Thread 96858097

>Be me.
>Mercenary Captain Jr.
>Son of the legendary Mercenary Captain that took Entilement Keep from the an army of soldiers, undead, orcs, and demons years ago and was made a lord of those lands.
>Today he rules from his castle as a noble while I continue the family name in his honor.
KeepTheTraditionAlive.tapestry
>Rumors have been spreading through the land that Entilement the IInd yet lives, changed into a vampire and terrorizing my father's lands.
herewegoagain.shieldpainting
>I've taken up my father's sword along side some of his men and plan to lay siege to his new dark fortress of evil.
>After days of travel we arrive at his new castle in the dead of night with a storm raging and set up to lay siege to the vampire's lair.
>This will be my first siege, hopefully I can make my father proud.


First Siege: https://desuarchive.org/tg/thread/68686655

Second Siege Pt1: https://desuarchive.org/tg/thread/92674836/

Second Siege pt2: https://desuarchive.org/tg/thread/92694865/

>Bez me
>Eadless Deff Knight Ead Taker (formerly known as Warboss Ead Basha from the previous thread)
>Afta dat humie git took my ead an axe da Nekromansa rezer-- reso-- raso--
zog_it.cavepainting
>Brought mez back te loif
>Iz now no longer da warboss insted work fur em leading ez skrawnie bones
>Get cool armor an skele horse do so derez dat
>Ead ez now juz sum blue foier
>Iz wn te find dat humie excusioner dat took me ead an fire axe, but da boss wantz me te elp out one uv ez ladz
>So iz taken de boney gitz te defe-- deepen-- errr stop gitz frum messen up da rock struksha
>Ard te fink wif no ead
>Hope dat excusioner git shows up again zo iz can ave a rematch

Bump.

>>96858097 (OP)
>Be Horetta III, Lord Entilemen IInd’s Daughter-Wife, High Priestess of Non-Denominational Evil
>Chilling out in the Dark Fortress of Evil, doing unspeakable things to the latest bunch of elf prisoners we captured
>My husband-father-brother is around here somewhere, many years ago we fled his previous castle to make our home here
>After several of my attempts to usurper him fell apart due to improbable chains of events, I decided that I find theology is more interesting to me than politics anyways
>Why become Lady and legalize a few types of degeneracy when you can become a priestess of evil and tell people that the dark gods expect all sorts of degeneracy in their honor?
>Besides, there is something about his crooked, tumor encrusted cock that really does it for me, I haven’t been able to recreate it on other beings, no matter how good by transmutation spells get
>Too bad the rest of him is so ugly though, it is just as well he isn’t my actual father, just my half-sibling, nephew, and probably a few other things too
>Anywho, back to work I guess, it isn’t easy being high priestess to every known dark god, demon, devil, eldritch horror, immortal lich, unseelie fairy, hag, genie, or other evil spirit willing to trade power in return for prayer, sacrifices, sex, or sex adjacent activities
>Suddenly three of my slave-servants (the three I grafted together for funsies) run into my evil temple-laboratory-sex dungeon and tell me that Mercenary Captain Jr. and his army have finally made it through the Evil Forest and are now laying siege to the Dark Fortress of Evil
>Oh goody, about time, the trap is now set
>Did those fools really think it was a coincidence that none of the restless dead, dark fey, or hungry monsters that dwell in the Evil Forest chose to bother them during their march?

>>96863675
>Say goodbye to any supply lines, rearguard, or orderly retreats you were hoping to have, now that you are pinned between the Evil Forest and the Dark Fortress of Evil, it is you that is besieged, and any who are taken alive will suffer a fate so horrible even I haven’t dreamt it up yet
>UnhingedEvilLaughter.exe

>>96858097 (OP)
>Be Starbright Nobleheart, Apprentice Mage
>By the Mother Goddesses and the Non-Binary Gods and the Holy Animal Spirits, who could imagine that a land this foul could even exist?
>Back in my homeland, the multicultural magocratic city of Dreamwoke, everything is clean and progressive and modern and magical
>I really should have just stayed there, but no, I had to “explore” and “broaden my horizons” and “push my limits” and get a job as Court Mage in the only shit hole backwater enough to employ a young apprentice as a senior court official
>I had thought things were bad in the capital of the nation only known as “The Kingdom”, but once I arrived at my new home in “The Castle Formerly Known As Entilement Keep”, I discovered that humans could in fact become more filthy, moronic, and inbred than even the worst goblin tribes
>Seriously, most of the inhabitants of the “Former Entilement Lands” can’t read, can’t write, have no knowledge of basic biology or hygiene, have never left their home village, have never slept with anyone who wasn’t a sibling or first cousin or a farm animal, and never seen a woman with skin darker than curdled milk
>If I get called “drow” or “demoness” one more time I swear...
>Nevermind
>The story gets even better
>It turns out that as bad as the “Former Entilement Lands” are, there is an adjacent territory that is even more impoverished, ignorant, and inbred, and it is known as the “Evil Lands”
>The Evil Lands are home to all sorts of evil creatures, and the degenerate previous rulers of Entilement Keep have rallied said evil creatures to cause all sorts of problems for their former subjects
>So the new ruler of the “The Castle Formerly Known As Entilement Keep” has sent a small army under the command of his son to besiege the “Dark Fortress of Evil” and rid the land of ...evil
>Seriously, who comes up with these place names?

GIVE THEM TO ME

>>96863903
(continued)
>In addition to his hired mercenaries, the new lord also conscripted a few people to help round out his forces, including a few orc berserkers, dwarf engineers, “elf” guides, and myself obviously
>Not that it will help much, if the stories are true, not only are we outnumbered, but the enemy has all sorts of powerful witches, vampires, werewolves, werebats, hags, phantoms, liches, demons, devils, and who knows what else at their disposal
>We are so fucked
>So far not too much has happened though, aside from heavy rain, tents that keep getting blown down in the wind, deep mud mixed with fecal material, rotting food, and no sanitation whatsoever
>Who would have thought even “The Castle Formerly Known As Entilement Keep”'s smelly outhouses would seem like a luxury
>Speaking of which, it may be time for another trip to the privacy of the woods

>>96861661
>>96863677
>>96863903
>>96863928
>Be Mercenary Captain Jr.
>The siege is actually progressing surprisingly well.
MFW
>Well... wellER than I was expecting given the stories I heard of the First War and my father's siege years later.
>The orc mercenaries my father hired are being very well behaved for green skins (probably because they're only half orcs but they don't like people bringing that up), the dwarfs have been a huge help setting up the siege equipment, and the elf guides have mostly shut up given how evil and corrupted these lands are.
>Rain is still annoying and has caused us to rebuild the siege equipment multiple times as they sink into the mud.
>After a couple days of firing rocks at the fowl keep, I hear a loud "Waaaaaaagh!" from deep in the dark forest and see a horde of skeletons lead by a very bulky dullahan on a skeleton horse charge our backline cutting off our supply lines.
thisiswherethefunbegins.bardballad
>I find my helmet and order the half orcs to the back to stop the skeletons while the dwarfs start loading their blunderbusses with black powder.
>Where's that damn wizard my father hired?

>>96863677
>>96863928
>>96865144
>Be The Pumpkin Man
>I forever roam the Evil Forest looking for Pumpkin Brides to drag back to my Pumpkin Realm
>That deranged slut Horetta tells me to stand down until the mercenary army is deep in the woods, at the walls of the fortress in fact
>Fine by me, it is easier to behead people, drag them to the ritual site, and bring them back as Pumpkin Brides and Pumpkin Slaves when everyone is distracted by a good fight or an even better spooking
>After several days of lurking in the woods, Horetta finally gives the signal to attack
>Rather than use her more subtle allies like myself, the Slenderman, the ghosts, the evil fairies, and the rest of the sneaky hunter types to slowly chip away at enemy morale, she sends in her pet dullahan and a bunch of skeletons to attack the mercenary army from behind, while encouraging her other allies to attack where ever they see openings to do so
>Not what I would have done, if they drive off the skeletons it might boost their morale rather than sink it, but I suppose with an enemy army this big you might as well throw in a few big attacks every once in a while, otherwise it will take forever to whittle away at their ranks, and it is not like their isn’t a shortage of bodies in these woods that can be brought to life as basic skeletons and zombies
>But at least I am now off my leash so to speak, it is time to hunt for some Brides
>I spot an exotic looking human woman preparing to relieve herself, and an attractive elven sentry nearby sneaking near her, trying to get a closer look
>Elves are dime a dozen in my harem, but few are as attractive as that one, and I have nothing that is even close to the exotic looking human
>This is perfect
>EvilPumpkinLaughter.exe
>I gather a few skeletons, ghouls, and evil fairies to keep the pair distracted while me and some Pumpkin Brides get into position
>I need to be careful, I wouldn’t want to damage their torsos too much before I take their heads

>>96865487
>Be Princess Primrose of Twigsprout Kingdom
>I am currently doing sentry duty in the wretched Evil Forest because I got in a fight with my bitch sister, the Queen of Twigsprout Kingdom
>It seems my sister has developed the same strange insanity as our late father, an obsession with deliberately placing their own kind in harms way in hopes of causing illicit romances, or outright rapes, that will apparently lead to the prophesied rise of a human-elf-orc master race that will conquer the region
>It would also be racial and cultural suicide for us, though to be fair, there isn’t much Elven culture left Twigsprout Kingdom these days
>Our ancestors made the mistake of mixing bloodlines with a powerful nymph, and now most of our kind carries the “Elven Curse” of extremely high libido, short attention spans, and cowardice, which when combined with the traditional Elven pride, love for political maneuvering, and sense of invincibility can often make for a bad combination
>Even worse, three quarters of our Kingdom is now female, and the Elven men who carry the Curse are highly feminine, usually gay, and have single digit sperm counts
>Only the traditional Elven disdain for other races has kept our Kingdom from completely dissolving into a roaming mob of whores, scouring the land for suitable non-Elven mates
>But my sister the Queen is slowly chipping away at this disdain by promoting the worship of the Elven Goddesses of Fertility, Beauty, and Artistry, by bringing back very revealing fashions, by sending random minor nobles as untrained diplomats to neighboring lands, by provoking fights with orcs, humans, and other rapey races, and by sending military aid to anyone who could plausibly be called an ally
>Those who disagree with such policies are often the first to be conscripted into the latest military adventure
>And that is why I am sitting in a forest, half-naked, in heavy rain, doing sentry duty like a common born

>>96866183
>Since I wasn’t able to bring my maid/lesbian lover with me, I am also incredibly horny, but I have old political grudges with nearly every other elf participating in this siege
>And nearly all the humans are very ugly, and unfortunately male
>But there is one human that has caught my eye, a mage from some far off land with exotic looks and an understanding of basic hygiene
>Not that I would ever touch a human that way, but I am sort of curious what she looks like beneath those heavy robes
>Oh look, she is coming this way for a bathroom break
>I really shouldn’t
>But I find myself sneaking closer for a peek anyways
>Oh how the mighty have fallen

>>96863928
>>96865144
>>96865487
>>96866196
>Be Starbright Nobleheart, Apprentice Mage
>I find a suitable spot in the forest, only to see one of those strange underdressed elves lurking nearby
>Ugh
>I suppose it could be worse though, I went deeper into the forest than I had planned, and who knows what could be out here
>Like those two skeletons sneaking up on the elf
>Wait, what?
>I draw my wand and unleash my most powerful spell
>”Magic Missile!”
>Two glowing darts smash into one skeleton, exploding it, while the third dart knocks the head off the other
>Something jabs me hard in the right buttock
>I turn around fast, but there is nothing there
>Then I see a spiky looking fairy swoop in to stab me in the eye with a sword that looks like a thorn
>”Ahhh!!!”
>”Mage Armor!”
>A thin invisible barrier envelopes me just in time and the fairy’s sword scrapes my face but doesn’t cause damage.
>Not fully trusting my magic to protect me, I also put on my thick glasses to protect against any other attacks to my eyesight
>I try to swat down the fairy a few times, but it nimbly evades my hands
>I then realize that several more skeletons are pulling themselves from the earth all around us, plus an ugly looking creature that might be a ghoul
>Oh shit, I already used both my spell slots, only cantrips left now
>Uhm
>”Expelliarmus”
>The sword the nearest skeleton is holding goes flying, as does the skeletal hand holding it, but the skeleton behind it just picks up the sword and now has two swords
>Uhhh
>Not good

>>96865144
>>96861661
>>96866943
>Be M4rcenary Captain Jr.
>The half orc auxiliaries are doing a fine job holding off the hordes of skeletons.
>The dwarven gunline managed to fire a first volley giving them a second to breathe
>The buff dullahan is still charging though.
>I manage to find a horse near one of the trebuchets and mount up drawing my sword.
>Still wondering where the mage went then I see a couple magic flashes coming from the evil forest.
Thatseaslikeagoodplacetostart.banner
>Order a couple of my men that aren't doing anything into the forest to find the mage while I get ready to do my best to hold off the dullahan.
>Gods willing they can do something about the undead before I actually have to fight that beast, but it's important to keep up appearances for moral sake in these times.

>>96866196
>>96866943
>>96867182
>Be Princess Primrose of Twigsprout Kingdom
>The exotic looking mage fires three magic missiles my way
>Well that is a massive overreaction, you could have just said “go away”
>The missiles miss, but then I am showered with bits of bone
>From the skeletons behind me
>Whose presence I was totally aware of this entire time
>Damn Elven Curse
>I draw my sword and smash apart two more skeletons
>Normally a sword isn’t a great weapon against an animated skeletal opponent, but the bones on these ones seem as brittle as dry twigs, and it doesn’t take much to put them down
>All those little bits of bone getting stuck between my skin and my armor is starting to get uncomfortable though, and I yet again curse the impractical design chosen by my sister the Queen
>Four more skeletons smashed and two spiky fairies slashed in half later, and I find myself facing my first true opponent, a ravenous ghoul, whose claws I slice off one at a time as they sweep at me, before I finish it off with a decapitation
>And then I find myself facing my first true true opponent, an elf woman in a ragged and very revealing dress, carrying a sword and wearing a pumpkin on her head
>No wait, that is her actual head
>Naturally I have heard of the Pumpkin Man and the peculiar form of necromancy he uses
>I should have known that a battle taking place in the Evil Forest would attract creatures of such power, but the prospect of facing the Pumpkin Man himself still makes my blood run cold
>Nope to this
>I turn to run, but one of my stupid heels gets caught in that stupid dangling cloth thing
>By the time I rip it lose, the Pumpkin Bride has closed the distance and is engaging me in a furious sword fight
>She must have been quite the fighter before she died and was reborn, I probably knew who she was at one point, there are few fighters of note in Twigsprout Kingdom

>>96868012
>Or maybe she is from some other Elven Kingdom, one of the ones that aren’t completely messed up
>One minute of furious sword fighting later and all we have inflected on each other is a few minor cuts
>Damn high heels, even one of my skill and agility is hard pressed to fight with these on in this muddy terrain
>It doesn’t help either that skeletons keep jumping on me to try and distract me
>Suddenly a few human mercenaries show up and start fighting the remaining skeletons and ghouls
>I manage to punch the Pumpkin Bride in the “face”, then spot two more Pumpkin Brides approaching and flee back towards the main group of human mercenaries
>The exotic mage and the recently arrived mercenaries will hopefully slow down the Pumpkin Man for a long enough that I reach the safety of the milling masses
>YourSacrificeWillBeRemembered.exe

>>96866943
>>96867182
>>96868023
>Be Starbright Nobleheart, Apprentice Mage
>The Elf swordswoman kills several opponents before getting caught up fighting a strange woman with a pumpkin for a head
>She is really good at this, unfortunately I am not
>I spend what seems like an eternity essentially playing “tag” with a bunch of skeletons while being tormented by a pair of fairies who seem to have the ability to cause tree roots to silently lift up and try and trip me
>There are also a few ghouls and pumpkin headed people standing nearby, watching the sword fight between the elf and the pumpkin headed woman, if even one of those creatures comes for me I am totally dead
>And then several human soldiers show up and slay most of the skeletons harrying both myself and the elf
>But this prompts the ghouls and two more pumpkin headed people to rush into the fight
>Also the elf flees
>A pervert and a coward
>The elves here really suck compared to the ones in my homeland
>I prepare to sell my life to give my misguided rescuers a chance to flee, but instead the human officer pulls me onto his horse and tells me the leader of the mercenaries needs me to defeat the dullahan leader of the main skeleton horde
>The what now?
>The officer rides his horse back to the main battle while his men get swarmed by ghouls and pumpkin people
SorryAboutThat.exe
>I don’t have time to dwell on the fate of poor arms men for long as it quickly becomes apparent things aren’t going any better elsewhere on the battlefield
>Skeletons are swarming everywhere and only the half-orc beserkers are holding them off
>Then I spot what must be the “dullahan”, which looks like a heavily armored large orc with no head riding a skeletal horse
>Oh geez, I don’t think even my magic missiles would have done much against that thing

>>96868376
>Naturally the officer charges his horse right at the “dullahan” while yelling “Cast a spell” over and over again at me
>Oh geez, oh crap, oh shit....
>Uh...
“Expelliarmus!”

>>96868023
>>96868387
>Be The Pumpkin Man
>Silently kick myself for letting both potential Pumpkin Brides get away
>If only I hadn’t become so engrossed by the sword fight between the elf and my favorite Bride
>Oh well, I will just have to disperse my followers among the swarming tides of undead and evil creatures and hope that another opportunity presents itself

>Be me
>Wicked Willy Wilhelm the Wizard
>My tower is still damp from my last apprentice flooding it
>I could ponder the orb while he fixes things but sitting in a cloud of mould is unhealthy, even for me
>Time to go for a stroll
>Cast a spell that will take me to the most inconsequential place in all the world
>Why inconsequential do you ask?
>Why, so I can have fun without any consequences of course!
>Appear in a gloomy forest with a crack of thunder and the yelling of smelly mortals in the distance
>Where am I?
>Who cares, I'm going to find out!
>But first, this weather is boring, I'm going to summon more wind and rain, enough to make a cyclone!

>>96868023
>>96869118
>Be Princess Primrose of Twigsprout Kingdom
>I found a nice spot on a rocky outcrop in the midst of the allied human army to sit and regain my composure
>The battle is not going great, but it is not going terribly either
>Not that I care very much as long as there is enough surviving humans to shield me from any serious threats
>Hmmm, the rain and wind certainly seem to be picking up though, I wonder if someone pissed off a druid again, or maybe the occupants of the fortress have weather magic
>The rain is coming down so hard and so cold that it is making my exposed skin go numb, and the wind is strong enough to whip my thick, drenched hair into my face every time it changes direction
>The visibility is so bad even my Elven eyes can’t see far
>After a particularly strong gust of wind almost lifts me off my feet, I decide to seek shelter
>I spot a deep but narrow crevasse in the rocky ridge on top of which the Dark Fortress of Evil sits
>That seems like a good place to hide as long as it doesn’t get flooded out or is filled with monsters
>I make my way into the crevasse and sigh with relief as soon as I am out of the stinging rain
>Almost instantly I spot a small cave on the side of the crevasse that looks a tad too artificial
>Upon closer inspection, I realize it is a cleverly disguised drainage outlet, sewer, or ventilation shaft, probably the last one as it neither smells like shit nor any water coming from it
>I wonder where it leads?
>It will be a tight fit, but it will be worth it to be out of the rain, and even more worth it if it allows for infiltration into the fortress and thus give me a bunch of glory without having to do anything particularly dangerous
>I take off some of my more cumbersome and impractical pieces of “armor”, and start crawling

>>96869633
>After a few minutes of scrapping my knees and palms crawling through the slightly downward sloping tunnel, I notice it getting warmer and slightly smoky, but also thankfully wider and taller
>And then I see the bats, and the large spiders, and the bats stuck in spider webs, and the tunnel bottom is now covered in guano
>Gross
>It is still too confined in here to turn around, so my only options are to keep crawling forward through the bat guano, or crawl backwards back out into the cold, or just stay put in uncomfortable, cramped conditions
>Decisions, decisions

>>96868023
>>96868376
>>96868387
>>96869118
>Be Mercenary Captain Jr.
>I watch in horror as the buff dullahan butchers his way through my men, somehow cutting off their heads with every swipe of his axe.
fuckthis.oilpainting
>I know there's no way I can fight something like that and try looking for a path of escape but find nothing.
>Just then my second in command comes riding out of the woods with the mage on the back of his horse.
>By this time the dullahan has reached the dwarf line.
>"castaspell!castaspell!castaspell!castaspell!castaspell!castaspell!" he keeps yelling.
>The mage says something and suddenly a second wizard appears out of lightning.
>He looks around then casts his spell and the storm around us gets even worse.
>It is getting really hard to see anything.
>Bright side the big dullahan is no longer holding his axe.
>I can work with this.
>I charge in the direction I think the dullahan is in based in his blue fire head, trying to keep my horse from slipping in this rocky wet terrain.

>>96868387
>>96869915
>Be Starbright
>The dullahan’s axe goes flying
>Holy Goddesses, the spell actually worked!
>Lightning suddenly hits a nearby trebuchet, sending burning splinters everywhere
>The horse gets impaled by a particularly large splinter and falls sideways onto a pile of large rocks
>Which means I also fall on the rocks with great force
UnconciousAndBrokenBones.exe

>Bee us
>Bettur orcs beecuz we is moar cunnin'
>Bettur humuns beecuz we ar mor brutal
>Not "haf orcs" beecuz we is mor than orc
>More than humun
>Thas why we speek bettur then ithur
>And thas why we ar the best at WAAAGH!
>Bee Gashrog
>Tha mersinary-boss of tha Black Toof Boyz
>Get in a good scrap with sum livin bonez and a metal fiur-headed git
>The Boyz ar havin a hapy time beatin the bonez
>Bitey is havin a hapy time eatin skulls
>I'm havin a hapy time stabbin bones with my stickur and my pokey helmit
>Skelies ignor my pokin but bitey krumps them for me
>Thas why I lov my bitey
>Hapytimes.slightlylesscrudecavepainting
>See the fiury git is krumpin all the boyz he fights
>Thasnothapy.slightlylesscrudecavepainting
>Sum new humun wizurd comes outta nowear and duz sum magic
>Storm starts gettin reel bad
>Thasnothapyatall.slightlylesscrudecavepainting
>See humun on his horsey chantin a rite good warchant
>The first humun wizurd is with him
>The Fiury git throws his choppur away and stops krumpin boyz so fast
>Musta ben the warchant
>Sum dorf seege enjun gets zapped by lightnin
>Wood spiks gose all ovur and boyz start dyin bad
>Zogthis.warpaint
>I figgur that me and the rest of tha boyz gotta krump that fiury git befor he gets his choppur back
>Bettur not forgit that magic warchant
>"Here we go boyz! CAZDASBELCAZDASBELCAZDASBELCAZDASBELCAZDASBEL!"

