Thread 82150742

hello anon. how are you feeling today? mondays are awful... but you can get through the week i know it! what's something you'd love to do at least once in your life?

>>82150742 (OP)
travel around the world anon like by myself just walking and camping in the woods or something and hitchhiking

>>82150742 (OP)
i hate mondays, hu tao anon
thinking about that made me want to eat some lasagna but i have none, woe is me

here's a pat on the back for you, as usual
stay safe out there, my dude
and sorry about passing out on you last time, shit happens when i'm with family, lol

>what's something you'd love to do at least once in your life?
i want to cuddle with a girl on a lazy, cold sunday morning, sit her on my lap and press my head against her chest while i caress her back and she hugs me
pretty sick and perverted, i know, but i can't help being a romance degenerate

i have to go to work in 5 hours and i will probably show up drunk but nobody will give a shit because it's blue collar

Two chicks at the same time but extremely originally

>>82150742 (OP)
fuck a korean bitch with my bwc

>>82150742 (OP)
Incredibly horny im sooo horny ugh

>>82150772
that does seem nice. i'd love to go camping in random places too. i think i will if everything in my life goes to shit
>>82150792
>i hate mondays
>thinking about that made me want to eat some lasagna
am i talking with garfield by any chance?
>here's a pat on the back for you, as usual
thanks, go have a nice day!
>sick and perverted, i know
hmm you didn't mention hand holding so i think you're safe from being labelled as a pervert!
>>82150873
well i can't blame you for doing that since blue collar jobs seem like hell to me, still try not to okay? i dont want you to crash on your way there or puke on the keyboard.
>>82150891
>>82151039
>>82151076
horny jail for you

>>82150742 (OP)
good day huanon i shall hope the day is decent for you as well and everything is grand. i never comprehended the hate for mondays, but i suppose thats what happens when you work sundays too.
>what's something you'd love to do at least once in your life?
i suppose i wish i could go and test run a jetpack. i imagine it would be quite fun as you see them on the internet. unlike the majority here, but i dont deserve love yet so that is not there for now.
What would you do huanon you havent clarified yet?

>>82150742 (OP)
i am miserable,
learning japanese was the second worst decision i made in life, it all feels like a waste. i couldve bedrotted instead and been happier but nooooo, i had to try to learn something when i know im too low iq for it
>what's something you'd love to do at least once in your life?
see the aurora borealis i guess

>>82151258
>the hate for mondays
mostly because it's the start of a new week, which means no more rest until friday night again...
my day has been a bit lonely but overall it's fine.
>test run a jetpack
hm, well that's rather unique. there's water jetpacks in some water parks so you could try those ones, i think they're probably easier to manoeuvre than a real jetpack
>What would you do
uhm i'd just like to do things i like with someone who loves me a lot!
>>82151301
>it all feels like a waste.
why do you think that?
>i couldve bedrotted instead and been happier
hm im not too sure you would've been happier bedrotting all day, i think trying to do something even if you're not good at it is a great thing!
>aurora borealis
i'd love to see it too! so far though. do you live close to any nordic countries? also im trying really hard not to make the same aurora borealis joke again.

>>82150742 (OP)
>how are you feeling today?
Empty. Better than the alternative. Can't progress like this.

>>82151165
well i once wanted to have that pure love wholesome nice happy life with 1 person but god had different plans lol i'm both too retarded and too autistic to ever be close with someone so might as well utilize my height and get some jap pussy, then die alone, since that's how it ends whether or not i get laid hedonistically

>>82150742 (OP)
Hi, anon, hope you're having a good time!
>how are you feeling today?
In pain from amphetamine binge induced constipation. Taking natural laxatives and hoping for the best. It'll sort itself out but is uncomfortable.
>you can get through the week i know it!
Thanks for the kind words and optimism.
>what's something you'd love to do at least once in your life?
Go to Burning-Man in the usa (which will coast about 3300$ or more to make real). We have a local burn here and it's wonderful (went 3 times and had a blast) but I'd like to see the original thing. And go to defcon (also in Navada).

