Thread 41449432

i love a man so much but i can never ever express how i feel to him because it’s inappropriate and weird and evil

it’s parasocial in nature and i hate my heart so much for doing this to me

i keep making this thread because i don’t know what else to do and i have no other way of expressing the feelings locked within my heart

he’s such a sweet man and i wish i could hold him, i wish he could hold me. i wish i existed in a context to where i could get to know him better, i wish i could make him smile and laugh, i wish i could spoil him and make him feel special, i wish he could keep me warm at night

i wish i could be his rock and make him feel special and wanted and loved, i wish i could cook his favorite foods and make him happy. i wish i could fix all of his problems and make his life easier, i wish i could keep him company so he’s not alone, i dont want him to be alone i want him to be happy, its all i want

but i can never have that, and i can never ever express my feelings. i dont want to make him uncomfortable or stressed out, he has enough on his plate as it is

i hate my heart for doing this to me, i hate being a boymoding tranny failure, a complete failure of a person

mokocchiposter
i’m in a similar situation
i’m a coward and and i wish i wasn’t what i am because that would bring him shame
to release these feelings are a burden to him

>>41449579
its so horrible to be in this situation, no?

it makes you feel so cowardly yet so awful for even having the emotions you lock away
you cant say anything but it burns a hole in your heart
its so painful

i dont know what to do, i just want him, all i want is him and most of all i want him to be happy, and it wounds my heart that i will never have a role in making him happy

i hate being a pathetic tranny failure

mirror mirror, you don’t reflect my inner beauty
mirror mirror, i know ill never make it

>>41449635
yes i ask for too much probably
even if it’s destroying me inside

no one will ever make me feel like he does and telling him anything feels like a slap to his face
to everything that i allow myself to have with him
hoping he’ll wake up one day and see how much i loved him but it’s not how it works

>>41449730
>no one will ever make me feel like he does and telling him anything feels like a slap to his face

this rings true to my heart so much it’s scary…i don’t want to give him up…all i want is him…i love him so much…

>hoping he’ll wake up one day and see how much i loved him but it’s not how it works

i cant stop crying and i don’t know what to do, i dont know what to do i dont know what to do

>>41449785
i’ve cried myself to sleep for almost 2 years over this now don’t become me
something has to break at some point

i’m not ok with being less that this to him but i can’t breathe without him there’s no point to anything without him

nothing hits like he does

>>41449842
im afraid im already like this, i too cry myself to sleep while thinking about him, i think about him when i wake up, i think about him throughout the day

im hopeless and there’s nothing i can do, and i cant ever tell him anything

i hate it so much, i hate being a tranny failure

>>41449867
we are trannies and it is up to them whether they accept that
by that i mean how much we can guilt them into accepting us

i’m gonna go cry again

>>41449903
im afraid that in my situation me being a tranny boymoding failure is not even the reason why i could never express my feelings towards him, it is so much more pathetic than you think

although im sure he would never want to be with a stupid evil tranny failure like myself, he would want a real woman

it doesn’t even matter though because regardless i can still never ever tell him about how i feel because of a wider context
im such a pathetic loser

what's the context of the situation?

>>41450181
i don’t want to say too much as to not reveal anything but
its parasocial in nature and he creates content on the internet, he is a rather small creator
i talk with him in a discord and sometimes on vc but im such a stupid coward i don’t even speak and use a mute chat he set up for people who don’t wish to talk

its so pathetic, and creepy and awful i feel this way about him but i can’t help it, my heart desires him and all i want is to make him happy. all i want is for him to be happy. he’s alone and he doesn’t have a high opinion of himself at times and i worry about him and his mental health. i wish i could tell him the emotions locked deep in my heart but i can’t because that would be awful and creepy and would stress him out and he would hate me, i just want him to be happy all i want is for him to be happy

i hate myself so much for being this way, i hate my heart for doing this to me, i hate being a pathetic tranny failure loser

>>41450181
>>41450217

i wish i could tell him how much he impresses me, how much i admire him, how i look up to him, he’s so mature and has done so much work on himself and came so far. he’s lived a hard life and has been through so much recently, i just want to hold him and tell him everything will be ok, i just want to be there for him, and spoil him and make him feel loved and cared for instead of alone, because he’s alone and it makes me so sad. he calls himself a loser sometimes and it makes me cry because he’s not a loser he’s a sweet kind, unique and talented man who’s one of a kind. i wish i knew about him in a different context but instead im a creepy tranny loser

i hate it so much

>>41450217
desu if he's a small creator and you know him well you might have a chance
I've dated small streamers in the past without being a content creative myself, just a silly guy in their chats
Do you know his opinions on trans girls? Does he know you're a girl?