>Bez me
>Eadless Deff Knight Ead Taker
>Iz choppen alf blood gitz te bitz and stunties when I see de humie warboss
>Iz raize me axe an charge de get, den ear sum humie warchant an me axe goez flying frum me mits
notfair.undeadwarchant
>bah
>Don't matter none since Iz can juz sluggem good when he approches
>Iz raize me fists and get ready te puch de humie boss git off hiz horse as he charges

>>96869118
>>96869633
>>96869915
>>96870569
>Be Wicked Willy the Wizard
>A big old storm is brewing and everyone not already fighting is running for cover
>Hehehehe, now to look at what we're dealing with
>A horde of undead with a dullahan leading them is fighting the human-elf-dwarf-orc siege force in front of this obviously evil looking castle
>Interesting, but I think it could be more exciting
>Wave my hands and the skeletons aren't skeletons anymore
>Their flesh has re-knitted itself across them and now there's an army of naked men and women fighting the mercenary army
>they're still technically undead though, give it a day or two and all the flesh will start rotting off
>also turn a nearby mercenary into a fluffy chair and sit back and enjoy the show

>Be me
>"Sir" Kirk of the Coyotes
>Boss of a warband called The Coyotes
>Dubbed Sir as a mockery to all knights
>Rag tag group of berserkers, a pack of coyotes and a druid who want nothing more then to fight and pillage
>Heard about a castle run by someone with a black heart
>Sounds like my kinda person to sort out a contract with
>They live on the otherside of the Dark Woods
>Well have no fear lads, let's go
>We begin our long hike into the dark woods
>Slaying anything stupid enough to try and kill dudes who get sky high on shrooms and their pack of animals

>>96863677
>>96869643
>>96871125
>>96871350
>Be Horetta III, Lord Entilemen II’s Daughter-Wife, High Priestess of Non-Denominational Evil
>I am watching the battle unfold via my magic orb
>I note that Wicked Willy has arrived and is making the battle more unpredictable in his own special way
>Oh how exciting, who doesn’t love a wildcard?
>The refleshed skeletons are amusing, but won’t change the flow of the battle too much, the flesh is making the undead more durable, but also slower, which cancel each other out for the most part
>The storm is amazing though, I wish I had thought of that since the Evil Storm God is one of the ones I sacrifice to and may have helped out
>So many evil gods to keep track of
>Most of the besiegers are seeking shelter in the forest or the crevasses near the castle, while those who stay to fight are now badly outnumbered by... I am not sure what to call them... reflesh skeletons? naked zombies?
>Those who flee to the forest will find it now full of ghouls, werewolves, hags, evil fey, and powerful evil creatures like Pumpkin Man, Slenderman, and their respective followers
>Those who flee to the crevasses will find many of them filled with giant spiders, giant bats, lesser vampires, and ingenious traps
>I also spot a small war band of barbaric looking types approaching the battlefield
>Looks like Sir Kirk and the Coyotes, I have been meaning to recruit them for years
>I send the floating, decapitated head of an elf maiden to go see what they want in return for their temporary loyalty

>>96871125
>Be Dwarf Siege Engineer
>Our small kingdom is known for two things, finding new ways to blow things up, and accepting money to blow things up
>So naturally when someone wants to siege a castle, we get offered a large contract
>We spent the past few days lobbing rocks at the castle with good old fashion trebuchets and catapults since it is too wet to safely use cannons
>The castle is supernaturally durable, and I am pretty sure most of its occupants live in the dungeons beneath the castle and don’t care much if we wreck the surface portion anyways, but we get paid by the day on top of the victory bonus, so no need to point that out to the long-legs yet
>This big mob of skeletons is a problem though, if they break the siege that means no victory pay, just the per-day-pay
>Also the storm is becoming even more fierce
>Lightning hits my trebuchet
>Get knocked out and wake up face down in a puddle
>Look around
>Our position has been overrun by naked humans?
>Most of them carry rusty or crude weapons, and a few have badly deteriorated bits of armor
>A lot of them are fighting age human men, but some of them are women, and a few children and old ones too
>Also some orcs, goblins, elves, and even the occasional dwarf, hobbit, or gnome
>Their expressions range from vacant to crude caricatures of hate, focus, and cruel joy, almost like they forgot how their facial muscles work
>Zombies maybe, but if they are they are in pristine condition with no obvious fatal injuries. I suppose knowing the reputation of the castle’s occupants, they may have found a way to kill without leaving a mark, and then preserve the bodies for fetish-y reasons
>Where are all the skeletons then? Perhaps the naked people are the skeletons, but cloaked in some sort of illusion
>One way to find out if we are dealing with a living being, zombie, or illusion

>>96876596
(continued)
>I take my wrench and swing it hard into the dangly bits of the nearest naked human male, using enough force to tear a large piece off
>The individual seems unaffected, other than being knocked back by the impact
>It definitely feels no pain then
>I notice rotting flesh smeared on my wrench
>Not an illusion either, unless it is a really good one
>I swing again to shatter the thing’s knee joint, and then again to crush its skull, spraying rotting flesh everywhere, which seems to kill it
>A zombie then, albeit one that is cleaner, and slightly smarter and faster than usual
>I squint at my surroundings, trying to pierce the heavy rain
>There seems to be a lot of the naked zombies on the battlefield, and a lot less allied mercenaries than there should be
>No skeletons though, so I suppose that is something
>I ready my wrench, and grab my steel mallet in my other hand
>Time to kill some zombies

>>96870153
>>96870569
>>96871125
(1/3)
>Be Starbright Nobleheart, Apprentice Mage
>I wake on a pile of rocks, in a world full of pain
>The horse is dead, the officer is dead, my wand is missing, and I have a massive concussion, a broken arm, a twisted ankle, and a cracked rib
>The only good news is between the horse’s body and the pile of rocks, it is hard to see me as long as I stay lying down
>I can faintly hear some orcs chanting something that sounds a lot like “cast the spell”, but given how bad the rain and wind has gotten, they could be 60 feet away, or 600 feet
>Also there are an awful lot of naked people in the direction the chanting is coming from, I am not sure what their deal is, but I see some of them finishing off wounded mercenaries, or hacking away at ones that are clearly dead, so they certainly aren’t friendly
>The more I watch, the more unfriendly I realize the naked people are
>There is something strangely bestial about their behavior, it seems to take them a long time to make even the simplest decisions, but when they do they move quickly but jerkily. Most of them swing their weapons rapidly, but with little flourish or variation, like a woodcutter hacking at a tree. What little creativity they have seems to be limited to random acts of cruelty, I spot one eating the face off a badly wounded man seemingly just because she could, and another stabbing a wounded elf up her rear with a dagger as she tries to crawl to safety, when he could have easily dispatched her more swiftly by other means
>Also there are a few more naked people coming this way
>shitshitshitshit
>I roll closer to the horse, that way I can only be seen if someone is standing almost right next to me
>I don’t want to die! And I definitely don’t want to be tortured to death! This isn’t fair!
>Quick! Think of a plan!
>Playing dead clearly won’t work given they seem to be systematically hacking away at every body they come across

>>96877092
(2/3)
>Fighting won’t work either, my wand is nowhere to be seen, and my sword arm is broken, not that my sword fighting ability was any better than “beginner” to begin with
>Running away, not happening, between the wind, rain, and twisted ankle, even a slow walk will be pushing it
>Uhmm
>No! Bad brain! Think of something else! Anything else!
>I can’t think of anything else though, and the naked people are probably on the verge of spotting me
>Luckily I went commando today
>Without getting up, I painfully squirm free of my clothes, boots, and jewelry
>Then I get up on my knees, and start stabbing the dead horse at a steady, repetitive tempo with my dagger, trying to mimic how I saw the naked people rhythmically hack away at dead bodies
>The nearest naked person is even closer than I thought they were, and an eternity seems to pass as I wait to see if my hasty improvisation fouls them
>Shit, there is no way this is going to work, my dark skin will give me away, or they have some way of magically sensing their own since they clearly seem to be under some sort of magical control, or the glasses, shit, why didn’t I take off my glasses?
>I glance up and see the closest naked person is now almost directly in front of me
>Also he is a male, definitely a male
>I try to keep my head down and the pace of my dead-horse-stabbing steady as ice cold apprehension fills every inch of my body
>The naked man delivers five heavy blows to the dead horse with his rusty battleaxe, and another three to the dead officer
>And then wanders off like I am not even there
>Holy Goddesses! I can’t believe that actually worked!
>I spend about a minute stabbing the dead horse, trying to keep my overwhelming sense of relief from being displayed outwardly
>And then another minute trying to get my despair under control as I realize I am still in deep shit
>Stay calm, things aren’t that bad

>>96877102
(3/3)
>You are only stark naked in a freezing cold cyclone, surrounded by naked mind controlled sadistic freaks, injured, almost completely defenseless, limping badly, shivering uncontrollably, hopelessly disoriented, in a slippery, muddy, corpse filled field between a monster filled forest and a monster filled castle, with glasses so splattered with blood and rain they are making your vision worse rather than better, with a high chance that any allies you do stumble across will mistake you for the enemy and shot or stab you before you have a chance to clarify matters
>See, not bad at all
>I think I am starting to understand why so many people have been saying “fuck sieges” over the past few days
>I pick a random direction that seems to be heading away from the fighting and start limping towards it

>>96871350
>>96875257
>>96877114
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Hacking and slashing at everything still and laughing like a maniac
>God do I love being cruel
>We Coyotes enjoy the thrill of sadistic barbarity
>The Coyotes themselves are getting good meals from dead Mercenaries
>A floating head approaches me and begins to speak
>Its the familiar of the Lady of this Castle it seems
>Wants to recruit me
"Well for the loyalty of me and my men all we ask is for some gold and some maids to defile. Im sure you got some virgins who need breaking into"
>From the corner of my eye I spot a naked woman limping away from the battlefield
>Even under the blood I can see some dark skin on her
>How exotic
>Order one of my men to retrieve her
>I haven't had an exotic whore in ages not since the sacking of Wakali
>Probably left multiple bastards there with some of the locals

Rolled 46, 96, 84 = 226 (3d100)

>>96871125
>>96875257
>>96876596
>>96877092
>>96877171
>be Wicked Willy the Wizard
>Sorcerous trickster extraordinaire
>sitting on my fluffy former-mercenary chair and sipping some cocktail beverages served to me by one of the naked former-skeletons
>watching the battle unfold in the muddy downpour and zapping anyone who gets too close to ruining my view by turning them into a chicken
>there is now a sizable flock of chickens wandering across the battlefield
>suddenly notice that there's another magic user on the battlefield
>almost didn't notice her she's so far beneath my power level
>also she's naked for some reason
>I like her spirit! That's the kind of whimsy a magic user needs!
>Oh dear
>Looks like she's running from some smelly peasant
>That would be unfortunate, but if she wants to be my new apprentice she needs to show some initiative
>Wave my hands and transport her and the peasant to a pocket dimension
>If she can beat two of my three tests then she can escape!
>If not, well, whichever of the two is left standing gets to return to reality
>Meanwhile start opening a portal to the dungeon dimensions right in front of the castle walls, it's Halloween and nothing scary is happening yet
>Maybe I'll even get a fright from something I summon, tee hee

>>96877114
>>96877171
>>96877553
>Be Starbright
>”Hey girlie”
>I turn
>A brutish man covered in blood and animal furs approaches
>Strong rapist-cannibalism vibes
>I turn away, hopefully he was talking to one of the other women
>”Hey chocolate, the boss wants a taste”
>Nope, he is talking to me
>Shit, not good, either he sees through my disguise or he doesn’t care, either way his intentions seem less than honorable
>I start limping away as fast as I can
>And then suddenly I am in a giant bright white room with many brightly coloured boxes of various sizes
>The boxes start popping open, revealing jack-in-the-boxes that all resemble an old wizard
>”nice tits!” says the first
>”great ass!” says one behind me
>”peak a boo!” says a small one that pops open directly in front of me
>I am suddenly a lot more self conscious, particularly in the bright light
>”survive our challenges three and you will be free!” says a small all three jack-in-the-boxes in unison
>This is so not good

>>96870848
>>96871125
>>96876596
>Be merc Captain Jr.
>Be charging huge dullahan through the storm with my sword.

...

>Suddenly I'm on my back in the mud surrounded by naked humans and elves fighting my men.
WhatHappened.KO
>I sit up just in time for a head to get lobbed into my lap.
>For some reason the teeth are still chattering like it's alive even though it's just a head.
FuckingDarkMagic.Heresy
>I lop the dead at the nearest naked man and it bites his junk, the naked guy doesn't even look down or screech as it dangles there.
>Right, now that I'm thoroughly unsettled by these... things, I think it's time to form a shield wall.
>I pull out my horn and blow the signal to get the fusiliers to form up around my position.
>Hopefully any surviving ones can hear it though this storm and we can start putting down these flesh things in earnest.
>No idea where the dullahan went, I must've slayed him then blacked out.
YeaThatMakesSense.Gaslight

>>96877171
>>96877553
>>96878337
>>96878898
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Sent Uftar to go get that wench
>Watch as he and the wench get sucked into a portal that appeared
>smells like wizardry
>Hope the wench doesnt get killed where ever she went
>I've got a hunger
>I then hear a war horn
>Must be those mercs trying to do a formation
>Roar a berserker war cry and begin to rush further into the fray
>the pack of Coyotes yipping and barking joins my mens furious roars
>Find some of the Mercenaries and begin to commit savage violence against them
>Thank fuck I got high earlier makes it much more fun

>>96870569
>>96871125
>>96878898

>Bea Gashrog
>Storms stil bad but the boyz have started chantin too so its getin hapy again
>Mor chanturs probly makes the chant mor powurfel
>See that the fiury git is ridin away from tha boyz and twords our "imployur"
>Cleerly scayurd of the boyz chantin
>Imployur ridin his horse right twords the fiury git
>hes probly gunna get krumped
>Then he woodnt pay us as much
>Keep sum boyz behind to smash tha skellietons
>Take some of tha best boyz with me and bitey to chase aftur that fiury git befour he kils tha imployur
>"CAZDASBELCAZDASBELCAZDASBELCAZDASBELCAZDASBEL!"
Bodyhorrorfleshgrowth.bonetotem
>All tha boyz stop theyr chantin and chargin
>Chant wuz too powurfel
>Made the skellietons turn back into meat peepul
>Theyar stil fiten us too
Cunnin_processin.blankstare
>Skeleetons ar prety eesy to krump if you whack them rite in tha midile they expload inta peeces
>But meat peepul have meat holden theyr bones togethur, so yoo can only krump quick if yoo hit them reel hard
>So the Boyz are gonna get tired reel fast and start getin krumped by tha mob of meat peepul if I don't leave enuf behind
>and if we don't have enough Boyz inna mob tha fiury git is gunna krump the imployur
Wat_do.gitpost
>"Zog it"
>Have the Boyz hold the line while I ride after the firuy git on bitey
>Git duznt have his ax anymor so he shood probly be an eesy krump
>The fiury git punches the imployur rite off his horse as Im ridin up behind him
>I whack him as hard as I can rite as bitey tackles him off his skeleyhorse
>My sticker scrapes rite off his armur and bitey cant bite throo it
>Rigretin my desishuns

>Be me.
>Vampire Lord Entilement the Eye Eyend.
>I wake from my coffin fillled with dirt from my home land and walk to the window as a gargoyle hands me a glass of blood (goats blood)
>Thanks to a dark wizard I bribed this place is always storming so I don't need to worry about sunlight like some peasant vampire lords
>MFW it's good to be rich.
>Looking down I see a siege has broken out on my front lawn
Spittake.movingpicturebox
"Vhy vusnt I invormed of viss?"
>THe gargoyle looks up at me
>"Master, you told us to NEVER interrupt your... ummm "beauty rest" for any reason. Even if, and I'm quoting you here 'the castle is under siege.'"
>I kicked the incompetent gargoyle.
bonebreak.magicsoundbox
"Vine ven, order vhe gargoyles to take vlight and put an vnd to vis."
MFW I have to do everything myself.

>>96875257
>>96877171
>>96882365
>Be Horetta III, Lord Entilemen II’s Daughter-Wife, High Priestess of Non-Denominational Evil
>So the Coyotes just want some gold and virgins, huh
>Well the gold was kind of an obvious ask for mercenaries, and we are happy to pay well over the going rate given that so few people are willing to work with us due to various petty moral hang-ups
>Hypocrites all!
>Women also aren’t a problem, I was already planning on setting up the Coyotes in one of the north tower dungeon hospitality suites, which has its own dedicated sex dungeon, like all the dungeon suites
>Virgins might be a bit tricky though, although the Evil Slaver’s Guild usually delivers a few dozen top tier virgins from across the continent every month, we burn through them really fast
>I think there are only a few left in the pens
>I pick up my Staff of Virgin Detection and use it to sense any nearby virgins
>Aside from the ones in the pens, there is one stuck in the ventilation tunnel above the main orgy chamber, and a few more scattered across the battlefield
>Probably most of them are female elves
>Elves are pretty attractive if you into that sort of thing, and Sir Kirk didn’t specify, so I hope he likes elves
>I dispatch some succubi and vampires to round up some elves, and then send my flying head servant back to the battlefield to tell Sir Kirk we accept his terms
>Another floating head arrives and tells me by half-brother/husband has awaken
>Sigh, he will no doubt waste the castle’s forces on a bunch of ridiculous plans
>Luckily my own plans mostly rely on allies he doesn’t even realize we have
>In the meantime, I need to pick some clothing for the virgins I am rounding up for Sir Kirk
>I wonder if he is more of a lingerie man or a black leather man?
>Maybe I will just do with a mix of both until I get a better sense of what he likes, a good hostess is always flexible for her guests

>>96869643
>>96882991
>Be Princess Primrose
>I decide to press onwards through the tunnel, but unfortunately it gets tighter, to the point that my metal thong thing gets stuck
>I worm my way out of it, and keep crawling forward, it is too tight to turn around and retrieve the lost thong
>I see light up ahead and crawl quicker, I have had my fill of crawling at this point, even if it is safer in these vent tunnels than anywhere else
>Maybe I can steal some proper clothes once I am out of here
>I reach the grate in the floor of the tunnel and look down
>That is a really long drop, and a really, really hardcore orgy going on down there in the massive room below
>I think I will stay in the vent tunnels for now
>I keep crawling forward, blushing ferociously as I try to forget what I saw
>Damn Elf genes, I mean nymph genes
>Wait, did I just hear the grate move? It is way to high up for someone in the orgy room to reach easily
>The tunnel is still too narrow for me to turn around
>And then I hear some feminine giggling from behind me and I start blushing really hard
>”That is quite the view, you should share it more often”
>I ignore the taunting and crawl forward faster, what else can I do? Maybe getting into the tunnels wasn’t such a good idea
>I pass over another grate leading down to the orgy room, turn a tight corner, and then hit a dead end
>I hate sieges

>>96879447
>>96882991
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>In the midst of a berserk frenzy when the head returns
>The Lady of the castle accepts my terns
>Very happy about that
>It then floats back to its mistress
>Probably for the best, can't really talk I'm burying my axe in a very unfortunate sod
>So far we have only lost five guys, Uftar included
>Turns out breaking the morale of scattered Mercenaries is easy when its done by angry half naked men
>Watch as the pack of Coyotes leap on a man and rip him apart, yipping as they do so
>I love my pets, so glad I named my warband after them

>>96879447
>>96882365
>>96883442
>Be mercenary Captain Jr.
>My men manage to form a phalanx around me and blast apart the nude weird people.
>Just then a horde of coyotes lead by a savage in furs throws himself against the shields.
>My men try holding him off but it's really hard when you have coyotes bitting your ankles and are still dealing with zombies.
couldthisgetanyworse.kharma
>Finally a bunch of gargoyles flying down and snatching my men to drop them.
>Thankfully finally soem good news as one of the walls of the castle gives way under the bombardment that's been going on this whole time.
>I blow the horn again in the code to order everyone to charge into the breach.
>At least in the castle we can't get flanked as easily and can force these creatures into choke points and bottlenecks while we fight our way through to actually accomplish our goal.

>>96883180
>Be Princess Primrose
>I feel a gentle kiss on my haunches, and then I feel something hot and seductive burrow into my mind
>All sorts of lurid, erotic images start entering my mind
>No!
>I am a strong, proud warrior, I am a strong, proud warrior, I am a strong...
>You are a slut, a whore, a breeding cow, an elf...
>I can see my opponent in my mind now, a shapely succubus, sifting through my thoughts and memories, twisting the pure ones, and bringing the impure ones to the front of my mind
>It finds the locked chest labelled “repressed desires”
>No wait, don’t open that!
>An intense need for pleasure, need to breed, need to be dominated overwhelms the sane part of my conciousness and locks it in a tiny cage
>The unhinged version of me takes control of my body
DominatePerson.exe
AlignmentShift.exe
MindBreak.exe

>>96884405
>Be Daxia the Succubus
>I grab a hold of the now mindbroken elf, teleport us to the suite of rooms set aside for the Coyotes, and tie her to a bed, as per Horetta’s instructions
>Pretty much all the other female virgins that Horetta identified are already here, some captured by me and my sisters, but most captured by Wixen and her vampires
>That is unfortunate
>Among the many depraved souls who dwell within this castle and nearby lands, there are several factions competing for souls
>I have convinced and tricked many to forfeit their souls, and often their sanity, to the Succubus Queen, sometimes in return for power, but usually just in return for fleeting pleasure, and countless more have been sacrificed to my Dark Queen in debased rituals by those I have corrupted
>But the vampires remain dominant thanks to the powers vampirehood grants, and the patronage of Entilement the Eye Eyend. The vampires care not for what happens to the souls of those they drain, and even I am not sure who claims the soul of a vampire upon death, perhaps no one.
>Such a waste
>If only I could perhaps fully bring Horetta under my sway, but she remains remarkably resilient to my charms despite her insanity, perhaps because so many other dark powers are competing for her soul
>For some time now, I have realized the only way to bring Horetta into the fold is a good old fashion Faustian Pact, but for that I need to have something that she wants, and she is quite content with her current status in life
>But this siege brings opportunities, if Horetta fears defeat enough I may be able to get her to sign a pact in return for demonic powers or soldiers to turn the tide of battle. She won’t sign away her soul, but I could put all sorts of conditions in the Pact that essentially make her my servant, and enough hidden clauses that I will probably end up with her soul anyways
>I get a telepathic message from one of my Sisters that the castle has finally been breached

>>96884566
>Perfect timing, I was just about to teleport to Horetta’s chambers to update her on the status of our virgin hunt
>I will be sure to offer the assistance of the Succubus Queen when I meet her. For a price obviously

>>96878337
>>96884575
>Be Vaxilla the Succubus
>Daxia says enough female virgins have been rounded up and tells us to stand down and await further instruction
>Well that is boring
>I was just about to go after the last virgin on my list
>A young, naive mage from soft, safe lands far from here
>And with such strong emotions too, currently fear burns within her psyche like an inferno
>The one problem is she is currently within a pocket dimension controlled by a powerful but insane wizard, so I have to be careful not to do anything that will draw the wizard’s ire
>I drift through the ethereal plane, assessing the situation in the pocket dimension
>It looks like two individuals, including the target, have been trapped in there, awaiting tests from the mad wizard
>It seems they have been there for quite some time, perhaps the wizard is keeping them waiting in order to build up fear, or maybe he already forgot he put them there and has now moved onto other things
>Hmmm, perhaps I will introduce some tests of my own while they wait
>I send waves of lust into the minds of the pair trapped in the pocket dimension, and then start weaving life-like illusions from the images the lust conjures in their minds
>Teeheehee, this is going to be so much fun!

>>96882991
>>96884144
>>96884575
>Be Horetta III, Lord Entilemen II’s Daughter-Wife, High Priestess of Non-Denominational Evil
>Currently watching the fools who fled into the forest to escape the cyclone get hunted down one by one by the monsters dwelling within
>I get informed that the castle has been breached
>Finally!
>This whole siege business was getting kind of boring
>Most sections of the castle are magically reinforced to withstand damage, but a few small sections were magically weakened instead
>However, entering the castle via one of those breaches leads one into a complex maze of traps, illusions, kill boxes, and highly defensible positions
>Also it is pitch black in there, and filled with evil spirits and fairies trained to extinguish torches at just the worse moments
>I relax in my chair, ponder my magic orb, and wonder which wandering group of would be invaders will be the most entertaining to watch
>That stupid bitch Daxia the Succubus shows up and offers the services of the Succubus Queen to help defend the castle
>As if!
>They are right where I want them
>And no doubt Daxia will try to negotiate a high price for that aid
>I am pretty happy with my current contract with the Succubus Queen thank you very much
>Which includes complete dominance of Daxia and her sisters, something Daxia seems to forget from time to time
>I order Daxia to disrobe and give my feet a tongue bath
>And also tell her sisters to corrupt some of the more able of my opponents
>It is so good to be me!

>>96875257
>>96876596
>>96884144
>>96884738
>Be Dwarf Siege Engineer
>I smash my wrench into the skull of a naked dwarf zombie lass
>Well that was a waste, she was a looker
>There doesn’t seem to be many other naked zombies around my immediate vicinity though
>The storm is getting worse though, the clouds have blocked the moon, and almost all the torches, lanterns, and burning debris have been extinguished by rain
>Dwarves can see in the dark, but no idea how the long legs are seeing anything
>I hear horns blowing
>Someone has finally breached the castle
>I don’t think it will be anymore pleasant in there than out here, but at least I will be out of the durned rain, and that is where everyone else is heading anyways
>I fight my way through a bunch of naked zombies, fend off a gargoyle, slam a human thug in a coyote pelt in the nads, squish a few giant spiders, and evade a “lesser vampire” in order to rejoin the main mob of mercenaries
>There is a lot fewer of us than there was a few hours ago, I am starting to wonder if I will live to see that victory bonus
>But if I do, it should be quite the bonus given it is split equally between an ever diminishing group of survivors
>And if not, I honor my ancestors by slaying a bunch of zombies, monsters, and other evil beings
>I immediately sense something is wrong as I enter the breach
>There are patches of darkness even my dwarven eyes can’t penetrate, and as we pass through them, I realize our group is getting smaller, probably because the darkness is hiding the mouths of multiple hidden passages and each time our group charges through a dark patch, we get further split up
>And then the walls start moving, rearranging themselves brick by brick
>It looks like we got ourselves a good old fashion dungeon death trap
>It has been a while since I have done one of these

>>96883442
>>96884144
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Continuing my butchery of mercs when another horn is blown
>And a castle wall crumbles under a siege engines work
>The Mercs not locked up by my berserkers and Coyotes begin to storm the breach
>I catch a glimpse of their captain
>What a gallant young man, much shorter then I
>See over head that some of the winged protectors of the castle have joined the fray
>Roar in rage as I hack apart a foe
>Thankfully our contract with the Lady of the castle has us protected from the various ghouls she uses
>Yell over to One Eyed Baleon our druid
"CUT THEM OFF!"
>Baleon begins his spell, cutting his hands on a piece of mistletoe
>Casting the spell Wall of Thorns to make it harder for the mercs to enter the breach
>They'll have to contend with thorns, our assault and the castle defenders who have been given time to counter the charge
>Bursting forth from the ground emerges a wall of bloody thorns which scream as the wall forms
>Let's see the gallant lad get through that
>I'll use his skull as a drinking cup should he prove himself

>>96884405
>>96885334
>Be Elf Bladesinger
>I am no longer able to sense the Princess with my magic
>I guess that means I am in charge of the surviving elves now
>Oh well, I never liked her anyways
>And I have more important things to worry about
>Like trying to break into the castle before we are completely overrun by naked zombies, and more powerful opponents like gargoyles and those barbarian humans
>We have finally breached a section of wall, but now an enemy Druid has filled it with thorny vines
>And large groups of cultists, evil mercenaries, naked zombies, and a few vampires, devils, and demons have appeared on nearby towers and wall tops to bombard our forces with arrows, magic, and other projectiles
>This is not good, we are pinned and need cover
>Maybe if we slay the enemy Druid the vines will disperse
>I grab some warriors and head in that direction

>>96885334
>>96886310
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>The wall has worked
>Though some already got in before the wall was summoned
>No matter the rest are in a pincer and the castle defenders have rallied a counter
>Laugh like a jackal as I anticipate getting one step closer to the captain
>The wall is good for ten minutes provided Baleon keeps concentration
>Thankfully hes protected by my half brother "Sir" Stannis the small
>A giant of a man much taller then I
>Hes also protected by his own pack of coyotes much larger then the standard ones that join me and my men in charges
>Apparently Baleon managed to crossbreed them with wolves during some time up north
>Calls them coywolves, sometimes calls them wolfotes
>Adorable scamps

>>96878337
>>96878337
>>96884651
>Be Starbright
>My crippling fear is now being mixed with anxiety and even mild annoyance
>Just hurry up and do whatever it is you are going to do to me, I feel like saying, but that seems like tempting fate
>It seems like I have been waiting here forever in this pocket dimension
>Suddenly it gets a lot warmer and erotic thoughts fill my mind
>I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the “first test” is something like this
>There is a powerful mad mage who lives in a dungeon near my hometown who is also notorious horny
>Illusionary versions of my past crushes, flings, and sexual fantasies start appearing in the pocket dimension around me
>Beings of all species, races, genders, and body types obviously, as per my upbringing in Dreamwoke
>I wonder what I need to do to past the test
>Resist temptation? Succumb to it? Fight the illusions? I have no idea what the mad mage is going to decide is the right option
>I opt for fight
>If nothing else, I hope working up some rage will distract my brain from all the erotic thoughts being pushed into it
>In the end, the best I can do is a mix of brittle spite and hysteria, but it is enough to stay focused
>I take a heavy cane from one of the illusions and start using it to bludgeon the rest into submission
>Not an easy thing to do with a broken arm, cracked ribs, a twisted ankle, and a concussion, but luckily the illusions don’t fight back and eventually they fade away
>Haha! I just passed the first test, I think

>>96885334
>>96886310
>Be Elf Cultist of the Succubus Queen
>My cult makes sacrifices to the Queen for many different boons, which most of my fellow cultists are too weak to take much advantage of
>I on the other hand, was a ranger with decades of experience, prior to succumbing to the Elvish Curse with particular intensity
>As a result I am an officer of sorts, commanding cultists, evil mercenaries, and skeletons (who have now regained their flesh for some reason) along this section of wall
>But I could be so much more, perhaps head of the castle garrison or co-leader of the local cult, if I just get more chances to prove myself
>Just imagine what pleasures I would have access to with such a high status
>I smile just thinking about it, and then remember my place and whip my subordinates to fire their bows and rifles faster
>Down below I see that a human captain and an elf bladesinger seem to be the ones leading the enemy defense
>The elf bladesinger already seems to be charging opponents she is outclassed by, so I decide to go after the human captain instead
>I leap nimbly from the walls and land near the human captain, attacking with both sabers even before I touch the ground
>Glory, power, and infinite pleasure will be mine!

