Thread 33595958

>grow up socially isolated
>have wealthy family and good looks due to mom having worked as a model but have to learn everything on my own including tying my shoelaces or basic hygiene
>form opinions and beliefs and mannerisms different from everyone around me
>not religious like my parents, not tied to cultural backgrounds like my peers, not aligned with the political or social beliefs of anyone I know and have very different ideas regarding sex and love
>can never ever make attempts at being myself to anyone, even remote hints at it have ended horribly for me and people around me in the past

I don't know what to do. I sometimes drop bits and pieces of myself on this website as a coping mechanism but I wish there was someone I could be honest to about everything, I'm tired of having had to lie for the past decade non-stop.

I'm so so so fucking lonely. Gonna try sleeping it off.

>>33595958 (OP)
> Born just in time to talk to chatgpt

>>33596013
Been doing that. Usually get blocked by the "We have reason to believe this conversation isn't safe or legal anymore" (paraphrased) half way in.

>>33595958 (OP)
Listen to sesh and Sam vaknin.

Good luck, just don't kill yourself. You don't need a God when you're this fuckin rare.

>>33595958 (OP)
I won't read too vague threads. Be specific next time.

>>33596047
Guess I'll take a listen, thanks.
>Just don't kill yourself
I'm overly sympathetic to a great extent sadly, and my parents are too much of an emotional mess to handle that. So I'm trapped at the very least until they die, I just hope I'll find something that fills the void in me in the meantime.

>>33596093
Feel free to let me know what you want me to elaborate on

>>33596132
>form opinions and beliefs and mannerisms different from everyone around me
Like what
>not religious like my parents, not tied to cultural backgrounds like my peers, not aligned with the political or social beliefs of anyone I know and have very different ideas regarding sex and love
Like what
>can never ever make attempts at being myself to anyone, even remote hints at it have ended horribly for me and people around me in the past
How

> I wish there was someone I could be honest to about everything, I'm tired of having had to lie for the past decade non-stop.
Sure you can talk to me, I'm interested

>have wealthy family and good looks due to mom having worked as a model but have to learn everything on my own including tying my shoelaces or basic hygiene
Gold digger dynamic

>>33596276
Every person I've met both IRL and online has a vague sense of modern Christianity/humanitarian values embedded into them and freak out when they encounter someone who doesn't relate to them. I wish I could go further in depth but half the shit I could say could be interpreted as illegal lmao. One example is that one time I pulled a politically charged prank on a teacher that was bullying my friend since the teach was very open about his beliefs and somehow it turns out I crossed multiple social and historically insensitive lines with that. That aside, I absolutely despise hypocrisy and got VERY good at pointing it out due to my constant outside perspective from not ever fitting into any group, which also makes it hard to share my honest thoughts with people without them feeling insulted and betrayed about it. People always tell me they're different but they never are.
>Sure you can talk to me
Drop your Discord or whatever then I guess, I'll see what to do once I wake up
>Gold digger dynamic
?

>>33596449
Wealthy ugly man buys hot model wife

>Christianity/humanitarian
Trad thumpers n pussy footers

I hate hypocrisy too and I'm curious what sorta values you hold

deft_style now send your hottest takes

>>33596032
what is that? is it an AI response or like a warning message that blocks you completely from continuing the conversation?

>>33597753
Yeah. It's essentially OpenAI saying "Yeah we REALLY do not want our chat bot learning any of this, please fuck off".

>>33596449
>one time I pulled a politically charged prank on a teacher that was bullying my friend since the teach was very open about his beliefs and somehow it turns out I crossed multiple social and historically insensitive lines with that

The teacher was jewish or a repbulicuck and the prank was anti-jew, right?

>>33599230
You're half right. My teacher was a horrible person that bullied a friend of mine pretty harshly, so I thought of a fun way to pay him back despite not caring about politics lol. Bonus outrage and police involvement since this happened in Germany :3

>>33595958 (OP)
That just means you can focus your life on creating exactly what you need since nobody else is relevant.

>>33599292
>creating exactly what you need
Been doing that to fill my need for social interaction. My main friend group consists of male autists I somewhat mentally groomed into not fitting well into society, so I can sometimes drop a few more layers of masks when I'm with them. It's not nearly enough but it's a start. I've done this with romantic partners as well, but I broke ties each time because either they didn't fit certain criteria I'd want in a partner, or they simply wouldn't ever fully be detached and deranged enough for me to be myself.

>>33599392
Mhm, sounds like progress then.

>>33599450
I don't know. It's really exhausting to shape or distort a person's entire framework in life, and not seeing things work out in the end is just really discouraging. I'm not sure where to find the right person.

>>33595958 (OP)
at least you have money anon.
I am the same way.
Having to blend in due to needing jobs and other shit is much more horrific than you can imagine.

>>33600622
Same here. I also made the mistake of being authentic with my wife after over 15 years together and now she hates me. She insists she doesn't believe in divorce but has told me numerous times that she hopes I die soon. I am the sole breadwinner so I have to keep everything under wraps even as my heart is destroyed.

>>33600737
What'd ya tell your wife anon?

>>33596449
dude you're on a site full of a pedophiles and even some literal terrorists that shot up a place or two and you're being vague about some dumb prank you pulled

i think the reason you refuse to be clear is because you know that your struggles are nothingburgers and writing them out will make you realize how comical they are but they've become a part of your identity so you act like le mysterious psycho

and don't get me wrong i do believe you when you say that you're a "dangerous" person because any retard can randomly stab someone or abuse those weaker than them but you're not unique in that regard and are hurting yourself by clinging to this kind of self image

>>33601283
>site full of a pedophiles and terrorists
I'm not implying I'm deranged or in need to dish out damage to society (at least not directly on an individual end for the most part, you need a systematic approach to truly have lasting change), I'm saying I just want to be myself but doing so never works out because nobody is like me. Terrorist groups have an ideological and often ethnic bond, pedophiles have each other in their little online bubbles, I don't have anyone I can be myself with without losing the other person. Worst of all is that these people seem to find lovers that tolerate them for who they are without issue. I saw a documentary about this one serial pedo in the Philippines when I was like 13-14 and he had a wife that helped him find victims by luring them in. And to this day I feel an insurmountable amount of envy towards that man. I'm not a piece of filth like he is, I'm hotter than he is and I can offer more to someone than he can. And yet he had a partner in crime that loved his authentic self.

>>33601475
lots of words and you said nothing of interest but ok i don't care anymore just wanted to insult you

>>33601510
I'm somewhat in a similar boat. I don't want to insult OP, although what I'm about to say will be perceived as an insult.

OP, my guess is your between the age of 18-22. You're at an early age of adulthood and exploration. Your lack of socialization in your youth lead you to become very adept at thinking. I'll also guess that you did decently well in school, leading to develop an identity of the genius nerd archetype. This can lead to some antisocial mannerisms, but you're probably exaggerating the extent due to your age and desire to feel unique.

