Thread 82305869

hi anon, how are you feeling? you can tell me what worries you if you want. are you drinking enough? water that is. also, you look really good today!

>>82305869 (OP)
i have not slept in 32 hours and i broke down crying earlier because i am an incompetent mess who cannot help anyone including myself. im going to get drunk and take a ton of benedryl in a bath tub snd hope that gets me to sleep

>>82305869 (OP)
Are you the same or different from the anon who posted a near-identical thread earlier

>>82305869 (OP)
good day huanon. i hope you are doing better than you were a bit ago. i have drunk too much water as my piss is completely see through. not a bad thing though really. not really worried for once just waiting for something to happen. Good day and good luck.

>>82305869 (OP)
>are you drinking enough?
FUCK NO ASSHOLE I'M BROKE AS SHIT I CAN'T AFFORD WHISKEY OTHER THAN CHEAP JIM BEAM AND FLASKS OF BRANDY

>>82305869 (OP)
I'm mentally exhausted, and physically. I have been having mild autism twitches and cracks every day. My brain is extremely itchy. I wake up at 4AM to run 5km, work all day, then come home and skip rope for 30 minutes just to feel tired by bedtime, but then I can't sleep. I'm too tired to be horny and I am losing my ability to feel desire about almost everything. I really do not understand why people want things, all joy is ephemeral and to live is to suffer. Pretty much all I eat is chicken and vegetables to keep myself alive, and I really want to drink alcohol, but I am slowly losing that desire as well. It's a bit sad.

>>82305869 (OP)
>how are you feeling
Hopeful, which is a nice change of pace. Passed my PAT for the local police department, putting together my paperwork for the interview. Kind of a "Hurry up and wait" deal but I'm just glad to have some progress made.

I'm off work early today so I'm gonna try to mow my lawn and change my oil.

>you look really good today!
Don't lie to me, I look like a caveman, like always.

Good to see you though Hu-Tao anon. How is your world?

>>82305918
What up Saiyan anon. Protip: Save up for a big bottle of 101 Wild Turkey. Slightly more expensive but it has over 25% more alcohol by volume than Jim Beam. And it tastes better

>>82305869 (OP)
Lonely. I want a gf. Everything I'm doing in life feels pointless without something to build towards. I want to have a family, I'm getting too old, and it doesn't look possible anymore.

>>82305879
dont be so hard on yourself anon. you clearly already have enough stuff going on, try to be a bit more understanding, and don't make everything harder by hating yourself more. also be careful with alcohol and drugs, and if you're going to do all that at least do it in bed or you're gonna wake up hurting even more. i hope things get better for you.
>>82305887
i've made this kind of threads before but i haven't made a thread in a few days so probably not the anon you're thinking of
>>82305916
hello anon. there is no such thing as too much water, and it's actually a good thing if it's see through because it means youre healthy! hopefully something good happens to the both of us soon.
>>82305918
...but i said water
>>82305925
>I wake up at 4AM to run 5km, work all day, then come home and skip rope for 30 minutes
that's a lot of work anon, be careful to not faint from exhaustion. have you tried sleeping pills? they might help.
>losing my ability to feel desire
me too anon, me too
>do not understand why people want things
most people aren't like us anon, they don't think about things like these let alone worry about them. blessed by ignorance they are. we need to try and treasure the short moments of joy we find in life. let's do our best!
>chicken and vegetables
thats healthy! do you cook for yourself? what's your favourite dish? also, losing the will to drink alcohol is probably not a bad thing really.
>>82305935
>Hopeful
that's great!! fantastic job on passing. no matter if it's small progress is still progress. good luck with the interview! and have a nice day at work today.
>I look like a caveman
and who said cavemen can't look good hmm?
>How is your world?
crumbling!
>>82305954
>Everything I'm doing in life feels pointless without something to build towards
same anon. it feels pointless to have anything if i dont have anyone to share it with. still, despite the horrible odds we need to keep trying. there's nothing else worth doing anyway.

>>82305939
NEVER HAD THAT BEFORE, I USUALLY DRINK FOR A BUZZ RATHER THAN TASTE, BUT I DO ENJOY JAGER AND CERTAIN BRANDIES SO MAYBE UR RIGHT AND I SHOULD EXPAND MY HORIZONS IF IT'S WORTH IT, IT KIND OF SUCKS DRINKING SHIT THAT TASTES LIKE PAINT THINNER
>>82305962
I DON'T NEED TO DRINK ENOUGH WATER I NEED ENOUGH ALCOHOL

>>82305962
>thats healthy! do you cook for yourself? what's your favourite dish? also, losing the will to drink alcohol is probably not a bad thing really.
I cook well, and often, but lately it has just been pan cooked broccoli and chicken thigh since I don't have much desire to eat anything fancy. As for the booze, losing my will to drink it is bad for me because it is one of the few things that resets and relaxes my brain.

>>82305869 (OP)
I am feeling. I'm worried the soles of my boots will not dry before I start work. I drink at least 70 fl oz of water a day, usually more. Haha you jest but thank you.

>>82305869 (OP)
I looked at a photo of me then. I was happy. I was pretty. I was hopeful.

I look in the mirror now. I am sad. I am stressed. I am anxious. I am upset. I am mentally distressed. I am tired. I am physically unhealthy. I look ugly. I look fat.

What happened that turned me into what I am now. The people that are physically around me, the place I am and choices I have made home make me look like this, I'll have made me visually worse. When I look at myself I feel that.

How do I escape when I'm constantly surrounded. Being in a room with you is radiation sickness I understand why I've become this way.

I don't want to hear your stupid voice and being next to you makes me feel sick.

>>82305869 (OP)
I'm feeling great. The datura is finally wearing off after 3 days. I like the rain, too, so it's relaxing.

>>82305962
>good luck with the interview! and have a nice day at work today.
Thanks anon, I appreciate you.

>who said cavemen can't look good
Well most of the people I meet. I'm kinda hairy and ugly. Not the worst, but I'm like a solid 4/10

>crumbling
Bad circumstances, broad mental health issues, or both? You feel like talking about it?

>>82305980
>IT KIND OF SUCKS DRINKING SHIT THAT TASTES LIKE PAINT THINNER
Brother when I was in the service I used to drink "Military Special." Bottom shelf whiskey that actually smelled and tasted like paint thinner. Shit was awful, but it was like $15 - $20 a bottle.

Wild Turkey is good though. Even if you're just going for the buzz, like I said it has a better ABV than most shit out there.

Also, yes you do need to drink water, faggot. Hydrate or die. You will never beat fuckin... Freeza? (Forgive me I know precious little of Dragonball) if you don't drink enough water.

