>>42531171
>>42534705
>I dont have the human impetus to do anything but reflect.
>I am not a real human.
>Neckbeards can at least talk about something as stupid as ponies with a smile on their face and clarity in their hearts. I could not do so.
You sound like you like rationality and reasonability, or at least think that if you have a problem, then you must use your intellect to solve it. If that rings true even a little bit, then the first thing you must learn is that your emotional center that generates the drive to "talk about something as stupid as ponies with a smile on your face" is not commanded by your logic or intellect. You can not rationalize your way neither out of depression, nor into happiness.
Im gonna reiterate, you can NOT rationalize your way into having a drive to "talk about something as stupid as ponies with a smile on your face". Because that problem does not originate from logical part of the brain. Worse yet, this problem can hijack logical part of your brain and make itself self-sustaining by the power of self-justifying rationalizing, by the power "that's how things should be forever, and here are all the logical arguments that support this". By making you work on justifying why you should avoid anything that can prove that "nothing is good for you", instead of improving your situation. When you make logical arguments to support why you should be happy, your emotional part of the brain would ignore it tho, no matter how true or logical they are. Because that part prioritizes short-term pain-avoidance over long-term growth and happiness.
>and then lament why nobody can read my mind
There is very comprehensive answer on youtube that explains it much better than I could:
https://youtu.be/N-Zel07vrro?t=97
But main points are:
- in your brain your thoughts are all over the place but speech is contained in linguistic cortex, so tunneling your thoughts throughout linguistic cortex it's a separate skill to level up(it's not free unfortunately).
- assumptions- your thoughts make perfect sense because your mind automatically fills in the blanks, but when speaking/writing these fills are absent. you need to figure out which blanks you need to explicitly fill in but for that you need to think not about yourself but your readers. which blanks they can fill in themselves? which blanks only make sense to you. if unsure, fill in the blank and trim it later.
- calm your mind. beating yourself up and fueling your anxiety by trying to run away from anxiety-inducing thoughts degrades your capability to communicate. the more you avoid anxiety-inducing thoughts and survive while doing it, the more your brain learn that its a "good anxiety" that "helped you avoid death". even when its about thoughts like "this proves that nothing is good for me" which absolutely do not pose risk of death and avoidance of them gives you a net negative result by depriving you of opportunity of growth while "saving" you from nothing but a momentary discomfort.
