>>81964849
>Which is why I need to stop what I'm doing but it's so hard.
Try psychotherapy. Seriously sadism is hard to rewire but its hard like you literally associate happiness with the misery of others this will be hard it should obviously be the other way around.
Why do you think your brain has been fried to associate the suffering of others with joy? Did you have a childhood where through classical or operand conditioning the misery of others were somehow linked with your own joy? Or are you just a goonette that fried their brain with porn? The latter is pretty easy to fix just flick to better porn...the former...not so easy. Need therapy xDDD