>>82305869 (OP)
Thank you hutao anon I wish you were real so I could run my hands through your hair and muzzle you shoulder

>>82305980
alcohol ain't gonna fix your problems anon it's only going to make you feel even worse.
(i say as i drank a beer yesterday)
>>82305988
>I cook well, and often
that's nice i think! do you enjoy cooking? despite people hating on them i think broccoli can be nice. especially if you dress them with some kind of sauce, which in your case could go well on the chicken too
>because it is one of the few things that resets and relaxes my brain
yeah i understand. it's just that maybe saying to yourself "after all it just hurts me more" could be a good cope. it's what i do. i guess maybe it's time to look for something else. is there any activity you do that lets you take your mind off things?
>>82305990
>I am feeling
is that a good thing or a bad thing?
>I'm worried the soles of my boots will not dry
you could dry them with a hair dryer if you have it! and good job with the water. it is really important after all.
>>82305995
>I look in the mirror now
despite everything, it's still you. your happiness and hope aren't gone anon, they've been buried deep within you but all the worries and bad thoughts. but they're still there! they're waiting for you to get better so that they come out again. don't let the radiation get the best of you anon. keep going!
>>82306006
that's nice!
>datura
what's that? rain is lovely, i agree. i really like the smell personally.
>>82306040
>Well most of the people I meet
but you shouldn't care about the opinion of other people anyways anon. it doesn't matter! as long as you're happy with yourself. besides people always underestimate their good looking-ness.
>You feel like talking about it?
i want to forget my own existence!
>>82306079
uhm, you're welcome?

>>82306106
>shouldn't care about the opinion of other people anyways anon
I don't, generally. But appearance is one of those things that is almost exclusively validated externally. Appearance is, at its core, how you are perceived by the people around you.

Don't matter much though. I can kick the asses of most of the people that call me ugly.

>want to forget my own existence!
Me too. Most of the time. Not so much right now.

Legitimately though, if you have something going on I don't mind talking it out with you.

>>82306106
I'm tired of mentally grabbing all of my shit to leave. I'm tired of everything here and I'm just done with it. However I time it I'm just going to do it all in one movement, grab all my shit leave the ring on the exit counter with note that simply says LIAR. NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN.

Block him on all social. Block his cell. Drive to my parents.

It is my adult birthday. I am low caste so no money I think but had a sex wish. I awoke in a terrible mood of dying sobriety blues so I smoked pot, tobacco and had coffee. I will drink later. I have been sick for a week and have cognitive decline and worry about addiction to benzos. I have an affinity for booze and sex and SSRI prozac mostly to great detriment I feel. Sober sucks drunk dicks your life type shit. Thanks for listening.

>>82306040
THAT SOUNDS REALLY SHIT BUT 15 DOLLARS A BOTTLE IS 15 DOLLARS A BOTTLE
ALSO NO I DON'T NEED TO HYDRATE CUZ IM A BAD MOTHERFUCKER
>>82306106
IT DOESNT FIX PROBLEMS BUT IT DOES FEEL REALLY NICE

>>82306258
>REALLY SHIT BUT 15 DOLLARS A BOTTLE IS 15 DOLLARS A BOTTLE
That is 100% the reason I used drink it.

Listen, most alcohol is more water than alcohol. If you drink water, you can think of it like drinking alcohol, but without the alcohol, so you can get drunk off of being sober.

>>82306310
FUUUUUCK YUO HAVE A POINT,,

>>82306318
I have ascended beyond human comprehension.

I HAVE BECOME Retarded

>>82306124
>how you are perceived by the people around you
i know anon, it's sad. really, i wish things weren't like that. so many wonderful people get misjudged and left alone by others just because they're not as good-looking as someone else. i hate the world for being this way.
>I can kick the asses of most of the people that call me ugly
violence is not the answer anon!
it's the question, and the answer is yes.
>Me too. Most of the time
i think alcohol and such is really good at doing that honestly. whenever i drink and i play a game/talk with funny friends i manage to forget that i even exist. it's like i turn into a different person, a happy one maybe.
>If you have something going on I don't mind talking it out with you.
thank you anon, i really appreciate your concern. but i don't make these threads to talk about myself, i make them because i want to talk about other anons problems! and besides, there's nothing you can say that will make me feel better anyways. but thanks for the offer.
>>82306136
if you think that's what you should do, and you've already tried everything else, then do it anon. nothing in this world is world losing your mind over. however, disappearing completely without any explanation is not something you should do i think.
>>82306211
happy adult birthday anon. don't smoke too much, it's gonna kill you. unless thats what you want, i guess. get better soon and dont do anything crazy, hm?
>>82306258
>IT DOES FEEL REALLY NICE
you have a point anon i concede
but if you drink too much ti stops feeling nice because you build a tolerance yknow? and also, you can't say that a nice cold glass of water doesn't feel nice on a hot day.

>>82305869 (OP)
I'm feeling quite scatterbrained, not much sleep from my part, not much water drank, I don't look good whatsoever, and I feel disappointed with myself and the state of affairs present in my last 3 days, been spending recent times washing myself out or whatever, thanks for asking questions OP, misery loves company

>>82306360
>hate the world for being this way.
It is what it is. Change what you can, work with what you can't. But without ugliness, what would be the worth of beauty, eh?

>the answer is yes.
My man!

>alcohol and such is really good at doing that
That's why I used to be an alcoholic. Wasn't healthy for me though. Started trying to work on being okay with existence when I was sober, and put down the bottle for a while. I think I've made some strides.

>don't make these threads to talk about myself
Well I feel it's hardly fair to let you take my problems without offering something in return.

>nothing you can say that will make me feel better anyways
I suppose I can't force your hand. But the offer is here. I tend to stop by often so if not today I'll probably be here next time.

Regardless, I will pray for you

>>82306106
It is a bad thing. I do not own a hair dryer and I am already at work but they are mostly dried. Wet again due to the rain. It is what it is.

>>82306381
>not much sleep from my part
is something keeping you up or you just can't sleep?
>and the state of affairs present in my last 3 days
what happened anon? it's okay if you'd rather not talk about it. also, drinking water helps with a lot of things, including improving your mood!
>>82306490
>what would be the worth of beauty, eh?
none, which would be the ideal world... where everything is looked at the same. maybe. we shouldn't hate the ugly for being ugly but rather fix what made it ugly in the first place.
>My man!
still, you should resort to it only when there's no other choice!
>I think I've made some strides.
good work, it's not easy to resist addictions! i think it's even harder to make peace with your own self. dunno if i'll ever be able to do it.
>I'll probably be here next time.
i'm counting on you! thanks for the prayers.
>>82306536
>It is a bad thing
hmmm, i can relate. would you rather feel nothing at all? i know i would.
>Wet again due to the rain
well at least they got cleaned a bit mayhaps!

>>82306797
I would prefer to feel nothing or be immersed in something so how I feel is not on my mind. It can be hard to start but once immersed in a book or a video game or an audio my feelings do not exist. My boots, jeans, and hat do at least look cleaner.

>>82306797
>the ideal world
I like my contrasts. I don't think I'd enjoy the warmth of my bed without knowing the bitter cold. Wouldn't understand rest without exertion.

>fix what made it ugly in the first place.
Indeed, and this is our charge. Our place in creation is to bring more beauty to this world, in whatever way we can.

>only when there's no other choice!
I've always found this to be an exaggeration. I think violence has a lot of applications, and there are plenty of situations that necessitate it for the best outcome. I do believe it is almost never a "first resort," but I'm not exactly gonna try to negotiate with some dude assaulting a woman in an alley, you know?

>dunno if i'll ever be able to do it.
I know I'm not there yet. But we celebrate our victories, and build toward something better. Those who seek tend to find.

>counting on you!
Oof, now I'm obligated.

Send help

>>82306797
>what happened anon?
I expected to encounter some clarity around these days, that's what I expected but I couldn't find shit and that leaved me disappointed and, if anything i'm more lost now, but atleast i'm sleepy now

i wonder where that anon that liked depressing animes went. i've got such a good recommendation for them...
which also makes me wonder how many people lurk my threads. i don't bite yknow.

