>>214252356
For the past 5 years I've tried turning myself gay, unfortunately I have failed. I crave love, affection, loyalty and intimacy from a woman, and I have to live with the fact that no woman will ever be capable of loving me. I could be perfect, have everything, and my woman would just view me as an atm, use me for resources, get bored, betray me, cheat on me, hate me etc. I crave romance, something no straight man can ever experience, I would say it's over, but for that to be true, it needs to have at one point started, it never did. We were cursed at birth to live cold, loveless lives devoid of companionship. Funny thing is, I duped myself into believing otherwise for years, either thinking I could find the "one" or that I was going to finally become attracted to men and find someone I can be in a mutually loving relationship, someone who understands me, someone who won't get the ick if I get vulnerable and affectionate with them, and I never felt much despair despite knowing the truth deep down, but my world crashed down on me after I finally admitted this to myself tonight. I wish things were different. Maybe in another life, if there will be one.
