There’s a giant bringing a cow through Rorikstead tomorrow. It’s part of a long term business investment I’m running. That animal has been force fed so much moon sugar its milk is laced with the stuff. Kill the giant so there are no lingering witnesses. You may have to kill his whole tribe. A minor detail. Then take the cow to Honningbrew Meadery where we have our production facility. Milk the cow and churn the milk into cream. Kots love to lick my cream! If this takes off, we can charge as much as the market can bear and make a killing. Breed cream cows for moon sugar milk, and ramp up our production tenfold. Oh, and it’s a fine day with you around.

I want you to get one of your dragon friends, Parker Snatch or Ogre Wing or whatever the fuck they’re called, and use it to fly on that caravan of kots and fricassee them. It has to look like a regular dragon attack and not traced back to me. I gave that one mangy rug the mammoth tusk he wanted all hollowed out to move moon sugar into Morthal and that fucker never did it and it’s costing me overhead. I’m going to make an example of him and it’s a fine day with you around.

Waifus
Lore
Sap

I’m expanding our operation. I’m sending you to Redwater Den. Redwater skooma is potent shit, and I want control of it. He who controls the skooma controls the kitty kots! See if there are any systemic problems with the set up. If things look good go ahead and hit them—not the addicts that’s money in the bank—and I’ll arrange to put our own people in place. Belethor and Proventus are backing us up so I can squeeze out Maven. That bitch has a diamond for a brain so she’s not going to sit around and do nothing. This is a territorial move on our part so be extra careful. It’s a fine day with you around.

There’s a gypsy kot kamp outside Markarth. I want you to hit them. Hard. Kill all the guards and slaughter the kots. These thieving fur balls disrupt my supply lines and snort up more drugs than they sell. I’ve had enough. I can’t pay off Balgruuf to look the other way and he is not a patient man. I heard he slave whipped Irileth for getting on his ass drinking too much while running his mouth spilling state secrets at the Bannered Mare. Hung her from the Dragonreach trap and caned that bitch raw and bloody. Then he let the guards run train. Twenty septims she keeps her cunt mouth closed next time, huh? Anyway, it’s a fine day with you around.

I’ve got moon sugar coming in from Windhelm. But the smuggler broke down outside Loreius farm. That’s right. Fifty pounds of kot sugar sitting on the goddamn road in a broken wagon. What a goat fuck this is. Get out there ASAP and get that fucking clown moving before a guard catches on. If Lorius helps, or doesn’t help with the repair, kill him and his wife. We can’t leave witnesses to this disaster.

I’ve got moon sugar coming in from Windhelm. But my smuggler broke down outside Loreius farm. That’s right. Fifty pounds of loon sugar sitting on the goddamn road in a broken wagon. What a goat fuck this is. Get out there ASAP and get that fucking clown moving before a guard catches on. If Lorius helps facilitate the repair, kill him and his wife afterward. We can’t leave any witnesses to this disaster.

Someone is killing my drug mules in Windhelm and taking the vials of skooma they swallowed. They’re trying to cover their tracks by making it look like a serial killing. Find who’s disrupting my drug chain and slab him. While you’re there push junk to orphans and other children in septim doses. I’ve got to make up the loss in revenue somehow.

One of our Whiterun skooma dens was raided by those gypsy kots pretending to be merchants. I lost 29540 septims worth of pure Elsweyr white in that goat fuck fiasco, and Balgruuf wants his fucking sin tax no matter what. I want you to behead every kot in their fucking gypsy camp, even the kittens, and unborn kitty kots. Smash their tiny brains against a stump. We’ll teach those mangy rugs not to fuck around with my operation.

“I’m moving 30 keys of Skooma into Whiterun on the third Mondas of this month. I need you to provide security for that transfer from Solitude and prevent those thieving kots from high jacking the shipment. You have permission to exterminated them with extreme prejudice if they come anywhere near the route. Oh, and it’s a fine day with you around.”