>>82306898
>be immersed in something so how I feel is not on my mind
yeah same, constant distractions are the only thing keeping me somewhat sane i think. what games do you like to play?
>audio
like podcasts or music too? i always have music going. i'd go crazy without.
>do at least look cleaner.
now you dont even have to wash em! thats a joke, do wash them eventually.
>>82306925
>without knowing the bitter cold
you have a point, i think people that never experienced the worst of something can never truly appreciate the best of something else.
>Our place in creation is to bring more beauty to this world
are we really up to the task anon? so far we've brought more horrors than anything else.
>some dude assaulting a woman in an alley, you know?
but what you've just said is an example of an extreme situation, where you'd have to resort to something equally extreme. now say, what if this person isn't actually assaulting anyone, but they're just bothering them? would you still resort to violence? i agree that violence can be an useful tool, but the side effects of it are rarely worth the reward.
>Oof, now I'm obligated.
heh, now you've learned to be more careful when saying stuff like that. it's okay, you dont actually have to reply to my threads if you dont feel like it sometimes.
>>82307080
some clarity, you mean with someone else? i do get the feeling if it's that... i hope you have a nice nap or night if you're going to bed then anone. perhaps tomorrow things will make more sense.

>>82305869 (OP)
>hi anon, how are you feeling
Anxious, listless and a tiny bit hopeful
>are you drinking enough
Too much diet soda and not enough water
>you look really good today
Your making me blush,,

>>82307323
>we've brought more horrors than anything else.
It's easy to focus on the bad, without remembering the good. We bring art, music, and philosophy as much as war or rape or any other horror. The machinations of man should be viewed as their whole, without despair.

>what if this person isn't actually assaulting anyone, but they're just bothering them?
To play devil's advocate; what if he is making lewd remarks to a child? Sure we can ignore him and walk past him, but I would argue that for the sake of polite society the better move would be to feed the cunt his own teeth.

>dont actually have to reply to my threads if you dont feel like it sometimes.
Usually I do when I see them. You're a chill guy to talk to and I appreciate anyone that's trying to make other people's day better.

>>82307323
Music helps but I find it sort of becomes white noise after a while and no longer distracts me. When I say audio I mainly mean audios from soundgasm so audio porn.
I likd all sorts of video games but my favorite are strategy games. I played a lot of Total War a few years ago and it was great. An entire day could pass me by easily. I played Master Duel a lot as well. Tf2 sometimes, DRG sometimes. Black Souls 1 so I could play Black Souls 2 for Alice. Pathfinder Kingmaker a bit. I just like video games. My laptop doesn't work very well these days and I have other priorities over a PC so unfortunately I am stuck with what I have on Piss5.
Only game I've booted up on that is Dead by Daylight but I've barely play an hour or two a week. I've been stuck in a bit of rut for some time now, not indulging in hobbies. Just drugs, cooming, and /r9k/.

I'm on the verge. It's dangerous, every day is a challenge. It's unlikely it will work out and I don't like being this way, but I can't help it... I would love a life with her...

>>82307382
>tiny bit hopeful
hm thats nice! what are you hopeful for?
>soda
soda can be really bad so be careful not too drink too much. always drink at least one bottle of water everyday. what's your favourite soda anyways?
>Your making me blush,,
heheh you deserve it!
>>82307387
>We bring art, music, and philosophy
i mean you're right it's just, that the bad seems so much more than the good. overwhelmingly more. im not saying this planet would be perfect even without humans but, i think it would be better overall.
>what if he is making lewd remarks to a child?
that... would really bring me to my limits, and, i want to kick the head in of a pedophile as much as the next guy anon, but what's me going to beat that guy almost to death gonna do? he's not gonna stop being the disgusting person he is anyways, actually, they might just get even worse. we'd have to put the man in jail so calling the police would be better. (though that rarely works i know)
im not sure if in the moment i'd think rationally like im doing now so i dunno. if they do mention having done something to kids however and i happen to hear it there is nothing stopping me from breaking their legs though.
>Usually I do when I see them
im happy that you do! i try to make the board a slightly better place. everyone has to do their part
>>82307457
>becomes white noise after a while and no longer distracts me
that happens to me whenever im hyperfocused on something. i dont even notice im listening to music until i stop doing whatever im doing.
>When I say audio I mainly mean
...not exactly what i was thinking of i see
>Master Duel
i used to love playing yugi but now it's filled with so many bullshit cards and stuff it's not even fun anymore. i like tf2 and drg too though i barely play any games anymore... also dont do too many drugs anon. hopefully you can get a pc soon and escape console hell
>>82307692
what's keeping you on edge? what are you trying to do?
>every day is a challenge
man i know...

>>82307872
>what are you hopeful for
Nothing too specific. I just don't feel stuck in the past anymore
>what's your favourite soda anyways
Used to be coke but sprite zero is really good

>>82305869 (OP)
I've been holding it back for like 3 weeks now so I think I'll cry after work today to get the tears out of me. I hope you're feeling better than you did a few days ago when you made your last thread.

>>82306360
>but if you drink too much ti stops feeling nice
I'LL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN I COME TO IT BUT FOR NOW I'M ON THIS SHITTY VACATION WITH NO GYM AND ZERO ALCOHOL
*UNLEASHES BUILT UP POWER ON HUTAO'S ASS*

I feel lost in more ways than one. I thought 4chan might shed some light on some things, but... since is first time here... you can imagine what... what I am seeing.

>>82307951
>I just don't feel stuck in the past anymore
thats great anon. let's hope this feeling lasts!
>Used to be coke but sprite zero is really good
do you guys have fanta there? it's my favourite one. though i dont remember the last time i drank it. do you drink energy drinks too?
>>82308240
crying only does good for you anon, don't hold it back. you can cry. i wish i could cry more often too. but nothing ever comes out. thanks for worrying about me, though i feel just as bad if not worse. god knows yesterday was really hard.
>>82308377
yeah this place isn't really the best... sadly. do you know what you're looking for anon? what's making you feel lost?

Staring thru the stained glass window again. Feeling the warm breeze come in thru the cracks. Lost in ponderous whimsical thoughts about the meaning behind life.

I want to die, I been a neet without neetbux ever since I finished school and still to this day I can't get a job even if my life depends on it

>what worries you
Long story short im worried about the effects extended social isolation is having on me, and on the wider population as well. I think the best way to look at it is, where love doesnt grow hatred takes its place. It really is that simple. There are two alternatives in general, you can remain motionless, stagnate (really hard to in practice) or you can go down a spirituality or schizo path that can be either full of love or hate but both kinda pointless since its all a substitute for proper human interaction. Now you could say "stop being a bitch and go make friends anons" nuh uh, it aint that simple chief. If people could just go do that, we wouldnt have billion dollar industries thriving from peoples loneliness. No matter what some say, life is a zero sum game. Love and friends are part of the equation and mostly everyone reading this is on the losing side of it.