>>33601475
>I don't have anyone I can be myself with
Welcome to being young, bud. This is the time for you to decide what you value. Most people are off, but through socialization, learn to curb their antisocial behaviors. You can work on that if you want. Just be prepared to fuck up and replace your antisocial identity with a different one.
>>33600737
>I also made the mistake of being authentic with my wife after over 15 years
Elaborate.
>>33599392
>My main friend group consists of male autists I somewhat mentally groomed into not fitting well into society
This is adorable kek. OP, I'm not trying to be a dick, but you're probably not the master manipulator you think yourself to be. Autistic people, especially males, especially young males, especially the Asperger's type, already have a higher tendency towards being atypical.

>>33601573
>my guess is you're a young adult
Damn, who could've guessed considering I mentioned my parents and school like thrice
>exaggerating the extent
Maybe, but I still don't remember a single person I ever managed to be even remotely authentic with. Maybe this is something universal and you're not expected to be able to share every single thought and opinion you have with someone, but at the very least to me, it's immeasurably isolating to always put on a multitude of layers of masks whenever I interact with anyone socially.
>desire to feel unique
Everyone does this to some extent, but I really do wish being me was the norm so I could sit back and let life take its natural course. Not having to think and just working hard sounds like a dream.
>learn to curb their antisocial behaviors
I'm already decent enough when it comes to masking, I just don't want to always keep one up, it's exhausting and draining and lonely.
>This is adorable
Yeah they're adorable. Retarded and obnoxious half the time but I'm glad they exist
>probably not the master manipulator
Oh, not at all. In most cases, both platonically and romantically, it was them willing to slightly change over time for me. It just feels like grooming because when I do end up dropping hints and peeks behind the mask, it drags people into being more like what I show them and ends up having them stick out like a sore thumb from other people. Hell, one girl lovingly called me her groomer instead of some bullshit like "babe" for months and literally told me she can't look at the word "nonce" without thinking of me anymore. And I still don't think I did enough for her to even have the vaguest of ideas of who I actually am.

>>33601693
>Damn, who could've guessed considering I mentioned my parents and school like thrice
You're being a smartass, so I get to do it back.
>>33595958 (OP)
No blatant age indicator here besides having parents, which isn't an age indicator for hopefully obvious reasons.
>>33596032
None here.
>>33596101
Parents - So none here.
>>33596449
>One example is that one time I pulled a politically charged prank on a teacher
Past tense - We've all been to school.
>>33599238
>My teacher was a horrible person
Past tense - Also indicative of a sense of morality and justice.
>>33599392
>>33599650
>>33601475
None.

My point is that, without you being aware of it, you come off as very young. Why does this matter? My point is that your feeling are incredibly typical for your age. You can continue to reject this fact if you're that desperate to fulfill your isolation fetish, but it's true. This is evidenced by the fact you keep referring to vague notions of illegal thoughts consuming your mind. Reality is, people mask constantly. You are not special.

Here's an example of something people won't admit. People call anyone attracted to those under 18 as pedophiles. This is scientifically silly. There is significant value in distinguishing between pedophiles, hebephiles, and ephebophiles. Ephebophilia is within the acceptable range of adult attraction, and hebephilia debatably is as well. Attraction and acting on attraction are different questions, though.

There are soft edgy opinions such as this you can have. You're young and probably think they're way edgier than the are, although by the fact you literally can't even think of an example of your antisocial thoughts, I can tell you without a doubt you're incredibly normal.

>>33601815
>You're being a smartass
Hey you started :3
>No blatant age indicator here besides having parents
My original point was that me mentioning my parents or family often considering a personal problem of mine in itself is the obvious age indicator. You're clearly winning an imaginary argument where you both decide my position and what counts as a counterargument, despite both of those being wrong.
>you come off as very young
Yeah, I'm not trying to come off as older than I am either way. But I'm also not going to pull some "Oh I should shut up and respect my elders and listen to what they have to say" bullshit on a thread LITERALLY talking about how I'm tired of putting on masks and how isolating it is to be dishonest. I'm not trying to be a dick towards you, I'm simply enacting the exact behavior I described in the thread :0
>illegal thoughts consuming your mind
Not quite. It's more that a lot of my philosophical and moral notions are moreso unaligned with what most people consider common sense. I live in Germany and non-humanitarian beliefs are generally illegal to state or share, and even if I lived somewhere else, it'd be hard to impossible to come across anyone that agrees to these notions with the exception of a few retards on this image board.
>people mask constantly
And yet they have people that allow them to unmask from time to time, see the example of the serial pedo. Could you imagine a conversation with your friends having the same distance and care put into them as a formal meeting with your boss? That's how my social interactions often go and I hate it. I can't blame my friends either for distancing themselves from me for opening up because I don't know if I'll ever meet people less ready to distance themselves for opening up even close to that.
>The hebephile argument
Uuuuu, lemme continue this in the next block, I'm hitting max length limit soon

>>33601815
>>33601945
Continuation
>Hebe argument
That'd be one of the things I keep in my back pocket, I've just never gotten to use it outside of 4chan. Again, you do realize that this is something you generally can't share with people, but this type of inability to share one's beliefs goes for so much of myself that I can't breathe. Maybe it's just me being more of a pussy than other people that also spend their lives masking, but I really really wish there was someone I could share my thoughts with.
>literally can't even think of an example
I enjoy talking to you. Despite my bratty responses, I swear I enjoy talking to you. But I've had a ton of other people in your shoes that stopped interacting with me for stating my genuine opinion, or even things close to it. I lost a female friend a few years back because I made a lighter version of the hebe thing in regards to me not caring that Ryuko from Kill la Kill is supposedly 17, because realistically what the hell is the difference between 17 and 18, it's not like they magical become a different person the millisecond the clock does a single tick forwards.

Independently of how much you tell me how it's all in my head and my identity is all normal, I'm starving for conversations like these where I can at least verbalize parts of my issue and I'm nothing short of terrified of losing another cool person to interact with because I peeled off too much from the mask.

It's not just me being different either, it's my environment constantly expecting me to be different from what I really am.

My parents want me religious, connected to their country of origin and positive towards immigration, women that are interested in me think I can fulfill their violent abuser fantasies because I look like a jacked terrorist, my uni and old school mates want me to agree to their political beliefs and I could go on. I never get a chance to be just me, and when I do, people assume it's satirical or wait for me to sign that it was a joke

>>33596101
I garentee you his words will be far more useful, applicable, and true than any comment you'll get here or in your own personalized hell. I can't reveal it all to you, but you'll understand one day.

