paradoxically i became much more deeply afraid of death after becoming a christian. i have no idea what being "saved" even means, even though deep in my soul i know it happened. i don't want to just sit in the clouds for eternity, but i'm not exactly into the idea of being ressurected later and spending infinite time on earth as a human. i'm not even sure how that would work cosmologically unless entropy is fake and gay. even if "heaven" is some unimaginable paradise with inexaustable amount of novelty. It's still FOREVER. i'm not into reincarnation either. i suspect that christ taught something completely different nobody has really been able to parse. I've looked into gnosticism and i didn't find it appealing either.