>>96877553
>>96880494
>>96884651
>>96884738
>>96885319
>>96885334
>>96886479
>Be Wicked Willy the Wizard
>wake up from my nap
>my nap? Did I really fall asleep? This fluffy chair must be too comfy
>I ask the chair if I fell asleep
>the chair wiggles a little. Oh yes, It's still sentient. Surprised it hasn't tried to run off yet. Think I'll keep this one.
>Anyway. Check the state of the battlefield
>The mercenaries have breached the castle and are currently getting trapped by the dark magics of the owners. Tough gig.
>Also forgot to finish the dungeon dimensions spell, I'll finish it later
>Check up on my new apprentice
>She's currently beating the illusions with a cane
>Good girl!
>First test passed!
>Though waitaminute...
>The other guy is currently humping something and most of these illusions are naked and horny
>That's not part of the test
>That's not even part of the pocket dimension
>What in the Yog-Sothoth's eye is going on here?
>Cast a spell
>A succubus has snuck in and woven her own spell
>Oh no you don't
>Bitch!
>Kick her out and cast an aging hex on her
>Try seducing people when you look like a grandma, bitch!
>Get up off my chair
>Wave my hands and dissipate the wave of darkness on the mercenaries sieging the castle
>Fuck it, I'm helping out the mercs
>Also give a riddle for my would be apprentice to solve:
Alive without breath, as cold as death, never thirsty, ever drinking, all in mail never clinking. What is it?

>>96886310
>>96886393
>Be Elf Bladesinger
>Aside from the naked zombies that are everywhere on the battlefield, the enemy Druid is protected by some large coyotes and a massive human who looks like he also may have some ogre or giant blood in him, carrying a hammer even bigger than he is
>I use a spell to teleport right next to the giant barbarian and stab him in the groin and slash his leg deeply as I rush by and charge the Druid
>To my surprise, something grabs my hair and jerks me backwards
>I turn, cut my hair free of the giant's grasp, and sidestep a hammer swing, then try to lop off a hand, but miss and cut his forearm instead
>The giant barbarian is surprisingly fast and durable and seems to feel no pain
>Perhaps it is some form of undead, though it clearly bleeds
>Or it is boasted by magic or the favor of some savage primal god
>I stay low so that his hammer swings also threaten his pet coyotes and use my speed and teleportation spells to stay behind or beside him more often than not
>It takes almost half a minute to take him down with a dozen deep slashes, repeated slabs to the groin, two punctured kidneys, and a severed hamstring
>During which time I also had to slay a number of naked zombies and wound a few coyotes who tried to take advantage of my distraction
>I take a second to regain my composure, then charge the Druid, who still seems focused on maintaining the vine barrier

>>96886393
>>96887128
>Be Stannis the Small
>Kirk's younger half brother
>Protecting Baleon when an elf teleports in to attack him
>I try to stop her but I fail and I am badly injured practically dead
>Sorry big brother
>She's killed my pets
>She's charging Baleon
>Let out a roar of rage and force myself up
>Though I can't even with my wrath

>Be One Eyed Baleon
>Even as Stannis the Small roared I still keep concentration
>Though I fear I'll have to drop it
>Drop the vine wall and open my eye to see the elf coming right for me
>Twin swords are her weapon of choice
>Very well
>I rise up calmly, then I roar out and charge at her
>Activate cantrip primal savagery
>Slash at her with my extended finger nails
>Land a strike on her with my nails then attempt to grab her in order to pull a back breaker
>Despite being a druid I do enjoy wrestling, its something me and Stannis did alot together
>Im practically that man and Kirk's adoptive grandfather
>Still well built for my age as well

>>96886479
>>96886696
(1/2)
>Be Starbright
>My brief flicker of joy at passing the first test quickly disappears once I find out the second test is a riddle
>Oh geez, I am terrible at riddles
>I try sitting on one of the colorful boxes to take pressure off my twisted ankle and try taking deep breaths to control my rapidly increasing anxiety
>The box suddenly pops open, causing me to fall face-first into the ground
“Nice butt, also, twenty-nine seconds left, twenty-eight, twenty-seven.....”
>Gods damn pervert jack-in-the-boxes
>Being suddenly thrown onto my hands and knees really hurt my broken arm, and my glasses skid away somewhere, but I barely notice as my anxiety reaches record levels
>Uh, the first two sound like some of undead, or maybe a demon or devil?
>And did he say “never thirsty ever drinking?” or “ever thirsty never drinking?” or “ever thirsty ever drinking?”
>Uhm, vampire maybe, or perhaps a succubus
>Is this a test of my knowledge of evil creatures, or a riddle? Usually riddles have some sort of trick or word play, but I suck at those since I take most things literally
>And what is up with the “mail” question, does he mean armor mail or paper mail, and can you be “all in” paper mail?
>And can mail be silent? Maybe with some sort of spell, or a lot of oil or some special coating, especially if it is that decorative sort of mail worn by succubi, certain female blademages and barbarians, and reckless female adventurers, what do they call it again? Chainmail bikinis?
MentalAndActualScreamsOfFrustration.exe
>I try searching my memories for some sort of clue, but they are still full of lewd images from the last test
>Or maybe this is part of the same test, and the answer is in the lewd memories somewhere
“...ten, nine, eight....”
MoreMentalAndActualScreamsOfFrustrationAlsoSobbing.exe

>>96887626
(2/2)
>A memory floats into my mind, a lewd pencil sketch of a woman in a chainmail bikini an artist friend once loaned me for “inspiration”
>It looked like an attractive human woman, but wasn’t supposed to be, it was meant to be something evil, a vampire or a succubus or something like that
>Shitshitshit, vampire or succubus? I can’t remember, but given the earlier clues...
“three...two...one”
“A vampire in a chainmail bikini!”

>>96887128
>>96887245
>Be Elf Bladesinger
>I am about to use a spell to teleport right next to the Druid, but then he gets up and unleashes a supernaturally deep roar that shatters my concentration
>In the half second it takes to regain my composure he changes his fingers into claws and rushes at me with inhuman speed
>I instinctively bring one arm up to protect my face a split second before he is able to tear it off with a raking swipe
>His claws cut through my elbow length glove and score the flesh
>It hurts far more than it should and my main sword goes flying as my muscles spasm
>He grabs my wounded forearm with one hand, twists his body to evade the sword thrust from my other arm, then uses his other claw to grab my thigh and hoist me up into the air
>I teleport away just before he can slam me down on his knee, but end up slamming hard into the ground instead
>I crack my head hard on the ground, and a quick glance at my forearm confirms it is sizzling with some sort of acid, but I leap back up and assume a defensive pose
>Although I teleported some distance away, but I know he can move fast, and there are plenty of other things on this battlefield that want me dead
>The Druid is over a hundred feet away, but spots me fast and charges me again
>I sure hope this is distracting him from maintaining the vine barrier, it is rare for me to have to fight someone faster than I am, and who knows what other primal magic tricks he has up his sleeve
>I whisper a spell that causes my sword to glow light blue, and briefly test it out on a female naked zombie that was trying to sneak up on my left
>The blade cuts through flesh like a hot knife through butter, and the zombie’s head falls free despite the lazy flick of sword swing I had employed
>The Druid howls again as he charges in, but this time I am prepared for it and begin my own charge against him
>Let’s do this you furry fuck

>>96880494
>Be Gashrog
>Not ded yet
>but this fiury livin-ded git is tryin prety hard
>I hav got off bitey and I hav him keepin the flesh peepul off me while I fite tha fiuryy git
>"And krump that skeliehorse wiule yur at it!"
>Tha fiury git seems to like his fists mor than any of the rusty flesh peepul wepuns around us
>Good for me, sinse it meens I can poke him with my sticka while he cant hit me
>And I already move fasta with my liter armur, his rottun joints, and big lumberin size
>If I get closur, I could aim for the bitz of chainmail in the craks of his humun-lookin plate armor to poke him in the meat
>but then he'd grab me with his big mitts
>Im strong enuf to brayk his grip but I dont want him slowin me down
obviouslie.coldsweat
>While bitey duz his work in murderin the fiury gits dumb horse I stay bitween him and bitey and keep pokin him enuf to keep his atenshun
>Let him get close a few times befor dodgin away to make him think hes gunna get a chanse to pop my head off with his hands
>Works prety well, think im anoyin him to much for him to think about doin anythin but krump me
>Bitey is havin some truble managin the hoard of meat peeupl
>Fiury git surprizes me and lurches at me in a full tackul
>I despuratlee drop to the left, but his body stil lands on my lowur rite leg
ouch.bloodypulp
>I drop my shield, call bitey over and wrap my left arm onto his saddle while stickin and kickin fiury git's side to get my leg lose
>Fiury git wises up and wen I try to poke him he grabs my sticker in his fist befor rippin it outta my hands, then starts shiften over to propurly grab my leg
timetogo.redwarpainttorunawayfasta
>I wrap my rite arm onto biteys saddle and scream at him to get goin before fiury git sticks me with my own sticka or pops my head off and puts it on his stump
>The sound of legs rippin off is somethin Im used to, but the pain isnt
>It hurts pretty bad
ouch.bloodystump

>Be Elf Soldier
>I haven’t seen much actual combat yet tonight, if the Princess was right about one thing, we shouldn’t be wasting our time fighting on behalf of lesser races like humans
>Particular not ones from a nation that we have been at war with many times
>Sure, the Entilement family has been responsible for a number of particularly egregious crimes against our kind over the past few decades, but many of those unfortunate elves were weaklings who succumbed to their own degenerate need to be dominated
>Our bloodline is better of without them
>So instead of fighting, I always find a way to stay near the middle of the mob of human mercenaries, safe behind plentiful meat shields
>And if things start going poorly, I will use my superior Elven agility and night vision to escape back to my kingdom via the Evil Forest
>I take a break from monitoring the tides of battle to admire how our new uniforms display the natural beauty of the Elven form
>Although some complain about the lack of protection, others like myself know that speed and superior technique is all a true Elven warrior needs. If you are slow enough you need a shield and armor to help soak up blows you can parry or evade, than you won’t last long on the front lines anyways
>A crossbow bolt pierces my chest, and then another
>What?! no fair, when did they get crossbows?
>I don’t feel so good

>>96887245
>>96889019
>Be One Eyed Baleon
>As I'm about to pull off the back breaker the elf teleports away
>She slams against the ground hard
>Whilst she is very far away from me I begin to rush towards her
>She's cast a spell on her blade
>If I had to guess, its magical weapon to temporarily make it magical
>Halt my charge a bit and bring out a piece of obsidian
>Slash my hand with it then smack it to the ground
>Casting erupting earth 5 feet ahead of the Elf
>Disrupting the earth in a 20ft cube
>The ground churns and stones erupt out from underneath her
>Hopefully this should buy some time and weaken her some more
>I await her next move with anticipation

Rolled 1 (1d6)

>>96889083
>bee hurtin
>Stil also bee Gashrog
>scramble up onto biteys sadul while gettin away from the fiury git
>Evrythin below my knee is gone on my rite leg and Im losin sum blood, but its probly fine
ignorance.medicaltreatise
>Therz stil meat peepul all over but most of them are ithur mobbed up with the fiury git behind me or on the army neer the casle wals so bitey and me hav room too take a brayk and patch up my leg befor findin the Boyz and sum mor ackshun
(Gashrog will bleed out with anything less than a roll of a 6 on a d6 with varying longevity depending on the save and my interpretation of the passage of time)
>Even if I coodnt hurt tha git and neerly got killd by him, the imployur didnt get krumped by the fiury git so its not to bad that I lost
>Dont know wats hapenin to the Black tooth boyz
>thot I herd the horn for a breachin atack so they shuda got in a mob with the rest of the army
>The company's banerbearur knows the signals better than I do and shud take them were they need two go too
>Still dont know how to get past all the gits between me an them
>thers meat peepul, flyin things, and sum humuns with sum dogs that I think ar enimees
>The banerbearer shood keep the Boyz in ordur and fiten good til I get back
>hes one of the mor usful boyz, he handuls the negosheeayshuns and finanses too
>But Im still not used to his way of talkin

>>96889019
>>96889477
>Be Elf Bladesinger
>The Druid casts “erupting earth” on the soil beneath me, but I have seen this particular spell cast before and teleport the second I realize what is happening
>A couple of handfuls of dirt and gravel manage to slam hard into the space between my legs from below prior to the teleportation occurring
>Luckily I am high ranking enough to pick my own uniform (as long as it was at least moderately revealing as per the Queen’s edicts), so I wear tight pants instead of the tiny metal thong that most common soldiers and low ranked officers wear
>A dirt enema would have made this fight a lot less enjoyable
>I realize the Druid is directly in front of me somehow,, so I should focus on the task at hand
>The Druid wisely evades my sword slashes rather than try and block them, but that is more effort and risk for him than me
>I realize I might have the upper hand and press on
>Then I trip on something I later realize is the handle of the big hammer the giant barbarian was wielding
>Off balance, I stumble forward into grappling distance of the Druid, but manage to stab my sword straight through his liver and out his back
>The sword’s enchantment should have allowed me to slice him in half with two quick flicks of the wrist, but instead the blade’s magic fails, several minutes early, and the sword remains lodged in place, trapped by thick muscle
>I try to teleport again, but that also fails
>Fuck

>>96884738
>>96885319
>>96885334
>Be Mercenary Captain Jr.
>Me and my mercs successfully enter the evil castle along side some dwarf siege engineers.
>As soon as we enter I notice something is very wrong, it's dark. Like REALLY dark. Like not like it should be dark, more like someone removed all the light.
thisisn'tyouraverageeverydaydarknessthisisadvanceddarkness.scroll
>Before we can turn back the way is sealed by a wall of thorns.
>Then the walls start to move.
>Its like someone is moving the room we're in through the castle's interior to another spot.
>After being jostled around in the dark room for a while the wall in front of us cracks open and the whole room tilts forward.
>We're dumped into a dungeon with a singe torch light and I suddenly hear someone slow clapping from one of the shadows outside the cell.

>>96889477
>>96892359
>Be One Eyed Baleon
>The Elf evaded most of my erupting earth
>She gets close with a teleport and slashes at me
>I dodge these attacks for a while as she has the upper hand
>Should have been trying to counter when possible
>She trips over Stannis' hammer
>Stabbing me the liver as she falls
>Hurts like fuck and I need that for ale
>Its stuck in me thanks to my muscles
>She goes for the teleport but it fails
>So I clap back
>Using the full force of my left leg I sweep her and then with both hands raised like a hammer smack her full force
>Right in her chest and putting her smack on the ground
>I then get on top of her and grab her head
"Twas a good fight elfy, hope you like being a bride for a night"
>I then slam her head against the ground to knock her out cold
>To make sure she stays that way I take some rope to bind her legs, hands and arms
>I then place a blind fold and mouth fold over her, putting some mistletoe in them to keep her shut
>The wall of thorns has fallen
>Kirk and the others are moving into the castle to attack the enemy
>Look over to Stannis
>More young lad
>Go to his body, a coywolf of his is whimpering at the loss of Stannis and his pack
"Fare not, Stannis shall return to your pack when this siege is over"
>Begin to clean Stannis up, I'll cast true resurrection later but seeing as it takes an hour to cast I can't do it here
>Once hes cleaned I stand over his body and tend to myself
>Hope Kirk and the others kill those Mercenaries soon

>>96880494
>>96889083
>>96889722
>Be Eadkess Deff Knight Eadtaker
>Be standen ovar da legless skrawney alf orc git dat put up a good foight az he bleedz out
sigh.zog
>I git down on one knee
"Kid, youz got spirit, an me boss ez looken fur strong souls like youz fur when he doez hez gran undead WAAAGH against all da fleshy gitz in da wurld."
>I pull out a peace of elf skin with writing on it
"Dizz don need te be da end fur ya. If yuz want a future of fighten fleshy gitz furever, just bleed on da dotted line here."

>>96886696
>>96887626
>Be Wicked Willy the Illusion
>Tormenting this stupid nude girl because the boss wants her as an apprentice
>Don't even know why, she looks like a stiff wind would kill her
>Fart in her direction
>She's still standing. Guess she's not as weak as I thought. That one was a stinker.
>Tears are streaming down her face as Bob counts down the timer
>Come on you dumb skank, you never read the Hobbit?
>Bob finishes the countdown
>She's shaking so hard I think she's going to faint
>Moment of silence, broken by another fart
“A vampire in a chainmail bikini!”
>Flabbergasted
>A vampire in a chainmail bikini?
>A vampire? Never thirsty?
>I'm pretty sure they do breathe too
>And what kind of chainmail bikini never clinks?
>Bob says the ones with only one ring over each bit
>ohhhhhh
>I like those ones
>About to give her the thumbs up when Bob slaps me in the back of the head and says she fails
>Oh yeah. The answer was a fish.
FAILBUZZER.mp3
>NEXT TEST! The Final one! She fails this and she has to fight the dude in the other room who's been humping every surface he can get his hands on.
>Check the bosses instructions
"Do some cool magic stuff or make a flattering statue of me. Or both! Or something that impresses me!"
>A gigantic block of marble and carving tools appear
>Also a cauldron with a shelf of ingredients and a bunch of other magic stuff I'm never allowed to touch
>No fair

>>96889083
>>96889722
>>96892360
>>96892509
>Be Wicked Willy the Wizard
>Storming into the middle of the fight, sending orcs and mercenaries alike flying as they get in my way
>Turn a few into rabbits for fun too, the spell will wear off in an hour if they don't get squished
>The guys sieging the castle are struggling, speak a word and give all their gear a tier upgrade
>Meanwhile come across an Elf and a smelly forest wizard fighting, I think the politically correct term these days is "druid"
>Walk up to the Druid after he defeats the mostly naked elf
>Pull out a gold ingot from benath my robe and hand it to him
youworkformenow.jpg
>Get me the dwarves. Alive! And able to work. Or I'll curse you with some real magic.
>Wander off without waiting for his reply, time to look for the leader of this motley siege crew. Don't even bother with the dungeon maze, just punch my way through the walls.

>>96892509
>>96893742
>Be One Eyed Baleon
>Finished tending myself
>Smeared holy water and turned a holy wheel in order to cast regenerate on myself stitching up my wounds
>Nice elven sword will go for some dosh
>A wizard approaches me
>Wait isn't that the wizard of the castle
>Tells me I work for him now and that he wants some dwarves alive or he'll use real magic
>He walks away before I can tell him I'm with the Coyotes warband
>Leave the last Coywolf to guard Stannis and the bound elf and then go rejoin my warband
>Find Kirk in the midst of slaughter
"Kirk my boy we need to capture some of the dwarves dont murder them all, might be difficult with the castles magic but the castles wizard gave me some gold so we might get more. Also Stannis is currently dead"

>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Listening to Baleon recounting what's going on
"Alright we'll try, hopefully we wipe the rest out and get ourselves the reward from the owners of the castle. I definitely need to kick back after this"
>Order my men to capture dwarves don't hurt them too much if they can help themselves
>Thankfully coyotes fighting alongside my men should be good to disable Dwarf combatants

>>96892642
beGashrog.greentext
notmoving.hemorrhagicshock
notthinking.cerebralhypoxia
elfskinmoves.stormwinds
'signature'.landsinrightstumpbloodpuddle
death.exsanguination

>>96892360
>Be Vampire Lord Entilement the Eye Eyend.
>Slowclap as I step out of the shadows.
"Voolish vercenaries, you vought you could take on the incedeblvee intelligent Entilement bloodline by yourselves?"
count_laugh.magicsoundbox
"You utter vools!"
"Vow vith vhe harvest voon alvost at its veak, and all vhe blood sacrifices outside, I can bevin my ritual to ascend to godhood."
"Everything vhat has happened till now has all been apart of vy cunning plan!"
"Vow does it veel to be outwitted by your vetters?"
>MFW

>>96892360
>>96893742
>>96889722

>Be Steve
>Bannerman/Banker/Negotiator/Thinker/Vice Mercenary Boss/Handler of the Black Tooth Boys
>Raised by humans, so I actually speak and reason decently well
>Most half-orcs are just left in the forest to die to exposure or wolves. Sometimes an orc tribe will find and decide to raise them, though they're only seen as runts to bully or haze. If they're born lucky, they're dropped down a well and are spared the life of an outcast.
>Being a race of unwanted children leaves us as a dark reminder of the crimes of others to most decent people, and their hatred and paranoia never let us forget that.
>Despite that, my mother tried her best to love me. She taught me, cared and comforted me as she would any human child. Her goodness earned her nothing but the town's scorn, and her life went to hell because of it. Because of me. When she wasn't offered any work, she would have sold everything she had for me, if the others would take it. They stole everything instead, called it mercy. When she took to the bottle, her regrets and resentments ran free. She never hurt me because of my blood, even though part of her wanted to fix her mistake. She got close. Very close.
>I never wanted to kill her. I had grown quickly, didn't know my own strength. It left me with no option but to run from town and find a place where I wouldn't trouble anyone. Maybe it was the only option I ever had, if I had been a better son, just cared enough for her.
>Even if they share my blood, it's always been a one-sided relationship with the guys in the company. I don't think they can understand their emotions as anything other than a compulsion to act on, and I don't think they'll ever truly grow past their childhood of single-minded survival. I envy them. I envy those that drowned in the well.
>"heh, Keep your heads on your shoulders boys!" I wisecrack as I waggle a barbarian's head by his plume
Ilovemyjob.chuckle

>>96884738
>However, entering the castle via one of those breaches leads one into a complex maze of traps, illusions, kill boxes, and highly defensible positions
Halloween themed death dungeon, more people should do this

++From the Diary of Jessiebell Goldenlocks, final pages++
(1/8)
>Be Jessiebell Goldenlocks, Hobbit Cook
>I decided to explore the world by being a travelling cook, but there isn’t many places willing to hire a young cook, even a hobbit cook despite our reputation as natural cooks
>I eventually get a job in a shitty castle filled with inbred weirdos, but after only two days on the job I find out I have been conscripted for a siege against a big spooky castle in the middle of an evil forest
>Assholes, the head cook probably only hired me so one less of his buddies would be forced to join the campaign
>The siege itself sucked, it was always raining, and people were always complaining to me about moldy food, no matter how many times I tell them I am not in charge of procuring, preserving, or storing the food, just cooking it
>When the actual fight started, we got our butts kicked, also a massive storm broke out
>The quartermaster told everyone to stay in the middle of the soldier formation for safety, but I was a little too keen to get inside out of the rain, and ended up being in one of the first groups to enter the breach
>It was very dark at first, even magic lights couldn’t penetrate, but eventually I ended up in a hallway with 45 other people
>No one knew where the captain and the men with him were, despite them going in just ahead of us
>Eventually someone realized that the magic darkness hid at least two different passageways, and we went down a different one from the captain’s group
>Human Mercs #1 and 2 were sent back into the darkness to try and establish lines of communication between us and the other groups, but were never seen again