>are you drinking enough? water that is
I am, thank you for asking. Are (You) drinking enough tea? Tea is love tea is life also holy fucking shit for anynyan struggling n shieeet, you guys really need to give raw cacao nibs a chance, the bitter 100% natural kind, full of anandamide

also this >>82308240 hope youre feeling better OP. Nothing beats napping for the bad feelings

I don't know how to tag you. but thank you: you seem the nicest... persons and thread I have seen... with no comparison, even - aside someone wishing all a good day. I hoped for some clarity, but... I guess all answers worth understanding are not easy. From another point of view... I guess I have spent the first half of my day learning and freaking out about road barely stepped on... from another road intended and tiny walked on blindly... from another road walked of being the right one even if knowing it won't make any real difference... and the other half of my day I kind of spent it making laps around wondering how crazy am I. But... hey, it could be a lot worse! What keeps you going being the way you are and like... changing by learning, but choosing your own terms for that? :)

>>82308393
>don't hold it back. you can cry. i wish i could cry more often too.
The feeling of wanting to cry always appears whenever I'm at work or in public or something so I can't really give in to it during those times. The last thing I want to happen while crying is someone else asking me questions during it.
>i feel just as bad if not worse. god knows yesterday was really hard.
Sorry to hear that bro. I can't really tell you that tomorrow will be better but I hope things get better for you. I really like these threads.

>>82308393
>let's hope this feeling lasts!
I go back and forth. But I'll never be as bad as I used to be
>do you guys have fanta there
We do! They're good from what I remember but idk if I've even had fanta zero
>do you drink energy drinks too
Haven't in yearss

>>82308402
>Lost in ponderous whimsical thoughts
hmm, might share some? i dont ever manage to think anything whimsical when i ponder about the reason we exist
>>82308489
keep trying anon, think of your cats! dont give up!
>>82308510
>where love doesnt grow hatred takes its place
i agree! and it worries me greatly too. everyone is so isolated nowdays. no one remembers how love is supposed to be, no one even cares. it's easy to hate things when you dont even know how real hate feels like, and when i take a look around now, see nothing but hate everywhere.
>kinda pointless since its all a substitute for proper human interaction
how would love be a substitute for interaction, when it requires it to exist? unless you mean a more broad definition of love, like love of the world and such.
>billion dollar industries thriving from peoples loneliness
i know right??? it's disgusting. it's even harder to get out of your shell when the world doesn't want you to. when everything is made so that you stay quiet and "happy" alone and keep providing money to the industry. do your little cog job and cope until you die, alone. and the worst part is, no one seems to care. no one even considers what's happening right now a problem, it's "just how life is". it makes my blood boil. life is only this way because people give up their happiness in order to have a comfortable existence, which most of the time doesnt even make you happy or fulfilled.
i wish things could change, really.
what are you doing, anon? are you trying to not get consumed by the hate and machines cursing this existence? are you trying to find love to fill the void?
>enough tea?
truth be told anon, i dont really like tea... i basically only drink water or juice. what's your favourite tea?

[reading and thinking of things] At times... I'd guess that looking for ghosts where expected total darkness and just to find a flicker of them... probably feels easier than imagining self able of even a sparkle. :)

>>82308542
>how to tag you
just click on the string of numbers next to date and hour! or you can just copy it and paste it instead with a (>>) before it.
>all answers worth understanding are not easy
hm, that is very true indeed. but let me ask, why would you come here of all places to look for answers?
>another road walked of being the right one even if knowing it won't make any real difference...
hmm, why do you think it makes no difference? this is all a bit too cryptic for me...
>What keeps you going being the way you are
uhm, im not really sure. for personally i just try to stay as true to myself as i can be. to be as honest as possible.
>>82308661
>whenever I'm at work or in public or something
hm, i understand. i don't like how crying is seen by society. i wish people could be more honest about their feelings all the time and stop making facades. whenever i cry i mostly wish there was someone there telling me everything is going to be okay.
>I hope things get better for you
thank you for the kind words anon, i'm glad you enjoy my threads! i wish i could be a bit more cheerful sometimes.
>>82308692
>I go back and forth
the so called "its over" and "we are so back" pendolum huh?
>idk if I've even had fanta zero
do you guys have like those weird flavours too? i've seen a peach fanta, strawberry, all that. what's the weirdest soda flavour you've seen?
>Haven't in yearss
good! they're really bad for you.

>>82308722
>the so called "its over" and "we are so back" pendolum huh
It's more like the "too miserable to sleep or eat" to "listless and empty" pendulum
>what's the weirdest soda flavour you've seen
Fanta "exotic". I never drink non-diet soda anyways

>>82308721
hi anon, i'm fine thankyou.

>>82305869 (OP)
>hi anon, how are you feeling?
Hi anon.
Feeling alright. My night and day switched so I'm up all night and wake up at 6pm and I have a meeting at an early hour Tursday so I hope something will change by than.
>you can tell me what worries you if you want
Have been having money issues having the bank call me to settle my minus account balance cause I overdid myself on buying drugs and junk food but am taking a biiiig break starting tomorrow so it'll even itself out with my income coming everyday now. Kinda a black cloud over me but it'll pass.
>are you drinking enough?
Been chuging lingonberry juice and rasberry lemonade so I'm very hydrated.
>also, you look really good today!
No, you. Stap.

>>82308722 Thank you! Excited (heart eyes emoji & hug)

Also...
>>82308713
>>>no one even considers what's happening right now a problem
Just considering it won't change it - not sure what can, truly.

why would you come here of all places to look for answers? I guess that.. hope of curiosity.

why do you think it makes no difference? It just doesn't. It's not enough - as in... it won't truly be enough even of so many people trying. :)

>>82307872
I apologize, I know that's not what you meant that's why I didn't open with pornographic audios. A woman in my ear breathing, talking, moaning, it is a great distraction for me personally.
I never played yugioh before the bullshit cards so it's all I know. The decks and ban list drive me insane though, big reason why it's hard for me play. It's so annoying to just sit there with my bricked dogmatika hand while they vomit out their entire deck knowing there is nothing I can do turn 2. The only meta decks I liked was labyrinth. Everything else I played was rogue, especially when I refused to use certain cards and techs and packages. Traptrix was the first legit deck I played, before that I was playing alternating between home made zombie soup and skull servants. Pure rikka was fun, dogmatika was fun, swordsoul was fun but I think traptrix was my favorite.
I was on console for most of my gaymen career so I don't mind too much but most of the games I enjoyed are on PC. The majority of my time playing tf2 was with a pisscord friend who plays overwatch 2 now. DRG I initially bought to play with pisscord friends and they rarely played but I liked it. I played everyone except scout. Driller > Engineer > Gunner but I liked playing all of them. I just smoke pot so could be worse but definitely could be better.

>>82308713
>easy to hate things when you dont even know how real hate feels like
Did you mean love or hate on the second 'hate' there? Because some would say the opposite of love is also indifference, but either way both are destroying the world. Like I think people know deep down that their actions (and indifference) hurt others, even themselves in the not distant far future. They go and do them anyway. Sacrificing yourself to hurt others. Love would be kinda the opposite but we already know what happens but yeah its the not even knowing what its supposed to be.

>unless you mean a more broad definition of love, like love of the world and such.
Yes thats how I meant it, channeling your love or hatred into anything that isnt directly people.

>when everything is made so that you stay quiet and "happy" alone
>no one seems to care. no one even considers what's happening right now a problem
Pretty much yeah by the time they realize what went wrong it will be too late, all I can think about this is those Huxley quotes about being sane in an insane world and the "painless concentration camps" but this is unsustainable and I want to think the cracks are showing in part through the "fertility crisis".