>>33601945
>Hey you started :3
I explicitly didn't.
>You're clearly winning an imaginary argument where you both decide my position and what counts as a counterargument, despite both of those being wrong.
Incorrect. I'm happy to explain this to you again if you'd like, although again, you probably don't care to hear this yet. Your feelings stem from the fact you are young. The thoughts you're describing are very common for your age.
>But I'm also not going to pull some "Oh I should shut up and respect my elders and listen to what they have to say"
Ironic. What board are we on again? Kek.

Regardless, that's not what I'm asking you to do. My point is that the biggest indicator of your age in this thread is your thoughts process. Not anything about your parents, but the fact that you sound like someone young that wants to be very distinct. This is extremely common for your age. Isolation fetish is an apt description of it.
>It's more that a lot of my philosophical and moral notions are moreso unaligned with what most people consider common sense.
Most people are, to be blunt, philosophically illiterate. It's funny for you to be from Germany and not understand this. Anyone that chooses to think critically about philosophy is going to stumble into some differences of opinion. That's called having philosophy as a hobby. Congratulations, you have a hobby!
>see the example of the serial pedo
This isn't an example of someone being allowed to unmask. It sounds like two people with a similar inclination towards pedophilia met each other. This is not a good example for you. It's the opposite in fact. Imagine if the wife unmasked and revealed to the husband that his behavior grosses her out. Do you think he'd actually change his ways? Do you think he'd want to stay with her?
I'll respond to your next post soon.

>>33602006
>I've just never gotten to use it outside of 4chan.
Good. It's a retarded waste of time. Outside of niche psychological circles, this is almost always discussed by people that want to fuck kids.

Think of it this way. I think anatomy is fascinating. You might also think anatomy is fascinating. Since we both think anatomy is fascinating, just imagine how fascinating it would be if I amputate your legs so we can study them together.

If I ever told you this, you would never be my friend. Why? All I did was pose a hypothetical to you.
>. I lost a female friend a few years back because I made a lighter version of the hebe thing in regards to me not caring that Ryuko from Kill la Kill
I don't know what this means, but I'm skeptical that this is the whole reason you lost this friend. What did she say about this afterwards?

I'm not very educated on anime, but from everything I see, anime highschool girls are always drawn in their sexual prime to an almost perverse degree. I don't care if people are sexually attracted to drawn girls designed to look sexually attractive. I'm assuming that's what your hinting at. I must reiterate that you are significantly more normal than you think you are. The fact you're do cryptic about this supposedly illegal beliefs you hold means you're either very self aware of have mostly tame opinions.
>I'm starving for conversations like these
Have you tried to make conversations enjoyable for other people?
>positive towards immigration
We're finally getting somewhere. The root of this seems to be you developing your own identity separate from your parents and social group. It makes sense that you feel isolated now. Your entire life has been structured around this political and religious belief from your parents, so it's not surprising your social circle reflects that. You're not broken. People with the exact opposite situation of you can go through something similar (atheist to theist, etc).

Good morningg

>>33602028
Will look into it
>>33602053
>I'm not being a smart ass, it's just you
>Now listen to me preach about how much more I know about yourself than you do
Come on you gotta have some level of self awareness to be at the very least open to the notion that I'm mirroring your behavior.
>differences of opinion
Philosophy classes were fun, thanks for the reminder. Either way, what's the point of coming to a different endpoint of opinions when you can't share them with others outside of this place?
>>33602106
>If I told you this, you would never be my friend
No, I absolutely would and that's the point I'm talking about, I WANT someone that I can share those thoughts with without consequence. There's this movie called "The Platform", a mirror of how the free market erases empathy or whatever, and the general idea is that people get isolated onto an elevator's levels, "platforms", with different access levels to food. I watched this one with a girl and we got into this stupid conversation about whether my likelihood of survival would be higher if I routinely knocked her up and cannibalized the newborn before cannibalizing her. I've rarely been that close to being just me as within that conversation. I want someone that I can act like this with on a daily basis.

Oh, and I'd be honored if you took enough of an interest in my quads to amputate my legs off, I've been working hard on squats for a reason :3

>Have you tried to make conversations enjoyable?
I do well in social environments, hell, I work as a tutor and run a fitness and cosplay account and act like the most extroverted nut in history when I have a reason to approach and make conversation with people at events and such. People generally seem to enjoy my company more than I do theirs, my main problem mostly just consists of trying to get away from them when pretending to be someone else gets too exhausting.

>separate from your parents and social group
Responding to this in a continuation again

>>33602106
>>33603456
Continued

I mean the good morning message now kind of feels out of place, it's 1pm but I'm just now checking back on 4chan so you're still getting a good morning message.

>Isolated from parents and social group
You make it sound like somewhere there's an obvious group of people waiting for me to approach them. I haven't encountered these people before, nor ever saw anything indicative of their existence. My gym, my uni, my old school, conventions, most of the internet, social events of any kind, my family, my social circle, there's seemingly never anyone that is as open to concepts and as willing to hear them out as I am. I don't think your hypothesis of "Oh they're all just masking it's super normal" quite works when their reactions tend to be horrified at the slightest misstep.

>>33596132
Why are u gay

>>33604137
Got me :(

>>33595958 (OP)
There's no such thing as an authentic self. The word person comes from the Greek personae with means mask. If you want to be an authentic person you want to be a genuine fake. When most people say they want to be their authentic self what it really means is they want to say and do whatever they want and suffer no consequences for it because they're being 'authentic' so it's everyone else's fault if what they do or say chafes people. Not how dealing with other people works unfortunately. You're not supposed to bare your soul or turn off your filter with people, even those close to you.

>>33603456
>open to the notion that I'm mirroring your behavior
You're me when I was your age. Of course this is the case.
>what's the point of coming to a different endpoint of opinions when you can't share them with others outside of this place?
Welcome to philosophy. It's truthfully very boring for this exact reason. I find it fulfilling, but it's not a great conversation topic for the average person.
>No, I absolutely would
Uh huh.
>we got into this stupid conversation about whether my likelihood of survival would be higher if I routinely knocked her up and cannibalized the newborn before cannibalizing her.
That's a very calorie intensive solution for minimal calorie intake (At max, 2 babies a year plus her body). If anything, you're best off immediately eating her since you'd spend energy regardless.
>Oh, and I'd be honored if you took enough of an interest in my quads to amputate my legs
Cute.
>>33603472
>I don't think your hypothesis of "Oh they're all just masking it's super normal" quite works
It still works. It took multiple people multiple attempts at trying to clarify what exactly you meant. Now that you've given a mild example, I'm happy to clarify that people generally aren't masking to hide thoughts of cannibalism. Although my point is the same regardless. People choose to socialize themselves to fit into a group. You don't have to do this, but this does mean you're then limiting your social pool. Unfortunately for you, your immediate social pool is in religious contrast with your exploration of self. I can sympathize with that. I think you can find curiously minded people (Our scientific understanding is sometimes born from people like this), but you'll need to seek them out. No philosophy classes at your uni?