>>96895657
(2/8)
>Big Boobs Elf went next, but then we heard her screaming something about vines, and then “they are going in all my holes” and then a bunch more screaming
>No one went into the darkness after that
>A group led by the Chad Sergeant and the Bald Sergeant wanted to wait by the darkness to see if more soldiers would make it through, but a group led by Elf Blademistress and Dwarf Sapper remember seeing a window nearby from the outside and want to use it to escape and/or create another breach
>The two groups argued for a while, but then agreed to go separate ways, I went with the window group
>As the two groups split up, the ceiling of the short corridor separating the two groups came slamming down, squishing Mercs #3, #4, and Small Boobs Elf flatter than pieces of parchment
>After more debate, our group went up a short flight of spiral stairs to get to a round room where the window should have been, but it wasn’t there
>Dwarf Sapper is convinced a section of wall leads to the outside, and tries to blow it down with a gunpowder keg, but the blast does nothing to the walls, though it does cause a big hatch in the middle of the room to fall open, revealing a shallow pit filled with sharp spikes
>Dwarf Sapper and Dwarf Sapper’s Brother get in a fight over whether the walls are enchanted or not, and if so, how did a simple trebuchet thrown boulder punch such a big hole
>Dwarf Sapper’s Sister hypothesizes the whole thing is a big trap, which makes everyone upset with her
>Suddenly a large werewolf appears and rips apart Mercs #5, #6, and #7, only the heroic skill of Elf Blademistress, Dwarf Sapper, and Elf Apprentice Sorceress bring it down
>Elf Swordmistress is worried the sound of the blast will bring more trouble and takes one small group to scout out one corridor, while Dwarf Sapper takes another small group to scout the other corridor, and Elf Sorceress has the rest, including me, watch the spiral stairwell we came up

>>96895657
(3/8)
>A metal bar gate slams down, separating Elf Blademistress and her group from the rest of us
>A succubus appears and has an impromptu orgy while we watch from the far side of the gate (the gate had some sort of magic barrier included in it which blocked projectiles and magic)
>Once she was finished banging them into submission, the succubus castrates Human Mercs #8 and #9, sodomizes Weak Female Elf #1 with her own blade, then drags Elf Blademistress off to parts unknown, leaving her other three victims to bleed out
>Weak Male Elf #1 and #2 and Weak Female Elf #2 succumb to “elf genes”, remove their metal thongs, and run towards the other corridor, demanding that the succubus takes them too, Weak Elf Male #1 forgets about the spike pit and falls to a prolonged and painful death, but I don’t see the other two for a while
>Myself and four others panic and try to flee down the spiral stairwell, but the stairs tilt to form a slide and we end up sliding down several levels and end up in a poorly lit, door less room with a bunch of paintings and a pile of pumpkins topped by a jack-o-lantern. There is also a seemingly bottomless pit in the middle of the room. Dwarf Sapper’s Sister joins us a short time later, having fallen in after something cut the rope she was using to control her descend down the spiral staircase/slide to attempt to rescue us
>Human Merc #10’s sanity starts fraying and he decides to urinate in the jack-o-lantern to “show the dungeon who is boss”
>The jack-o-lantern bites off Merc #10’s dick, grows bigger and grows tentacle-vines, stomps Merc #10’s head flat, grabs Weak Female Elf #3, shoves her in its mouth, then bites her in half, chewing the upper half loudly while the lower half fell to the ground

>>96895683
(4/8)
>Elf Female Nudist Monk #1 panics and tries to flee back up the slide, but triggers a trap that causes a spiky ball attached to a chain to fall from the ceiling, impale her skull, and leave her dangling like a macabre trophy
>Dwarf Sapper’s Sister kills the pumpkin monster by throwing a lit powder keg down its throat
>Weak Female Elf #4 goes crazy after being splattered by pumpkin mess and elf gore and starts removing paintings, hoping to find a hidden door behind one
>She touches a painting depicting a woman being tortured in the most debased manner possible, the painting sucks her in, and now the painting depicts Weak Female Elf #4 being tortured in the most debased manner possible
>I briefly spot a female phantom seemingly playing with herself in a corner, but she disappears into the wall when she sees me looking at her
>No one touched any paintings after that, or touched anything, we just stood there
>Luckily a section of wall disappears, and a group of survivors led by Dwarf Sapper, Chad Sergeant, Bald Sergeant, and Elf Blademistress (who had allegedly escaped the succubus) appears, there are only seventeen in total, the group that went with Chad and Bald (all human) had been hit as hard as we had
>Apparently a horny female phantom has been stealing their torches, forcing them to group together by their remaining torch, which allowed a giant scything blade to behead Mercs #11-15 all at once. Also Merc #16 got poisoned by a giant spider, Merc #17 fell in a pit filled with formerly attractive female zombies and got eaten, Merc #18 got sliced in three pieces by a blade trap, Young Female Mage found a garderobe with a door and insisted on closing it while she did her business, a bunch of tentacles pulled her screaming through the hole to a presumed bad end

>>96895700
(5/8)
>The Dwarf Sapper’s group hadn’t taken any losses since we had last seen them prior to sliding down the spiral staircase, they don’t know what cut the rope that the Dwarf Sapper’s Sister tried to use
>As the groups exchanged stories, the survivors became more and more despondent
>Human Merc #19 shoots himself in the brain with his own pistol
>Another argument breaks out, with the Bald Sergeant’s faction wanting to stay put to avoid more losses to traps, while the Dwarf Sapper’s faction saying that if everyone stays put, no one will ever exit the trap zone and rescue those still inside
>Merc #20 starts talking to a bunch of nude paintings apparently depicting Lady Horetta, who tells him they are half-siblings and it is his destiny to become her fourth favorite sex toy (apparently many humans in the area are related to Horetta due to some guy named Bill the Goat-Fucker). Merc #20 jumps down the bottomless pit.
>The argument turns to violence as Chad Male Elf tells Merc #21 that humans are more expendable than elves or dwarves since they live shorter, breed faster, are extremely numerous and are the cause of most of the wars
>Merc #21 tries to punch Chad Male Elf, who runs him through with his sword
>Bald Sergeant and Dwarf Sapper get in a brawl and Elf Female Nudist Monk #2 and Merc #22 proclaim racial hatreds will not stop their eternal love for each other and jump down the bottomless pit together
>Then the survivors of the group are attacked by three cultist-wizards of the Evil Trickster Clown God (dressed as clowns obviously) who are armed with wands that cause random effects

>>96895715
(6/8)
>In the time it takes for the three cultist-wizards to be slain, Merc #23 is turned into a chicken, Merc #24 is turned into a skeleton that falls to pieces, Merc #25’s head catches fire and he burns to death screaming, Merc #26 explodes into a cloud of green dust, Dwarf Sapper’s remaining powder keg is turned into a giant beer keg, Dwarf Sapper’s Sister’s is now nude, as is Chad Elf Male and Merc #27 (whose is also turned into a surprisingly cute woman). Bald Sergeant’s hands are turned into hooves
>The argument of what to next resumes
>Dwarf Sapper’s Sister is indifferent to her nudity, but Chad Male Elf is unusually embarrassed for a guy who was only really wearing a codpiece, cape, and metal bangles earlier and starts looting corpses for pants, none of which fit (and some of which had been soiled at some point since entering the dungeon)
>Dwarf Sapper chugs the whole keg in one go (it is almost as big as he is)
>Sergeant Bald goes insane and starts rambling about there being no escape, and how we can’t get out, he flees the room, no one tries to stop him
>Two vampires enter the room, one points at Chad Elf Male who flees towards the spiral staircase slide, the vampires turn to giant bats, snatch the fleeing Chad Elf and the (now female) Merc #27 and exit via the bottomless pit
>The seven survivors (myself included) are too afraid to leave the room, and stay there for a while during which time the Dwarf Sapper becomes extremely drunk
>Hundreds of giant spiders start pouring into the room via the bottomless pit
>Everyone flees for the exit, which has now been replaced by two doors, one says “trap” and one says “boss fight”
>Elf Blademistress opens the “boss fight" door and everyone piles in

>>96895737
(7/8)
>It is another big room, with another bottomless pit in the middle, a big glowing pentagram just past it, and a large, obscene altar on the far wall. There is a bunch of scantily clad cultists in the room, some positioning five furiously masturbating elves (including Weak Male Elf #2 and Weak Female Elf #2 from way back) around the pentagram, but most are using musical instruments with surprising talent to play a high tempo war ballad, also known as fight music
>I hide behind a pillar by the door, while the other five survivors approach the edge of the bottomless pit, seemingly enthralled as magic from the pentagram sucks the life out of the five elves and summons two giant succubi
>A deep voice from somewhere says “A new group of challengers approaches” and beams of light shine down from somewhere on the five survivors
>The Dwarf Sapper is pissing into the bottomless pit. The Elf Blademistress pushes the Dwarf Sapper into the pit. The Dwarf Sapper’s Sister turns into the succubus we saw earlier and pushes the Dwarf Sapper’s Brother into the pit. The succubus from earlier starts banging the Elf Blademistress, who was probably in her thrall since shortly after the succubus first ran off with her. The two giant succubi start banging the Chad Sergeant and the Elf Apprentice Sorceress against their will
>A deep voice from somewhere announces “you failed”
>There is about ten minutes of unpleasant banging until the original succubus and her pet finish and wander off, and another ten minutes until the two giant succubi and their victims disappear with puffs of sulfur, during this time the cultist orchestra plays the same thirty second segment of song over and over again and the deep voice repeats “you failed” at the start of every loop

>>96895766
(8/8)
>After the succubi leave, the cultists mill around for a bit, before an important looking cultist tells everyone to get ready to do the whole thing over again when the next group invaders arrives, he also says they are short one sacrifice for reactivating the pentagram
>I took that as my queue to leave
>But some cultists saw me flee the room and chased me
>I decide dying is better than being sacrificed and having my soul go to Succubus Hell
>I jump down the bottomless pit in the room with painting room
>But it is not actually bottomless now
>It is just really deep, and filled with spider webs, and the cocoons of their victims
>There must have been magical darkness in here at one point, like the one we encountered at the start of the dungeon, but somehow it got dispelled
>End up caught in a web near Chad Male Elf (whose blood looks like it was drained by vampires via his cock), Mercs #20 (who begs for death) and #27 (who begs for life), Merc #22 and Elf Female Nudist Monk #2 (who landed on top of each other, and bang non-stop until the spiders suck them dry), and Bald Sergeant (whose mouth and eyes were sewn shut at some point, but giggles non-stop anyways)
>There is no way out, this is the end for me, my back is stuck to the webs, and I can barely move my arms enough to write, the spiders will come for me soon, I hope this journal provides insight into the fate of my temporary companions and the dangers of this dead trap of a dungeon
++journal located two years later, fate of owner unknown++

>>96895614
>>96893742
>Be Steve
>Most the rest of the various mercenaries have made it inside the walls at this point, with more making their way in now that the vine wall has withered
>The few vines still standing being hacked away for more men to pour into the gap, emboldened by the previous pitch-black giving way to a dimly lit series of halls
>The Black tooth boys have become somewhat of a rearguard during all this, keeping the barbarians and zombies of the rest's back
>We have taken heavy casualties, something we're unfortunately used to with humans and orcs always treating us as expendable. As always, I just hope our deaths here can save a few more of their lives, some of them at least have people who will grieve them. All we have is violence and struggle.
>Urtak's still-screaming head flies by my view
"Oh Urtak, what did I just say?"
I'mtoomuch.chuckle
>He was one of the good ones. One of the few who ever showed honest kindness to me. I didn't think any softness existed in any of them till he offered me his last piece of meat while we were starving in-between jobs. If his death buys one more life, then I just hope that shred of goodness means he would have wanted it. If it doesn't, then I hope the gods are having a good laugh at another unloved bastard's death.
>"Excuse me, I've somewhere to go."
>That wizard from earlier walks right across the most violent part of the battle, turning at least half of the combatants into various farm animals and throwing some into the sky, then gives a wimpy punch and equally wimpy "eeyuh" to the wall and blasts a breach nearly as large as the one we're defending
>If we stay here, the enemy could work their way through the breach that wizard created, wrap back behind us, and then we'd be surrounded
>There's no choice but to retreat into the halls behind us, and hope for the best
>Only problem is that I am now a goose, and half the boys are equally defenseless livestock
"HONK"
cantcrackjokesanymore.dissapointment

>>96887646
>>96893553
>Be Starbright
>The Mad Wizard himself appears next to the jack-in-the-box that was doing the countdown and they start talking to each other about why my answer was wrong, and also about bikinis with only three rings
>Apparently the answer was “fish”
>Also it smells like farts in here now
>Fish?
>FISH!
>That is even shittier than my answer! Fish breath through their gills, and they don’t wear mail, the scales don’t even look like mail on most fish
>I kick a box out of frustration, it is more solid than it looks and part of my toenail breaks
>Naturally a jack-in-the-box pops out, its long dunce cap almost pokes me in the groin as it comes out
“Stupid skank, stupid skank, takes things too literally, can’t tell the difference between never and everly”
>This time the jack-in-the-box looks like me, except with a stupid, cross-eyed expression on its face, and a much larger chest
“Stupid skank, stupid skank, if you don’t pass this next test properly, you will be raped for eternity”
>A second jack-in-the box has popped open nearby, it resembles the lower half of my body, with a dunce cap balancing on the tailbone, and a trumpet lodged in the anus
>The trumpet up the bum combined with the rape reference are a bit too much for me and I groan in fear
“Also you fart too much”
>The butt trumpet starts tooting, presumably powered by farts
>Grrrr, I feel some serious anger mixing in with the terror that was just previously dominating my emotions
>These tests don’t make any sense, if it wasn’t obvious before, it is now, my fate rests in the hands of a self absorbed, whimsically sadistic, overly sexual madman who has little consistency, logic, or sense of fairness
>It is probably a coin toss whether winning or losing the final test leads to a better fate, the only reason I am playing along is in hopes that winning will lead to situations where I have a better chance of escape later
>That doesn’t mean losing hurts my ego any less

>>96896499
>And I am not farting
>Or maybe I am, like everyone else in the siege camp I have been eating a lot of rotting food lately
>The next test is apparently to "Do some cool magic stuff or make a flattering statue of me. Or both! Or something that impresses me!"
>I guess that isn’t very surprising given how big his ego is, I like him even less if that is possible, and start wondering if playing his little games is really worth it anymore, more anger rises within me
>But being raped for all eternity doesn’t sound that great, and if there is even a chance that passing the final test allows me to avoid that, then I should at least try my best, though as I noted before, knowing how sadistic mad wizards sometimes are, there is probably at least a 50/50 chance that passing leads to a worse fate than eternal rape, not that I have any idea what would be a sure way to pass
>My thoughts are going in circles at this point as terror competes with anger
>But I land on a plan that might have a chance of working, and if not, I could also retroactively consider to it be a “fuck you” of sorts, literally, before I am consigned to a horrible fate
>Also I don’t have much in the way of artistic talent, or have much magic left, even if I had my wand, but I do know a bit about alchemy
>Also also the only things I think that the mad wizard likes about me are my spunk and my body, and the plan plays into that, while also maybe alleviating any concerns he has about my intelligence, assuming he even cares about that as much as he pretends to
>There isn’t a countdown this time, thank the Goddesses for small mercies
>I mix a few potions in the cauldron to form xanic acid, which I then pour on the marble block to turn a portion of it into a soft, clay like material
>I did some clay sculpting in my teens, and even then I wasn’t much good at it, but at least I know the basics

>>96896504
>I manage to make a sculpture that looks sort of like me, with exaggerated butt and breasts. The sculpture has a defiant pose, with both arms extended forward, and both middle fingers raised
>I am starting to have second thoughts about this, maybe I got too carried away?
>I could have tried making a sculpture of him like he asked, but I doubt he would have been much impressed by quality of anything I make, and probably even offended by the lack of quality
>The mad wizard hasn’t even been paying attention to me for a while, he is off talking to the jack-in-the-box called “Bob”
>To add a bit of flair, I put a cloth over the rapidly hardening sculpture, call the mad wizard over, throw a potion jar on the ground that I know will generate a thick cloud of pink smoke, take the cloth off the statue, assume the same pose as the statue, and once the smoke cloud had sufficiently dispersed, yell out:
“Allow me to present my masterpiece, it is called FUCK YOU!!”
>I wish I was as confident as I sounded

>>96893742
>>96893836
>>96895891
>>96895329
>>96892360
>Be Wicked Willy the Wizard
>Wandering through the castle dungeons, got a nice flock of creatures following me at this point
>There's still fighting though, and I turn several of the stupider ones that try to take a swing at me into fluffy bunny rabbits
>Chthon's teeth, this place is awful
>I mean just look at the colours! Pink and dirty yellow! They should fire the interior decorator!
>And all the succubi, this place is a den. I've had to summon a cloud of perfume the stink of bodily fluids is that bad.
>I make up for it by flinging poo at all the succubi I encounter. Not my own poo, just some from the poo dimension I discovered
>Then again, some of them might be into that, so I make sure to cast sensory deprivation spells on them too.
>Finally hear some inbred gurgling to himself in one of the dungeons, must be the owner
>poke my head around the corner
>it is the owner and he's a vampire
>standing in front of a bunch of pissed off mercs
>ooh, their leader is even here
>look around
>the lump of talking clay is alone and just standing there like he doesn't realise the mercs are going to rip his head off
>unless the entire room is a trap, which would be stupid because this vampire pinhead is standing in the middle of it
>cast an invisibility spell, summon my fluffy chair and a drink, and watch

>>96896510
>Be Wicked Willy the Illusion
>chatting with Bob about the realities of life and death and wondering what will happen when our master bites it. If he ever does.
>kinda pisses me off that people think I'm him, I'm just an illusionary simulacrum of reality meant to imitate him
>really speaks to identity and how our perceptions shape whats real, don't it?
>Bob shrugs and says he's never really thought about it
>Nudges me in the shoulder and points at the girl
>look at what she's done
>she's made a pink smokebomb
>wot?
>then she takes a cloth off a thing and unveils a nude statue of herself while posing next to it in a suggestive manner that would arouse me if I were actually flesh and not some artificial mental construction
>also she flips us off and starts screaming "Fuck you!"
>Look at the statue and look over at bob
"Boobs are a bit big, aren't they?"
>He nods. Horny teenagers are into that sorta thing, but the boss ain't that horny
>Boobs need to be the perfect size. Not too little and not too big. These are too big.
>Waist is a little small too. Looks like she's going to snap in two.
>And the butt is sticking out way too much. It looks silly. What kind of woman can even walk with something like that?
>You ever seen those marble statues in an elven kingdom? Now those are done tastefully. Erotically even. The skin is all smooth, and the indentations are so subtle, and the effect they do with ropes and cloth are crazy, not even the boss could get that good
>Also the effect is kinda ruined when the girl is right next to it bleeding from a dozen wounds, covered in bruises, and looking like she's at deaths door
>Not really sure how to call it, Bob wants to fail her, I want to give her a pass
>I think the boss imprisoned an art critic here once, I should get him over to judge
>Wave cheerily at the girl. Back in a bit!

>Be me.
>Dwarf steamtank engineer.
>With helping out the new lord of these lands my kin were given a good deal on trading
>With that came a lot of gold and a human lord that was willing to implement our new ideas since he love our guns so much
>No longer did we need to move from town to town and sell our services since our hold was taken by that dragon
>We could settle down and build
>A new age has dawned in the land, a time of indoor heating, plumbing, and steam.
>And with this new age comes many technological benefits.
>Mainly huge hunk of steel and steam you see before you that I'm shoveling coal into as we speak
>The Steam Tank Model II
>Our new human lord wants us to check up on his son though, since it is his first mission, our commander was more than happy to oblige given all he's done for us.
>Our fearsome behemoth made its way over the Evil Forrest, stepping over many hazards will we arrived at Entilemen's new evil fortress.
>Outside we see grim news for the humans, our captain gives the order.
"FIRE ALL CANNONS!"
>I've been waiting to get that order for years.
>Time for a field test of my greatest creation yet.

>>96892359
>>96892509
>>96893836
>>96898455
>Be Elf Bladesinger
>The Druid knocks my legs out from under me, and smashes me into the ground twice
>I wake up with a killer headache, cracked ribs, sore tailbone, burning forearm, and bruises in several other areas
>Also I can’t see anything, which causes me to panic briefly until I realize I am blindfolded
>Also I am gagged, and thick robe binds my limbs
>There is something crammed into my mouth, mistletoe I think, which makes it impossible to cast even basic spells
>I squirm and roll around for a while, but the robe binding me is tight and thick and it seems highly unlikely that I will be able to worm my way free of it or use something sharp to cut through it
>I give up and lie still, soaking in the pain, and letting the cold, heavy rain pummel me like a thousand tiny needles
>It is surprisingly quiet out here, I suppose all the fighting has moved into the castle, with even the camp followers going in to avoid being overrun by the naked zombies
>I wonder how I avoided being butchered by naked zombies, I remember from earlier seeing them hacking at even the most obvious of corpses, apparently under orders to finish off all who are wounded or playing dead and not having the brains to decide whether something was dead or not without at least a few experimental chops
>I feel a leathery nose brush against several different parts of my body
>At least one of the large coyotes is still around, probably a few of those barbarians as well
>That explains why I haven’t been chopped to bits by zombies, though I dread to think of why the barbarians are so keen on keeping me alive
>The coyote is still sniffing me in inappropriate places, I wonder if it knows I am the one that killed several of its pack mates
>A long stream of urine its me in the face, luckily the rain washes away most of it
>I will take that as a possible yes
>The coyote finally leaves me alone

>>96899179
>I spend an indeterminate time period trying to manage my pain and not think about what the barbarians have in mind for me
>Then I hear some heavy footsteps nearby and some explosions from the castle
>Great, what is happening now?

>>96893836
>>96898455
>>96897098
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Navigating this castle killing stragglers and capturing dwarves left right and centre
>Baleon binding them together and sending some of the more calm berserkers to deliver them to a quieter place
>He puts a special symbol above them using some of his blood to draw it
>Essentially says for the Wizard in an arcane tongue I can't read
>Only know thats what it is cause Baleon told me
>Suddenly hear a explosion from outside the castle
>Fuck reinforcements
>With some sort of siege weaponry
"Baleon! Take some men go investigate that racket"
>He sighs seems he isnt that keen but does so
>Ive still got to catch more dwarves and kill those mercs

>>96899193
>Be Baleon
>Take some men with me and rush out of the castle to see a some sort of armoured mobile Fortress
>The coywolf and men I left guarding Stannis and the elf start dragging them out of the way of its path
>Glare at it with my one eye and then charge towards Stannis and the elf
>Need to check how many spells I have left in the tank
>An earthquake might be suitable here

>>96884738
>>96892360
>>96895329
>>96895891
>>96897098
>>96898455
>>96899434
>Be HorettaIII, Lord Entilemen II’s Daughter-Wife, High Priestess of Non-Denominational Evil
>Still watching the events above with my magic orb, still getting a tongue bath from Daxia
>The trap filled maze layer worked better than I could have ever imagined!
>The first few waves of mercenaries got confused by the magical darkness as planned and got split up just as planned, to be slowly picked off by the sadistic traps, some of which I have been waiting years to see how effectively they would work
>The Coyote Druid blocks off the breach with magic vines which is mildly disappointing, as is Willy’s dispelling of the darkness magic, but it matters not. The vines give time for the naked zombies, Coyotes, and other dark forces to pin the invaders near the vines, so that when the vines finally come down, many of the invaders heedlessly run into dungeon level, triggering even more traps than the first wave. And then Willy himself breaks the invader’s rearguard by turning their best fighters into farm animals, though he also enchants some of the other invaders weapons for some reason.
>Now the Coyotes and naked zombies are chasing the remaining invaders deeper into the trap filled maze layer, triggering even more traps
>The Coyotes seem to be capturing dwarves on behalf of Willy, but that doesn’t matter to me as long as continue their otherwise excellent work. I make sure the traps are deactivated anytime a Coyote is near one
>Meanwhile, my half-brother, Lord Entilement, has confronted the leader of the invaders, in hopes that he will have a suitable audience when he ascends to godhood
>Personally I am pretty sure the plan won’t work, based on everything I have read it takes more than the suffering and death of many hundred individuals to fuel an apotheosis

>>96899943
>But who knows, his Lordship has some very ancient vampire sages working for him (and who don’t trust me), and they were installing all sorts of dark magic devices into the castle back when we were renovating it to create the trap filled maze layer
>Also Willy has just punched a path through part of the maze so he can silently watch the confrontation between his Lordship and the leader of the invaders, strange priorities that one
>And oh look, the invaders have some very belated reinforcements in the form of some sort of walking tank
>It is firing at the castle walls, but I am not sure what they hope to accomplish with it given almost everyone is already in the castle
>It seems like a fun toy to have though, I send out a few succubi and succubi worshipping dwarves to help the Coyotes capture the tank

>>96895329
>>96897098
>>96898455
>>96899434
>>96899952
>Be Mercenary Captain Jr.
>The vampire lord Entilement the 2nd steps out of the shadows and gives a truly awful speech about how everything was all according to keikaku in an almost incomprehensible accent.
>Honestly not sure if he's doing a bit because he's a vampire, or if its caused by the oversized fangs in his mouth that look more like upsidedown warthog tusks, or its caused by the tumors on his head or lips.
>Either way I and a couple other mercs need to hold back vomiting as he goes on.
>MFW
>Frankly I'm calling bullshit on this all being part of his plan, guy looks like he couldn't navigate his way out of a cereal box maze, no idea why he was such a big threat to the king and my father.
>Eventually his monolog is interrupted by an earthquake and series of explosions we can hear even down in the dungeon
>The vampire looks up confused
>Then the weak stone around the bars loosens.
>I order my fusiliers and some of the surviving dwarfs to push against the bars and the cage breaks open falling to the ground.
>The vampire apparently didn't plan for that and books it, we follow the fleeing coward out of the dungeon to finally put an end to this clusterfuck of an adventure and go home.
>No idea what's causing the explosions outside, could be the storm has just gotten that worse.