>are you trying to not get consumed by the hate and machines cursing this existence?
Yessssssssssssss. I really dont know to explain it though. Like if all youve known in your life is hatred and indifference, are you even in the wrong for wanting to give that back to the world? I know its bad for me too but nothing else feels "right"

>i dont really like tea
Aww why not? chamomile with honey and milk is savory, if its the bitterness you dont like. Plain good ol green tea with lemon is my favorite, and hibiscus tea. I do feel physically better from drinking them too.

>>82308805
>"too miserable to sleep or eat" to "listless and empty"
oh... well, as long as you don't feel bad i guess it's fine...
>Fanta "exotic"
that seems rather disgusting. honestly don't know how people even drink sodas so much, i kinda get sick if i have too many sugary things.
>>82308859
>Hi anon.
hello!
>wake up at 6pm and I have a meeting
oh that seems rather dreadful. are you getting enough sleep? good luck at the meeting also
>am taking a biiiig break starting tomorrow
i see, good luck then! it's hard to break out of bad habits so try your best. i think i kind of got lucky in a way because i always found fast food disgusting and drugs scary so i never even got the chance to get addicted to anything
>I'm very hydrated
those do seem rather nice. drink water too though, it's really important!
>>82308929
you're very welcome! uh, you can quote things if you put a (>) before the phrase, it makes it easier to understand your replies.
>Just considering it won't change it
sure, but it would be a start. people need to be aware of how bad the situation is before they start being angry about it
>I guess that.. hope of curiosity
hm well im sure your hopes have been shattered then. dont stick around too long, nothing good here anyways.
>>82309104
>is a great distraction
i mean, that makes sense. though super stimuli like that might hurt in the long run anon
>I never played yugioh before the bullshit cards
oh, you poor soul... simpler times. better times. now i have to read a 3 page book whenever someone plays a card and it's a never ending chain of effects. i don't know any of the decks you mentioned since i've never used anything that was released after xyz monsters. personally i love the light sworn, six samurai, and gravekeeper decks. they're p good despite being old decks
>TF2
that game was basically my entire childhood. sad that your friend turned to the dark side. i love it dearly. in DRG i love scout because i have ADHD and need to be constantly moving heh.

>>82309142
>Did you mean love or hate
i meant hate. everyone throws out the word hate too lightly. hating something means that the thing you hate, is in your head almost all the time, bothering you simply by existing, you hate something when you'd go out of your way to destroy it, or make them suffer. not enough people have experienced hate, and can't understand the weight the word carries. it's just like love. nowdays the word has lost so much meaning. relationships are short, few, rarely happy. all because people can't give love the value it deserves. all because people are more scared of being alone than "loving" someone they don't actually love.
>opposite of love is also indifference
i guess, though indifference isn't a bad feeling per se. we make it bad, and hurt ourselves and others with it.
>into anything that isnt directly people.
what do you love?
>being sane in an insane world
heh, i often felt like i was the insane world for thinking the way i do, but really, i'm starting to think we're the sane ones and everyone has just been brainwashed too much to care. i also think some cracks are starting to show, but i'd be lying if i said i dont think its a little too late.
i can only hope the future will be better for whoever comes after us.
>for wanting to give that back to the world?
i mean that's always been an ethical question, are you as bad as the villain for giving him a taste of his own medicine? or are you just inflicting justice upon him? it's really hard to answer. personally, i won't hate one just because they hate me. but, if someone else does hate, then i won't blame them for it.
>nothing else feels "right"
wouldn't you rather extinguish the problem instead of fuelling the flames? hate only breeds hate. think of this: would you be happy if the hate you gave back, was the reason why another starts hating?
>Aww why not?
hmm... maybe i've just never had a good one. i'd drink a tea with you though! for now i'll just stick to my beloved orange juice.

>>82305869 (OP)
When do you think a person gets a soul, if you believe such a thing exists.
Conception, birth, brain development, what.
An ex of mine had an abortion years ago and it still bothers me.

>>82309205
I understand that and I've thought about it a lot. I am positive listening to audio porn like it's music is not a good thing but I don't care. I don't mean that in a rude or dismissive way, it's just something I've considered a lot and I think the harm is worth it. It's not like I'll ever have a gf or anything.
Damn yeah you stopped a long time ago then. It's retarded because they'll release an archetype with a ton of limitations and no one plays it because they released another at the same time with no limitations. All everyone cares about is money it drives me mad when I think about it can't have a fun game and make money we need to make moooore money and mooooooooore money.
Six sam was actually super fucking meta somewhat recently but it was used as an engine to vomit out generic boss monsters. IIRC Gravekeeper was solid rogue for anons in MD because of a lot of decks used the graveyard as a second hand. I should try to see if I can make my laptop work long enough to play tf2. Medic was main class but I liked engineer and pyro enough to have all 3 pretty close in play time.

>>82305869 (OP)
Do you ever wonder if you are a dead man walking as a decaying corpse? i feel myself rotting day by day as nothing changes and everything and everyone moves away to leave me. if i was dead say since my teenage years it would explain everything, my lack of growth physically and mentally, my isolation, my vision my constant pain. I am not sadly though as i watch fresh blood flow out of me still when i test. Yet i still sometimes watch my fingers turn to maggots and bone, or my skin pop with boils with no logical explanation for why or how it would simpy fit too well.

>>82309322
>gets a soul
hard to say, i think you get one the moment you start existing, and then it gets shaped as you continue living.
>>82309425
>something I've considered
okay, as long as you know. besides it's your life anon, do whatever you want, im just spreading awareness!
>you stopped a long time ago then
hm hm, basically when i had no one to play with irl anymore. i played master duel for a while, and it's fun against the bots but it gets stale.
>an archetype with a ton of limitations and no one plays it
the trick is, not care about new things. you should try to make a deck with some old cards and see how you like it anone. try to make a gravekeeper deck! it holds up pretty well against modern decks.
>we need to make moooore money and mooooooooore money
are you enjoying living in a greedy capitalist society anon??? I SURE AM! I LOVE IT
>was actually super fucking meta somewhat recently
i've seen that they added a link six samurai monster though i have never used it and never will. i refuse to use them.
>a lot of decks used the graveyard as a second hand
yeah, it's honestly so funny everytime im playing MP and some guy takes 4 minutes to activate all his effects, only to get cucked by my necrovalley at the end and give up. not really enjoyable gameplay though.
>work long enough to play tf2
it worked on my awful laptop 10 years ago, i think you're gonna be just fine. now it's also bot free so have fun if you play! i like playing scout and soldier a lot. used to main medic for a while too, and i hate engineers with passion.
>>82309535
>if you are a dead man walking
not that specifically, but i've wondered if i was a fake me living in my body
>if i was dead
perhaps it's not you, as a living being that died, but your own self, your soul. maybe that's why you feel so distant. though i wouldnt say you're dead, rather buried under layers upon layers of awful feelings and experiences. about the hallucinations... you should probably talk to a doctor dear anon.

