nobody believes me when i tell them this but i was having sex with dana gould’s wife back in the mid 2000’s. we met at an ace hardware in costa mesa because we were both shopping for yellowjacket poison (i despise yellowjackets worse than the blackest nigger) and an affair began.
i wasnt the hottest piece of ass around but the alternative was sex with dana gould so i found myself engaging in routine lays about every other week or so, schedules permitting.
after the dicking was done i would start up his gamecube and subtly fuck with everything in his animal crossing game. i dont know if he ever noticed.
the weird thing was that his house had this one room in it with just a wicker chair and a tarp in it. i dont know who would want to sit in there, the seat didnt even have a bottom.
the affair ended amicably after i found a newer, tighter hole that hadnt had dana gould’d dick inside it
anyway go chokeland

as a woman its my right to get “the ick” and not be criticized literally even a little. my boyfriend crying gave me the ick, so i dumped his ass, you cant question that. sure, i get why one might cry when their sister and 7 other people died by machete in the woods and nobody ever caught the guy who did it but still: the ick.
man the fuck up, men, the only one allowed to cry around here is me when we run out of ice cream or i see a sad cat video or i had to break up with a boyfriend because he showed weakness
anyway, thank you for your attention to my instagram where i talk about how men arent men anymore while expecting the world to be handed to me on a silver platter because i have a greasy stench pit between my legs, nn frens

im like 99% sure my neighbor is running or otherwise involved with a dog fighting ring of some kind.
his whole back yard is just chainlink and concrete like some kind of suburban concentration camp.
he buys the cheapest of dogfood by the pallet.
every once in a while i see him take a hefty garbage bag with suspicious lumps in it out to the trash a minute before the truck picks it up too.
hes not married and all of his friends are scary looking brown people, bikers and that one guy that looks and dresses exactly like mr bean.
i think he beats them too, but it keeps the fucking noise down unlike my others neighbors great pyrenees, which i despise like ahab despised the great white one
now that ive written this all out i think its safe to say hes raising fighting dogs.
i dont really give a fuck if his property is just a nexus of canine fear and agony though since he chased a nigger away from my potting shed once, so he’s good in my book
anyway go bengos

look, fucko, you can buy any kind of raw dog food you like, but im the only one whos going to tell you what i and every one of my competitors are actually putting in spot’s dish as well as your hotdogs you scarf down at metlife stadium like the drunken fuckwitted animals you all are fuck how i hate you
a non exhaustive list of will now follow
>packers grade offal
>beef lips
>beef anuses
>sweat from the murderer’s gibbet
>naugahyde
>dennis (thats as its listed)
>beanie babies and beanie baby byproducts
>racoon (i guess theyre just grinding up whole coons)
>human hair
and finally for now
>canola oil
enjoy your slop, you fucking pigs, you’re no better than the gluttonous barking beasts eating it, its really cannibalism if you think about it. fuck i hate this business
anyway go puckers

its the little things that turned me off of dating trannies. its super fucking gay, i realize that now, but i think what settled it in my mind was when one i was seeing (she called it “dating”, which i took issue with) slipped while trying to climb a fence behind a tiddy bar and crushed her balls.
seeing that changed me inside, as did the ivermectin ive been using in blatant disregard for the warning that its only for use in horses; i think it flushed the sexual derangement out of me.
that same tranny said i was fucking crazy to be putting that in my body, this was coming from someone who let me put my dick in their body, which i dont recommend. i mean im going to attempt to do it still (to women now), but this is your informed consent, ladies. ive treated my cock like a rental car i borrowed from an asshole.
i guess my point here is dont fuck me if you know whats good for you
anyway go bangos

so you ass goblins were just going to keep it to yourself that early 20’s kate beckinsale starred in a movie (“uncovered”) where she’s sporting the most 90’s tomboy hair ive ever seen and investigating some murder mystery linked to an old ass painting?
thanks. really appreciate it.
>this is your autism, kot, fuck off and watch it instead of posting about it
not sure i want to watch it yet, the film stock and sound are a bit shit but hot damn do i need a fucking time machine because between her and natalie imbruglia in the “torn” video im starting to feel like we’ve had a precious treasure switched out for something fake and gay. fuck i hate modernity, the matrix was right, civilization peaked in the fucking 90’s.
anyway fuck any of you who knew and nn frens

the definition of crippling autism is (are?) my browser tabs, which are as follows
>3 tabs dedicated to finding parts for a ar-15 racegun which will never have more than a magazine through it in a noncompetitive environment
>4 tabs with at least as many unspeakably vile roleplays in them
>8 tabs open to various pornographies to keep myself aroused during lulls or to help fuel the sexually deranged men pretending to be women in the previous tabs
>1 tab open to any given warlockracy video
>2 tabs open shitposting here
and yet when i apply to the government with screenshots documenting this in order to get tismbux, im rejected and given a cease and desist. like what the fucks a nigger gotta do? fuck
anyway go gayders

i guess i could see how breadcrumbing a lunker i hooked on one of my catfishing expeditions over the course of 6+ years could be considered “fucking sociopathic” but its not like he wasnt getting anything out of it either, ok?
i knew i had to drop his ass when it stopped being about me writing bespoke porn stories and he started giving me skin care product recommends and telling me about his day and shit.
motherfucker, respect the game.
he seemed like a genuinely nice guy though. in another world i could have called him “friend” (assuming i didnt also harbor a deep mistrust of nonwhites in that other world)
anyway, still getting what i voted for and SO much more, nn again frens

im a numbers man at heart, so i can say very confidently that theres a very, very strong correlation between the whisperings of the whisky viper and my purchasing of dildos of various makes and lengths.
i never do anything with them except return them the same day if possible, but its disturbing to me to know that the only thing standing between me and massive anal tearing is the us postal system not delivering one of these bastards when im enjoying my weekly handle of white lightning and purple monster.
just one snowstorm or gas line explosion and i am 100% fucked in the ass, possibly with a bad dragon dildo.
anyway go chorgers