>>96899434
>>96899952
>>96900194
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Continuing to capture and destroy
>Finally make it to where the mercs are
>In a dungeon with a vampire lord and they are breaking free
>They are also planning on fleeing
>Finally
>I roar my war cry
"COYOTES! RIP THEM APART!"
>With that we jump into the fray to rip them apart
>Myself of course wanting to meet the gallant Mercenary captain
>I take hits here and there from his men but I retaliate
>Im being awared with women, gold and probably a very hearty meal
>Might give the lady of the castle a visit after we get our reward
>If she's down of course
>Regardless, mercenary captain to kill
>Put my priority on that

>>96899434
>>96899952
>Be One Eyed Baleon
>Planning a method of attack when some succubi and some dwarves who simp for them make their way to our location
>Well its something at least
>Ask the dwarves what they think about the siege engine
>Looks extremely well built according to them
>Very few weaknesses for disabling it
>Legs might be the way to go
>Though the thing looks to be completely made of metal
>Outside is fairly stormy
"Succubi fly my men onto the engine must be some way to break in. Wait for the lightning to finish its work"
>I close my eye and begin to chant the spell Call Lightning in Druidic
>Should be more potent seeing as its already stormy
>Open my eye and throw my hand down
>Thunder erupts from the sky, lightning bolts striking the mechanical engine
>Hopefully the sheer power of the lightning should disable the thing
>If not kill the crew on board seeing as they are essentially in a giant conductive sarcophagus
>I'll have to see the results

>>96896510
>>96897143
>Be Starbright
>The mad wizard and “Bob” discuss my sculpture for a while
>Apparently they think the ass and boobs are too big, and the waist is too small, but they are going to check with an art critic they have imprisoned in here
>Shit, I thought the wizard liked big ass and breasts because of how he depicted me in jack-in-the-box form, but I guess he just depicted me that way because that is his idea of what someone comically stupid looks like
>The mad wizard waves cheerily at me, then walks straight through one of the pure white walls to access some other part of the pocket dimension
>What?!?
>How long is it going to take to get the art critic? The suspense is killing me, I need to know if I passed the test!
>Do I just stand here like this? Is the art critic going to be more impressed if I am doing the pose? Should I throw another smoke bomb? How do I even know when the art critic is going to show up? Is he just going to appear out of the wall the mad wizard just walked through, it is only twenty feet away, that is no time to prepare at all!
>I decide to maintain the pose for now, but my earlier anger has mostly faded away so my heart isn’t really in it anymore
>My arm muscles are starting to hurt, and I am becoming increasingly aware of my various injuries again, particularly the broken arm, twisted ankle, and cracked rib, I saw some intoxicants on the ingredient shelf earlier, and regret not shoving them in my mouth when I had the chance. Severe intoxication or even a fatal overdose is starting to look like a surprisingly good option right now
>More time passes
>I see a flea on my arm

>>96901216
>I have had on and off problems with fleas since coming to these miserable lands, so it is not surprising I got some again during the siege, but I hadn’t noticed up until now. But now, there is definitely a few things moving in my hair, and other hair, and one buttock is a bit itchy, as is an armpit, my scalp, groin, nose, behind one ear
MentalScreaming.exe
>The only thing that would make this worse is if I needed to go to the bathroom. Dammit, why did I have to think that? I never even got the chance when I went into the forest and got attacked, I just haven’t thought of it since then. Where do you even go in a room that is almost nothing but pure white walls and floors? I don’t see doing it in the cauldron or in one of the jack-in-the-boxes ending well. Maybe I will empty out one of the potion bottles, or sculpt a chamber pot from marble when I get the chance
>That is assuming I am here long term. He seems to be testing me to see if I am worthy as an apprentice. Will my apprenticeship take place in this room? What would it entail? What happens if he forgets me in here, like he apparently forgot the art critic? Does food and water appear somewhere? What happens if I fail the test? How literal is it when he says “raped for all eternity”? Is that what happened to the art critic? Do you eat and drink as you are being raped? Do you get bathroom breaks or just go wherever? Is it going to be a man? Men? Demon? Magic construct? Enchanted object? All of the above on a rotating basis?
>How long have I been waiting for? It has probably been just minutes, but it seems like days!
MoreMentalScreaming.exe

>>96901230
>Be me Uftar the Marauder
>Been high as a kite and having sex with things
>Ive started to come down from the high
>Realise I've been humping just random objects
>Oh that's right im supposed to get that brown chick for the boss
>See her having some sort of breakdown
>Must be rough on her
>Stand behind her an place a hand on her shoulder
"Oi lass, you doing alright? I know you probably don't want to hear this from fhe guy sent to kidnap you but your clearly struggling something fierce. I would offer shrooms to help take the edge off but we're stuck here so that ain't happening"
>Notice all the fleas on her, she clearly ain't around here
>Look to the cauldron and then her sculpture of herself
>Smart cookie, she's got some alchemical skill
>Might be useful in making more potent shrooms for our berserker rages
"If I help you get outta here, how about you join me and my warband? We are looking for an alchemist to top up our shrooms"
>Hopefully she agrees to this little deal
>She's still absolutely going to get used by us cause she's an attractive woman
>But I'm sure she'll come around
>They all do eventually

>>96900684
>Be mercenary captain Jr.
>Start chasing after the vampire only to be ambushed by the coyotes and barbarian again.
beentheredonethat.banner
>In the much tighter corridors its easier for my men to corner the dogs and blast them with our hand cannons.
>The savage leading them targets me but I've had enough of the bullshit for today and just want to get this over with.
>I don't play fair in our duel at all and just immediately kick him in the groin at the first opportunity.
ThatswhyIwearacodpeace.portrait
>While he's writhing on the ground, I pick him up and throw him in one of the intact cells, moving one of the boxes in the way of the door just in case it collapses.
>With that done I grab one of the special green fire dungeon torches and set off after the vampire lord with my men to finally put an end to this once and for all...
>Again...

>>96901230
>>96901568
>Be Starbright
>Okay, that is enough with the pose, I can redo the pose and say the thing again when the mad wizard comes back with the art critic, maybe even throw another smoke bomb
>Having given permission to myself to move, I scratch ever itchy spot vigorously, twice, then put the cloth back over the sculpture and go grab another potion that could be used as a smoke bomb
>As I approach the ingredient shelf I am overcome with emotion again and scream twice, then punch the shelf a few times, which does nothing other than cause the broken bone in my arm to shift in a bad way
>Okay, now that really fucking hurts
>Out of desperation, I discretely grab a handful of small dried mushrooms off the shelf and shove it my mouth at the same time as I grab another smoke bomb potion, and then walk back to the table with the sculpture on it to await the return of the art critic and the mad wizard, occasionally scratching myself some more while trying my best to manage my emotional agitation, physical pain, full bladder, and itchiness, most of which I think is psychological
>I am pretty sure those mushrooms have pain killing properties, but they are also hallucinogenic, which is why I instinctively concealed the fact that I had consumed them, as more than a few of my classmates have gotten detention getting high on those things at the mage academy
>Kind of silly really, somehow I doubt the mad wizard would care, other than maybe being disappointed I didn’t put together some sort of healing potion instead. I don’t remember seeing any ingredients for proper painkilling or healing on those shelves, but I wasn’t really looking either. Come to think of it, I don’t actually know that much about the properties of the Orange Spotted Mushroom that I had just ingested, particularly dosages and how long it takes to go into effect

>>96903394
>Having a hallucination at the wrong time while dealing with the mad wizard could be a disaster, though it is not like I have been managing him well so far
>My anxiety levels start rising again, and I wonder if I should go ransack the ingredient shelves for something that will either negate the hallucinogenic effect, induce vomiting, or provide better healing or painkilling
>A hand grabs my shoulder from behind and I almost jump out of my skin, then I cringe and stop moving
"Oi lass, you doing alright? I know you probably don't want to hear this from fhe guy sent to kidnap you but your clearly struggling something fierce. I would offer shrooms to help take the edge off but we're stuck here so that ain't happening"
>Fuck, this guy again, the rapist cannibal looking one who called me “chocolate” earlier
>He seems to be trying to be reasonable though, so I take one step forward, bump into the table, and then turn around to face him
>He is standing way to close to me for a big guy who is almost a foot and a half taller than me
>Lots of body hair, built like a blacksmith, lots of flees, but a different color than mine for some reason, still covered in blood, particularly around the mouth, but I am also covered in blood to be fair, animal fur headdress, bracers, and boots, but he lost his loincloth at some point, and may or may not even realize it, smells like rancid body odor, blood, and semen, skin looks like he has never washed it, particularly his still erect penis, which is covered in either dirt, dried blood, scab tissue, feces, mold, or some combinations of the above
"If I help you get outta here, how about you join me and my warband? We are looking for an alchemist to top up our shrooms"
>His mouth is saying a few reasonable things, but his body still screams rapist-cannibal

>>96903466
>But escaping the barbarians should (in theory) be easier than escaping the mad wizard, and the risk of occasional rape is probably better than the risk of eternal non-stop rape
>Unless this is another test by the mad wizard
>Do mad wizard’s even appreciate loyalty? Or do they respect treachery more, particularly from those who they forced to join them under duress?
>Also the mushrooms are starting to kick in now
>Like really fucking bad
>Were they even Orange Spotted Mushrooms? It is not like they were labelled....oh fuck, is that elephant real, anything is possible in a pocket dimension run by a mad wizard
>I try to regain my composure
“Uhm, I accept your offer, but I don’t know anything about shrooms”
>No you idiot, I think to myself, or maybe say to myself, you aren’t talking to your mom, knowing a few things about shrooms makes you useful to them and reduce the chances they will see you as nothing but a mobile sex toy
“Actually I might know a few things about shrooms, why don’t you tell me all about your escape plan with your back turned to me while I go try to find something on that shelf that induces vomiting, and then go pee in a jar while I still have some control over my bodily functions
>Not my best moment, but at least my mind is too muddled to be paralyzed by fear now

>>96899952
>>96901151
>Be Dominatrix Rexia, Senior Ranking Dwarf Cleric of the Succubus Queen
>Or D-Rex for short
>Horetta III, the nominal head of our unholy order, and a bunch of rival unholy orders, wants some dwarfs to go with some succubi to help the smelly mercenaries seize some newfangled dwarven siege device
>Sounds fun, I am always down for seeking vengeance on my old clan for rejecting my new ideas on sexuality, they are innovative in terms of technology, but conservative about most other things
>Besides, Horetta is important to the cult, something about the bloodline of Entilement scoring great victories for the forces of evil sometime this decade according to some prophecy, which is probably why so many groups of an evil disposition are bending over backwards to accommodate the fickle Horetta and her idiot husband, father, brother, whatever
>I finish off the captured dwarf I was pegging, gather a few dwarf cultists I remember being technically competent, then link up with the succubi, who teleport us near the walking siege tank
>The Tinker Twins and the druid discuss the strengths and weaknesses of the device for a while, and decide to disable it via lightning
>It is a good idea as ideas go, I would have recommended the same if I knew the druid had lightning magic
>Also he wants the succubi to ferry his men onto the device, also a good idea, but I am hardly going to let him have all the fun
>I get a succubus to drop me on the upper front portion of the siege device, where there is some sort of large grill
>Either a control room, or an engine room, either works for me
>I use my massive enchanted warhammer called Anal Annihilator to smash and rip my way through the grill
>As I do so, some crispy looking dwarfs inside the room, it looks like a control room, try to fend me off
>One of them is standing a little too close for his own good

>>96903702
>I reverse my grip on my warhammer, stab the sharp end through the bars, impale the dwarf in the groin, hook his pelvic opening, and then forcefully drag him him into the bars a few times until he goes limp
>Don’t worry, I can heal him later, and then mutilate him all over again in a more controlled setting
>Another dwarf is standing further away, trying to get a pistol to work
>I cast Harm on him, which causes his groin and stomach to explode in a shower of rotting flesh
>That one may be harder to heal
>The remaining dwarfs flee deeper into the machine as I smash and pry open a big enough opening in the grill to enter the control room
Who is next bitches?

>>96901568
>>96903473
>Be Uftar the Marauder
>The mage is panicky probably because of a shroom she took, orange spotted
>Man if only Baleon was here
>He'd know what it does apart from getting high
>The mage wants to know how I intend on getting out of here
>Preferably with my back turned around so she can vomit and pee whilst still being able to control herself
>I don't turn around and keep an eye on her
"Well I was thinking instead of standing around when the wizard gets back we rush towards where he came in from. All else fails we could just walk around this realm and find an exit. Also try sticking two fingers down your throat as far as you can. It'll help make you gag and therefore vomit"
>Think I'll try being smooth
"If you go limp from losing control of your body I'll carry you out"

>>96901151
>>96903716
>Be Baleon
>Seems my strike worked
>Now the dwarven succubi cult are taking the fight to the crew inside
>Being air dropped in
>Order my men to assist
>Succubi carrying them over
>Strong girls I have to admit when their cargo are big guys
>I decide to hang back for a bit
>Sitting down next to the bound up elf
>She smells of coyote piss
>The coyote nearby comes over for head rubs
"Its alright Pipen this siege will finish up soon and then we'll bring Stannis back from the dead with true resurrection"
>The coyote yips in happiness as I pet it

>>96900684
>>96902795
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Finally reach their captain
>His men fire upon us with hand cannons
>They have an advantage seeing as its a tight corridor
>It was easier picking them off when they were outside
>I begin the dual between us by charging axe raised to kill
>I slam it down but he dodges and lands a kick directly into my groin
>Fuck you I need that
>As I fall to writhe on the ground he tosses me in a cell and throws a thing in front of it
>In a rage I smash the cell door frequently
>THIS MEHTUL BAWKS SHALL NOT CONTAIN ME!
>Hopefully whilst he runs away one of the castles servants kills him
>My men cease their pursuit to get me out
>Reduced in numbers significantly
>Might have to ask if the lady of this castle can revive some of my men
>Alternatively I'll just have to preform some recruitment drives up in the north again
>Fuck I could do with a beer or five

>>96897098
>>96899943
>>96900194
>>96904191
>>96902795
>Be Wicked Willy the Wizard
>still sitting invisible in my fluffy chair
>Chortling to myself as these idiots bumble around the dungeons chasing each other like a scooby doo cartoon
>But time to throw in a curveball
>lift my transformation spell on the pack of animals I've been dragging along with me
>they all turn back into humans, mercenaries sieging and defending the castle both, plus some of the naked zombies
>but I've got something special planned for them
>wave my hands and the 3 nude zombies suddenly melt and run together in a puddle that grows bigger and bigger and suddenly bubbles up into a fountain
>going to change morph that later into one of my favourite games but for now cackle to myself from my floating chair (don't want to get my feet wet) as everyone suddenly has to deal with the flooding dungeon
>clap my hands and a freezing wind starts blowing through all the corridors too, got to keep people on their toes
>point my hand at the ceiling and blast a hole through, I'm going to move outside and go looking for the dwarves I paid that one merc to gather
>laugh to myself all the way, I'm having so much fun
>throw a couple spare decks of many things down the hole as I go, I'm not so cruel I won't give them a chance to get out

>>96903473
>>96904136
>Be Bob the Jack in the Box
>Getting concerned watching these two while I wait for Willy to get back, the guy stopped humping stuff and the girl seems like she's on the verge of a total mental breakdown
>about to open my mouth and say something when she suddenly rushes over to the shelf of ingredients and stuff her mouth full of mushrooms
>ah
>the super lsd mushrooms the boss has been cultivating
>the kind the potion seller would refuse to stock, much less sell to adventurers
>well, she's a lost cause now
>hey, at least she should have some "magic" powers now, but hell if I want to be around when she starts using them
>hop on over to the guy and nudge him
"Yo. You should get out of here dude, those mushrooms are no joke."
>he looks at me funny and asks why
"Cause they don't just make you trip out, they make the trip into reality. Uh, like make the thing real. And some other random stuff, the boss just threw a bunch of shit in there."
>look over at the girl
>she's suddenly sparkly clean and smiling
>oh shit it's starting
>maybe I should push the panic button, I don't know if I Willy will get back in time

>>96904136
>>96904751
>Be Uftar the Marauder
>Still in the pocket dimension watching the mage lady
>When suddenly, one of the jack in a boxes nudges me
>"Yo. You should get out of here dude, those mushrooms are no joke."
>I look at it and ask why
>"Cause they don't just make you trip out, they make the trip into reality. Uh, like make the thing real. And some other random stuff, the boss just threw a bunch of shit in there."
>Wait what?
>He looks over to her and she's all clean and beginning to spark
>Alright that's concerning
"So any ideas on how the fuck I get outta here? I don't got mage craft I only got barbaric rage"
>If push comes to shove I'll just knock her out
>Though if what she's tripping becomes reality then I have an idea
"LASS THINK OF AN EXIT DOOR OUT OF HERE! AS IN THINK OF DOOR THAT CAN GET US OUT!"
>Hope to Baleon's remaining eyeball this works

>>96904191
>>96904731
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>The fucks going on?
>Either im coming down from the shrooms or reality itself is getting fucked
>Wet feet, cold winds inside a castle, animals turning into human forms some of them being the enemy and our allied naked zombies
>Make matters stranger it starts raining decks of cards
>I take a deck
>Says deck of many things
>Ah so not useful for card games
>Keep it incase Baleon wants to study it
>Decide to pull out, kill any mercs that are in our way
>Even should the captain kill the lord of the castle he'll be bled in terms of men and unable to capture the castle
>Therefore I still get my rewards
>Those virgin girls are going to get broken into real rough when I get my hands on them

>Be me
>Archibald Sumptropicus, the King's Royal Ambassador
>Visiting all the demesnes of His Royal Kingdom so that my Lord's most just and benign authority may be known to all His most beloved subjects
>the king's a bloodthirsty tyrant who started torturing peasants when he realised he was allowed to but I get sent away from the court and dine at his expense so I'm not going to complain
>all I have to do is write weekly letters back to court about how much the peasants and lords love him and I'm set for life
>helps that the places I visit think they need to bribe me for good reviews too
>right now approaching one of the more remote areas of the kingdom, it's been more than a century since the last Royal Ambassador was here
>the map I'm using is really old too, it doesn't say whether the castle in the dark and gloomy forest of eternal darkness is the summer home or the actual seat of the lord
>also I have no idea who runs the place, by my count it should be Entilement the V or VI if they keep on doing the retarded name the son after the father thing
>have no idea what he even looks like too, there's one picture of Entilement II hanging up in the capital, so if I go off that then whoever looks like the richest inbred out here
>a massive storm suddenly sprung up when I approached the castle, making it difficult to see and hear
>been knocking at the rear gate for the past hour, I'd go check the front but I hear what sounds like thunder strikes over there and I don't want to risk getting struck when I'm dressed up in a bunch of gold
>say fuck it, order my footmen to carry me through a hole in the wall and take me inside, I'll apologise later, I'm the King's Ambassador
>finally we're inside the keep, and there's nobody here
>what gives? Did I come at the wrong time of year?
>the lamps are lit so somebody's here
>shrug my shoulders and go wandering down a corridor looking for someone to talk to
>I wonder what all that ruckus is?

>>96895891
>Be Steve
>Be Goose
>Be lost
>At this point there's only 4 rabbits, a duck, another goose, and a miniature goat with me
>We've escaped any of the coyotes or zombies, so we are safe for now
>I don't know which of these animals are barbarians or zombies, so that's something to be cautious of
>I was confused and distressed about being a goose at first.
>Change is always painful when it first comes. The familiar is stripped away for the chaos of something new.
>I had been taught to shy away from change. First my life was stripped away from me by my neighbors, then my mother by my new strength, and then I had to fight just to eat. All because of my blood.
>I see now that before I had been turned into a goose, I had grown complacent, even comfortable in my own discomfort. I thought myself destined to die as a victim of fate.
>And now that my life has once again been irreversibly changed by circumstance. And I finally see in that void where there used to be order, ease, and habit, there is an opportunity for something better.
>As I fly down this hall, over a conspicuous wall-to-wall trapdoor, I fly towards a new future. I finally feel that I can accept myself, as the free and happy bird I was always meant to be.
dispellmagic.runetrap
>mfw

>>96903473
>>96904136
>>96904751
>>96906919
>Be Starbright
>The rapist-cannibal ignores my request to turn around and provides some poor ideas for escaping, and also some college level advice for inducing vomiting
>I did go to mage academy you know, though I didn’t get invited to those sorts of parties
>I wobble over to the ingredient shelf and pop open a jar of fermented troll feces, which immediately triggers vomiting
>See kids, that is why learning alchemy is useful
>I spew up some slightly digested mushrooms, and then while pointedly facing away from the rapist-cannibal, I start filling an empty jar with pee
>My vision starts blurring badly, and it suddenly feels like I had an intense orgasm in my nostrils
>What the hell was in those mushrooms?!?
>The ingredient shelf has labels on it now,, some are written in gooblygook, others disappear when you look directly at them, but a few are legible, including the one next to the mushrooms
>Anthrapuffballs, infused with LSDs, multiple Wish spells, arsenic, concentrated wild magic and far realm magic, and shavings from the Deck of Many Things, the Rod of Seven Parts, the Armageddon Rod, the Deadly Hallows, koala urine, and artificial flavoring
>Causes everything you hallucinate to become reality
>May cause itchiness, dry mouth, infertility, hyperfertility, transformation, spontaneous combustion, spontaneous explosions, spontaneous implosion, death, deletion from reality, and fever like symptoms in yourself or those around you
>Not recommended for use by anyone, ever
>May also destroy the fabric of reality
>That can’t be real can it?
>The letters on the label rearranged themselves to be a bunch of stick figures, then a bunch of dicks and boobs, and then the whole label disappears
“mumblemumblemumble..the boss just threw a bunch of shit in there."
>There are voices behind me, I don’t want people knowing I am high, this is so embarrassing

>>96911102
>I put on my phoniest smile, turn around and wave to show I am fine, realize I am peeing on the ground, and then turn back to face the ingredient shelf and grab another bottle, deeply embarrassed
>I actually feel really good though, oh look, my skin is sparkling, who are those guys again? and why are they in the woman’s washroom?
>More mumbled voices behind me, including something about “think of a door”
>I grab a third jar to fill with glowing rainbow colored pee, and then drop it to vomit up a thick stream of gooey rainbow colored liquid on the ground, brightly colored, three inch tall versions of me emerge from the puddle and run away screaming
>Ugh, this sucks, I just want to go home
>I hear more mumbled voices, are those two perverts still there?
“This is a woman’s washroom, look at the sign!”
>A public washroom sign appears in the air where I am pointing, and then falls to the ground with a clatter, and then turns into a clown that runs away, honking with each step
“female identifying beings are allowed too, I think?”
>I say with less confidence, not that it matters, having looked more closely at the two individuals, they are both female now, one is a jack-in-the-box in the form of a nude bimbo, the other is a scrawny woman in ill-fitting furs, frantically patting herself as if unfamiliar with her body, embedded from the knees down in the dirt of a giant flowerpot
>I hear some slow clapping behind me, and turn to see a giant statue of myself carved from marble, in the classical style, hands on hips, assertive
>Ohh, I can use that statue for the test, wait, what was the test again?
>There is still clapping coming from the statue, though it doesn’t move, and then it starts talking in my voice
“Don’t you see, you are a god here, reality bends to your very whim, the only thing that limits you is your imagination”

>>96911111
>Rainbow letters spelling the word “imagination” appear suspended in the air, and then fall to the ground. Three of the letters catch on fire, another begs for medical assistance, and another turns into several bunnies, which then explode into rainbows and bits of gore
“Don’t listen to her, these powers are only temporary, the more people you piss off when you have them, the worse it will be for you after they are gone, that is assuming the powers don’t kill you first”
This rather depressing advice comes from a smaller marble statue, depicting me hunched in fear, chewing on the fingernails of one hand while the other hand is used in a failed attempt to preserve its modesty
“Nonsense, these powers are perfectly safe”
>Says the assertive statue.
>Off in the distance, the fleeing clown is knocked over by a bowl of petunias that falls from the sky, and is then crushed by a falling sperm whale that splatters a considerable area with gore
>Some of my memories and fears start resurfacing at this point, and I realize I am still in the mad wizard’s pocket dimension, and the scrawny woman and the bimbo jack-in-the-box are actually the rapist-cannibal and “Bob”, both of whom I apparently transformed
>I realize someone, perhaps myself, was saying earlier that I should imagine a door back to reality, which I promptly do, and start running towards it
>Apparently some very small portion of me feels sorry for my two trapped enemies
>The flowerpot trapping the scrawny woman/rapist-cannibals legs disappears, and the bimbo jack-in-the-box/Bob is thrown from his box and grows legs
>I am probably going to regret freeing them, but my control over my powers is fickle at best, and I am already starting to feel the powers and hallucinations fade, perhaps I shouldn’t have vomited up the mushrooms after all