>>82309205
> it makes it easier to understand your replies
Thank you, again! :)
> im sure your hopes have been shattered then
I've found the Bibliotheca and it's interesting to read through, even though I am Google-ing plenty words of each paragraph. :)))
The sum of... human... hobbies I knew to exist... more than doubled and I didn't even got to the winter of 2003. :D :))))))
And... shatters... sparkle in any tiny light. :)
>dont stick around too long
Plenty Reddit is too much for me, often, so... I wouldn't worry.
>nothing good here anyways
Doesn't seem or feel so... on your thread. :)

>>82309205
>are you getting enough sleep?
Yes I'm sleeping well, just at daytime.
>it's hard to break out of bad habits so try your best
It's not habbits per se, just didn't look at my bank account for a while and didn't notice it in time.
>i always found fast food disgusting
A lot of it is, but there's this ma n' pa pizza place that is really good that I order from.
>and drugs scary
They're not as scary when you do them; in moderate amounts, they're mellow and chill. And some medicines (which are just medical quality drugs) are not that much better, I am prescribed very addictive sedatives that get you high on clinical doses, which I've been using very sparingly; less than the priscribed dose reccomended.
>i never even got the chance to get addicted to anything
I take precautions to avoid drug dependency (such as limiting my sessions to two days a week, max, or limiting the doseage in a session to such and such mg and planning ahead of time etc.) so I'm not addicted, there will be no withdrawals and it's easy to stop (though they will be missed). It's just that they're expensive, and my bank usually stops me from withdawing from an atm at a certain limit, which they didn't do this month and allowed me to get into a minus; not that I blame the bank, I should have been more careful. And the fast food will be missed as well, but it's more the comfort of not having to cook that gets me, I just lack motivation due to mental illness and need to get my shit together and no be a lazy ass.
>drink water too though, it's really important!
I have a water bottle by my side all day long so no worries!

>>82309713
- the... human hobbies... weren't the curiosity :)))))

>>82309296
Oh I see what you mean, I agree with that too though I think its more like we are all so overstimulated and busy that even loving and hating properly becomes hard. I was watching a vid the other day about the slow rise in children committing crime, like straight up murdering classmates and thought of that.

>what do you love?
Nothing, im an empty shell of a man just living through the motions. But even if I were to love something passionately I dont think itd get me anywhere if there were no other people to share that love with, it does feel like the world gets quieter with each passing day so I got worried about it.

>brainwashed too much to care
I think part of it is straight up brainwashing and the other lacking need to care. Being honest its not like anyone instilled or taught me to care, I only started doing so when I nooticed.

>ethical question
I think it depends on the extent youre aware of things. An animal biting back his attackers cannot be blamed, but a human who is past this point of reasoning can. This oddly reminds me of "christianity", turning the other cheek and that (im not knowledgeable enough to claim thats all it is, just that it reminded me of it, also im sure other religions and cultures have something to say about this)

>rather extinguish the problem instead of fuelling the flames?
Yeah I know, I would rather extinguish it but idk I just find it impossible to act any other way after a lifetime of it. Thats why I mentioned where love doesnt grow hate takes place. Or I could do what Ive done until now, isolating, stagnating. Dying. Its like the literal neuron connections for self sacrifice are not in my dum brain, sorry! I guess the real way to extinguish the problem is broadly speaking "education", but nobody listens without reason so..

>would you be happy if the hate you gave back, was the reason why another starts hating?
Honestly all I want is a level playing field so kinda yes kinda not

>orange juice.
Eat the pulp too!

>>82308713
>keep trying anon, think of your cats! dont give up!

It happens that I already did give up, I really wanted to have a decent job, but what's the point of going in interviews just to be ghosted in countless interviews for fucking years? It can't be just me, I'm more worried in getting a driver's license and a vehicle than getting a job, because even if i get a vehicle and a driver's license, at least I can make money delivering food than trying to get a real job, words can't describe how much I'm tired of being ghosted

>>82309713
>it's interesting to read through
well i hope you enjoy your stay there then!
>human... hobbies
hm, you're not an alien are you?
>Doesn't seem or feel so... on your thread
heh, im glad to be the beacon of light in the sea of awfulness that is this board.
>>82309726
>just at daytime
do you think being awake at night is having an impact on your health? we're day creatures after all.
>pizza place
pizza is NOT fast food! unless it's in america. then maybe it's fast food. but who cares pizza is always good.
>in moderate amounts
of course, as long as they're not hard drugs i guess. i think im predisposed to get addicted to things, so i never even took the risk of trying them. though maybe, i'll have to take some meds too. perhaps that counts as drugs.
>I take precautions
that's good then. honestly i kinda dont get how anyone manages to get through life completely sober. i feel like im going insane. to make fast food look less tasty you could always try to cook something yourself! home made food is always better. i know it's really hard to do when you feel like crap, but if you manage to save up enough strength to do it then it'll be worth the struggle!
>I have a water bottle by my side all day
im very proud of u anon
>>82309846
>we are all so overstimulated and busy
yes, indeed. really sad state of affairs. why in god's name is work more important than love? than your life and family? why did anyone think that making work the focus of someone's life a good idea? i hate it so much. i hope things change soon.
>rise in children committing crime
that happens, when love is put aside and not given enough value.
>if there were no other people to share that love with
yeah, i feel the same. everything seems so pointless to do when i do it alone. i keep asking myself why i have to be the one alone, and can never find an answer.
>not like anyone instilled or taught me to care
that's just yet another failure by society

(cont.)

>>82310067
cont.
>>82309846
>on the extent youre aware of things
i think that's a good way to see it. we know better so we should do better... and yet we rarely do or just choose not to.
>just find it impossible to act any other way after a lifetime of it
i can't feel or know just how much you've been through anon, but keep trying, for the sake of yourself and everyone else. you have the right to not care yes. but you have the option to care too. you don't want to become the very thing that made you feel so bad right? if the only other option is dying, that would be preferable to me. but i won't blame you anyway if you choose the other. it's just really sad
>Eat the pulp too!
but that feels weird to eat... and is gross, eww
>>82309898
then go get your license anon, you got this!

>>82309700
I am grateful for your kind words and worry but I assure you I have . I have participated in the old school or whatever events in master duel and was not entertained in the slightest. I don't care about new things but those new things can exist without my knowledge or consent and cause problems for the game. Skull servants is pretty old, the oldest archetype I played. The rest are new or relatively new but it's not because they were new. My laptop is relatively good in terms of specs but I think it was having battery problems last year and wouldn't charge consistently so I just stopped using it.

>>82310067
>you're not an alien are you?
If I google more new words meanings... I might register to become one... before the summer of 2004. :)))
>well i hope you enjoy your stay there then!
I feel very uninvited.
>the sea of awfulness that is this board
Hmmm... Why are you here, then? (though it took me just a few minutes to learn to be scared of reading some threads' posts. :)) )

>>82310152
>Why are you here, then?
I no way meant as you not being here: I really like, a lot, the kind answers here. :)

>>82310067
>do you think being awake at night is having an impact on your health?
No, not at all. I naturally prefer nighttime anyway.
>pizza is always good
True.
>as long as they're not hard drugs
I don't believe in "hard" and "light" drugs. Each chemical has its own risk profile, and benefits. I spoke to very resposible heroin users that have their shit together and keep dependance at bay while enjoying the drug on occation (up to two days, without running into withdrawals).
>im predisposed to get addicted to things
Than better safe than sorry, I guess. You do need discipline to use drugs safely or risk going the wrong path.
>perhaps that counts as drugs
It does, imo.
>i kinda dont get how anyone manages to get through life completely sober.
Everybody's got their vices that help them unwind, find what works for you.
>i feel like im going insane
How so? Do you want to talk about it? Maybe chill with some weed? Or a beer? Or a videogame? Or an anime?
>home made food is always better
True. I have some frozen burgers on hand. Maybe next week I'll get ingredients to make some pasta or something.
>if you manage to save up enough strength to do it then it'll be worth the struggle
I'll see how I feel when the food I have rn will run-out, but no promises hehe.
>im very proud of u anon
So am I. It's a habit I picked up from my grandma hehe.

