>>76552380
I have this. OP, I was where you are about 6 months before things went from tottering on the edge of destruction (still have job/home/battered but intact human relationships, drinking before work or at lunch) to full bore HeavyMetal 2000 diving through the twisting machine spider hellscape made of living guts on fire as the world collapses around and upon you.
If you're not like me, maybe you can do it without inpatient detox and rehab, but at the very least you will need a benzo taper or a beer taper. If you're doing the taper properly, you should feel pretty rough but not in the aforementioned hellscape of spiders and guts.
One of the ways my case was special was when it became bad enough that I had to hide it, which led to periods of extreme binging followed by a few days or a week of sobriety, where I would withdrawal. Eventually, I would go into withdrawals when I was still well over the legal limit. From there I entered the fabled land of delirium tremens. I won't go into detail beyond saying the anxiety you feel becomes fear then terror, full blown waking hallucinations, disjointed fight or flight thinking and disconnecting from reality. Heart never below 160 always sure you're about to die and maybe correct, can't sleep for days, can't rinse the burning steel smelling sweat off in the shower because you can't stand without falling and when you close your eyes in the water, you keep getting attacked by the screaming face from The Wall.
It's so bad bro. I know it's bad now and the hopelessness you feel but please trust me that this way lies madness and it can get so much worse.
I tried quitting a million times over a decade, it only stuck once I leaned on Christ. He saved me man, He can save you too.
Now I'm /fit/ and sober and free, all thanks to God.
Remember the benzo taper. Chances are if you're not kindled you will just get bad WDs and not full blown DTs, but either way, this is not something you can continue and you shouldn't cold turkey it.