Bump

>>96906919
>>96911120
>Be Uftar the Marauded
>Lass isnt listening and ignores my advice
>She eats literal dung in order to vomit
>This woman is depraved as fuck
>She'll fit right in, well not the eating shit part
>We may be barbaric feral men but we don't eat dung at least
>She then chastises me saying this place is a woman's washroom
>A sign materialises then falls to the floor
>Suddenly I grow a pair of tit's and my cock turns into a vagina, the jack in a box next to me also turns into a woman
>Also I'm in a flower pot for some reason
>Oh fuck she's not listening
>Might have to knock her out after all
>I go to do so but then a door materialises
>Finally it got through
>She starts bolting for it, I try to as well but the flower pot stops me
>That is until it despawns, she must have felt bad
>Immediately start bolting for it taking the jill in a box with me
>Ok she's not in a box and her name probably wasn't jill but I didnt ask its name earlier
>Finally outside that magical realm, feel rain on my skin
>God do I miss it
>Take a look at myself, seeing as I'm now a woman its going to be slightly awkward
>Probably going to get laughed at and raped
>Well if that's going to happen might as well bring two more for the ride
>Starting with the mage who I knock out by grabbing her, turning her around, take her to the floor and then bash her head against the ground
>Once she's down for the count but still breathing, I start binding her
>Tie her hands, arms, legs and feet
>Next cover her eyes with a blindfold and put a gag in her mouth
>Thank Baleon he told all of us to pack this stuff if we ever capture mages
>I sling her onto my shoulders then turn to Jill
"I'll give you a chance to come willingly, already had to deal with her and I don't feel like slinging two girls on my shoulders"

>>96899943
>>96904168
>>96904191
>>96904731
>>96906954
>>96910415
>Be Horetta III, Lord Entilemen II’s Daughter-Wife, High Priestess of Non-Denominational Evil
>I am still watching events transpire via my magic orb from the safety of my chambers, but now Daxia is done giving me a tongue bath and is just serving me as a foot stool instead
>After two hours of watching invaders get tortured and tormented by the trap filled maze layer in hilarious and drawn out manners, the big showdowns between the leader of the invaders and my half-brother and a brief time later, the leader of the invaders versus the leader of the Coyotes were both pretty anti-climatic
>I should probably help my brother in some way, but I don’t really feel like it. Also this is either some sort of trap the other vampires convinced by brother to go along with, or he is actually gotten even stupider somehow
>Too bad about the Coyote leader being kicked in the groin, I was hoping to “sample his wares” so to speak, luckily the succubi cultists have a large stockpile of potions that both heal, and increase lust and pleasure, I send a succubus up to both offer him a couple of said potions, as well as offer to show him to the quarters I set aside for them, as the Coyotes seem to have enough of fighting for now and are now withdrawing
>Meanwhile Willy seems to be trying to flood the trap filled maze layer
>Good luck with that, despite frequently being called a “dungeon”, the main floor of the maze lair is actually the ground level of the castle, since the whole point is to trick invaders into thinking they have breached the castle at a location they can easily swarm into. Parts of the maze level extend a few floors above ground, and a few floors below ground, but even the deepest portions of the maze level have small tunnels leading outdoors to the ridge that will drain away water, at best he will be able to partially flood a few sections of the maze lair that don’t have drainage

>>96911798
>There aren’t many invaders left at this point, and they have managed to set off most the traps of the maze layer at least once
>Some of the invaders have managed to break out of the trap filled maze layer
>It won’t do them much good. There is nothing important on the upper levels of the castle other than barracks for mercenaries and low ranking cultists, courtyard shrines to the Evil Storm God and the God of the Bloody Hunt, and the “bone zone” cluster of buildings where Pierre the Lich lives with his skeleton army. Going downwards leads to the main lairs of the vampires, Succubus Queen Cult, Eldritch Horror Cult, Vecna Cult, and Evil Trickster Clown God Cult, none of whom trust each other, so their lairs have nearly as many traps as the maze lair
>Meanwhile on the outside, the Coyotes, succubi, and dwarf cultists have managed to disable the siege tank, and are close to taking it if they haven’t already done so. I will have to throw in a hefty bonus to the Coyotes, and a few personal favors to the Succubus Queen cult if they capture that thing intact enough to get it working again
>Also the King’s Royal Ambassador has arrived
>The King is a man of rather evil disposition, and from what I have heard he already has several evil factions whispering in his ear. I have been meaning to make some improvements to my spy network as well as forge some alliances with other evil or neutral factions, and bringing the Royal Ambassador under my sway seems like the perfect opportunity
>I have also heard that most of the King’s Court is still made up of the usual self-righteous normies who have found ways to justify serving evil to themselves, but still sometimes object to blatantly evil behavior like demon worship and necromancy, so I will have to handle this carefully

>>96911805
>By carefully I just mean getting his defenses down with bribes of gold, sex, knowledge, magic, whatever floats his boat, and then trying to get my hooks into him with blackmail, offers of additional bribes, geas, replace him with a doppelganger, whatever works
>I send a disguised succubus up to greet him, spin some tale about a land dispute with a neighboring lord, and claim both sides have been using undead and monsters as fodder for quite some time now, which is not uncommon in the borderlands. Also the succubus is to assess options for swaying, corrupting, or replacing the Ambassador.

>>96906954
>>96911629
>>96911798
>>96904168
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Pulled out from the castle and linked back up with the rest of the Coyotes
>Severely depleted in terms of men
>As mentioned I'll have to do a recruitment drive
>For now I walk over to Stannis' corpse and place a hand on him
>We'll see you soon brother
>Notice a woman in I'll fitting furs carrying that fine piece of chocolate ass with her
>There's also another naked woman who is just standing there
>The woman speaks apparently she's Uftar and has had a long day in a magical realm that resulted in him being turned into a woman
>Take a minute to laugh at Uftar's plight
>We'll figure out a way to turn him back
>Maybe after a few rounds
>Look over to see that siege engine causing the ruckus earlier
>Well I'll be, that's pretty metal
>Then a couple succubi fly my way with gifts of potions and passage to our quarters for the night
>Still leave a few guys behind to sort out the siege engine
"Alright, thanks for the gifts ladies we'll follow you. Baleon, Uftar bring some of the lads with you we're getting our reward"
>Baleon smirks as he picks up a bound elf
>A few guys drag Stannis body
>We'll revive him in our new quarters seeing as it'll be safer to do so
>Ask the succubi what the potions do whilst they lead us to our reward
>Healing potions that also boost lust and pleasure
>Noice
>Going to need that to patch my dick up
>Still sore from getting a metal boot to it
>Thankfully its still there and this potion will fix it
>I'm going to get absolutely wasted on ale and shrooms
>I'll go easy on these new potions
>Only need one after all

>>96911120
>>96911629
>>96911842
>Be Bob the Jack in the Box
>man the boss can be a real pain in the ass sometimes why did he even make that mushroom shit
>reality is collapsing as this girl starts losing her mind, the shelf of stuff is melting, now we're in a ladies bathroom, there's a clown getting crushed by a sperm whale and I think I see a spaceship somewhere
>but somehow the mercenary's words got through to her and she imagines a door with an exit sign over it
>the merc grabs me and makes a run for it, jumping through as the pocket dimension collapses in on itself
>think I see willy the illusion wandering back in with the art critic only for them to melt into a puddle of good
>he'll be alright, he wasn't actually real anyway
>the art critic is probably dead though
>Anyway, I actually escaped and I'm back in reality!
>also I'm a woman now
>shrug my shoulders, I've been turned into worse, and my figure isn't too bad
>the merc turns to me after he knocks the girl unconscious and gives me a leer
>"I'll give you a chance to come willingly, already had to deal with her and I don't feel like slinging two girls on my shoulders"
>don't really care what happens to her but I don't like the idea of getting raped by smelly mercs for the rest of my life
>about to say yes to give me time to come up with a plan to escape when I see the boss floating out of the castle on a fluffy chair
>Take a moment to think about it
>Take several moments to think about it
>Eh fuck it
>Cup my hands to my mouth and yell at the top of my voice
"BOSS! SHE PASSED THE TEST!"

>>96904731
>>96911120
>>96911629
>>96911798
>>96912485
>Be Wicked Willy the Wizard
>Looking down at the castle from my chair and making plans
>Hmmm... yes....
>I don't actually know what I'm doing I just go with the vibes in the moment
>And the vibes tell me...
>THE FLOOR IS LAVA!
>wave my hands and turn all the water I summoned into boiling pitch because lava is overdone
>make sure to also dump some wherever there's succubi because I still don't like them
>giggling to myself as I float around in the middle of the storm when I hear a voice on the wind
>look down at the field
>there's some naked woman waving at me near the mercenaries
>try to ignore her but she's still yelling at me
>float down to shut her up for good only to realise it's Bob
>how'd Bob get out and when did he turn into a woman?
>she escapes the grip of the mercenary and explains that the girl I kidnapped passed the test
>don't really care, I forgot why I even wanted her
>then bob says she survived eating my mushrooms
>the orange reality bender ones?
>oh now that is interesting
>sadly it looks like the mercenary is more interested in her than me
>think for a moment
>aha! Point at the mercenary and the girl.
"I am Willy Wizard, and in this chilly blizzard, I grant you both a wish! Don't waste this little gift, it's too precious to be whiffed, so be careful to not go squish! Ta ta!"
>summon a blizzard so my words make sense and send bob back to the pocket dimension to clean things up
>wander off looking for those dwarves I paid that one mercenary to find for me

>>96911842
>>96912548
>>96912485
>Be Uftar the Marauder
>The former Jack in the box refuses
>Oh well guess I'll slug them
>Though the wizard who probably owned the pocket dimension takes her away
>The wizard is offering both myself and the mage chick a wish
>Can wish for practically anything just can't waste it
>Kirk looks at me whilst being lead by the succubi essentially telling me to move my arse
>Before he leads I give my wish
"I wish for this mage chick to not wake up with a hang over from her drug trip when she eventually wakes up. I figure its the least I can do for slugging her and forcing her to join the warband"
>Baleon then steps in
"Oi wizard, dwarves are under a sign in arcane sign round about the dungeon area. Enjoy whatever it is you have in mind for them"
>He then wanders off and I follow hopefully the wish spell still takes effect
>Nothing worse then a reality effecting trip and then getting knocked out for it
>I take her mouth gag out just so she can speak her wish when she wakes up

>>96884651
>>96886696
>>96899179
>>96911120
>>96911842
>>96912548
>Be Vaxilla the Succubus
>The wizard hits me with a curse that makes me all old and wrinkled
>I am no match for his power, so I teleport deep into the Evil Forest and decide to kill some time tormenting any survivors I find who are fleeing the battle
>I actually don’t mind the new look, my specialty is messing with minds via enchantment spells rather than physical seduction
>Victim #1 is a human mercenary who somehow made it pretty deep into the woods, but stopped for a piss, I convince him his cock has turned into a snake which causes him to slice it off with his own dagger
>Victim #2 is an elf maiden fleeing the battle on a horse, I feel she has ridden that poor horse enough and it is time for them switch, I leave her ass up tied naked to a fallen tree with her now very randy horse
>Victims #3 and #4 are a pair of alpha male werewolves fighting over a pile of fresh kills while their respective packs, who are long time rivals, watch, I make them temporarily gay and horny for each other, I wonder if their love will mend the feud between the packs, and what will happen when the enchantments wear off. I don’t bother to stick around to find out though, often the imagined scenarios are better than the actual result
>Victims #5 and #6 are a human mercenary and a female elf soldier stuck in a giant spider web, thy ask for a hand, so I give them both hand jobs, and then leave
>I then spend some time outside Yaga the Hag’s cottage, as survivors unwisely seek shelter there
>A fleeing mercenary bangs on her door and asks to be hidden, she shrinks him down to a foot tall, puts him in a jar full of leaches, and then hides it under her bed, for future pleasures no doubt
>A young hobbit cook comes next and seems to suspect she might be dealing with a hag and is careful not to ask for anything, until she slips up and asks for milk with her tea, and is promptly turned part-way into a cow

>>96914026
>Daaammmnn, transmutation has all the best spells, I will need to find a way to learn some someday
>I also spend some time watching The Pumpkin Man, Slenderman, Caspia the Horny Ghost, the Cock-Stealer Fairies, and Norbert the Ghoul King do their respective things, it never hurts to learn from fellow sexual predators
>I find that I have wandered back to the vicinity of the castle and go check in on things there
>There is a bunch of those Coyote mercenaries outside, along with a wrecked siege engine, a few captured dwarfs, and a few of my sister succubi and their servants
>Also a bound elf and the unconscious form of that dark skinned woman I was trying to corrupt earlier, both of whom are no doubt destined to join the Coyotes’ harem
>I cast one of my strongest spells, which makes the captured women and dwarfs super horny for the next few hours, or even days, though they will probably be very ashamed once the spell wears off
>Maybe I will come back and watch the results later, but for now there are still games to be played in the Evil Forest
>I teleport away

>>96911120
>>96912548
>>96912572
>>96914063
>Be Starbright
>Get grappled by the scrawny woman/rapist-cannibal within seconds of returning to the real world
>Well that is the least surprising betrayal ever
>She is now only slightly bigger than me due to the transformation, but she still knows all the unarmed fighting techniques that were probably drilled into her from an early age, so I don’t stand a chance
>I get knocked out in the time it takes for me to process this information
>I get woken up by a sudden burning need for sexual relief
>I try to grab myself right away, but then find out I have been bound with rope, and am also blindfolded
>My mouth still works though
“Gaah, untie me you freaks, I need to deal with something!”
>“Wish granted!” says an amused voice in my head, I think it is the mad wizard but I am not in the proper mind state to dwell on anything for more than half-a-second
>The ropes binding me fall to pieces, and I tear the blindfold off my face and stand up
>There are a bunch of those rapey barbarian types nearby, but most of them are heading towards the castle and not paying attention to me
>The scrawny woman/rapist-cannibal is standing nearby looking perplexed about something
>It takes every inch of my remaining willpower not to demand the barbarians start an orgy with me right then and there
>Instead I flee for the Evil Forest
>I don’t have a plan other than flee to safety, hide, then masturbate
>Actually, I am just going to go ahead and combine steps 1 and 3 of my plan...

>>96912572
>>96916098
>Be Uftar the Marauder
>Taking the mage with us when she finally makes her wish
>Her wish was to be free
>So of course all the binding was for naught
>I look perplexed mostly because she used her wish and I wonder if shes fine from the trip seeing as my wish was for her not to have a hang over from her reality warping trip
>She looks at some of my "friends" with a bit of desire before she then starts running towards the woods
>Go to follow but Kirk tells me to leave her
>Already messed around enough
>Besides according to Kirk
"She'll be back, they always want the real thing"
>We continue our journey into the castle to not only get our reward but meet our employer
>Hope to God most the guys leave me alone
>Dont fancy getting raped especially if it means no spell can turn me back if I get knocked up
>Lesbian sex sounds fun though might give it a whirl

>>96904731
>>96910415
>>96911805
>>96912548
>Be mercenary Captain Jr.
>This place is a fucking maze.
>We managed to get out of the dungeon as it was flooding, only to come to a disjointed mishmash of rooms of rooms from every horror cliche you can imagine, what's worse I know for a fact I've passed through some of these rooms multiple times no matter what door I take.
>I've managed to dodge most of the traps but not all my soldiers were so lucky.
>Opening doors into tentacle monsters, or demon orgies, or tentacle monster demon orgies.
>Not even sure how all this fits inside one castle.
>I don't even know where Lord Entilement is at this point, I lost him on the stairs that loop back down to the bottom some how.
>While running though this mess I did bump into a diplomat that's joining us on our sprint through this hell though.
>Hopefully we can find some kind of room this guy is hiding in.
>Also the floor just turned into lava because why not?
>We're in some kind of library so I start climbing a book case and get to the top as the shelves burn underneath, then jump onto a chandelier and swing to to the 2nd? story balcony.
>THere I find soem tapestries and tear them down throwing them to the floor below for my men and the diplomat to climb up.
>While they climb I take a moment to breath.
>Hell of a night, wonder what's going on outside?

>>96884566
>>96911798
>>96911842
>>96914063
>Be Daxia the Succubus
>I have been pressed into duty as one of the succubi who get to lead the Coyotes to their new chambers, and cater to their needs once they get settled in
>I am not actually sure whether they plan on staying a while or not, and neither is Horetta, but she has prepared for both eventualities
>It takes a reasonable amount of time for the group to travel all the way back to the castle, and into their appointed guest suites, during which time the bound elf they are carrying with them, who Vaxilla clearly put a spell on, has reached superhuman levels of sexual frustration
>The rooms themselves are decorated and furnished with our guests in mind
>Animal furs and skulls have replaced some of the more frilly decorations, and paintings of wild revelry and wild animals have replaced some of the more sadistic paintings
>A huge feast of multiple spit roasted oxen and swine is on the banquet table, as are numerous large kegs of mead, ale, and beer
>The gold coins they were promised are in a big pile on a nearby table, with a few empty chests and bags so the barbarians can split it up and transported it when they are ready to leave
>There are three pieces of parchment on the table next to the gold coins, one is very generous offer for long-term employment in the upcoming campaign against nearby lands, the second is an invitation from Horetta for the mercenary leader to join her in her chambers at his convenience, and the third is a price list for clerical services like resurrection

>>96917036
>And all the virgins that Horetta could round up are in the suite’s dedicated sex dungeon, tied to various pieces of equipment, but the barbarians can easily free them if desired if they want to use the beds instead. Some are very apprehensive of their fate, though that can be fixed easily enough with the lust provoking healing potions scattered around the suites, or just asking me or one of my fellow succubi for assistance. Others have been turned into mindbroken sex fiends, with the Princess Primrose being by far the most far gone among them
>I stand in a corner and watch as the barbarians celebrate their good fortune
>Hopefully they either dismiss me or ask me to join in, otherwise this could get boring quickly

>>96910415
>>96911798
>>96916941
>Be Archibald Sumptropicus
>Wandering through the halls looking for the owner when some well armed mercenaries covered in blood and mud run through and forcibly take me with them
>What in the King's name is going on?
>we're running through maze-like corridors until the water covering the floor starts heating up, and all my footmen fall over and start burning
>the floor is lava
>enter a library and climb up a book case as everything starts burning
>the mercenary leader helps me up so I guess he's not all bad
>take out my handkerchief to wipe my face, gods this place is hot
>Pray tell me sir, you seem like a gentleman, tell me what is going on here and where I may find the Lord Entilement, if you please.
>I must discuss with him the state of these lands, for it seems as if a court wizard may be needed
>Also notice a very hot (beauty wise, not temperature) young woman has appeared, get flustered and try to make myself look presentable, she must be one of the castle inhabitants

>>96911842
>>96917043
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Finally lead to our reward
>A massive room with food, gold, ale and a dungeon flooded nearby with the sounds of bound whores
>Succubi all over
>Stannis is dragged in and Baleon uses true resurrection to bring him back
>My half brother, the half giant he is stands up clearly confused but happy to see me
"Stannis, welcome back to the world of the living and just in time for the party"
>He gives a wide dopey smile
>I then head over to one of the kegs and fill a very large tanker to give a speech
"COYOTES! We've travelled far and fought hard! Now let's party theres plenty of food, ale and women to partake in as we see fit! Let's leave these whores with several bastards to remember us by!"
>Start to chug my ale
>Down the whole tanker in my hand
>My men roar out in glee as they begin the debauchery
>I take a swig of the provided healing aphrodisiac, mostly just to reverse the pain of being kicked there by the merc captain
>I look over to one of the tables
>An invite for me to visit the lady of the castle at my convenience
>Well can't say no to that
>But first that succubus who seemed to lead the others that brought us here
>I go on over
"Have as much fun as you want. You girls won't be unsatisfied"
>I give her a slap on the arse and head down to the dungeon
>Absolutely ripe in here with pheromones
>Notice one in particular
>Is that?
>An Elven Princess
>What a find, shes desperate to
>Well who am I to refuse
>Force myself on her
>Can hear some of the lads upstairs having some fun with the succubi or having drinks and food

>>96914063
>>96916098
>Be Vaxilla the Succubus
>As I prowl the Evil Forest for more prey, I am delighted to see the dark skinned naked woman running through the dark, one hand trying to pleasure herself, the other trying to shield her eyes from all the twigs she keeps running into
>Like most of the humans I have encountered in the woods tonight, she is clearly all but blind due to the night and the storm, with only the occasional flash of lightning to provide her light
>Nor does she realize the horny spell I cast on her only allows her (a small amount) of relief if someone else is involved, playing with herself just makes it worse
>I notice she is running blindly straight towards one of the strangler vine pits the Pumpkin Man set up to snare victims
>Oh noes, won’t it be oh so unfortunate if she falls in
>I will help her out of course, for a price

>>96916098
>>96917279
>Be Starbright
>Be sprinting through the Evil Forest, wondering when I should switch to step 2 of my plan so I can more fully focus on step 3
>No idea how the barbarians didn’t easily catch and rape me, part of me kind of wished that they did. Not just because it would have provided much needed sexual relief, but also because being a sex slave for the barbarians is likely a much better fate than anything I am likely to find out here
>Perhaps the barbarian I transformed feels he/she is repaying a debt by calling his/her buddies off, or perhaps she/he just hates me so much for transforming him to a her that she/he feels that a bad end in the Evil Forest is no less than I deserve
>Between the near complete darkness, my muddled fears, and the near all consuming sexual hysteria it shouldn’t have been too surprising that I find myself falling into a ravine filled with thorny vines that immediately start wrapping themselves around my limps and head
>It seems incredibly unfair that I have survived so many things tonight only to be killed by a glorified house plant, but even the fear of imminent death has a hard time piercing through the fog of extreme lust
>I wonder if this is one of those vines that violates you, at least that way I might finally get some relief before I die
>Ugh this is so degrading, I should have never left Dreamwoke and travelled to this fucking hellhole, just kill me or violate me or both, I can’t take this anymore!
>Then a withered, horned, ancient looking woman in an ill-fitting corset and stockings appears, and squats down in front of me. The vines ignore her
>Fuck, that is almost certainly some sort of hag, if not something worse
>The first thing you learn about hags at the mage academy is not to ask anything from them
“You got to get me out of here, I will do anything!”
>I scream instead, in a very frantic tone

>>96917693
>That is the exact opposite of what to do in these situations, it is like my subconscious is trying to railroad me into the worst possible situations
>I try to think of a way to backtrack what I said, and then vine slides its way into my mouth and down my throat
>The good news is there are few ways this could possibly get worse

>>96916941
>>96917163
>Be Libra the Nerd Succubus
>I spend most of my time maintaining one of the succubus cult libraries, but apparently Horetta needs my extensive knowledge of local politics and law to win over the Royal Ambassador
>Also they are already in my library....so....
>I quickly transform myself into a demure but attractive looking human female court official and head over to the section of the library where the Royal Ambassador is sitting on top of a bookcase with a group of invaders, including their leader
>How did they get out of the Dungeon Lair? And why is the floor on fire? Oh my poor precious books, luckily most of them were written in the Lower Planes and thus are resistant to a little heat
>I steel my nerves, and then hop from table to table to get close to the Ambassador and his new friends
>I cough politely, remember to sweat a bit, and then launch into my hastily improved speech
“On behalf of the Lord and Lady of the Castle, I demand you withdraw your forces at once, so his lordship the Royal Ambassador can resolve this conflict by the proper legal channels!”
>I then turn slightly so it is clear I am addressing primarily the Royal Ambassador

>>96917882
“For those in this room who do not know, the father of this knave sitting among you was tasked with mediating a dispute between the previous king and his third cousin, the Lord Entilement II, but instead resolving the dispute peacefully like he was supposed to, this man’s father provoked a bloody siege, and then afterwards seized much of Entilement’s lands as his own, ruling over them tax free while the Entilements pay taxes with few resources at our disposal. They have even let wealthy dwarf engineers build and sell equipment from the tax haven they have created. And now they seek to seize the last of the Entilement lands with a mercenary army paid for with their ill-gotten goods, and even hired a mad wizard to wreck havoc on our forces, and render our castle unfit for habitation, as you can see by the burning floor before you. Should you speak to the King on our behalf, we would be very grateful, and would provide a large financial bonus of course, or perhaps other sorts of bonuses if you are interested...”
>With this last phase, I open the top button of my dress, as if troubled by the heat, and also send some subtle suggestions into the Ambassador’s mind to increase his lust and greed
>If that doesn’t work, well, some of the things I said are actually true, and most of the rest are hard to disprove

>>96917279
>>96917703
>Be Vaxilla the Succubus
>This is too easy
“Anything huh? Okay, you have to agree to anything anyone asks or demands of you for the next week, or your soul belongs to me forever.”
>And then I teleport her to the suite of rooms where the Coyotes are having an increasingly wild party, and then turn invisible in order to watch the results
>My instructions were intentionally vague, half the fun is going to be watching her struggle to interpret what counts as an ask or a demand
>The other half of the fun is seeing how long she can avoid being pulled into the orgy given the horny curse I put on her, the need to do everything everyone wants, and the general forceful nature of the barbarians
>Also I don’t actually get her soul if she screws up, since I couldn’t be bothered to put the paperwork together, but she doesn’t know that

