in two weeks time i wouldn't have had sex in 10 years.

>>514158548
>see tobacco thread
>roll a cigarette
>smoke it
>feel relaxed

the thing that's most turning on about sex is your control over your partner.

if you rattle her around just right, and make her orgasm multiple times she might as well be putty in your hands.

I mean

>be me
>2nd relationship
>gf insists on writing goodnight essay messages with myriad multicoloured heart emoji mosaics
>play along for a few days
>notice the length increasing
>friend wants me to come out one night
>aeroplane mode.png
>get back home at 8am after being out all night doing stimulants with friend
>deactivate aeroplane mode
>50 missed calls
>wtf.jpg
>phone rings
>answer
>gf is psychotic over the phone
>says she's coming over
>30 minutes pass
>banging on the front door shouting
>answer door
>she pushes her way in crying saying that i don't care about her
>tell her i was out with a friend and that she's worrying about nothing
>pulls my trousers down and fills her mouth with my cock
>end up fucking right there and proceed to go upstairs
>run towards my room and open the door
>got on the floor
>everyone walk the dinosaur

Tesco finest sausages 10 for £2.15 lads

bargain

remember zoomers,

before fucking, use your index finger and middle finger, insert fingers into her vagina with the back of your hand parallel the floor. then instead of falling for the novice trap of pulling your fingers out then reinserting them, proceed to bend your fingers repeatedly smashing upwards to the vaginal errogenous zone. as her body starts to tense up from this repeated action, then rub her clitoris. this will force her to orgasm. do this two or three times then her brain will be completely on another dimension so it won't even matter if you cum in 30 seconds.

if you do that she'll fall in love with you.

xylophones

watching dragons den, gonna be a millionaire, me.

legalise prescription opioids

>>512984099
>snooker
you must be pic related hans

>>512715207
if you're like me, (pic related) you can say anything to a bird and she'll make some weird excuse in her head because you're handsome.

>>512487232
>neighbour annoyed
love pulling up to a traffic light with me windows open blasting classic FM. visceral disgust on normoid faces

gonna crank me knob to stella francis' cock as it flaps about whilst i'm fucking her.

i wanna fuck stella francis so fucking hard while giving her a reacharound that she starts convulsing, cumming down my leg, deflating her so much so that a physical beating is in order.

when I've spunked on her back i'll set it on the side of my sick and make her snort it and then punch her round the jaw.

so many anons obsessed with having hair. i'm bald but have a very chiselled face and being bald hasn't been a problem whatsoever

>>511094990
being bald is excellent if you're handsome, and that means you don't need a beard.

checkmate facelet.