I can't socialize with people in the real world, because I end up acting like an autistic spurg.
I can't socialize with people on the internet, because I end up getting annoyed by whoever I talked too.
I can't be in a friend group, because they all end up seeing me as a lolcow
so I stopped talking to people and I tried to keep socialization a minimum. I haven't had a normal conversation in about 5 months,
the closest thing to socialization I get is the most Bare Bones exchange of pleasantries. this lifestyle has completely drained all energy from me and all joy in my life. now that I've gone back to college I've been putting all the energy that i have left into not killing myself. this has been gone on for so long that I completely forgot how to socialize and talk to people. I'm living in my own weird little hell that I created for myself and I don't see a way out.
I can't go back to therapy, all my therapist did for me was put me on drugs emotionally neutered me causing me to spiral into the wreck that I am today.
I don't have anyone to talk to, my family doesn't love me. I've always gotten the feeling that they resented me for being white.
i just don't know what to do.
i'm going insane