>>96917703
>Be Starbright
>Did I actually just make a deal with a hag?
>One that involves my immortal soul?
>This is unbelievable levels of bad
>And to top it off, she just teleported me into a room full of rapey barbarians
>And despite everything I still can’t stop touching myself
>Okay
>Think
>Now think about something other than sex
>Most of the barbarians are doing a drinking song and are facing away from me
>Okay step 1, get out of the room before anyone tries to talk to me
>I tiptoe to the nearest entryway into the room, but hear loud sex noises coming from somewhere down a flight of stairs
>I barely resist the urge to go down and join in
>Lets try a door on the other side of the room
>I get intercepted by succubus serving drinks
“Do you want a beer?”
“Yes”
“How about two?”
“Yes”
“Those scratches look painful, do you need a healing potion? They also boost your desire”
“Yes”
>She hands me two large mugs full of beer, then pours a potion into each
“Drink those up quickly now, you will feel better in no time, talk to me later if you want to have some real fun”
“Yes”
>I start chugging the beers like my life depends on it, which it kind of does, my afterlife anyways
>The beers are absolutely massive, I wonder if I can get out of talking to her later if I pass out from intoxication
>I also wonder if I can resist going to talk to her as soon as I start getting a slight buzz, the only reason I am not touching myself right now is because both my hands are occupied

>>96912548
>>96912572
>>96916941
>>96917184
>>96911798
>Be Wicked Willy the Wizard
>Slap myself in the face when these two mortals waste their wish
>Oh well, that's mortals for you, absolutely no sense in 'em
>Point a finger at the sky and make it start raining piss because I'm in a bad mood
>About to smite everything in the area when the smelly forest wizard steps over and tells me he put all the dwarves under an arcane sign in the dungeon area
>Start grinning from ear to ear
>Reach into my cloak and throw him a rotten hand that'll turn anything it touches with its fingers into gold
>It'll rot away in the next 3 hours, so he better be quick!
>Summon my fluffy chair and go flying towards the dungeon where I can see the dwarves
>Dispel the sign and their bondings
>Make sure to heal a few that were roughed up too
>They start grumbling about working with "a bloody wizard" but I'm going to change their tune
>throw them several bags of holding
"There's an endless supply of dynamite in those bags. Have fun boys! Don't bring the castle down too quickly now!"
>Wave and sit back and wonder what mystical thing I should do next

>>96917184
>>96919032
>>96919323
>Be One Eyed Baleon
>After bringing back Stannis the wizard appears and for my services rewards me rotting hand that for 3 hours turns any object the fingers touch into gold
>Not bad, probably should have asked he don't destroy the place as a reward for getting him those dwarves
>Then again hes probably going to use them for destructive purposes
>I keep the hand safe and turn a few pebbles I have on me into gold
>Whilst Kirk only noticed the letter getting him a private meeting with the lady of the castle I have a read of the long term contract and costs for resurrection
>Quite steep for resurrection if we are to revive all our dead
>Cheaper for animals though
>Probably a good thing we've got a substantial pay and this hand
>Long term employment demands we act as marauders in campaigns against nearby lands
>Dangerous but pay is good and we get to keep a share of spoils
>Also means more opportunities to get hammered and rape
>Speaking of rape
>I have an Elven bladesinger to rape, shes been bound up for quite a while so I think I'll toy with her for a bit

>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Finished up with the Elven princess, shes definitely carrying a couple bastards after tonight
>Legs spasming all over
>Man that potion got the motion back in
>Think I'll grab a bite before I go visit the lady
>Head upstairs where I find the dark skinned mage
>I told Uftar she'd come crawling to us eventually
>She's drinking two beers and one of those healing aphrodisiacs
>Think I'll give her a go before our employer
>Give the mage a slap on the arse and hold her
"Oi Uftar get here, you and I are going to have fun with chocolate here. Ain't that right?"
>I smile wickedly at her
>Not going to let her run away this time

>>96917163
>>96917882
>>96917884
>Be mercenary captain Jr.
>While climbing up the centuries old banner the diplomat asks me if I know where lord Entilement is?
>I laugh and tell him if I knew that it would solve a lot of my own problems to.
>While everyone is almost up I turn and see a woman dressed like a librarian standing on the lava.
>I can't make out what she is saying from up here and the crackling of the burning shelves but she seams hot and starts to unbutton her shirt.
>After dealing with so many mimics, fake doors, traps, and succubi in this place I don't trust this for a second but figure she can lead us to the master of this hell and shout down at her that she should get up here so we can hear her better.
>While her back is turned looking for a way up I start the long process of loading my flintlock just in case things go bad, thankfully all this heat and running around has dried the powder.

>>96901151
>>96903702
>>96903716
>>96919323
>Be me.
>Dwarf mega steamtank engineer.
>Wake up after an unknown amount of time in the engine room.
whydoesitsmelllikepiss.ruinstone
>Looking around my precious baby is dead in he water and I hear scraping and thudding about on the decks above me
boarders.goldcarving
>I make my way over to a glass case that reads "BREAK INCASE OF EMERGENCIES" in high dwarven and smash it open with my fist.
>I then pull out a wrench as big as me and get to work on the pipes, trying to bring my proudest creation back to life while also looking for my brothers who were also likely knocked out.
>As a work, one of those slutty bat manling demons drops down from the levels above me.
>I throw a chunk of coal at her, and while she's busy coughing cave her skull in with the wrench.
neverinterruptadwarfatwork.grudge
>While replacing a burnt dial on the level up theirs banging from one of the doors and a group of dwarves I don't recognize dressed similar to the demons burst in.
>I let out a loud battle cry and drop from the balcony onto them swinging my wrench above my head.

>>96911821
>>96919323
>Be Horetta
>Chilling in my chambers, waiting to see if Sir Kirk shows up
>Decide to check in on what Willy is up to
>He is giving bags of dynamite to a bunch of dwarfs
>Hmm, mildly interesting
>Surely he must know this castle is all but immune to conventional explosives, and that large parts of it exist in pocket dimensions
>But maybe the dynamite is magically enchanted to tear holes in the fabric of reality itself
>Wouldn’t that be amazing?
>The various evil cults who dwell here have been trying to punch holes in reality at this location for centuries, but the magic of the castle prevents it
>I tell the Eldritch Horror Cult and the Evil Trickster Clown Cult that the dwarfs have something they may be interested in

>>96919701
>Be Uftar the Marauder
>On my fifth tankard of ale
>Kissed and fingered a couple succubi
>Had to keep the others in the warband away from me
>Not letting them test me
>Kirk calls me over hes got the mage held in a grab
>Wants me to join him in a threesome with her
>Look at the girl shes clearly going through something
>Probably just wants to get drunk
"Let her be Kirk. I'll let you use me if you just leave her be."
>Shit this ain't like me, I'd be down for a threesome normally
>Guess I'm just tired of dealing with her
>Not her fault she got put in a situation where she was facing our warband
>Also not her fault for having the worst trip in her life because of those mushrooms in a wizards pocket realm
>Kirk relents letting her go
>At least he made sure she wouldn't spill her drinks
>breathe a sigh of relief as he walks away for now
>Look at the girl
"Sorry about my boss and for kidnapping you. If you want I'll make sure none of the other guys try anything. Try and enjoy yourself with beer and food"

>>96920846
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Welp Uftar owes me later guess I'll head to the chambers of our new full time employer
>It'll be nice to meet her face to face seeing as our contact has just been a floating elf head and her succubi allies
>A succubus leads the way to the chamber and soon we arrive
>Rather then knocking I open the door and head on in
>My eyes look around the room before finally setting on my employer
"Greetings your majesty, I'm Kirk, leader of the Coyotes its a pleasure to meet you face to face"
>Give a slight bow though its blatantly apparent I dont normally do any bowing
>Mostly cause I haven't really needed to
>Party too hard after raids and never been hired by royalty because we are a bunch of marauders

>>96920846
>>96924074
>Be Horetta
>Watching through my magic orb as one of the clearly magical dynamite sticks explodes, demolishing the lower portion of a tower, while the upper portion floats in mid air
>Also cracks in reality start forming, and energies from the Far Realms, the Abyss, and other bad places start to seep in
>Fascinating, but bad news for anyone still in the castle
>I receive word that some of the more powerful inhabitants of the castle are leaving via magical means, while others are sticking it out to see what happens
>A few even believe some ancient evil will emerge if the rifts in reality get big enough
>Which would be neat to see, but the exposure to insanity inducing energies that mould your very flesh aren’t worth it, nor is the risk of random monsters stepping out of reality directly in front of you
>I start toying with the ring that will teleport me to one of the Succubus Queen’s many pleasure palaces hidden in the Lower Planes, which though it may seem counterintuitive, is the safest place I know since I am apparently essential to several of the Succubus Queen’s plans
>Also they have great orgies in there
>Speaking of orgies, Sir Kirk finally arrives
>A pity the timing wasn’t better, but I appreciate the level of effort it takes to start up and run a band of unhinged individuals, so I warn him that everyone in the castle is in extreme danger and that he and the Coyotes should either spend a few days with me in the pleasure palace where we can get very acquainted, or he should get his men as far away from the castle as possible before reality starts getting too fragmented
>But not to worry though, I am still interested in hiring him to do some raiding for as long as he is interested, and I can still pay in gold and virgins, just the accommodations may not be as luxurious

>>96924074
>>96926280
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Rise up from my bow
>Talk with my new employer for a bit
>Apparently the castle had a part of it destroyed by magic dynamite and now it's at risk of fragmenting
>She offers to take my men to a pleasure palace in a lower realm
>We can get acquainted there
"Yeah sounds good to me, got any spells that can mass transport the place you set me and my men up at? Kinda want to take the place with us because the drinks, food and whores are quality"
>Hopefully she does
>Whilst I wait for the answer I study her a bit
>She's a skinny but an attractive woman in very gothic attire
>Can tell that she may be slightly inbred
>Ah well I'll be giving her a child that can diversify up the gene pool quite a lot
>Because much like with the Elven Princess in the sex dungeon
>I intend to have a very very good time

>>96919032
>>96919701
>>96924074
>Be Starbright
>The Coyote leader appears behind me and squeezes my butt hard, I barely manage to suppress a moan, and I feel suddenly a lot warmer
>The leader calls over the barbarian I accidentally transformed, who to my great surprise convinces the leader to leave me alone, and even offers to take my place as the leader’s next sexual partner
>Strange, this seems like very out of character behaviour for him/her, I wonder if becoming a woman has changed their perspective on things, although it is politically incorrect to say such things back home, I have always suspected that the female gender is the most naturally empathetic
>Speaking of gender politics, it is kind of strangely progressive how willing the barbarians are to fuck their former brother just because he got transformed into a woman
>I realize this is the first time in what seems like a while that I am thinking about something other than how to suppress the horny curse, or how to avoid losing my soul to the hag
>Also my vision is starting to get a bit blurry
>Yep, that will be the alcohol starting to kick in, even one of these beer mugs will be enough to get me wasted, both will get me black out drunk
>The transformed barbarians offers to watch my back and also enjoy the food and beer, and I agree to both due to the whole “not wanting to lose my soul thing”
>Part of me curses him/her for saying something that requires I stay at the party longer, where even the most casual comment can add even more restrictions on my behaviour that I need to adhere to in order to protect my soul, until eventually I forget one or get given two that contradict each other in an impossible manner
>The increasingly drunk part of me and the horny cursed part of me just wants to get wasted and get fucked silly, and I deeply suspect that part of me is going to be assuming direct control in the near future

>>96926532
>I drink the two beer mugs in order to meet the requirements of the sexy server’s advice, then go grab the smallest beer I can find and a peace of meat to meet the requirements of the sexy female barbarian’s advice

>>96917163
>>96917882
>>96919703
>Be Archibald Sumptropicus
>The young girl from the castle is currently giving a speech while seemingly trying to take off all her clothes because it's too hot in here, poor thing
>Getting a little worried about the amount of skin she's showing, surely some of the uneducated barbarians in this room will be provoked into something untoward such an innocent looking young girl
>About to advise her to stop when I realise what she's saying
>I'm standing next to the son of a would-be usurper
>Oh Hell
>I'm not cut out for high stakes political manoeuvring and backstabbing, it's why I left the capital
>Can't even come up with an excuse to get out of it because someone is going to be sending messages back to the capital
>And if they find out I'm fabricating everyone's opinions then I'm toast
>Trying to think of what to do while the young girl loosens more of her clothes
>Stare at her in shock, she should surely realise that the men here will start thinking crude thoughts if she goes too far
>Which means I better distract them
>Point to the mercenary leader, the son of the usurper
"If what this girl says is true, then you have a lot to answer for, sir! Have you anything to say?"
>Look over at the girl, who is still loosening her clothes from the heat
"Perhaps if you could lead us to the Lord or Lady of the castle, things may be resolved, and I can send messages to Court!"
>Wonder briefly if getting involved with this mess is a good idea, but it's better than letting these brutes do something untoward to this girl
>And maybe I can get some gold from the involved parties too

>>96926280
>>96926448
>Be Horetta
>Be pleased that Sir Kirk appreciates the time I put into setting up his men’s quarters, and even more pleased that he is willing to join me in the pleasure palace
>I inform him that I unfortunately lack the resources to transport an entire room into another dimension, but I open a portal to my own private room in the palace, and instruct the succubi partying with the Coyotes to open portals to the adjacent room in the palace
>I tell him the rooms of the pleasure palace will quickly alter to accommodate the collective desires of a large group of individuals, changing decorations and furniture, supplying preferred drinks, food, sexual partners, and anything else that fits in a large room
>I then walk through the portal to my room in the palace, remove my crown and dress in two swift motions and assume a position next to my luxurious bed
>The room is cluttered with every implement of pain and pleasure imaginable, but Kirk seems like the type who prefers a simple direct approach
>Or he may need to spend some time coaxing his men into the portals to their room
>That is okay, I am a patient girl

>>96926448
>>96926532
>>96926807
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Lady Horetta tells me she has no spell capable of taking everything but is pleased I liked the quarters and will be going with her
>On the bright side at least the Pleasure Palace will provide food, drinks and plenty of succubi whores
>Alright works for me
>Quickly run to tell my men to grab the gold and any other whores and to go through the portals opened up by the succubi
>I then head back to the portal in Lady Horetta's room where shes undressed and on her bed
>Well who am I to deny her
>Smirk as I get on the bed and kiss her
>Spot her ring on her finger
>Its alright, her husband is probably dead if he doesnt get out of the castle in time
>Not that it was going to stop me anyway

>Be Baleon
>Tasked by Kirk to take as much gold and whores with us through the portals
>Tuck the hand away safely and grab my bound elf slave slinging her onto my shoulders
>Tell Stannis to grab the gold by dragging the tables, making trips if he has to
>I'll sort them out when we relocate to organise it
>Lead the Coyote packs in and hope no succubus tries getting it on with our pets essentially
>Stannis does as told able to do so owing to being half giant, though hes slightly groggy still from true resurrection
>The realm on the otherside of the portal has a ton of food, drinks and succubi
>Welp the lads are going to party hard
>Especially with the women they took from the dungeon
>Notice an Elven princess is getting carried in whilst still being fucked
>Might give her a go when I finish sorting gold out and continuously fingering my bound up slave in order to make her more desperate

>Be Uftar the Marauder
>Seems like we're having to move
>Mage seemed anxious and I want to help
>I'll just ask her
"Seems like the castle is about to come down judging from an explosion and how quickly we seem to be packing up so I'll ask. Do you want to come with us or take your chance and flee the castle by yourself?"

>>96919323
>>96919701
>>96919899
>>96926633
>>96926807
>>96927480
>Be Wicked Willy the Wizard
>The dwarves are blowing holes all through the castle with my infinite magic dynamite
>Also the dynamite mixed with the dark magic running around everywhere is opening holes to the void and worse dimensions, an unexpected but fun side effect
>But I know that holes to reality won't do much, these unknown and nameless things need something serious to attract them to the mortal plane like the sacrifice of a million souls or a particularly nasty sorcerer bottling up his hatred for millenia and unleashing it all at once
>unfortunately all these folks have is me
>Scratch my head for a few seconds before chuckling to myself
>wave my hands and a table appears before me covered in mounds and mounds of beans
>start gobbling it all up and finish just as the entire area starts to shift into a side dimension of its own
>purple lightning is flashing all around the crumbling walls of the castle and I can see dark things flutter at the edge of my vision
>even the succubi are starting to have trouble keeping themselves grounded in reality, the ones near the dwarven tank are flickering in and out of existence
>not to worry, they'll have something to keep them concentrated on this realm soon
>down a potion of strength
>the kind that makes everything you do a thousandfold stronger
>I could knock this castle over with my hand if I wanted to right now, but that's not what I'm going to do
>bend over and point my behind at the castle
>time to let 'er rip
PLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP
>I think I just invented chemical warfare

>>96900194
>>96916941
>>96926280
>>96926807
>>96927480
>Be Vampire lord Entilement the Eye Eyend
>Finally lost those blasted mercenaries and reached my daughter-wife Horetta's chamber.
outofbreath.noble
>I burst open the door not bothering to knock because that's for peasants and mortals
"Sister, vee veed to vet out ov vere!"
>I rush over and move a wardrobe infront of the door.
"Ve are overrun, vast a vell an--"
>I hear moaning and turn around seeing a portal to a lavish room and on a bed is none other than my love Horetta getting plowed by a low born savage of impure blood.
shrug.convinient
"Oh vell, vat takes care of vat."
>I start taking off my layers of robes and make my way to the portal to make it a threesome and escape my collapsing castle.

>>96927480
>>96929109
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Needless to say didnt take long to go from kissing to full on raw sex
>Might have choked her a bit, she seemed to like it
>Hear someone enter the portal
>Some pale looking regal dude
>Ah that must be her husband
>Think he might be some sort of vampire seeing as hes speaking Weird and that pale
>Paler then a tub of cottage cheese
>He strips down to join in for a threesome
>Sure why not, siege must have been a pain in the arse for him as well
>Plus he is technically going to be one of my employers
"Well then got to say your lord ship, your wife here is very accommodating. Names Kirk, leader of the Coyotes"
>I would shake his hand but my right arm is on Horetta's hip and my left is round her neck

>>96917043
>>96926532
>>96926807
>>96927480
>Be Daxia the Succubus
>The party hasn’t been going on for long, but seems to be gaining momentum fast
>I have already had five barbarians come in me, including two at the same time, and am currently taking in a sixth while doing it doggy style on top of one of the beds, which gives me a good view of the room
>I spot two women not doing much of anything, the naked dark skinned one is gently fingering herself while eating a pork rib, and the one wearing just a few furs is heading off anyone who tries to approach the dark skinned one
>Well that is just boring, and also an insult to my ability to throw a good orgy
>I do a quick scan of their minds, the dark skinned one seems to be under the influence of one of Vaxilla’s horniness spells, and also a lot of alcohol, but some vague sense of unease is holding her back, though I sense it wouldn’t take much to push her over
>Decide to do something, once barbarian numero six has finished of course
>Instead a big explosion occurs somewhere in the castle, and I sense reality is starting to become unstable
>Horetta orders us to open up portals to the Pleasure Palace in Gehenna that the cult’s contract with the Succubus Queen allows them access to, and a short time later, Sir Kirk comes back downstairs to direct all his followers through the portal
>The two boring women are among the last to leave
>The one in the furs seems to be waiting for the dark skinned one to make some sort of decision, but the dark skinned one seems to be struggling to form even basic thoughts
>SmileAsDeviousPlanForms.exe
“Time to go my fellow whoresluts, this place could blow at any minute”

>>96937281
>I grab the woman in the furs and throw her through one portal to the Pleasure Palace just as it closes, and then cast two spells on the dark skinned woman, one of which transforms her into a tall, athletic, pale, heavy chested redheaded succubus for the next few hours, the other suppresses what little self control she has left, and gives voice to that which she was trying to suppress. I then push her through a different portal, which leads to the same room, but with dozens of other succubi arriving via portal from across the planes to join the party, it will be almost impossible for the cuntblocking fur wearing woman to figure out which one is her friend, even if it somehow occurs to her that such a transformation took place
>I check whether anyone else is left in the suite of rooms, then make a portal to Horetta’s quarters in order to provide her with an update

>>96917884
>>96919703
>>96926633
>Be Libra the Nerd Succubus
>The leader of the invaders pretends not to hear my speech, or maybe he is deaf, and tells me to come up to the top of the bookshelf with them, perhaps this is his idea of a trap
>The Ambassador and some of the invaders clearly hear me though and start grumbling to themselves, with the dwarfs getting particularly agitated when I mention their tax shelter
>The Ambassador then requests to meet with the Lord or Lady of the castle
>I start reaching out to Horetta to give her a telepathic update and see where and when she wants to meet the Ambassador
>Suddenly a massive explosion shakes the entire library, and I see some cracks in reality forming nearby
>One crack emits black smoke and several clown demons crawl out of it. The black smoke seems to drain the energy from the lava in the room and hardens it to black rock
>The second crack starts emitting strange energies that are impossible to describe. Some of them hit one of the clown demons, which turns into a clown nothic, which then explodes into copious amounts of gore and several gibbering mouthers
>Well that isn’t good
>I listen for a bit to the telepathic messages coming in from my sister succubi
>That isn’t good at all
>Time to switch to Plan B, pretend to be a wizard to justify having magic
>I pull a wand out of my pocket, make a few sweeping gestures, and then open a portal to the tea room of the Pleasure Palace. The tea room doesn’t get used much except when Horetta or senior cult members are meeting someone who would be put off by the excessive amount of erotic items found in other parts of the Palace

>>96937553
“I am sorry your Lordship, but the mad wizard hired by the man beside you is even more powerful and insane than previously thought, and now seeks to destroy the castle and unleash the evil ancient entities trapped in the pocket dimension that my Lord and Lady’s honorable ancestors built the castle to keep imprisoned. My wizardly colleagues have moved the Lord and Lady to a secure location, and I can bring you there to discuss matters further. Lingering in this doomed place is not recommended."
>Technically that last part was true, many centuries ago the Entilements were powerful wizards serving the forces of “good”, but centuries of manipulation and corruption have lured them firmly into the service of evil
>As the remaining clown demons approach, I pretend to lose my nerve and flee through the portal
>I am pretty sure the Ambassador will follow me, but if not, he isn’t worth risking my neck over, the clown demons are legitimately tough opponents despite their appearance, and breaches in reality bring all sorts of even worse troubles
>I signal that a few elite cultist and succubi fighters should join me in the tea room in case the invaders are foolish enough to follow us through the portal, and cast illusion spells on them so they resemble dignified armsmen, then I call in even more cultists and succubi, and a few more powerful demons and devils, and post them in the vicinity of the tea room
>The invaders may also be foolish enough to enter the portal, though if they do so they will that fighting their way through an army in a plane where reality bends to our whim is a whole lot harder than anything they have faced before

>>96927480
>>96937281
>Be Uftar the Marauder
>Mage can't decide
>Fuck come on lass
>Just then a succubus appears
>"Time to go my fellow whoresluts, this place could blow at any minute"
>No shit already knew that
>She then grabs me and throws me through the portal
>Find myself in a new hall thats even more exquisite then the room we were in
>See several succubi gettinf treated very roughly by my comrades
>Baleon is only one not having sex as he is sorting out the gold but occasionally fingers his bound elven slave
>Stannis is currently using an Elven princess like a flesh light but she seems to be very into it
>Look to the portal and see several more succubi enter including the one who threw me in here
>Can't see the mage amongst them
>Maybe she finally made up her mind?
>Or maybe shes here somewhere?
>I would go to look for her but three of my comrades grab me to force me into a gang bang
>Never been on the receiving end before but that's because I just got transformed today
>Hope to God I dont get pregnant from this so I can change back to being a man

>>96926552
>>96927480
>>96937295
>Be Starbright
>The alcohol is hitting hard now, I can barely think at all as I watch the transformed woman fend off another rowdy suitor
>Why is she doing this again? I can’t remember now
>Kind of want to just get laid then go to bed
>Where am I again? When did I get invited to a party? I just want a bunch of cocks shoved in me, or fingers, or tongues, or whatever, but I am not supposed to talk to people or something!?
>That is a lame rule, like really lame
>I shush myself to stop myself from talking to myself in my own head, my finger tastes funny, so I suck on it for a while
>There is a loud bang somewhere that slows down the party, then glowing circles appear in the walls and people start disappearing into them
>I get up and start following them hot asses, I mean people, but then the transformed woman, what was she before she transformed again? Anyways, the transformed woman comes over and says some stuff to me, and then I remember I am not supposed to talk to people? So should I stay here where there is less people? But all the people with naked sexy parts are leaving, except the transformed woman and the scary sexy woman with horns and wings
>Uhmmm
>The winged lady says something, then pushes the transformed lady through a glowing circle, then does something to me and suddenly I am falling, and falling, and falling
>I wake up in a dark place, suspended in midair by chains that bind my arms, two more chains pull my legs far apart, and a large ball gag keeps my jaws painfully open
>My mind is now very, very clear, but struggles to remember anything that happened after I chugged those two massive beers
“I assumed direct control, I got tired of you trying to suppress me”
>Says a voice that sounds very much like mine, from somewhere in the darkness
>Who are you? I think to myself, I would have asked the question with my mouth if it wasn’t so full