>>33605887
>If you want to be an authentic person you want to be a genuine fake.

Can you elaborate?

>>33605887
Most people aren't talking about the greek sense because definition are blurred nowadays.
>When most people say they want to be their authentic self what it really means is they want to say and do whatever they want and suffer no consequences
I think you're hitting the nail but i would say most people want a community that is more aligned, or absolutely aligned, with their values and behavior and the ones who want to eliminate personal consequences are loud exceptions

>Never found someone I could be 100% authentic with
Is this actually something anyone can expect in this life? I would imagine even the most Neurotypical normies have things they keep to themselves. You can be yourself without constantly spouting your deepest and most controversial opinions.

>>33606555
Narcissisim steals the abililty to be your true self. It absolutely is a thing. The same phenomenon can be observed with POW survivor stories.

>>33606562
Not sure how that's relevant to my post. I was just trying to say people are very judgemental and it's rare to have people you could tell anything without repercussion.

>>33606725
ignore the schizophrenic

your post makes great points

>>33605887
Edgy, you still know there's layers to this and OP has a right to complain he can't be as honest with others as the average person

>>33607460
omg layers like onions from shrek wow you and op are super deep and different

>>33605887
>>33595958 (OP)
I’m just some anon reading this thread after the fact but I’d say a couple of things. First of all, the anon I replied to at the top of this post is right. Individuation is a lifelong process and never completes.
OP, can you post what your thoughts are using a vpn? The German authorities already know your identity after your “prank.”
If your ideas don’t involve harm to others, what could the problem be? Maybe others have retracted when you shared them in the past because they themselves feel them but similarly dislike themselves so they’re disgusted. Who knows…

OP here once again

>>33605887
I do realize it's technically impossible to have functional relationships without at least some form of constraint, but I do feel like I have to exercise this self restraint a lot more than others due to my circumstances, or at the very least, you can view it as me being weaker and more prone to feeling lonely due to it, call me a pussy if ya will. So I can at the very least dream about getting into a position that'll let me mask less and let me suffer less consequences, no? I already had the privilege of being more honest with the anon that dropped their Discord in this thread, so I'm hoping I'll one day be able to pull it off IRL as well, ideally even with a person I love if I'm lucky

>>33606456
Also this, I don't mind SOME consequences of course, I just don't want to be heavily punished for the most basic of behaviors by my personal standards.

>>33607721
Paste link down here is a random outtake of a few things that immediately popped up in mind when asked the same by the guy I've been talking to on DC. My statements aren't really things that require legal attention (unless the German Verfassungsschutz really has it out for me), they're just unconventional and socially isolating to state outside of online chat rooms, threads and comment sections. I've never met someone IRL that I could say any of this to.

https://pastes.io/4chan-8049

>>33607830
>but I do feel like I have to exercise this self restraint a lot more than others due to my circumstances, or at the very least, you can view it as me being weaker and more prone to feeling lonely due to it, call me a pussy if ya will.
This has next to nothing to do with you being 'weaker', you may very well have to expend more energy than the average person to '''fit in''' and curb what you say and feel, and this is all very unfair, and everyone has to do this to some degree. That is nobody's fault, that's just life. But complaints and idle daydreams about the best or worst of all possible worlds get you, at best, less than nothing. What if your 'authentic self' is just not who you are when you have no constraints or obligations or protocols, but how you carry yourself and live with those rules and etiquettes anyway?

>>33608626
>what if your authentic self is actually not liking how you do things
...then I want a way of living that's inauthentic? Chasing ideal definitions and semantics doens't really help :0

>be me
>see this thread
>curious
>"form opinions and beliefs and mannerisms different from everyone around me"
>hooked
>op didnt give examples
>keep scrolling
>op finally gave examples
>excited for unique opinions
>click link
>op hates jews

>>33609563
He never said who they are unique to.

>>33609563
Nigga to be fair WHO do you know that doesn't call you a schizo for that

>>33595958 (OP)

You can be yourself so long as yourself is good and like-able to others. Much of it is not necessarily about "how you are" but rather how it's presented, which means it's a skill to deliver yourself in a more tailored manner.

In many ways, people shouldn't be authentic selves, unless they are authentically virtuous. This is a good thing. So become better or present your fucked up ideas in a more palatable ways.

Good fortunes.

>>33609153
>Chasing ideal definitions and semantics doens't really help :0
Correct. Which is why saying "I wish I could be authentic" or any variation is mostly a bunk daydream at best or an immature desire to be free of all consequences at worst.

If you don't like how you do things, you as a conscious human with agency, have access to the levers that change that.

>>33610079
In theory yeah but in praxis you tend to have very limited time to pass on your ideas to others, which implies it's insanely advantageous if not necessary for that person to have an accepting inclination from the start.
>>33610168
I wouldn't know how to. How do I stop having to pretend I get along with my family or share any of their core beliefs? How do I tell most of my friends I haven't enjoyed spending time with them in years if not ever due to how it always feels like walking on eggshells around them because they seem to blow up towards any opinion they disagree with, including a ton of opinions I agree with? How do I call out nice people at the gym or at uni that say retarded shit without hurting their feelings? "Yeah man, just gotta shock the muscle and just gotta make sure to not miss the anabolic window and you absolutely gotta make sure to not count calories because that's an eating disorder" like shut the fuck up I never actively tried talking to you, you just came over and started talking bullshit and now it's a big social taboo for me to call you out for absolute lack of knowledge because all you'll do is go around telling other people how unfriendly I am and how I carry "bad vibes" which just gets people to gather and ask if something bad is going through my mind like oh my fucking God I never should have opened my mouth or had any thoughts to begin with AAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>33610569
BECAUSE you have limited time and window of opportunity in talking to others - you should make what you communicate as smooth and palatable to the party. You have limited time, and any resistance or objections you generate detract from the objective.

>>33610569
This reinforces my original intuition that this doesn't really have anything to do with being your 'authentic self' and more to do with you just don't know how to filter and be polite and not react. You do sound unfriendly and unpleasant from this post alone. I'm not saying this to be mean, just as a point of fact. Nobody likes a knowitall, nobody likes someone who goes around saying 'um ackchually'. That's a reddit attitude that you constantly have to be correct and point out why and how other people are doing something wrong. People don't need to share your beliefs any more than you need to share theirs. If you don't enjoy your friend's company that's on you for hanging around, not them. You don't 'call out' people with unrequited unasked for advice.

All you need to do is nothing. It is trite advice, but it is true, not everything other people do requires a reaction learn to sit back and observe. Though it sounds like you could stand to learn some manners and social cues as well (autism?) People are going to be inefficient and wrong a lot (you are too). That's hardly a reason to get upset. And it's rude and very reddit to take every opportunity to point it out.