>>82305869 (OP)
hi anon, are you still replying? imma tell you that I've been struggling with loneliness. it's been like a year and half since I started college and still no friends nor anybody to talk to. last time i had aquentances, to say the least, was like 6 years ago and since then I've been only an online consumer zombie, it is so much fun being with online friends and everyday i hope it all ends to return to my computer. but it's not enough, i wanna talk to people and have friends irl too but it always ends up with me being stupidly silence, I can't ever think of anything to say back nor i have a slight confidence in my appearance. it's been a year and half now, im planning of stop going college, but parents won't let me, and my career is good and will make money, probably, though it demands sometimes to talk and make presentations. anyway thanks for reading. i know theorical solutions but lack action, so... if any advice that requires no actions pls thank you

>>82310098
>was not entertained in the slightest
ah, i see... what do you like about the game then?
>can exist without my knowledge or consent and cause problems
well yeah, they've completely ruin the game for me so
>Skull servants
now that i have looked into it yes that is very old actually. i dont think i've ever seen that deck before now
>it was having battery problems
ah yes the average laptop issue. i am really not fond of laptops personally.
>>82310152
>I might register to become one
well it's nice you're trying to learn our culture then! ...and whats with this summer thing?
>I feel very uninvited
yeah that seems about right for this website lole. lurk for a while, it's best to learn how the site works and how to behave before using it methinks
>Why are you here, then?
im not exactly sane either, and to bring solace to lost souls such as myself too!
i also feel like i dont really belong anywhere else. the few good anons make me feel understood. which is rare for me, so i keep coming back
>>82310374
>I naturally prefer nighttime anyway.
i like the night more too, i wish i could just never sleep. though maybe being awake all the time is not ideal
>keep dependance at bay while enjoying the drug on occation
well that seems like it takes a lot of effort. but, addiction doesn't always show in huge withdrawals anon, kinda like how porn addiction does. most people don't even know they're addicted for all their lives, yet they are. i don't want to question the ways of these people you're talking about if it makes them happy, but im just very skeptic that they'd be able to stop completely if they wanted. maybe they won't get heavy withdrawals, but some repercussions such as increased stress or strong urges i think will occur.
>It does, imo
then i won't be able to "flex" to people that i've never done drugs. wah. honestly sometimes i felt like a loser for never ever doing anything.

cont,

>>82310067
>i hate it so much. i hope things change soon.
Ohhhh believe me they will. Nothingburgerers love to claim victory, that nothing ever happened and happeninfags should shut up and take the L. But things will change, in the least expected way. Interesting days ahead!

>when love is put aside and not given enough value.
Trueee and real

>asking myself why i have to be the one alone, and can never find an answer.
Same, man. Hmmm, they say curiosity killed the cat. I think I have a pretty good understanding why of it but I wish I didnt, its so hard to unlearn things!

>failure by society
Yes so its our moral duty to rectify that. On a positive note, I got 16tb of storage and several network gear that I intend to eventually use for mesh networks, "altnets" and "knowledge preservation" stuff. I hope it eventually helps and reach those who need it.

>yet we rarely do or just choose not to.
Yeah, the saying "those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it" is extremely popular. I can see why its popular but also see why we indeed "never learn". The window for learning and internalizing non-academic information is very slim, but I have hope everyone can learn under the right guidance. Like you ever wondered why some people do a total 180 in their ways (for better or worse)? Or what happens when they fall through the cracks of society?

>become the very thing that made you feel so bad right?
Dont worry, its more like intrusive thoughts than anything. I cant become that barking dog devoid of reason. I cant be a "nice" person either but I do hope and will try making a better world for some people (lets be real some other people really deserve death penalty). Sometimes I worry if I come off as too negative, schizo or even evil. Its very important to relax, to be chill to move through life. I struggle a lot with that but im moving forward, I hope.

>but that feels weird to eat... and is gross, eww
b-b-but fiber slows down the glucose spike = feeling better !

>>82310587
cont.
>>82310374
>How so?
my head has been in shambles for a long time anon, i've managed to keep my reason intact for now but i don't know for how long i will last. i think i will go to the doctor eventually before i hurt myself. still, thank you for the offer, but i think i'll go to bed soon anyways.
>some frozen burgers
you could make the burgers yourself too! just buy some minced meat, spice it, and shape into a ball, then squish it and done! pasta is always nice too. i love carbonara
>but no promises
hmm... i trust you'll do the right thing!
>>82310595
>But things will change
hmm, what do you think will happen anone? only good things, right?
>but I wish I didnt
ignorance is bliss, but answers provide closure. i don't know which one i'd prefer. i think if there was a good reason why i have to suffer so much then it would soothe me. being left in the dark makes everything feel more pointless...
>16tb of storage and several network gear
holy cow. where do you even store that? still i think what you're doing is fantastic work anon. how long do you think it will take to build this mesh network thing? sorry i am very stupidwhen it comes to computers and such.
>you ever wondered why some people do a total 180 in their ways
i think it has to do with their souls, either getting tainted or purified by an external source. everyone is always constantly changing, and easily swayed around by others if they dont have strong ideals or roots. nowdays, it feels like people prefer to let others think for them, rather than go through the struggle of formulating their own opinions.
>I cant be a "nice" person either
the definition of nice person varies heavily depending on the person so, who knows. maybe you already are.
>I come off as too negative
i think as long as you stay true to yourself then you shouldn't worry. live and let live is a great life policy if you ask me
>b-b-but fiber
i dont need fiber i only need vitamins!!! you do get your daily dose too right anon??

>>82310418
>hi anon
hello!!1!
>>82310418
>I've been struggling with loneliness
many just like you here anon, me included. there's some company in the struggle.
>i hope it all ends to return to my computer
im very familiar with this feeling anon, but i think it's good you've realized that it's not enough for you. it's important to have relationships irl too.
>>82310418
>I can't ever think of anything to say back
i'm no expert in making friends myself, though i can manage to hold conversations. it's a bit hard to explain since a lot of the things i do, i just, do them not really thinking about it much. whenever someone's talking with you, try to ask yourself some questions, such as "what's something they said that i don't like, so that i can offer a different view/opinion?" "is there anything they said that i can connect with another topic that i like or they like?" "is there anything about what they said that i could ask them to expand upon?". some examples would be, lets say im talking with someone that mentions liking a type of food. you could ask what they like about the food, why, you could mention your own favourite food, or a similar one they might like, you could connect the topic of food to the hobby of cooking, if thats what you're interested in. i think the key for having a good conversation is asking (smart) questions. people love answering to questions (and talking about themselves...) about them or what they like. to make friends, you just need to do this consistently with the same person/group of people. it's easier said than done yes, it's hard to build up the confidence to talk with others, but keep in mind you got nothing to lose and everything to gain. worst that can happen is that you and the other person don't click, and go on with your lives. best that could happen, is you make a friend!