>>82151527
i think feeling empty is nice sometimes. dont be hard on yourself for feeling like this! it's not gonna last forever and once it's gone you can start making progress againon whatever it is you're doing.
>>82151530
well i guess that's fair. i'd tell you to not give up on pure wholesome love but i'm a bit skeptic myself. best of luck to you anon
>>82151612
hello! thank you!
>It'll sort itself out but is uncomfortable.
ow that does seem rather annoying to deal with. hope you feel better soon! i've heard that doing movements like running in place helps with, yknow, that.
>Burning-Man in the usa
i've never heard of that before. what is it?
>defcon
that sounds cool as hell. are you a hacker too anon?

>>82151830
>i think feeling empty is nice sometimes.
I can understand how that might sound nice but you likely misunderstood the degree of which i feel empty, i have lacked intrinsic motivation for the latter 3/4 of my life, with so many ideas it makes the execution of them imfeasible. Still, i appreciate your positivity.

>>82151830
>i've heard that doing movements like running in place helps
It happends once in a while when I over-do amp, and goes away after a few days. Already made some progress today.
>i've never heard of that before. what is it?
It's a hippie festival with a lot of music and art. Basically creating a temporary city (the usa one has a post-office and an air-port, too) with principles revolving around free expression and a gifting economy. We have one here, and it's great to see such happy, kind people doing amazing things. I suggest looking at some vids on yt to get the idea. It has bee deacribed as the greatest party in the world.
>are you a hacker too anon?
I study infosec and cybersec and got a few certifications. I'm still a script-kid+ but wouldn't call myself a fully fledged Hacker; I understand the priciples of security and have hands-on experience with computer security but having trouble researching vulnerabilities and creating exploits from scratch, it's all about practice and trying harder. I still would love to go to defcon even at my skill level; it seams awesome.

>>82150742 (OP)
I really wanna complete my MLP bishoujo figure collection.. most of my pleasure comes from my interests and buying stuff desu

>>82150742 (OP)
Procrastinating writing lab reports by playing shitty old mmos and planning my suicide. Shotgun to head inna woods is top contender at the moment.

>>82152014
>i have lacked intrinsic motivation for the latter 3/4 of my life
i see. i do know how that feels. i dont want to sound condescending, and i know its easier said than done, but all those ideas in your head. try to categorize them from the easiest one to accomplish to the hardest, and start doing them kind of like a bucket list! yes i know i just said something like "oh you're depressed? just dont be!", but when it comes to motivation in my experience that's the only way to actually get things done. if you keep asking yourself "why bother?" like i do, just answer with "why not?" "i got nothing better to do" "what have i got to lose?" or something of that extent, even if it's not logical. you kind of have to delude yourself... but it helps! or, you could put yourself in a situation where you're forced to do whatever you want to do simply because there's no other choice. i really hope you can make all of your ideas true anon! it's hard, it's awful, it's tiresome but we can keep trying!
>>82152243
>and goes away after a few days
okay then! hopefully it'll pass soon
>>82152243
>Basically creating a temporary city
wow that sounds cool as hell! i watched a video from one in 2022 and it seems like a lot of fun. i like the idea of a gifting economy
>with computer security
honestly i've nver really looked much into it myself. i probably know less than the average question so i will ask you a possibly dumb question: is windows defender actually any good? and also, what kind of jobs can you get with your skills?
>>82152276
dont let consooomerism get the better of you anon...
>>82152288
>Procrastinating writing lab reports
what kind? are you a scientist anon?
>Shotgun to head inna woods
well i hope you dont actually go through with that though i must say i've had a similar idea to yours but we dont have firearms here so i might just overdose instead.