>>33595958 (OP)
it's called realizing 99% of people are biomass and can't understand nuance or honesty. it's called not being oversocialized so you actually judge opinions by their content rather than their social viability. you must understand, the rest of society cannot grasp this. you are different, and you will never find a place in society because of it.

>>33612741
>im right and youre wrong
>there's nothing more important in life than me being right and pointing out why other people are wrong in conversation
>im am the only conciouss person in a world of sheep and so smart every need to know what a sheep they are and how smart i am in the most humorless and condescending way possible
>wait why does nobody like me?
>i guess im just too smart for other people thats why nobody likes me oh well guess this is just the curse of being super smart and interesting people are too dumb to understand how smart and interesting and correct i am
every time

>>33612797
To be fair in most cases it's fairly easy to point out what's wrong with the opinions that the isolated fag holds, but OP seems to rather be fearful of talking things out at all rather than people simply disagreeing

>>33596449
>and somehow it turns out I crossed multiple social and historically insensitive lines with that
My kikey sense is going off, are you semitic or middle-eastern?
You sound non-European or part good-for-nothing semite.

>>33614242
>My kikey sense is going off, are you semitic
LMAO >>33607830
You're right

>>33595958 (OP)
You should watch liberal streamer destiny. He thinks like an autist but not as socially retarded.

>>33612797
all ultimately true since the vast majority of people are animalistic levels of braindead and if you 'disagree' with that it's because you are one. if you observe other people and haven't come to the conclusion that they're barely conscious of anything then it's because that level of consciousness seems normal to you. again, NPCs will always call out anyone who thinks they're 'better' or different from the horde, because they themselves are not different, they are the horde. they're the oversocialized faggots who don't think critically about things but rather judge everything according to its social viability, and it is socially unviable to think most people are retarded, which they are. most people learned in middle school that being contrarian is uncool so they kept that pretension for the rest of their lives. it's like those people who learned in school that trying hard at things is uncool so they never tried hard at anything for the rest of their lives. that's how most people live, just reiterating the same social pretenses most of which came from le schoolhood days. most peoples only contact with deviated truth comes from puerile schoolboy social performance so they assume that's all it ever is.

schooling is part of the culturally totalitarian regime read ivan illich. you probably dont read SHIT though or if you do it's something gay and surface level because NOBODY smart thinks the masses are just as good as them. what an absurd thing to insinuate.

>>33614534
He's giving off huuuuuge "I don't want to face consequences for pretending to be full european while acting a semite, I'm le part european so I like le define what european is even if I act a kike & not respect my european ancestors & how to act in europe" vibes...
"I'm just being honest teehee" while acting totally bigoted and superior and literally being so tone deaf w.r.t. to the culture of his host nation that he's getting into legal trouble for it and then STILL denying that it has anything to do with how he chooses to act.
Like lmao, leave the kike shit in the middle east or don't come here to begin with.

>>33614242
>Kikey sensor
My pastebin has antisemitic contents lol
>Non-European
On the edge, but technically not I guess. I thought I mentioned the migrant background somewhere already

>>33614556
I fucking hate that loser lmao
>>33614813
And what do you do if you don't find your place in either culture?

>>33614852
Hmmm okay
Well if you want to line up with your äuthentic self better better start learning about where you're from genetically, and it's also smart to learn about the people who's country you live in rn.
You may have to look back up to 2K years to get the right people e.g. in America you'd have to look 400+ years back to begin to get some signal.
>>33614864
Culture's a hoax, it's like the layer of bacteria on your skin. It's secondary and unimportant. What you need is handful of people you can emulate in your ancestry or in your parents' peoples.
Think family, tribe, people and not nationality, city, street. The latter is super artificial and basically a delusion proliferated by bankers and occultists, blood & soil is where it's at.

>>33610006
Honestly a lot of people wouldn't call you a schizo. In the US young people have become much more critical of da joo. Mostly regarding Israel and the current situation with Palestine. It's funny because a lot of these anti Zionists self identify as leftists and consider calling someone a Nazi the most derogatory insult.

>>33614864
You hate destiny because you have heard someone else's description of him

I gave up on the politics or religion shit myself OP.
I'm a bit of a recluse, socially awkward, even at my workplace. Even with my family. There's a lot I don't share. Not my tastes, barely my hobbies (I use photography to pretend I do something normal). When there's politics I do lean towards some side(s) but I often find myself just avoiding confrontations. When it comes to religion I insist in not wasting my time arguing about it because a huge part of my childhood was my dad being a Jehovah's Witness.

>>33615181
Social awkwardness doesn't get better with isolation

How do you cope?

>>33595958 (OP)
No. You will fail. Never talk about yourself. No one cares. People want money and a safe place to raise their kids.

>>33614763
You with your massive brain have missed the point entirely.

Condescending to people makes them not like you. The desperate desire to prove yourself correct and point out everyone else's faults or inaccuracies is unattractive. There is no prize for being correct.

>>33615072
BIG FACTS

>>33615612
Idk man, abusive husbands do fairly well

>>33616337
Because women are weak and desire to be dominated. It's the abusive man's fault for taking advantage of this characteristic and taking it too far.
And to make matters worse women usually have no true sense of agency or morality to them it's superficial. They are cowards, they do not fight for what they believe in. They can only yell and nag, and maybe the ones who are smart enough can use weapons (the gender equalizer) to their advantage

>>33616370
So you're agreeing?

>>33616420
No I am saying that the abusive husbands are pieces of shit and should get what they deserve

>>33615539
I don't.

>>33595958 (OP)
Easy. Just be yourself. 100% serious. What happens is it will go horribly and some people will leave you. Then you will find new ones who'll like you because they think like that authentic self you're now projecting. Problem solved, you have filtered your social circle. May take a while and be a bit painful/lonely but it's worth it. I too had to purge my entire social circle after highschool when I decided to show everyone that actually I'm not okay with being a little bitch and that it's not okay to just make jokes or hit me all the time. It's just not okay. No, I actually was never okay with this? Oh, you hadn't realized? Well now you know. Etc etc just do that and in 6 months problem solved

>>33616420
He doesn't know what he's doing because he's retarded. I bet this retard also believes women are more likely to initiate divorce and divorce more now than ever (both true) because women are shallow creatures (retard take).

Reality is abusive men struggle to stay in relationships with women that can earn their own money. When women earn their own money and have their own social groups, they are less tolerant of abuse.

>>33617312
I don't think my parents would survive that. Plus I don't see an advantage in decimating essentially all my social connections. How am I supposed to rely on the notion that I'll just find a multitude of new people to replace them that accept me when the notion of just finding one person already seems like a distant wish?