>>96938132
“I am Starbright’s Lust Incarnate, or as I like to think of myself, The New Starbright! And welcome to being trapped in your own mind! Like you have trapped me for the last decade”
>The figure I am speaking with steps out of the darkness. She does in fact look exactly like me, but wanton in every way imaginable, from her dishevelled hair down to her curling toes. Drenched in sweat and other fluids, piercings, bite marks, cuts, bruises, panting, twitching, fondling herself. She is walking on nothingness and I suspect she is telling the truth, that she has in fact trapped me in my own mind.
>Her whole body tenses in pleasure and she lets out a loud moan. I blush deeply just looking at her
“Oh don’t get all prudish on me, this is what we both look like right now, people do amazing things to you when they think you are a succubus and have a near infinite pain threshold
>People think I am a what now?
>I can start feeling ghostly sensations happening to my body, some pleasant, some painful, many a mix of both
“Oh by the way, you just finally lost your virginity, I am not sure to who, there were two cocks in you at the time and they kind of came at the same time. And by virginity I mean your real virginity, no strap-ons or fingers or tongues. I mean, why is it you your past partners were four bland looking, borderline asexual women, a paraplegic, and a completely asexual guy who sometimes liked to cuddle? It is like you picked your partners solely based on a mix of virtue signalling and whether you shared the same boring values and hobbies. Gods you suck!”
>The sensations are starting to feel a lot more real now

>>96938136
“Anyways, I am going to go think of a way to permanently establish control over your body. Afterwards, do you think we should become a fuck slave for the barbarians, or the succubi? The barbarians are pretty fun, but they also spend a significant portion of their lives fighting and hunting and trekking and other boring stuff. The succubi have this cool palace with every pain and pleasure imaginable already in it, and I bet we can sign a contract with them that makes us their slave for all eternity. What? It would be better than getting our soul claimed by that hag you idiotically signed a deal with. In the meantime, here is what you are doing back in reality...”
>I am suddenly in a room full of fucking barbarians and succubi. My skin is now pale, my breasts heavy and bouncing, and when an errant strand of hair gets in my face I see that it is red
>I am riding one man hard, giving a hand job with one hand, and eating meat off some sort of large thigh bone with the other. I finish all three at the same time, wipe my sticky and greasy hands on my chest, then get up, take a few steps from my now exhausted partners, and wiggle my hips to attract another mate.
>I have no control over my body.
IhavenomouthbutImustscream.exe

>>96937690
>>96938140
>Be Uftar the Marauder
>Just finished up with the three guys who forced me into a gang bang
>Wipe away what I can
>The mage is still nowhere to be seen
>Notice a red headed succubus draining two guys
>She finishes up with them and wiggles her hips to attract more of my comrades
>Notice that Stannis has finished having a few rounds with the Elven Princess
>I think I know where this is going as I start downing some ale

>Be Stannis the Small
>Set the princess down gently as she spasms from pleasure
>Wonder where Kirk is?
>Ah well I can talk to my half brother later
>There's a red headed succubus who needs attending to
>I walk on over and loom over her
>She measures up to about my stomach
>I'm a half giant after all so big dude
>Smack her arse then turn her around to force her down onto her knees
>She probably knows what to do from here
>It'll be funny seeing her almost choke herself on my manhood

>>96938140
>>96939396
>Be Starbright/New Starbright/Starbright’s Lust Incarnate
>I need to think of a plan so that Old/Boring Starbright isn’t able to regain control of our body
>I haven’t come up with much other than that fucking things seems to keep Old/Boring Starbright off balance, and that if I chug those lust inducing healing potions whenever one is in reach, I can fuel my power long enough to come up with a better plan. Maybe I can convince a succubus to cast more lust spells on me whenever the previous ones start fading
>Making plans is boring, what I really need to be doing is indulging myself
>I finish off two barbarians and eating some greasy mystery meat, and then wiggle my hips to attract another mate
>Mildly disappointed it doesn’t happen instantly, at this point I think there are more succubi in the room than barbarians and their human and elf sex slaves, so almost everyone is busy fucking, except that barbarian who we accidently transformed into a woman, who is watching me while drinking instead
>Playing with the transformed barbarian could be fun, I wonder how much she is enjoying her new body, and also what male orgasm feels like and whether I can find a way to temporarily transform into a male, at least partially
>I then spot a massive nine foot tall half giant barbarian finish up with one of the elf sex slaves
>Hmm, I recognize that elf, that was the one who was trying to watch us pee way back just before fighting started. I make a mental note to pee in her face later, that way everyone gets what they want. She won’t recognize me in succubus form obviously, but I don’t think she is capable of recognizing anything at this point. It looks like she has been reduced to nothing but a mindless sex beast, incapable of doing anything other than desperately trying to sate her never ending lust

>>96940755
>I kind of wish I was like her, but on the other hand, it is kind of fun having Old/Boring Starbright locked away in the back of my mind, and feeling her alternate between disgust, panic, and horror. If only there was a way to keep her locked away and have no chance of regaining control of her body
>The nine-foot tall barbarian heads this way and I pretend to not be aware of him as my anticipation spikes
>He gives me an ass slap that was probably heard by everyone in the room, then forces me down in front of his massive erection
>I am not sure if that will actually fit down my throat, but I am very much willing to try

>>96939396
>>96940769
>Be Stannis the Small
>Might have put too much power in the slap
>Most the room heard it
>Baleon even stopped counting the gold for a bit
>He the goes back to it, drinking some ale and eating some chicken as he does so
>Back to the kneeling succubus who I smile at
>Bit of a dopey smile to be frank
>I slightly throb as I place one of my massive hands on her head
>Practically covers her cause of how wide my hands are
>I wrestle the big Coywolfs in my free time after all
>Guide her closer to my erect cock
>Tip touching her mouth
>I then force her onto it putting a bit of power behind the display
>It'll get her motivated to try and get as much down her throat as possible
>She'll probably wish she had a gag reflex

>>96903702
>>96919899
>>96928026
>Be Dominatrix Rexia, AKA D-Rex
>We have disabled the dwarven siege engine and rounded up the still living crew for later pleasures
>The lead succubus thinks that there is still one dwarf crewman still in the engines somewhere, but thanks to the distortions in reality it is hard to pinpoint his location
>Even I am getting mildly concerned about how unstable reality is becoming
>The castle now has huge holes blown in it, how any of it is still standing is beyond me
>Cracks in reality are forming everywhere, discharging strange energies and vicious monsters
>Also the rain seems to have turned to piss, but that may just be another of Willy’s mad spells
>The succubi start phasing in and out of reality, caught between the material world and their home dimension
>Some of the cultists, captured dwarfs, and even the siege engine itself are also starting to flicker in and out of reality, who knows which other dimension they are flickering to though, probably somewhere bad
>The succubi say that we should seek shelter in the Pleasure Palace, but my blood is up now and I would rather stay and fight anything there is left to fight
>Most of the succubi and cultists leave, taking the captured dwarfs with them, but me and a few others stay to explore the siege engine
>We get word one of the succubi just got slain in the engine room and all rush into it
>The fugitive dwarf drops down from above swinging a massive wrench at my head
>I deflect the blow with my warhammer, then knock him back with a kick while the lesser cultists form a circle to watch
>A giant hammer fight as reality crumbles around us
>This is going to be fun!

>>96918806
>>96940769
>Be Vaxilla
>Still drifting invisible in the vicinity of Starbright, watching the results of my deception play out
>This room in the Pleasure Palace has been transformed into some sort of mead hall in order to meet the wishes of its main non-succubi occupants, the Coyotes
>Two long tables run the length of the room, piled high with food and drinks, most of which have now been knocked over by copulating bodies
>Fire pits run down the middle of the room, a large throne sits empty at one end, and fur covered beds line the walls, in heavy use obviously, though many of the barbarians seem to prefer the tables or the floor for some reason
>What is most interesting is the decorations though, although depictions of coyotes and other animals are fairly common obviously, many wood carvings, painted shields, and hanging banners have very erotic themes to them instead, usually with succubi or other demons and devils involved
>It is also interesting that the room summoned succubi for the barbarians to party with, when it is capable of summoning up nearly any sort of being from among the endless variety of individuals from across the multiverse who have succumbed to the Succubus Queen’s will
>I wonder if the Coyotes already had some affiliation with the Lower Planes even before they arrived, or their partying with succubi back in the castle had steered their desires in that direction
>A gurgling noise brings my thoughts back to Starbright
>Quite the special being she is now
>Most of our victims eventually get reduced to mindless fuck beasts, but she has instead developed a fully functional split personality, which has trapped her previous personality “Old/Boring Starbright” in the back of her mind, and her sexual escapades are causing “Old/Boring Starbright” considerable torment
>I see lots of potential there, but for now I will continue to let it play out

>>96868702
>Be the Pumpkin Man
>It looks like Halloween is coming to an end
>There are almost no fleeing mercenaries and elves left in the forest for me to torment
>I think there may be some invaders still trapped in the castle, but probably not many at this point
>I teleport to the edge of the Evil Forest to take a closer look
>The castle has sustained serious damage, and the tiny cracks in reality that had long nourished the evil beings who dwell in this land are now full blown crevasses from which torrents of pure evil flow
>Suddenly the main keep of the castle starts fracturing, raining heavy masonry on the smaller buildings and courtyards
>Three huge holes in reality form, unleashing three of the ancient evils trapped there
>Cthaazutl’Ivh’ezo, a towering, winged, mind flayer looking being that brings madness upon all who look upon it, unless they are already mad of course
>Bonzo the Giant that Honks, a huge clown demon who causes random transformations where ever he goes
>And my very own Pumpkin King, a giant skeletal, pumpkin headed figure who inspires terror in most, and lust in those like me who are pure evil
>Powerful demigods all
>And hordes of their respective minions also start emerging from the holes in reality
>They stride out into the corpse strewn but otherwise empty battleground in front of the castle and start brawling with each other
>But eventually they will come to an accord, and spread terror across the lands

>>96926280
>>96937553
>>96937567
>>96926633
>Be Mercenary Captain Jr.
>The weird girl I don’t trust doesn’t seam to have any interest in coming up stairs, and what’s worse is the diplomat seams to be buying whatever she’s saying.
>Still can’t make it out from up here, but before I can defend myself several more explosions rock the castle and a couple rifts in reality form.
>One spills a bunch of clown demons and another black smoke that cools the lava.
>Another portal opens on the ceiling that dumps a bunch of slime, and one just reveals a bunch of tentacles that start breaking everything.
>Thankfully a portal opens near by that seams to lead outside, without really thinking or waiting for the diplomat to make a decision, I leap through the portal and we land on a giant mechanical spider siege engine that smells like piss.
>We slide down the piss slick hull but I grab a ladder, and grab the leg of another merc.
>Turning around I see the castle start to collapse as tentacles and holes in reality to other planes rip it apart from the inside out.

>>96926280 #
>>96937553 #
>>96937567 #
>>96926633 #
>Be Mercenary Captain Jr.
>The weird girl I don’t trust doesn’t seam to have any interest in coming up stairs, and what’s worse is the diplomat seams to be buying whatever she’s saying.
>Still can’t make it out from up here, but before I can defend myself several more explosions rock the castle and a couple rifts in reality form.
>One spills a bunch of clown demons and another black smoke that cools the lava.
>Another portal opens on the ceiling that dumps a bunch of slime, and one just reveals a bunch of tentacles that start breaking everything.
>Thankfully a portal opens near by that seams to lead outside, without really thinking or waiting for the diplomat to make a decision, I and my mercs leap through the portal leaving them behind and we land on a giant mechanical spider siege engine that smells like piss.
>We slide down the piss slick hull but I grab a ladder, and grab the leg of another merc.
>Turning around I see the castle start to collapse as tentacles and holes in reality to other planes rip it apart from the inside out.

>>96940769
>>96940918
>Be Starbright
>Be in full panic mode
>Is “New Starbright” trying to get me killed in the most degrading way possible? There is no way that thing is going to fit in me without breaking something
>The barbarian’s cock still tastes like elf pussy, which has a distinct taste as I learned while dating a half-elf back in the magic academy
>It tastes like a lot of other things too, and has probably never been washed, ever
>And now it is all the way in, I can feel it hitting my ribs from the inside
>My vision is starting to blur due to lack of oxygen, maybe I will just pass out, but I haven’t been that lucky so far today
>I feel someone grab my hips and enter me from behind
>I am now getting shaken back and forth like a dog’s bone, breasts bouncing everywhere
>I hear a clap above me, did the two barbarians just high-five?
>Someone pours a full mug of beer on the back of my head and then down my back
>This is now officially the worst experience of my life, including all the other shit that happened today

>Be Starbright/New Starbright/Starbright’s Lust Incarnate
>I am now being spit roasted by two massive barbarians while a third pours beer on me
>Best day ever!

>>96885319
>>96941559
>Be Dwarf Siege Engineer
>I spend what seems like an eternity wandering the trap filled castle, gaining and losing several comrades along the way
>Oh well, circle of life and all that, what is important is that I get to kill things and presumably get paid for it afterwards
>I link up with the mercenary captain and a few veteran mercenaries and fellow dwarfs as they search for the leader of the castle
>I am not sure killing the leader will really change all that much, my gut feeling is that we are running out of men much quicker than the defenders are, but if killing the leader allows us to withdraw, claim victory, and then get victory pay, then I am all for it
>After more wandering, we end up on top of a bookshelf with the Royal Ambassador of all people, while some cultist or succubus dressed like a court official lectures us on how we are the bad guys, and not the group of necromancers, vampires, and worshippers of ancient evils that dwell within the castle
>The disguised official makes some good points though, the latest king of the long legs is even more psychotic than his predecessor, things like human sacrifice or dark magic won’t bother him the slightest, but learning that he is missing out on tax dollars definitely will
>The disguised official flees into a portal when reality starts breaking down, while I follow the mercenary captain through a different rift
>End up outside the castle on top of the Steam Tank Model II Prototype
>Huh
>I heard they were trying to have it operational in time for the battle, but there were a few kinks to be worked out
>I guess they got it working, then brought it to the battle to join the siege
>Too bad there is almost no one left for them to support
>The poor girl itself appears to be abandoned, and the faint smell of ozone provides a clue of how it was disabled
>But mostly it smells like piss up here
>And farts

>>96943404
>And where did the castle go? And who are those three big beasties wrestling in the field
>I here some scrambling nearby and see the mercenary captain and a few others hanging to the side of the tank
>I unroll my rope and throw it down to help them climb up the side of the tank

>>96940918
>>96943207
>Be Stannis the Small
>Chuckle as the red head manages to take the whole thing
>She's an absolute trooper for managing to do that
>Just then two more guys come join in
>These two are Roose and Castor
>Roose grabs the girls hips and thrusts his cock into her
>He lifts her up so she is now being spit roasted
>Her entire body is jiggling because of the two of us
>Meanwhile Castor takes some ale and pours it over her
>I think that's wasteful but then he starts to lick
>Ah that's what he was doing
>Still think its slightly wasteful
>At least the red head will remember this night forever now
>Not sure where we'll be going after this party
>Maybe our new employer has another castle somewhere and will take us there
>Or maybe this is our new base of operations
>Look over to see Uftar being put into another gang bang
>Seems like hes getting used to being a woman
>Seeing as she seems to be enjoying it
>Unless she's drunk to the point she doesnt care anymore

++Meanwhile, in the Dark Fortress of Evil, just before and after it crumbles into ruin++

>Elven Cultist of the Succubus Queen
>I wake up from an awesome orgy, only to notice that the no one else is around
>Lots of loud noises coming from outside though, I guess I should put some clothes on and go check it out
>Just joking, I haven’t worn clothes in years
>My clit piercing feels a bit off, I fiddle with it as I walk to the door
>A rift opens next to me and the energies it emits turn me to stone forever

>Be the Crypt Keeper
>Just like my father, and my father’s father, and my father’s father’s father, and many more before them
>Not many throughout history were deemed worthy of being buried in the large crypt below the West Hall, and even fewer were deemed worthy of being buried in the small courtyard cemetery the crypt opened onto
>However, the vampire Entilements are kind of funny about the dead, they raised many of the dead Entilements back as powerful undead slaves, and use the crypt as a storage place for corpses they plan on raising as zombies or skeletons
>Not that I mind since they turn a blind eye to, and sometimes even encourage my experiments with necrophilia
>Some sort of fight is going on, but that is not my problem, I intend to spend my day in the crypt, drinking and fucking
>I barely even notice when a bunch of explosions occur
>I do notice though when the corpse I am fucking bites my dick off
>The other corpses in the crypt also start rising, and turning into something more demonic than typical zombies
>One of them rips my head off with a single swipe

>>96945939
(2/4)

>Be the Young Protagonist’s Sidekick
>Me, the Young Protagonist, and the Young Protagonist’s Love Interest sign up for the mercenary army in order to go on an adventure
>Previous combat experience was not required, nor was any particular level of personal fitness, though the pay scale was much better for those who had fought with the mercenaries before
>Many of the mercenaries are the sorts of scrawny little imbreds one often finds in the eastern lands, so as strapping lads and lasses from the farms around the capital, we did have some advantages over our comrades
>And also don’t forget plucky spirit, a can do attitude, and charming good looks that seem to ensure the favor of the Luck Goddess is always upon us
>We manage to survive many hours in the death maze, overcoming traps, monsters, and treachery with a mix of quick wits, fast reflexes, and pure luck
>We trick a werewolf into running into a trap, outwit the succubus Yanaxia, defeat a mob of naked zombies, slay the elder vampire Horatio Entilement in his sleep (he is the current lord’s great grandfather or something), and uncover the magic stone needed to keep Cthaazutl’Ivh’ezo, Bonzo the Giant that Honks, and the Pumpkin King trapped in their own realms
>We almost reach the designated spot to place the stone, but then a clown demon appears out of a rift in reality and fires off some spells with its magic wand
>The Young Protagonist is hit and his head explodes like a dropped melon
>The Young Protagonist’s Love Interest is hit, all of her equipment and clothes disappears in a cloud of glitter, and she starts turning into a lesser clown demon
>This isn’t fair, we are supposed to be the heroes in this story, nothing is supposed to be able to stop us!
>I get bitten in half by the clown demon

>>96945944
(3/4)

>Be Pierre the Lich
>A few hardy invaders manage to escape the maze zone and enter my lair
>Good luck, I am behind 900 skeletons!
>Well they are naked zombies now, which is even better
>Get crushed by a large piece of falling masonry that punches through the roof of the attic I am lounging in

>Be Low Level Evil Mercenary
>I didn’t really want to be evil, but Evil Mercenaries Incorporated were the only group hiring when I was looking for a job a few months ago, and in this economy you take what you can get
>The inhabitants of the castle are a bit weird, it is mostly low level cultists, mercenaries, and skeletons on the upper levels, but there are all sorts of rumors of what happens in the lower levels, pocket dimensions, and even rumors of portals to hidden lairs in the Lower Planes
>At least the Succubus Queen cultists are friendly
>Very friendly
>When the battle breaks out, I am posted as a sentry on top of the main keep, which is kind of pointless since you can’t see anything with the heavy rain, or more recently, heavy piss rain
>But at least I am safe up here
>The whole keep starts falling a part, and I plummet to my dead
>Fuck

>>96945948
(4/4)

>Be Slenderman
>Be simultaneously violating three different elven scouts with my tentacles, destroying their minds with Far Realm energies
>As I can see into both the past and the future, I can see these are the last victims I will find for quite some time
>I stride to the edge of the Evil Forest to watch the monumental events occurring at the Dark Fortress of Evil
>Cthaazutl’Ivh’ezo, Bonzo the Giant that Honks , and the Pumpkin King have been unleashed
>I cannot see who will be the eventual winner of their fight, but I can see the Ruins of the Dark Fortress of Evil will be a blight upon these lands for generations to come, a maze of half-buried tunnels, well hidden pocket dimensions, still active traps, restless undead, power seeking evil cults, evil emitting dimensional rifts, buried treasures, and forgotten troves of forbidden lore
>Countless lives will be lost as “adventurers” brave the Evil Forest to plunder the ruins, or die trying
>Until then, the lesser cultists and evil mercenaries fleeing the castle will provide more prey to hunt
>Except the cultists of the Eldritch Horror, Vecna, and Evil Trickster Clown God Cults, I leave those alone until I determine who my liege Cthaazutl’Ivh’ezo will deem worthy of being his servants

>Be me The One Eyed Coyote
>A forgotten devil to the history of most people
>A devil once feared when creation was in its most primitive state of being
>Back when people feared the night and of nature
>Yet I live on through my coyotes and because of the warband who share the name of my creations
>They are all engaging in a massive orgy of food, ale and lust with succubi and captured slaves
>What a great tribute to me, someday I'll return to my full glory and the world of men will learn to fear me again
>But for now?
>This depravity suffices me
>I do not yet have the strength to summon an avatar of myself into the world
>Though the druid called Baleon is a suitable stand in being as he is a man of nature and bares only one eye
>And I can still at least possess a coyote
>Which is technically how im viewing this event
>Where ever the Coyotes walk
>I always walk with them

>>96926807
>>96929109
>>96932284
>Be Horetta
>Smoking my hookah as I bask in the aftermath of a hardcore three way between myself, Sir Kirk, and Entilement II
>I wonder why more people don’t sleep with their employers, it is a really good way of maintaining positive relations
>I keep getting telepathic updates from succubi and senior cult leaders
>It seems the Dark Fortress of Evil has succumbed to Willy’s magic dynamite, and is now a mind-bending clusterfuck of floating ruins and rifts in reality that all sorts of evil is seeping out of
>The Cults of Eldritch Horror, Vecna, and the Evil Trickster Clown God are all demanding my assistance in helping their chosen demigod win the struggle that is taking place in the ruins, but I don’t like taking sides in these sorts of situations, and I never really liked any of them to begin with. I guess once things stabilize between the three I will help them out if it benefits me, until then, they serve as a useful distraction to my real goals
>I order some succubi who are on my shit list to comb the area around the Dark Fortress for any useful survivors to bring back here to join the party, the rest can be left to the monsters emerging from the rifts, and the inhabitants of the Evil Forest
>The Coyotes, many of the Succubus Cultists, and a few smaller groups of valued mercenaries, employees, and vassals are partying hard in various parts of the Pleasure Palace, and why not? We did put a significant dent in the number of mercenaries and elven and dwarven clan warriors in the area. I intend to allow the parties to carry on for a few more days, but I also want to start laying the groundwork for the next phase of our campaign

>>96948816
>We will need a new home base to operate our campaign from. Elite groups like the Coyotes and the inner circle of the Succubus Cult can continue using the Pleasure Palace if they so desire, but in order to wage an effective campaign, we will need to recruit all sorts of cannon fodder and dubious allies that are either not worth wasting portal magic on, or are too distrustful to enter a portal to a realm where someone else writes all the rules
>I guess which ruin we pick will depend on who we start a campaign against though
>I start playfully stroking the dicks of Sir Kirk and Entilement II with either hand
“So boys? Who should we go after first? The Elves are vulnerable to corruption and make great sex slaves and cannon fodder, but the Dwarves have a huge amount of gold hidden away, and lots of cutting edge weaponry to capture”
>Being the bad guys is the best!

>>96932284
>>96948816
>Be "Sir" Kirk
>Man that threesome was good
>The Lord and Lady are pretty freaky
>Additionally me and Horetta's husband seem to get on well
>We'll just have to see how our friendship ends up in 9 months or so
>I drink some wine thats set on a table
>It ain't ale but it'll do
>I say that but its actually pretty good
>Regardless I look to Horetta who is playfully jerking both me and her husband
>“So boys? Who should we go after first? The Elves are vulnerable to corruption and make great sex slaves and cannon fodder, but the Dwarves have a huge amount of gold hidden away, and lots of cutting edge weaponry to capture”
>That's a good question
>I have a brief think
"As much as I enjoy an easy campaign of pillaging the weak, its probably a good idea to knock the dwarves out of the way. All that gold and tech can fund more armies like that mercenary captain's and word of the Elves completely being fallen would only bolster those who oppose us"
>Yup I definitely don't have anything else in my system cause I am never this strategic when it comes to battle
>Another thing helping this is probably because we have access to this palace to satisfy our beastial needs so shouldn't need too many sex slaves
>Though Dwarven strong holds might be harder to breach without cannon fodder
>Ah hell that's for future Kirk to worry about
>And something I'll have to bring up to Baleon
"I'm game with whatever we end up deciding on, I'll just need to recruit more marauders from the north and rear some more coyotes to be war beasts. There's always plenty of Northern men looking to escape places such as the dreaded Glass Glow or Greenock after all."
>Even I shudder at the utterance of those two absolute shit holes called notable places of a large population of people
>Have to say that because calling them cities is too nice of a word and half the places in them don't work

>>96948824
>>96949187
>Be Horetta
>Kirk thinks we should take on the Dwarves first to acquire their gold and tech
>He also brings up the need to replenish his numbers
>Hmmm, given how much gold I am paying him, I am surprised he doesn’t just resurrect all his fallen warriors, particularly as his druid has been using Willy’s gift to turn random small objects into gold anytime he thinks no one is looking. The last time Willy gave me one of those magic hands, I turned every slave girl we had at the time into solid gold, and then sold them to degenerates in the Southern Empires for many times what their weight in gold was
>He does bring up a fair point about cannon fodder though
>I can teleport elite warriors behind the dwarven static defences easily enough, but there are going to be many occasions where just burying the dwarves in expendable bodies is the best option
>I tell Kirk to go ahead and do his recruitment campaign up north, but that also I would happily employ any Coyotes he can spare in the meantime
>I will also send out offers of employment to the many orc and goblin tribes that dwell within the Dwarven Hills, and to any human, dwarven, or elven mercenaries dwelling in nearby lands who could stomach working for us
>Also, I will sign treaties with the local drow,, a few local cults, and even call in some favors with the hedonists of the Notpersian Empire, that alone could potentially net us thousands of fighters of varying quality
>As for a new home base...
>Definitely Karak Losdur