Thread 33522826

11 posts 14 images /adv/

mellysmelly 8/18/2025, 5:00:22 AM No.33522826 >>33522856 >>33522887

woman sucks at socializing

hi. I'm super boring. I used to be told I was fun to be around, so different from other people n stuff. I'm super open minded, I can laugh at anything, and I'm fine with talking to anyone regardless of identity or interests. I used to be super social, loud, and well.. cool! though now I've become more quiet, reserved, and distant. the only friends i do have, i barely talk to, simply because i just don't know how to talk. its like I've lost all conversational skills out of the blue for a few months now. I don't know why. the few friends i try and make get bored of me, women and men. men more because they seem to just hope ill send them stuff when.. i don't. lol. not in the friend bizz for that. anyway, with women it just feels like I'm not feminine or masculine enough at times, and for the men who aren't.. like that, I'm just too awkward or something. what do i do?? sorry for the word vomit.

Anonymous 8/18/2025, 5:11:01 AM No.33522856 >>33522897

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>>33522826 (OP)
It sounds like you’re going through a depression, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’m a 40 yo man and I have found that socializing needs to be goal-oriented. No one really has the luxury to shoot the shit, so it makes conversation seem less vital unless you do it intentionally. For women, the analog tends to be about the welfare of your friend group. If yours is crap or you’re not getting a reciprocal response, this “boredom” is just your body saying, “why should I even waste energy in these losers?”

My advice is that if you reorient your goals, you’ll discover a new purpose. Depression usually is rooted in a lack of purpose or fear of choosing one, but know this: if you don’t find a purpose, one will be assigned to you regardless.

This sounds ominous but it’s true.

Anonymous 8/18/2025, 5:20:17 AM No.33522887 >>33522923

>>33522826 (OP)
Isolation will kill your personality. You just need to force yourself to talk more

mellysmelly 8/18/2025, 5:21:57 AM No.33522897 >>33522953

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>>33522856
I suppose it being depression is possible, I was diagnosed with it forever ago, but its weird since I've been more at peace with myself compared to back then. whatevz with it I suppose. Thank you, though. I realize it is really a goal-thing. I feel like Im aiming at the air when it does come to conversing with others, Its just kind of pointless. I suppose I do get uncomfortable when things get personal, as Im more of a listener rather than a support and philosopher when it comes to being vulnerable with my "girlfriends" so it gets awkward considering i only really have one or two friends. bleh, just thank you, and sorry for the word vomit again.. just helps to see a different perspective on social relations!!

mellysmelly 8/18/2025, 5:28:08 AM No.33522923 >>33522974

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>>33522887
urghh absolute torture

Anonymous 8/18/2025, 5:36:04 AM No.33522953 >>33523031

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>>33522897
It makes sense. I’m sure it’s the same for women, but once I have a clear vision of what I need to do next, wallowing in despair is deemed unnecessary.

What usually pulls me out of it is going for a long walk and talking to myself. It sounds weird, but you’d be surprised what comes out of your mouth when you are being honest. This serves several functions:

a) you get exercise, which is the first to go when depressed
b) you’ll take care of basic hygiene before you’re out in public, which is right behind exercise
c) you can be a friend to yourself, which can be just an imaginary ideal “friend” that listens to your every word and gives you the reassurance you crave
d) nature has healing properties
e) you create an example of “trying”, which means you’re taking a proactive approach instead of waiting for things to get better (they won’t)

Anonymous 8/18/2025, 5:40:40 AM No.33522974 >>33523208

>>33522923
>its either I go all in, social or alone
nah you can ease into it, maybe start with talking to your friends more often

Anonymous 8/18/2025, 5:54:17 AM No.33523031 >>33523204

>>33522953
And just to add to this, chances are you’re feeling better chatting here, no? This should be a clear indicator that you crave socializing when it meets your needs—and that’s not a bad thing. Start to see things as transactional, but not zero-sum. Why can’t we all win?

Bear in mind, you need to be careful. Manipulative people will prey on you if they sense you’re lonely. Screen people and only let positive people into your life.

mellysmelly 8/18/2025, 6:52:20 AM No.33523204 >>33525670

>>33523031
to respond to both, I do talk to myself a lot, im weirdly chatty when alone, and I am a walker myself :) I think I just need to pace myself when it does come to socializing from what youve suggesting, not just spurting out blah blah when ive got the energy too.. but yes, I do enjoy chatting here every once in a while, which has also been helping a little bit with my issue. also yes!! ive delt w those bleh people before, im a lot better about it now. thank you so much as youve been wonderful help!! love getting a good mind to help me think about my own stuff, ur awesome dood!!

mellysmelly 8/18/2025, 6:53:39 AM No.33523208

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>>33522974
.. very good idea that im embarrassed I didnt think about, lol. Ill def give it a try, thank you !!

Anonymous 8/18/2025, 11:02:35 PM No.33525670

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>>33523204
I can give you a life hack that works for me:

Get a sip club membership at Panera Bread. Free coffee which resets every two hours. If I’m feeling socially stunted, being in that atmosphere and talking to a cashier is sometimes all I need to feel that humanity which I had “lost”. Of course, you may be shocked to find other similarly-stunted people out there, but this gives you a) cheap coffee and bathroom stop, and b) gets you out of the house.

Now, even sitting with a cup of coffee for a bit or just nursing a cold coffee in your car is all about the effort. What this means is that if you made the same effort towards finding a boyfriend or a new friend group, you can achieve that.

Bonus points if you just make it a daily ritual. The girl at my local Panera memorized my order so I usually compliment her and get to skip the line. All this can be your first just $15. MAKE THIS YOUR ERA - Shop Panera Today!