>>33595958 (OP)
So long story short, you're incompetent at doing it properly and staying stealthy until you find a good opportunity, that you've opted to give up and stop searching for opportunities.

>>33596032
>Been doing that. Usually get blocked by the "We have reason to believe this conversation isn't safe or legal anymore" (paraphrased) half way in.
Wait a minute. You want to kill and rape people? Hm. That's a lot more intense than anything I was thinking. Perhaps the machine is right, perhaps you are a danger when free.

>>33595958 (OP)
That's how life is, everyone has multiple masks depending on the situation
Nobody will ever embrace your 100% self, the same way you won't with other people

>>33617949
>Rape
Not really, that'd imply my partner doesn't want me, that'd hurt my ego
>Kill
I'm mostly a pacifist but I despise right wingers that go on and on about how different groups hate them and want them and their children dead, but not one proper movement towards action has happened. They watched Trump get shot, Luigi Mangione take action against lobbyism, Trump bowing to Israel, and never took it as a sign to act. If you're being squashed either way, then it should be an honor to use your biological gift of manhood to fight against your oppressors. Either they're spineless retards, or they genuinely don't believe what they say and just like being edgy.

In my case I've concluded that as long as there are people that accept me online, there must be people like that IRL as well. So there's little reason for me to chimp out. I'm giving life a proper shot at smiling at me and blessing me. Little reason to burn the village already to feel its warmth.
>>33617956
That's fine, but maybe I need to mask heavier or am more prone to feeling isolated due to masking than others, so obviously I'll have a desire to unmask more than usual in the presence of someone else.

>>33615823
but my entire post was literally critiquing that mindset, that the social viability of ones opinions matter more than how true they are. nobody smart cares about getting social brownie points dude. the fact that you think i'm trying to do that just shows how socially indoctrinated you are and exemplifies everything i talked about in my prior post.

>>33619458
Being true doesn't mean discarding all social etiquette because what you really want to say and do chafes other people.
>nobody smart cares about getting social brownie points dude.
okay good luck with that since you're so smart im sure that'll work out great for you mr sigma male lone wolf

>>33620282
I don't know why he asked for advice just to be a pretentious cock about everything

>>33619458
I had a job once where I was objectively the best employee the company ever had by every possible metric. The best numbers, clients loved me, enjoyed the job well enough. But pretty much all my coworkers and bosses dispised me because I was super type B and everyone there was super type A. They drummed up stupid reasons to fire me even though it was comically transparent and I just quit without signing anything. Very recently I found myself in a managerial role and I have an employee under me who is a good producer but he's all around unpleasant to the degree it basically hurts peoples' morale and bothers some contractors. Now that I'm older and wiser and shoe is on the other foot I completely understand why it's important not to be a little goblin detached from social dogma. Being around unpleasant people is unpleasant (huuurrr), and pleasantries and manners really are worth more than money.

It's also very hard for people who are detached from social dogma (autists and reddit cerebral knowitalls) to understand this because all they really value is efficiency and being le technically correct.

Would it be a better world if everyone accepted everyone's quirks and idiosyncrasies? I don't know, maybe? But as the other anon succinctly put it: there is no prize for being right. There's definitely no prize for being right if you're a humorless reddit fag about it too.

>>33620367
Pretty sure that's not OP

>>33620389
I know >>33620282 isn't OP but was talking to OP

>>33620378
ok but we aren't talking about being 'right' in some contrived workplace conflict sense we're talking about the critical thinking abilities of the average person which are on the floor and so must yours be if you can't just instinctively see that.

>>33596449
Jesus fucking Christ do you talk in circles like one of those street crazies. Engaging with you is like trying to shake hands with an octopus.

>>33621401
Sorry I kinda suck at conveying my thoughts sometimes, makes me seem pretty fucking autistic. Always funny when I'm trying to explain a doc my symptoms and he's just confused about the amount of hyperspecific useless detail he's getting. Either way, how can I help, what'd ya want to know specifically?

>>33621343
You're demonstrating the exact phenomenon anon pointed out. You're trying to steer the conversation to how stupid people are. Are they? Sometimes. Everyone knows that. It isn't some deep esotetic wisdom. The actual lesson here is that being a pessimistic cynic doesn't get you anything. It doesn't make you smart, it doesn't make you likable, it barely makes you technically correct. It just makes people dislike you, and it has nothing to do with being your true self or whatever. I certainly hope you don't consider your true self some kind of knowitall who's centerpiece of your worldview is how stupid everyone else is compared to you.

>>33621343
>you're wrong because i want to talk about something else
>you fucking idiot you buffoon god other people are so DUMB unlike me!!!
lol

the real question is why op makes people argue so much with each other like a jew

>>33623246
The third Jew accusation since the thread started, Jesus Christ

>>33595958 (OP)
Well, tell me about your authentic self.

>>33623228
It's definitely an autism thing. Ive spoken with enough autists on here that nothing upsets them more than the fact that they perceive some people as inefficient and things dont fit neatly into little boxes then they get frustrated that people dont understand their deep little thoughts that churn endlessly in their head even though they are really pedestrian and not very deep

>>33623323
I'm not sure how to. I mentioned things that I can't speak about in general here >>33607830 and I mentioned how my environment makes it impossible to open up about even basic things here >>33610569, but I don't know how to give ya a more proper representation of who I am.

>>33623189
no you're failing to understand the concept of people being retarded because you still think i'm talking about their behavior or something when i'm just talking about the breadth of knowledge they possess. the average person views the world through a social media lens dude. they know nothing, their opinions are based on nothing. i'm not saying this because i want to be better than them, i'm saying this because it's my honest observation. i don't care if you think i'm pretentious or somehow ineffectual because i'm throwing out social graces to state a genuine observation about the world. you sound like a fucking faggot NOOOOO YOU CANT SAY OTHER PPL ARE STUPID, are you serious nigger? dude, most people are fucking RETARDED and that includes you.

>>33623228
pay attention to the discussion and you can see how he was the one who deviated from the point not me.
my original post >>33612741 where my distinction between truth and the social viability of said truth is the point. then some faggot comes along and says DUDE I WORKED WITH A GUY WHO JUST WOULDN'T LISTEN AND IT WAS UNPLEASANT THEREFORE YOU'RE WRONG. holy fuck you people are retarded as shit. just more living proof of what i'm talking about. you can't even identify or keep track of the pertinent parts of a discussion you just make kneejerk reactions to the last few posts and completely ignore the actual subject matter.

>>33623480
you're so fucking retarded it hurts dude. you know nothing, you post platos cave wojaks and haven't read plato, nor anything else, yet you claim me and my 'deep little thoughts' are actually 'pedestrian'... people like you need to be subjugated in some way because youre walking cattle following a social program. not to sound even more like your entrenched perception of an angsty teenager but you'll never know what i know, you'll never actually read canonical or primary texts on anything, which was considered basic literacy in the past while ppl today are in fact retarded.