>>82152341
>i like the idea of a gifting economy
Yeah, it's cool and really pushes people to be a kinder, more compassionate version of themselves.
>is windows defender actually any good?
I have more experience with linux, but WD is serviceable for what it is. Ofc getting a good anti-virus is safer.
>what kind of jobs can you get with your skills?
My dream is being a penetration-tester but I can get a SOC (Security Operations Center) job (which is more entry level) if I really wanted to. Rn though I am on disability and don't see myself working an office job again anytime soon.

>>82152341
>what kind? are you a scientist anon?
Doing a phd in chemstry, synthesis of natural products, just writing down what I did the last month or so to have my supervisor look it over.
>well i hope you dont actually go through with that
Getting something like a shotgun or hunting rifle isn't that hard here. Handguns or something semi automatic is pretty much impossible though, as a civilian.

>>82151502
>my day has been a bit lonely but overall it's fine.
that's good overall, i'd tell you to try not to be lonely but being a hypocrite is rude.
>uhm i'd just like to do things i like with someone who loves me a lot!
that's really cute and nice, i hope one day you will be able to do that huanon with whoever you love. love really is the most beautiful thing in life isn't it. to feel the true purpose and dedicate each other for life, it is amazing. though i suppose the vast majority of my knowledge on love is from fanfictions so i am not sure how accurate it is to life but still. i truly believe you will find love anon, a good soul in a bog of hate.

>>82152341
>like i do, just answer with "why not?" "i got nothing better to do" "what have i got to lose?"
>i might just overdose instead.
how come you alternate from positive nihilism to suicidal ideation in the same post? which is it that you want to do? keep living? dying? why do you think that performing the worthiness of life to others is more valuable than building real worth in yours?

>>82152538
>pushes people to be a kinder, more compassionate version of themselves
in a dream world... i wonder how long this economy would last in the real world before it falls apart
>a good anti-virus is safer
i always thought most anti viruses were only really useful if you have some valuable info on your pc or for companies. also, couldn't you work on an antivirus too with your knowledge?
>being a penetration-tester
uh, like a job that makes you breach other hardware?
>don't see myself working an office
because you can't or because you just dont want to?
>>82152553
>phd in chemstry
wow, good luck! you guys are the coolest ones in the scientist bunch
>a shotgun or hunting rifle
funny how something even more powerful than handgun is harder to get... but i guess it has to do with how easily one can be concealed
>>82152823
>i'd tell you to try not to be lonely but
heh, it's okay thank you anyways!
>to feel the true purpose and dedicate each other for life
yeah, i think so too. i know there's more to life but nothing for me ever got close to the value of love. i could be a millionaire but the thought of coming home to an empty house everyday or even just being with a person that doesnt actually love me makes me suicidal. thank you for your kind words. i hope we can both find someone special.
>>82152837
>from positive nihilism to suicidal ideation in the same post?
you see, i have a terrible habit of coping by saying i'll just kill myself. i dont actually mean it a lot of the times which makes me feel like a hypocrite.
>which is it that you want to do?
i want to keep living but i feel like i wont be able to even if i want in a few years. so fantasizing about dying gives me some relief.
it's like, things can only get so bad since i can always die anyways.
>the worthiness of life to others
because i hate seeing others feel bad. i dont want anyone to feel the way i feel. i am hoping that by helping i'll manage to convince myself too keep trying too.

>>82152985
so in your own terms you see death as a relief but when others do it you panic because they might actually die and you're not ready to deal with that?

hm

>>82152985
>i wonder how long this economy would last in the real world
Prolly not long; but it works for a week every year in the Navada desert.
>i always thought most anti viruses were only really useful if you have some valuable info on your pc or for companies
Having an AV is always a good idea even for personal use.
>couldn't you work on an antivirus too with your knowledge?
I didn't understand. Like make one? No. Making an AV is a company-wide project requireing broad Threat Intelligence capabilities.
>like a job that makes you breach other hardware?
Pentesters get paid to gauge a company's security often by hacking them (legally) and compile a report of vulnerabilities and risk mitigation methods.
>because you can't or because you just dont want to?
I am living a comfortable life and was an office jockey in the past; it was a soul-sucking experience. So I don't want to. But also have crippling mental illness, so also can't.

