sometimes i like to think that if i never date, remain a khhv, never have kids, that im actually practicing eugenics so its not only to my benefit

anyways, since i started posting these threads ive noticed so many women making similar threads, about being scared of men, it makes me incredibly sad. i hope all the other femanons (and anons) find their person eventually

ive never found men attractive unless i was in love with them. no one ever believes that, and i couldn't really care less if they dont. i find all men disgusting to look at if im not in love, and the moment i start falling out of love i find the person unattractive

i cant even objectively "appreciate" what a man looks like. ive never found a male character or actor attractive. ive never had a crush on someone irl. but i know im straight because ive never loved a woman

which is why im so stupidly able to fall in love with a guy whos face ive never seen. im so intensely in love with a man i cant see. and this is what my love life is like at almost 20. im utterly pathetic

today's a really nice day and i was looking forward to going outside, but my appointment got cancelled. ill only get to enjoy it in my backyard when i finally get to have a cigarette

love is so annoying and painful, im so fucking lovesick (in the scientific, modern way) and its miserable. imagine having unrequited love and being stuck thinking about them 24/7, not being able to distract yourself whatsoever, its awful. i feel utterly pathetic. every time he gives the tiniest bit of reciprocation, it makes me melt. idek what he looks like, that makes this worse

hopefully itll be over and i can go back to being alone again, not talking to anyone, being a khhv forever

being in love really isnt worth the stress

im gonna start smoking again but purely for aesthetics and to be performative this time. i bought a pack of double happiness cigs because they didnt have lucky strikes or chunghwa