>>33625157
lmao he's mad people wont call him smart because some people stupid

>>33625157
>>33625157
lmao he thinks point out that some people are stupid makes him smart and is some kind of deep insight

>>33623303
>Jesus Christ
not subtle kike

>>33625157
You're confusing arrogance for intelligence and insults for argument, anon. Your reliance on hostility and insisting everybody but you are retards ultimately reveals more about the your own insecurity than about the supposed ignorance of others. Anyway, you're 100% correct, I concede. Best of luck to you.

Maybe you're just ultra autistic?

>>33625157
Wanna know how I know you have nothing and no one in your life?

>>33625157
Okay post your bookshelf right now and tell us all about your measures of success that your superior intellect has brought you

>>33625157
NTA but if you require books to tell you about the world then you are a mental cuckold, because it implies that you need other people to tell you how to think, that you regurgitate the viewpoints of other people who wrote books that you yourself didn’t write. Fuck philosophers too honestly, all of them were mentally ill and their entire life’s works were just ways to intellectualise their own neuroticisms.

>>33625220
dude i literally don't care if people think i'm smart, or even if i actually am smart, since i never claimed to be smart but only in possession of what i (and past civil society) consider to be basic literacy... i'm just remarking about how the average person today is so far below that baseline that it warrants at least acknowledging, but if you can't acknowledge that simple fact because it sounds too le pretentious then aren't you being intellectually dishonest at best and just plain ignorant at worst? i only mention that i've read xyz because i thought maybe you'd see my perspective if you knew what kind of stuff i read and compared that to people today who can't even watch a video if it exceeds 12 minutes in length much less read a whole book. and if they can read books it's usually within the bounds of some personalized hobbyism where they read a bunch of nonsense with no connection to anything. then, as a final subdivision, there are people who do read some consequential works but seem to gain nothing from it, these are usually academic types in my experience. but compared to the average person, these people are fucking nobel prize winners, chess grandmasters etc. but my whole point is that there are societal and/or demographic implications to this where intelligent people (maybe like OP) just end up maligned because everyone is too oversocialized and hiveminded to acknowledge intelligence much less respect it for what it is. they hate critically aware individuals. they hate truthful pessimism. and they want everyone to be as retarded as them, nobody can be smarter, nobody can be exceptional or talented etc. it all has to do with an increasingly collectivist mindset borne of social media induced preconceptions and capitalist social dogmas. what's worse, me claiming to have read some books (that i know for a fucking fact most people haven't even heard of), or some faggot claiming to be an authority on a topic because he has a fucking college degree?

>>33625330
you do realize that all the knowledge in the world comes from other people right? if it wasn't for other people you wouldn't even know how to speak and thus would have no thoughts, no mental content. where else would you get knowledge beyond basic kinesthetics if it wasn't for other people? are you fucking retarded?

"To thine own self be true..."
Even if it doesn't net you friends and success. Why let some fictional person live YOUR life?

>>33625333
>dude i literally don't care if people think i'm smart
>words words words
>words words words words
uh huh

>>33625333
>>33625362
I also want you to know I stopped reading after that sentence too

>>33625362
lol i lay it all out and you just go glossy eyed.
guess im wrong then, most people are smart. yeah seems about right.

>>33625349
>you do realize that all the knowledge in the world comes from other people right?
Shut the fuck up, and actually think for two seconds. You don’t know all of the knowledge in the world, and before you kneejerk in defense and bitch and whine “w-wuh I neva said I did!!” yes I know you didn’t. But it still is worth repeating, you don’t possess all knowledge, nobody does. Each man can only truly know from their own experiences, because that is the quintessence of knowledge – experience. And no, reading abstractions from old, neurotic, weak, spineless, fatherless philosopher cuckolds from old times does not count as experience at all. Fuck other people, how about talk about your own life experiences and draw your knowledge from that. You only speak of shit you have not directly experienced.

>>33625377
nah i've just outgrown teenage misanthropy. I'm sure you will too someday when you're older and a little wiser

>>33625386
i mean youre just a retarded curmudgeon if you think experience has no relation to philosophical inquiry. that's just ridiculous and you only believe that because you have a warped idea of what philosophy is. to you, philosophy is some kind of mental stargazing but to the real world philosophy is about understanding actual phenomena. philosophy shapes methodology and methodology shapes culture. the scientific community is an example of an epistemic community, it operates according to a methodology, that methodology was carved out through philosophical inquiry. the whole modern world, including your personal life, is affected by this process. you're using a computer right now, the product of computation theory, which was a product of symbolic logic, which was a product of 19th century analytic philosophy. with this in mind i just can't accept your notion that philosophy is some totally insular activity with no connection to anything. sorry.

>>33625296
>>33625333
>>33625296
>>33625333
Still waiting for you to dazzle us with how well read you are and all your accomplishments that elevate you above the common rabble anon....

>>33625439
There you go again spouting out bullshit. The word for what you’re doing is called “posturing”. You know that stupid feeling you got when you read the reply and you impulsively start typing up a bunch of pseduo-intellectual shit from the masturbation of your own mind? That’s what that is, it’s called posturing. It’s why you rush like a dog chasing a car to namedrop shit like
“methoodology”, “epistemic”, “analytic”, etc. It’s why in your last posts you even attached imagery, appealed to shit like Beethoven or whatever. You’re the kind of idiot who deliberately includes their Chess.com profile on their socials just so everyone else can think you are a smart guy who does smart things like playing smart games like chess lol.
Stop posturing, grow the fuck up, and accept the fact that you have very little experience to show for your own life and that filling the gaping absence with pseudo-intellectual bloat is only holding you back from your true potential.

In other words, stop wanking over how ships are built and get in the fucking ship and sail your own ship and go and do shit with your life, fucking hell.

>>33595958 (OP)
You just gotta find someone who's cool and down to earth that you can talk to and you aren't gonna find that online.

>>33595958 (OP)
It’s not just the loneliness, but the constant performance and vigilance that drains you. Many people who grew up isolated, or in environments where they didn’t feel understood, end up carrying a kind of invisible exile inside themselves. You don’t have to unload everything at once. Sometimes the safest path is to find tiny cracks in the wall, places where you can let just one part of yourself out with just one safe person or community. 4chan is nice because you can, for the most part, crack open the floodgates here. What would you say makes it hard to be yourself with other people?

>>33625333
Bro you sound like you spend 12 hours a day in front of screen watching youtube

>>33625626
that doesn't make any sense and i barely watch videos outside of music performances and lectures to supplement my reading. there's literally nothing in my posts to suggest that i'm youtube minded it's just bizarre to me that you even came up with this observation. people who watch youtube videos all day have shorter attention spans and wouldn't type multiple 2000 character posts on 4chan explaining their views. but you seem to think the OPPOSITE of that is true and i'm so curious as to why.