>>82151502
>why do you think that?
its useless for me, ill never be fluent enough to make it worth the effort
>hm im not too sure you would've been happier bedrotting all day, i think trying to do something even if you're not good at it is a great thing!
id feel less discouraged by life at least
>i'd love to see it too! so far though. do you live close to any nordic countries? also im trying really hard not to make the same aurora borealis joke again.
im unfortunately far from the north, idk what joke youre referring to but ill assume its a funny one

>>82150742 (OP)
>what's something you'd love to do at least once in your life?
Survive a gunfight

>>82153119
>do it you panic because they might actually die and you're not ready to deal with that?
would you not try to save someone hanging on the edge of a cliff? its how i see it. no one wants to die anon, people get to the point where they can't live anymore and they choose the other option. i dont blame people for killing themselves, if someone has a good reason to choose the void then i'd understand. hell, i'd almost feel happy for them- but i can't ignore someone who's still grasping the ledge, since there's still a 1% chance they might want to keep living. and im very selfish and stubborn, so i cant let it go to waste! perhaps thinking this way makes me a hypocrite but i honestly dont even care. it's just how i am.
>>82153274
>Having an AV is always a good idea even for personal use.
wellll i guess i should get one when i got money to waste since i somehow managed to get 200 different malwares and a bitcoin miner at some point...
>Like make one?
i meant more like working on one in a company
>get paid to gauge a company's security often by hacking them
well that sounds pretty fun. its like being a criminal but legally!
>it was a soul-sucking experience
so i've heard from so many people already. have you worked in one for a very long time?
oh and sorry about your illness. i dont wanna pry, but what is it?
>>82153301
>ill never be fluent enough
i mean... if you give up thats for sure the case. besides what else would you be doing?
>id feel less discouraged by life at least
how? bedrotting just leaves you in an awful feedback loop that makes it insanely harder to do anything.
>im unfortunately far from the north
aw that sucks. hope one day you'll be able to visit!
>joke
aurora borealis? at this time of year? at this time of day, and in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?
>>82153324
>Survive a gunfight
well plenty of wars to fight in anon

>>82153389
>well plenty of wars to fight in anon
Every day I legitimately consider abandoning my life to go fight in a war in some sithole fucking country. Contractors make good money. And I'd be good at it or die trying.

Can't bring myself to leave my son though.

>>82153389
>would you not try to save someone hanging on the edge of a cliff?
it's more like me frequenting the cliff every day, telling others how i'd jump if things got too bad, but then telling those who also want to jump to not do it because no reason is a reason to keep living. it's just nonsensical, that you think you can trick others into living while you yourself think you're too good for illusions just for doing the "right thing". why should they keep living while you reserve your right to die?

I couldn't care less if i lived or died, but i would feel bad if someone i knew died, so by correlation some people would maybe feel bad if i died which would make me feel bad so i have to live to lower suffering for people i actually care for.

>>82152985
>wow, good luck! you guys are the coolest ones in the scientist bunch
Thanks, it is the one thing I am at least not terrible at. Never expected to end up in chem. I was a language major before I realized how much I fucking hate it. Also never planned to stick with it. Just thought I'd get my bacherlors and then leave for Japan of something.
>funny how something even more powerful than handgun ...
Mostly due to the prevalence of hunting here.

>>82153416
then you just gotta make do with shooters i guess. eventually they'll make some vr stuff that is gonna look exactly like real life anyway prolly.
>>82153497
i see your point anon, but i'm not "too good" for the illusions to work i'm just too far gone. i dont want others to get to my state. i believe most other people are not as far gone as i am, so me saying "please dont die" might just be what they need to go on, and get through the bad times. besides, im just a random guy online. if someone is really intent on jumping my words matter not, and i have no power or right to take their choice away. i say the things i say because i want people to really think about it. i want you to think "should i really? have i considered everything? is there nothing else i can do?" and if your answer to all of these questions is still jumping, then go ahead, who am i to tell you to keep suffering.
>>82153585
i also feel this way too, though it is hard to remember at times when things are terrible.
>>82153803
>Never expected to end up in chem
i think it's good you managed to figure out what you wanted to do before it was too late. do you still plan to go to japan?
>Mostly due to the prevalence of hunting here.
hm, i guess that makes sense. have you ever tried hunting? dont think i could ever do it personally.