>>41450244
how did you come to date the small streamers in the past? did you know them from their content?
i don’t know his opinions on trans girls to be honest, he’s trans friendly i know that much but i have no clue if he would actually date one…
he does know im a girl and i think he knows im trans, idk its kinda obvious in some ways and i also ordered merch he recently started with my legal name and he had to reference and look my order at one point to give me a tracking number, i remember when he did he replied when it would come with a smile ascii, so he knows i am a male i am sure

i just…i dont know…its so hard for me to imagine how it could happen, how i could make it appropriate, because my feelings feel so inappropriate…i dont know what to do…but i think about him all the time and often end up crying…i just want him so bad, i just want to make him happy and make him not be alone…

>>41450296
>how did you come to date the small streamers in the past?
I just chatted a lot
I used to be super active and small streamers would take a liking to me because I was always there for them
then we'd chat 1 on 1 and that eventually led to dating
> did you know them from their content?
yep
all the streamers I've dated I've known from their content, never before that

>how I could make it appropriate
If you chat 1 on 1 with him, then you can just get closer to him
Compliment him, reassure him when he's feeling down, ask how he's doing, what he's up to, say good morning and good night, be there for him, he'll notice if you put in the effort
Of course don't be excessive with it
Try to think of him as a friend, not as someone you look up to or anything like that
To date him you first have to demystify him, see him as a person
That'll help you be more confident about it

>>41450355
i see, im glad you were able to make things work in the past

ill take your words to heart, and will try and heed them

for what its worth, i do talk with him 1 on 1 quite often, sometimes at night for hours based on stuff we’re mutually interested in. its always so nice when i get to do that, i feel so happy when its just me and him chatting
i try and compliment him whenever possible and when appropriate like when he shares things that’s he’s made or just talking about his skills or things he’s done in the past, i say good morning and good night to him although i try not to be too excessive about that…and i try to be there when he’s feeling sad, the other night a week ago or so he seemed to be in a really sad mood and called himself a loser and said some other concerning stuff, i slipped and said i worry about him…i felt like that was too much in the moment but he still talks to me so idk…
the more i learn about him the more my heart pines for him…
i also buy him lots of gifts anonymously and send him little notes, i think it may be obvious its me from my writing style but idk, part of me prays he notices its me, its embarrassing how much money ive spent on him…

if i may ask, how did you end up approaching the subject of dating with the content creators you knew? how did such a thing come up? did you ask them or did they ask you?

i just want to be appropriate with him, the last thing i want to do is creep him out or make him uncomfortable and stressed…

>>41450414
I'd recommend not buying stuff for him
I think that can make things feel a bit guilt trippy if you know what I mean
It puts the relationship in a weird spot, makes you feel more like a simp (I don't know how else to say it) rather than a friend

>how did you end up approaching the subject of dating
I've honestly never ever asked someone to date and by that I mean I never go "wanna be my gf?" or anything like that, so I don't have experience in those kind of talks
You'll know if things are going in that direction
The subtle flirting, the things they confide in you, all that stuff
For streamers it's especially obvious because you can see how they act with regular viewers vs with you

My suggestion is to keep building on that over time and after a few months just take that first step and tell him how you feel

>>41450589
you’re right i dont want to come across as a simp, thats why i send it anonymously but i think ill refrain from doing anything further

ill take your advice and keep talking to him, he confides sometimes and shows me things he’s created or done, and it seems like he talks to me more than the others but i dont know…i dont think he flirts with me but i dont know anything about flirting because im a khhv….

regardless im going to take your words to heart, thank you anon you’ve made me feel better and a little bit more optimistic

>>41450701
Good luck, nona
If you want to do some flirting I'd recommend calling him cute about stuff je does or says, it's a very mild compliment, but it'll land well if he likes you back, you'll notice
Also try to suggest doing stuff together, like watching a movie just you and him or an anime or something, ask what he's been meaning to watch and then make it happen
That should help you feel closer to him
Go get em!

>>41450771
ill try and do that more, i try to compliment him and make him feel special often times im the only one who does so

ill try and do stuff with him, i would really enjoy that so i hope he is amicable to the idea

genuinely thank you for the advice i really appreciate it, it means a lot to me and it makes me feel better about something ive been dooming about for far too long