>>33625484
how is explaining the connection between the real world and philosophy posturing? is everything posturing to you? is every three syllable word just someone trying to look smart? you need to grow up. those aren't complicated or uncommon words you're just unfamiliar with them so you incorrectly assume it's posturing when really it's just me using the right word. what am i supposed to call analytic philosophy besides analytic philosophy lmao? what am i supposed to call methodology besides methodology? the scientific method is a methodology dude it's not that complicated. i don't blame you for not knowing what epistemic means but see that's the difference between you and a genuinely curious and/or intelligent person is that the intelligent person would be delighted at words they don't yet understand and seek to understand them while a fucking retard would become embittered and spiteful because he HATES the idea that someone knows words he doesn't. which by the way is very immature and childlike.

>>33625668
>music performances and lectures to supplement my reading
What do u read anon I like reading

>>33625668
>i'm so curious as to why.
You're churlish and asserted youre smart but said nothing smart, the mark of the pseud who is youtube educated

Most humans are very guarded when it comes to having a deep or meaningful conversation with someone who is not in their closest circles. They instinctively know that sharing too much about their life makes them vulnerable to precision-targeted attacks. This is why even intelligent people often remain extremely superficial and "beat around the bush" in their casual conversations.
>>33625581
Every person's brain is wired differently, and thus their response to you will of necessity be different from your own feelings about some past event you have shared. This is a good thing, because considering their perspective as equally valid to yours forces you to broaden your mind and breaks you out of the neural rut that has limited your ability to understand yourself. Seeking synchophancy or an echo chamber might make you feel validated, but it will NEVER bring about the eye-opening awareness that I feel someone like OP craves, a new perspective on himself that allows him to cut through the Gordian knots within himself which have remained insoluble up until now.

>>33625333
>Thinking in isolation and with pride ends in being an idiot. Every man who will not have softening of the heart must at last have softening of the brain.

>>33625333
Your stream of consciousness writing style exhibits a very high level of defensiveness, which is a mark of deep insecurity and yes, intellectual deficit. You use a wall of words to block threatening ideas from entering your mind and wreaking havoc on the delicate structure of fantasies and delusions you have built for yourself. You read books only to validate your existing beliefs and perspectives, never to challenge them. You are incapable of believing in the equal truthfulness of two diametrically opposite viewpoints, a definite mark of low intelligence.

>>33625234
I literally talked about being antisemitic
>>33625522
98% of people I could open up to somewhat have been online, Idk man

>>33625581
The notion that they will leave or get angry if I open up as it's been the case over and over again. Not just due to the feeling of emptiness that it leaves, moreso the notion that the world wholeheartedly rejects me and hates me. I feel stupid for forgetting and tell myself to keep up the act next time. But just like an addiction, it keeps coming back and I have this dying need to show people who I am. I'm so glad 4chan exists, I'd explode without it.

It's even worse when they get along well with the persona I put on or go as far as calling me their best friend or tell me they have feelings for me. "The less you are yourself, the better" just hurts man, I didn't ask to be different.

>>33625684
Lmao

>>33626001
What about you opening up do you think makes people upset? I can safely assume you done want to upset people, right?

May I share an observation? From my perspective, you're acting pretty unmasked in this thread and don't seem too happy. You said you have friends in real life, so you probably keep them around because they make you a little happy. Maybe masking isn't so bad?

>>33625846
I think it's kind of fascinating that a few posts in and he can't seem to express or engage with any other idea that he is somehow cultured and above everyone else, and everyone else is who doesn't like what he likes is a philosophical zombie.

>>33626001
Picrel makes no fucking sense. If the discomfort and ordeal of working out was so satisfying that you built yourself a ripped body, why the fuck are you still seeking to be happy like a child? It should be clear by then that satisfaction is not found in hedonistic happiness, but in overcoming challenges and facing difficulties.

>>33626001
So basically, you are unwilling to polish away your rough edges, and also mad at the world for judging you for your rough edges? I guess it depends on how fucked up in the head you really are. It's one thing to delight in petty provocations, it's quite another to expect the world to blandly accept your fantasies of dismembering little girls while raping them as your "authentic self".

>>33626052
Not really, I don't care too much about other people's perception on my end, but people liking me makes life for people around me nicer and it makes life for me easier, so it's obviously preferred.
>What makes people upset?
I don't fit their mental image of me I think.

Some examples

My Dad expects me to be strong and healthy and driven like him, so he can't accept that a chronic health condition might've gotten in the way, it must be that I'm just not driven enough. It's not that I healed from 3 years of constant physical pain but rather me just finding my drive like he envisioned.

Girls that are interested in me IRL or fucking loser White guys trying to play tough see my features that can be both interpreted at South European and as Middle Eastern or Balkan, so they treat me like a neanderthal to fulfill their chimp fantasies. Women with abuse fetishes or class clowns that want to see teachers suffer under niggers chimping out love that shit. The fact that I'm tall and hit the gym doesn't help that fact. This one time a drunk retard with a glass bottle in his hand tried starting a fight when I was out with a friend, and he slapped me. I deescalated the situation, I wasn't healthy and in no need to risk a bottle getting smashed over my or my friend's head. I think he considers me a pussy for that to this day. I acted in a way that I preferred over the way someone else wanted and I regret it once again. Being physically hurt would've been worth not losing that friend, I really like the guy (platonically). I'm a nerd that watches anime and reads up on fandom wikis for days on end and wants a virgin wife that goes on cosplay conventions with him, I'm a common loser piece of shit that should live and die as a retarded autistic incel but for some reason everyone wants me to be someone great and expects me to be so. I fucking hate it. I wasn't made for this life or these expectations.

>>33626057
>Unmasked = unhappy
I'm grateful to all of you for listening and letting me talk, it's doing a ton for my sanity and helps me mask IRL. I just sound negative because I need to talk about thoughts I usually attempt to repress, probably also the reason I'm so bad at actually properly explaining who I am when asked a dozen times throughout this thread.
>>33626061
The body is a tool to achieve something, not an actual end goal in this case. Kind of like an old man starting to lift to regain the strength to pick up his grandchildren, if the gains he makes aren't enough to help him lift up his grandchildren like he envisioned, it's not worth anything.
>>33626085
>Mad at the world
I wouldn't say I'm mad, I'm just sad I'm a bad match. I could consider suicide, but I want to hope there's room for me too in the end.
>unwilling to polish away your rough edges
But they are who I am. I can't change what I like or what I want to act like or how I react towards things.
>expect the world to blandly accept
Just a wife that does and if that's too much to ask maybe a male friend that doesn't mind plsplspls
>dismembering little girls while raping them
I did NOT say this shit