>>82153389
>i meant more like working on one in a company
I am proficient in pentesting though I was a software developer before. I don't think I could work on one for a company.
>well that sounds pretty fun
It sometime requires physically infiltrating the company's office building and conning emloyees while utilizing cyber attacks in parallel as well. It's a facinating and exciting field to work in.
>its like being a criminal but legally!
Exactly. It funnels would-be black hat hackers into legally using their expertise.
>have you worked in one for a very long time?
I was a Software Development Team Commander in the military for a bit over 3 years with 2-3 nerdy soliders under me at any given time. It wasn't easy. I was there on mandatory service and then got hired as a proffessional solider for a while (which means they paid me actual money) since I did my job well. At the end of my contract, I was clinically depressed, underwight and malnourished; though I had some other responsabilities apart for the dev-team (very little sleeptime, a lot of meetings and various duties). Also, there was also a LOT of office politics that was challanging, but rewarding when things and people fell into place.
>sorry about your illness. i dont wanna pry, but what is it?
I have plain schizophrania.
And you do pry, that's what these threads are all about. But it's fine.

>>82150742 (OP)
>how are you feeling today?
shit desu
thought i was going to talk about something straight forward with someone and be done after 5 minutes but it spiraled into an entire. argument instead. Gained some lost some. Still, i was feeling pretty good before that but now im back at the status quo. Aka "what am i doing, why am i bothering, its not going to get better".
>monday
not any different than any other day for me. Due to unfortunate circumstances outside of my control and me giving a shit about anything for a while or mismanagement if you want to call it that, im jobless for now. Dunno how to change this situation without it ending with me in a clinic or worse. A shame really, i don't think that im useless.
>what's something you'd love to do at least once in your life?
Dunno. Maybe move out and be mostly independent? Don't know if it fits the "*at least* once" part however.

>>82153964
>giving a shit
well NOT i mean

>>82153890
so then which is it?
is life truly unlivable and do most people live off delusions (and should those delusions be perpetrated to keep them living just for the sake of keeping them living)?
or is your reasoning to commit suicide wrong and there are still things you're missing?

>>82150742 (OP)
I returned from work at around 23:00
Also remembered how I wanted to be a girl and still do and got kinda melancholic

>>82153936
>physically infiltrating the company's office building
oh that sounds awesome. like an actual spy! do the employees know you're doing this thing or are they clueless?
>I was a Software Development Team Commander
woa that sounds uhm, rather important. also sounds like an incredibly stressful job though. makes sense you were basically destroyed after that... not your average office job either.
>I have plain schizophrania
ah i see. must be awful to deal with. do you think you developed it after all the stress at that job?
>>82153964
>Aka "what am i doing, why am i bothering, its not going to get better".
ah yeah i get that. uhm, arguments are not always bad. sometimes they're needed to get your feelings through the other person.
>without it ending with me in a clinic or worse
damn how bad is it? what kind of job were you working anon?
>Don't know if it fits the "*at least* once" part however.
i mean i guess it does. i was thinking more about something that you can only do once in life, like seeing a specific thing, doing a specific thing, i dunno. wanting to be independent counts too!
>>82154278
>is life truly unlivable and do most people live off delusions
yes. i dont know if it's better to keep the delusions up. i think ignorance is bliss so maybe yes.
>your reasoning to commit suicide wrong and there are still things you're missing?
there's still things i wanna do before i die so i guess so. if that's what you meant. and also i dont think anyone deserves to feel the pain of a loved one committing suicide
>I returned from work at around 23:00
well that sucks. do you need to get up early too? also melancholy isn't so bad sometimes.

