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7/21/2025, 2:25:03 PM
i keep finding old photos of myself from when i was 18 and 19 and it makes me so sad. i was so naturally cute and feminine i wanted to started hrt then but i depression-repped until i was 21
i don't want to be a twinkhon :c i don't want to be an ugly man. am i just dooming? did anything even really happen from 19 to 21?
i don't want to be a twinkhon :c i don't want to be an ugly man. am i just dooming? did anything even really happen from 19 to 21?
7/16/2025, 12:24:10 AM
>>40398115
i realised that every thought pattern i have that's recognisably gendered is feminine instead of masculine. i've literally never mentally related to any normal cis man
this includes my fucked up social experience at an all boys school growing up, my teenage anorexia and self harm, my relationship with my mom, my relationship with any of my hypothetical future children that i can't give birth to, and also all the doctors who have called me hysterical instead of treating me......
i realised that every thought pattern i have that's recognisably gendered is feminine instead of masculine. i've literally never mentally related to any normal cis man
this includes my fucked up social experience at an all boys school growing up, my teenage anorexia and self harm, my relationship with my mom, my relationship with any of my hypothetical future children that i can't give birth to, and also all the doctors who have called me hysterical instead of treating me......
7/10/2025, 10:03:27 AM
how am i supposed to forgive my parents for not letting me transition when i was 15? now i'll never be normal
7/6/2025, 4:06:50 AM
i had to wait 6 years to start hrt.
i started estrogen diy when i was 15/16, but my parents found out and stopped me. i got put in a psychiatric hospital for 6 months, and the NHS told me i was on a "list" for trying to do hormones diy. afterwards i was so depressed i lost total hope until i left home when i was 18.
when i left home i moved to canada and couldn't get DIY because of my immigration status. because of the pandemic it took me another year to find a doctor (literally just to get *a* doctor). when i was 20, i was finally able to get a prescription, but was so suicidal i wasn't even getting out of bed to do the blood tests. i finally started at 21.
should i just kill myself for not trying harder to do DIY when i was a teenager? i feel like my whole time at university has been ruined by the pandemic plus not starting estrogen. i want to throw up. 6 fucking years
this whole time i've just felt frozen. watching my body rot and not being able to move, not being able to talk to people. just lying in bed knowing what needs to happen to fix my life and not being able to do it.
i started estrogen diy when i was 15/16, but my parents found out and stopped me. i got put in a psychiatric hospital for 6 months, and the NHS told me i was on a "list" for trying to do hormones diy. afterwards i was so depressed i lost total hope until i left home when i was 18.
when i left home i moved to canada and couldn't get DIY because of my immigration status. because of the pandemic it took me another year to find a doctor (literally just to get *a* doctor). when i was 20, i was finally able to get a prescription, but was so suicidal i wasn't even getting out of bed to do the blood tests. i finally started at 21.
should i just kill myself for not trying harder to do DIY when i was a teenager? i feel like my whole time at university has been ruined by the pandemic plus not starting estrogen. i want to throw up. 6 fucking years
this whole time i've just felt frozen. watching my body rot and not being able to move, not being able to talk to people. just lying in bed knowing what needs to happen to fix my life and not being able to do it.
6/19/2025, 5:39:03 AM
>>40103791
i kinda look like this one and this one is not a girl in a hoodie imo, it looks like a shy boy in a hoodie
i kinda look like this one and this one is not a girl in a hoodie imo, it looks like a shy boy in a hoodie
6/19/2025, 1:12:56 AM
>>40100604
same i look like this drawing
same i look like this drawing
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