>>40976337 (OP)
I am supposed to be enlightening the world with the knowledge that I develop through painstaking effort but because I am lazy, I avoid my purpose and avoid the world which causes me greater suffering. In the depths of suffering, I forget the reason why I came down here in the first place, submerged underneath the waters, tabernacle green.
Sorrow is an addiction as much as any. I have backed myself into a corner and one of these days, there will be no escape, and that is when I will feel the weight of regret for past inaction in earnest.
There is nothing that stings more than inaction that derives from fear. I fear I shall fail in my mission and thus I do not even try which leads to incredible self-loathing. I have never earnestly tried after that which I want, am meant to do, or desire and those are the currents that drag me down here among the reeds, the reefs, and the thousands of bloated corpses of those who have thrown themselves off the bridge into the murky water. The suicides are ever more frequent, the age of the demons is here, and if those who are meant to be leading toward the light forget and lose track of the light within, following the will'o-the-wisps, then what of the rest?
I am sorry that I could not have been better. I am sorry that I could not have done worse. I feel my end is not far off but for the rest, inescapable Stagnation. I hope against hope that I can somehow break out of it.