>>82154404
>I returned from work at around 23:00
forgor to link this anon
>>82154310

>>82154404
>get up early too?
Idk, likely at 7, but I'm wasting my sleeptime on internet to it's not gonna help me.

Not really feeling sad it's just this feeling of missed opportunities, of what could have been.. if I was living more authentically without masking n shit

>>82154404
>i think ignorance is bliss
yet your own ignorance seems to be bringing you ruin

>>82154486
>Idk, likely at 7
finishing work at 23 and having to go back at 7 is honestly diabolical
>this feeling of missed opportunities
yeah i guess i can relate in a way. wasted away all my teens. thinking about "what ifs" just never ends well so, i guess all you can do is repeat "it is what it is" over and over...
>if I was living more authentically without masking
life is a costume party and attending with your real face is dangerous, but in my opinion it's the only way to actually achieve happiness.
>>82154527
my ignorance in what exactly? i've been so disillusioned with everything because i know too much.

>>82154404
>sometimes they're needed to get your feelings through the other person.
I don't feel like i changed the way they are thinking. I think that they don't like some of their retarded behavior be targeted like that and that they are just reducing attack surfaces now rather than genuinely coming to a new way of thinking. I got what i wanted but not in the way i wanted basically. Really bitter sweet if not just a bad outcome in general.
>damn how bad is it?
I mean psychologically. Was a little unclear i think, i don't mean manual labor like that. Im not stupid, i know that, but interacting with normalfags, especially the hostile and soulless kind, really does drive me to suicide. I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary recently and most would rate my experiences with others as 'an odd person' i think but nothing extreme, it got better on that front in the past years actually. But i got so tired and became so self-aware i looked twice when crossing a bridge. Im afraid of high places now too. Not because they are high(used to love that actually) but because im afraid of what i might do. Same goes for cars too now. Im scared of myself. Im not only a danger to myself but also to others when pushed like this.
I was almost put in stationary care at an psychiatric clinic but i guess that my self-awareness made me dodge that bullet.
I can't get the kind of jobs i would excel and be mentally fine with right now so the only other jobs i could do are slavery tier ones like working at fast food chains. I unironically cannot take it. Its the same conditions that pushed me into this pit. Im scared of interacting with others because of ridicule and also comes the fear of said symptoms worsening.
[cont.]

>>82154667
most civs don't know how their body works, surgeons mend them and save their lives, but students spill their blood. you know enough to suffer, but not enough to turn it into something yet. you still have a long way to go. don't envy the civs, envy the surgeons.

>>82154818
>what kind of job were you working anon?
I never had an proper one before. I got my degree which was supposed to open doors to almost every career in the world but all i have now is many wasted and very stressful years behind me and a piece of paper that is worthless in this oversaturated system. I don't feel bad about not preforming however. I tried, and still am but the machine does not want me to be a cog in it i guess. A good thing in itself but but there are so many indirect consequences to it that still sour it.
>i was thinking more about something that you can only do once in life
I have no such things. I mainly want to be left alone and be able to focus on some hobbies i think. I really don't need much to be happy but i get things i don't want or need forced onto me instead.

Still remember the bliss that was being forced to sit in the old principals office when i was at school. It was so quiet that nothing could compare. Very random thing i know but there is something about being left alone in an almost gothic style building with old furniture. The atmosphere and the ignorance i had back then were such a godsend actually. But now im many years behind on so many things..

I know that this is a lot of text and much of it is not really relevant but things just flow so well today. I never had to split a post into two before.
Thanks for these threads, anon. They make my day whenever i see them.

>>82151165
>am i talking with garfield by any chance?
i have been compared to him in multiple occasions, people tend to say there's a striking resemblance in behavior

>go have a nice day!
i failed, kek
day was fairly stressful but at least things are going at work, i'm not stumped anymore

>you didn't mention hand holding
but did i say our hands were *not* holding each other's?
she can hug me with one arm and i can caress her back with one arm as well
makes one think, huh?

