all. I have tried accepting it but I can't get off to it no matter what yet I still have sexual thoughts about it. I can't get into a relationship when I'm like this and just feel a sense of disgust about myself all the time

Feeling bad about not being dysphoric enough. On one hand I'm not suffering in my body as much as other, but on the other hand I feel faketrans because I just. Want to be born intersex instead of having to wait and think about scary surgeries or whatever.

If you break up with her, text me, I only blocked you on discord, not text/WhatsApp. I just want to be together, I still think of you. It is complicated and there are mixed feelings, but I miss you, even though you hurt me very badly. Don't message unless you are single again. I would like to go see you and cuddle together. I am really sad that we never met irl.

I want therapy really bad. I can't talk to friends about my issues it feels like needless overbearing traumadumping