>>82310587
I like all the decks I talked about playing. I'm surprised you haven't, I thought it was a classic. Unfortunately it cannot really be used in old timer events because most of his support is too new. I got the laptop for cheap 3 or 4 years ago so it was worth the money at least. I enjoyed our conversation today, have a good night anon.

>>82310704
>many just like you here anon, me included. there's some company in the struggle.
yeah i know but i wonder how they and you go with your lives seemingly fine or at least finding fun out of this. i want to overcome this issue though there's times i feel like being completely incapable to such. it is a real feeling that infest your mind with nothing but pure and absolute hopeless about ideas of improvement.
that's what stops me most of the times while attempting and failing to making socials
>"what's something they said that i don't like, so that i can offer a different view/opinion?"
I've tried framing my sentences and organize my words properly. main problem though is... i suck at making conversation entertaining. i bore the hell out of people the moment they find me interesting (while writing this im also kind of scare, what the hell, to not be of you like and for you so to reply) and my mind goes blank. i start to act nervous and unappealing. they won't tell me but i know they want to get the hell out of my sight. i have confidence when talking to my friends online but there are also times when i feel this way with them.
uhh... do you have anybody who's become a friend of yours by doing the food questions?

>>82310898
>you go with your lives seemingly fine
oh, anon, i do NOT go fine. i am literally losing my mind over being lonely for so long, it's killing me, its ruining my life. don't think people are fine just because they seem like they are, or don't act like they're not. i am very aware of how hard it is, i am very familiar with the feeling of hopelessness you deal with, and i can confidently tell you there's no "solution" to this. there's no secret way to make friends or to overcome how pointless trying feels. you can only rely on your own willpower to get better.
it's hard, it will hurt, but it's worth it. also, don't drop out of college please. education is really important nowdays. try your best to endure it, okay?
>i suck at making conversation entertaining
conversations being fun are not your responsibility only anon, it could be that the other person sucks at it too. don't blame yourself all the time! what do you think makes a conversation interesting?
>while writing this im also kind of scared
it's okay anon, i was just like you. i make these threads often, and you can come here and talk with me to practice if you want! about whatever you want. you may not believe me, but talking with anons here helped develop my social skills alot. it really did! it's all about getting used to the pressure of talking with strangers.
>i know they want to get the hell out of my sight
no you dont anon, thats just your paranoias telling you that. most people really don't care as much as you think they do.
>times when i feel this way with them
it's okay, it's just how you are. keep talking with them, it'll be easier as time goes on, trust me. i was just like you! this anxiety won't ever go away completely i fear, we just need to get used to it.
>who's become a friend of yours by doing the food questions?
heheh, yes. those questions along with many others. making friends takes time anon, but making friends takes time anon. it's not something that happens over a week.

>>82310809
was great talking with you too anon! have a good night.

>>82311111
holy moly quads and i said making friends takes time twice how embarrassing im tired i need to go to bed!!!!

>>82310694
>only good things, right?
Oh a looot of things, dont want to get into specifics just remember practically all past cultures and civlizations considered life to be cyclical. That depends on whether people stick around each other or not. So far it seems like they dont and wont, but im 99.9% confident they will when needed.

>ignorance is bliss, but answers provide closure.
It really is, or not I mean theres a balance, and that closure is illusory anyway because everything really is in constant motion. Even the saddest things can be unlearnead. Theres no real need to seek them, cats have 9 lives anyway :3

>how long do you think it will take to build this mesh network thing?
Being honest im not sure as im not that knowledgeable either, but its something ive been wanting to do for the longest time and the conditions are finally being met. Took a long time, being poor really sucks!

>tainted or purified by an external source
Yeah, thats one way to put it too. Youre right we are always constantly changing but I think its more like eras, chapters rathen than truly continuous. Youre right too we let others do the thinking, and our food and a lot of things we shouldnt for us but also being alone leaves one to do it all by themselves and there is a lot of loneliness around sooo...

>live and let live is a great life policy if you ask me
Ye its a good one. I prefer the good ol Golden Rule tbf

>i dont need fiber i only need vitamins!!!
You NEED fiber, and chocolate and anandamides!

>you do get your daily dose too right anon??
Yeah I had pasta with smoked oysters and spinach. Thank god I moved on from junkfood!

>>82310587
>i wish i could just never sleep
That sounds horrible. Sleep is one of the highlights of my day.
>well that seems like it takes a lot of effort
Not really, it's like not drinking a whole bottle of spirit, but a few shots and at specific times, as a treat. If something's worth doing, it's worth doing right, and most well adjusted adults adhear to these rules on an everyday basis.
>kinda like how porn addiction does. most people don't even know they're addicted for all their lives, yet they are
Idk about addiction, but I can't do it without visual/auditory/kinesthetic stimulation even irl (for example, it helps when my gf takes her shirt off); it's like adding fuel to a fire. Am I an addict? But I mean, there are actual porn addicts like gooners who have a relationship with, and a psycological dependance to porn.
>im just very skeptic that they'd be able to stop completely if they wanted
Stopping when wanting is more or less the point of avoiding dependance. Some of them use drugs as an emotional crutch, for sure, but as I said, everyone has their vices to help them unwind. Not overdoing it is the important bit.
>increased stress
increased stress is a physical withdrawal symptom. Which is avoidable.
>strong urges
That is a psycological dependence symptom. And while it is true that this is more likely to happen (happened to me for a while, before learning to deal with it) even with things like weed, most of the time it's relatively easy to deal with when you have your priorities straight (and avoiding the trap of having a "relationship" with a drug/activity and fetishizing it). I, for example, keep my stash hidden and out of easy reach; out of sight, out of mind. And go about my week sober with no cravings (anymore). Even at hard times.
>sometimes i felt like a loser for never ever doing anything
You do what is fitting to your life and there is no shame in that. Although, maybe the right drug will enhance your life? You may never know.
Cont.

>>82311111
CHECK THOSE FUCKING QUINTS

>>82305869 (OP)
I'm a perverted jobless autist and I hate myself.
18m

>>82310694
>my head has been in shambles for a long time anon
I'm sorry to hear.
>i've managed to keep my reason intact for now but i don't know for how long i will last. i think i will go to the doctor eventually before i hurt myself
If that is as dire a situation as you describe it, going to see a doctor/psychiatrist at your soonest convinience is the best course of action, don't delay; getting help before it's too late is important and not a shame. Though, they'll prolly prescribe you a weak to mid benzo (sedative to deal with anxiety) and call it a job well done. Unless you have some undiagnosed personality disorder/mental illness which would require other drugs to treat/manage. Idk your situation apart for having ADHD and intrusive thoughts... Goodluck.
>but i think i'll go to bed soon anyways
Have a good rest.
>you could make the burgers yourself
I know. I have. I will.
>hmm... i trust you'll do the right thing
I can only hope to do the right thing. Thanks.

>>82310080
>then go get your license anon, you got this!

I don't know if I really got this, ever since I finished school I been a neet without neetbux, I don't even have my potato pc anymore, all I do is use my phone, and take care of my cats and also my mom, my mom is the only one with money

I feel Soo hopeless