>>82154667
I'm doing military service, it used to be way worse.

After wearing those costumes too much u end up not knowing what that real face is.

>>82154404
>do the employees know you're doing this thing
Most of the time they are alerted that a pentest will happen in the next
>woa that sounds uhm, rather important
I capitalized the title since I am proud of it; and me surviving it. It's important to me. It was a key position in the base I was in (if you understand, the chain of command between me and the Base Commander (the very top) was rather short. So no one could pull rank on me or tell me what to do) and required a lot of people work (paradoxcially for a nerdy dev job).
>sounds like an incredibly stressful job though
Not to get into detail, but it was a 24/7 operation (not including other duties).
>must be awful to deal with
It's not easy, I don't want to complain. I deal. Got meds (and some of them are fun) and a liberal psychiatrist.
>do you think you developed it after all the stress at that job?
It contributed, I developed it after shutting-in for a few years. Or maybe it was all of the acid, but I don't think so. I can still do acid today without going into psychosis (weed gives me psychosis though).

get married sighs

>>82153890
>do you still plan to go to japan?
Not sure, half the time I want to just quit and move there and work as an English teacher or something like that. Only reason I don't is sunk cost fallacy concerning my degree.
have you ever tried hunting?
Nah,I like cooking and eating venison but don't really want to shoot things, other than myself. I used to go fishing with my dad and grand dad though.

>>82154818
>Really bitter sweet
hm, i see. i guess its fine as long as you guys don't hold any grudges.
>but interacting with normalfags, especially the hostile and soulless kind
ah, yeah i know how that feels. sadly the world is filled with people like that everyone and we just gotta deal with it... i hope you can get out of this pit you've been pushed in. maybe you're not this way but, do your best to be kind to your own self. you've clearly been through a lot of hardships already and there's no need to make everything harder. when it comes to intrusive thoughts... i get those quite often too whenever i go by my day. especially when picking up sharp objects. but let's try to hold on to the few good ones.
>A good thing in itself
honestly, the current state of the job market is just fucking depressing. really makes me wonder why i even bother getting a degree if im just gonna end up working some slavery job. i wish we could just all live in a small mountain village together and just tend to the cows or whatever. but it is what it is. we can only hope things will change in the future.
>I mainly want to be left alone and be able to focus on some hobbies i think
i mean thats fair. i dont think everyone needs to have some grandiose dream or objective to be happy. what kind of hobbies would you like to indulge in?
>being left alone in an almost gothic style building
that does sound very cool! very vampirish heh. it's memories like these that keep us going anon so try to keep that feeling in mind!
and, i'm glad my threads help you. thanks for taking some time to talk with me!
>>82154833
hm, i really like the way you write anon.
>>82154839
>have been compared to him
would you get an orange cat?
>i failed
aw it's okay. can't have good days without bad days anyway.
>makes one think, huh?
makes one long for it more like.
>>82154865
yeah, i know. it's scary. i've almost lost mine. so you need to do everything to keep yours afloat too anon! don't let it get buried!

>>82155144
strange thing to pivot towards, why?

>>82154941
>Most of the time they are alerted
aw that takes all of the stealth fun away...
>I capitalized the title since I am proud of it; and me surviving it
i mean it's nothing to scoff at for sure. what kind of jobs would they make you do? develop new military softwares n such? also did you get to order around people?
>but it was a 24/7 operation
oh man that sounds like hell then. so no breaks at all? not even vacation days?
>a liberal psychiatrist.
must be fun to talk with. also what do acids do to you? i never really understood what they are
>>82155033
if you make my wife appear at my doorstep sure!
>>82155035
>and work as an English teacher or something like that
i mean to me it seems like a rather comfy way to live. though you probably know better. i guess you can always keep it as a fallback if nothing else works.
>I used to go fishing with my dad and grand dad though
that sounds fun! i wish i had someone to go fishing with. though im a bit scared of boats so i'd just stay on the shore. i also find the fishing quotes very funny aswell. do you still fish now from time to time?
>>82155225
why i pivoted? cause i honestly didnt know what else to say about the subject at hand
why i like your writing?
because by using metaphors and figures of speech you still manage to get your point through wonderfully or make the meaning of a phrase understandable, and i think that's pretty awesome. if that makes sense.

>>82155271
i can't say that i can lowered my guard from any second intentions, but i'll appreciate the compliment regardless. thank you too for being so diligent on these threads, and for always being so open. you're also... pretty awesome.

>>82155144
>but let's try to hold on to the few good ones.
Its better now actually. Nothing ever actually happened but damn it was close to the edge sometimes.
Used to break down when boiling water but not anymore. So we are moving upwards a little :D
> i wish we could just all live in a small mountain village together and just tend to the cows or whatever.
At first everybody killed the small life but now everybody wants it back and treats it like an luxury instead of what should be normalcy. So depressing.
>what kind of hobbies would you like to indulge in?
Mostly STEM stuff but i also want to do some creative things. I don't have a really specific focus on what i do. Thinking about DIYing some flight sticks in the future. Don't have the strength to pull through to the end with most things however so im not starting them now.
These very same interests are what everybody told me were supposed to bring me fortune and a good life. Ha. Now the nerd is getting excluded again instead.
>really makes me wonder why i even bother getting a degree
Do not neglect applying for positions while you are still in education. Especially if you are already late in life. I had other thoughts but this inaction for sure did not make things easier for me now.
A degree won't do anything if you can't take its momentum into your career i think. I mean i have mine now but its not doing me any good.
Maybe a break after you are exhausted isn't bad however.
But getting exhausted over such things is not a very good sign also..
>it's memories like these that keep us going anon
It was supposed to be a punishment actually. Back in grade school the teachers didn't want to deal with me so they punished me sometimes. I was supposed to copy some bullshit text i think but never did, so they prolonged my stay to almost cover the entire day. The same people that could have prevented so many bad things (as part of their job btw). Who do people who hate children even get jobs like these?

>>82155144
>would you get an orange cat?
fred was an orange tabby who used to visit us back before i moved
guy was the first cat that didn't outright bite or scratch me when i approached, so i'd say yes

>can't have good days without bad days anyway.
true, though today was just tiresome, not exactly bad
maybe tomorrow will be a good day though

>makes one long for it more like.
indeed, that's why i keep those sick fantasies of mine locked away in my head
they're very detailed and vivid but i have no one to live them with

>>82155271
>aw that takes all of the stealth fun away
Nah there's still stealth.
>what kind of jobs would they make you do? develop new military softwares n such?
I was a software developer. Had a lot of odd duties tho like babysitting rookies (entitled little squirts) or visit graves to console grieving families (a lot of crying grandmas) attending meetings way above my pay-grade (youngest and only non-officer in a room full of seasoned officers. Needed to be ready with paperwork for those) and so on.
>did you get to order around people?
I has 2-3 subordinates. Also had subordinates on duties (say, some people get guard duty, they report to me). But I never liked to pull rank (unless I had to). Be nice to me, I'll be nice to you; no matter what's on your arm/shoulder.
>so no breaks at all? not even vacation days?
There were 3-4 of us in the team. We covered for eachother and my soliders got a day or two off every week and got to go home when they needed to. I stayed at base though and rejected my off days in favor of more duties. The base was my world; my work: my baby. People sew and acknowledged it and I gained more trust from above that way. I had some free time while on base tho and got in a few social groups; had friends and found a gf.
At night I'd make a pot of tea and go office to office offering tea to people who worked overnight; got a lot of nice tea convos from that and it helped with office politics. Some called me "the tea man".
>what do acids do
It's a hallucinogen.

>>82150742 (OP)
Kinda down since one of my cats suddenly passed away. We only have one left the sister. I feel bad for the brother since he was right there friday night...How he died? he got smacked by a car either late friday night through early asf saturday morning.